Feeling Stuck Right Now? Stop Looking In The Wrong Place | The Mel Robbins Podcast

foreign to you today that anywhere in your life that you have a problem or you're stuck or you're struggling or you just can't get the results that you want I guarantee you you're working on the wrong problem we have such a low tolerance for going deep that we just try to remove it at the surface and then all of a sudden you're dating another loser all of a sudden the same [ __ ] with your mother showing up all of a sudden the same wound from your childhood is getting triggered why why does this keep happening I'll tell you why hey it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast I'm so glad that you joined me today because I'm going to prove to you today that anywhere in your life that you have a problem or you're stuck or you're struggling or you just can't get the results that you want I guarantee you you're working on the wrong problem you're attacking it all wrong and there is something deeper that you're not seeing it's below the surface and today I got my shovel we are going to dig deep and we are going to get to the root of the problem I have been doing this now for a decade you guys write to me from around the world and I read everything that you submit to melrobbins.com and I've noticed something in the last decade since I've been coaching people everybody is working on the wrong problem you can't even see it and one of the things that I am able to do is I can listen to you for just a little bit and boom laser right in to the root of it and so we're going to get to the root of your problem today and here's how we're going to do it I'm going to bring in a metaphor and the metaphor is gardening I love gardening by the way it is one of my favorite hobbies my parents were big gardeners I grew up working in the yard every single weekend my grandparents and my aunts and uncles on my mom's side are all Farmers so dirt and digging in the dirt and growing stuff it's in my DNA and I think about the issues in your life that you can't seem to overcome or that keep coming back over and over and over again it's like weeds in a garden and so I'm going to tell you a story because you're attacking the weeds all wrong too you can't just pull weeds out you got to dig them out at the root otherwise they keep coming back and this is why I say you're working on the wrong problem you keep pulling at your problems tugging at them clipping at them snipping at them whatever hitting them with the Roundup that's not going to kill them you got to destroy it at the root and I remember there was this one moment when we still lived in Boston and I started to notice that there was this particular weed that kept coming up in my garden it was about a foot tall and it looked like the kind of grass you would see uh you know like in the sides of a golf course you know that Fescue that's like a foot tall and it blows around well this stuff started showing up in the middle of my freaking Montauk daisies and my peonies and my irises and I'm like what the hell and so I'd yank it out of the Siberian irises and then I turn around I'm like how the hell is it over there in the peonies like is this bird seed that's scattered about what is going on why is this weird stuff sprouting out and it was just like this Clump over here and then this Clump over here and then this Clump over here and I'm like what the hell and so one day I'll never forget it had been raining for like a week and so the first sunny day I get out there and I'm like oh my God there's these clumps everywhere they just boom because what happens uh things grow when you water it things in your life change when you tend to it so I start start with the irises and instead of just yanking it like I normally did which is basically just ripping it off at the surface I just sort of gently started tugging and as I started tugging the root started coming out and then I started shaking at it and the dirt started shaking off and I take my shovel and I start easing around because I don't want to slice the root I need to get to the source of it right otherwise what happens when you just trim something when you cut it off at the surface well that just empowers the roots to start sprouting up other things well I'll be damned you guys I get the shovel and I dig underneath and I start popping it up and because the soil is wet it's a lot looser this [ __ ] root went from my irises all the way under our lawn to the other flower bed 10 feet away to pop up another Clump into the peonies and that same damn root was also the source of the clump of Fescue that was now growing in my daisies and in the flocks and I couldn't believe it it was all coming from the same root and if there's one thing I've learned in a decade of coaching people and all of the research that I've done is that when it comes to the things that aren't working in our life we have such a low tolerance for going deep that we just try to remove it at the surface and then all of a sudden you're dating another loser all of a sudden the same [ __ ] with your mother showing up all of a sudden the same wound from your childhood is getting triggered why why does this keep happening I'll tell you why you're working on the wrong problem because you're just trying to clear it away at the surface you're missing the bigger picture these problems all connect there is a root cause that you need to dig out and today I'm going to teach you how to do it a fellow listener of the Mel Robbins podcast wrote to me Ricky she's 44. she is stuck on the outside her life looks amazing the garden's beautiful right but she can't get where she wants to go she feels like she's lost a part of herself