Emily Wilson - Relationships Revealed - 2018 Steubenville Main Campus 3

[Music] good afternoon good afternoon it's great to see you all again are you enjoying the weekend so far it's delightful delightful to be back raise your hand if you're in a relationship okay put those hands down some of you just found out some news that you didn't know yet well girls like no we're not to that stage yet put your hand down the reality is that we are all in a relationship we are all Shh we are all in many relationships this boy here said I'm in a relationship with God which is a good thing that relationships in our world people you know you think of our relationships are you in a relationship we think only romantic relationships do I have a boyfriend do I have a girlfriend do I have a husband do I have a wife but relationships go so much further than that and this afternoon I just want to get very practical about our faith and how we can integrate our faith and Jesus Christ into our relationships cuz we've heard a lot of ideas and beliefs and all different kinds of things but I want to help us get really practical how can I apply my faith into my life right now and so the scripture that I want to share with you this morning the basis of our talk comes from first John chapter 4 you can bring that up on the screen beloved if God so loved us we also must love one another no one has ever seen God yet if we love one another god remains in US and his love is brought to perfection in us if we love one another god remains in US and his love is brought to perfection in us we have all different kinds of relationships in armies what are some of the relationships that we have friends family moms Segan dogs our relationship with our dogs our guinea pigs our cats grandparents brothers sisters yes so many different kinds of relationships right food our relationships fall on a scale every relationship falls on a scale that scale goes from very healthy very healthy relationships all the way down to very toxic relationships that is the scale and we can find our relationships all those everythings relationships friends family your dog whatever falling in that scale and it's really important to be able to step back and ask ourselves as young people as Christians as Catholics am i honoring God in my relationships all relationships that I have in my life am i showing God's love to others before we do that we need to come to a deep understanding of two things and the first reality of who we are as people is that we were made for relationship we were made for relationship we were made for closeness and connection sometimes that makes introverts crazy right you want to be close to people but you also don't want to talk to people all at the same time she's like me right here we were made for relationship why because you and I we were made in the image and likeness of God and the image of God is what the image of God is the Trinity God himself is a relationship Father Son and Holy Spirit all in relationship with one another having that connection with one another and God is love and you and I long for love we long for connection that is a good thing it is a very good thing to to admit to recognize in our lives that we were made for relationship and that is something we desire as human beings women and men alike that's the first realities that we are made for relationship the second problem though not another problem but reality is that you are alone how many of y'all have watched this TV show okay like two people I love this TV show you should watch it they get a bunch of people and they fly them to the wilderness you can go to the next photo they fly all these people out to the wilderness and they drop them off just by they by themselves with a couple of tools a couple of survival tools and they have to figure out how to survive just by themselves which is crazy but the reality that they're living out is a very true reality is that you and I we were born alone we'll live by ourselves we are ourselves will live as ourselves no one can be with you or me all the time every day in my head and each of us will die alone you're like this is depressing kind of like this song I'm leaving it's the reality that we are alone and it's interesting to watch this show because these people they get dropped off in the wilderness and they're alone and they do it very very well but there reaches a point where they start to go crazy they just start to go crazy this man he like he ends up like singing these weird songs and this other man he like goes so crazy that he he doesn't even know how to survive anymore so he just starts like sawing this tree trunk and just making wooden disks just to make wooden disks for no reason wouldn't it's not really gonna help you with anything in survival right you people are outdoorsy people here in Ohio right hunting fishing yes love that Los Angeles people are not outdoorsy people let me just tell you that you guys have grit but the realities that we're alone but we don't like being alone we don't like it so we fight it and we try and fill our time and our space with all different kinds of stuff and noise and friendships and relationships we don't like being alone so we text so we snapchat so we scroll on Instagram just lying in until two o'clock in the morning right just scrolling scrolling scrolling googling the weirdest things like how do microwaves work these are the things you think about late at night how tall was Jesus right just these random things that you think about because we don't like being alone with our thoughts just as ourselves we're not comfortable in that space we can reject being alone we can reject it our whole entire lives and fill our space the space of us being alone with our thoughts and our feelings for our whole entire lives or we can learn to embrace solitude which is becoming comfortable with me just being alone with God himself because when we're alone maybe I'm sitting alone in the room and I really alone maybe there's no people in there but God is there with me embracing solitude is a very important key to healthy relationships because when I can embrace solitude when I can learn to be alone as