Ep 52- Pick it up! | Robert Kelly & Paul Virzi

it's bothering you I can't help it I'm going to bring something up right now do you understand what we're doing with this show what what we talk about all the [ __ ] that pisses us off we are fixing the world one bone at a time everybody out there got a bone to pick and this is a bone to pick podcast you got bones cheap paper towel dispensers we got bones cops on school I got a bone to pick with you I have a bone to PI what's up everybody I'm Paul ver and I'm Robert Kelly and this is a bone to pick podcast we're back for another episode make sure you are watching this on you wow holy [ __ ] was that for real I mean what guys make sure you're watching us on YouTube and you hit the Subscribe button I don't know what just happened are you okay are you good dude give water dude have water try not what oh no oh oh my God guys thank you you guys so much for watching the show rating the show we have a five star rating we have amazing comments which we're going to read on the what are you okay yeah I'm trying GNA go away I'm trying is it g to happen the whole time okay just do the yoube you know what you have to do I think you got to drink for 10 seconds and hold your breath I'm I got it guys go to our YouTube channel and hit the Subscribe button please leave please leave comments it brings the show rate and review the show it brings it to the top of the list okay thank you guys so much and YouTube yeah I did the YouTube and uh we want to thank huh I'm sorry okay and if you have not yet please subscribe to our patreon guys we have a patreon Channel all you got to do is go to patreon.com bonick cast it's not that much and you will get extra content like Bobby throwing up during a show which I think is going to happen in the next couple of minutes I got to dump are you okay I'm not going to Dum why you call it dump is this the thing down good yeah we're good oh we're great all right here we go right you want to plug the our live show yeah go ahead no you can you do all right uh we're going to be at the red clay Comedy Festival in Atlanta on April May 11th yes May 11th at the Earl at the Earl Earl at the Earl at at at 8:00 we're going to be giving out we're going to be selling merch stickers stickers no buttons I hate you I hate I hate you you started to say St and I went with stickers anyway we're GNA have merch we're gonna have stuff we're gonna be doing meet and greet we're gonna have a live bone to pick it's going to be awesome so make sure you bring your bones don't show up when we go who's got bones uh yeah write them down put them in your phone have them ready to go we're going to have a microphone you're going to step up you're going to give you bones Mikey's going to be walking around the audience guys so like Bobby said be ready we should just have a stand yeah and and none of the don't have great idea good just have a stand you walk right up we'll have it on camera you'll be on the show'll be like got talk in front of a board you know what I mean town hall meeting yeah town hall meeting is that the same thing you said board yeah same thing right a board meeting a board board a board of what so you got to walk up like you're like almost in like a courtroom yeah you got to walk up like you're antifa and Ben Shapiro's giving us a speech and you won't be bored b r it's going to be a good time no it's going to be a great time thank you oh dude what the [ __ ] what what's that who has that on no that was my from my what you [ __ ] Teddy that was from my hoodie oh you got another one do this all the time all right Sor look you got some right here no no not that big now you did that just oh there was something the chimpanzee cast hey would you shave your back okay get no respect sorry I [ __ ] it that's the one guy I wish I met in this business was Rodney Rodney oh my God I met him nobody is funnier I spent the night with him what I'm kidding was oh did you ever meet him though no oh I I Don Rickles is mine I wish I met Don Rickles I know dude he's the best Rickles and and Rodney are two that and Elvis you know who I have to meet though I have to meet in my in my career would is Eddie Eddie Murphy yeah I have to it's not going to happen I don't know maybe there's chance there's a chance all right I'm Eddie like I heard that he's like he'll come up like and I heard he watches here's the thing about Eddie Murphy they say every comedy special he watches cuz he sits at home all he does is sit at home all right I'm I'm at a club and you see me come on dude don't do this to me he's my hero I'm at a club I'm like you don't all right you ready yeah you're at a club mhm okay excuse me yo don't yo yo yo yo yo yo get this Guinea [ __ ] away from me what what' you call me oh [ __ ] oh man how was your week my week what how was your week oh what an uncomfortable really we're doing that that's where we're at you're asking me how my week was go [ __ ] yourself I was away my week my week oh you just made my eye hurt with your [ __ ] pleasantries I love making your eye hurt my it's shut look at my eyes shut that's how much anger you give me sometimes how was your week Paul that was a family B dude I'm telling you the weather this morning I get I get shower dressed ready to go I got these new uh under arour p pants right they're like golf pants but they're like nice right you start golfing uh no Max is though is he yeah oh I saw him he's hitting it yeah so anyways I'm I'm sitting there I had a protein shake I'm ready to go so I'm I got all right I got to go so I put the protein shake in my front pocket I put it upside down no no no lid just down my pants are you okay why can I say something no no I don't I don't cuz I'm saying this out of love cuz I love you are you all right I'm fine dude you're falling at the I saw you fall at the gym you notice how I didn't call you yeah cuz if