Everything Wrong With The Black Phone in 18 Minutes or Less

thank you to betterhelp for sponsoring this video it's an online therapeutic resource that will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist all from the comfort of your home people often forget that mental health is just as important as physical health i know i do to get started head to betterhelp.com cinemasins answer a few questions about your state of mind and before you know it you'll be matched with a therapist who will work with you connect with a therapist a safe and secure online environment no this isn't self-help this is a real connection with an actual human being and yeah you also get 10 off your first month when you click that link below now onto the show [Music] comcast movie opens up on coors product placement that is so aggressive i think i just became intoxicated watching it this movie is set the same year michael myers came back home you have to wonder if michael read the newspaper articles about the grabber in denver and thought amateur crowding the plate look at this kid's feet he's on the edge of the banners box i'm gonna have the editors run this pitch over and over while i narrate the sin because this pitch is off it's almost certainly cgi and it has big league movement right to left what the unless this is some kind of rookie of the year prequel i'm calling on this pitch i wouldn't worry about it too much finney once you get to pitch in a city that's not a mile above sea level and doesn't have to have a humidor set at 70 degrees and 50 humidity those bruce via motto home runs will turn into simple pop-ups so the soon as always just having to play baseball in denver man your arm is meant i mean maybe finney had allowed two runners to reach base before bruce came up to bat these are some of the freakiest opening credits since seven the vintage cornflakes box is on point but the sin here is for the casual cereal spillage you see you can slurp that a little louder just once i want jeremy davies to play the super ordinary guy that works at the grocery store as a produce manager and collects vintage glass baby bottles and has a girlfriend named mary beth or cindy you're the best oh he's got empathy for the boy that kicked his ass can this protagonist get any more perfect does he volunteer at the soup kitchen did he donate all his clothes to the thrift store so his mom had buying new clothes the surface layer is called the crust no the service area is called the topping unless he's not talking about pizza but he's a teacher why would he not be talking about pizza he doesn't explain it right now like you normalize the biggest bullies defending the nerns because they get study help from them yeah i took him down because obviously i'm the grabber you dumb fart knockers that sometimes my dreams are right she's right obviously because this is a movie but what would you say to this if you're one of the cops in the room he turns one lamp off but leaves the rest on as well as the raging fire you he did not keep that rocket between his fingers all night long you dropped that and then we'll breach your ass towards this heart he's an awful terrible abusive father he's evil but this is a long-running horror trope that i think we need to confront not every horror movie needs its hero to be confronting past demons when it confronts the movie's big bad sometimes a kid can have a good upbringing and still face evil and come out on top and yes horror as a genre is one that is very helpful to people who have passed trauma and helps them heal and that's amazing but why are so many dads and horror films so evil the demons and ghosts just ignore people who get hugs from their dad and have a great family that means you do not hear things they're not there you do not see things that are not there you're not your khakis you're the all singing all dancing crap of the world kids are watching davey and goliath on tv subtlest my name is not the black phone where's robin walking the warehouse district why would the grabber be back here also creepy mass guy gets out of a black van and this kid just keeps walking like he doesn't even flinch and i know they went out of their way to show he was a badass but i think even bruce lee would hesitate a bit seeing this kind of person suddenly step out of a van this feels like they planned this meeting on craigslist so he could sell the grabber his eight-track collection if you could help me have a dream or two and just see something that could help the police or me or anyone find him i would follow you forever bargaining with jesus i saw a lot of fights in school when i was growing up i saw a lot of volatile and unpredictable behavior i never saw someone win a fight and then kick his opponent's sister in the head in front of a bunch of witnesses so again i say should we not confront the horror genre's obsession with putting fictional kids through this kind of over-the-top torture i get that horror helps people work through their trauma of a god damn gwenny in this movie has been beaten by her own father and now kicked in the head by the older bullies who hate her brother and this is up this is the kid that will go on to be abducted and these kicks definitely resulted in a burst spleen an impacted colon or a dislodged liver you cannot kick a person in the stomach 18 times without impacting their internal organs the cut to a frog dissection scene is more than heavy-handed it's masturbatory everybody's talking about it finding out the entire school is talking about your humiliation and yes this is me the narrator speaking from historical experience after five kidnappings in this one area i'm not really understanding why any kid is