(Wii music plays) Lady Bridgerton: I shall need your help today. There is the dinner to plan with Lady Danbury to welcome the Sharmas into the family. Lady B: And then the engagement ball next week! Eloise: I am sorry mama but uh E: I am attending a lecture this afternoon. E: Flower arranging! E: Penelope's mama is forcing her to go and you have wanted me to find more ladylike pursuits. Benedict: (with mock interest) How long have you cared about flower arranging?- Eloise: I am an openminded woman, I can care about many things. (loud bang) Lady B: Mrs. Wilson! Colin: Ugh mother! Please! Not so loud. Lady B: Whatever you have done to your brother, undo it. (Benedict whistles) Colin: I may never reach your capacity for drink, brother. Benedict: It's a simple remedy. If you continue to drink, there can be no after effects. Eloise: If only you would use your powers for good. Lady B: Has anyone seen Anthony? (loud cheering soundbite) Soundbite of two boys saying: Yeah? Then, what are we? Man in soundbite responds: You boys!... Are the homosexual supporting cast! (technical beep) Eloise: What would you know about heartbreak? (Benedict scoffs) Benedict: I would not, really. Benedict: But I have... felt it in paintings. B: In a Gainsbury portrait or a... B: A Turner sky. Eloise: I, too, know what it is like to feel oneself an imposter, E: Pretending to be someone I am not. Oprah: I've never heard this from any gay person. Benedict: Would you like a companion? Eloise: What? (Scoffs) Of course I would not. Benedict: Because... Benedict: I'm apparently free? Benedict: Imposter party of two? Lady B: You have come thus far this season, it would be a shame for you to turn back now. Benedict: Steady? Eloise: And ready. Drag Queen, Alyssa Edwards: Well... (mouth pop) Lady B: Some more tea, My Lord? Eloise: Perhaps, some warm milk may be better. Young Lord: Oh! Are those marbles? What fun! Eloise: Might I go and read now? Soundbite of woman saying: Can you not be gay for five minutes?! Daphne: Yes, you're walking my love! Eloise: Away traveling for six months and now they take six hours coming down the stairs! Daphne: Oh, six is nothing when you're a newlywed. Colin: Perhaps we are to begin playing! Eloise: She-she's coming towards me... E: With a suitor. Penelope: And what if you said yes? Eloise: To a dance?! Penelope: Have you spoken to Colin yet- Eloise: No no no no no Lady B: Eloise! Lady B: I would like to introduce you to Lord Morrison Lord Misogynist ahem I mean Morrison: Miss Eloise! Lord Morrison: A pleasure. Lord Morrison: Might I have the honor? Eloise: (whispers) Of-of what? Lady B: Remember... Hosts. Eloise: You wish to be entertained? Lord Morrison: Miss Eloise- Eloise: Would you mind keeping quiet? I'm counting my steps so... Eloise: (quoting John Locke) "What worries you, masters you!" Lord Morrison: Ah! You have read Locke. Eloise: I have! Have you? Lord Morrison: Yes, it is required of all men past a certain age, surely. Lord Morrison: Not so much for young ladies. Eloise: (sarcastic tone) Because our feeble minds might collapse if we put too many ideas in them? (Lord Morrison laughs) Lord Morrison: With most of the ladies I have met that seems to be true Lord Morrison: Many of them cannot even articulate a thought! Eloise: I'm telling you, Pen, the season has barely begun and already I feel touched in the head! (Penelope laughs) Eloise: Another quill? E: You do get through them at an extraordinary rate. (theme from among us for the imposter plays) Eloise: Truly, I did not mind Whistledown's silence over the last few months as it finally gave me some time to read a few articles of substance. (Eloise clears her throat) Eloise: (quoting Mary Wollstonecraft) "My own sex, I hope, will excuse me if I treat them like rational creatures E: "Instead of flattering their fascinating graces." E: Wollstonecraft! RuPaul Contestant: I don't know what the f*ck she's saying, but girl I am living. (crowd cheering soundbite) John: Miss Bridgerton, perhaps this is not such a wise decision. Eloise: It seemed wise enough when you took half my pin money to escort me here. John: I will return it. This part of town is not safe for a young lady such as yourself. Eloise: Take the other half, keep a watchful eye. No turning back now. (loud rustling around the corner) Eloise: We know this is where Lady Whistledown prints her paper! John: We do? Eloise: Why did you think we were here? Theo: I think you might be lost. Eloise: I think you're evading my question! Theo: You never asked me a question. audio of a woman saying: I fear I may have girlbossed a bit too close to the sun. Eloise: What are those papers? Theo: Nothing for the likes of you. Theo: Perhaps you might get your trivial gossip from somewhere else? Eloise: Your assumptions are not the least bit surprising. E: After all, a woman is allowed have but two interests: E: Marriage or spewing slander about their peers apparently! E: It would certainly never occur to you that I am in fact hoping to find the writer so that we may discuss much more intellective matters. E: (in an edited deep voice) The rights of woman! E: The exploration of her mind! A mind which I can already discern is far, far superior to yours. E: Is the shock that you seem to be displaying at present due to the fact that I appear well-read and articulate? E: Or do you suffer from some medical ailment about which I should be informed? Eloise: I can accept certain mysteries. Eloise: I may never know how men came to be considered leaders when women are clearly better suited. E: My feelings about his feelings do not matter if I do not know for a fact what it is he is feeling. John Mulaney soundbite: "Now we don't have time to unpack ALL of that." Eloise: It is not too late. Eloise: You