you know how I know this how you know I care about you [ __ ] Ari brought it up on Rogan oh the video Shane Mark Norman they were laughing at you I mean trashing me all right the reason why I didn't trash you I didn't watch it yeah cuz I was genuinely concerned and I wanted to talk to you off camera I just but now you're dumping protein shakes like are you going through something no dude I just I didn't know the lid wasn't on do you fall a lot or no I don't fall a lot I fell once do you trip I don't trip I tripped once what going up the stairs at the subway the long Subway over here that's what I mean did once dude listen to me do me a favor if there's if there's two more incidents in the next 10 days call me cuz I'll [ __ ] I'll drive you to the doctor's dude I'm fine okay I'm fine I'm fine the thing I just didn't how to throw my legs over and I threw them over and the weights took me over that way I saw all right and I was like and I was you looked like you banged your head I was like no I didn't do I I just love how you went like this to the guy that asked you the old Indian guy walked up he goes you all right and I went good I was so embarrassed went right back to lifting how many people were in there six it's not that bad no it's not that wasn't was that at night morning I just got in a fight with Dawn oh my God I went to the gym anger gym did she see it I gave it to her no she saw it first no no no no did you see the clip yeah I her and Max what she say were laughing for 20 minutes doing voiceovers of what I was saying godamn tell me what to do oh whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa oh my god oh what are you going to do all right so let's get into it who's first let's get into the ball uh you want to go first I guess it's go yeah you go first I went first last time it matters to you doesn't matter to me sound like you just caught a baby like say the heavy bone is heavy but it's the throws have gotten more accurate yeah throws are good but you can beat somebody to death with that I really wish we had the old bone it was a little less intimidating coming at you like might get another TV just in case all right here's my bone bone [Music] one I love it it's my one of my favorite Parts about the show it's bobby gets quiet as he processes if you drop something pick it up if you're not a child if you're an adult human being over the age of two if you drop something pick it up I can't tell you because I travel a lot I'm out in the streets of New York a lot I can't tell you how how many times I see somebody drop something and leave it don't even acknowledge it and you know it's even worse when they do look down and then they just keep going about their day let me tell you something I was so mad and dis I almost said something I almost said something I actually went and picked something up what was it dude first of all I I I have video evidence of it I had to take these bones happen and I'm going to start taking video evidence of it so people can see what I'm talking about number one one same within 10 minutes of each other I'm in the Delta Lounge cuz you know come on you think we're do we're Lounge people we've been in the game a bit we we have Lounge life you know what I mean go to the airport a couple hours early yeah I'm going to get eggs I'm going to get a latte in the staru get to thep I'm going to relax a little bit right and uh so I'm in the line now hold off don't play this shed oh dude here's a deal you have video check that took a video bone you have a video bone so I'm in there a guy's at the the big the the big Buffet at Delta Lounge you know what I mean gets a banana starts eating it in the line which is disgusting you can't wait 5 Seconds right right gets the banana half of it falls what half of the banana Falls leaves it no so now I look at this poor little old lady walks up nice shoes dressed nice about to step in it oh about to step in it so I get up cuz I'm a human being I was brought upright maybe I was a juvenile delinquent maybe I went to jail at 13 for the first time maybe I went to rehab at 15 or for drugs and alcohol maybe I did a lot of crime and a lot of [ __ ] up [ __ ] but you know what I don't I'm not a Savage I saw the banana and I saw she was about to step in it and she had these boot it was going to go up in the boots and be stuck in her foot was going to smell like rotten banana she doesn't know why I went whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa she was like what I go you're about to step in the banana and I grabbed a napkin that was right there and I picked it up and she went she went thank you thank you you got it was it a good enough thank you it was a great it was a meaningful thank you good she was like thank you so much I didn't want to step in a banana nobody wants to step in a banana was she Italian no she was black okay so what does that mean what anyways so then I'm sitting down and this guy shows up look at this Savage all right let's do it this guy shows up I'm furious eating his stupid s look at mayonnaise o mayonnaise on the ground he he's still eating he knows he looked down oh he looked at it he looked down at the mayonnaise and look at his go back to his ankles go to his ankles go back to the close-up scroll right go back look at that foot you scumbag you got ankle socks on with dirty sneakers look at his shoe yeah you got you going have ankle socks I got to be brand new kicks look there's a hunk of mayonnaise on the floor and you saw him look at it I saw him look he looked down and then kept eating his [ __ ] he's got a napkin in his hand which is easy to wipe it's right there and I waited I gave him the benefit of the doubt did you say anything this guy it's a man did you say anything no my flight right there went boarding I gotta go I got to go on first there's no sense to be in first class if you don't pass all those [ __ ] you know what I mean yeah no that's good good on you to do that I mean I if you drop something just pick it up you don't have a napkin especially when you how's this acknowledge it watch this ready I'm gonna drop something ready yeah uh I don't have a nap I I just dropped that I just dropped anybody have a napkin you have a napkin yeah I don't yeah where it go give it to me I'll take it I I'll get it thank you so much even if you don't have a napkin nobody I Dro at least we know you know yeah that you dropped it here let me show you what I would do what ready if I drop it no you're not one of those oh no I would pick it I would definitely pick it up well pick it up it's on the ground it's far back oh here it is okay that's a good bone though I hate people that drop I see it in New York all the time people just drop something and keep moving to like listen look at one time I was in New York somebody dropped a McDonald's that went yo yo yo yo what's up you dropped your thing you have a really what you have I'm I'm made to make this world better yeah but you have a confrontational way of when you get someone's attention even when we were doing Street bones what you go yo my man what's up you sound like you're how am I supposed to do it you go like this hey what's up you boy you how am I supposed to do it Mike you go I mean look there's many different ways that you could you could yo brother excuse me sir excuse me ma'am okay hi can I can I bother you for a second yeah okay great and and that's going to work in Ohio that's going to work in F Milwaukee that's going to work work in Middle America Albuquerque not in the streets of New York City by the UN you need yo yo yo you need to snap people out of their stupid I don't want to look at any talk to get them to look maybe next time you like H exactly you speak French Jesus just have a sign that says four migrants all right let me ask you this what about if you can't like the mayonnaise thing can't clean it up you don't have a napkin what if you just foot smush it into the ground just so that you at least acknowledge it is that is that okay or no if you don't have that guy had a napkin in his hand and that was too big of he had a napkin in his hand okay here's the thing you can always get up and get a napkin you can always I ate at a restaurant runs once we looked over at the table next to us there was [ __ ] all food Forks n all the stuff they dropped on the and they left it yeah even if you're at a restaurant you drop a fork at a restaurant what do you do pick it up pick it up go hey can I get another Fork 100% yeah you don't leave it no you don't leave it you pick it up yeah I mean you drop something and not that was too big of a glob to step on that's a glob like that was a glob not a drop glob that's not a that's not a drop a drop is different than a glob let me tell you something liquid I get it little bit of liquid okay lot of liquid get a napkin if it's a soop it up yeah if it's a glob you get it 100% 100% a glob you can't smudge you can't a tiny drop let's just say this you have a cat you have a uh um a burger who has the ketchup and pickles McDonald's yeah and you bite and one little drop of something whether catch up one drop ey drop hits the floor that's one thing a glob but a if a big glob that what what you saw that was a glob that that requires somebody getting a napkin no Globs no Globs no Globs can't no you can't and and Bobby's right that's that glob was big enough where even if he doesn't have a napkin by the way his napkin was 18 away from someone's going to step in it yeah someone's going to step in you glob a man cuz you're a slob yep a piece of crap yep good bone pick up your pick it up you drop something pick it up good bone I'm fired up I'm ready for mine now good oh here here this one this one companies whether you work there or not whoa whoa whoa my bone is I know I know I I all right you about to go into no no I wasn't I swear to God I know that we go bone first I know I'm just letting you know you get you companies you about to say the bone no but this goes for everybody but can't you just say that I was right was right no no you weren't though cuz I was going to save my bone here's what I was going to do I was going to go whether it's companies of people that work there this is my bum that's what I was going to do but you didn't you [ __ ] dove into the pool you [ __ ] dove in you hit that [ __ ] diving board [ __ ] real hard you know what dove into the pool man I Mak sense to me now when you said it you dive into the pool lot yeah I was like what does that mean you're waiting and then you die Fray okay you can I do all right but I still think I still think you fixed that on the Fly no I didn't I think you did I promise all right bone two my bone is this and this goes for everybody that works there the companies I can't handle it happened to me it happened all over my sweatshirt I ruined shirts the lids of coffee the lids of coffee all right okay yeah I cannot do it anymore I had a sweatshirt on it was you know me you're like you know I like my cream sweatshirts yeah I like cream sweatshirts I like white sweatshirts I like off-white sweatshirts I like light I like light things to wear light okay white what do you like white and light okay I want off I want eggshell color off egg I want off white I like cream color you see you see Bobby you see Bobby's coffee you want a white like a hood oh yes you see I do I do not that hood okay but you see Bobby's coffee color I like a hoodie like that I know you you definitely like a white hoodie no stop it I like a a white Hood no one knows who I am a bunch of other guys gold cross on top um I like a I like a cream colored hoodie I like white shirts I hate I hate them but yeah yeah yeah and I'm drinking my coffee and I to it and the lid is sealed by the way and gu what I'm at the I'm