I want to tell you what normally
happens as someone is dying. Dying, just like being born, is a process
our bodies go through quite naturally with recognised phases that are
pretty much the same for everyone. It's all very ordinary. At first our bodies grow weary. We need more sleep, less food, we
may lose our appetite altogether. Some days we can manage an outing,
or visitors, or watching TV. Other days we mainly sleep. All this is normal. Inside our weary bodies, changes are happening. All our systems are running out
of energy. Digestion slows down. Our heart may not pump as strongly.
Our organs might slow down. All normal. Aside from the physical, I've noticed
that dying people's perspective often shifts from themselves to others. The same last messages:
I'm sorry. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you. Most people are not conscious
by the time they die. We don't know when we're unconscious. We
don't notice time passing or feel our body. It doesn't feel like going to sleep,
it's just a state of non-awareness. To begin with, dying people might
only be unconscious some of the time. In between, they may wake
up and talk, or sip drinks or listen to the people around
them chatting. That's normal. They may become a bit muddled or restless. It helps when people hold their hand
and talk in soothing gentle tones. Familiar trusted voices calm and comfort. Unconscious people breathe in an unusual way. Their breathing pattern gradually
changes backwards and forwards between deep and shallow, and
between fast and slower breaths. This is normal, and they can make unusual noises. If their breath vibrates their voice box,
it might sound like a sigh or a moan. Sometimes their breath gurgles or
rattles. It's not uncomfortable. It's a completely normal part of dying. Hearing is the last sense to go. That's why loved ones and
caregivers can keep talking while the dying person is unconscious. It's why some people make end of life playlists. What about the moment of dying? Well it's usually very gentle. Our
breathing gets slower and more shallow. And then it just very gently stops. A few minutes later our heart stops too. That's it. No fuss, or fear, or panic. Of course saying goodbye to people we love is sad but knowing what to expect
takes away a lot of the fear. I've met so many bereaved people who
wish they had talked about dying more. I've never met a person who regretted
having those important conversations. We need to talk about it, because talking about
death will help us to live together better.
