Ep 136: Ali Siddiq & Rum Punch

Chappelle Rock fur one Mulaney Maniscalco Frazier Hart Netflix made them handsomely and with whatever money they had left over they got this guy I grew up in Louisiana I grew up a lot of homophobia I grew up with a guy hating gay people he was obsessed with gay guys taking the rainbow that was like his big beef gay guys took the rainbow I'm like that might be the gayest complaint I've ever heard my entire life I'm doing all right you know I had sex with my wife today or she calls it micro dosing and uh I remember one time I left the abortion clinic with a lady and there's a guy protesting he goes you're a goddamn murderer he's like wow about murder are really more just hired a hit man and Men even treat their dicks like kids we wash it we take care of it we name it we go you want to see a photo people go no thank you the only difference is you beat your kid at the mall nobody stops you Mark Norman Soup To Nuts another reason why women are better than men you don't see a lot of female School shooters what's going on there I Googled it there's been two oh anybody ever heard of them whether it's gun violence or the WNBA nobody's watching these female shooters the special he's been waiting for uh all right [Music] good to be here guys apparently eating Chinese food during the episode this is uh geez well I don't know I'm drawing a blank the guy who was stuck on the aisle Gilligan yeah uh yeah does it say Happy Happy Father's Day Dad oh yeah you're gatherer S Thompson there we go I mean whatever they give you have to wear you can't like oh they gave you that yeah Oh I thought you bought at a thrift store because it's kind of got a cool old look yeah you know the guy you ever see something about Mary there's that weird guy who gets he's like Mary's my girl and it says a dance contest yeah there's holy [ __ ] for that reminder the guy who shoots the guy yes yes that's you dude it's a deep cut deep reference deep but hey here we are it's it's summer in New York City Manhattan's hot I was sweating dude and it's like there's noise everywhere it's like if there's a space where there's no noise there's like a guy who comes in to make noise there was a guy singing the Candyman on the subway and I'm like they can't he has the Dandy the doo-wop song No The Candy Man and you had a bucket of lollipops I'm like who's taking those lollipops literally rule number one is you don't take lollipops from strangers we were on the street the other day and some guy guys you want my album and I go I'm good he goes I'll sign it I go give me the album and you're like what are you doing that's [ __ ] rookie [ __ ] he's gonna charge you I know it was like a mixtape what did it cost you I got it he got me out of it I got him out of it you don't do that after he signed it over no he didn't sign it oh okay what you think he knew his name that quickly I was on it I was like stop it yeah that's a rookie move because take my album what do they give you the album then they want money yeah yeah okay I'll be 20 bucks and you're like oh I thought it was free and they're like who said it was free yeah that's their whole day that's the whole day yeah all right well you saved me there that was bad I felt like a real hey seed I feel like a real pecker would you would have done the same no those guys are actually dangerous that's what I'm saying there was a shootout in Times Square with those guys with the cops what yeah yeah what are you talking about there was a shootout between the the CD signing guys the cops tried to stop them they ran and they shot it out with a cop whoa that would help the album the value street cred baby yeah 50 Cent he got shot that's uh and then when they go to jail they they have to give up the albums oh yeah they go in they get them that's true they have a record yeah do you think they're still trading cigarettes in jail they gotta I heard Ramen was number one currency yeah then cigarettes I feel like it's shrimp ramen is number one then chicken then beef yeah Seafood is the higher quality higher quality Ramen but yeah it's always on a Chinese menu it'll be like or Thai it's like a pick a protein chicken and beef 8.99 shrimp 10.99 yeah always love a good shrimp and they give you less it's not a galaxy of shrimp shrimp stew shrimp gumbo shrimp creole shrimp pasta shrimp bread shrimp and grits and yet it's an insult you're a shrimp Ah that's true yeah bubble gum shrimp thank you Bubba Gump yeah all right that guy had a bad run man he [ __ ] he dies and then he gets all the pro uh the proceeds oh yeah that's a tough one that's a tough life yeah that was back when they always killed the black guy in like the first half of the movie oh yeah that was the 90s were tough and then they had the nerve to make The Green Mile which was like we need another uh uh Angelic soothsayer Prophet black guy they do that with everything Legend a bag of Vats the other one you know it's always like the black guy who's who knows all or gets killed and every judge in a movie is black but it was a happy ending at least in Shawshank that's true I mean they were in prison but yeah they met up with him at the boat yeah that wouldn't be you need that Hollywood happy ending yeah I got a good wreck for you guys Criterion saw it the other night night moves with uh Pac-Man Gene Hackman yeah yeah really yeah yeah great movement 81 80. Thief came out did you ever see Thief before Thief I haven't seen that I know Thief okay night but who directed that is that their pen wow well Bonnie and Clyde action is that based on the song by Bob Seger not at all in the movie if not I bet it is they used to do that they used to put them together like staying alive I would have noticed it it was like a slow Florida sweaty noise wow yeah it was good man all right man right up my anal I'm down Night Moves I'm trying to watch every oh sorry I'm trying to watch every uh Tarantino made a top 10 movies what what have you watched from it well I saw blowout that's a great one great that was a wreck from a few weeks back for me that's right the young Travolta uh hit a couple other ones what else you got directors love the Palma I feel like yeah it's like a director's director that's true no one else really likes him I need a scarf I like him I'll give him he wrote it I don't think he directed it really or did he direct it who directed I thought he did direct it oh okay I gotta see the first the second one I have not seen his girl Friday That's a classic yeah that's like a like a farce right Pandora's Box yeah I haven't seen that see there's a lot of these unfaithfully yours never seen that five Graves to Cairo never seen that Billy Wilder damn I should see that yeah all right good list dude uh I got another one for you another movie I just watched and it's because it's weird I'm I'm reading the Steve Jobs book I'm almost done with it's really good yeah Walter Isaac interesting guy amazingly interesting the thing we did with the the license plate he never bought a car he just kept leasing it he had all these little hacks I'm not up to that oh it gets good so you can't get a ticket if you have a dealer plate that was it so he kept getting a new car for three months so he can get a dealer plate so he get caught speeding and they'd be like well we can't write you a ticket he had all these little genius twists what the hell is beard you doing a lot is going on here wow I got a shot of that somebody do not Zing the beard you this week I know what's going on I heard you bumped into Jay Leno about a month ago what uh Burning Man what are we doing here we're doing uh we're doing a little uh special twist a beer juice on a rum punch get a whiff of that wow the guest is gonna [ __ ] on this this is great no this is fun looking at the Chalice the fruit the the stabby thing I love it it's uh it's a pomegranate banana rum punch oh that's a [ __ ] one one fart up that's yeah get that all out before our guest comes I don't think I don't think he's gonna like you farting on him very much this is one I'm actually nervous for you yeah let's get going this is one I don't think you can pull off well we'll see he doesn't want to go back to the pen I'll tell you that I know but I think I think just like reflexes are gonna kick in that's true that's true he might stab me with a sharpened toothbrush but that we're giving too much away here it does come with a pick so be careful uh true it's got a weapon all right I gotta try this so this is a rum punch with a by the way welcome back from Australia oh hey good to be back across the pond oh that is delicious oh man it actually tastes healthy it's good it's tropical for the summer we're good you know very nice what what fruit is in there there is a pomegranate cranberry pineapple orange and uh the rum is plantation banana rum yeah don't pull that out with the guest all right what else you got huh Cool Whip all right all right getting it all out before he gets here okay oh but Australia really you gotta go I I talked to the promoter he said they're interested okay you so uh but yeah great time it's a whole different world over there obviously it's a 20-hour flight fluke coach why just you know I gotta stay with the people all right now I flew I flew first class there which was unbelievable that was the best part of the whole trip and then I flew coach back just to get me back to Earth because it was so fun to get treated so well you got a tour manager he goes that way you have a tour manager yeah I've never had one it's a game changer yeah it's nice the car is there when you need it uh hey can I never got any club soda oh I got a good club soda coming in hot you know all that [ __ ] was great I hope you're using them for more than just the club soda I barely used them I didn't know what to do and he was like you're the easiest artist I've ever had I couldn't believe how easy this was I was like we went out every night drinking it was great that is the weird thing about the road is I forget how unhealthy we are sometimes on stage is like a throwaway I didn't even mean it to be funny but I said you know so we're trying to be healthy on the road I mean we do drink every night and that gets like a huge laugh oh I guess that's not healthy at all yeah you forget about that we were just pounding a bottle of wine you know before I'd go on but then you know the next day we had I did two weeks on the road I did on the tour bus we were you know yeah we were hitting it pretty [ __ ] hard that's what you got to do but the thing is you know what happens is you get really drunk at night and then your whole day is recovery you hit a sauna you hit the gym you're just trying to hit the steam room every day steam room every day sweat it out and then you drink again that night because you have to reward yourself for all the recovery you did it's a vicious cycle it's a vicious cycle that ends at 46. very soon Chrysler did it did it he's still going I don't know that's this could have a bad ending that's true I'm worried I feel like crush is gonna die on like a go-kart accident that's gonna be some twist that no one sees coming or usually he gets like E coli from the spinach salad or something you're like that's what got him he's gonna slip on a roller skate or something yeah Sam Kinison like he quit yes and then a drunk driver killed him perfect example yeah he was drunk he might have swerved out of the way uh-huh true drunk drivers it's like negative numbers it might be okay ah if he was coked up he could have seen it coming you know he would have been ready but that was uh that was crazy I mean Kennison and Hicks dying super young yeah those are like like the edgy dudes of today I know one was lung cancer pancreatic cancer oh okay great crazy so keep smoking kids oh what I was getting you before before we get into the tour stuff I'm watching um I'm watching that movie Blackberry it's a new movie with Glenn Howerton from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and uh he's great in it Jay barishelle it's a good movie it's cool it's it's well it's like it's like nerdy Wolf of Wall Street oh all right you know but anyway I'm watching it and I'm not giving anything away because people know the true story but it's they were completely destroyed by the iPhone that's what destroyed Blackberry it's like I'm reading it coinciding with this book I love that and uh it is amazing that it's like one thing is dominant and then the next thing just destroys it there's no just like we're still kinda here they're [ __ ] they're there but it's like they're doing other stuff it's like Barry it's like Blockbuster it's like cyber well they were completely out but I think Blackberry does like cyber security or something yeah they do some stuff but yeah but like you know the name still means something but but iPhone you're like yeah it's over they were they were the whole thing like No One's Gonna want to like do the clicky they want the clicky thing yeah and the wheel the rolly thing was fun the [ __ ] whatever that was yeah you worked the clay yeah yeah I've taught a lot of kids yeah you'd see guys with a Blackberry like that guy means business like it felt it felt you were important you were handling [ __ ] just scrolling and that type of thing sometimes I dip my nose on it you lick it yeah you suck on it yeah wow that's I love stories like this it's a good movie it's a good good flick uh and and the a jobs book is incredible it's a Dudu wrote the Einstein uh the Einstein book also oh no he does a lot of Bio bios but uh really [ __ ] good all right I mean I love a good bio biopic bio book I'm in I got a bit can I run a bit by you I know it's early but it kind of goes off what we're saying so here's an idea I have for a bit and I don't know if there's anything here but it's like um all these movies now are about like I guess the premise is like the genres we're out of stories to tell like the new movie air it's like all right it's uh all right is it about Michael Jordan no it's about his shoe that's what it's about then you're like all right and then you're like all right we got uh the movie flaming hot and you're like it's the making of the Flamin Hot Cheeto that's the movie Eva Longoria director thought it was not Andy Cohen then we got uh you know Blackberry the making it's like the new genre is just capitalism like like how long before how long before there's a movie where they're like one man decided to that cream should go between two cookies the Oreo story you know you're joking but Seinfeld's making the Pop-Tart oh well there you go well there you go right and it's like uh but it's like you're going to see a premise where they have to create drama where they're like the cream will never work so you can't put it and he'll be like I have to try you know all right I guess the dialogue was good I don't know but it's like that's that's what we're dealing with yeah they're out of stories they're out of stories and we had Wall Street in the 80s yeah that's kind of about but yeah you're right it used to be about Vietnam or something coming home from Nam or they still make war movies I guess and stuff like that but it's just an observation that no it's like a whole new genre yeah I take that over a Marvel movie I would too yeah but as I said there's a good movie Blackberry is very good yeah as long as the story is good you know because flaming hot it's literally about Cheetos but a janitor and people say he didn't even do it people were like it's [ __ ] all right but it's like a feel-good Latino story so they're like nah he did it yeah he [ __ ] did it right but yeah Cool Hand Luke's like a guy getting out of jail and all that [ __ ] and uh yeah you're right it's we're really scraping the barrel and it's all products yeah because that's the last adventure we don't have Adventures anymore or whatever they have