Egil Skallagrimsson : Violent Viking Poet - 1241

rogues gallery real historical figures conducting themselves in a disgraceful manner Sahgal out versus curses and terrified nurses with i'il skala Grimson iceland 1241 gather round and let me tell you a tale of when men were men not like the popinjays of today these were real men men who waded in blood consigned their enemies to help and wrote fine poetry I speak of the Norseman hooba strode the world 300 years gone worshipping the old gods with fire and fury in their hearts of all these mighty warriors none was more worthy of Valhalla then I yield scholar Grimson his saga is one of the finest works of Icelandic literature although it dates from a time before anybody here wrote anything down on parchment are you prepared to hear my words and feel deep shame at your own paltry achievements for in comparison to a heel you are no more than worms feasting on the excrement of dogs you are then I'll begin it was in the ninth century after the birth of Jesus that al was born in Iceland his father known as Scalla grim or green the bald had fled Norway and settled in this remote land following a feud with the Norwegian King Harald during which he'd killed two of the royal cousins despite being bald groom himself had fathered two sons one was fair of face but his brother Hale was not a wide jutting forehead was topped with shaggy black hair while below thick joined-up eyebrows slanted unevenly above a huge chin that looked like the digging end of a large spade in later years the unnatural thickness of his skull bones would cause a eel to like in his head to a Helms rock something that proved very useful in battle the saga begins during his childhood in his third year a eel was already as tall and as strong as boys twice his age and could converse with his elders in the most eloquent manner his father had been invited to a feast were there been much drinking in merriment little al asked if he could attend but his request was refused you shall not go his father said for you know not how to behave yourself in company where there is much drinking what three-year-old of spirit does as the party rode away mischievious al mounted one of his father's horses and though the hour was getting late followed the many miles to the feasting hall when he entered the host greeted him with much joy although his father was furious at being disobeyed later as the ale flowed the men recited poetry in praise of heroic deeds three year old a heel composed and recited a verse of his own in honor of the host a verse that won the admiration of all who heard it what an adorable little wolf cub but he was not always so sensitive at the age of seven a heel was known to be headstrong and passionate he enjoyed wrestling and playing rough games of ball with the other boys during one such game he met his match in the 11-year old son of a rival chieftain who threw him to the ground and taunted him saying that he'd thrash al if he didn't behave his pride in tatters a yield picked himself up and walked away two hoots of derision from the other players he returned a few minutes later carrying his brothers war ax and while his torment around laughing with the ball sprinted up behind him and with a vicious swing cleft is heading to leaving the older boy dead upon the playing field no more laughter was heard that day I can tell you in the resulting fight seven men lost their lives I yield mother was heard to say that the deed showed her son had the makings of a fine freebooter this insane blinding berserker fury was something that as well as early baldness he inherited from his father by 12 Al was the size and strength of a full-grown man his best friend was a 20 year old by the name of Thord and they still played ball but this time against adults including his father Green during one lively game they played so hard that the aging warrior had to leave the field and exhaustion he took this loss of face in good part until later that evening when after a few ales we beat thorn into a bloody pulp on the floor of the longhouse and just to remind everybody that he was still a Viking began to throttle his own son a maid who had nursed a heal as a child stayed his hand at which point dream turned upon her and chased the kindly woman screaming into the open air running in terror she fled to the headland pursued by the rage consumed Norseman to avoid his choking grip she jumped into the sea but as she swam away Green picked up a heavy stone from the shore and threw it with all his strength his aim was true and the stone struck us so hard between the shoulder blades that she sank lifeless below the waves back at the longhouse he resumed his seat at table oblivious to the somewhat awkward silence that he'd left behind sitting nearby was a fellow who managed green's household and more importantly his money a highly valued aide he'd become one of Green's closest friends like the others in the room he turned his head to watch as a yield still rubbing his throat angrily strode to take his seat to a Norseman however no loss goes unavenged and his place in green's affection had sealed his doom hale who knew how fond his father was of him killed the inoffensive coin counter with a single blow of his sword as his body slumped bleeding over the table the lad then calmly sat down the meal continued with not a word spoken as perhaps can be expected relations between father and son were somewhat strained for several months after the incident many of the examples of young ales passionate nature once he accompanied a house car loved his father's on a visit to a small nearby Island in order to collect rents they rode all the way there and arrived soaked to the skin and freezing cold the island's King had a steward by the name of Bard who greeted them at a nearby farmstead and offered them food and shelter he would have offered them ale but he knew that his king and queen would do to visit the farm and he wanted to save it for