she doesn't know what the hell's going on all her friends think her life looks great but it's not and let me tell you something she's working on the wrong problem but Mel Robbins has her shovel and I'm gonna dig deep and wait till you discover what I find because it comes out of nowhere you ready I sure am let's start digging hi hi it's so good to see you no it is so good to see you oh thank you I am over the moon right now I feel so giddy so blessed so grateful so thankful I'm just yeah I this is just unreal awesome well hopefully you'll still feel the same way after you hear what I have to say oh um so Ricky thank you so much for taking the time to be with me I'm so excited to um hear what's going on and see if we can't get you fired up and moving in the right direction so let's get started why don't you just go ahead and tell me what is the challenge that you're facing and uh how can I help you okay I am stuck okay like I feel like I am in Wick sand and every time I try to move I think um and I've been on the personal growth the development for years I've read like all these self-help books I've done programs I've done but I still feel like my like I'm 44 now and I feel like life has passed me by I feel like I'm in a job that's I mean pays bills it's not fulfilling um I thought that I'd be in a you know relationship of have a husband have kids by now but don't I I the the relationship with myself is not who I'd like it to be and I I also like I I'm in the worst shape I've ever been in my life and I look up to myself in the mirror and I'm just like okay those 30 pounds where did they come from oh yeah that's right you made all these choices of eating bad food right and so I just feel like I don't know what to do I don't know where to start I don't know well I do know where to start but at the same time I don't I feel like I don't know where to start so I just feel like yeah I I don't know where to go from here because I read all the books because I've done all of that stuff I'm just like but I'm still here um okay thank you for sharing all that and what I got is that you're in a job that's not fulfilling but it pays the bills that you're in the worst shape of your life and you have put on an extra 30 pounds that you are not where you thought you would be in your personal life because at the age of 44 you thought you'd be married and have four kids and your relationship with yourself is also in the gutter and on top of all of this you have been somebody that has read all these self-help books you are interested in personal development and yet you still feel very stuck did I get it is there anything else you've got in a nutshell pretty much yeah okay yeah so do you want to hear the good news or the bad news let's go for the bad news okay [Laughter] so the bad news is that um you are going to have to push through the emotion and the resignation that has built up that's the bad news that your own story that you are not where you should be that you made all these bad choices that none of the stuff that you do is actually gonna result in the big changes that you want the bad news is your own attitude and story and emotions are going to be the biggest obstacle in your way do you want to know the good news yes let's get some good news on here well what it what happened I saw your your face kind of go like when I said the bad news so what what was your reaction to the bad news dispute like it's like I gotta do this it just it felt it feels overwhelming it feels like this is some work some real work that I have to do and it feels like daunting why does it feel daunting so I feel like I have so much work to do I feel like there's just this insurmountable Mountain that is just un attainable but then there's another part of me that's like no it's not like you can do this you've got this but there's that part of me that's just like um Ricky it's not gonna happen for you and are you experiencing the life that you want to be living right now no there's moments there's moments yeah but the overall yeah okay see the thing is that the reason why the mountain feels insurmountable is because you've convinced yourself that it's too late that's the only reason why it feels insurmountable the work is the work and the work that will change your life and get you in shape and help you find a fulfilling career and get your life force back and have you have a wonderful relationship with yourself and when that happens the right person walks in the work you need to do is the same work everybody needs to do to have those things it's the story that you're telling yourself that you're already [ __ ] up and that it's too late and that it's gonna require too much and it's not gonna happen that's the only reason why you haven't gotten started if I could tell you that the best years of your life were ahead of you would you do the work yeah okay yeah great the best years of your life Ricky are ahead of you you know what there's a voice in my head right now and that voice says this is this is BS and the best years of your life where before like when you were 22 when you were when you're when you were in your 20s that's where there's like this there's this recording back there that's saying that and it's so frustrating it's extremely frustrating because I want to believe it I want to believe you when you tell me that my best years are ahead of me and I have friends who tell me that the best years are ahead of me it's like why can't I believe that why can't I take what you're saying and and actually truly hang on and believe it 100 because that's really what I want there's a number because I gotta believe it to achieve it right yeah there's a number of reasons why number one