Kim: When people see the fencing
they assume it's a gang house. But we are not really a gang. We're just a wee family. Just a normal happy family really. Well, I wouldn't go so far
as to say normal. But a happy family. It does look intimidating. It's not overly inviting. But they are more than welcome. We will invite anyone in... whether you get out
is another story. Well done boys.
You can go inside now. You don't have to go backwards. He's so special. Unique... (Laughs) I wouldn't know how
to put it into words. Everyone is different. Jacob is shy and likes staying
in his room watching movies. He's extremely smart. Jackson I'm not sure what
it would be like to be him. I imagine I'd be mostly confused
about how the world works. All I see my disability is that I find
it a little more difficult to learn things and to pull the information back
out when I need it. Kim: Jahram was diagnosed
autistic and dyspraxic. But because he can talk he doesn't
think he is compared to his brothers. You have to learn simple
solutions for everything. Change your way of
looking at things rather than being upset
by how the kids do things work a way of making it fit
in with our normal lives. The challenges are that
the children don't talk. You don't know how they're
feeling or what they are thinking. And how safe they are. I'm practicing my sign language. Jackson is trying but he thinks he can
say "good morning" to everything. But little bits each day and
it does make a difference. Jacob's more verbal now because
he doesn't like sign language. I love my kids. I've always wanted to be a mum. I didn't think it would
be this hard. I thought it would be... maybe that's my fault that
I had high expectations. But I suppose every parent does. I figure for the rest of my life
I'll probably be caring for the kids. Until I "kark" it, really. Kim: In the mornings Jacob
gets up first at 6.30am. His taxi arrives 7.30am. Jackson stays in bed until
Jacob's taxi has left. He comes out and has
his breakfast then. In the mornings when Jacob
has his breakfast he can't see the TV. He sets the mirror up so he can
watch it from the breakfast table. Pretty smart really. They use to have breakfast together
but they don't like each other so that makes it difficult. The fighting, screaming and
kicking at each other. It's best not to wind them up
or stress them out. What time are you going to
head down for the taxi, son? 7.20am. Okay then I'll be onto it. I know it's not normal... but nothing in our house is. We just do things to keep
everything peaceful. Jacob use to "melt down"
ten times a minute sort of thing. He screams and gets grumpy. He starts doing his ticks
and walking laps. It's not nice seeing him
wound up like that because it takes him a long
time to calm down. So you try not to get him in
that state in the first place. A lot of compromise and having
separate rules for each kid... ...is the only way that it works. The boys get a taxi
to and from school. They are in separate taxis. Morning son it's time to get up. Jackson he's awesome. All I have to do now is turn
the shower on for him, set his tooth brush up and armpits.
spray him with deodorant. He hasn't quite worked out
how to line that up. Oh and also help wipe his bum. Unfortunately still doing that job. Arms up lets go. Cool good man thank you. Jackson come brush
your teeth please. Good man. They're all getting older
so more mature. But now my plans are
around Jackson. Age wise he's at seven or
eight years mentality. It's just picking Jackson up
and moving him forward. We have to work more on
sign language and speech because no communication
is just hard work. Seatbelt on please. Good man. We just take it one day at a time. There's no point making plans because anything could happen. You've got 5-6 hours off during week
days while they're at school. It's an 18-hour-a-day job
and 24 in the weekends. I would like a life outside
of just this house. I would like a partner to help,
not just with chores. But enjoy the good times
and go places. A bit of back up when
you are a bit stressed. Someone to remind you
to chill down a bit. Because it can get stressful. On a normal day I'd wake up,
have breakfast and go for a walk. Maybe do weight lifting. Watch a movie or go
out with friends. Have dinner and then
go to bed (laughs). An ideal day would be... something very exhausting. I'd rather do labouring
or carpet laying. I do like a hard days work. Kim: Jahram is out of
school and not working because it needs to be
someone understanding about Jahram forgetting
everything daily. That's the problem
with his dyspraxia it's very frustrating because
you know he knows it but he cannot remember. People generally yell at him
and then he loses the plot totally. Hi...thank you have a good day
see you later. With Jackson because
he is such a runner, padlocks definitely and the
fencing is inside and out so they can't climb
up the posts. We got rid of the
plastic furniture, anything that is mobile
it has gone. I don't know if Jackson
could climb up but it's just not
worth the risk. It's a really horrible feeling
losing your child. Jackson has gone places. He got all the way to Highbury
on his feet before. Hi son did you
have a good day? Yeah. What did you do today
did you go to the farm? No. What did you do today
where did you go? To Wenderholm. What did you do there? Made some plants. Jacob and Jackson lunch! Thank you. You're very welcome.
Good manners. You become a parent because
you're bringing life into the world. And your job is to get that
child set up for life. You know you have done a good
job when they can move out. But unfortunately that's not
going to happen with my kids. Hi Jackson time for a shower.