allowed to walk anywhere alone i guess the biggest sin of this movie is the grabber doing these abductions in broad daylight in populist neighborhoods while driving a recognizable vehicle and showing his face but also the second biggest sin is finney being naive and trusting enough to fall for this after the first 25 minutes of the movie showed us that finney was an exceptionally smart kid but i'm not gonna hurt you anymore unbelievable promises it takes 30 minutes for the black phone to black phone so here the caption writer just what decided on their own that behind this non-moving mask the grabber must have been smirking what the is going on here deaf people want to know he obviously could be smirking right now and maybe that's in the script for some reason even though he's masked but even the non-deaf viewer does not know what facial expression he's making under the mask so this is the weird case of giving too much information in the captions with the door shut no one can hear anything down here i sound proofed it myself but for some reason just left a phone down here even if it's not connected why leave it makes no sense you're just asking for dead children to start helping out your present victims when you overlook things like this you're the one who killed the others bruce robin that phone [Music] being bad at jumping hello no one answers finney here even though the ghost kids have no issue talking to him after this so why did they not answer on this phone call did they think we needed a phone call before the grabber gives the bull static energy reasoning to make us question whether or not these are ghosts using the phone because we know there's going to be ghosts using the phone came to a goddamn ghost movie called the black phone we know the phone factors into this we don't need an early phone tease to get us interested in here because we're already interested if you weren't going to feed me why'd you even come down here sister look at you okay fine movie can take its sent off for ethan hawk's performance and get on with it what is it with all these stages of the phone calls first we had the none of the ghosts say phone call now we have the phone call where one of the ghost kids chooses to scare the out of finney with a creepy voice instead of trying to keep him on the phone then how about you start with something other than a gallon impression of the kid's name like you did on the last phone call ghost kids who is this i don't remember my name but you remember finney's not to mention you're about to repeat dialogue from the beginning of the film so why do you keep that memory but lose the memory of who you are when you become a ghost your arm is a mint you almost had me third or fourth time the caller said these lines and it's starting to feel like patting the runtime there's a dirt section of the floor in the hallway where the tile is loose sweet why did you waste so much time repeating a real-life dialogue exchange before mentioning this no one will be seated while we watch all of bruce's childhood she's dreaming about her brother having been kidnapped so she goes bike riding at night this is not a smart decision mr grabber please don't pay attention to this random rug i put down here i just thought the place could use some sparkling up hello [Applause] don't go upstairs why not it's a trap and thankfully you were distracted by the ringing of the phone and chose to pick it up instead of continuing to open the door sure bruce could have explained this crap business to you when he called earlier but we're trying to set a mood finney who are you i don't remember but you remembered enough to know you weren't bruce when finney asked also i meant to tell you if he tries to give you eggs do not eat them i tore a long cable loose from down there i kept it hidden what am i supposed [Applause] instead of telling you exactly where the wire is while i'm on the phone with you i'll perform this bottle trick and hopefully you will follow along what is he even trying to do here throw the cable through one of the openings in the bars and then wait for the cable to come to life and slither back down to him like a snake i mean this plant in the end doesn't work but he's able to get the wire to go straight up the rug and out the other end and that is some bullsh also why did the grabber leave all these rugs down here in the first place that makes about as much sense as leaving the phone on the wall instead of running the cable through this roll of carpet why didn't he put all the rolls of carpet here and just climb up i loved mom i loved it too i mean i loved her the way she was this movie doesn't get everything right but it deals with grief and parenting in an interesting and more complicated way than most horror movies or movies in general would dare to touch the scene is a great example of that the fact that terence is believing in gwen and taking her out to look for finney based on what she saw in her dreams is great the fact that he's most likely driving around very drunk right now is not as great [Music] we find out later that gweney's search and the ensuing shot of the police knocking on the correct door have no connection but the way it's cut together sure seems to imply that the police knocked on a door because a little girl had a vision listen he has to be able to grab these kids and get them back to his place very quickly true crime addicts however they got there the police showed up at the actual house where finney is being held and there's a totally not the grabber person living there but the sin is that the cop noticed the cocaine but helped dude cover it up instead of using it as an excuse to search the house further which would