you've been telling yourself the other story for so long that it's not going to happen that that's by come your belief number two because that's been your story but it's not going to happen and you're sad about that your actions in your day-to-day life your routines your rituals your habits they now match that story and so you have started to align with a person who believes that the best days of her life are behind you which is why you're not taking care of your health it's why having a job that is slowly sucking your soul to our eye but paying the bills is enough it's why you've kind of given up uh or lowered your standards when it comes to the kind of person that you want to attract your actions keep you stuck because your actions are the kind of actions that somebody who doesn't believe that the best days of their life are ahead them ahead of them are taking and so the solution is to figure out what the day-to-day life looks like of a woman who believes that the best days of her life are ahead of her and by God she's going to act that way and I also have a suspicion I have a suspicion that something happened to you either in your late 20s or in your 30s that knocked you on your ass and knocked you off track and you have it recovered from it because it strikes me that you say my 20s were the best time of my life and so tell me about what was going on in your 20s that made you feel like it was the best time of your life and then I want to know what the hell happened that changed it I feel like in my 20s I was more confident I was doing the things that I liked I was I was um what really happened my dad died okay how old were you died when I was 28. um yeah and there was after that there was some depression that happened and you know um some significant breakups that happened um and I feel like those were just like probably things that kind of crushed me exactly I just didn't really recover there you go that's what happened you experienced profound loss and the loss of your father followed by the breakup of a significant relationship spun you around and you have an opportunity to figure out what does it look like for you and your life now to create that Foundation that got ripped out from underneath you when you were in your late 20s if I had to to describe it I would say that you went through a great loss and you have spent a decade grieving and whether you realized it or not and that in the past couple years you've spent these past couple years kind of waking up from that and being disappointed with Where You Are and that's okay it's okay and one of the reasons why it's so easy Ricky to find yourself in a situation where you've read all the books you listened to the podcast but you do nothing is because I think you're stuck also in a kind of freeze trauma response in your body where things kind of stopped moving forward when your dad died and you went into kind of this mode I kind of have this vision of you almost like hunkered down waiting for the next thing to happen so like you go into this mode of not dreaming not going for it like you used to in your 20s but narrowing your focus to just getting through the day and when you read all the books you gain knowledge right that stays right up here but what you're dealing with is you're dealing with something that happened to you in your heart and your soul is any of this Landing for you yeah and it's the strangest thing is that I've never really put that together like I never really connected that um like I didn't really feel like I've been grieving over for 10 years I felt like like when people ask me like like when I think about my dad passing away I feel like I've breathed and I feel like I've moved forward and I feel like I'm okay with it I didn't really connect my being stuck in my life to that so I think in some ways you gave up on your own dreams and then the breakup happened and maybe was it some was it were you with somebody that you thought you were going to marry I did um and it's weird because it's not just one relationship it was like everything every relationship that I kind of got into afterwards it was just like laughs I don't know I I can't even really explain it um but in my mind I believed that more would come of it um and and embarrassed even like talking about this right now why [Music] um why um um because you don't want to be that person that thought there was more and then there really wasn't and I I feel like that's what I have been and yeah that's why it's and it's it hurts um yeah so um I can see why that would hurt and I want you to consider looking at those relationships through a different lens because we're going to start working on the story that you're telling yourself because part of the relationship story is I'm a failure I fall for people and I think that it's going somewhere and they don't want me the way that I want them I'm a failure and I have a hunch and again we just met but I have a hunch that if you were to look back on those string of relationships that didn't work after your father died you were coping with your grief you are not showing up healed whole confident you you were showing up in those relationships with a whole that grief had created and so when you get into a relationship and you get attached to somebody because they are filling a need that you have that you can't do in your own life that's when things get out of balance and because you were grieving and I get the sense from you because you strike me a little bit like me that you thought you're fine so we're going to move on and we're going to keep working and we're going to go forward with life and now I'm going to meet this person and everything's okay because I don't want