a crazy Uber ride or something you know you got to go to you got to go to these guys because these are like the new um Risk Takers yeah speaking of Cool Hand Luke I watched this movie Harper last night and I think you'd really like it I never heard of it me and Mark are both of us yeah I didn't think have you ever have you ever seen it I think you've never heard of it never seen it so it's uh like right before Cool Hand Luke maybe like two or three years same writer and it's Paul Newman Peak Paul Newman yeah he plays like a Richard Marlow type Phillip Marlow oh sorry Philip yeah yeah that's true I love Paul Newman he's great because he's a sex symbol and he's 510. oh nice gives me hope you know that's five Tenors where they they did some Tinder uh study and it says once you get past six foot the the the likes just plummet so we need our 510 sex symbols out there Newman and half Jew so Mark you said that you were in Australia and you're cooking up a lot of new bits a lot of new bit I gotta tell you I'm just getting away from America the news and Trump and politics and school shootings and all this [ __ ] and the you know we're very Doggy Dog over here and it's just chill there and uh I I was my my creativity was popping because I have you know I got the days free no pods writing big shows the wife I'm with the wife are you still able to ah we got a couple fights and I finally got some alone time so I could you know really uh ride it out you just tell her she's been gaining weight just so you can go to the coffee shop and crank out some material wow you have Let Yourself Go Mark all right perfect two hours let's do this all right right exactly she's like who are you dming oh this is your sister all right finally a little alone time yeah but uh yeah great great trip and just seeing new [ __ ] and getting out and seeing the Sydney Opera House and taking a ferry and going to Bondi Beach and going to New Zealand and you know all this crazy [ __ ] was like getting the juices flowing again because you know we kind of get a little rote out here you wake up you have your hard-boiled egg you go do a pod you get drunk at noon you hang out with us you put a belt around your neck the [ __ ] mask on it's the same day every day it's hard on a black person you do a puck you know whatever it is and you do shows at night and then you yeah you call your dad he doesn't answer whatever it is but out there it was all new and I think it got the Mojo going anything that breaks up routine we're such creatures of routine I mean yeah I think about that all the time is I'm going away I'm going to Europe you know I'm going to London that'll be good it'll be good for me to just get away for a while definitely seeing new buildings yeah and they have different Expressions so you could go out and you want your Australia Chunk Up Front you know you want to do the a fish out of water we finally get to be the novelty we're a bunch of straight white honkies out here so being over there you're exotic it was fun to be exotic it'll be nice to be like stabbed in an English accent for once but he's got a little peaky blinders head on you okay take it what the hell quite a good seven ain't it yeah yeah exactly so uh yeah just had a great time and you're all your brain is always open because you're like oh I need a new I need a new bit about Australia to do them up top so uh yeah great time and uh it's all these big theater shows because you never get to go out there so your tickets really sell and you don't want to let the theater down so you got to really bring the heat and I had just had a great time but I definitely drank too much did you cook up a new bit oh you want a new bit let's get a bit all right let's get a bit going okay so uh I've been playing a lot of video games lately and the lady hates it what do you play I've been playing uh well they're all like Mario Kart and Donkey Kong I got a throwback but she's getting annoyed with it you good yeah I'm wondering if we did this one already oh did I caught the boss yeah you did this one oh [ __ ] look at me I'm like the drinking podcast sorry let me let me uh hold on I got another one did I do the only fans no okay I think I told I ran this by you but I finally cracked it hit me my buddy does only fans he's a hot guy and he's always bitching about making no money and I'm like well I'm not a woman but you wanna women already hate dick pics and now you want them to pay for them you want a woman to pay for a dick pic that's insane that'd be like me paying to see the to see to get yelled at at Target you know like the thing I don't like you know you get it the thingy women don't like about men you want them to pay for now I don't want to get paid to have for you to have a mood swing blah blah blah and then I talk about how dicks are so uh scary to women but they also like them too I feel like women look at Dicks the way I look at crawfish you know like you see one out in the wild they're weird and kind of scary but in the right mood I'm like I'll suck the head you know that's good that's good so that's been killing for a second I was like maybe you should go oysters but I like to suckers I started with oysters yeah what do you say something about oysters are the danger yes it's pretty bad but yeah yeah you can get poisoned or an STD or whatever but then it goes on to uh he's like ah well it sucks it's not fair the men make less money and I'm like you gotta suck this one up because this is only fans for men as rwnba nobody wants to see that I love that you know and that's that's you're doing this by me I love this one yeah but I needed some more in the front so I it's really cooking now I like that that's really good that's a working bit no that's good um the only the fact that it's like you like this but it's also it's bad right right yeah just sorry nobody likes it's like you like I think one of the things is like if you're in a relationship you like one dick uh like I'm not I'm not imagine being that specific yeah only day imagine being that specific with with crawfish uh there's only one I like and there's just like okay well which one you're like yeah they pour out a basket on the table and you're like that's the one that's my crawfish right there yeah so uh that's the new bit it's really it's really cooking and it's it's blowing it out but the only fans think it's a grown from women and I'm like well much like only fans of met for men I don't support it either you know like you don't even watch it ladies yeah and I'm not watching guys and only fan I'm not giving them money so I get it but some dudes are doing well in there I guess yeah but women women really make up yeah you're right gay dudes will pay dudes are supporting dudes are keeping only fans afloat yeah for other dudes and women yeah you're right I told Mark I said that uh you know for women what's worse an unsolicited dick pic or watching the WNBA and I was like well with Brittany Griner you get both that was definitely gonna grown but I'll try it um yeah I like the first part of that where it's like which is which would you rather watch yeah uh if I send you a link of either you ain't opening it you want to meet someone without that true yes um although I've been watching I watched some WNBA yesterday because the Liberty are [ __ ] good right now so to be honest Stewart's a stud ah they're they're not they're playing the Barclays again they're back they were in the MSG for a while they weren't selling tickets they got thrown to Westchester now they're in Brooklyn again so wow you know they should have uh this is gonna get offensive but it'd be more fun if the names were feminine like the the Cleveland craps you know like the uh the Memphis menopause or something like that you know let's get it let's go all the way the Phoenix you know what you did yeah Sacramento do I look fat in this oh man Racine used to have the best joke remember micro scenes joke about worst pedophile a pedophile Joker hear the whole thing about like this guy is the worst pedophile that was the headline but it turned out he molested like 47 kids really sounds like the best pedophile his bit was like the worst pedophile can't get his van to start yeah he's giving kids circuit circus peanuts is candy WNBA WNBA cards that's a good that's a good angle killer killer bit Mike you were seeing funny bit we should put our money where our mouth is and go to one of these WNBA games I would go I've been I like it I love basketball and they're getting paid so little that it's pure love of the game yeah I mean it's literally the mascot for the Denver Nuggets makes 625 000 a year the highest paid WNBA player it's like 235. oh wow not even a thousand two dollars and 35 cents a year if you change no can I yell at them as I would yell at a male you suck you're you're a piece of [ __ ] but a lot of the insults that male games don't work at the WNBA games like yeah you get paid so much and this is how you perform you can't say it oh yeah that's two or two on the nose yeah the insults got to be like you make what you deserve yeah playing like this that's the insult yeah I'm just gonna go out there with a big pot and a spoon and go hello I have no dinner joking idiot all right but yeah hey good stuff but yeah Australia highly recommend it it's really a special place and it's clean and it's safe I have a breakdown of what the difference between Australia and America is because they're better than us in a lot of ways they're clean everything there's no graffiti there's no garbage everything's safe there's way less crime they don't have guns they don't have the opioid crisis but it's all like this in Australia very regular very mediocre here we got highs and lows we got the guy doing heroin under the overpass but we also have Steve Jobs we have exceptionalism which does come with you know uh some some poverty and some horrible school shooting and all that but we also have these giant great actors and and Hollywood and then the the Freedom Tower and all this [ __ ] and Joey Chestnut they don't have that you know they they're all very even keeled yeah I thought that I thought that would well I know they're really you really forced Chestnut in there in terms of the industry you know we got LeBron James over here you know we got I I totally get what you're saying you need the highs for the lows yeah we got Clooney yeah they got nobody they got they got the regular guy who's who's nice and he goes to work and he has a he's a good to his family but you're right no and I understand for you got the inspiration because this is new to you but if you were always there maybe you wouldn't hit that level of inspiration like there is something about how fast-paced New York is like yeah always kind of get material and you know uh when I'm in a slower place I don't feel I don't feel the inspiration exactly exactly which helps for you know letting art in and creativity in but that's why they all leave they got Jim Jefferies who's a talented funny guy he got the [ __ ] out but he came up in the UK I think I think you're right I think he came with UK so yeah but now he's massive in Australia because he's one of their own exactly but they hated him like Ronnie Chang told me I was texting with him when I was over there he's like they never appreciated me they never gave me a spot yeah yeah he's like [ __ ] them I don't know if I'm supposed to say that he says it all over his Instagram oh okay okay Singapore in Australia oh all right great because they never gave him a chance and then he comes here he's flourishing he's got multiple Netflix special he's on The Daily Show he's doing this he's doing that so you gotta get out it's like kind of a small town feel in this giant beautiful city we did uh we did a two-week run on the bus and it was it was excellent it was my last bus run of the Year probably but it was you know we started in Hampton Beach New Hampshire Portland Maine Foxwoods and Connecticut you know the casino though we go down and we hit like uh all over the south I mean started in Richmond Virginia but then we really started getting it like the Memphis Chattanooga Knoxville wow you know Birmingham Alabama are these places you wouldn't normally get to I mean Birmingham I don't believe they have maybe they have a club I don't know but I know Knoxville does yeah I've never been uh uh Birmingham it was great yeah did you sell it in Memphis I know that's a tough Market I did fine sell it out but I did it was a big room it was a big you know for that City and it was it was a great show oh great that's when we were like but then like the people that come out are [ __ ] happy are there yeah so you know Chattanooga I mean Knoxville might have been the best show of the Year wow is that right they were on fire it was like it's so good I was watching veteran I'm like man he's doing well this is a weird change and uh he's killing no he's just ripping and uh I was like ooh it's gonna be good I think I have a good feeling all right it's in your energy level when you fly into let's say Memphis or when you drive in the night before like dude I feel better when we take the bus I sleep you know what's great about the tour buses you get uh you you get sleep I mean I I sleep on the bus you have a day in that City yeah so if you if you I got you know these other ones I I fly in we take a runner it's like you're traveling that day yeah whereas if you sleep you're just like okay I'm that was my sleep I'm that is pretty great and they know what it says but the airport takes it out of you even if you just got an easy flight everything is on time you got to find your gate you got to check in you got to go through security you got to take your shoes off you gotta find your seat and all those little things and then now boarding you gotta listen to the [ __ ] security and all that [ __ ] and then then you finally land and you gotta get an Uber all that [ __ ] adds up meant a lot it's a lot of things and and you can kind of just shut off when you have a bus you're like yeah I could think about jokes we'd wake up and go to the at to the Y and just hoop and it's a good way to start at least play it every day I rolled my ankle on the last day [ __ ] sad old man I was playing well because it was like day 12 in a row of me playing so I was like hitting shots I was like I'm [ __ ] rolling right now and this one kid was so fast and he and I just like trying to keep up with him on one and I was like [ __ ] damn oh we gotta guess this hey look who's early hello how's it going what's up man please join us sit down right in yeah boy you smell good you do it that was a nice smell Mark farted a minute ago yeah that really that really helped I came to clear it out I can't wear cologne I feel I feel like too immature my dad wore it what I don't know I'm a child you look at me my son splashes on clothes I'm fine he's 12. you've been doing it since a 12 year old yeah that's a hot kid he stays in my cologne all the time really uh I gotta grow up I put a suit on I feel weird I don't know I feel we're in the suit now mainly because I'm fatter than I used to be I used to fit all my suits oh [ __ ] then you know something happened around the road I didn't want to say anything and black is living it is no the clothes are slimming I just got it got it it's as fat as I am if I was later is it just doing the road all the time and just eating crap because that's what what does it for me I feel like I was in better shape yeah I think so I I think it's chocolate no it's like I go on I go on these chocolate binges and it's it's ridiculous that's not a bad advice you could be doing a Oxycontin you know I would be slim not to bring up cotton but uh oh there we go that's a rum punch how you know I like rum punches hey come on oh man that's my drink of choice outside of a frozen margarita really oh that's a