Don't Let Stupid Money Decisions From the Past Define Your Future

[Music] you can be intentional about your character you can have money and a career you are the hero in your story live from the headquarters of ramsey solutions broadcasting from the dollar car rental studio this is the dave ramsey show where america hangs out to have a conversation about your life your work and your money i'm john deloney host of the dr john deloney show and part of the ramsey network i'm here with my good friend and colleague host of the world famous ken coleman show the one and only mr ken coleman how are you doing good man you actually have to turn your mic on you actually have to hit that on button folks a little behind the scenes there's a square right here and it says on and when you press it the mic works so there you go but i'm doing well friend it's always good to be with you we had a blast together not too long ago oh you were looking at that funny video i was yeah it looks good we like to share videos together we all sit in the same room and uh dude we had a blast last time talking we talked money we took money calls we also took calls about your side of the things relationships tell them what you do tell them what i do and what we're going to take today so dave likes to remind people that for for 25 30 years he's talked to people about getting out of debt about their money and that money is a symptom usually of bigger challenges in folks life the way you handle money is often how you handle other crisis in your life and so i do mental health i've got a history of working in crisis response working with relationships helping people make the next right decision when things feel like it's all piling in on top of them yeah and you do it well well i appreciate that and one of the big crossovers that you and i have yeah is people look in the mirror they don't like themselves they struggle in their relationships they struggle with their money and that carries over into the place where they spend most of their time every day which is work that's right and you know the world view that most people have of work john is that i work to live in other words i work to get a paycheck so that i can take care of my basics we talk about the four walls of ramsey and then if we got a little left over some memories some vacations maybe some toys and the problem with that world view of work is that work just becomes this utilitarian function that i just say well if if this is what i do i work to live and then i start to think that my life is worth my salary and if i don't have as many toys or i don't have as big a house or you know it puts the wrong emphasis on work right if work is just about money or value money being monetary value you and i talk about this that's exactly right well the ramsey solutions world view of work is that we live to work now some people are going what no no no it's not workaholic it's not putting all my value in work it's not that i live and i don't i don't value my family i don't value relationships it's just all about the climb and i just live to work well no no no it's that let's take the word work and let's switch it out for a second and call it contribute i live to contribute i was created to contribute now it's different right now we find purpose in our work so where does this come from you don't have to train a kid john you and i both have kids you don't have to train a kid to say no you don't have to train a kid how to steal a toy from their friend there's just certain things that we as humans come into this world hardwired to do nobody tells us how to do it one of the things that we do as humans we all lay awake at some point in our life and we go why am i here yeah you and i agree on this we i think purpose in your life is achieved in two major areas relationships that's where you specialize i was created to play a role in my relationships for me husband father brother community member son teammate right community member in in williamson county whatever and then the other side is work purpose in our work so when i say that we are created to contribute that we were created to work it's that our purpose in our work is about blessing others or contributing to others so i was created to fill a unique role because i was given talent things i do well i was given passion which means i love to do certain things you'd have to teach me that i just figured it out one day oh i love doing this hate doing this and then we all long to create results that matter to us for some of you are listening today or watching you want to help single moms i took a call today on the ken coleman show lady wants to leave a successful career in accounting to work for a non-profit to stop sex trafficking there's a deep why there yep there's a result that she's looking to put out there and so that's the beauty of it so that's the that's the answer is to figure out wait a second what was i created to do and there's multiple answers multiple jobs multiple career paths multiple dream jobs if you want to say that but that's where we all are united through politics geography all out the window what unites us all at least one thing so we all want to make a difference in the world and so i so there you go my default setting ken is to look at i want to be a doctor i want to help i want to help stop you know sex trafficking i want to fill in the blank i was going through the attic putting some christmas stuff away and i had that moment that we've all had where you look up and you go oh my gosh is that a leak and then i got a flashlight and looked closer and closer and sure enough i got this metal roof that you know the leaks coming through or all the the little grommets have have ground away call the roofer out he walks through it with me ken that guy was alive yeah he was his whole thing was i'm gonna help he said i do roofs in williamson county which if you don't know is where big fancy houses are right and i'm even out way out in the country right where the houses aren't so big and so fancy listen he took it upon himself to say hey there's people out there helping other people get well we got doctors out here we've got musicians out here we've got business owners out here i'm going to make sure their house stays whole their families stay warm i'm going to make sure they have a roof on their house and he felt it man he feels alive let me tell you why this is so great we'll break it down talent passion mission right here's with that guy he's really talented at fixing stuff yeah fixing things there are some people like you who are talented at fixing people uh or walking with people right yeah yeah this guy likes working with his hands he's good at working with his hands he's good at fixing stuff he loves