to scratch on that deeper thing that's really painful because I'm okay and I'm not and I'm going to be tough and yet you carry all that stuff with you and I think that's what happened in your relationships that you were so wanting to be um basically to disappear in a relationship and to feel safe again that you fall very quickly and then you misread the room and that's it that's all that happened again because of the grief and this is all very normal and when you start to see that things aren't lining up the way that you expected you start to feel bad about yourself and you start to wonder what's wrong with me and there's nothing wrong with you nothing and what you get to do now Ricky as we get to say today is day one of you reclaiming your happiness and taking your life back and healing what needs to be healed and defining for you what does a really fun and exciting life look like and so I want to walk you through a super simple exercise okay okay I can see you processing what emotions are coming up for you I don't Wanna Cry why because I feel like if I cry right now it'll be really ugly great and love just being really sobby and great um what are the tears about letting go I I am so used to this might sound really crazy but so used to feeling a certain way that feeling that imagining feeling differently feels almost uncomfortable what is the way that you're used to feeling let it come up that is not doesn't matter how much by that how much good comes into my life events like it will never be how I want it to be like I will never get to where I all the things that I desire thought they'll actually never it'll come so close but not for me it happens to everyone else around me but it won't happen for me well it definitely won't if that's your belief because you won't let it in and is this the way you want to experience life no no and what would you have to change about the way that you live your life for the story that you tell yourself in order to have a different experience I would have to change that story I would have to change that belief I would have to do things differently yes you'd have to cry and the tears are super important because in the on the topic of your dad all the tears that you cry over somebody that has died it's just the love that you didn't get to express while they were here so it's a way to let love into your life all the tears that you need to cry over disappointment that you're letting go that's the baggage and the shame and the kind of beating yourself up that you've been doing for years that's like a backpack that you drag around it's a way to release that you focus so much on holding it together and being strong and moving forward and then at the same time like mounting all this evidence for how things are not working that you're not letting love and joy and connection in you're protecting yourself from it and you're building a case against it so many people do this I did this for so many years too um and you know I want you to think about something maybe this will help because I can tell you what to do Ricky I can literally and I will I'll give you the Domino that you need to tip first that will trigger a ton of other change and if you just start chipping away at it we can change absolutely everything you can lose weight you can start feeling like you're in your 20s again you can change your job you can get support and heal and really do the work to complete and feel present with your dad you can forgive yourself for whatever you're doing or you can forgive yourself for how you spent the last 14 years you can do all that the doing is the easy part but I want you to have a deeper experience in what you're saying to yourself and you won't believe it in the beginning but we gotta figure out what you want to believe and then we're gonna list a series of rituals that you're going to do every day that are the actions that a person that believes that their life is amazing that the best days of their life are ahead that they deserve to be healthy and happy and vibrant and alive and in love we got to start aligning your day-to-day actions with the belief that you want to be driving your life and so that parts easy it really is because just here's the [ __ ] you need to do [ __ ] do it that's it like that that's changed but there's a deeper breakthrough for you and I would classify it as letting love in and I have this visual that I use in my mind because I didn't realize how much I blocked love I like to think about like your heart and your life as having a door right that separates you from the rest of the world and for many many years the door between me and my heart and soul and the rest of the world was this like freaking mid-century steel thing that you would see on a castle that is impenetrable right because I didn't trust people I didn't love myself I didn't feel like I was worthy I saw all kinds of reasons why I'd [ __ ] things up while I was a bad person and as I've done more and more work to be kinder to myself to change the story about what I want to experience in life I've started to convert that door I did a renovation project I got rid of that door and I put the kind of doors that you see into a kitchen in a restaurant you know that's got the tooth and they swing back and forth because it allows me to be more present to when I'm letting love flow to other people and more importantly when I allow the love to flow back to me does that resonate at all with you yes and no okay um I'll tell you why it doesn't and maybe you can help me with it because maybe it doesn't I'm just not I'm not seeing it so I am and my heart is completely just open for everybody and anyone okay like when I say that I'm just like