myself then I can enter into healthy relationships why because if I don't like being alone and I try and reject being alone and I don't like myself I don't like being with my thoughts I'm gonna try and use other people to fill up that space I'm gonna try and use other people to make me comfortable so that I don't have to think about my thoughts and everything going on in my head and that is where relationships can become toxic when we're not comfortable we'll be alone and we want other people to fill that space in our lives but once we embrace solitude learn to be alone with the Lord it is then when we can enter into healthy relationships the kind of relationships that we were made for I want to share with you four keys to healthy relationships and kind of guide you through some practicality of how we can have healthy relationships in our lives the first key to healthy relationships is seeing other people as God sees them that you have a soul that will go on forever how cool is that you have a soul that will go on forever I have a soul that will go on forever my has a soul that will go on forever but sometimes we struggle to see people the way God sees them especially the people who drive us nuts amen it is so hard in our lives to love other people to recognize that I am a child of God and no matter what I feel about this person I have to recognize that they are a child of God as well that the person to your left and to your right is a child of God and that God sees them in the same way that he sees you as his beloved child who he has compassion and mercy and tenderness and love for and we can love people in our lives because God loves them and communicate Jesus's love to those people in our thoughts and in our actions in our words that they just as we are they beloved son or daughter of God it is a very challenging thing to do especially with the people who rob us the wrong way who drive us crazy but praying to the Lord to help me to see other people as he sees them has been a very very important tool in my life to show other people the love of Jesus right like when I meet you know or know a man or woman who drives me crazy to step back and recognize Jesus loves this person just as much as he loves me and I need to show them that same kind of love recognizing that they have a soul that will go on forever just like I do and that they are God's beloved so seeing other people as God sees them I would love for you in your heart right now to think of a person in your life maybe that's your siblings right our siblings in strike butts grazie how many of all of a sibling who drives you crazy okay this this is good this is a lot of us I want to take just a moment for you to think of a person in your heart who you struggle to see as God sees them and we are going to pray for that person and right now think of that person in your heart hold them in your heart hold them in your thoughts let's pray in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit amen I invite you to offer that person up to the Lord right now just say lord I give you this person make an honest prayer for that person and for their life and for their heart for their faith Lord sometimes it is a challenging and difficult thing to love as you love us we offer all of these people who we hold in our hearts in this moment up to you and we ask that you help us to see them as you see them to love them as you love them help us in our thoughts in our words in our actions and in our behavior toward them to show them your love to show them patience and mercy and compassion in Jesus name we pray amen in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit amen good stuff right the second key to healthy relationships is authenticity being able to be yourself being able to be fully oneself and allowing others to be themselves as well meaning we do not change for that person or that relationship how many of you in boldness and bravery would admit to the fact that you have changed for a person or for a relationship before in your life raise those hands okay would any of you in the front be willing to share that come on up what is the relationship yep what is the relationship that you changed for and why thank you for your bravery there is this kid I worked with that I really liked I was doing drugs and alcohol and because I liked him I wanted to fit in with him so I started doing that kind of stuff thank you for your bravery I really appreciate that really appreciate that see that's a beautiful example of saying I want to fit in I want this guy to like me I want this girl like me I want descrip of friends to like me so I have to mold and fix and change myself so that they will so that he'll accept me so that maybe he'll like me so that maybe they'll love me my question for you today is can you as a human being as yourself can you be yourself around the friends that you have today can you be yourself around your friends do your friends that you have right now encourage you to be the best version of yourself or do they encourage you and push you to be someone that you know that you are not or that you don't want to be dear friend support you in making decisions that are positive for you or do they encourage you to make decisions that are not so positive for you and aren't you changing yourself if you are not able to be your authentic self around your friends you are putting on a facade and your friends are friends with your facade they are not actually friends with you and not too challenging reality when we come to the place to think like my friends aren't leading me in the right way my friends are pressuring me and pushing me to become someone I don't like I don't want to be and we think we get into this mindset of thinking I'm stuck in my group of friends right girls cry to me all the time they're like I don't like my friends but I'm just stuck I don't know right cuz we're emotional women which we talked about at the wittman session guess what news flash a group of friends is not some tattoo in your life that you're stuck with amen then if you come to any point in your life where you think these people aren't the kind of people I want to be spending my