at the passport place in Manhattan waiting online to get my passport so I could go to Jamaica and I look down at my nice hoodie and there's just coffee all over it so then I test then I test the lid I go like this I look oh it's secure then I go like this I test like this drips down drips down because here's what it is they're lazy with the lids now they don't care about making the plastic secure they don't give a [ __ ] so they just give you the lid they give you the straw not caring and you go like this and it drips everywhere now I will say this people can say what they want about Starbucks and I have too okay but look at that okay look at that now can you tilt can you tilt yeah see oh oh oh see even Starbucks wow no that was that was from the top okay that was from the top but the Starbucks is better he had it on the side this one I went like this and it was a [ __ ] faucet coming down okay if I'm buying a $5 coffee a $6 coffee have have that be right spend the listen you're right dude have I'm telling you right now isn't there anything better when you get a cup of coffee and you know it's a firm lid and cup Isn't it nice when the lid clicks click when you hear the click and you're like this this isn't going anywhere coming out there's no dribble yes there's no dribble you're charging me5 $6 for a small coffee okay and I like ice coffee you like I like iced coffee right okay no black cof no no hot I love a hot yeah I like hot when it's morning hot hot you're morning I'm morning hot and then afternoon's cold I'm an iced coffee all the time and I just want the on like the guies with cappuccino after 11 no more hot no more cappuccinos no no iced only I I had stains all over me I looked like an absolute in in the passport you get of all no no the photo was already done in in line at a passport you have went and got a new swe somebody would have somebody if somebody took a picture of me their bone would have been slobs standing online looking like me right I had [ __ ] all over me and I was in a good mood cuz I was like I had my coffee I was up you know I got up early I got down I'm taking care of something and I look down and I'm going I'm doing this the whole [ __ ] time online I'm doing this if you saw me you see this for [ __ ] 15 minutes that's what I'm doing I'm just going like this so what you think your fingers were going to get the coffee stand no I had a I had a I had a napkin and I'm going like this and and then I put I put a a dabbed it into in water and then that made it more wet yeah yeah so the whole thing was a nightmare and it's all because of the cheap cups and the cheap Lids on coffee or tea every anything that has a [ __ ] lid it needs to you know which Lids are the best you know those blue cups that have the white lid you know what I'm talking about no you know what I'm talking about Mike it's that it's like the classic hot coffee cup blue the New York cup isek yeah almost with the Greek and then the white that you could go like this you can hang that upside down from a [ __ ] building not a drop yeah it's a little it's a thicker I like the lid with the thing on top that you can push back over cover that yeah but see I'm talking about this Starbucks though doesn't some coffee places have the little thing that flaps back over and covers the mouth hole that's a good lid right but but I'm not talking about the mouth hole I know I'm talking about the sides I know I was you know I'm talking about yeah look what do I have look oh here do I have this yeah oh there's not enough but yeah that's a [ __ ] one yeah that's a [ __ ] one if any big look at that look at that that's Hanging On by a thread yeah what's the company name solo solo no yeah not bad that's good that's actually not bad no Solo's good yeah but I didn't get when I whatever I had yeah you know so true that's my bone man have a tight lid on people are paying you good money for coffee it's the least you could do the line's out the door you're making money yeah you're making money dunking coffee coffee should be 50 cents coffee used to be 50 cents now it's five six bucks every cup you get good luck getting a cup of coffee for under $3 no and and now that they''re giving you cheap cups to save more money yeah [ __ ] them yeah Li people have a nice tight lid yeah you know what the lids are coming from right where China is that what it is yeah you know an American lid an American lid would be solid you know that all the lids should be American what all the lid should be American yeah we know who you're voting for I'll put an American flag on every [ __ ] lid oh that'd be a good one right right we just had the Stars and Stripes right around the I think every every lid should have a [ __ ] American flag on it even lives in other countries we should start doing that right yeah just in America yeah that's my bone man I got leaked on I got leaked on multiple times ruining sweatshirts because of the lid not hard that's a good B not no one's hard that's a good cuz that's a bone you think about it for a second you're like [ __ ] and then you move on that's a bone that's like a bone you kind of it hit you and then you forget about it cuz then you might get a couple good Lids right in a row but then you get a bad lid and you're like [ __ ] these people yeah yeah that's a good bone good bone dude yeah you too good bone good bones all right let's go to Fan bones fan bones this the part of the show where I don't want to jump in the pool no the fans write in their [ __ ] and they uh they send it to uh bone topcast gmail.com yeah send in We Video bones go right to the top you want to actually get right in there go to patreon.com bonei cast all those people get up there uh we got thousands of Bones we're going to get to them all so let's start this out let's get to some of them right now these are the bones you guys sent to us and we love them we