lead to the discovery of the finney basement maybe finney has a way to know when the grabber is at home and might come down not sure how but even if he does why would he risk leaving this hole exposed where he couldn't get to it in time to cover up if the door opened till i'm on for what it's worth if i'm funny i'm still eating those floor eggs later after the grabber leaves hello bruce billy paperboy now that they've established the communication with finney they're still doing these hang up calls what the is up with these ghost kids how has max never walked in on his sometimes topless brothers sitting in the kitchen wearing a mask and holding a belt considering how cautious the grabber is being with bringing food and whatnot this setup while super creepy and memorable as a scene from a horror film seems extremely risky doesn't make a lot of sense the grabber momentarily falls asleep waiting for finney to walk upstairs and is he a if he's not playing your game right then wait an hour or so and then go back down and lock the basement door and go to bed also ever since finney just lodged the bars from the window we've never seen that addressed not by the grabber not by finning we haven't even been shown that window again since to find out if the bars were put back it's almost like some footage was shot but edited out that might have explained this mystery cleaning up after your kidnapper why didn't the grabber go through finney's pockets to find and confiscate any stabby things such as this rocket that already cut grabber's hand and apparently doubles as a flashlight so now in addition to getting phone calls from dead kids finney is now seeing dead kids here in this basement maybe i shouldn't be asking i mean i'm sure they're gonna explain all this eventually it's a little hazy but i imagine you know all our names are you guys connected in the afterlife are you all together in the grabbers victims village oh and also what the f vinny leaves his rocket ship flashlight on long after he's done using it draining its batteries of power i assume will end up being crucial down the road you spent so many years invisible and then every kid the state knows your name how the can you square this comment with the fact that you just said you didn't know your own name like all the other ghost callers didn't know their names you spent so many years invisible and that every kid in the state knows your name is an excellent line that just doesn't make much sense here how is it even possible to lament everyone knowing your name when you don't even know your own name to watch us go there's a combination lock on the inside of the storm door jesus tap dancing christ on a phone call ex-marketer two three three one seven if you say so what is it 23 31 7 or 23 317 or 233 17. why did the kid write the combination down like this so it would be confusing also why did the grabber continue to use the paper boy's lock for the other boys the paper boy was the only one who truly had a fighting chance of getting out unheard two things the grabber's unique ability to sleep in this mask but also his ability to hold on to the weapon in his right hand despite being asleep also both this movie's protagonist and antagonist have been shown to be able to sleep through the night without losing grip of a thing they are holding what does it mean but also grabber has an entire ass brother that lives here who is obsessed with the grabber and i guess he's the soundest sleeper ever grabby can just sleep here in the kitchen with the mask on and the basement door open a dog that has been trained to bark at the sound of a combination lock opening but not at someone walking past the door finney running at full speed somehow only gets a block or so away from the house and the time it takes the grabber to get to his van start it up and pull out of the driveway i'm not sure if i'm sending the illogical time frame or that finney is way too slow for a kid his age you say one word and i will gut you like a pig right here in the street and strangle you with your own intestines but after you cut out my guts won't i already be dead thereby making the intestine strangling a redundant act nighty night naughty boy i'm calling bullsh on knowing ahead of time that your punch will knock someone out sure some punches do knock people out but no one knows ahead of time that this will occur there's an alternate version of this movie where he says 99 naughty boy and then his punch does not knock the kid out so he has to say 99 naughty boy again and punch him again what was all that noise i heard samson was barking at something it's nothing go back to bad max this works jesus [Laughter] i ask you for help when you give me these clues that don't mean anything this movie is dangerously close to plagiarizing my own upbringing pinball not that it's not awesome the sin is because it's magic the defecator i don't know much about north denver gas stations in 1978 but i'm gonna guess most didn't carry this many back issues of star log at this point we see the bully kids perspective of the conversation he just had with finney but he's dead so this is just a vision guinea is having about him showing her the house so my question is did her vision impact the call finney had with the ghost or did the conversation with the ghost somehow become part of her vision also whoever or whatever is controlling these phone calls and visions is really benevolent like so benevolent is to be kind of cheating never mind i just remember they're going to explain all this before the movie's over have you tried stacking the carpets to reach the window stop stealing my lines ghost what did you do interrupting a ghost that's odd i don't