time with they're making some meat into someone I don't like you can any moment of your life say I mean I need new friends I need new friends and I have to change my life and is that gonna be hard yeah because people in high school are gonna be like you will never believe who Sallie was sitting with at lunch today you'll never believe it right because people talk and they say all different kinds of things but I have never in my life met someone who said I don't like my group of friends I don't like who they're encouraging me to be and then change their group of friends through a good group and regretted it who was like me and I wish I was back at friends with those other people I've never heard someone say die so can you be herself around your friends are your friends encouraging you to be the person that you want to be in your life and are you being an authentic person in all aspects of your life mostly especially on social media social media offers us this like facade of people right the weird part about social media is that we put forth this lie about what our life is and then we think we convinced ourselves that everybody else is telling the truth right that everybody else that I'm the only one who's projecting like the perfect aspects of my life I'm the only one who's putting on this force onto the world and everyone else is being real when it's not really the reality in your life is social media causing you to be inauthentic is it causing you to feel badly about yourself is it causing you to feel badly about your life about your family about you know where you go on vacation or whether or not you go on vacation I don't know how can you portray your authentic self on social media and is social media causing you to forget who you really are hard reality to think about but is what you're portraying on social media causing you to forget who you are and if so do you need to take a break from social media to remember who your authentic self really is hard questions to consider but very important so that aspect of fanta city I think comes so much in friendship being our real cells and surrounding ourselves with people who want to encourage us to be the people that God created us to be because when we surround ourselves with positive people they encourage us to make positive decisions and then we become and stay on the path that God wants us on amen being ourselves is a key to healthy relationships the third key to healthy relationships is recognizing self gift versus use john paul ii st. john paul ii said the opposite of love is not hate the opposite of love is not hate it's use and this applies to all different kinds of relationships when we are not comfortable with ourselves we use other people and a lot of times we think um this is in terms of only sexually that you can only use someone sexually but you sin relationships goes far beyond that maybe you use people like you treat people like disposable trash cuz they'll just listen to you and you can just talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk never ask them about their lives and just use them to listen to you maybe you use people for their money right maybe their dad has a lot of money and they have a credit card and you're just you know just in the moocher don't be just in the moocher and you just follow them around and just let them pay for stuff that you use them in that way maybe someone complements you all the time and it's always talking about how great you are and how wonderful you look and how great you are at this and that and you use them for that are you using people in your life for different things or are you allowing yourself to be used to find that comfort so that you won't be alone you allow everybody to use you so that you'll have friends so that you'll feel like you have people that love you in your life are you allowing yourself to be used self gift is the ability to give of ourselves to others in a way that is good and beautiful and challenging all at the same time and you come into play in a huge way in romantic relationships that in our world today use is a huge huge huge part of our romantic relationships and one way that we can combat use in our lives as young people allowing ourselves to be used in using others is the virtue of chastity now chastity is not just saving sex for marriage chastity is living out it is a virtue where we live out our sexuality in the beautiful way that God designed it to be lived out in femininity and in masculinity and it's a virtue that when lived prevents us from using others and allowing ourselves to be used and our our culture today tells you and I are seeing people that relationships built on lust are totally normal that it is totally normal that you aren't actually the super weirdo in all capital letters if you are living chastity if you're saving sex for marriage if you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend who you are not sleeping with the world says you're so weird like what are you doing you are so missing out when chastity in reality when we look at chastity it's a key to freedom the chastity when lived when we honor the sexuality the god-given sexuality of the person that we are in a relationship with that we honor God in that way now God revealed his love in a special way through my relationship with my husband you can bring up that photo from our wedding yeah that's the two of us at our wedding it's wonderful you can go to the next photo yes Christiano Ronaldo ain't got nothing on my husband let me just say that right yeah he's really handsome and wonderful but in my life as a woman for so long I just felt like guys wanted to date me to get something from me to use me I dated a guy in college for a short while and there was one day where he said I just have to admit to you that I have been dating you just to prove that I could get to my friends just to prove to my friends that I could get you that I could take you and I felt so used and for so many years before I met my husband I just felt like guys want something from me and my husband was the first man who I dated who showed me I don't want to use you I want to honor you I want to love you authentically