have a lot of I mean this is my favorite part it's the best no it's the best podcast in the world people have saying it's the best it's the best podcast in the world you know it's a good podcast when other people start doing versions of yeah you know not mentioning any names even if it's just one person well whoever it is but whatever all right go ahead call what you want we're the bone fathers oh bone God bone fathers if you think somebody's not going to make a poster of me and you looking like Don's with a bone somewhere exactly it's going we got a bone from Christy got a bone the pick sorry bad reference uh whoa who someone's got a bone wow uh Christy uh she has a bone to pick Christy's got a bone she's got a bone to pick when her husband and kids and that her goes to the store and everyone picks out their own favorite snacks yet they only eat all of her snacks and leave their shitty snacks behind that sounds like my wife's bone my wife hides her snacks my wife hides her snacks she has a draw and she doesn't tell anybody where they are yeah my wife my wife has half Moons the little Half Moon yeah she hides them or you eat them she leaves them out in the open no you can't but she gets violently mad if you if she come she knows how many half Moons she's got uhhuh she'll walk over and she'll do this she'll be doing something she'll go like this oh yeah like what yep that you look back at the box like I can't have any no you can have some and then she go you have your own snacks yeah and I'm like all right she shames me out of eating snack my wife has a rage and it's because when she was growing up her brother stole her stuff so if you ever want yeah like her food if you ever want to see my wife up an off if you want to see if you ever want to see my wife really snap yeah take her favorite snacks it she turns into something that I don't know that I'm married I find stashes like she like she's s squir like a squirrel like a squirrel she has little compartments and I go what the [ __ ] one day I open the little compartment and they're all these little chocolates and I go what's that and she started blushing she goes those are mine that's what that is because you animals I'm going to go through it my wife has a she has a SE dude every once in a while I'm looking for a screwdriver I find a little bag of those cadberry eggs oh dude those catberry eggs dude I'm like where are these from those are mine I found Reese's Cups rolled up in the back of the freezer cuz she likes some cold and I go I go I didn't know that we had and she just kind of smirked you don't you don't yeah you got to Mama you got to start hiding your snacks that really that is the only way yeah like a squirrel I mean yeah I mean in a house full of kids or or you know get your snack go when you go by yourself get your snacks or get your snacks delivered yeah with your name on it and start hiding your snacks the only way you're going to save your snacks between a husband and and other kids you got to hide them yeah you got to get a little spot like my wife has all of the Easter stuff in the house already and nobody knows where they are yeah my wife will hide she'll hide them like where the pots and pans are cuz you she knows I'm never going there she'll hide [ __ ] in the chimney my wife's a [ __ ] in the chimney yeah dude the only person that knows where they are is her and Santa Claus and Mary Popp Santa comes down a bunch marshmallows on her way down that's a great bone dude great bone good bone good bone all what else all right we got another really good one this is coming in from Frank uh this is okay Frank has a bone to pick with people who bring their personal like thermos or coffee tumbler to a gas station or like a 7-Eleven or Wawa and then to quote these animals put their personal sippy cup against the spout of the self-service coffee o I'm not a germaphobe but this is disgusting put it in a paper cup and then transfer it to your thermos you fil wow I never even thought of that that's cuz I never seen anybody do it but that's true man your mouth is all over the ring and then you're putting it there it's a good yeah yeah dude you don't want to I mean the it goes back to another bone I had where people when they do your thing and they grab it and they do that yeah right didn't I do that bone it's like dude listen I whatever the [ __ ] what is this you know oh someone goes get me one of these you can't touch the top the two things you can't do you can't touch the top and you can't touch your face and you can't touch some you can't touch the spout of anything no like you ever see somebody at the gym I saw a guy's tongue hit the top no yeah it's like dude I'm not doing if there's a spout of anything any spout you stay away from it yeah you stay away from it you don't put your stupid personal and you know they don't wash that thing that's his third cup today and then he puts it in there and he touches the spout dude you ever see oh oh what a Savage it's disgusting man disgusting you can't touch the top of somebody's drink you can't put the ring of your drink on anything hold it down hold it below the spout yeah if you have your personal I don't mind a personal cup but if you hold the cup down you you keep it away at least two inches away from the spout yeah there's a lot of different ways you could do you could the straw could hit it you could hold it with the straw you could do a lot of different things what what you can what you could take the hit the button with the straw you know the you get a straw you get a straw and then you put it up to the spout of hot coffee no I'm talking about the thing you push in so you get the straw how do you do it if I had if I you can describe it I got my cup yeah yeah right here's my straw yeah here's the straw okay yeah where's the spout what the spouts here okay okay yeah I got to push this in yeah but