them so instead he offered the weary sailors an inferior brew made from curds when the royal couple arrived they invited the sailors to attend them and when he realized that they'd been denied alcohol in their time of need a yield proceeded to drink bards entire supply horn after horn our horn becoming more and more loud and abusive as he did so in fact so disagreeable was he that the Queen tried to poison him in an attempt to stop him consuming anymore he'll however noticed the deception and when one of his companions staggered to the doorway in order to be sick he accompanied him with his sword drawn beneath his cloak cunning bard followed and tried to entice him to drink more poison at which point he'll thrust the sword subtly through his stomach leaving his dead drunk friend lying on the doorstep in a widening pool of blood next to the actually dead body of the disrespectful steward a heel was hunted across the island for that night's work swimming to yet another even smaller island for safety and then killing the three men who tried to capture him when he finally returned home the first thing he did was to compose a poem about the experience all was soon forgiven a fine was paid for the murder the islands King said that treacherous bard got what was coming to him and no feelings were harmed they certainly knew how to settle disputes in the old days as he grew to manhood a heel roamed the seas around Iceland fought as a mercenary in England and ranged across Norway raiding fighting and composing verses as he went who can forget the humorous story of when Al and his men were captured on a harrying expedition by a wealthy farmer and he was tied to a stout wooden post to await retribution with a flex of his mighty fuse he simply uprooted the post and used it to batter down the door of his prison then he freed his companions and stealthily robbed the farmers home while all within slept back at the longship his crew were eager to sail away with the gold but he'll turn back stealth in the night he said was not the Viking Way returning to the farmhouse he did the honorable and manly thing setting it ablaze and then slaughtering the farmer his family and his household as they fled in terror from the flames before they died all of them certainly knew who had robbed them do you know he wants charmed the daughter of an earl who chided him for sitting in her seat at a banquet by delivering a verse about setting his enemies rubes on fire and then putting them with sword and spear she was much taken with his ready wit and the two enjoyed flirtatious merriment and till dawn i'il skilled with words were as powerful as his prowess with the blade you hated him with as much passion as Eric blood acts the king of Norway who hadn't forgotten the debt that was owed to his family by ales father when Al once found himself in blood acts his hands after a shipwreck his death was all but assured however because the Norse tradition forbids anybody being executed at night al was kept in prison until the morning in that time as he sat and waited his bloody fate when other men would weep and soil themselves he composed a poem of such stirring magnificence that when blood ax heard it he forgave him on the spot the poem was written in a style that was both new and exciting to a fellow Norseman in that the words at the end of each line rhymed with one another verse it is said is the spear of the poet and Al was a Viking who knew how to throw it just a little example there many challenged al to single combat but none could best him jot the pail was a giant of a man but after spending the whole day drinking a eel still beat him into exhaustion while at the same time taunting him with insulting poetry before finally chopping his leg off above the knee and what of Atlee the short he fought well and in a savage combat both men hacked the other shields into splintered fragments after a while with opportunities to drink undoubtedly being wasted a sword listened frustrated al simply tore out his opponents throat with his bare teeth al was it's true quick to anger but there was a kindness to him that sometimes led to acts of great mercy our mod the beard was a wealthy landowner who hosted Al and his men at a feast in their honor and much al was drunk when he's young daughter at her mother's insistence recited a verse to their honored guest our mod struck her violently and scolded her to all present offended Al spent many hours afterwards drinking armored hall empty avail even ordering his men to stop their drinking so he could imbibe their share when even his body could contain no more he then held our mod down in his seat while vomiting the hosts generosity back into his face in the morning still offended he broke into our mods bedchamber and as his wife and daughter begged sobbing for his life he cut off the man's impressive beard with a dagger before gouging out one of his eyes as I said a great mercy al sagar is full of battle bloodshed vengeance harrying murder and poetry it's also 92 chapters long and I need a piss so let's skip to the end such was his skill at arms he'll never met his death in battle as his endorsements right sadly he grew old and wracked with headaches the increasing weight of his older like skull pulling him down into a hunched stoop as he felt death's hand approaching and in a final act worthy of a Viking warrior he took his servant with him into the woods and buried the silver treasure of a lifetime's worth of plundering in a secluded location with the last of his remaining strength he then wisely murdered the servant to keep his secret safe and returned home to die where's the treasure now no one knows how much of the saga is true how much of any saga is true was a yield scholar Grimson a man among men without doubt does he compare to spend fort beard well now there was a fighter you

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Id: ouVbnZ-DBIA

Length: 12min 40sec (760 seconds)

Published: Sat Feb 24 2018