Financial Abuse, Narcissists & Money: A Divorce Lawyer's Perspective

whether the pain inflicted on a spouse a physical verbal or emotional domestic violence brings sadness grief and fear to families and communities domestic financial abuse may be less talked about but it's just as frequent in fact many domestic violence victims also suffer financial abuse this makes it even harder for them to escape an abusive situation financial abuse can be devastating to the victim and the children what is financial abuse financial abuse is the use of finances to threaten frighten manipulate and control the victim control is power as with other forms of domestic abuse the abuser dominates the other spouse most victims are women and the financial abuse can ruin the victims life financial abuse is not limited to controlling the other spouse it's can be used against the children - unfortunately financial abuse is not a rare event in divorce we've got to understand something here there's a difference between spouses agreeing that one of them is better suited to managing the monthly bills and budget that's not what we're talking about financial abuse goes way beyond keeping track of budgeting concerns financial control can be part of a nefarious plot and key part of making the feel the victim feel impotent dependent and isolated financial abuse is economic and psychological the victim knows little about their own personal finances or the finances of the couple because the controlling spouse is so secretive some victims never know the extent of the abuse they just know they're trapped at first there may have been a rational basis for one spouse taking primary responsibility for family economics but the relationship morphed into an abusive one financial abuse happens at all ages educational levels ethnic groups and income levels a gilded cage is still a cage that's because domestic financial abuse is about control it's a trap financial abuse may or may not be the only form of abuse and confer the trapped a victim in an abusive marriage financial bullying isn't always obvious either it can be in your face or hidden along with secret assets because financial abuse is so damaging it must be addressed in this divorce the victim can't be left at the mercy of the dominant spouse or without economic options family lawyers serve that purpose to get the victims access to financial resources when the dominant spouse has controlled their finances for a long time possibly the entire marriage the threat that if you divorce me I'll make sure you never get a dime has a profound impact that threat can dissuade the victim from consulting an attorney and getting help the victim of financial abuse may find it impossible to leave and find new housing or to support the children and obtain legal representation why do some spouses feel the need to be in absolute control the family finances some fear being broke it can be rooted in culture or religion some have personality disorders such as narcissistic personality disorder someone with MPD likes empathy or has a sense of entitlement among other characteristics whatever personality type the abuser might be he or she is typically calculating and manipulative clues to financial abuse all stemmed from the need of one party to be in control financial control could include using legitimate financial tools designed to prevent fraud for the abusive purpose of tracking the other spouse allowing continuous auditing and monitoring for instance using online banking to track the victims deposits and withdrawals in expenses on a daily basis spying and cyber harassment can accompany financial abuse tracking the victims social media posts and pictures spying on the victims emails and using apps to track the victims whereabouts 24/7 here are some examples of the things controlling spouses may do to the victim conceal assets to prevent an equitable distribution of property and divorce dole out exceptionally small amounts of money as an allowance or no money at all make the victim account for every nickel spent make the victim sign legal papers without knowing what they are and stealing the victims money take the other spouses paychecks without discussion or explanation they may even prevent the victims career advancement possibly by sabotaging employment or making the other spouse miss work the next tactic is to object to any cash paying job because the victim could keep some of the money ultimately it's about making it more difficult for the controlled spouse to spend even a dime without it being tracked some abusers even prevent the victim from working outside the home sometimes the abuser may keep the other spouse in absolute darkness as to the marital resources and debts may prevent and prohibit the victim from using credit cards writing checks accessing marital accounts criticizing and demoralizing the other spouse for poor spending habits wasting money and stupid purchases accusing the victim of wasting marital resources on a paramour or gambling or on a drinking problem even when there's no basis to the allegation or something that happened over a decade ago lack of communication is an issue for many couples facing divorce but the controlling spouse may never discuss finances with victim financial abuse can include putting the victim in a position of never being believed always made to look small and incompetent as the years of financial abuse go on the more persuasive this statement is the more the