Everything Wrong With Halloween (2018) In 18 Minutes Or Less

fifty-five seconds of logos also Comcast and Miramax Wow they didn't give Aaron quarry and Apple that scarf might as well be one because it makes them look straight up like an [ __ ] for years he's been kept here to be studied I suppose the state has lost interest in discovering anything further I get this supposed to be a direct sequel to the original 1978 film but Michael Myers disappeared at the end of that film after dr. Loomis died so how did Michael get back to the hospital and yeah yeah they try to retcon it a bit with the Hawkins character but few movie and you better believe this will not be the only time I bring up why this being a direct sequel to the original doesn't work at all oh no mistake he's aware it was watching this right how may be one thing they discovered about Michael Myers was that he literally has eyes in the back of his head or eyes connected to the security cameras when they drove up I like to serve only here is that fixation for such things underestimate no one but feel free to walk amongst them they usually just ignore him I've been following your case for years and still know very little about you probably because all he did was kill his sister and then years later showed back up and killed a trucker a couple of teenage girls and some horny dude named Bob who may or may not have been a pedophile I mean his murder sprees story wouldn't even get a whiff from my favorite murder so why is this podcast bothering with it now if you had nine more movies worth of murders you feel it don't you Michael you fail the mosque no no he sees it remember also we're really gonna say michael has this big connection to a mask he stole from a hardware store back in 1978 besides we know this boat wouldn't be in this good of condition after all these years anyway also also man I would give everything back if they had a scene showing the podcasters opening up a 1978 Captain Kirk mask and painting it to turn it into this also times three this might make for great television but it would make very terrible in podcast you just hear some guy saying both like this and he could be in his mom's basement reciting this as far as you know Oh basically that was seven minutes of nothing happening all before the main title screen nobody dies because of this guy taunting Michael with his old mask and oh sure we now know he's connected to it and that will come up later when he escapes but that's all a nostalgia ball I just can't take this seriously also out of 11 films we have three named simply Halloween the seems well seems stupid should have just bit the bullet and called it Halloween h 4o because it's one Josh Hartnett and a girl from the creek away from being just that could it be that one monster has created another dude can't you wait to record this when you're not driving don't zoom and drive man besides okay your partner do the driving while you do this how does three thousand dollars sound whoa whoa whoa why start at three thousand dollars why not try like a thousand first and see if that does the trick movie doesn't know how to lowball I lost project shed new light on a murder case from 20 years ago well actually it raised more questions than it answered and people still think Adnan did it I believe in Michael Maya's deranged serial killer the boogeyman he's not a serial killer right especially if we're let's all say it together now making this a direct sequel to the original film maybe a spree killer or simply a mass murderer not a serial killer since he killed just about everyone in the same goddamn place and with one exception on the same goddamn day two failed marriages rookie relationship with your daughter and granddaughter this is how you get a story bringing up failed marriages and bad relationships Michael Myers murdered five people no come on we're not even gonna acknowledge all those debts he was responsible for in Halloween 3 season of the witch I have a photographic memory be locked away until the end of his days that's the idea he already was though he's perfectly fine it hadn't feel the hospital with a 40 year containment streak should not be messed with he showed him the mosque there was nothing no response nothing with the exception of a random gust of wind a bunch of other inmates cackling at a dog barking but yeah nothing out of the ordinary oh man I got peanut butter on my penis well that's why you don't pull you out while I'm making a sandwich at least not that kind of sandwich hey stop I gotta clean this peanut butter off my hands you clearly said penis earlier and now I'm wondering if you just did that for the shock value in front of your daughter wasn't it her brother like cold-blooded murder late Myrtle ate it no that's just a bit that some people made up doing him feel better I think why would Michael being Laurie's brother make people feel better all the reasons people would make up about a story why would making them feel better be the first thing you think of this is the I did it to protect you of urban legend coping fate took a different course fate took a different course more like fate took the same course that the original Halloween and Halloween h2o did thanks dry movie your rhyming couplets that's not Sam Loomis that's 100% Ernst Stavro Blofeld completely different characters with no connection whatsoever don't even look it up looks like Jamie Lee Curtis went to the denzel washington school of drinking inside a parked car for actors portraying alcoholism and took advanced placement courses I guess it's a heavy knife er Haddonfield hospital transfers huh weird they decided that Michael Myers and a whole bunch of his fellow patients