a healthy dating relationship never makes you feel used ever a healthy dating relationship never makes you feel used and my husband and I lived out the virtue of chastity together I chose to save sex for marriage when I was very young and my husband did as well yeah whoo and we chose that together and behind my decision to follow Jesus Christ that was the best decision I ever made in my life and my husband would tell you the same thing does that decision make me better than other people who chose differently absolutely not God can forgive all things if we haven't lived chastity in our lives we can come to a day where we say I don't like how I've been living and I'm gonna change my life well we chose to live chastity together and in doing so we honored one another's god-given sexuality and we were able to give of our hearts to one another in our relationship to get to know one another and build a relationship that was not based on lust at all but was based on love authentic love the love that Jesus calls us to give one another in all of our relationships and in our romantic relationships now in our lives in our romantic relationships men you can be the first guy you can decide to be the first guy who date's a girl and doesn't use her oftentimes when I meet women especially my age when they meet a man finally who doesn't want to use them it so confuses them because they're so used to being used and having things just taken from them and having men take them on a couple of dates and expect a physical reward women you can be the first woman a man dates who doesn't expect anything from him who doesn't use him for your own gratification but who honors him in the way that God calls us to honor other people in our dating relationships embracing chastity was a clear and intentional way we could make our relationship centered on Jesus built on Jesus and it was a mark that our relationship was healthy was embracing chastity easy no not at all it wasn't some decision that we made and it was like oh my gosh this is so easy and so great but was it worth it absolutely because it was a deep and very telling mark that our relationship was a good and healthy thing and that we were honoring one another the fourth key to a healthy relationship is respect is compassion empathy mercy forgiving ourselves and allowing ourselves to be forgiven how many of y'all have a hard time allowing yourselves to be forgiven it's a hard thing to do it's a really hard thing to do but respect is a very important part of our relationships and I think respect is something that is very challenging to live out in a lot of our relationships but most especially our relationships with our parents communication is very very very important part of relationships the ability to say you hurt me I'm sorry I hurt you this is how I feel this is how you made me feel this is how we can work on this better communication is very important but respect is a huge part of a healthy relationship that I respect the fact and understand the fact that like no relationship is perfect that all relationships are gonna see obstacles and with our parents or our primary caretakers I don't know if you've been raised by your mom or your dad or your aunt your uncle your grandma your grandpa your brother your sister I don't know who raised you well with the people who raised us the people who take care of us do us do show respect to those people do you show compassion to those people understanding that while I'm not perfect they're not either and I don't have to expect them to be perfect do you respect the people who take care of you in your thoughts in your words in your behavior toward them can be very very challenging but when we step back and realize my parents my grandparents my aunt or my uncle is not perfect and I'm not either we can love them in that way so I'm gonna do another prayer for those your are caretakers whoever that might be who we may struggle to respect who we may struggle to have compassion for who we may struggle to show mercy to think about that person maybe it's your mom maybe it's your dad maybe it's your grandma your grandpa let's pray for them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit amen just lift that person up to the Lord in this moment Lord in this moment I ask you to heal our relationships that we struggle with with the people who have raised us and I ask that you instill in us a respect for those people a compassion mercy and love for these people that well meanwhile we may not understand them well we may not understand their rules well we may not even understand why we can't seem to get along that you would be present in this relationship they would help us to speak and to act with respect and mercy and compassion in this relationship give us the courage to do so in Jesus name we pray amen in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit amen so these four marks respect self gift versus use giving of ourselves to other people rather than using authenticity and seeing others as God sees them very important aspects to incorporate into our relationships but the core of it all is the command of Jesus to love others love our neighbor as ourselves which is a very hard thing to do why because a lot of us don't love ourselves as Christians were called to Christian charity but this suggests that if you love others you have to love yourself first which is sometimes a really hard thing to do some of you in this room would probably may say that you even hate yourself which makes it very hard to love other people and so much of us spent a lot of our times hating on ourselves putting ourselves down and the self hatred that goes on in our world today is ravaging families and hearts and relationships all over the place how do we learn to love ourselves so that we can love our neighbors as ourselves we learned to enter into solitude and learn to be comfortable with just being ourselves and God does that take practice yes practice turning off your phone for five or ten minutes and just sitting in silence it's gonna be uncomfortable at first but say lord help me to embrace solitude so that I can love myself and in doing so love others