solving problems that's passion what kind of problems do you want to solve thing problems but in solving thing problems fixing a hole in the roof you i mean he was the most popular person in your house not you right your wife loved him more in that moment she said you why he was really good looking but also he can actually solve our problems he solved a massive stress problem for the deloney family and so guys that are working on hvac systems plumbing problems at three in the morning your work matters as much as the brain surgeon but he could walk around this community because his head held low good because we all as a roofer right that's all i do and he's tapped into something bigger yeah he's playing a larger role he's a he's a he's a cornerstone of our community because he sees himself that way so here's the deal that's where john and i we're on the same page so we can take your money questions we can take your relationship questions you know you got your your house blowing up you're having ugly political conversations uh you got a boss who is just an absolute nightmare bully oh we love those because we take them on from a different way and so we're going to take your work questions if you want to learn how to get promoted ken i want to know how to present better in the office in my next meeting my next presentation uh i i need help with this problem hey ken you helped me the other day president better when you looked at the way i was dressed and you said come on man it is true we may discuss that i did have to help him it was uh it was hard but he got it it was all in good fun you just can't wear those shoes and be a doctor that was what it boiled down to there's a little teeth evidently we're not pinch rolling our pants anymore america hey we're going to that one this is the dave ramsey show [Music] [Music] what makes our show unique is that we genuinely care about our listeners we're intentional about choosing the best advertisers to recommend blinds.com is no exception they offer high quality window treatments at unbelievable prices and they make it simple to shop blinds shades and interior shutters with easy online ordering free shipping and a guaranteed perfect fit go to blinds.com and take advantage of this week's special savings [Music] so welcome back to the dave ramsey show i'm john dalone with my good friend ken coleman we are taking your calls on your life your work your purpose your relationships and we'll even take a few money calls and our advice will be worth the price you pay for it let's go to esteban in orlando florida esteban how are we doing we're doing amazing guys how are y'all doing very very good how can we help man um well first of all i'd like to thank y'all for the work that you guys do god bless all the ramsey personalities uh you guys have been a great impact in my life um uh so my question is the following i'm currently in baby step two i am basically two thousand two hundred and sixty dollars away from jumping into baby set three hey hey boy way to go man that's awesome yeah appreciate it um i spoke to ken over a year ago i work in the service industry right now um however i've always wanted to do digital illustrations last year i landed a contract with a person in another state i thought i began what is it advertising myself and i've gotten side jobs by commissions now uh because the entry wasn't consistent i did uh follow uh ken coleman's advice for you know for setting up an interview and landing a job and i'm currently heading on to i'm heading to one today oh yeah nowhere it's nowhere near my sweet spot um so my question is the following okay should i take the job if it's ever you know offered to me um or should i continue my side job and the reason why i'm asking that is because given my uh the fact that i have a full time and this will be my second uh job it wouldn't leave space for doing any more illustrations and you're current and you're currently making some money here and there contract uh work for digital illustrations is that correct yes sir no i would not take this second job you've already got a full-time job and you're 2 200 uh away from being debt-free then you begin to work on baby step 3 and that's at that 3-6 months i wouldn't take it if you're getting you're still getting jobs doing digital illustration because that is bringing some extra money that's going to help with the whole uh baby step plan uh but if you take that second job you're going to make more money obviously and it's going to fast forward your steps but what would it do to the goal of getting that uh additional experience you need to put yourself in a position where you get the full-time job doing what it is you want to do digital illustrations i'll be completely honest with you all ken uh i never studied digital illustration um and i'm so glad it didn't happen because i was about to sign myself and my mom for a 72 grand back in 2010 for uh exactly and i'm after knowing you guys and the biggest epsilon i'm so glad that didn't happen um but it does leave me with somewhat of a gap of the knowledge so basically i'm just going off of youtube to learn off of other artists um but the second job as i was talking to you guys would be nowhere near again my sweet spot it would just be a home improvement uh a job so it would just push me back further away from from what you currently speak on yeah what i'm saying is it would be one thing if you had to have the money i would say yes press pause on the dream job chase but you don't you're not in that situation you're actually making progress you're on your way um the fact that you self-taught and you're watching stuff on youtube gets me all excited because it's like nobody cares where you went to school the only question i have because i'm not as familiar with the digital illustration field esteban is it doesn't it sound like to me that it does require a college degree it doesn't sound like that but is it is it favored uh or are you just learning that it might be a little bit harder to gain the actual basic skills tell me tell me what the answer is there well sir uh based on on what i've seen online on what i've read articles and whatnot a lot of artists if i may use the term are banking um with not even you know the degree so i've even questioned myself i kind of stopped even thinking about pursuing a degree on that good yeah condole that's all i needed to know i'm so excited here's why folks let me give this real quick john you jump in but i want everybody to hear this and this is really for a lot of parents too there's this cultural pressure and you're a big education guy i got to forget this guy's a dean next to me but i'm gonna say this to where john doesn't even disagree there's a cultural pressure that