Duke Nukem Forever Angry Review

[Music] it's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum and I've got plenty of gum huh that's guard those wall Bub's all right now this is more like it all right shake it baby you I'm not really sure how to break the news how do I approach this now legendary game having been in development for over 12 years you know somebody said something funny to me imagine waiting 12 years to see a firecracker go off it wouldn't matter if somebody told you it's a dud you still want to see it for yourself that's what this games like and there's no way in hell that my review is gonna keep those of you who want to buy the game away from it especially Duke fans you probably already bought it balls of steel edition but I bet you have a little bit of buyer's remorse i oughtta break up broom-handle up in your ass Duke Forever has had many behind-the-scenes iterations do you remember this one back in 2001 [Music] [Applause] what happened to this game I want to play this one after having played our version of Duke Nukem Forever this one looks a lot less boring help some of the textures and animations and backgrounds are even better than this version from 2001 [Music] and I'd be willing to bet there were more interesting guns and NPCs and what happened to the prospector an enemy variety with the aliens taking over the bodies of EDF soldiers with tentacles everywhere oh that sounds way more interesting no instead we get this lame jokes about current games when nuke walks up to a puzzle with a bunch of pipes he cracks a joke at valves expense but he filled puzzles but then goes on right ahead to do the lame-ass puzzle that's not Duke Duke would never do that Duke would say hey [ __ ] your puzzle yourself puzzles I think we all knew that it wouldn't live up to its hype and expectations for a 12-year development hell cycle but in the end I think we all secretly hope that the game would be a little bit better than it ended up and I don't have any idea of who to put the blame on does it go to 3d realms tryptic games piranha Games 2k games or gearbox so here we go anyway the game is marred by framerate issues long load times every 10 minutes and very low res textures and backgrounds and that's even if they load if they pop in like 15 seconds after you load it up the game after waiting all that time now granted the graphics might look as you should expect from a game that started you know 12 years ago and that have been updated time after time again half of them are ugly really low res is if they didn't take the time to upgrade those particular textures yet somehow found time to upgrade others now some have defended this game by saying it's a blast from the past this is the way it's supposed to be that's just not the case why then does it have a two weapon limit from Halo instead of the full duke arsenal kill anything in any way you want or why does it have regenerating health ala halo no this isn't a blast from the past and you have to face the facts it's a cookie-cutter modern FPS with the duke paint job a damn good paint job but ultimately it's hard to look over that your car is a piece of [ __ ] what am i a chimpanzee what the hell no come on no the game wants you to engage in first-person linear platforming puzzles I freakin hate first-person platforming I mean sometimes they make sense and they can vary the gameplay the problem here the physics are downright terrible it's a chore to do anything Duke feels like he's floating on a popular bear the aiming still feels off after many tweaks in the option menu and the guns have absolutely no punch to them except for the badass shotgun the physics are brought to the forefront even more so when you're interacting with one of the minigames because the whole thing about Duke is that there are several like interactive environment bits but these minigames are a joke there's zero effort put into them pinball is barely playable how do you [ __ ] up pinball they've good bowls of fail if you're gonna include minigames then include them this is 2011 showed us that you care what the [ __ ] the reason why these games were simplistic back then because that was 15 years ago but today you can act like you give a damn the basketball hoops like deflect your balls as if they have like a magnet and come back and hit your face and the air hockey game is so embarrassing I felt embarrassed just forcing myself to win a game if [ __ ] around with stuff was the icing on the cake and Duke Nukem 3 was the icing tastes like [ __ ] and forever oh that's right because you literally play with [ __ ] no what am i doing what kind of sick [ __ ] picks up wet feces caca poopoo peepee if you're gonna be encouraged to piss on and [ __ ] around with everything to increase your ego then put more effort into it thanks to the aliens I'll never get that moment back you [ __ ] amateur we're done we're done professionally man you're a nice guy you're a nice guy but you don't get it [ __ ] thanks dick yeah that guy was a douche this eagle this regenerating health regenerating health in Duke Nukem that means instead of exploring levels for health packs or the most badass weapons or even the jet pack which is nowhere to be found in single-player you're hiding behind walls rocks and pillars half the game now what was it the Duke said about power armor good we got your great power armor over here ready to go power armor is for [ __ ] isn't his ego meter acting the same way as Master Chief's being forced to carry two weapons is probably the biggest complaint in the game and a lot of reviewers have touched on it because basically because you can't kill bosses any other way except for rocket launchers explosives you're gonna carry one rocket launcher explosive weapon if you're smart the entire game leaving one spot open for you and since all the other get guns pretty much suck and it's hard to tell if you're hurting them you're gonna be used the shot gun why in a game like this are you forcing mechanics like this down our throat this is Duke this is not halo it doesn't have to be halo for us to like it the fun weapons like the freeze ray and the shrink ray are diminished because of this you're barely gonna use them for a