Elf Bowling: The Movie - RaisorBlade Reviews

what the [ __ ] was this no really what the [ __ ] was this why the hell did I just watch something with animations so bad it makes food files like cocoa in comparison what the hell is bright idea was this anyways yeah let's take a [ __ ] flash game from 1998 and turn into a [ __ ] ugly animated movie of for nine years I've heard came out yeah because that one look like a [ __ ] soulless cash grab no will it I'm telling you guys right now this is awful this movie [ __ ] sucks I'm saying right out of the gate this movie roll me this movie is insulting Pugliese and just plain [ __ ] yeah I have to use that word [ __ ] I don't like using that word an insulting manner like this but [ __ ] yeah there's no other word I can describe this movie it's [ __ ] it got so bad I actually had to ask for y'all's help in order to talk about this movie so let's talk about what might be the worst movie I've ever [ __ ] seen let us review ELF bowling so mu Z now before we talk about the movie we should probably talk a little bit about the game in which the movies based on or well based on because let's face it this movie has very little to do with the game Oh kind of like every other adaptation of a video game how surprising the game came out in the year 1998 and all it really was was a cheap little flash game that you probably spent about 10 minutes playing it was a cheap little thing there was a fart jokes in it the game was about Santa Claus bowling elves probably because they were going on strike why were they going on the strike who cares it was a video game all right if we can have a video game about a fat Italian plumber saving a princess we can have a video game about Santa Claus killing elves for no good reason so whatever whatever went now the difference between the game and the movie is that the game was kind of crude it meant more for adults than kids yeah there was a lot of fart jokes a lot of stuff like that but there was also blood and murder in it meanwhile the movie is aimed for little kids like little kids like five-year-old at the most now I understand that I was 5 when the games came out and he has a 5 ever allowed to enjoy it but I probably shouldn't have enjoyed them needless to say the movie has very to do with the game so why am I talking about the game I don't know maybe because it's a hell of a lot more enjoyable than this piece of [ __ ] just thought I'd bring it up all right now if distractions let's start this [ __ ] well I am a twenty three old man still living with his parents so I probably should oh I'm sorry I think I put in the wrong movie I thought this was a movie about Santa Claus not pirates actually no this is the movie we're talking about yes the movie about Santa Claus starts off with a pirate ship the first the first scene the first [ __ ] frame of the movies wrong it's important to know that when you're watching this movie it's important to learn to take everything at face value everything so with that in mind what are we taking at face value well for one these pirates they don't steal money they still toys yeah because apparently toys are just the [ __ ] best thing in the planet like yeah they money [ __ ] that [ __ ] toys toys is where it's apt to they steal the toys to sell it back to the parents to make money [Music] well why not just steal the money like what well I'll just cut out the middleman and three Santa Clause is the captain yeah don't know what's wrong with that I mean yeah Santa Claus gonna be the captain of a pirate career because that having so much [ __ ] huh so an old man wants to be alone in his quarters with his toys oh god no no no [Music] actually as it turns out sender regrets stealing the toys and wishes to return them okay that actually sounds like something Santa Claus would do doing something bad and then immediately regretting it and want to make it right where they [ __ ] up is him dropping it in the ocean hoping it floats back to them because yeah it's not gonna [ __ ] sink okay maybe the baskets can float back but look some of the [ __ ] toys are just sitting there in the water even the presents don't sink ever here's salt damage idiot so within cut to Santa Clauses brother Dingle who looks nothing like the character in the game nor like his brother for [ __ ] sake he has a black mustache at his brother as a white mustache like what's going on there who is voiced by the delightful the famously talented Tom Kenny and before we go any further yes this is the worst thing he's ever acted in period so it turns out Dingle was trying to steal some toys why I don't wanna know anymore but said it tells him to set up a game of bowling why because we need something sets up a connection between the movie in the game so after the game is won Santa Claus celebrates his victory by collecting money because like is money the thing you guys are trying to get it or toys because