Ex-Prisoners Share Their Stories (/r/AskReddit) Reddit Stories

ex-inmates of Reddit what was the stupidest thing you've seen a new inmate do on his first day in prison [Music] one guy bragging about what he did to get himself in jail other dude showering barefoot great way to get convicted great way to get jungle fungus [ __ ] all over a suicide cell to make a point then stuck in there with their masterpiece reach across someone's food not wearing shower shoes in the shower gross that's where everyone Jack's often damp comes all over the floor not to mention w/e disease they've got kid gets booked in hits the unit and starts borrowing food and other commissary items before he knew it he was $200 in the hole problem is in jail and prison most people who are willing to loan items out expect two or three of the same item back yeah no interest very easy way to get yourself indebted is by borrowing any food or other items never get in debt while incarcerated goofy-looking kid curly hair thick glasses he comes in and for some reason he befriends me he starts telling me what he did sexual assault if a minor I told him not to be telling nobody that pooped because it'll get you in trouble the rest of that day and the next I bailed out by then I could hear him from across the hall telling other people not surprised if he's been kicked around a few times I did 14 years in federal prison for wire fraud I got out last February I'm 36 some things I can say are these while your sexuality may not be an issue outside of prison inside prison male inmates who are openly gay are generally disrespected gambling and drugs create debts that are at some point unable to be paid and can result in serious issues for yourself most prisons operate a social hierarchy based on gang affiliations or hometowns although there can be large separations based on race however rapists and child molesters will basically be free gain for anyone who wants to take their poop or torment them you might have been a badass outside of prison but generally you can't fight several people at once which is what would happen if you talk about how much of a badass you are keep your poop to yourself and don't talk crazy to people which is seen as disrespect respect disrespect has a different meaning in prison and you'll figure it out best to just keep to yourself unless as much as possible unless you want to embrace prison life and become institutionalized prison is not a place to make friends a slight twist we had a pink wet floor sign that we would put up in the entrance to the showers so everyone knew there was someone in there jerking off the fun game was to watch the new guys myself included innocently walk into the entrance to the showers that very first time past the pink wet floor sign and then see him come skittering back out a few moments later collect call his grandma and just cuss her out and talk her like dog poop because she didn't want to put her house up for collateral to bail him out tell literally everyone how he was going to escape and showed off all the tools he was using father-in-law did 12 years on a second-degree murder rap back in the very early 90s he told me that one time this new guy plopped himself down at the Hells Angels table and started eating breakfast when he was told to move he ignored them after breakfast the CIO's ended up having to cut through about six rolls of duct tape to get the guy loose he never sat near the a chaise again guy came and got on the top bunk within 10 minutes dude rolled off it and smacked his head on the concrete started to have a seizure gods eventually came and just videotaped him for a while in the middle of the room eventually they walked him out when he stopped but then he ran into the wall and fell down then started to seizure again they just kept filming nobody really thought he was having seizures but he hit his head pretty bad so they took him to the infirmary not shower for weeks he got his clothes ripped up and he was thrown half naked into the showers they also tuned him up pretty good where I was in prison they utilized 40 millimeter soft round launchers to respond to group disturbances let me tell you they went soft kid comes and thinking Lee still hardcore from juvenile hall because guards they didn't do anything when people fought decided to happen join a gang that he knew nothing about on his first day thought he was tough and started to disturb Aang they had high tensions with at the time and started a group disturbance CEOs respond tell him to get down he refuses and curses at them boom forty millimeters to his face was an accidental shot to the face according to the CEO face was distorted as hell after fractured skull on his first day man it really depends on the block urine by how much you can get away with but one time we had someone who got kicked out of another dorm for snitching on someone get placed in our dorm and immediately got his ass beat and also fake claiming you're in a gang is a very quick way to get jumped and also don't know people money excuse me sir there seems to be a mistake I'm supposed to be getting out of prison today this may not have been his first day but I will never forget this this while I was in the intake tank which is the first tank whole section you go into after being processed in County this young kid comes into County and keeps complaining that he doesn't get his cannabinol and other marijuana related prescriptions in jail he was really arrogant and constant pissing everyone off during count one day as we were all in our bunks he starts complaining again and then says to the God what if we all right immediately like ten other guys yell very loudly we don't know or agree with him the gut then says what the frick did you say the kid then continues about rioting and that he has rights everyone in the tank freakin stays like frozen in their bunk trying their best to be non-threatening and also show they have no interest in what this [ __ ] is saying so the God picks him up by his throat and slams him into the wall after scaring the kid poopless he explains he has a new charge for inciting a riot kid gets hauled off to solitary never saw him again but I heard he spent the rest of his three zero six zero nine zero whatever amount days in solitary absolutely insane to me that he'd say that in a frickin County Jail when the skinny little street thug white kid walked across the yard and threw a minor at a bench full of full-blown Crips didn't see him much after that poop storm skinny kid hippie type got busted with some weed someone else on the range was getting beat up for something or other and the kid tried to intervene just said hey leave him alone got mita within an inch of his life in the shower protip in jail mind your own business got busted for smoking weed with two buddies when we put in the holding cell one of them wanted mark the event by carving his name in the paint on the cell door when we got put in a Cell later they came back and took