few shots or so half of the game though is spent on fantastic lovely turret sections you know Craven love I can't wait to get to the next turn section either that are the driving sequences that are extremely well done I mean I felt like I was in the middle of a real racing game only I checked the [ __ ] box art and it says I'm supposed to be playing [ __ ] Duke Nukem we apologize for this momentary angry outburst we realize that vehicle sections and turret sections can be both fun and interesting unfortunately in Duke Nukem Forever they are the things that you remember the most for being bad rather than being good at peace yeah but no instead do them around with this kind of stuff for hours instead of being a badass like Duke is it's padding in the worst kind of way one thing though that the game can lay claim to is that it is varied because of all those different types of sections and there are some legit fun levels in the game like the ghost town showdown but for every level like that there's four or five that feel like padding or worse disturbing the hive in particular is getting a lot of negative attention not only are there the creepy wall boobs yet so right but girls are seemingly being raped but thankfully only implied I get what they're trying to do here they're trying to shock the hell out of you to make you really care what you're fighting for those are our babes that those alien [ __ ] are raping how dare they kill our chicks looks like you [ __ ] Duke it was our first time okay with an alien Oh God sick what the [ __ ] in a better game this might have worked but it just feels tasteless here because it's not backed up by any substance at all you want to push the envelope and push it with the hot chicks and Duke oh yeah right there that was fun was he good for you baby what about the game Duke was it any good yeah but after 12 [ __ ] years it should be I think what blows me away the most is how little was added to the Duke mythology the weapons are mostly the same ones from 1996 the enemies are pretty much all the same and very poorly animated at that we had several teams working on this game teams of really smart people and this is what they came up with why is there no freakin hidden things or rewarding secrets unless you count dead space or or the insult to halo much better games power Arbor is for [ __ ] huh so that's a [ __ ] thing to do yet drinking one beer and getting shit-faced that's not [ __ ] [Music] [Music] coochie-coochie boy if you could put up with linear gameplay a turret section every now and then vehicle driving [ __ ] around with things and relatively not that much shooting but the whole Duke Nukem experience spitting out his one-liners though them feeling a lot more lazy this time then this game might be alright for you and there's a lot of it the game took me around you know 12 to 15 hours to complete but it leaves on a pretty shitty ending even dupes as it is what kind of [ __ ] ending is that now I thought maybe Duke can make up for this barely average game with the multiplayer but it's no wonder that reviewers for this game don't even touch on multiplayer because it's barely worth mentioning it's extremely old-school in a bad way there's the deathmatch stuff capture the flag and king of the hill capture the flag is the most innovative thing that they can come up with which is basically capture the babe now the floaty movement the lackluster weapons and the crappy aiming are all put on really focused display here they're not even trying to be innovative and even capture the babe is just window dressing even slapping that [ __ ] on the ass isn't gratifying when she puts her hand in your face as you're trying to bring him back to your base explain that handprint I guess I've been playing for the wrong team what else there's ten multiplayer maps everybody plays is a variation of Duke and if you use anything but the rocket launcher you're screwed if you were to play multiplayer long enough you earn experience to unlock silly hats and Static achievements that you can then go and visit in digs your digs is a sort of virtual cribs mode all those curves and me with no brakes miss your Duke you have been working so odd get out of those dirty clothes and you're not safe from glitches even in this game oh look at this crazy-ass one I have an Emma Frost from x-men in my dig dear diary jackpot [Music] no again something that may have worked in a better game especially if those mini games were at all fun to replay in your game room but I'm gonna bet that the multiplayer community for this game is gonna die out pretty quickly the game just doesn't feel like a $60 experience maybe it was stupid to expect more from duke nukem after all of the problems that this game had been made and the development cycle but I at least expected something a little bit more fresh for Duke fans than this cookie cutter copy/paste modern first-person shooter the final verdict for Duke Nukem Forever is a 4 out of 10 it's barely average for Duke I expect it better and maybe this game would have spanked major babe ass back in the 9th late 90s or 2000s but by today's standards it doesn't hold up they should have thrown everything out and restarted and given Duke the treatment he needed which they did do that but the treatment they gave us 4 out of 10 now I heard the PC version is superior shorter load times less graphical glitches better graphics and that probably would have rated slightly higher so if you plan to it experience this legend of a game then pick it up on PC I only hope that Duke gets another shot gearbox bought the license looking towards the future and I hope Randy just moves straight on forward with a full focused development cycle clever writing new technology and everything that makes Duke great I hate to piss on Duke this way but unfortunately this outing is hardly worth the time money or effort and ultimately it needs to be treated to do quick you

Channel: AngryJoeShow

Views: 3,613,203

Keywords: Duke Nukem Forever, Game Review, Angry Joe, Xbox 360, Ps3, PC, gameplay, 3d Realms, playstation, games, xbox360, parody

Id: MZJ4BiIEhAo

Length: 20min 22sec (1222 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 22 2011