everybody keeps acting like toys are like the big [ __ ] monetary stuff here in this [ __ ] movie it's like it's like no [ __ ] the money yeah toys where it's at yeah toys [Music] that guy store was already drawn when he went to drawing animation can you just not animation because you can't animation oh and by the way Dingle is an [ __ ] for no reason throughout the rest of the film yeah he has no motivation to do anything literally every time he does something evil he has no reason to do it other than just being a dick alright he's just a motivation list personality list [ __ ] who exists just to be a villain in the movie because the writers have no idea how to write a story without a villain so just in case any of you are confused with what the hell's going on will they join the club because we're only five minutes in and I'm already super confused by what's going on Dingle and Santa Claus are fighting over something and the Pirates are mooning and dingle and Santa fawn icy cold water wait wait a minute why the [ __ ] are they in Arctic waters they're pirates look at them they're all dressed up like pyres like they're in the [ __ ] tropics some of them aren't even wearing shirts guys you're gonna freeze your [ __ ] nuts off oh and how [ __ ] nice they're still arguing despite being frozen solid so we then cut to the North Pole where we see an elf named Lex snowboarding because you know snowboarding and pirates totally coexist in the same era where he then discovers the frozen Santa and Dingle still arguing even though they've been frozen for god knows how long so Lex invites his friends over who are I am surely have names but I'm just gonna call them pointless elf and annoying Gale okay I'm sure the elf isn't gay but he has this annoying Gale this that's just the second year is voiced your amelie gonna hate them I'll be on mine but I'm gonna talk like this all the time I'm a high-pitch gay Lisbon all that kind of stuff because I think I'm better than you my dicks like 10 feet long and my black boyfriend really loves it why did I call him a black boyfriend I don't know why I brought that up so let's decide to free them out of the ice using a magical orb here we find out that Santa is apparently a man known as white beard someone who is destined to leave the elves one day someday any minute maybe you're hilarious movie huh you're [ __ ] really funny oh yeah and sin also tries to murder his brother than many he's out of the ice Santa Clause the symbol of Christmas and murder [Music] what the [ __ ] his ass catches on fire and you decide to Amelia sing a song what the [ __ ] is wrong with you people do you have the attention span of a housefly dude you [ __ ] a DD like what the hell is wrong with you people like seriously also why doesn't Stan I just sit down he's surrounded by [ __ ] snow so after Santa and Dingle finally calmed down to assess the situation they trying to figure out what the hell is going on but the annoying gay offsets is something wrong you yeah because elves know what Pirates are also I should probably bring up the fact that it's the year 600 AD and yet he suddenly pulls out a beer-drinking hat yeah because I think this movie's pretty much proving that it just doesn't give a [ __ ] about anything so Santa and Inglewood given a Torah that our poll where we didn't find out the elves most sacred law is that Tom Kenny talking to the riders is that what he said to them that's what I would have said so we found out that the elves have been building things called doula bobbins for god knows how many years and what a dooble bobbins mind you toys and like jack-in-the-boxes Senna and Engels boners just wait no this really [ __ ] weird now this whole thing kind of begs the question or questions might I ask how long have they been making these dual Poppins who cares why are they making these Douma bobbins again who cares why are they calling them do the Bob isn't when they could just call them toys again okay I think it's safe to assume that no one cared when making this piece of [ __ ] and you wanna proof this scene right here [Music] [Applause] that sums up every problem with the movie in a [ __ ] nutshell one the animation not only is the innovation in this movie so [ __ ] ugly but it's also really sluggish everything looks like it's floating on the goddamn moon it floats and moves so goddamn slowly it's it's weird it's like there it's like there were swimming through water or whatever to see or the orb is a plot device that can do whatever the plot demands there's no limitations it can do literally whatever the [ __ ] the writer wants that's lazy writing and three this we're about to we're belting we're smiling didn't you stupid kids yeah you don't give a [ __ ] about what you're watching you're just stupid kids who cares about intelligence an important writing yeah you just like stupid [ __ ] that's on the screen moving around and making stupid noise and [ __ ] [ __ ] do that's the problem with this movie it's made for stupid little kids and when I say that I mean that's what the writers were thinking that's what the and A's were thinking no I give a [ __ ] about this movie it was made for stupid little kids that the writers thought that would they wouldn't give a [ __ ] what was on the [ __ ] screen god [ __ ] this movie and we're not even the [ __ ] meat of it yet we're barely at the 20-minute mark and I'm already [ __ ] pissed off God so yeah 20 minutes in I'm already super pissed off Kimmy's movie make me any angrier [Music] [Music] strudel is your favorite food in the whole world strudel strudel gives us some things you don't [ __ ] with all right you don't kill the t-rex addressed Berk three you don't turn Super Saiyan throw a goddamn bubbly feeling in your back and you do not I repeat do not change Santa Clauses favorite food from milk and cookies - goddamn strudel I don't care how you Germans do it okay but the whole world has known its milk and cookies its milk and cookies okay it doesn't matter what kind of cookie could be all right chocolate chip almond peanut butter it doesn't [ __ ] matter all right in the milk it can be chocolate it can be soy milk but it's gotta be milk it's gotta be cookies oh yeah hello mountain dew oh you're my favorite food never replace you Pepsi our goddamn strudel so only 20 minutes in and this movie has already broken me can this movie do anything else god it sounds like I'm challenging the movie now so Dingell wants the or because he likes the power that it holds Wow they actually found a way to work the elf bowling in this movie about L bowling I'm genuinely surprised by that I really am he just said it out loud how do you do you really need to repeat it what the [ __ ] up with that guy's face he looks like he's riding a bike and sucking at T at the same time so Santa and Eagle decided to work together in order to trick the elves even though they were trying to murder each other five minutes ago in order to get a new ship so they can track down their old crew and get revenge for the mutiny but because Santa is the fabled white beard they always want him to deliver presents to the kids all around the world white beard almost all of the elves have white beards and now their armpit farting wait what the [ __ ] you stupid kids think this shit's funny yeah I bet you do you're so goddamn stupid so because Santa's the fabled white beard you always want him to deliver their toys to kids all around the world why honey because movie me well Dingle befriends a penguin because movie yeah again guys just accept everything everything even strudel goddamn strudel so Santa agrees to the deal and we think it introduced to all the elves who work in the workshop well give it some credit that's only the second most racist thing that Tonkinese ever voiced even likes want you to shut up director yeah we don't care about him selects then uses the orb to create the sleigh and the magical Reindeer as well just for the record that orbit can create life life it can literally make whatever the [ __ ] at once which brings up a really good question why the [ __ ] do you guys have a workshop to build toys when you have a magical orb that can make anything and everything oh [ __ ] off are you serious it's bad enough he's the most annoying character so far in the movie aside from everybody but we're really gonna give him a song that voice is just so bad [Music] [Music] this movie has a lot of [ __ ] pandering doesn't it my fro this movie has like absolutely no respect for children's intelligence at all right like this movie things I killed 11 literally anything yeah I mean anything like look I'm picking my nose look my ass look I just licked my foot it was [ __ ] disgusting are you stupid idiot kids out there laughing yet yeah I bet you are you're not well then you're too smart for this movie so we then cut to 1,400 years later because yeah nothing at all of importance could have happened within that time frame not how Santa became immortal not how Dingle became immortal how Christmas was started out everyone knew Santa Claus and fell in love with them why Dingle still commits crime absolutely nothing but yeah what do you think that important stuff needs to be talked about I think every gaining overestimate this movie's intelligence this movie was made for stupid kids who don't give a [ __ ] about anything except pretty [ __ ] colors and stupid [ __ ] moving on the screen so despite hating his brother Dingle has been living with his brother but him and his new wife Gisele have had enough and kick dingle out despite hating his brother and despite trying to murder each other years later Dingle is offended by this and once revenge against his brother I guess that counts as a motivation again even though they tried to murder each other all those years ago and then they became friends to the point where they