needed to get moved on the same night my patient until these in somebody else's care I've seen my duty to tell you yeah but you could drive yourself and not riding a bus a convicted mentally ill patients which they would never let you do anyways going as Bonnie skip Judy Greer looks as irritated as I am that she's being wasted and yet another terrible movie I'm glad you got to see that I never told you how I spent my childhood but I will conveniently right now before Michael Myers comes back to terrorize the family after being dormant for 40 years also Halloween movie steals the John Connor backstory from Terminator 2 Robbie you stay here I'm gonna make sure no one's heart you call the police or how about you call the police and protect your son from what appears to be a bunch of lunatics walking in the middle of the road or just be a parent that seems to be a pretty common occurrence in Haddonfield dude do you really think I go around taking advice from people with bloody faces Michael couldn't just steal the truck while the kid was outside he had to make sure that the kid died I guess this Halloween evil isn't practical also a movie takes 31 minutes to Halloween escape how Solan plays the pronoun games so that Officer Hawkins has to ask who the hell he is I mean I get that they didn't think the bus was going to crash and Myers would escape but how about you know tempt fate by transferring the night before Halloween as she sat combing her hair and a why why are they taking these audio notes here at the graveyard they know this story by memory they're filming anything here saying anything specific about the cemetery if you really wanted to get the feel of things and translate that to your podcast listeners you do this at the old Myers house but it could be done at the studio hey good thing the people with Michaels mascar just hanging out of his sister's gravesite right as he's paying a visit he continued stabbing and as we sit before and Wilson again he curiously looked up at the knife instead of the person he was stabbing Oh still checking IDs or the pieces we were coming to figure out who's who holy Omar J Dorsey is clearly wandering off the set of another movie and I'm pretty sure it's one I'd rather be watching but hey what if we gon do Halloween in the first Halloween which is the only movie this one counts the story is mental patient escapes comes back to his hometown and kills babysitters and the boyfriends on Halloween night which was the anniversary of the night he killed his sister that's all you need to cancel Halloween man you could lose the snark as well Keith's confetti competed let's face it the only reason the podcasters existed in this movie was for exposition and to be murder fodder for Michael Myers so he could get his mask back did Laurie take trap-door building lessons from Ken Adam also good to know that when she really needs this shelter it'll only take five hours for this kitchen island to rotate out of the way you have no security system Karen sure Laurie broke into their house to prove a point I just don't know why she didn't just make a phone call and explain that Michael is on the loose first and I'm not sure why she thought this would win Karen over to the bus crash what yeah exactly what the bus crashed is as useful as the new pitbull album is out there's nothing you can do with that information I mean I get not every town has a Michael Myers but the dark and evil place is pretty accurate and also this town does actually have a Michael Myers so listen to your mom maybe Jesus Christ how did Laurie get here so fast true we don't know how much time has passed but it feels like Laurie's operating into every scene we saw her at her house playing with a trapdoor and she broke into her daughter's house and now she's here all on a span of three minutes of movie time hey man you were just at a gas station in an auto mechanic shop you couldn't have picked up a weapon there or do you have rules about carrying weapons with you too you're killing sight just think if this toolshed isn't left comically open during Halloween then what you're not gonna believe it they're in my pocket all time day meaning your stethoscope you went back in to get a stethoscope and they were in your pocket the whole time I am NOT for one minute going to believe that a woman that is this into Halloween isn't dressed up and doesn't have any decorations inside the place she just carved 67 pumpkins and put them on the front porch but otherwise she's not obsessed or anything also while it's disturbing that Michael is killing a bunch of randos in this neighborhood it's done with the least amount of suspense possible it's a fun one shot and everything but in the original Halloween Michael seemed almost curious about who he was killing creeping around in the shadows and the edges of the frame his presence always felt even when he wasn't there this is just murder porn I'm so glad this movie that's supposed to be all about an older woman dealing with a traumatic past and conquer and her fears found a way to have a wasted section with a bunch of teenagers doing dunk teenager he used to be my favorite but now you're like my 10th favorite boy that I Danny and I babysit some kids okay wow there's not enough of these two together it doesn't change the fact that they're awesome and a welcome distraction I'm feeling generous enough to knock off a sin for Vicky and Julia she came up to me and like whispered in my ear okay you don't have to cry about it why is this scene tonight it's the night well remember for the rest of our lives you are so getting drunk tonight so this movie is not only wasting Judy Greer but apparently Virginia Gardner as well I mean Jesus