good one too yeah I'm a margarita guy really I love a frozen margarita dark liquor doesn't fare well for me I haven't made a lot of good decisions on Hennessy there's no Pleasant Hennessy Story the only survival stories yeah right that's true I I tried the Hennessy I couldn't do it maybe it's the The Honky in me but I I couldn't couldn't get over it it just tasted too weird did you say honky yeah I haven't heard that I'm trying to bring it back like and I think last time I already I was six my uncle just randomly said it that's right that's right so you I mean you've been doing comedy a long time right yeah 25 years yeah very ancient wow damn 25 years where'd you start um just joking comedy Cafe Houston Texas oh [ __ ] oh yeah you're a Houston Richmond yeah I'm a Houston guy damn is he improv there then or no no it was a club called spellbinders at the time and then they moved um where the Improv used to be the Improv though so spellbinders moved they had a rain forest at the bottom like a Rainforest restaurant so the Improv bought that bought out spellbinders and then it's just been improv ever since okay that's a great comedy town but there was a place called joke joint yeah the joke joint that was a rough room I got I got my ass kicked in that place that why would you at the joke joint I was such a low-level comedian that I they said we'll have you for 18 and I said I'll be there I did it for 16 in Minnesota oh yeah the joke joint was in Minnesota it was in Minnesota that was like their C room it was like Acme was like the hot room they had the Mall of America room and then they had the joke joint and I remember eating [ __ ] I was getting Heckle for like an hour 40. I had too much pride to get off stage but I wasn't handling it well yeah and the owner got off he's like that was just terrible I was like well my defensure paying me [ __ ] right this is what you get was it oh man see it not mancia um what was the guy's name oh I'm a Hispanic guy yeah yeah the joke joint yeah he was all 45 and like Fuquay like almost to Galveston nobody yes nobody was coming out like y'all went to the only comedy club that I've never been in you're like in Houston outside of going there for a to watch somebody in a competition They begged me to come and I got a loss going I was like you know in my own Hometown I was like yo where's this place it was way out of like East Houston or whatever it was right off the highway and it was a bunch of Hispanic guys with cowboy hats yes it was my audience yes and they hated me yeah they would have hated me as well that was a Juan Villarreal room like Juan Villarreal can come there and just sell out for like two months exactly I had a friend years ago uh run on opened for you and he was like this dude's really funny I remember he was telling me this guy Ali said he was really funny and it was at the Syracuse Funny Bone and I remember he goes this is the worst [ __ ] room or I'm watching this dude on on the table just like the wait staff is being loud and they're talking through your set and you and you said something along the lines of like you guys aren't doing nothing for me to the wait staff and I was like oh I like that guy I like that he like called him out for talking to his set it's like yeah the I think the weight staff was being loud the people were being loud and it's got I remember that night this guy um I was gonna beat the [ __ ] out this dude cause he he got his him and his wife was awk and I'm like yo man Take It Outside yeah and then you go what you got to do about I don't have nothing to do with your argument I'm gonna go outside yeah I'm trying to do a show and then I say don't get mad at me because she didn't walk out on you and it was awful and then the next day um because the wait staff can really make a room oh yeah shitty I know great if they know how to take an order if they know how to be quiet they help so much like how do you stay if you see that people are looking at me why are you standing straight up in front of them yes well they can't see me you know so yeah go go [ __ ] yourself and then you feel bad yelling at them because you're like well I don't piss the staff off and have them turn on me so it's a tough spot and I tip the staff in clubs at the end like the whole staff just washes everybody I tip everybody I'm like damn can y'all help me out we co-workers yeah exactly if somebody do be rude to you I'ma say now you blocking me from just like I'm doing the show the lady doing this trying to look around get your ass out the way I know and it's sold out you're making money lady goodbye I don't know if anyone's selling out that room yeah baby dad that was a tough one like one night okay yeah I think they canceled all other nights Syracuse is it's like oh it's I I beat him up pretty good though it it took me I want that maybe like five times I went to Syracuse five times that's like nam I did four tours and I thought they just started rolling in like oh Ali is coming again yeah yeah Syracuse that's the one that's one of the ones you shirk on the calendar and you're like [ __ ] hey I'll just get through it yeah that in Albany OH similar why don't you leave Albany the Crowds Are Better than than true Syracuse but like whenever you're in a mall you're like I feel [ __ ] corny what about um Levity Live it's another once you leave the city it's like those are like the weirdest crowds sometimes yeah they in you like people coming out of Target and like yeah he's here exactly I don't have a lot of overlap with Auntie Anne's pretzels that's who's coming in you know it's some it's some places that some comedy clubs that are awful because the bar is in the showroom and while you're performing oh man like the blender hey um hey that's your frozen margarita that you ordered hey I'm working no I know right who's at the comedy store yeah in La Jolla that's a good room though I love the room great room but it's a lot of it's a lot of martinis being shooking back there I know yeah um which they don't have that at Hamilton this is the only art form will you hear that [ __ ] but that but that room there's something magical about that room where like it is hard not to crush that that's a great room it's a great room I think it's it's so simple yeah they they it's not a lot going on it's popcorn and drinks because San Diego is just good it's just good for comedy 10 minutes away is the beach it's beautiful beach the the seal like I took my family um this time the first time I went I went by myself manager I took my family this time and everything was going well there at the beach they doing everything and for some reason we forget that um we have a daughter that's allergic to seafood and my my the lady who live in my house affects me what I call her she she calls me and says hey they were playing with crab and all this and immediately I'm like wait a minute playing with crap what was what was Hanan oh she was over there too so everything is going well and then she calls me where do you have to go it's like to the emergency room Hanan looks like mask right now she's I'm talking about her whole head was swollen it was crazy that's like a 15 minute delay she just playing with crab with her brother Optimus she looks like like somebody just start pumping air oh my God it was crazy so on the all the pictures of the vacation it looks like she's being extra fly because she has all these pink um these pink flower Shades yeah no we're hiding that we have a swollen job I can't believe your kid is Jewish that's crazy no shellfish man yeah I want to see those pics I ruined myself graduation photos because I I was in like seventh grade and I puked I drank so much I puked so hard that all the blood vessels in my face popped so every family photo it looks like I have freckles but it's literally blood vessels in my face that's how much I puked damn I remember that as a kid they'd get the red eye you know the bloody eye yeah those were I got knocked out in college and I had to take a photo two days later and I had the biggest like egg like a brown egg on my face under my eye was brutal so I'm just hugging my mom like you know I'm like 19 just big old knocked out yes Mardi Gras it was uh it was a wild time what you was going to skip past The Knockout story well I'll give the click I got knocked out but me and my family was taking pictures what happened quick version we're all out drinking you ever been to Mardi Gras in New Orleans I'm from Houston okay drive right away several times good point all right I still have vomit on the street so we're on St Charles being like five friends or whatever and this kid catches a spear and you catch a spear that's the number one you know Big Ticket item and these college kids were going hey kid give me the spear and they're pulling it and he's like that's my Spears like a 10 year old kid and we're like hey let's give the kids a spear what are you doing and to like who the hell are you guys and it was probably like you know nine of them and we're like well you just you know you're bullet this kid and then they're like what are you gonna do about it and one of them pushed me and like out of a movie he had the friend behind me doing this [ __ ] and so I fell right over him and then I'm on the ground getting wailed on and then my look up you know you see your friends getting beat up they're outnumbering us and uh I remember a vivid memory of being on the sidewalk and I see my friend also laying down and he's getting his face stepped on by a Doc Martin he's like preppy Polo wearing frat guys so uh before I know it the cops come they break everything up and we're all good we're like that was crazy holy [ __ ] we're wiping grass off us that was wild and then one of them goes I think that's one of the guys and he was running up from uh the other way and I went huh and he hit me with a running start went out pissed myself and uh woke up on the lawn to all my friends fighting and I was just like uh and that was it they all just walked away like Cobra Kai out you sound like [ __ ] dweebs yeah they they suck did the kid did they get the spear they never got the spear so we saved the kid I could have used that spear though I'm thinking he need to help you with it nothing he was 10 but I had a big old big old rock on my face I had a black I had a good black eye before yeah real good one real Shiner got I got a Bob Marley festival oh yeah yeah back turn dude stole me hit me now and I beat the [ __ ] out of him but my eye was swelling up wow he called me pretty good he's just a sucker punch for no reason well when I found out later what was behind is basically still for no reason behind us with this this girl misinterpreted something I said and he told him and the [ __ ] was totally not what I said yeah and he took her word and he stole me damn I beat his ass twice though like I was I was I beat his ass then and then I saw him again and I beat his ass again I'm like because I was still on this the Fairway like my back was turned damn that must have sucked for him to see you again dude named Richard I beat his ass wow how'd you get his name yeah I knew him I already knew it oh you knew it yeah he was a he was a rapper that was what happened was at this show he's rapping pretty decent artists at the time and I'm sitting there and all I said was man this would be better if he had some dances like if he had like a stage show yeah so whatever she goes and tell him like I said he sucked or something oh [ __ ] and then so he took the event but yeah in long story short he don't rap anymore either that's how long that career lasted yeah well Richard the ass whooping you know you lose a lot of street cred if you're a rapper and a comedian beats the [ __ ] out of here this was I was young I was still I hadn't even went to prison yet so I was still in the streets just in the streets I'll go to prison when I was 19. oh wow that's pretty hard so young yeah damn but when you walked in they're like that's the guy beat up Richard he had a little cred yeah it's man I still I think I'm still mad about that if I just thought about it if I wanted a rich I'd whip his ass again I can steal her like I've never been cool with us with the Sucker Punch have you ever lost a fight um it's okay we're all friends here that's okay I'ma say yes okay I'ma say I was okay this is how I lost all right so I lost because I did something my father told me never to do he told me never slap a man while he's down so I'm a I'm a train boxer like I oh really fighter okay so I get into it with this dude named Rich cat while I'm locked up in the county jail I get it I get into a rich cat and how old are you here I'm 19. I'm just in the county and I get I drop Rich cat and I'm listening to the people on the sideline and somebody say slap his ass and I slap Rich cat and man I don't know what happened after that but I know it was it's eight still tables in the day room yeah and he introduced me to all eight of these wow I don't know it's like when I slap them I don't know how my arms got by my side it's like he grabbed me because he was down his knees when I slapped him and he's like he grabbed me and picked me up and he's like I want a roller coaster it's like he was a boom and every time I stopped you just slam me on the table and the last table I just went I just came just and he stood over me don't you ever [ __ ] slap me and I said yes sir so I won the first half and I lost the second from the southwest side of Houston wow so how long were you in prison six years that's a long [ __ ] time yeah like four years from a decade I thought about that the other day I'm like damn four more years that have been 10 years yeah 10 is nice nice round number no I I don't know I didn't need a knife as well if you if you don't know let's just Round Up to make this up a fat number here what uh charge yeah what was it drug trafficking they call it delivery delivery delivery of a controlled substance it's not delivery it's cocaine damn now we have so many different Delivery Systems but yeah that's something this guy right here yeah he's on it and he makes a good oh yeah it's good as [ __ ] so you uh you how do you get into that oh drug dealer yeah oh it's kind of like a neighborhood thing you know like you know you meet some money yeah hey you want to sell drugs actually just being outside with my with my friends like let me not say my friends people who are outside and you just happen to be in the neighborhood Who because my mom had a job I didn't have to sell drugs like to take care of my family and my mom had a great job I was just outside being a [ __ ] knucklehead yeah and decided hey let's pick up being a pharmaceutical a street pharmaceutical rep you know and did you did you start with the weed and then move up to code no straight we wasn't a big thing back then like I don't I didn't I don't think I knew anybody who was selling weed oh really I think that was like a giveaway right right we started I started with what they call a 50 pack a 50 pack of Coke really but my father sold Coke oh [ __ ] powder when it was in powder form yeah you know before crack you know it was like everybody was too neat he used to sell to a bunch of lawyers so I thought it was like a real Upper Crust type of thing at the time that when crack was different crack bad thing yeah yeah Coke's still around yeah Coke is still around yeah crack is out Crack is out and then like you know Whitney said he crack his whack yeah you know yeah so was your dad doing this when you were doing it or no no my dad was my dad owned a carrier service and just happened to just be selling powdered cocaine at the time out of cocaine and speed damn it's like that Mitch Hedberg joke uh FedEx is a drug dealer I don't even know it yeah yeah wow so we had a carrier service and he sold I mean that's a perfect combo Perfect combo