decided to live with each other but Dingle still hated his brother for some reason men females more bipolar than sara is oh and by the way remember their plan to get their revenge against the pirate crew for their Muni and everything like that yeah don't worry because it's never brought up again yeah so you might as well forget about it the movie did Oh would you look at that [Music] how [ __ ] low of an opinion do you have your audience movie like no really how [ __ ] stupid do you think they are do you really think they won't know that if you unscrew a [ __ ] light bulb that it won't [ __ ] work so you can just lie to them and say oh yeah it won't matter like light bulbs they light up right that's what they [ __ ] do not unless they're [ __ ] screwed in you dumbasses I don't know if they're trying to [ __ ] fool kids or if you just genuinely drink paint every [ __ ] day and don't know that God's not dead was not this insulting ha was not this insufferably stupid alright and food fight was not this ugly yeah I said it food fight was not this ugly look at that [ __ ] face look at the teeth it looks like they're goddamn fused through a [ __ ] wit like a [ __ ] welding tool through his [ __ ] mouth my god and you want to know it's worse everyone in this movie is so unlikable they they are worse than carry from Sahara yeah I just said that every [ __ ] character in this movie is more unlikable than Gary from Sahara and the worst part of it is it's from a lack of trying alright Gary intentionally was meant to be unlikable we were supposed to hate his [ __ ] guts these characters are so [ __ ] stupid they couldn't make me like him if they wanted to because they're just too stupid to [ __ ] figure out that I hate every one of them everywhere in this movies a goddamn idiot and you're about to find out why so Dingle wants to take over Christmas despite having no interest in it whatsoever why he because he's a [ __ ] idiot so he challenges Santa close to a bowling game despite not really liking the game overall while I because he's a [ __ ] idiot Santa Claus accepts the challenge just by having absolutely nothing to gain from it and everything to lose why because it's a [ __ ] idiot and Dingle cheats in front of everybody so [ __ ] obviously but even if brain-dead Mar will be able to see it and yet surprising enough nobody sees this because they're all [ __ ] idiots but eventually they deduce that the guy who is known to be a liar a cheater and a criminal surprising enough lied and cheated as a result Santa Claus wins making his entire [ __ ] thing pointless why couldn't Dingle win here like even if he did cheat he should have won here the elves don't like him they didn't want to work for him and as a result they will and strike or need Santa to come back wouldn't that have made just a little bit of sense yeah I would that's why you didn't [ __ ] do it you hacks but that's ok because apparently Dingle has another evil plan just try and steal Christmas even though he doesn't care about Christmas and there's no point to him trying to steal it [ __ ] suck ass but apparently Dingles evil plan is so evil so malicious and so well thought out that we actually need a song to tell us about it goodie you know Tom kitty is a good singer he really is but does he really have to do this in the most nasally high-pitched whiny voice possible it's like a goddamn knife screwing in my ear to my brain it [ __ ] hurts also why is this on cold I love them uni weren't you kicked off your pirate ship because of them unique chances are you'd probably hate one oh god I can't do this guys like I can't do this anymore guys I I need some help so if if they're already volunteers I would like to take a crack at the song then then sure yeah thank your shots what in the seven layers of hell is this what am i even won't give it I thought letting the frosty and transformers three and two were bad enough for you Tom why are you doing this to yourself man why well this is unbelievably annoying well it did me a favor and um slither up there to the UM ceiling fan and then I mean while you're right there because this is like the most annoying thing that Tom Kenny has done since his role in time for Sue so wait you're telling me that Tom Kinney the Tom Kenny sung this song but this is the dude who gave us master of your fate what happened will you please shut up I mean God no one likes to hear your music thank you well that song is just made me officially drink bleach I hope you're satisfied please do not come to my funeral thank you kind of catchy actually six heavy desi penguins such a rush - horses dish stupid but I can't punch Oh funny and very giftable I make a gif of that very good so I like the song I think it's quite cute Hector's voice is okay I don't find it unpleasant overall I give that performance a 5 out of 10 now though I have to say the Penguins looked quite drunk so I'm I'm removing some