Eternals - Cosmonaut Quickie

so marvel's the eternals is out and i did not like it at all now a lot of people are saying this is the first bad mcu movie and i don't really know about all that for one we have had bad mcu movies before and secondly i don't think this is even the worst one and a lot of people have told me oh eternals isn't that bad you're just being dramatic but honestly this is just the kind of movie that i really don't enjoy i really don't have any desire to watch this movie again and as i think on it i like it less and less i'm trying to refrain from calling movies boring because i think boring can be a good thing sometimes so i'll just say that this movie is dull this movie feels like it's three hours long and its biggest flaw is that it's trying to be too many things at once now i actually am a fan of the original eternal series it's a very short but effective story that kind of explores the role of heroes and mythology in our society but i gotta say when i read it i did not think to myself boy i can't wait for these guys to get their own mcu movie but i think the major disconnect here is that this movie's trying to be an epic about family and love but the characters kind of lack the emotion and depth necessary to tell a story like that there are way way too many characters in this movie and most of them do not need to be in this story if you cut about half of them out of this story it would actually be much better makari and druid aren't really in the movie most of the time and they don't do that much in the grand scheme of things angelina jolie is just here to have some weird space madness subplot that doesn't go anywhere kingo is only here to tell jokes and make sure the audience doesn't get bored and he leaves the story before the final act even begins just to prove to you that he didn't matter at all there are a lot of important quote-unquote characters in this movie and i can't really say any of them had a satisfying story arc or journey the characters that do have a stake in the plot are also very badly written these do not feel like beings that have existed for thousands of years they don't really feel like a family either but the movie keeps saying that they are and i hate so much when a script does that oh we're family i love you because we're family how about you show me okay instead of just telling me over and over again these characters feel like co-workers not members of an immortal family of demigods and i'm sorry but i really struggle to accept the fact that these people who are like 9 000 years old change their minds more often than i change my underwear their motivations flip within minutes their goals are flimsy and sometimes they really don't even make a lot of sense fastos doesn't want to help the group save the world when they meet up with him his choices are to save the earth or just sit by and let it be disintegrated he claims that he won't help because he has to take care of his human son and human husband newsflash pal they live on the earth this movie also tries to tell a love story but it forgets to establish why characters fall in love with each other and it's not like this relationship is really important or anything it's not like marvel was marketing that this movie has the first ever mcu sex scene you guys did all that but you forgot to give the characters any reason to like each other their on-screen chemistry is non-existent two of our characters betray the group late into the story and one of them only does it because she has a crush on the other betrayer she's a loyal member of the group until the last minute when she decides to destroy the planet and again this betrayal doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things when there's virtually no difference between a character betraying everybody and a character just leaving the story then that means that there's something wrong with the story you're telling hell there are two main villains in this movie and one of them doesn't have a name and is established at the very end of the story and he's thrown in so awkwardly that he doesn't even have a place in the final battle he just shows up late and starts fighting the eternals and the other bad guy i have no [ __ ] idea why he was in this movie the eternals say that they couldn't help stop thanos and that's fine i actually accept that except later on in the movie they established that thanos actually was a direct threat to the celestials which means the eternals should have been allowed to interfere and to be fair their rule of not interfering is kinda flimsy in this it feels like the characters in this movie are constantly trying to justify genocide not even just the genocide that thanos pulls off the main moral quandary of the film is should we let billions of people die just because our boss told us to we as audience members are never going to side with the characters that want to destroy the earth and kingo makes it sound like it's just a philosophical difference he leaves the story because he claims his beliefs are different i'm not joking and there isn't even any reason for kingo to be okay with the planet being destroyed he's the one eternal that's profited the most off of the earth and its inhabitants he's the eternal that is the most deeply integrated into human society but he doesn't care about the fate of the planet but cersei cares about the fate of the planet because i don't know she likes instagram that's all i know about her she has no other defining character traits even though she's the main character i cannot tell you a strong solid character trait for cersei the eternal there's a lot of moments where the writers backed themselves into a corner and made the story just make less sense it becomes pretty difficult to enjoy what's happening unless you're perfectly fine with completely turning your brain off and looking at the pretty cgi and i will say the cgi does look good the presentation is fine some of the shots are really cool the performances are also not that bad angelina jolie didn't need to be in the movie at all but her performance is convincing the characters that get more than four lines are presented quite well but again we did not need this many characters so it's kind of hard to excuse it this movie just bit off way more than it could chew and this video has mostly just been me ranting about [ __ ] that i don't like because it was very hard for me to look past the flaws of this film and that's a shame because there are some very cool ideas here over an hour in the movie actually starts moving and yeah that's a long ass time but eventually i was slightly interested in the story and this movie does have the potential to dig into some very interesting themes exploring the morality of beings beyond our comprehension is a very promising concept but this movie simply does not know what it wants to be it wants to be an artsy introspective epic it also wants to be a love story it also wants to throw in dumb goofy jokes and references and it also wants to be a [ __ ] cgi superhero action slap fest and it's not good enough at any one of these things for me to consider it a good movie the action's not very interesting it's just the characters fighting cgi lizard monsters the characters have weak traits and lack personality and the story is not paced well at all because it's not sure what it's supposed to focus on and a lot of people are saying when you shouldn't be mad at this movie for being different and i think that's just a very small way to look at things something being different doesn't automatically make it good if i'm sick of eating chicken for dinner every day and you bring me a pile of [ __ ] to eat instead i'm not gonna chow down just because it's different contrary to what some people believe i did not go into this movie wanting to hate it in case some of you didn't notice i actually do like the mcu and i do excuse a lot of their flaws that doesn't stop the fact that this is just the kind of movie i really don't enjoy and yeah if you had a gun to my head and ask me which movie's better this or venom 2 i guess i'd say this is technically better but the difference is i thought venom 2 was hilariously bad and i enjoyed it for that reason in contrast this movie is just long and unengaging and i do think it's possible to enjoy this movie because like i said there are some interesting ideas put forth here but overall it was not really for me and i'm not surprised that a lot of people feel the same way so i'm gonna go ahead and give eternals a four out of ten or three i can't really decide we'll make it a four for now whatever i don't care [Music] you

Channel: The Cosmonaut Variety Hour

Views: 915,347

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Id: 7TQtpk468uY

Length: 8min 42sec (522 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 08 2021