could say I collapsed! E: That I got something unmentionable on my gown, all the feathers affected my senses, anything, mama, to get me out of doing this. Lady B: My darling girl... no matter what you will always be a diamond to me. Eloise: Oh, if Penelope were here. Lady Featherington in an edited trembly voice: Penelope! Lady Featherington: How many times must I tell you to be weary of that window! Lady Featherington: Do you wish to appear like a befreckled beggar spending all day in the sun?! (mouse click noise) (technical beep) Eloise: Does this mean I can go? Lady B: I do not know what this means, darling. (Eloise chuckles) Daphne: Eloise! (technical beep) Eloise: Oh Pen! I am so glad to see you! Kathy Griffin: (urgent tone) I need to talk to a gay person. Man: Wh-What do you need? Kathy: I need to talk to a gay person! Eloise: Mama is already being insufferable! (Wii music starts again) Penelope: Well at least she did not see fit to dress you as a sunflower. Penelope: I declare a bee might mistake me for the real thing! (Eloise laughs) Suitor: Miss Bridgerton! Suitor on the right: May I request your next dance? Suitor on the left: Or I might accompany you to fetch some lemonade. You seem parched. Penelope: (to herself) How can you tell is she wilting? Suitor on the left: Or punch, if you prefer. Penelope: (to herself) A plant pun if you were wondering. Eloise: Apologies gentlemen but I regret to inform you that my dance card is already full! Soundbite of Billy on the Street shouting: Let's go lesbians, let's go! Soundbite of Billy on the Street shouting: Let's go lesbians, let's go! (technical beep) Hyancinth: I do not think she's very good. Benedict: I believe she can hear you. Eloise: I can hear you! (Lady B chuckles politely) Anthony: Stop fussing with your dress. Lady B: You look lovely, dear. Eloise: I look like a prize calf trust up for auction! (Benedict moos) Lady B: Even Daphne felt most apprehensive at her first official ball and look how well her season turned out. Eloise: (mutters) Alright, alright. Benedict: Come sister! The cakes at these occasions are surprisingly good. Benedict: (dreamily) Have you noticed, Col? Benedict: The twinkle of the candles it is- Benedict: It's as if- Benedict: (voice trembles with emotion) We sit among the stars. Eloise: What is wrong with you? Colin: -To see it in decades. (Benedict moaning) Woman in video: The hell? (snickering) Lady B: Benedict dear- Eloise: Something has apparently arrived for you. E: A letter, from London. Woman in video: Bitch you lyin! (screams) Benedict: I have a place. Benedict: The royal schools have accepted me as a student. Benedict: (yells) I got in! Colin: Uh, I thought they were not the arbiters of taste- Benedict: They must see great promise in my work! Benedict: Oh my- (Wii music stops) Benedict in an edited trembled voice: (shouts) You shall all bear witness to my taleeeeennntttt! Colin: (whispers frantically) Sssshhh! It's the middle of the night! (Wii music starts again) Eloise: He will be as insufferable now as you. Colin: Me?! Benedict: (to himself) I am honored... to accept... Benedict: (voice breaks) Your acceptance. Eloise: Do you think it will last much longer? Colin: Devil if I know. Eloise: It will be a boon to have another intelligent woman in the house. Benedict: Another?! Benedict: Mmm, your over counting. Lady B: Eloise- (Anthony groans) Lady B: Anthony! Soundbite of Tiffany Pollard saying: You look like a fairy princess... Tiffany Pollard: That resides over the pits of hell. (Dramatic note) (technical beep) Penelope: Eloise! Soundbite of Trixie Mattel saying: Hey flop! (technical beep) Eloise: Why do you think that is? Penelope: Because you have been reading too much Whistledown... Penelope: Her voice, it is echoing in your head, Eloise. Eloise: I thought so, too, at first. (technical beep) Queen Charlotte: Lady Bridgerton! Miss Bridgerton! Queen Charlotte: Such a shame your presentation at court was so rudely interrupted. Eloise: It is a delightful ball, Your Majesty. Eloise: Very diamondy! (chuckles) Eloise: Though I must admit, I am more of an emerald person, myself. (Eloise clears throat awkwardly) (Queen Charlotte bursts out laughing) Queen Charlotte laughs: Oh-ho dear. (technical beep) Kate: Can I ask you something, Miss Eloise? Eloise: Did I purposefully make the third wicket two inches narrower than last year? Eloise: Yes I did. (technical beep) (Lady Bridgerton cooing at the baby) (Baby Augie begins to cry) Colin: Do not mind your Auntie Eloise. She's too busy reading to notice anything else, as usual. Eloise: Is it not nap time? Eloise: Perhaps Uncle Colin can lull you to sleep with his many, MANY tales from his travels. Colin: Yes, I seem to be missing the peace and solitude of the Greek Isles already. Daphne: Enjoying your brief respite- (technical beep) Colin: Perhaps some fresh air will be just the thing- Benedict: (whispers) Flask! Eloise: Perhaps the archbishop's talk of lifelong covenant overwhelmed her. Perhaps Miss Edwina realized that marriage is in fact a prison for women. Colin: Ugh, must you always be so... Colin: you! Eloise: Who else should I be? Eloise: Married and silent? Gregory: Perhaps she decided she must change into a different dress- Hyacinth: THAT is absurd! She looked beautiful- Benedict: Perhaps- Eloise: My rebellion... is not some party dress I put on to play a part, Mama. Eloise: And it is certainly not some accomplishment I have developed like- Eloise: Singing or... painting to help me attract a suitor! Eloise: (emotional) I- I- Eloise: Know- Eloise: I am a disappointment to you, so, just allow me to take my leave and go to bed. Interviewer: You're so creative. Where do you get your inspiration? Lady Gaga: Um... God and the gays. (technical beep)