victim really has no idea what's going on it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy financial abuse can involve keeping the other spouses name off the title to marital property making the victim serve as the sole source of family support even when the abuser is able to work making the victim retire early on Social Security is another tactic or pulling out money from an IRA 401k or pension despite the penalty for early withdrawal abusive behavior includes paying the bills by using all of the victims separate money first sometimes it involves damaging the victims credit score when he or she doesn't control bill payment holding the purse strings but not providing sufficient funds for necessities like food clothing medicine and decent housing and purposefully delaying court proceedings to make the victims suffer while waiting for family support orders and other property division financial abuse often can include gambling away the other spouses money spending marital resources to maintain a drug or alcohol abuse problem or supporting a paramour with marital funds wide while denying necessities to the victim and children financial abuse can even be criminal as with fraud embezzlement and extortion for example using an extramarital affair to extort from the victims professional practice embezzling money from the family business and threatening to blame the theft on the victim or forcing the victim to commit financial fraud another form of abuse one example is forcing the victim to defraud Social Security for disability benefits or food stamps how is financial abuse proven and kore divorce proceedings involving property division alimony or child support should bring any financial abuse to the forefront proving financial abuse can be challenging full disclosure of assets and debts is required of both parties early in the stages of divorce a forensic accountant and expert witness may be needed to identify document anomalies incorrect valuations and uncover concealed assets the controlling spouse may argue the victim is bad with money pointing to something that happened a long time ago as proof of incompetent money handling because of the abuse the victim is fearful of discussing anything related to finances with the controlling spouse therefore it's important to obtain victim testimony describing the abuse and how incompetent bad or weak it made the victim feel it's important to provide documentation of the abuse assets hidden by the controlling spouse could be discovered by a forensic accountant its valuation of assets lifestyle analysis and other techniques that could be along with a private investigators involvement in the case documents correspondence emails and text messages can show the controlling spouses abusive tactics this can prove the victim was denied access to credit card accounts bank accounts investment accounts and so on when those accounts are or were marital property marital accounts are not legitimately the controlling spouses sole and separate property witnesses may also need to testify as as to what they know firsthand such as a sibling who has personally observed the controlling spouse berate the victim about spending a small amount of money on something insignificant what should you do tell everyone any relationship has the potential to involve financial abuse that's how prevalent it is if you believe you're the victim of financial abuse then you need to take steps to secure your marital rights and tell everyone get safe get counseling get financial advice understanding the scope of the financial abuse is the first step in obtaining an equitable and fair outcome in the divorce to extricate yourself from a financially abusive marriage you need to retake control of your finances this means educating yourself and financial planning learn what your legal rights are by consulting a competent experienced family law attorney this could involve tagging specific incidents of abuse of the case for recovery can be main in court whether you plan to remain in the marital home or leave you will need to gather important documents and records make copies and store them in a secure place that's inaccessible to your spouse has your spouse hidden all the important documents and records from you get what you can safely financial forensic analysis will almost always be helpful to ferret out the facts in Tennessee when the divorce complaint is filed we have a mandatory injunction that goes into effect prohibiting either spouse from transferring diminishing selling or doing things that affect the marital assets and debts violating the order can lead to a finding of contempt with sanctions if your spouse attempts to sell property hide assets or do anything that violates that injunction tell your attorney about it immediately not only can this result in sanctions in jail time for the violator but the core we'll likely scrutinize the violators demeanor and character for truthfulness during the rest of the proceedings I'm miles Mason senior please like and share this video let's get the word out about this problem

Channel: Miles Mason Family Law Group

Views: 8,316

Rating: 4.9183674 out of 5

Keywords: financial abuse, divorce, divorce lawyer, divorce attorney, advice, control, money, family law, family lawyer, family law attorney, domestic violence, victim, abuser, counseling, narcissist, narcissism, strategy, tactics

Id: zXjFCyMdrbs

Length: 13min 51sec (831 seconds)

Published: Wed May 13 2020