now you don't have to be perfect at loving yourself before you love others but the attempt to learn to love yourself and who God created you to be is very important because if you can't allow yourself to be loved or loved yourself you'll never be able to enter into a healthy relationship and cultivate that healthy relationship in your life ask God to help you learn to love yourself so that you can learn to love your neighbor as yourself amen these are challenging things to think about but incorporating the love of Jesus into all of our relationships helps our relationships to become healthy and helps us to thrive as sons and daughters of God in our lives the next thing I want to do is bring up my friend Paul George we got some questions and we wanted to do a little Q&A we got some questions from some of you guys on the lead team and from other different sites about this topic of relationships and cultivating healthy relationships in our lives and Paul George and I are gonna just ask answer a couple of those questions for you at this time hi Paul George Emily I brought you a little stool thanks very much I felt all prexy and stuff thank you it's she cute oh yeah right the baby in there I'm trying to save off Burrito ankles all the guys are like can you say that yeah I could say that Emily's cute yeah we're old friends so I met Emily when she was in college and I know you probably see the cute little picture of her and her husband they're like models anyway that's not the goal in life yeah but they just happen to be beautiful people anyway so but I met Emily in college I'm older and she was hope you don't mind me bringing this up but she was dating a guy and it was serious and then they broke up and it was really heartbreaking for Emily she had a tough time went through a tough spell with it and you learned a lot from I sure did at that moment so thanks for your wisdom and praise be to God right we've you know sometimes we think our relationships end and at the end of the world and you'll never find anyone better and praise the Lord that that relationship ended because they never would have found Daniel and it's just the Lord working in our lives and we got to surrender to that but not only you find Daniel Daniel was living across the globe yeah where is he from Holland so they say the best place to find your husband well for women is in church my church that I found him in just happened to be on the other side of the world it was inconvenient but beautiful as a long-distance relationship for a while yes all right so we don't have a whole lot of time but so here's some questions I hate to put you on the spot with some of these but we're gonna go through and get through as many as we can and then we'll have to end and if you want to ask more questions you can find us you can direct message or on Twitter or whatever the case may be so here's the first question Emily how can I or us or someone leave a situation where my chastity is at stake okay so I think this person was asking like that my trosset is being compromised in this relationship and how can I leave it's important first of all in the beginning of a relationship to have a conversation about where your physical boundaries are how can we honor one another in a relationship having that clear-cut conversation not in the heat of the moment but when where our heads are clear and we can think how can you leave that situation well when you've had that boundaries conversation if those boundaries kind of starts to get blurred have that conversation to say hey we are wandering way off from where we were where we decided was okay was honoring one another and if you find and see kind of that you can't get back to where you were where your boundaries were you have to step up and end that relationship and have the courage to do so and have the courage to realize and say our relationship is built on lust it's based on lust and that's not good for either of her and sometimes like its you love the person and you love them by letting them go because you are not leading them to Jesus Christ yep absolutely and this can go either way it's like hey I'm dating someone and the girls okay with doing everything but but the guys like you know I want to stay chaste or vice versa you know the guy's saying I'll do whatever but I know my girlfriend you know she wants to save herself merit here's the thing here's the the lesson and the law that you need to know whoever has no boundaries will always win so true whoever has no boundaries will always wear down the other person and so unless you're equally yoked on the same page with your chastity the other person will always wear the other person down it happens every time and I ask women I say do you want to you know date a man who tolerates the fact that you live chastity or do you want a man who embraces that and lives that with you and chooses that with you even though it's hard even though it's hard to embrace that and to live that is the key to freedom is a key to you know not worrying not stressing about all the different kinds of things that can come up when sex is brought into your relationship there's a lot of freedom there so for me my question for you if the boy you are dating does not necessarily want to go all the way but wants to do other stuff which you know we know what that's referring to that you both know is wrong how do you explain that it is not the best choice for the relationship guys or girls I think the best way to explain it is just to be clear clarity is key clarity is key don't leave any gray area like just say no like I am NOT okay with any of those things and here's the line and if you're willing to push me past where I'm comfortable with then you're using me you don't care about me you don't fully love me and what ends up happening is we don't set clear boundaries and our relationships oftentimes and so here's what ends up happening we end up in places that we were gret right because we weren't clear from the get-go and so always think you know sometime we don't want to offend someone what you don't want to offend someone by telling someone what you believe or what you think or how to respect your body