that's probably how you get it but it's very trustworthy guy though you said it was mostly lawyers it was mostly attorneys that's right did he ever get in trouble for it no my dad never went to jail for um code so how did you get popped how I get pop oh some miscellaneous people not paying attention uh he's a guy named Moe he if he would have paid attention to what I told him yeah I'll talk about this in domino effect too the the special yeah I tell the story about how we got busted because the feds busted us they weren't even they wasn't really even looking for us this guy named Uh Kevin is who they was trying to bust Kevin came to us for the product uh and just so happened they tapping him he he needed five kilos and we was like okay cool we'll we'll give it to you um but we gonna go on a deal so when I went on the deal with them I went in the room and I was the first person in to count the money which which I always was and while I'm counting the money I'm like yo um but why does what's these Bank numbers what's these numbers on the money and dude talking about these them Bank numbers from the Franklin Bank I'm like Franklin Bank but he said out of New Orleans and I just left New Orleans I'm like maybe it's a Franklin Bank in New Orleans and I didn't see it yeah but Franklin 1301 Franklin is the county jail oh okay so interesting now I knew that it was confusing yeah that's pretty confusing and not that well not once I heard Franklin yeah I'm like no I don't and then the money was it was not Drug Money there was no way this could be drug money I've been I've been selling drugs I was 14. so I know I know what drug Wayne look like drug money don't come in hundreds and 50s yeah yeah so it's no 20s no tens no fives no ones uh and it's not like I've never sold a kilo of dope to somebody before it's like I know how this money go it's gonna take a minute for us to count it yeah so I knock on the table I three I will signature thing knock three times then that mean everybody let's go we're not even doing a deal so I told Mo that it was the feds I say tell Charles don't come to that parking this parking lot with the dope but I had the whole day I had been saying so I'm like yo man why it's 12 o'clock we at this we're at this Motel nobody's checking out of this Motel like this ain't weird yeah like the whole time I keep saying stuff and nobody's paying attention to me right right so your spidey sense is tingling because it doesn't make none of this is making sense to me uh but no one else is it's so weird that they're doing this and they're not at all paranoid it yeah and to this day when when me and Kevin me and Kevin talk about it Kevin's like man none of us would have had to go to prison if we would have just been listening to you Moe was this was like pushing off what I was saying because he was older than me but I've been selling drugs longer than him I'm like yo man listen this doesn't this don't feel right so tell Charles don't come in his parking lot next thing I know Charles is in the parking lot he on the high speed chase feds jump out of everywhere I'm running through this field wow and it this [ __ ] was just bad and next thing we know we locked up wow going to court for we going we went to court we went to court for about seven eight months what's that process like when did they just stick you with a lawyer and no I I had I had um enough money to get look I had a lot of money I wasn't like a street level guy a lot of money so the price of a key today I have no idea I don't I don't keep up I don't keep it with no type of drug I don't even know how much aspirin costs I don't do any yeah so I'm holding if you need me it's the the thing about at that time in the 90s early 90s it was a different it was just a different style of doing business in the early 90s now late when once I you know the late 90s but I missed when I really think about it I missed damn near all the night I didn't I didn't get out to 97. oh wow October I didn't miss that much Jordan ran through the NBA ran through the inside line had a few hits I missed biggie I miss biggie and pop wow you know what's crazy when I say that that's when people say wow what you miss biggie and Pop I was trying to make you feel better but today Forrest Gump was pretty good Pulp Fiction it was a good decade people people be talking about things that happened in like 91 92 93 94 95 97 like man I lost you literally missed Michael Jordan's entire run I saw it you missed are you a Houston Rockets fan you missed both their titles right probably watching in the jail maybe we watch it we watching the jail but I've never been I've only been a Nick fan so I'm in a Texas prison a lot of Houston people there the Knicks are playing the rockets and I am going in I'm on it's me and two other guys with the Knicks so Rockets lose do you understand what it's like walking into the cafeteria the next morning when the rockets look like like it wasn't just myself with my block that I was on people was like ah you got your ass but the rest of the prison knew that I was going for the Knicks [ __ ] on the record it was like a parade when I walked in to that cafeteria they're like I'm like I can't even eat in peace I'm like [ __ ] little hand ass Patrick Ewing look good get the job done I was like this is some [ __ ] wow what would I mean how oh don't please don't pull this up this is my first this is like my first sports memory and it really hurts what year 94. oh damn 94.95 it was crazy I mean how how scared were you in prison or I mean what was like day to day like who was gay were you were you not scared there all right I don't know come on what are you talking to I'm gonna fight yes but what people were people in there did you see like fear when you're looking around other people were scared of people away not you I'm like man I'm I've never been raised to be scared of nobody I got you they was like either we gonna fight or we gonna whatever but I was you know I was in the streets so I'm a street dude so it and I'm on the street dude that came up fighting like it wasn't my era of drug dealing had nothing to do with guns all right I think people forget that we it was like a lot of Honor amongst these it wasn't a lot of gun play buying drugs back then yeah you know it was just all fair business so if I got into with somebody I'm just a straight we just gonna fight but in prison you have apprehensions of somebody but I had uncles that already had been in that was like yo man this is what you do keep yourself a lot of advice what else did they say what are the first thing is keep keeping to yourself and somebody say something to you if you feel threatened you you swing first wow you go first you don't never let no don't nobody come in yourself a lot of things about keeping your door um locked when you imprint but they because they pop your doors in the morning like when you get up in the like four something in the morning they pop the door it's best that you get up when they pop the door and you close your door back whoa it's no telling man I've seen people get ran in on yeah and what's crazy is I wouldn't even scared when I got transferred like so you you say you will start somewhere right and then you'll get transferred to other prisons so if you were scared if you were scared on Torres Unit if you get sent to Darrington you scared all over again uh-huh I would say one is a one is a um a minimum yeah you have a minimum then you have a medium skill then you have a Max then you have a super max I'm saying so but everybody bleed like you hmm that's the thing it's not like it's a person here made of something other than what you made of true so my whole ideology is man if you do something to me imma do something to you I don't know my wife's a bleeder but that's a whole other thing yeah that's monthly but yeah but no that's a good point yeah we're all just people but what if somebody's big and then they they're muscly and then they have crazy training you went to you went to high school oh yeah you played Sports in high school not really skateboarding okay well is is some skateboarders are bigger than other skateboard that's true not the same size as Tony Hawk no he's six five yeah so if you're on the skateboard thing and Tony taking skateboard you gonna let him take a skateboard are you gonna like you're gonna say something hopefully yeah I play I play basketball I'm a point guard you know how many centers I've been hitting the face right you know I mean I was a I was a free safety and then when I played football you know how many defensive ends I didn't got into it you got to give me some tips what's a move I can do why are you planning to go to prison anytime soon yeah you never know am I gonna pop for [ __ ] a kid you know you gotta give me something and and we've been demonetized on YouTube sorry it just happened I'm joking by the way no one no one who actually [ __ ] a kid gives a warning like that that's true no one if you did go to president bugging the kid they go all they gonna do is put you in a on a safe side of the prison where you can flourish and and be away from marriage so if you're going down for drugs you should [ __ ] a kid yeah there you go right on the safe side get to the safe side I'll get drunk driving something you know shoplifting something they'll get me with something you know we're great thinking and you get a drunk driving they'll put you in prison with the most violent people in the world you got a [ __ ] a drunk driver yeah he was a sex offender or molester they'll put you on a whole other end of a prison where you buy yourself and you safe isn't that weird because crazy because they expect these people to get the [ __ ] kicked out of them oh yeah and they and then and it's gonna happen um you can't come to prison for a rape or molestation murder murdering a child killing old people killing women hmm and people just know you can't like hide that I guess right you can't there's no way to hide everybody know what you mean that'd be a hard conversation in the cafeteria where you're like I'm in for drugs you're like funny story I [ __ ] the kid I feel terrible but oh yeah it's gonna get it's gonna get bad yeah yeah you yeah it's gonna get bad all right I I would I would I would tell anybody yeah it's gonna get bad okay did you team up with it did uh were the guys you went down with in the same prison as you no hell no I Charles the guy who I was I was partners with me and Charles had one discussion Maybe [ __ ] I'ma say about eight years ago and it was the discussion didn't go well uh because I saw his wife his ex-wife and his daughter at this club and being helpful I walked the cake out because it was somebody's birthday party and I walked the cake I walked the cake to the car yeah everybody know whoever walks the cake out that's who [ __ ] the um somebody yeah that's the only guy who's walking at the end of night with the cake he's he's the man yeah so I'm not even thinking about that I'm just walking the cake out and I put the cake in their car and I'm gone I get a phone call the next day uh-oh hey you um you trying to [ __ ] with my ex-wife I said who is this Charles and I was so offended I was like hey bro why would I be trying to [ __ ] with Roxanne um what like why your daughter Alicia was there like why would I said Charles man let me tell you something remember what I used to do for you when we was in the streets I do that for myself if I get another phone call like this it's gonna be a problem oh boy and we never we never spoke again Charles knew I'm not playing that dumb [ __ ] with him um I like that yeah I'm like are you are you [ __ ] serious like right now why would I why would I want your ex-wife that'd be great if you started going in on her you're like she's gross yeah I don't find her attractive but the thing is she's very attractive oh okay she's a very attractive and she was she was like that when we was she he had the type of wife yeah that Roxanne was so [ __ ] fine like so funny [Laughter] so like so super like the other people that used to be in the crew with us she would walk into the room and most people just close their eyes like because you don't want y'all to see you look at it but it's it's impossible of course is she the type of woman you would bring a cake out for you would take several cakes out oh damn okay she is yeah and at the time Roxanne had to be like [ __ ] 60. whoa and she was still together wow okay let me say how much together she was she was the queen of for the um for Trinidad in the in the in the in the carnival she was the she was the head lady oh yeah you know they always [ __ ] bill they gotta wear that little costume yeah oh it's crazy wow Roxanne Roxanne Rock on the red light yeah holy [ __ ] I'm never bringing a kick out again I didn't know that was what that implied Happy Father's Day yeah no that's not her okay oh damn what are the odds oh it may be fine yeah but yeah no didn't want to no does it is it like the movies where the the Hispanic guys are over here the black guys over here the Aryan race Syrian Nation guys over there pretty much WoW but it but everybody still has to interact with each other because we all work together right it's not like I'm in the laundry with all black people it's like there's a bunch of people work everywhere like Boot factory laundry the field the kitchen you work everywhere but it's it's a it's a race thing sometimes sure it happens pitching here can you say if there was drug dealing inside prison as well I I can say a lot of things about inside bro I'm not in there no more they ain't like they gonna find me yeah there's a lot of drug dealing in there brought in by mostly the officers there you go wow yeah and it let me say it's a lot of different trades that go on in prison every Everything is what's like highest currency versus like whatever oh man highest currency is cigarettes oh I heard it was ramen noodles I've read that somewhere nah ramen noodles no that it's not even close it's like cigarettes so cigarettes to the top what else cigarettes coffee coffee okay let me say this I'm gonna put coffee over cigarettes yeah me too I'm gonna put coffee over cigarettes because three bags of coffee get you killed like somebody like I could put a hit on you for three bags of coffee damn wow all right good coffee coffee envelopes stamps what yeah yeah the Staples in there yeah because because stamps for you to write home envelopes right home that makes sense yeah so I'm gonna go coffee envelope stamps um cigarettes I didn't think about the envelopes um sweets yeah that's a big one sweet what about porn like a magazine nah um it is way better it's female offices for that you guys you know let me tell you something I'll bring her a cake attraction attraction is is different when you locked up what you attracted to with your your level right now because you in a free Society you got all these choices but when you incarcerated no no 80 a 89 year old woman with tight pants on is a [ __ ] model hear that Martha Stewart I believe oh let me tell you what it what would it get your ass whooped though um it's like this is what I was first introduced to her my name is Denise Austin Denise Austin is she the workout woman the workout the Pilates woman if you know she wasn't doing Pilates then she was just a workout with blonde one hydration isn't just for marathon runners regular people uh okay sorry that was there's no period there hydration isn't just for marathon runners regular people who just sit on their couches and you just stay hydrated too or alcoholics or people who just it's a hot summer whatever you need liquid IV's got you 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not a lot of not a lot of Curves going on here not a lot of ass oh man yeah but she's hot I mean I'm into it Austin assuming in a prison this do you