points for that but overall okay thank you guys I'm glad to know that some of you share my pain while others y'all are crazy I mean yeah some y'all just crazy but thanks anyway I guess on with the review [ __ ] my life so as it turns out the toy count is down by six billion toys and apparently it's been hinted that Dingle had something to do with it what the [ __ ] did he do was six billion toys he probably [ __ ] them all of death remember do-do-do-do-do-do dream but seriously though we never get an explanation to what happened to those six billion units and apparently only two weeks before Christmas you guys are aware that that was practically the human population to the entire planet back in 2007 it's like really was no one guarding the toys was no one keeping check all year round at all like no you just you're just missing six billion toys like that and no one's gonna ask what happened to him well apparently as it turns out Lex was in charge of the toy count and yet he's never been off count before Lex what the [ __ ] have you been doing on gear we're better question why the [ __ ] we're not watching the toy count all year we'd all of a sudden 6 billion toys just up and disappear or were they never made the movie never [ __ ] explains what the [ __ ] happened at all so the penguin sabotage the Toy Machine tropicana gunpowder into Lex's hand and because of this Santa automatically the spot just believes that Lex did it on purpose even though he's never apparently done stuff like this before in the past and remember they've been working together for 1400 years but no Santa is just gonna accept this at face value he's just gonna think Lex is an [ __ ] out of nowhere now and as a result fires him just to clarify guys everyone just movies a [ __ ] idiot oh and some of you may be wondering why doesn't Lex just use that magical orbs thing of his to fix the Tor machine or recreate the six billion towards our lost on the blink again oh that's there's a reason it's on the fritz after 1400 years it's they decide to just stop working yeah soon shortly after Dingle goes to Santa's house to tell him that Lex ran away and is now stuck on the ice Santa who is still an idiot mind you actually believes his brother who tried to steal his job no more than ten minutes ago and actually runs after him take your shot you dumb [ __ ] what are you doing so I'm surprisingly because San is a big fat [ __ ] [ __ ] he gets stuck on the ice out there all alone meanwhile Dingle in the Penguins bought up the workshop yeah they blow up the workshop good job taking over Christmas guys [Music] yeah nice job their movie really inconsistent there the penguin can jump in the water and not freeze death that Santa freezes like that and don't bring up the fact that the pain was an aquatic bird that lives up there and still [ __ ] stupid [Music] what a really weird thing that just kind of came out of nowhere everything no bowling means no fun no fun no I think you're less on strike and more out of a job all right two weeks till Christmas six million toys short and your factory blew up yeah you're out of a job buddy but it's okay because Dingle takes charge and tells everyone that it's time to go to Fiji yeah because everyone's gonna work with the criminal who tried to steal Christmas again no more than ten minutes earlier in the movie but because they're all [ __ ] idiots they decide to work with Dingle anyway now suspecting any wrongdoing out of him whatsoever or even though he's been doing nothing but wrong doing the entire movie why are we trusting him so they get into a plane because the North Pole has a plane and they decide to watch a movie [Music] yeah come on these elves need something really intelligent wholesome Mikey emoji movie who are you no seriously who the [ __ ] are you apparently yeah the movie decides I have nowhere to give dinkle girlfriend yeah we're 50 minutes in and we're just gonna introduce a brand new character out of the [ __ ] blue like no literally out of the blue she's wearing blue see that see the joke I made there but yeah that's just great yeah why not let's just add more stupid [ __ ] characters to the movie because it's not super enough as it is [ __ ] me in the ass so the woman's name is I don't know if she has a name someone could tell me the comments but I'm just gonna call her gold digger so gold digger here actually has a resort in Fiji that apparently Dingle can set up operations for the new workshop why was she on the plane in the first place I don't [ __ ] know why was she in the North Pole I don't [ __ ] know why is she you have a place in Fiji I don't [ __ ] know alright it's it's at this point where it's just it's time to stop asking questions guys alright we're clearly not gonna get an explanation for anything at all so yeah we're in Fiji now and not-being go has a girlfriend and apparently some Island natives work at this resort and then we get to meet some