instead of my ring going I could go like this see and it's bent back a little bit look see and then you just go done I mean I think he nailed it on the head when he said just get a paper cup and transfer it and I got your mouth your spit cover have to h a NASA to [ __ ] it you know what I mean I like it though that's a good bone oh my eye hurts again I swear to God you make my [ __ ] eye hurt oh I can't I what else what else my eye the anger you give me you're have a t makes this eye shut oh [ __ ] are you all right though I'm all right what do you mean am I all right is your eye okay uh it's fine you you anger me so much it shuts the left side of my head that you're on shuts down you get a straw what the [ __ ] if I ever walk in and see a guy using a straw because of this show I'm GNA slap it out of his [ __ ] hand just get a cup all right what else Mikey we got one from uh we got from Lucy this is an OG from patreon Lucy Lucy great name Lucy my first girlfriend's name Lucy really yeah Lucy Bey oh she born in 1940 allor right I Love Lucy all right go ahead lucyy is a great name not not used no no it's used for dogs a lot now it's like an animal name now I'm sorry Lucy I don't mean no Lucy's a great name I'm just saying it should come back cuz now it's a lot of times I see a dog with all right stop saying it what stop saying it like a ferret oh my God Luc is a good name for a feret Lucy Lucy I love you Luc just comes up over your neck did you give Lucy your carrots a little peanut how's it go that's perfect so that's such a fair go ahead all right definitely human Lucy uh as a bone to pick uh she ordered shrimp a shrimp salad last night with 20 shrimp on two skewers but they had the tails on with sauce all over them that was mine no way to eat them and they brought the plate with the tails on and no ta no extra plate so she's got now she's got all these tails that she's put all over the table and it's just a bad a bad delivery of how they're giving if Lucy has listened to the show one of my first bones ever on our show I think it was in the first seven episodes was they giving they're giving you shrimp at a restaurant and they don't take the little tail piece off and you have to go like this you got to squeeze it take it out and you have now a place to put it and now if there's sauce on it what she's saying now it's camouflaged now she could bite into it thinking it's like don't make me do that work I love this bone CU it was one of mine I love it take listen shellfish need to come off I think this is even more specific so that we're going to go deeper bone is that it's a shrimp salad with with skewers in it Tails that's like put that's like having a chicken salad and the feet still on you're not supposed to eat a salad with your fingers it's lazy man no it's lazy it's it's a lazy Chef [ __ ] take the shrimp take the tail off put it on the skewer I don't want this whole tail shit's got to go yeah I don't yeah I don't get you know what I don't get you know I love shrimp cocktail I love when the bucket of shrimp but they you got to you got to do it you got to peel the thing off no I don't I don't get it wait a minute no no but a real good place you just you can go to some place they have a bucket of shrimp shrimp right and then you can just just a bucket right and you can just I love it I love shrimp cocktail my you talking about taking the bottom legs off you got to take you got to scoop the legs no then there's a little [ __ ] in there you know there's [ __ ] in there I know the black [ __ ] is stuff as [ __ ] I know I know okay yeah I know yeah it's not just black stuff I know okay so so you got to [ __ ] take the legs off the black stuff is [ __ ] okay yeah and yeah it's like what are we doing here man I paid I paid a lot of money for this dish even if you didn't it's a two second thing in the kitchen take can you do me a favor they got knives and [ __ ] do me a favor take the carcass off the animal please yes I don't want to know I don't want to see little legs no I don't want to see its tail I don't want to see it [ __ ] track and while we're on this subject I don't need to see the fish's eyeball unless you cut the head off cut the head off see thing like this [ __ ] things like this looking at me like this I don't need that a bronzini Bron SC yeah the thing opened up it's it's all de and you look around it might being murdered yeah like Mike do people eat the eyeball yeah of a fish of fish yeah that's that's a it's a I mean not a cool person gross people do they take a fork and actually dig the high out it's like uh it's like one of those right a passage things like they'll do on like boat fishing boats but some people eat them cuz it's still protein but it's disgusting see I mean dude eating a fish head is like for me it's like listen I'll eat caviar I'll eat the fish eggs cuz they're salty and delicious but I ain't cutting into a thing's head taking the eye out dude I don't need to see the thing look you know yeah I don't want to see it looking at me you said it best when you said can you just take the carcass away just give us the meat that's edible I just want to think what I'm going to eat have on the plate that's it that's it what I'm going to eat have on the plate don't have its carcass that's why Maryland crabs [ __ ] you and you stupid crabs they give you a hammer a bib and a napkin and they expect you to just gut this thing like you just ational yeah you know what I notic restaurants do too and I'm sure you've seen this they like to do this cute [ __ ] cuz they cost because they spend they they charge a lot of money they like to do the cooking in front of you so like we went to this Italian place they take the pasta and they throw it in that big piece of cheese and they do that it's like all right but it's like I it wasn't as and then one time we went to this fish place and they take the fish