there are some good actors in this movie which somehow makes it worse you check behind the curtain I checked the whole place this kid knows that's a lie because he watched her the whole time and the curtains were in be up the rest of the time she spent pulling the prank oh no the closet door won't close that's a closets main function it's right there right in the word anyway I'm sending this because does anybody remember what Hitchcock's it about suspense something to the effect of if you're having a conversation that bomb blows up that's a surprise but if the audience knows there's a bomb while they're having a conversation that suspense somehow this scene invokes neither surprised nor suspense so let's go back to the scene for a second Dave starts up the motorbike creating a loud noise which would make anyone who's ever seen a horror movie realize when vicky calls for Dave he won't hear her however he's already tipped the bike over and can hear her perfectly fine so why did the movie even bother with that if the noise wasn't ever going to be a factor it would have been classic horror movie trope nonsense but god damn it it's our kind of horror movie trope nonsense movie wants us to believe that Michael recognizes Laurie a random babysitter he stalked one night 14 years ago Halloween purists can call the plot twist dumb all they want but do you know the only way the scene works he's her brother and Halloween too actually thing happened Michael did you not see him go down the stairs you're just gonna fire shots from this room at this angle also why is he still here he went through all this trouble to stage the bodies and then just camped out at the house there's nothing inherently special about the people he just killed other than their secondary characters in this movie there are no more special than the two women he killed before this this is really one of those the movie needed it so this happened moments I'm Michael's doctor I'm nurse at a new illness I love how this movie just throws Sam Loomis his name around like everyone knows who that is like there are people out there that would use that name for a twitter handle or something did you know our friend Hawkins here was the first responding W to and Michael was apprehended in 1978 I mean she was literally there that night so most likely do you know that I pray every night that he would escape that sounds insane sounds like you have a reason for that why would you just stop before giving the reason you see this is what has intrigued me through my studies how does it crime like Michaels affect him that is really interesting this character didn't need to happen also you know if it got rid of all those teenage drama nonsense that even the CW wouldn't touch it would almost be a mediocre film just want to point out the Vicki and Dave had to die before the squad I'm a doctor volcanoes make about as much sense as me saying I'm a dick on YouTube make sure you eat a sandwich alright pick your poison I like a revolver in a jam that's 100% not true the cylinder gaps can get blocked and prevent the cylinder from rotating and or the axle can begin to understand aim a couple things this is tactical he waited for this night he's waited for me interesting so what was all that other killing that had nothing to do with you at all about that here we go brace yourselves I'm just about to run this mother down with these two civilians in the car because what are we gonna do cancel Halloween ha ha ha buddy stand back I'm not gonna say it again step away from the suspect man just the stupid twist so hard and yet again we're killing off the most interesting characters in the movie also this twist is way more interesting if we get to know his character better if he had truly been the new Loomis he could have been pretending to help everybody like Loomis did only to spring a trap on them in the end Laurie would have been smart enough to figure it out because she's been training for this night for 40 years but this comes sort of out of nowhere because he spent most of the movies time recovering from a gunshot wound that he's the secondary antagonist kind of makes me shrug as the multiple edits with dark photography and close-ups suggests the doctor who is currently wearing the mask just lifted Michael into the backseat of this truck and knowing how big Michael is I'm going to go ahead and say I don't believe he has the strength to do that now a bond me sandwich bond me is essentially just the Vietnamese version of a French baguette mm-hmm and the term actually refers to the bread and not so much the contents therein this is some very nice Tarantino s dialogue and Halloween movie I'm gonna go ahead and say movie s time for this mainly because it's one of the only instances where they try to fit this kind of dialogue into the movie running running excitement okay supposedly Michael drives a cop car to Laurie's place and in the time it takes ray to walk outside he manages to get out of the car without being seen and staged a murder scene where he's turned one of the cops heads into a jack-o'-lantern and I'm saying that the speed at which he did this plus the know-how is more terrifying than the act itself do you know how long it takes to hollow out a human head for this purpose like a super long time I could barely get through half of the job I mean I've never done anything like that before in my life so what do I know also how did Michael drive in here without going to the gate first the podcasters came here and had to talk to Laurie through an intercom before being allowed access and I feel like Laurie's the type of person who would have an alarm set if the fence was breached she's also the type that would