so you have to be very clear I often talk to young couples college or high school and I'm like you know there they haven't had the conversation do you like I'm so afraid to tell them that I want to wait til to marriage like you got to throw that out there you can't just you know have this gray area so just boom it's never too soon to tell someone where your morals and your values lie right because if you're a man and you tell someone this is my set of morals and values and she's not okay with that you would be wasting your time dating her anyway you'll be wasting your precious time when you could be finding a woman who aligns with your morals and values and wants to live those with you so it's never too early to say hey this is it right all right next question so you you dated you had some some breakups and then you got married yes okay so here's the question I have for you when did you know that your spouse was the one big question right yeah big question do you believe that there's the one well I know I don't think I mean like there's only one person on the planet that I could ever read I mean how romantic is that but I think that that's kind of silly one in seven billion and good luck finding that one I mean I think there's people were compatible with that God puts in our life totally right how do you know that you're compatible with that person and and you're supposed to move forward into marriage totally so there were a couple of things that I was looking for um in my choice to get married right I got to get married no one shoved me into my wedding dress on my wedding day no one pushed me down the aisle I had to choose to do that myself in the same way that a priest chooses to go to his ordination a sister chooses to make her perpetual vows so um I wasn't forced into that and I chose that and the first thing I was looking for was a man of great faith a man who didn't tolerate my values and those kinds of things but wanted to live them with me and my husband had that he was a man who lived his faith on his own not because I asked him to not because I wanted him to but because he fell in love with Jesus Christ himself and wanted to live his life totally sold out for Jesus the second thing I was looking for was a man with a servant's heart because you know as a father and a husband you gotta give right you gotta give a lot and a man who is selfless is a man who makes a great husband and a great father a man who was willing to put other people first I saw that in my husband over and over and over again in the way that he treated his family his friends he was willing to put himself behind other people when the time called for it not to walk all over him but that selflessness was very important and so as I dated Daniel I found these these attributes that were very important and I offer that to the Lord to say Lord I feel like you're calling us to marriage this is what I am sensing in my heart confirm this for me if this is your will and that's a beautiful way to find out what the Lord's will for us is to say this is what I'm sensing from you Jesus is this what you want for my life and I felt the Lord continually affirmed that he his well was for us to marry one another and so we did that was very complicated because he had to emigrate to America and it was challenging and so we kept offering like is this what you want Jesus and we kept hearing yes yes yes and that is why both of us decided to get into those wedding clothes and choose to be there on that day and make vows for eternity to one another yeah that's great and you know then you commit it and I think what ends up happening is a lie is like once you get married guess what ends up happening is all the 7 billion people in the world stopped existing there's no more attractive guys or attractive girls out there the reality is when you get married it's about a decision and a choice every day to love the person that God's called you to marry right that person and we live in a culture where there's 50 percent of people get divorced why because they get distracted by all the things that are out there and they can't commit to the commitment that they committed to because they want to do all these other commitments and we live in a society that has a disease called option itis we want to keep our option on open and we want to do all these things and the reality is this you committed and you're committed right to each other absolutely and so are you you choose that one person I said no to every other man in the world on that day and you said no to every other woman on the day and there's still beautiful women out there right and there's still you know great things but I said yes to this one little girl named Gretchen yep and each day I mean you say you see that that person by your thoughts in your actions and the way you behave I choose you right I choose you again and again that's right for you I get this question a lot from young people okay process of dating to engagement to marriage how did your relationship with Gretchen change from dating to engagement to marriage what does that process kind of look like okay so I'm gonna just throw this out there you guys I am NOT a huge fan of dating in high school uh and here's why here's why I'm gonna tell you this because I'm not old fashioned or I'm like I think you guys can't handle it here's the reality it's because of this dating has a meaning dating has a purpose so you don't just date you're just like ah just feel like test driving cars or going play putt-putt you know like that's you know like the thing dating actually has meaning right dating is discernment for marriage so let me ask all you guys do you feel like you're ready to get married today and discern marriage with someone today and most high school now I'm not saying in all cases but most high school kids would say no I'm not ready to get married right now and I'm not ready to even discern marriage maybe on my own trying to discern whether vocation I'm supposed to be in but particularly to a person yeah I'm not ready but so dating has meaning and the problem with dating today is that it has no meaning and so we just date and then we end up hurting