out like you want us to do this to the fish and they rub the fish down and it's just like I don't I understand do that in the kitchen dude I'm talking to my wife do that in the kitchen okay yeah now you got to watch you got to it's like you're your staff now you going to watch this [ __ ] you're just like a waiter waiting fortra and they're doing this and I'm going yeah D that's his job cheese wheel [ __ ] they light it on fire yeah they light it on fire and they thr the your head's hot right do that [ __ ] in the kitchen [ __ ] idiots I'm not I'm not go like this I know I paid you to do it yeah I don't [ __ ] like this with your glass yeah yeah yeah everybody's going to do this ah this is interesting you're going to pretend like it's fascinating some boring [ __ ] for [ __ ] 10 minutes while this [ __ ] old waiters and then all everyone else at the table's going look look at the show just [ __ ] it give me my dish yeah put it listen blah blah blah blah blah put it on my plate blah blah blah blah blah it's it's makeup it's makeup for an ugly I just let the dish do the talking yeah what you know what it was one one [ __ ] Chef went to a small place in Italy where they probably didn't have room in kitchen to do that and they did it out there and it was like dude we got to bring this back some dick we got nowhere for the wheel bring it out SI Food Network go [ __ ] yourself all right what else Mike all right so we are going to do a couple of do you know what time what it's time for what is it oh no I think you know what time it is oh do you but do you at home know what time it is right now everybody watching ready wait and [Music] video B video bone video bone oh this guy oh he's got his hand up looks like you he's got his hand up well if I was in Middle Eastern maybe whatever his name is Costa Costa na that one he's you he's you all right that looks like your uncle this is our boner look at his hands up his hands up before the video starts he's going uh you want a bone I got your [ __ ] bone today I can't stand going into a bathroom and it's either wall to--all mirrors or there's a mirror below shoulder level I don't need to stand at the toilet or a urinal and look in either direction or in front of me and watch myself pee into a toilet that's terrible uh it it also side ball within this side ball I don't know if there's some creepy [ __ ] happening on the other side of that mirror but I go in do what I got to do real fast and get out again don't need to watch myself pee through a mirror and uh I don't know why I need a mirror that big who's on the other side watching me you guys ever experienced that you guys are good let me know what you think about it oh that's a great one yeah dude what is this a strip club I'm just trying to take a piss I don't like and he's right I don't like mirrors around a bathroom a lot I don't I don't like mirrors below the tits yeah I'm just looking at my face to see if I have [ __ ] in my teeth you ever think about the mirrors in the hotels we go to yeah that's [ __ ] dude that was a thing what do you mean it's a thing that was a thing what are you talking about well like people were looking in [ __ ] mirrors like watching rooms whether it was a camera or like a [ __ ] peeper dude yeah that's why I do weird [ __ ] to my ass what what why huh you want a show I'll give you a goddamn show one time I was in a hotel tell him I heard this behind the mirror M's got his finger in his ass finger yeah I had the phone oh [ __ ] yeah dude mirrors listen you don't need it's so funny I was in a bathroom once dude you want to hear a [ __ ] up bathroom thing yeah yeah there's a Tha restaurant downtown a what Tha okay what' you think I said I thought you I don't know I said Ty okay what Ty I thought you said something else what' you think I said said tire no it's yeah it's a tire restaurant yeah they cook rubber I thought you talking about a Michelin Star Rider restaurant go ahead Tai Ty restaurant the bathrooms the door you could see out from in what so I was taking a [ __ ] too I had to go I'm sitting there watching people eat [ __ ] coconut shrimp and [ __ ] and [ __ ] that tie and the way the bartender I'm just [ __ ] you could see out the [ __ ] door it was a glass door but you could see through that way out this way go for bid whatever makes that happens reverses it's just me [ __ ] I'm watching people eat while I'm [ __ ] it was the grossest thing I've ever done that's disgusting I it was disgusting dude well it's grosser for them if they could see you they dig they couldn't hopefully I don't know I I mean just see your Sketcher sneakers with your [ __ ] boxers out of your ankles why I got have sketches what don't you have sketches I got a couple pair yeah they're comfortable slipons but dude I I mean I was at here's the thing too when you're peeing and there's a mirror in front of you you can't help so dude act this out ready we're peeing right and there's a mirror in front of us you're peeing I'm peeing ready okay oh you can't help but wait that are you [ __ ] out of your dick wait no you said you said peeing right you have a venial disease what are you alone you just got back from the Vietnam War son got kidney stones why are you you said we're peeing how thick is your piss though diabetes you never go like but if there's a mirror right here right you can't help but you're looking at you but I see you there's no way you're not going to go like this and make ey so I'm going to make eye contact with you there's no way you're not going to do it no no no there's no way you're not going to go hey what's up you going see let's do it you ready ready go like this ready we pigy what are you [Laughter] doing no I know what you mean though like you make my eye hurt this is the gayest we've ever had Paul B on the show reaching around looking at your hog oh that's hilarious yeah mirrors mirrors