know what I'm saying he just said an 89 year old woman is appealing oh yeah this is [ __ ] this Denise right now yeah look this thing you've been like I'm gonna invite her to a show oh this could be a this could be a love connection you've been locked up for two years you ain't seen up you've been around nothing but dudes and she's on TV in the morning I'm into it meanwhile she's 89 today you got a shot how old is she really how old is she how old is she right she's not 89.89 I bet you a million dollars when she was doing those squats she wasn't thinking boy and that Franklin prison I am cleaning up [ __ ] [ __ ] oh look at this look at this black look at this look at that oh shoot a gun oh it would have been all type of problems I bet she still looks good though she looks great [ __ ] Denise Austin is still hot yeah looking good Denise Denise Austin is still [ __ ] hot yeah you don't want to turn that TV off oh yeah you get your ass up turning so what was an average hat and then Kai lente went oh oh on um oh oh Telemundo oh yeah Kyle I think they came on oh you get your ass pull her up I want to see because that that telemundo's got some smoking hot ladies those Latinas they're all Bombshells what um what was an average day like in prison I'm sorry we're asking so many questions about this but this is fascinating oh wait a minute hold on we got kayente coming up he's gonna be distracted is that her no this is just the show this is how the show come on oh really yeah this is nothing to sneeze at either I mean that was a joke come on it's just probably just some loose performer but all the rest of the dances that's around in there oh look at this what is going what's going on this is hot yeah yeah wow I gotta go to Spain hey this was what in the 90s yeah remember that show MTV grind and they would just grab this lady right here in his white bikini all you're doing is waiting to get a close-up shot of any of this yeah you take this back to you you take this back to yourself okay oh yeah you take these memories back to yourself yeah [Laughter] guys would [ __ ] a wet paper towel or wet toilet paper roll who these guys I think I heard that on a one-person show or something what it was was um maybe Tyson no the the toilet paper roll and you pack it with pla it's a plastic thing you put you put vaseline it's also and then some dudes would put like a warm it would be like a warm water bag like yeah like you put hot water in it and you could put it inside the the it was a weird [ __ ] there you go they was doing some weird [ __ ] yeah I mean it's basically like me when I was 13. I was [ __ ] the couch I was [ __ ] the bed I'd [ __ ] bicycle seat a Kleenex box a sleeve of a jacket you know my house was ruined your dad never wore his coats jacket yeah I was looking for anything what did you have a cellmate there yeah sometimes I did sometimes I put them out but other times I would keep a good one that's got to be tough it is it was some weird yeah what's it like meeting a cellmate like how does that first interaction go oh this [ __ ] sucks it's like you you have a um yeah somebody ever open for you that you after this yeah like just some random guy from Toledo right he's coming I'm Brent and I'm hoping to be it's like that it's just like that like get the [ __ ] out of here yeah yeah over here either way they're like take me with you in this green room with me but that guy's opening for you for six years exactly actually just he opened it for you until you decide you're gonna put him out yourself like I think that and I and I I probably like to apologize to this guy named Brian for this this white guy named Brian I'm not a person I don't like to hear urine into a toilet but I [ __ ] hate the sound of it and I used to tell I said hey man you gotta you gotta sit down to use the restroom because I don't want your floor is important sure because you keep your floors shine so you don't want urine splashing out the toilet on the floor and all over your steel and stuff and I said hey and then he had a a prostate issue or something to where his urine would just drip out and I was like say man you gonna have to sit the [ __ ] down man yeah and and one night he was up and it was and I was asleep and I just heard this [ __ ] noise and I gotta I said yo man pack your [ __ ] up man you got to move in the morning you got to you got to move man and he's like what I said man you got to move in the morning when they roll the doors for breakfast you gonna have to tell them officers that you need to move mm-hmm and if you don't then the next thing you do I'm gonna I'm gonna make it till you gotta move damn that's when the other [ __ ] come in that's when you know you you gotta give somebody a black eye you gotta you gotta it's be some Screaming coming from yourself right but you don't want to do that you kind of just want people just to move or move around and he didn't want to move at first and I I pressed the issue uh-oh and then I felt bad like he got a real he got moved to another sale and then every time I seen I saw him he was he had a black eye all the time that's because he's dripping all day I was like yo man um and I asked him I'm like yo what's going on with you if Sally was beating him up just just like starting him beating him up yeah and the the worst thing is I beat his Sally up and told him don't extort him hey wow that's nice but people thought I was I was like his protector after that but I wasn't I was like I just don't I've never been that guy to take advantage of somebody you know I've always done Fair even when I was doing illegal business I did it fair I've never jumped in about I've never actually even started the fight yeah I finished a lot of them I've never started one so and then I've never liked bullies yeah so that's that's that's a that's a real thing with me like even now as a grown man like if I saw somebody bullying somebody I like fighting enough to step in and like hey what's up yeah yeah like why do they got to do what what what what God damn it got something to do with me now right like it could be not even a person I know I'm like this is my good friend I don't even know this person yeah but I'm not I've never been uh a bully guy got to take advantage of somebody good that's a good peeve maybe we can segue into your peeves Mark you got any good job we do pet peeves on the show but that's a good one the guy pissing uh into the bowling and Bullies so two peeves yeah I got bullied growing up so that's nice to hear oh yeah should have been friends with me I will I wish I'd have waited I'd have set people up look look look why don't you why don't you go pull that guy over there beat him up yeah never liked them no I bring you a cake out of uh gratitude I appreciate that guys before we get to Mark's piece I just ask you how did that go down with that guy who who beat the [ __ ] out of the guy who you know who beat up your Excel man oh the mixing guy was a Mexican guy but how did you just you just approach him it's like stop both no I I asked him I said hey um I've done this twice it was one guy named white dog and then it was Brian I said hey man um I hit it too you you whooping on Brian see he's like man he's mine is what is his business of yours I said man you're a friend of mine and I don't I don't take common to that God I got tired of talking I don't want to keep explaining this [ __ ] yeah beat his ass up and I thought don't put his hands on it no more like and then I remember this this guy named white dog who I was in the county with right and white dog was out he like six three white guy real lanky cool ass [ __ ] white dude and I was like yo um we call it white dog man white dog and then he white dog gets sent to Torah we was on Torres Unit and said right outside of San Antonio hondu Texas and I saw him when he came on the unit because I was on I was on um seven building he was on four I'm like yo man what's up man you you just got to hit somebody Yeah man they got man they got me over here on four bills like cool next thing I see he said he he flagged me down he's like hey um it was this is weird to [ __ ] hey I don't know a lot of Spanish I think Marcelli and then talking about [ __ ] me whoa and I was like that's great to know just a little bit of Spanish I think I got a bad feeling about that word are you sure he's like man yeah I think they hey I said man don't don't trip on that don't trip on that I got you so I think we're on two different sides of the unit lasting word I say yo um this is my this is my guy if anybody put their hands on it's gonna be some problems and the word gets back like yo this is Ali's guy don't put your [ __ ] hands on so I went to the the assistant Ward and his name was Mendoza I say Mendoza um can I get two people transferred on the other side of the prison to like four building or I mean to like six building or seven building you think man what you got who I see this guy named white dog that's not his real name I'ma just show them to you and Dexter manly and he was like who the [ __ ] is Dexter Manley hmm I was like the great one of the greatest defensive ends of all uh for the [ __ ] Redskins oh means like we have an athlete on this unit I'm like you have [ __ ] Dexter manly yeah only so Dexter man who was locked up on Thor's unit too and he's on four building I gotta transfer to to um to the side that we was on oh what was he in for cocaine using damn Dexter man I was like No And the crazy thing is I remember when people thought Dexter Manley was gonna kill me um oh that's terrifying we did not we in the day room watching TV you know how ABC used to do these things about sports and they would have all these um they would be running these things by football players they were like they was running football players and it was they was like Dexter melee greatest defensive end of all right so Dexter I'm standing up watching the TV Dexter's sitting on this bench yeah behind the thing and we like this everybody watching TV and this is the commercial right before they go to commercial that man says this because this is when they used to do an echo for everybody all the time Dexter melon greatest defense end of all times times times time yeah yeah and this is me I'm standing up and I did it this snow too I said oh God I said now look at you and they thought Dexter was gonna [ __ ] kill me it just went upstairs and laid on his bunk right so he on his bunk and people keep talking to me tomorrow hey man um you need to go apologize to Dexter man I'm like I might [ __ ] apologize to Dexter man he's talking about man you heard Dexter I say I didn't [ __ ] hurt no goddamn Dexter manifest but people don't understand I know Dexter Dexter's from Houston yeah he's from my same neighborhood and I'm like Dexter man next thing [ __ ] man Dexter was so [ __ ] hurt right so I had to go upstairs and then so I said on this bump so next is like this he's like this and I come and I sit on this bunk and I'm like this I'm like hey oh I was just [ __ ] around man I was just playing with you and I put this on my children's life on my children Dexter did me just like this so I'm I'm like kind of right here so he did me like this he was like this no he wasn't anything like an angsty team to convince Dexter to come eat and go to the cafeteria and we walked in together and my and the people that's in my on my block was clapping talking about oh they made up I was man I was so disgusted Dexter was so sensitive damn that's hilarious The Gentle Giant and he the and he man this dude cocaine man was do you still know him yeah I saw Dexter maybe two years ago jogging oh wow and and Dex is a good dude man I'm just [ __ ] with him yeah but in in prison I was like that man I would just bother people well your comedian but no reason like right you know like I was just a but people don't want to say I grew up there I was a basically I was a kid all right you grew up in prison yeah I'm 19. and I I don't think people are saying this so my birthday October 17 1973 when I was born October 17th October 21st I am like I turned 19 and then four days later I'm in prison wow so I'm a child yeah so I'm still this goofy kid that still was jovial in the street so not really understanding the gravity sure of this place like that so Darrington unit dancing unit was the place that really gave me the understanding of how prison really works so this guy I don't know his name he I get to Darrington unit and Darrington is a Max and it's a guy he has a broomstick stuck in his side like to his side and the way this prison is built you it's too tight for them to put him on a gurney and bring him out because the the stick or just keep hitting on the ball right so he has to walk out wow so he's walking out and he's coming out the the sideways off the block right and I'm on Transit I'm just now getting here I'm I'm and they got us in a line and they got us stop and they're like we're bringing out an inmate everybody got to stop and I'm standing there and I'm the first person in line right so when he comes off the block he looks right at me and said it's wild in here youngster I'm like that's all you got is wow oh man that's [ __ ] crazy damn he got the spear conspiracy I'll be right back ah don't drip you better sit down it's got to be crazy to be Dexter manly and come out of prison your football team is a different name you know out of there the commanders but man that is terrifying you can't go back now you you've done your time you gotta you gotta fly right I have no intentions okay so I've been out 25 years right so I got I got arrested for a traffic warrant that I didn't know that I had oh no okay so I am I'm 43 I had to spend a night in jail right and this is the terrible thing I'm in a small town right Brazoria County I'm Brazoria County it's all white people yeah I've never heard of it all white people in jail and I'm thinking okay I'm cool nobody's gonna know I'm in here because this is all white guys I'm on the show this is not this is not happening this is not happening right yeah yeah white people clearly watch this show oh we love it and I have a mattress and I'm going to the thing because I got to stay here overnight and I am pissed you know why I gotta stay here with it I got arrested at nine something in the morning I'm arrested at nine so I get there it's about 9 15 when I get to the actual jail and I'm thinking okay I'm not gonna be in here alone you know why this is gonna be crazy to everybody I am the spokesperson for a bonds a bail bondsman company and the the slogan is if you go to jail we'll get you out Midtown Bail Bonds I am the the spokesperson for them yeah we have like 40 50 commercials that's running on the radio Midtown bail bond and when you go to jail we'll get you out it's all my voice I'm thinking clearly they're not gonna leave me in here right right man so I gotta get out right so I um I'm I'm being very arrogant Houston Texas Midtown bail bond I'm being very arrogant so I'm I'm not handcuffed they don't have a haircut and I'm sitting there and I'm talking to the officers and I'm like hey um hey my niece whenever y'all get Tony to use the phone I need to give him a phone call so I can get up out of here man yeah and they like what I said man I'm getting up out of here baby for show yeah um I'm I'm Midtown bail bond that's what I'm thinking and so I mean I'm they got me in this in this holding tank before they put me to hold the tank this man said hey um the CEO we need to get your shoe strings I said for what because we can't have you hanging yourself yeah that Al Rucker right there uh he said um we can't have you hang yourself I say man I don't know if y'all know but I'm on I'm on TV and I'm on the radio and I'm well to do yeah I'm not gonna hang myself behind a traffic ticket just know that yeah that's guaranteed they still took my strengths