see a cop car and still ask the driver questions before allowing them in how this movie seems to forget the podcasters were here and that we saw a giant cage door in front of the main door we should be seeing some part of that cage coming through the glass at the very least how did he punch through that and the glass if he's that strong he should have just battle round the door down also unless Michael can contort his body to be as thin as the middle section of that door there is no way lower couldn't see he was there when she looked out the window also also the his lorry just standing in front of the door for she has trained for this and I am certain staying away from doors and windows as part of that Wow lorry looks remarkably unharmed and without concussions after taking several severe blows to the head last-minute parenting yep it's your grandmother shooting range it's not all that scary maybe just to you but the audience saw this in the daylight and it simply does not matter no way after lorry shot Michaels fingers off she went down into the shelter and turned on all the lights outside camera was very particular about showing Ray's body there not long after we saw Michael Sands two fingers and a thumb standing in the kitchen with no body and sight Laurie tried shooting at him throw him down to the basement and then immediately walk upstairs to confront him he did not have the means or time or even two hands to be able to pick up ray and display him in an upstairs closet without being seen or I don't understand at this point why Laurie doesn't just turn on a light in fact while it made sense at first to turn off all the lights before he got here I no wonder what the wisdom was of that considering that he's a pure evil entity where lights or lack thereof shouldn't even be an issue for him I'm not saying a woman in her late 50s fighting a man in his early 60s can't be exciting but I'm saying the scene of a woman in her late 50s fighting a man in his early 60s is not exciting see this it's cool because she was looking down on him in the first Halloween except it actually wasn't her it was Loomis but he's dead so now I have to do the reversal with her and I need to change my shorts so now I'm wondering how Michael got back down here after Laurie went upstairs and methodically locked down everywhere she went so that he couldn't follow her and yes maybe he just figured out how to work those security doors but we never heard the door go back up and those suckers are loud maybe it's one of the [ __ ] nitpicks that I have ever needed but I feel it's important to point out for some reason because I'm being a super dick okay not okay why are you saying anything I'm sorry can't do it gotta say that was cool I mean probably do a little too late for have a sit back Michael Laurie this is bad form you know goddamn well this knife isn't going to work there besides probably November first and not even Halloween anymore and I can't let that slide Allison has a knife here but six seconds later she's looking for the knife which is way over here it's a trap yeah sounds like this was the plan all find a way to push Michael down into a basement where there are no exits other than than the entrance and somehow get past him subdue him and trap him this is a terrible plan all that time you spent making this when you could have just lured him down here more conventional in created better exits to get out and trap him and not scheming something we're almost dying is part of the plan I guess you've practiced this enough to know that the house won't explode while you sit there staring at Michael and get in your three-generation group hug how many houses have you blown up at the end of this movie Laurie and her family are in some dudes truck going to get help but didn't Laurie have her own car or did she decide if I'm ever in a situation where I can take down Michael my car needs to blow up with the house too a message from the cinemasins universe hey did you know that we here at cinemasins have a podcast I did not know that it's true it's called sim cast and we've been doing it since all the way back in 2015 seriously how long have I been asleep but since you're currently on YouTube you may prefer to listen to stuff here right god damn right for that reason we're debuting the official sin cast YouTube channel you'll be able to listen to sober movie analysis this movie does have so many good moments that I do think ultimately it'll be easy for most people to overlook but the stuff that doesn't work quite as well in depth dives into a variety of cinematic topics know this movie is absurd it's my type of absurd them em interviews with amazing guests something in me said just shut up and just Lansbury said oh I couldn't as she sang the first couple of lines cappella and the place went wild and much much more yeah it wasn't until I've watched you in bed at the hospital we'll be adding new episodes weekly and we'll be uploading our backlog of episodes that have been previously published so subscribe today and we hope you enjoy listening as much as we love talking here's Johnny [Music] back in your houses now [Music]

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 1,675,068

Keywords: review, horror, everything wrong with halloween, cinemasins halloween 2018, halloween, eww halloween, everything wrong with halloween 2018, movies, halloween 2018, horror movie, eww, halloween review, jamie lee curtis, horror movie review, wave jockey job, cinema sins, movie review, michael myers, halloween 2018 review, eww halloween 2018, cinemasins, halloween michael myers, everything wrong with

Id: GJwobIXlpHM

Length: 19min 35sec (1175 seconds)

Published: Thu May 07 2020