I mean they just you know where a mirror belongs in the bathroom yeah you don't the the best thing he said was the mirror the mirror under the uh under the shoulders cuz the mirror up here is fine fine the mirror up here where you're just kind of looking at the top you can look at your face you make sure you know that that you go like all that I say tits up down low tips you don't need I don't I don't need down low I don't need that I don't need that's for that's for vanity that's for vanity dude I got a really funny story when I was women need it though what women need mirrors yeah women need a mirror cuz they're wearing dresses and [ __ ] they need a mirror to look oh all right fix their stupid disco belt whatever stupid thing they're wearing dude one time I went we had um we had foreign exchange students in our high school from Germany right and I went into the bathroom is that where it started and they I that's where you started like white Hood white everything and you must wear white ball they two funny stories one I had a keg party and they came yeah and made them sing the national anthem on my front lawn before they went in my backyard I swear that's the God's honest truth that's the God's honest truth they had to sing the national anthem I said you come to my mother's house and you come here from Germany you got to go on the front lawn I had all these [ __ ] on my front lawn singing the National Anthem before they went in my backyard for the cake that's the truth Andy you wonder why people think we're [ __ ] this piece of [ __ ] Americans no they're German [ __ ] that dude that's the least they could can you see what are they fuckingg I can't do a [ __ ] [ __ ] cariban no and uh but when I went into the Arnold to and they were pissing they stand this kid was like four feet they stood four feet back with their pants at their ankles you suck his dick you want America you cck suck I'll [ __ ] show you America you [ __ ] dude that's so they take their pants all the way down no D they were stepping back and their pants were all the way down I [ __ ] I was lost you saw their ass Knuckles that's dude that's terrible all right here we go babe great bone awesome aome bone we want to thank all you guys for uh of course sting in your bones we're getting to all of them don't you worry about that we haven't got to yours yet it's coming video bones like we said they go right to the top because they're our favorite uh make sure you go to Bone to pick cast at gmail.com that's where you send in your video bones but if you're a member of the patreon patreon.com bpcast you get your bones right up in there okay so support the show that way uh you can go to comic ral.com we have merch up there and please if you guys want some of the the bone the bone to pick hats the the the button right yeah no the buttons at another place we're going to get buttons okay we're going to get button you always just add no no no we got the button we got the hats we're going to have we actually have a whole new place you can go where bone toi cast.com is now live we have our own website w we have a website nice nice I mean one year 2024 nobody uses websites anymore but we got one it's like like it's 2006 our business cards coming in the mail um join our mailing list no but uh Paul earlier was like let's go to Duncan and get the paper what the hell what you doing your act what year are you going to get a coffee no guys also please spread the word and tell your friends about the show the show is doing fantastic and it's because of you guys and go to our YouTube channel and all you guys have to do is click the Subscribe button and every time anything new from bone to pick comes out you get blasted on your phone uh for my live shows go to Paul ver.com trador May 10th in Los Angeles May 11th we are doing a live bone at the Earl in uh at the red clay Comedy Festival in Atlanta Georgia June 8th I'm at the Gramm Mery theater I'm in uh Naples Florida at the end of March so Paul ver.com for all my dates Robert Kelly live.com for all my dates I'm going to be in Boston uh mother ship is sold out I believe uh I got a lot of dates coming up I'm going to be touring this summer too up in Maine the Hampshire the Tiny House Tour is going to be going on so go there go to punch up. live you can watch my special killbox for free up there right now uh and all my other clips that I put on Instagram that I got to edit and beep because they [ __ ] they they they shadowban me uh all the unedited versions are up there right now a bunch of content on punch up. live and that's it what do you got Mike and if by the way if you haven't seen killbox or nocturnal Admissions and you listen what the [ __ ] are you doing what are you doing so check out killbox and I'm aggressive and nocturnal Miss I'm aggressive you know how influential killbox the special is I was just at Soul Jo's Comedy Club he told me that they modeled the club after your special because of how great it was so they built the club to look like yours CU they like they wanted to be that much of a kill box there you go and it is yeah no what club is great yeah awesome uh make sure you Joel he's great uh make sure you check out all of our stuff we'll see you guys next time on a we didn't get mik head.com yeah there we go sorry Mike no it's all right I apologize you're right I was wrong no it's all right all right see I let you off easy you would give go hard at me I got I just got a bone for next week I got a bone for next week right now I got a bone right now you're lucky the show's over we'll see you next time on a bone to pick [Music] podcast he

Channel: Bone to Pick Podcast

Views: 12,092

Keywords: coffee, starbucks fail, comedy, standup comedy, corporate fail, why are people slobs, messy people

Id: uah9ULnDnIk

Length: 48min 33sec (2913 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 01 2024