him to solitary for a week this weird guy named Robert from the TV show 60 days and has a couple stories that could be in this thread the stupidest may have been when he covered the prison camera with a sheet went to solitary thirty days he quit the program halfway [Music] so my dad's currently convicted and the craziest story he's told me as one of the newer inmates was young and arrogant always spouting off no poop about how unaccountable he was then one day another inmate packed up his items went into the younger inmates cell and tried to strangle him the younger inmate was that freaking annoying he survived the attempted murderer is in max and when the younger inmate came back from the hospital he was still spouting [ __ ] admit that he was in for sexual assault and being a pedo and then it was about 8:00 p.m. and we found out he was a chronic masturbator and he would not stop jacking off in his bunk he was 22 and it was jail not prison so at that moment we had May III of 12-15 people in our cell some guy woke up from a nap and thought he was having a seizure so he went to go check on him what a goddamn shock they both had edit spelling and grammar' not an ex-inmate but an X company dude came in on drug charges first thing he does upon walking into the pod is announce loudly enough that I could hear that he got drugs past that of poops an intake yeah not the brightest bulb that one law worked as a corrections officer guy got busted for sexual assault of a minor figured everyone else in the tank was on similar charges so began talking openly about it feeling he was safe we had to subdue five guys who jumped him in the rec yard guy was sent to the hospital as he was fairly unresponsive he was sent to protective custody after that no me a close friend was locked up in jail but they kept moving him around so for three days he didn't get a chance to shower when they did finally put him in a prison it was too late to shower first thing in the morning he was standing at the door of his shared cell waiting with the towel to go shower he was first one in stripped off and started scrubbing himself he could sense the other inmates getting in the showers around him but realized no one was using the shower heads next to him plus there was a queue at the door that's when he noticed he was the only one naked everyone else kept their boxer shorts on he kind just muttered sorry chaps and got out a sad eat the candy bar found on his pillow a new guy was in his 50s and had developed addiction problems later in life he somehow thought that his age afforded him control of the remote for the only TV on the range the tenon mates that rushed his cell kicked the living poop out of him and threw him down the stairs felt otherwise kid came in and I assume he has watched a lot of movies cuz he figured he'd fight the biggest guy on the range law he wasn't even the toughest guy in the hospital he woke up in tell the kid there was a pool out of the yard God saw him waiting to go out in shorts with his shower towel and asked him what he was doing kids said I'm gonna go swimming outside it looks nice don't think I've laughed so hard in my life it's unoriginal but always funny i wheeled my cart to the stairs with my footlocker's mattress and pillows on it I carried up my foot lockers and shut my cell door I forgot my mattress downstairs somehow no one had stolen it by the time I had the cops open my cell door and I went down to get it went in when I was a young idiot our pod was all bunk beds no cells just the room with beds and a side room with the TV it was a unit for all the people working the same job new guy comes in little white dude quiet and kept to himself until one night out of know way he starts sprinting around the room singing at the top of his lungs in the tune of Black Sabbath Sandman that changed the lyrics to I am the n-word man running through the hood from the Ku Klux Klan everyone was just kind of frozen for about 15 seconds seriously confused then someone tripped him and then it was just mayhem until the CEO could get enough help to disperse the crowd I remember being surprised he survived everyone in the unit had steel toe boots for the job we did holding them and hitting him and with them instead of wearing and kicking the scene afterwards where all the guys are trying to figure out his boots ah who's and comparing who's had the most blood was freaking surreal hey Opie I hope you have a good first day of prison tomorrow this idiot walked right into a Mexican gang meeting and almost got beaten up sauce and the idiot edit I was in jail not prison my mistake again an idiot second edit since many people are asking from what I understand the difference between prison and jail is this jail is for sentences of less than a year whereas prison is for sentences of over a year varying from state to state jails is run by the city or county prisons ran by state or federal government you can go to jail to await your trial before sentencing then after be sent back to jail or to prison depending on how long and whether it's a felony or not prisoners for felonies obligatory not me but I know a guy and his cellmate was a young 19 year old kid the kid was confused and in the course of talking about their lives admitted he was be the guy I know told him hey man that's cool but don't tell that to anyone else in here seriously current correctional officer we had a brand new inmate who'd never been in jail before he was given a lightly used mattress that had been sewn up and sent back to our and all about 30 minutes into it he calls our central control saying that his Matt had a lump in it yes just like the princess and the pea an officer goes back to check it out sure enough as about a thumb-sized lump in this dude's mattress the CEO opens a sewn end of the mat and finds a black package for those of you not familiar with correctional lingo this refers to an object typically ovular and shape that is wrapped in black electrical tape commonly used to transport contraband via the rectum , he takes the package and the mat and comes back up to intake five minutes later we get an emergency call-out for a fight in that housing unit for old-timers inmates who've been there awhile jump the kid and were calling him an officer and when we were escorting him out they told us to make sure he put an application in the package ended up being a small amount of tobacco which is a pretty common find for us that kid never came back to jail probably for the best hi there look if you enjoy the video well why not go ahead and hit that like and subscribe to Reddit stories in fact if you want to see even more responses to this thread well then take a look there's the link in the description below and remember show some love to those authors while you're there and I look forward to seeing you next time

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Id: vi9K6HIx3t8

Length: 16min 35sec (995 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 04 2020