Get your pyjamas please. I don't want to send them off
to be cared for by other people... when it is my job. It's pretty much us four
doing everything. Put your hand under the tap. Test it...test it. Alright not too hot? Put the shampoo in your hand. Soap on the cloth please. Come on. Jackson: I'm the happiest creature. Kim: Happiest creature,
yes lets have a wash. Normal life that people live
is not the same as ours. People don't understand that
my kids are my gifts. I am so lucky to have them. Bedtime sweetie.
Good man. The little things are what
are so special. When Jackson comes up
and says hi mum. It just about breaks my heart. And every other parent
gets that every day. So they don't appreciate
the real little things. (Knock knock) Kia Ora Sue: Kia Ora Kim You're all locked up? Kim: Always. Nice to meet you. I'm Sue Robertson from
'Imagine Better.' Come on through. Kim: This is my lounge
slash bedroom. Sue: That's the train track
running down the hallway. Kim: That's never ending eh. Unfortunately I don't
have my own room. The kids have to be separate
so I'm in the lounge. And have been for 16 years. So that is my space. Sue: Does that work for you? Kim: I don't enjoy it. But it's better than nothing and
at least have a roof over my head. I really do understand. I'm not just a random stranger coming
into your lounge from Imagine Better. We have three adult children.
Katie is 29 years old now. And she has all the attributes of
autism in all its gloriousness. Kim: Is she speaking? Sue: No she's never
developed language. Theoretically she has an
intellectual disability. And she lives at home with you still? No she doesn't. Seven years ago Neil and I
ran away from the family home. (Laughs) And left her to go flatting. But she needs considerable support. Kim: And she's still really happy? Sue: She's really happy. Kim: What about you and
your husband though? Sue: We've got a life back. Kim: I haven't had one of those
so that must be choice. Sue: Honestly it's absolutely possible. Sue: Path stands for "planning
alternative tomorrows with hope." And it's really forward looking. So what could be happening
by a date in the future where life would look sweet
and what would be involved in it? So if Imagine Better was to offer
to do a path plan for you... Kim: For me? Sue: Yeah...for you Kim. Kim: I always make myself restricted... because I don't know what
the kids will be doing next and where they are going to be. But I suppose if I get myself sorted
then I can sort the kids. I hadn't really thought about that way. Sue: Yeah and what we can
also look at in that vision... is a goal for each of the boys. Sue: I'm a bit like you and
what I have learned is... it's a courageous act to invite people in. That will definitely be difficult
it's hard asking for help. But it's so much easier to see
where help is needed for others. Yeah I'm going to have to bite
the bullet aren't I? (Music instrumental) It would be nice to have a partner
to share my life and the kids life. But it's just awkward trying
to fit someone in with us. We are so set in our routines
as well I suppose. So I can't imagine having time
to fit another person in. Okay Auntie don't take
any crap from the kids. I usually get quite anxious
when I have to leave them. Auntie Jhevelle's there so
it's a lot better. Occasionally I've had to leave Jahram
with them and that freaks me out. I rush it whereas I
should be relaxing... and enjoying my half
hour to myself. I don't really like shopping... people are a pain in the
ass in the place. You have to dodge round a few
of the pensioners... so I like to get it done
and get out of there. Yes this looks riper eh. Every time. Thank you very much. You too have a good day. ...good with us "specials". (Laughs) You are an egg man. All my friends are special
in their own unique ways. In unique ways we're all special. The boys come first foremost
and second and third. And she makes sure they've
got their food and their mum, and that's why she does get
a bit sick-tired. Even mentally being locked
in a place, and hearing about
some of us girls and the adventures we're
up to in our lives. I mean that can be a
bit of a downer. But she's marvellous and
you don't do it just for the boys... she has done it for
a lot of people. Kim: Well babysitting the kids for me
while I'm comatosed that's awesome. Yeah she got pretty sick
she got pleurisy. And they gave her a
cocktail of medicines... that would have knocked
any big guy out. And it knocked my mate out
right at Christmas time too. So I stayed here. I was so grateful to Jhevelle
because mum was in hospital, so I didn't have any
backup basically, which is something that we've realised
that I don't have a lot of. So we're going to have
to get onto that. That's the biggest scare and we've
talked about it a lot lately, is if anything happened to Kim and who would be here for the boys
for the rest of their lives. Because it would be for the
rest of their lives. They will never really come
into society the way they are. We may put them into homes,
but they've known it for so long here. And they love it here. I've never heard her complain
but she's always said... she's glad and proud of who
she has as her boys. Kim: There were no trade-ins
at the shop. No not for you
you naughty girl. I've caught her a couple of times
with Jackson or Jacob... she'll just stare at them like she's
so blessed to have been gifted the three that she's been gifted. Sue: We're off to Kate's place,
which is around the corner about two minutes away
from where Neil and I live. In the first year that
she went flatting... I was around there 3-4
times a week. And it took a few months before that
whittled down to 1-2 times a week. And Kate has just blossomed. She's really content and happy. She's a gardener, an artist and
a great house keeper. Have you done the
vacuuming this morning? So I have come to get