so I'm I'm in there and and I said hey I'm talking I'm like man I'm about to get out this [ __ ] anyway and I keep tapping on the window I was like yo see Yo um say man let me get my phone call so I can get up out of here I call my bell my Bail Bonds people and this little young white boy said you ain't gonna get out of here until in the morning now this is with my this is what my prison Penitentiary history kicks in I say first of all hey man stay out of my [ __ ] business because you don't know nothing about me Playboy and he said the white guy said well I mean I know nothing about you but I know everything about this jail because I've been here 21 times I've been in here 21 times and um it is 9 30. you're not gonna see a judge today uh I said 9 30 a.m why would I see a judge so the the sheriff call I said hey man I need to see the judge so I can get a bomb so I can get out of here he's saying the judge is done for the day I said at 9 30 I said he's done all the [ __ ] judging yeah he needs to do by 9 30. right I said okay I'm not gonna be not gonna be in all of this business what time did he start judging had to be like five yeah that's all judging Empire he's like no 8 30. nah he did an hour judge and that's it damn what is this Mayberry so where are we I mean this is a zoria County Missouri so I um had to spend that night and I am pissed so I'm going I'm carrying my matches right I can't remember matches on this side and I'm walking past all these cells and there's all these white dudes and I'm thinking okay anybody gonna know me and this white guy beating on the window boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom Ali Saidi City because I just did the prison rise story right and he's like yo man Messi got on boots and I ignore him and he's the one oh man aren't you Alex from this is not happening I said yeah man but this is not happening so I'm in there and overnight and I remember I'm 43. and I and I was I'm on this it's the same mattress that they had when I was 19. yeah and same steel bump and I can't get comfortable for [ __ ] I'm like damn this [ __ ] is [ __ ] horrible so is this guy rapping and I'm and I'm oh no pissed then this other guy yelling I need my insulin I need my insulin I'm like I forget how [ __ ] noisy jail is damn can't get no sleep so they come get me out at um like 5 20. hmm I'm going to see the judge just the next day I'm going to see the judge I'm see I see the judge at seven they give me a bond I call a bond company the bond company already they already knew that I was in there so they bought they already made my bond so I'm waiting to get out and I'm just thinking like damn and I'm talking to this guy and he's like yo man you lucky man you bout to get out I'm gonna be here for another three months I say why is that he said man I just got picked back up he just got out of jail for serving 180 days for no child support payment whoa they picked him back up after he got out of jail for no child support he just got done hey there how the hell is he gonna pay what he owes he just and his white guy was like man I said man how much you oh he's like fifteen hundred dollars oh my gosh and I was like that's it yeah my bond was 2500 yeah just paid the whole thing and got out and I went back I went back and I beat the case but it was the my back my back still hurts from that one night at 43 sleep on that [ __ ] mattress that mattress in that steel and I think it's a great time to go to our ad Casper thank you and I think back like how did I do it yeah all those years yeah I was in there younger like my body was different yeah you know I'm So Young I'm very pampered now I got a very nice mattress and shirt and I've got uh 3 000 count sheets like man prison is a hard way to go for an old person right now it's a young man's game it's nobody's game well yeah but if you go you might as well go young while your body still can endure it's it's rough damn yeah you ever do the stint in prison yeah Ponzi scheme when I was 22. I did my dummy you ever do it I've done a I've done a night in the uh the drunk tank just been handcuffed a few times and they never took me in I got oh really yeah nothing yeah I've done the holding still but I've never done that yeah you were disgusting it wasn't pretty either yeah because the drunk tank people don't realize the drunk take is the most disgusting oh puking oh it's full of you know somebody has done a lot in the drug tank I've seen people go to the drunk tank and like oh yeah it's bad it's bad it's bad everybody ends up naked most of the time because you won't be quiet they didn't told you all right be quiet we come here take your clothes you throw up on yourself there's all type of defecation somebody to peed on the on the wall yeah the drunk thing is awesome so one guy cried it was bad it was really bad that was me well you know it's like oh okay I'm not supposed to be here oh yeah oh yeah and I was like all right I thought I was the biggest wuss in here and then this guy I was glad he was crying my um the lady who live in my house she had to go to jail for traffic tickets and I'd never forget she's dressed up really really nice when she I remember when she left the house she had on Heels his white skirt this orange shirt and she calls me it's like no I've been arrested okay and we're gonna come get you out and she's um in this place that takes all day to let you out yeah and she's she's looking like she's gonna have to spend the night and she can't take it yeah she's called she's also I got so many collect calls in like a five hour period is insane oh man he's like yo I've already made your bond you good we just waiting on your guy she stood up the whole entire time that she was in there and she was in there for like 16 hours what she have on heels and her ankles was so swollen wow nope they they it was women in there using the bathroom they was doing everything and I wasn't doing anything I was just standing there and yeah she didn't want to sit on anything I like come out with a completely nice white skirt on you like I didn't move I stood in the same place I didn't eat nothing when you first go to jail you don't eat anything anyway because right because you think you're gonna get out uh everybody thinks they're gonna get out I don't give down how heinous and horrific your crime is you think you're gonna get out yeah I just killed 18 children I'm gonna get a bond they're gonna let me out I'm not eating anything yeah and everything takes so long and there's no urgency in jail you know you think there's people behind the desk like we got to get them out phones ringing you know doing all this [ __ ] but no one's doing anything how bad what was like the worst meals that you got in there everything yeah was anything good in there no um it was that one year Texas prisons one year um they took on this thing called they they purchased this stuff called vitapro making you make it look by the pro up Vita Pro was a was some stuff that you add water to it and it expands like a gremlin what the hell is that it's like a Vegemite this [ __ ] was killing cattle and pigs and [ __ ] in Canada and and Texas purchased it to and it came in a and like save is that little ice bucket right there right that little ice bucket say it came in that right that could feed 5 000 people oh wow that [ __ ] right there it's like a Chia Pet oh it's like a Chia Pet for food yeah oh this little army man that used to get bigger yeah exactly man and it was made of all type of [ __ ] that was causing boils this was this and it smelled [ __ ] horrible really it smelled like they was boiling Rubber and and and and see it was this [ __ ] here vitapro man I should have a class action lawsuit I never even ate the [ __ ] I never even tasted it that [ __ ] was crazy yeah what are our second sponsor Vita Pro yeah why aren't that bad anymore guys crazy it's actually good now damn that was crazy it expands this is like tofu before tofu came out right this is crazy so would you eat the bread around the Vita Pro no you didn't eat none of they put this in beans they put it in everything it's like a it was like a supplement like yeah it's like a it's like it was like with a veggie patty is now before they start developing him this is impossible oh it was crazy man on the flip side did you have like your favorite like food hack there like some recipe that you made like with something not just just my noodle just a regular noodle recipes you know uh a hot what we call a hot spread or a cold spread hot spread is like you you would buy canned goods off of commissary you buy roast beef you buy chili you buy beef soups you buy all that stuff and you're a boil your bowl all that stuff and you'll put the Roman you'll put that in there oh and make it more more thing you add cheese and um sounds pretty good Fritos oh yeah then you put Ritz crackers on and make it like a a big spread thing cold spread is um mackerel mackerel sardines um sandwich spread so that's a cold spread yeah hot spread is cold spread is different damn yeah but the key ingredient is cheese and chips in the soup we do a lot of peaves on here it's really hard to go into a peeve after him talking about prison for like two hours right he's like he's like you know this the food was horrible I'm like people who talk on speakerphone oh there we go there we go oh my goodness somebody on a on an elevator on the speakerphone you're like yo everybody's on the [ __ ] elevator it's crazy man oh that's that's definitely a [ __ ] pet peeve of mine do you have any others anything up top of your head that drives you crazy something somebody does out everyday life that you can't stand oh so I can't stand the fact that people don't know so if you're if you're coming from this way and you're wanna you wanna make a a turn like in the media okay so actually it's supposed to go like this you're supposed to go to the far end and the other person was going to so y'all can both see right what's the seven I hate people that [ __ ] short top stop short yes and neither one of us can see right and me I drive a big truck and I'll and I'll wait I go go I'm gonna stay there yeah go and I'm not and I'm not helping I'm not [ __ ] helpful damage 100 cars coming I hope your ass run I hope they run over yourself because you should have came all the way down yep yeah so you can see so I can see this way that's a great call Great call that happens all the time intersections stop and stop signs either that [ __ ] rock stop [ __ ] just [ __ ] stop like why you just can't stop like what's what's the rock stop [ __ ] what is this what does that stop for what's wrong with just stopping the vehicle I've done that yes something about stopping and starting again I don't know I want to just have a smooth Coast but it's a little get on the freeway people who speed is through school zones people who need speed through residential areas yeah it will speed through [ __ ] shopping if you're in a grocery store why are you speeding in this parking lot I know already [ __ ] here yeah and you're like into a parking spot like did you need to go 50 into this spot it's crazy yeah no I'm with you okay those are mine those are good you're not gonna call his our Houston ones they're all driving and all those like people have a lot of walking my path while I'm walking yeah you're not driving out here you had a ton before we we cut them off so no no I got a few uh how about this one this is this drives me crazy and this is this might be a lady thing sorry Fanny but my wife does this all the time I'll be like oh uh we're going out to eat I'll get us an Uber and she's like oh great so I call the Uber whatever you know it says three minutes and every cargo is that it and I'm like no no it's two minutes away and then a carpool is that it I'm like no no it's two minutes away is that it no it's one minute away and everyone she's like is that it I'm like have some patience you crazy Coos I'm telling you it's one minute away that's not it it's a Chevy you know it's a Chevy bolt and I'm like that's a that's a Honda you know it's like it's like us with their stories is it over yet two minutes away all right wrap it up it's one minute away yeah one star one star one star on that story I gotta peeve this is when you ever have that friend who's like he'll he'll [ __ ] talk someone in front of you on the street and they hear it oh you do that under the breath you don't do it that bad like a French we're both drunk in a french guy walks by and he's like my wall you know he's talking and my friend goes oh you can't do it so you heard me I'm like he's looking angrily at us that's awkward he's looking angrily in here [Laughter] he's a total bag it's rude angry Canadian oh that's funny though that my friends do that hey man are you they make it I can hear you uh uh by the lady who live in my house she she'll say something loud that lady is right there hey hey hey the the lady the lady can hear you yeah she can't hear me she's looking at you yes yeah looking over here first and then you said the lady over there loud ass how about this one this is a comedian thing you're in the hotel room it's 11 A.M you slept in you're hungover hello housekeeping I'm in the bed dick out you know sheets up hey I'm good hello ask him like why can't I hear you and I'm yelling way louder than you can't hear me what is that [ __ ] because what they just want to come in is that what it is yeah I think they don't they get paid by room oh is that right yeah I think so isn't that I think that's the case well she's coming in I'm it's I'm I'm balls out you know that's on Earth oh what's another a pet peeve you ever you ever had a a comic that's a young comic trying to interview you oh that's crazy how'd you get started oh that's the worst you know what we just did two shows together what's your writing process [Music] [Laughter] no that's bro that's a good one it's weird when it's just not organic yeah it just doesn't happen in a natural way it feels weird you ever had somebody introduce you as a comic and you're just chilling oh forget about it you just oh like in the world you just being a normal regular person you're saying hey this is my friend more Norman yeah he's a comedian yeah yeah you don't seem funny tell me a joke like yeah now I'm on the clock again at this wedding yeah yeah it's brutal I'm with you um you got one I don't want to step on yours what what your peeve no I just did a piece okay okay do you have another one I got another one yeah I could see I think I know you're talking about but uh either in a room just you and a guy you just you and him and he you go uh uh where would you get those shoes who me there's no one else around I'm talking about I'm making eye contact with you I'm a foot away from you we're holding hands we're at a bar there's no one in here we love it yeah you know it's the same as someone being like funny you asked just say the [ __ ] thing just speak stop delaying the answer yeah right what are you assaulted just say the answer oh dude here's a peeve you ever have someone I saw someone post uh about his wife I love you forever more forevermore easy Shakespeare yeah all right forevermore just say I love you what is this the Raven yeah come on I hate it your pan it's also it feels like an unhealthy relationship yeah you have to if you have to broadcast it that much I've been in them I've done it it's not a good idea comedy pet peeve right now um my my pet peeve right now and [ __ ] Comics who put up crowd work uh I do it all the time yeah I'm sorry well we just don't want to burn material yeah I I'm like I would rather just put up something else because let me tell you why because now because it's being a thing it's an internet thing yeah okay so now you go to you go to do shows and audiences think that you're gonna do it too that is starting to happen