of the natives and he have a chief and everything like that so the question is this is a resort and they're just the workers who were meant to dress to fit the theme where was this actually like a village where these guys live why am I asking questions I'm I'll never learn well I meanwhile back at the North Pole mrs. Claus find Santa frozen and ice and she gets him out by warming his heart I don't know this this moves weird it's so weird actually yeah was it was nothing but chance he got kicked off his boat he fell in the frozen waters turn into an ice cube and literally drifted via a ocean current to the North Pole where he was he just happened to be discovered by nothing but chance it was literally nothing but chance he became Santa Claus that in terrible writing o'clock opinions [Music] husband of the year guy's husband of the year seriously though I've got to save my elves who bros before hoes am i right so we didn't come back to Fiji where Dingle has apparently enslaved all the elves by hypnotizing them which is really stupid because he brought them the Fiji so they could have fun and build it boys voluntarily why are you enslaving them dude oh that's right because Dino is a one-dimensional villain whose sole purpose is to be evil okay if what he's doing isn't evil then it's out of character for him Oh would you look at that the orb is working again how convenient for dangle anyway because instead of using the orbit just blow him up like like should've he instead just let's Dingle steal it from him and he gets blowing away instead again everyone a [ __ ] idiot [Music] [Music] what you can't be serious Lex is a Jedi Oh so as it turns out the magic was inside of him all along yeah that makes no [ __ ] sense if the magic wasn't lacs all along then how the hell is Dingle able to use that magic in the orb too if the orb was just a tool meant to help Lex so Santa finally arrives here to save Christmas but Dingle decides to you oh my god okay normally I would love this all right bad day to 90 [ __ ] usually is my favorite thing ever I mean look at this they're wearing swimming trunks their weight sunglasses they do this and they even say gnarly they even say gnarly they really do but no no this movie is so [ __ ] bad it's ruined it for me all right even with this amazingness right here I can't [ __ ] enjoy it no good job I'll bowling the movie you literally took away my favorite thing and ruined it for me [ __ ] you so Satan is then captured and very NIC deep in sand dude why not just kill him I mean you had no qualms with killing him before why not just [ __ ] killing already like you're the big bad evil guy just [ __ ] kill him already hey only I can say gnarly and make it sound cool dude so eventually Lex discover Santa buried deep in sand and has an important question to ask him why the hell do you still think he wrote that letter it's obvious that Dingle lied to you again are you that [ __ ] dense god it was you realize the truth that I didn't need to be ashamed that given toys and happiness to all the children of the world it so will always have a place deep in my heart as we closest friend and as the kindest yeah sure whatever makes is moving in faster whatever works for you did you make six billion toys and a few hours what did you use that magic or but you shouldn't be able to use at all because that would actually make some biz sensor right no no no I'm thinking again I shouldn't be doing that bus it kind of sends a really weird message don't you think apparently being in slave is the best thing for Christmas because if they'd worn in slave they wouldn't have made those toys to save Christmas so like movie where you try and tell me here you tell me that slavery is a good thing so now the Santa is free he and Lux decide to try and free the other elves but when they find out the workshop is guarded they get help from the chief who decided to play some drums and I have no idea what to say about this I really do not wait what did you say Bona CH Boni boobies what the [ __ ] dude they say there's gotta be some way to turn this wholeness around yes are you [ __ ] kidding me you're not you're seriously not you're ripping off rat-tat touring are you kidding me oh my god [ __ ] idiots [Music] but unlike rat that 20 where they eventually discovered how to turn on the fan here they do it by complete [ __ ] accident proving that the characters in this movie are actually stupider than in right to a toy that is a new [ __ ] law [Music] well that is a very good question I don't know maybe deagle mistook you for one of his toys doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo Dingle trick this he wrote that letter yeah let's get the guy that actually somewhat helped save Christmas in a weird way wait he's he the bad guy actually I think he's done more good than any other care in his movie as so Santa runs after Dingle who is finally taking off to deliver Christmas