I'm that friend that's always there I'm that sister or that person that's always there holding space for everybody else um being the rock for everyone else loving and not because I don't want to because I really do yeah really do um and so I give so much love um and I do receive love I think that I do but maybe I don't I don't know I just you're shaking your head like no rocks typically don't allow a lot of love in and if you're spending a lot of your own energy beating yourself up and feeling disappointed and settling that's going to block love that everybody has to give to you no no no no the best days of my life are not ahead no no no no I don't need to help no I'm okay now you don't have to go with me there now I can handle this on my own ah now I don't look good in this dress that's not true okay I I do that me too or used to so what do you think changed when your dad died um I really don't know I feel Maybe I've always wanted to make him proud of me um um and when he died I felt like I didn't get the chance to do that and that I never will get the chance to do that even though he never said that he never told me he wasn't proud of me he actually he actually told me before he passed that he was but I guess I just didn't really believe it because I wasn't proud of me and I just never got the chance to really yeah I never got the chance to really show him who I could have been who I believed that could be thank you for going there that's what happened you're the one who decided that was the expiration date on you doing and living and being who you want to be and you know there's that term I've seen a lot of people talking about called quiet quitting it's almost like you quietly quit on your own ambition and your own dreams and so I want to reclaim that for you okay because you're what's your dad's name Joe Joe Joe Joe's still here Joe's watching Joe is proud of you this isn't Joe's [ __ ] this is your [ __ ] and here's the great news you do have your entire lifetime to make yourself proud and Joe's watching and so your first assignment for me is I want you to write a letter to Joe your dad and I want you to thank him for being so proud of you and I want you to tell them that you miss him and you still feel that he's here and you thank him for being with you and guiding you and that you are writing this because you wanted to make a promise to yourself and a promise to him that you are going to go and do some amazing things in your lifetime and is he buried somewhere yes is it close by yeah I want you to go to his grave with the letter and I want you to read it to him okay yeah and one of the things I also want you to do is I want you to think back to your 20s and I want you to think about the things that you were doing in your 20s before your dad died that you don't do now what are those things making more risks great I was I was pursuing some free of things great and I don't do that anymore okay great so creativity because what you're going to put in your letter is and Dad one of the things that I promised to you and to me that I'm going to do is I'm going to bring back what is the creative stuff used to do Ricky actually I used to act and I'm going to sign up for an acting class I'm going to start going to auditions again I'm going to join the Community Theater I'm gonna try out for the Summer Stock Program is there anything else that you used to do I'm going to start singing writing great writing yeah amazing amazing that's incredible and the reason why this is so incredible is because a job change doesn't go deep enough to change what's actually blocking your life force and your happiness and if I were to have started this conversation by going hey you know what you should do you should just go Act you'd be like what the [ __ ] no but when you can connect it to the fact that there is this vibrancy this self-expression this flow and exchange because what's interesting about acting and singing right and writing is it's not just you going out it's the love that comes back in from castmates and audience and musicians and all the people that are collaborating or witnessing that beautiful self-expression and so that is a perfect pathway for you to change the direction of your life by simply adding in the things that got lost when your life got turned upside down and I think the act of writing that letter and going to your dad's grave and making a promise to him and to yourself that this is what you're going to put back into your life will be a way bigger deal and a way bigger motivator than any formula that I could ever give you see the research shows that in order for somebody to achieve a goal a dream or make a change stick there are two things that have to be present you have to have the reason why you're doing it and you've got to have the way or the how you're going to do it and you're a smart cookie you know how to audition you know how to start singing again whether it's in a church choir or with a group or whatever you know how to act you got the way all day long you got to connect the Y back to your dad and back to you giving yourself permission to be happy and to be proud of yourself that's your why and when you marry those two things with the step by step of just oh once a week I gotta go to my singing group oh once a week I gotta audition for some oh once a week I got we're done here because if you give yourself permission to do that it will open up so much momentum and energy that you'll change your job like that you'll start exercising and taking care of yourself but that's the missing piece you know what I just thought of so it's just like popped into my head um I used to really really love working out and it never