so they they like I'm trying to engage hey I'm not [ __ ] here to do no crowd work you do that right I gotta explain that and I'm like yo I'm not trying to make a crowd work clip yeah I have an act let me do my ACT I have a whole show that I came here to do right imma do different shows every night not trying to do any crowd work yeah and somebody keeps like they keep they oh he's gonna do it yeah you can see him we do a lot of short jokes so I think we need to do crowd work at some point just to like mix up the rhythm you're a Storyteller right I mean mostly I mean you do bits too but I've seen you do like long stories and I think structurally like crowd work for us like Dangerfield would do crowd work you know like short joke people would do crowd work so you know the differences between Dangerfield I'm glad you said that yeah this is one of my Idols oh yeah besides being better than us go ahead nobody I saw him doing it but it's not broadcasted him doing crowd work right so and it's like because it was a different era it was no way to broadcast it right yeah so if back then if he would have been it would have been the internet then it [ __ ] he would have probably did it but now it's like because it's on the internet and people think everything on the internet applies to every comic right because now say it one comic I I hate anything that one comic star is doing for a reason and then everybody starts doing it for something I know the side the side clip God damn it how many goddamn oh I'm gonna show this right here then I'm gonna comment on it yeah God damn it I'm not doing like everybody everyone did the reaction [ __ ] you know like I'm gonna here's me watching two girls one cup like I'll just watch the [ __ ] two girls I don't need to watch you watch it but yeah and then everybody had one but yeah there's a lot of that coffee everybody doing something but just think you guys have actual shows right well look [ __ ] special was [ __ ] awesome oh hey thanks it was [ __ ] awesome and it and it and when you dropped it during the pandemic it's like we I was like yes we have something fresh to watch so and it but it wasn't gravity it was you doing your thing yeah yeah and well you don't put out like you do your material it's separate to me you know what I mean like the crowd work is like a thing to get people out to see the material really I don't want to burn material uh online online for the next special right because that's mine I want to you know I want to own all of it you know I think I get that yeah I respect that I think with me because it's taught in the impede on me doing so I think it's a personal thing because people think that I want to do it yeah yeah and just like what people think that I remember to say they said this this was Friday never get it Friday I'm taking all these pictures and this lady said I hadn't seen you a special because I was coming to see you Friday and I didn't want to see the same material luckily it's this guy standing there he said he didn't do nothing from his specialist that's nice to hear and and I and I and I explained to him ladies I said do you understand that a special is different from my club show I have a actual Club show and then my special is different that's why it's called a special and this is the club show but I have with me I have a lot of different hours because I have different stores I most most Comics don't have 25 minute stories or 30 minute stories I have 30-minute stories so if I uh our show to me could be two stories that's crazy wow you didn't say I'm saying yeah yeah so if I so just think about this if I just did my three if I just came out and did the three this is not happenings yeah oh Max got on boots Mitchell in the mushroom store that's an hour damn just in those three stores yeah if I most of my specials are an hour and 20 minutes hour and 30 minutes so I I tell material I turn over material at a different rate than most Comics but I'm still judged based upon because I come out and sit down I get [ __ ] because I'm sitting down well why is he sitting down I get [ __ ] because I'm not fast paced people come see Comics which I and I'm and I hope that we all make this effort to rectify this if you come to see Mark Norman you coming to see Magnum you're not coming to see Dan Soto you're not coming to see Don Rickles you're coming to see Mark you have to let artists be artists sure who they are nobody goes to print to a print show hoping to hear a Michael Jackson song right I bet that's changing for you I mean I bet like you know you know comedians in general yeah people come to see us based upon what they already like and it's hoping that we're something like coaster they already if they don't already if they're not already fans of yours so I'm coming to see Mark Norman I'm sitting the whole time I'm thinking why he not like Bobby Lee because he's not [ __ ] Bobby Lee yeah yeah so you can't come to a a comedian show a comedy show and think that every comic is the exact same we're all different I think the podcast hello though I do think that the comedy fans have become more sophisticated because they listen to all these podcasts and they're like oh I know what this person does you know like if I do crowd work in an hour maybe I do an hour ten in a if I do a theater show or something maybe three or four minutes of crowd work maybe less I don't do a lot of crowd work in the in unless something's happening I have to roll with it but you know the material is what you're excited about that's where I'm like I can I can make something with this you know what I mean I can make it special yeah yeah so that's you know but I agree I think certain people it's rare though it doesn't happen in my shows a lot like I don't I don't find that they're expecting it you know if I just I'm like I'm doing material for an hour or 10 I don't do any of it it's fine like there's not a problem maybe people are coming to see you that's coming to see you got you have your own but fans is coming to see you new people like D.L Hughley D.L Hughley used to be known for doing crowd work oh like his whole first heart half his career him ain't got Tori was the what the [ __ ] best at it they were you used to get judged like oh we don't want to get talked about if you go to a deal yeah so to take that away from the talk about DL does maybe 45 50 minutes of material and then at the end he'll talk to the front row uh he'll tie everything together with the front row because he got tired of being judged by uh people think that I'm gonna talk about them when I come to the show it's it's just it's like the different dynamics of how long you been doing stand up 16 or 17 May 17 maybe 17. yeah maybe and you about the 16 about that same so I got a lot I got a couple years on y'all 25 I've seen people shift a little different in difference in different spaces like it's it's realistically comedy is is a black white mainstream thing either you black you white or you mainstream and that's weird wait what do you mean black white man so have you ever been to the um have you ever been invited to Atlanta comedy theater you ever performed there no I'd like to not black ah but you have you ever been to laughing skulls yeah really white yeah very white and very white you know and so with me so I'm black how many black people how many black people come on Rogan well you just did it yeah I've did it four times but how many but how many black people are on Rogan I don't know it's definitely less than white I'm saying so how many black people even my audience my audience breaks down like this is 15 of everything yeah black Hispanic white asian other it's 15 of everything it's not a lot of black people who have that type of audience that's true Chappelle's got a good mix but when you start when you start talking about black Comics who have this mix you gonna go Chappelle Kevin Hart then Kevin not earthquake [Laughter] [Applause] I love earthquake too but you know what I mean I [ __ ] love hurricane but not earthquake yeah yeah you know not on this Jay yeah that's uh some more you know not Bruce Bruce right right Gibbons yeah yeah so you're gonna be hard-pressed to find a bunch of black people think come to see dance over well we're scared I was scared of that audience you know and it's the and this is it's it's a lot of lines and because of this I used to this is my thing I was always a person who would open for anybody yeah same same I'm like you you can see me Houston Improv this would be the lineup it would be I would be hosting for Bobby Lee wow so and then whoever else comes even if we the same caliber I don't have a pro if I'm off if if they call and say hey Mark Normandy the feature I'm off if I'm at home [ __ ] right I'm coming to perform I have no problem that this is my home but that should be that should be the attitude of yeah any young comic I think but see but think I must I sell I come to Houston Improv four times a year I sell out every show that I'm coming there to do most comments are not gonna come and feature for Mark Norman if they already selling our show that's true I'm going to come I love it because because I I love The Craft and I'ma come just work I don't give a [ __ ] I you get I featured for Angela Johnson oh yeah and this was very this was this was manicure pedicure Angela Johnson huge so it's me Andrew Johnson and Shane Wayne wow that's a good show diverse and I'm [ __ ] I'm just as happy as if but the week before the exact week before I came to feature I came to host for Angela Johnson I just sold out nine shows at The Improv wow damn Mass majority of people not gonna do that but me loving the car you live in Houston stuff yeah I live in Houston yeah me loving the craft I man I'm at home and it's a chance for me to get on stage in front of another audience I'm like a [ __ ] audience Thief I will come I will come to your show and steal 10 people out your audience wow they're gonna come and see me so it's similar it's similar to being like in New York we'll just go upstairs the same thing like Gotham someone come through I'll pop it into a set the sellers really where we go up but you don't have a club like the seller that's a showcase club in Houston do you yeah the Improv but it's not but it's usually a headliner on the weekend though right yeah but it's during the week it's showcase no it's showcasing and I I've no I come here and they asked me to go up at the cellar all the time and I refuse wow I I I'm not I came to do I came to do the seller I came to do live from the seller oh yeah I can't do Gotham but I'm not pressed when I come to a a city to go up I don't I'm always like is it other guys that you don't let go up like in L.A I never go up in l.a's weird and they asked me to go up all the time but what about this guy who's been here every [ __ ] week that you ain't let go of yeah right I don't need the practice let him go up yeah but what you're doing is doing the celebrity thing oh Ali was in the room and Mark Norman yeah right man I'm not doing that [ __ ] I agree what about this guy that actually needs the time yes you're here and I think that amongst comics we should support those younger guys who need the time yeah like I used to hate when somebody would come in and just suck up all the time oh you gonna do 40 minutes just because you uh I hate that somebody yeah you hear that Eddie Griffin and I'm on the [ __ ] list I'm on the list sometimes the newer guys do that though I'll tell you like it shocks me but sometimes the newer guys are the ones running the light and I'm like what are you doing oh that's crazy that's when somebody not running the room well yeah I wish I when I used to run a room I used to run a room go ahead and run it like I wish you would run the light you'll fall into the bathroom and making peace go ahead run the light go ahead and run like this I I I'ma like you and then we had to light you twice cool I got you you do know I'm hosting the show right and I'm gonna go right back up oh oh they're gonna get the hot spread it's gonna get the hot spring all right well where you gonna be here we go we killed it before this even where can you find the special because I've seen a lot of your stuff it's all very funny man definitely check out his stuff yeah YouTube I'm So independent I'm on YouTube they have my whole schedule up there I'm at The Brick House comedy club I'm an interior at The Improv I'm at somewhere else and I'm somewhere else Orlando Cleveland 21st and 22nd July Hartford I'm in Hartford Connecticut when I go to Connecticut I'm also speaking in a prison in Connecticut wow oh yeah yeah so this was a definitely a refresher of me going back you hear that rich cat yeah and I'm and I'm sitting there thinking this name this name I was really concerned about the name of this podcast we may be drunk but I I I see how I see where it comes from because I damn sure made me go ahead when does this come out all right okay I'll also be at uh Charlotte North Carolina August 11th oh great room oh man I love the comedy zone Great Club but the the the main thing is man you can go online you can go to YouTube you can watch domino effect one yeah you watch domino effect two those are my my uh my specials the domino effect 2 is the new special which is probably and I and I'm gonna say it with other Comics being on the show it's probably the greatest special Of All Times whoa with other Comics being on the show so ballsy I know it's probably gonna be a pet peeve lately [Music] get better than us go see Ellie bring him a cake for Christ's sake and you're not opening for me when I go to Houston I don't want you steal a microwave if you come you come Houston I'm in town okay okay because see now I'm doing these I'm doing these pop-ins because because I'm bringing back the real guess set oh I love it so you guys will be a real guess it people who people don't know you're not a [ __ ] guess that you're an intruder you're you're shooting on the show if I brought up if I brought y'all out people like oh [ __ ] they excited like my my my first pop in is gonna be um June 30th I'm popping in on Bill Bellamy he's he's in um in Cincinnati I'm gonna pop in and I'm saying because Rickey Smiley popped in on me while I was in in Zanies yeah and I brought him out first and then he um brought me back out Miss Pat popped in on me so as comics and as notable incredible Comics we should pop in on each other I love it and enhance each other I'll be in Houston very soon so yeah you're coming to Houston uh Sunday oh here we go Sunday yeah I'm in tell us the blues welcome back hit the house come back oh now we're talking and that's the what date is that I know I'm in town Sunday because I'm I'm on vacation so I'm definitely I love it oh don't be there that's not legally binding okay that's true quickly I got a Montreal Providence uh you got all you got a big a bunch of stuff uh a lot of [ __ ] here Albany oh yeah Burlington that's all theaters Bethlehem York Bethlehem yeah Phoenix and we're out in Chicago and New York so look at New York on sale November 4th so in Chicago in uh late December so that just got added nice lots of other [ __ ] samereal.com yeah we're rocking I can't read any of that but uh I'm coming all over your your wife's face here it's gonna get crazy got Davenport yeah July 29th Oklahoma oh boy oh damn how are you doing oh yeah Pabst Theater was that the Ace Hotel who's doing your Balboa theater who's doing your um your tour uh uh Outback Outback you goddamn right Outback is doing your [ __ ] hell yeah [Music] all right we'll see we might be drunk check out how big a cat too get some Bodega cat we'll see check out at least all specials on YouTube sit down when you pay [ __ ] hell yeah [Music] [Music] [Music] dangerous [Music] woman doesn't look like I remember her and I get down in the same way [Music]