me well mrs. Claus finally arrives in a taxi don't ask questions just accept everything okay this really has anything it's the way she said that line there she says it like a three-year-old like Santa wait I know what to do [Music] and Santa would accept your challenge why oh that's right because it's a [ __ ] idiot dude you have nothing again just everything to [ __ ] lose also I could lead for God bowling isn't it up just shut the [ __ ] up so we have yet another bowling match between Santa and Dingle and once again nobody expects that the lying cheater might lie and cheat to win which is exactly what he does and again everyone's so [ __ ] stupid that no one sees it coming or even sees it when he does it blatantly in front of everybody hell it's even weirder when Santa literally holds a bomb rolls the bomb at the pins and for some reason the bomb doesn't knock the pins over because yeah that makes so much sense yeah the now the movies just ignoring real physics whatever but as it turns out the chief saw everything and actually videotaped it because he was apparently the only one that saw the lying cheat being your lying cheat surprisingly enough so he tied the Penguins to Rockets and murders them deagle gets a rocket up his ass and Santa is crowned the king of Christmas again because we gotta wrap this movie up so thank God no one had complained about just needlessly murdering the villains like that but no I don't care yeah [ __ ] this movie [ __ ] everything I always everyone died that's the only way this movie would be a lot better if every one [ __ ] died in it all ready for takeoff and we made it just in time thanks to you no thanks to you sensing the [ __ ] y'all didn't do [ __ ] [ __ ] diggle's and one I made all the presents and Dingle don't want to save Christmas but what he get over [ __ ] rocking up the ass and said to space no you no no no no I'm not complaining about it nope the more people who die about you this piece of [ __ ] the better but before we in this piece of [ __ ] we have to go up to the North Pole where Lex can just magically fix everything that was destroyed yeah have a happy ending yeah sorry no god this [ __ ] [ __ ] was terrible this was the worst thing I ever seen period this movie was the worst thing I've ever seen in my life period everything about it was just [ __ ] terrible the animation is awful it's ugly it's bull jeez it's so goddamn slow and stiff all the time it makes me wanna throw up the characters are all idiots all right with no motivation towards anything and lacking any form of common sense one so ever the story is ridiculous it's contrived it's forced it's inconsistent it does whatever the [ __ ] it once at you for no rhyme or reason expecting you there just taking at face value and that's all this [ __ ] movie was it's just random [ __ ] they threw at you just to test to test your limits to see how long you went before you [ __ ] broke and I broke at the 20-minute mark I didn't make it that long now I'm a very tolerant person when it comes to bad movies all right i sat through God's not dead I sat through hob i sat there Astro Boy i sat through [ __ ] food fight I survived those movies but 20 minutes of ELF bowling the movies made me lose my goddamn sanity please for the love of Christ do not watch this movie you can watch all the reviews you want you can watch the mysterious mr. editor you can watch Bob show you can watch anyone else's review but I promise you I promise you we do not do this movie justice all right we can tear this movie to shreds and it will never be enough to get rid of the horrible [ __ ] [ __ ] state that this film put on the animation world I mean [ __ ] get food fights and credit that movie spent nine years in development hell alright any movie animated or otherwise would come out being a piece of [ __ ] but not this movie as far as I know this is how the movie was supposed to come out alright this is what we ordered this is now the movie came packaged and delivered or front door this steaming pile of [ __ ] this is what we got and [ __ ] and it's over it's [ __ ] over that's the best thing I can say about it it's over it's finally over I now have to look at this piece of [ __ ] ever again so that was out bullying the movie literally the worst movie I've ever seen in my life worse than God's not dead worse than food fight worse than the emoji movie this was worse than that I [ __ ] swear [Music] my name is virgin blade Merry Christmas Happy Holidays I'll see you next year hopefully I'm out of the [ __ ] asylum by then [Music] [Music]

Channel: RaisorBlade

Views: 16,833

Keywords: Elf Bowling, Elf Bowling: The Movie, RaisorBlade, Reviews, Antoni Matteo Garcia, Brandon Croker, The Bambi Man, Christopher Kapelet, Critical Kid, Luke Jeffers, Matt Scott, Nathalie Aiello, Zlata Suchinin

Id: wrF3zNiaZxE

Length: 51min 7sec (3067 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 26 2017