the vacuum cleaner okay? Did you weed your garden? There is a health and
safety issue that sits there where she needs considerable
support to live well. Under Individualized Funding
Katie's able to employ her own staff, which she does in her
own unique way. Supermarket with dad,
two cokes and 20 Kodak. See ya bye. (Music instrumental) I walk because it helps
me think about things, like how to get a job and what
I'm going to do for the day. For the majority of my life
it's been mum raising me. She really should take
better care of herself. She gets way too stressed
way to easily. But she's quite level headed for someone who has three
special needs children. Are you having a moi? Are you going to sleep now? Did you guys tell him to do that? I suppose with any child
you just love them because they are yours. But when they need so much
from you like these boys, it's more so because it is
like always having a baby. Having a baby is pretty awesome,
it's just they're a bit larger than me. It's pretty awesome,
unconditional (love). Lucky I got my tubes tied
before the autism, because I wouldn't have
coped if I'd had more. Not at all. Three is hard enough but I don't
think four would be doable. Living oppose the park,
I watch guys play cricket and footie. And I want to play
but I can't. So it's all good. I've had a life before
I had my kids. I was quite lucky beforehand,
I had my motorbike. I rode around a lot and go
visit the whanau and stuff. So I've had my life and
it's about the kids now. Hi Jack do you want
to go for a drive? Put your shoes and
socks on please. We're going to attempt to
go shopping with the boys. They've both got a $25 Warehouse
voucher from their Nana. Jacob do you want to get
your shoes and socks on? And we'll go for a drive. You're organized already
you're a good man. Shut the door when
you come out. I usually like to plan ahead,
tell the kids what we're doing a week or two in advance
just to prep them. Hand on the car. Okay you can hop in now please. We don't go out a lot because
Jackson and Jacob their sensory thing... it's just different things
set them off and upset them. Too much noise or too many people. Noises we don't even hear,
Jacob especially so it's safer to stay home. Believe me you'll
see what he's like. Then again he might be an angel
and you'll think 'she's full of crap.' So we will see. Let's go. Sue: I can only imagine
what it might be like... to have more than one family
member with autism living in the same house. But I really do understand how
your world can become small. But I think one of the things that
Kim is already missing is other people in her life and having
someone help you to think. Because you can get quite
stuck in your thinking. Kim: The risk of losing track
of Jackson at the Mall is that he could end
up anywhere. He's a runner and
he'll just go, which is understandable,
he's locked up daily. Which DVD do you want,
Cinderella? Only two, no, no,
only two, one, two. I took Jacob to the Mall once
and there's that advert Shake & Dog. And Jacob saw it and he just
screamed and screamed. We had to leave
because it upset him. And people are were just
looking at him. People judge them by
their behaviour and they don't understand
that maybe that kid's going off because a simple thing like
a noise that we can't hear. I've been judged by many but I don't really give a shit
what other people think. We cope and live in our world
the way we do best. And for others they can
live their life their way. Put your games on there. Just wait...just wait. You're alright don't panic. Thank you very much
you have a good day too. Do you want to carry those? Oh just yours. You did well boys
well done I'm impressed. Hi Sue how are you? Hi Kim I'm good. Come on through. Hi I'm Georgia. Hi I'm Kim. Hello how are you?
Nice to see you again. You too. And you're a friend of the boys. Kim: That's their Auntie. Sue: Georgia's our artist. Sue: Kim thank you so much for
inviting Georgia and I... to spend time with you today
to plan your path. If life looked really good
for you and your family, but we're focusing on you, then what would we
like to see happen? For example you've got
your bed in the lounge do you see yourself having
your own bedroom back? Once the kids have moved
out of home I can have the choice of bedrooms,
which would be really choice. Sue: So you'll have one younger
son still living at home? Yes that sounds awesome. Jahram will have left home,
he'll be flatting and working and popping back for
a few feeds. Jacob will be 21 and he will have come
to the end of transition planning and you'll have firm plans
in place for him. Jackson will be 19 and he'll be in
the middle of his transition planning. You'll be in some kind of
paid employment... Simple solutions for families,
if someone had come along and said "Have you tried this?"
when I first had the kids then that would have
been quite helpful. Sue: Jhevelle what would
you really like to see? I would like to see the boys settled
because that will settle her. If something happens to her
where do we go with the boys? That's my main goal in life is to know
that they're covered when I'm gone. Sue: Georgia a good term for that
is 'know that my boys are covered.' Kim: I think we're pretty well
sussed for the next couple of years. And something more to build on too
once I have this in my mind and sorted. Yeah it's been a great and
productive day. Sue: I'm really excited for Kim's future
and that of her family. She's done some really great planning
and I look forward to coming back. I think her world is open. Kim: That was good it gave
me other ways to look at things. Stepping back from the kids and
letting them do things for themselves. As long as the kids are happy,
happy and healthy children that's pretty much all I want. Jahram: I'm excited to be heading
out and doing something today. I'm going to be doing some
carpet laying with my dad. Good work well done. Beautiful!