Channel: We Might Be Drunk Podcast

Views: 141,462

Keywords: podcast, comedy, humor, standup, NYC Comedy, comedy podcast, drinking, gotham podcast studio

Id: rNd6RnlQPp0

Length: 130min 35sec (7835 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 16 2023

Reddit Comments

[u/r10tm4ch1n3]

My opine: Mark maybe needs to pull back on the pods as a guest. He’s blowed up. And with that his time spent away promoting. He’s saying the same shit over and over and his takes are taken already my himself (my view as a comedy nerd tho).

Touring with Fully Loaded and Bert must be tough too. Love that Mark has blown up big time. Talking to the ether that I want a long career for this fucker cause his humour is right in line with my darkness.

I enjoy it. Don’t follow many pods, but seeing him everywhere has gotta be tough.

Gonna be roasted for this on this sub, but wanna see if anyone else thinks this.

[u/Pharaoh3Chins]

Such a great episode imo and I’m a usually a guest Ep hater unless it’s like Ari or DeRosa. Could see Ali coming back if he doesn’t even have to promote anything. Would love some Knick talk and maybe more Mark farts.

[u/holiday_bandit]

great ep, awesome peeves

[u/jDub2071]

Died when Ali said crowd work as his peeve

[u/patriciomd88]

Bruh, Ali is the toughest 5’6er in Texas, Rogan second

[u/LeonardSmalls79]

This was a good and really interesting episode. Dude has so many compelling stories. Id never even heard of him

[u/halloway14]

Sounded like there was some one was tapping e mic a bunch in the beginning