remember the realtor ever saying anything about ghost scream earthquakes i don't think the freezer door is likely to be open from the inside regardless but why didn't he bash at it with the lid from the toilet tank he used to break through the wall instead of immediately going shoulder hey finn what's happening and somehow robin still knows who he is but all the other ghosts did not today is the day you stop taking from anybody man this pep talk is awesome why didn't he call away before now he even said he's been here the whole time what weapon the one in your hand this is information that would have been helpful to him yesterday i'm sure it's going to be the right move and end up working but why is robin teaching finney to lunge forward and then back before attacking did he try this himself and it came close to working does he have intel suggesting the grabber is susceptible to faints and jukes by little boys also why not tell him to tie the cord around the receiver and swing that dirt filled around like a meteor hammer this was the last call finn saw you from here on out and we all got to talk to you individually to give you one vital piece of information each to help you survive because that's how being a ghost works please dear jesus please please still alive but i'm barely breathing just praying to a god that i don't believe in hello officer stupid this is the little sister of one of the kids the grabber took and i just had a dream about what house he is in and we have to act now because the same dream also said this was his last day alive detective right please movie then cuts away before we get to hear the police laughing on the other end of the phone after she tells her story oh max has just figured everything out hey you know what might have been cool us spending more time with max than just one scene with the cops where the movie made him look crazy kind of evidence is he collecting is he going out and investigating on his own this moment might have a bit more weight if he was a bigger presence in the film holy sh stop the goddamn ride i want to get off and rant these cops are not only believing a nine-year-old girl who says she had a vision about where the grabber's house is they are racing to follow that lead down and this is just not how police work works try this send your elementary school age child to the local pd and have her tell them that she's had a vision there were murder victims buried in your least favorite neighbor's backyard report back to me when the cops are actively digging up their yard based on that intel [Music] [Applause] no keep that it's stubby hey you under the story about how i found you man max thinks they have time for this max is this the house yes are you sure is this actually happening look what you made me do oh my god grabber is a swifty open up please we have no legal cause to be here i honestly think the real horror in this movie is the complete and utter lack of protocol and ethics employed by these police holy christ so ultimately robin's lunge step back and then attack move ends up working multiple times in this climax it's like defeating glass joe and punch out why is he freaking out when the top part of his mask is taken off finney had already seen the top part of his face earlier it's the missing kids this is where he buries them no it's mounds of dirt do some police work for a change ask when he sees finney this music is good and reminds me of time from inception and i can't play this music or time from inception but i can sing time from inception [Music] i'm so sorry wow the kidnapping ordeal cured his alcoholism and that cured his abusiveness hi finney i'll be finn now that i've killed a man and eating dirty floor eggs it's time to shed those childhood nicknames hi this is nikki leave a message i just got out of a six-year relationship okay that should help explain why thanks again to better help for sponsoring this video no matter what kind of day week month or even year you're having better health can well help once you get started you can send messages to your therapist anytime check out information that's relevant to your needs and book your next appointment all on the same page does it get any better than that if you're feeling like you need to speak to someone or you just need a mental health check-in betterhelp is an amazing online resource that allows you to do just that and you don't even have to leave the house to do it takes about as much effort as watching a youtube video to start your connection to better help and hey we can all watch youtube right i mean you're all the way at the end of this video you get bonus points better help is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches so they make it easy and free to change therapists if needed head to betterhelp.com cinemasims to answer a few questions and get paired up with a therapist within 48 hours get a whole 10 off your first month by clicking that link join over 2 million people taking charge of their mental health again that's better help help cinemasins [Applause] jesus i know you know what i'm going to ask why are you whispering they can't hear you hello do you want to die tonight cece dug me a hole don't go upstairs why not it's a trap hello i don't know who you are i don't know what you want two three seven [Laughter] [Music] cocaine is a hell of a drug

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 775,024

Keywords: wave jockey job, cinemasins, cinema sins, everything wrong with, eww, movie, review, movie review, horror, ethan hawke, The Black Phone, The Black Phone react, parody, horror movie, horror film

Id: 5e8dymbKKhQ

Length: 19min 53sec (1193 seconds)

Published: Tue Oct 25 2022