felt like a chore it was just something I'd love to do and I would be running and I but when I found where I found out that my dad had passed away was when I was I just finished a workout and I opened my locker and I checked my phone and I so I found out he passed away while I was at the gym and after that going to the gym like yes I still went but it never had the same momentum to it anymore and I'm just connecting that right now that is a beautiful Insight a life-changing one because do you remember what happened is let's go back to that moment you open up the locker you reach in and you grab your phone and how did you learn there was several messages okay from my sister that were there and so I called back and then she had said to me I let's we're I told her I was at the gym and she's like okay just call me when you get home and I was like what's going on something in me knew that because he was he had been in the hospital at the time and something in me I just said just tell me just tell me just tell me and then [ __ ] and then she told me see and I remember yes you remember because that's a traumatic event in your life and it got married with something that you loved to do so it makes perfect sense that it pulled the ease and the joy out of the thing that you used to love to do but now that you have that incredible self-awareness I would include that in the latter yeah that and I know you wouldn't have wanted and me didn't stop doing that and I didn't either and I didn't I I just realized this and I'm freeing myself of this and I'm telling you I love you and thank you for being proud of me and um I'm gonna start running again every day I'm gonna start doing this I'm going to start living again what are you getting from this conversation um like things are clicking that I never actually thought had anything to do with each other you know this this conversation we're having I had no idea it was gonna go where it went and I I didn't think that my dad had anything to do with me feeling stuck you know it's just it's it's I'm very surprised does it make sense yeah it does you're far away from the death so it wouldn't make sense in the moment but when you look backwards over time and you see kind of the events that happened as soon as you found out and how those then accumulate and start to weigh you down and then it slowly starts to shift your day-to-day life and the things that you feel like doing and you mentioned that you had a bout of depression after he died and the heaviness emotionally that comes with that makes it feel impossible to get to acting or impossible to express yourself or impossible to get to the gym and you can wake up from a period like that years later and suddenly you're a person that doesn't exercise anymore and you're not acting anymore and you don't quite know why because it wasn't like huh there's this big thing that happened a year it now it happened over time as you were surviving something traumatic and your opportunity now and I'm gonna I'm gonna recap it is I want you to take out a piece of paper and I want you to draw a line down the center and on the left hand side I want you to write down what did an average week look like for you in your 20s when did you wake up how often did you see your friends what were you doing for exercise your hobbies and your self-expression and your artistry how often were you engaged in that and then on the right hand side you're going to write down what your day-to-day or your weekly life looks like now and then you just compare the two lists and your own life Ricky holds the map for tapping back into your life force energy and your joy and your momentum and I do think that exercise is a critical piece of this and a simple way to get started is if you were to just walk once 10 minutes a day outside that's it walk like you're late for 10 minutes every day it is shocking how fast it starts to build the momentum of you moving again how you feeling good I mean like it's just helpful that's what that's what I should say I should say hopeful terrific um can you write this letter and go read it to your dad in the next 24 hours no okay I can write the letter okay um right right now I'm actually away I'm on vacation oh great okay when by when can you do this assignment um next week great I would love to talk to you after you've done it okay and I'll give you the next step okay terrific and in the meantime compare those two lists I want you to make sure add in Walking for 10 minutes like you're late every single day and we will build from there okay awesome oh and there's one other thing I want to tell you because um how old are you again 44 yes okay so let me tell you something when I was 44 which would have been 2013. my life was not where I thought it was going to be I was eight hundred thousand dollars in debt there were liens on the house my husband was leaving a restaurant business that was failing and hadn't been paid in six months I was struggling with a drinking problem and I had only just given that tedx talk that had somebody had just put online I was working two jobs to pay our bills because my husband was so depressed and bottomed out that he couldn't do anything and I could barely keep the groceries on the table and the lights on at our house that was 2013. so when I tell you at the age of 44 that the best years of your life are ahead of you I [ __ ] mean it you have no idea what you're capable of but what I do know is that when you figure out why you want your life to be better and when you put your head down and you chip away at it you will be startled by what you are able to achieve I hadn't written a book I didn't have a podcast I didn't have a social media account