each other and then it just goes awry right we ended up going to four sexually emotionally spiritually and how many you guys have had good healthy relationships that when you broke up you left each other better off not many right so some so there's exceptions so the first thing you have to know when you're dating is that dating has meaning and purpose and if it's not moving forward it's moving backwards right so dating begins a process of discernment that hey am I supposed to be with this person is this relationship moving forward are we kind of discerning a future together okay I'm not saying high school sweethearts can't end up getting married but statistically right so it's not till later on kind of when you begin to know yourself better you can discern that so dating moves on into discernment and then if you're not supposed to be together then you can say hey guys just we're just not a call to be together and if you date right you leave each other better off than when you dated before you see it I'm saying like you make each other better by dating that's good dating bad dating is you bring you say I hate you I hate you too I hope you die happens all the time it happens all the time you know so dating leads into discernment you move forward and then there's discerning engagement then you move into engagement and a deeper courtship of discernment and then you end up on your wedding day getting married forever yes and it's important to note that engagement is not marriage it's still discernment yes when you like all engagement is is jewelry and an agreement right yes will you marry me yes that's all you got when you move into marriage you have made vows to love one another until death that's incredible so I had this happen at our church where I belong to in Louisiana this woman was getting married to this guy she wasn't Catholic but in the valves of when you get married in the church the other person if they're not Catholic agrees to to get married in the church and to raise your children in the church right so and so through the whole dating and engagement and preparation for marriage he agreed to that so the day of the wedding they meet up and they're in front of the church and he says no lie he says when this is all over this whole wedding thing I'm not doing anything I agree to and she says well I'm not walking in that church and she broke it off with him day of like hour before day off yeah they weren't married yet and that's the reality then in engagement can be broken off up until that moment and you can go your separate ways but when people have that pit in their stomach if that girl that girl easily could have been like well who's no going back now everyone's here they all bought their tickets they paid their money I have no option you have an option up until that moment if you feel pressure for the relationship to move forward that means you need to get out amen okay if you feel pressure for the relationship to move forward that means you need to get out all right next question if you if you have sex before before marriage can you still be a nun or a priest an answer is yes absolutely you can it's a very good question and probably some of you have wondered it before yeah absolutely the question is do you believe in the all-powerful mercy of God yes do you believe in the healing power of the sacrament of reconciliation yes that anyone who goes to the Lord in repentance to say these are my sins even mortal sins to say Lord these are my sins that the Lord can forgive those sins and those don't prevent you from going into the vocation that God has designed and chosen for you whether that's the priesthood and religious life single life married life that his mercy is real yeah and that no matter what you've done in your life that you can choose to make amends with the Lord to seek His mercy and go forward with that another note about chastity is that it's not something that you stop living when you get married right chastity is a virtue for everyone priests live chastity nuns live chastity single people of chastity married people live chastity because chastity is that overall encompassing living out of the sexuality that God gave us in a beautiful and healthy way so if you have sex before marriage can you still be a priest or a nun absolutely and you could still get married absolutely and so here's a little advice ladies if you want date a guy and he's looking at for pornography don't date him period and guys if you're looking at pornography and playing video games the majority of your life no girl's gonna want to date you and I'm just telling you that real talk is down if you want to move forward in your life men you got to start acting like men okay you got to start being sacrificial you got to start loving you got to start committing you got to move forward get a freaking job play a sport do something with your life make good grades for God's sakes like show the women in the world that you're worth it okay honestly and I don't have a problem with you playing a little videogames or some every now and then but here's the deal you guys if you don't stop those habits now they go into your marriage nothing ever says hey when I get married the pornography stops when I get married the video game stops when I get married the overspending stops ladies or whatever the case may get guess what when you get married all that crap comes into your marriage so the whole point of being single is to become holy so that when you do get married or whatever vocation that you come in you bring your wholeness into holiness into the relationship that's the whole point you get it so I'll get you I'll get off my stool cause we're ending ending time but here's the deal you guys no matter where you are whatever mess-ups whatever situations you and god's got a new life for you when it comes to relationships amen

Channel: Steubenville Youth Conferences

Views: 5,817

Rating: 4.3700786 out of 5

Keywords: Catholic, Charismatic, Youth Conference, Youth, Conference, Evangelization, Steubenville Conferences, Steubenville

Id: 5N6BQhvb3JU

Length: 48min 43sec (2923 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 09 2018