I I hadn't really told anybody about the five second rule I didn't have any big plans to do anything other than try to pay my bills and keep my family together when you figure out how to heal and why you want to create a better life you will be shocked at what unfolds I see a smile yeah yeah because that sounds exciting to me yeah it is exciting we need you we need you we need you to start acting and writing and singing again we need you to be happy again because when you are it's going to be incredible to see what you go create yeah awesome thank you you're welcome thank you I love you I love you Mel all right well we will talk to you after you talk to your dad okay wow that was incredible and you want to know what else is incredible Ricky did write that letter and she did go to her father's grave and she recorded an update for you and me check it out hi Mel it's Ricky so I went to the cemetery to visit my father and I went um happened to be the 16th anniversary of when we buried him um it's crazy just the way that it ended up turning out because a friend of mine was driving down that into that area and then I asked her if she could take me and she said sure and then she said the day that she was going and I just it's just crazy that it just ended up being the exact same day that we buried my dad uh 16 years ago so that was pretty pretty crazy anyway um so yeah I went and I brought him some tulips which were one of his favorite flowers his other flower that he loved was the calla lily but um yeah so we he used to plant tulips in our front yard and uh all different colors and Umbra used to love the springtime because of the Tulips but um as I digress um so anyway I read him the letter that I wrote and I told him you know how much I missed him and what he means to me and so what he meant to me what he still means to me and that um I mean I told him about you know how I've kind of been giving up on life because I I wanted his you know I wanted to prove I I didn't have the chance to you know have him be proud of me and I told him about the revelations and the AHA moments that I had with you Mel and that I continued to have after our our session and my journaling um and it was really nice to just sit there and kind of tell him you know everything um and uh also told them about how I haven't been showing up in my life and so I'll talk to him about you know the me not you know being very um into working out anymore because of you know unconsciously I didn't even realize but yeah but um I did I told him all of that and and then I went into saying that you know I'm making him a promise that I know that he's proud of me and that I can still make him proud of the life that is ahead of me and that there's so much to my life that he's going to be able to watch and see and guide me through my decisions still even just because he's not here physically that doesn't mean that you know um that he can't help me and that I can't that he can't still be proud of me so um yeah I made him that promise and that I'm gonna start really living my life and um yeah so I just wanted to give you that update sorted long and um yeah so I just wanted to say thank you Mel thank you so much and I just feel like everything is just it gonna be like just accelerating um I just I really believe that my life is going to be unrecognizable this time next year it's just going to be like so much manifestations of all the things all the things relationship you know um career and anyways yeah so that's the my long sorted um update for you I probably should condense it to something smaller um but yeah I think that's all I have to say but thank you all right I'm not crying you're crying oh my gosh I I just love this I love these conversations I love sharing them with you I believe her I believe that everything's accelerating I believe that her life is going to be unrecognizable this time next year and the belief is so important you just experienced what it's like to go from convincing yourself that you can't change and it's never going to work out for you to seeing What Lies Beneath the surface and what happens when you are willing to dig out those roots when you're reeling to go deep when you're willing to do the work to truly change what you believe and mean it wow and one other thing that I always mean is that I love you when I tell you I love you I mean it and I always say it because so many people don't have anybody in their life that tells them I love you I'm proud of you and I want you to let that in let it in I love you I believe in you I believe in your ability to stop attacking this stuff on the surface and go a little deeper connect the dots between where you are and what might have happened to you and do the work to make today day one of you believing that your life will be unrecognizable this time next year because if you do the work it will be alrighty talk to you in a few days bye oh one more thing it's the legal language this podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes it is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician professional coach psychotherapist or other qualified professionals thank you [Music] foreign hey it's Mel thank you so much for being here if you enjoyed that video bye God please subscribe because I don't want you to miss a thing thank you so much for being here we've got so much amazing stuff coming thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family I love you we create these videos for you so make sure you subscribe

Channel: Mel Robbins

Views: 97,035

Keywords: Mel Robbins, Mel Robbins Motivation, Mel Robbins Advice, inspiration

Id: zb9yteXYOzc

Length: 61min 52sec (3712 seconds)

Published: Mon May 15 2023