that has been put on our parents and our kids that you've got to go to college as the rite of passage to success that's a bunch of hot stinking garbage here's how you determine if college is the right decision is it the only way to get qualified the only way to get a ticket to the ball or is it the best way now if it's the only way in the best way i still want you to do what our pal anthony o'neil says and do it the debt free way that's exactly right but in this situation esteban is a great example of there's a lot of people that have gone out and got a degree in it and probably learned some really valuable stuff in a classroom i'm not saying that it's not valuable nor am i saying it's not helpful what i'm saying is if you don't need it and you want to go a little bit take a little bit longer maybe and have to do a lot more you know self-taught kind of figuring that out if you're willing to do that you can get there and he's an example what this boils down to is do you have the artistic talent and then can you go get the experience that's exactly right i can't hear your mark i can't imagine somebody sitting down at the disney corporation and them saying man that's an incredible drawing which we should agree from or the vice versa hey i went to a fancy pants university yeah i'm not the best drawer but check out this certificate right they're not going to care about that oh go ahead i'm sorry go ahead i'm wondering i feel like you called us and you already knew the answer to the call so why why are you taking this other job you don't want it it's not going to get you where you want to go you don't we could all use extra money but you don't need the money why are you putting this on yourself right um so i'll be really honest um ever since covet uh hit us uh at least my industry um it's left me with a very small uh uh or a tight budget um if i only have like maybe you know maybe two hundred dollars or you know 150 left after all bills are paid groceries and whatnot okay and i guess i became so infatuated with i gotta get the babysitters done i gotta run for this gotta go for the kill and once there you go brother i got you right okay so okay so that's a little bit more information than i had so i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna throw a wrinkle to my my answer i'm not changing my answer esteban but i would say if you were gonna go get a manual labor job sounds like it was a trade job kind of a manual labor in the construction industry did i hear that right no just a home improvement store oh sorry okay great great so you're gonna go work at home improve store here's what i would do and if you were planning how many hours were you planning to work in your mind part time no i know how many how many hours uh 20-25 maybe okay then i would see if you could get into a place where you can do 15 or 20 and then what i would do is just lose a little bit of sleep you can do digital illustration at two in the morning or you could do it at five in the morning so i'm gonna do a little combo answer because he doesn't have a lot left in his budget yeah i'm okay with you getting that job you know what you need to do you can sleep later i take the home improvement job for the extra doe gets him into his emergency fund faster yep gets him into baby step four faster when you do start sleeping you'll sleep deeper that's right and i would but do not quit the digital illustration journey do you understand what i'm saying yes sir you keep going after those clients they don't care what time of night or day you're doing it they just want it delivered am i right yes sir all right that's the answer do both both hands and ken i get this question a lot because i tell people to take advantage of their mornings to make sure people are reading right working on the things that they actually love so all of us have parts of our jobs you gotta grind out and the most common question i get is where do you get that time i don't understand how this works yeah from yourself i've started doing an inventory of my time you know what if you don't take a 30 minute shower and you spend approximately zero minutes scrolling through instagram and suddenly that's 45 minutes to an hour you just got back i got to be honest i'm a little bit uh curious about the fact that you referenced a 30 minute shower is this is this a normal thing i'm talking about yeah who takes 30-minute showers people without kids really or people with kids who are hiding from their kids if you don't spend kelly and james are both like are you applying that in order to get more time back you should just skip showering because just do it for three minutes that that's my normal rhythm is three minutes my gosh try a 30 minute shower kick in there it's awesome yes see bring a book in there cj i don't want to look like a human raising but you're right you got to steal time from yourself right take time from yourself get up earlier go to bed later you'll be okay because you got to drive you got something you're going towards you can handle a little less sleep for a season there you go [Music] so [Music] [Applause] [Music] we were drawn to christian healthcare ministries because we both had young families and we wanted to have more children and we had also just started a real estate company and needed to find health care coverage that would meet our needs we were attracted to chm because of its low monthly costs and the ability to negotiate medical costs down established in 1981 and accredited by the better business bureau chm is here to meet the needs of your growing family or small business check us out at chministries.org we absolutely believe in it [Music] [Music] the dave ramsey show i'm john dolone with my good friend ken coleman and we're taking your calls on life meaningful work relationships what do you do next give us a call at 825-5225 that's triple eight eight two five five two two five let's go to heather and raleigh north carolina heather what's going on hey oh my gosh i am so grateful to be speaking with you two gentlemen today thank you so much for taking my call we are grateful that you called how can we help okay so i've got kind of like a a career slash life path question um so i've uh recently in the last six months took a new career path and a step up in my career and i was able to actually land what i thought was my my dream job while i was on furlough from my previous company last summer it was a voluntary furlough because you know i had two small kids and their daycare was closed and working from home was impossible so i just kind of threw out some linkedin feelers and the new company found me on there and um subsequently gave me a 50 000 raise by taking the new position yeah so i i went from you know making 70k to 120 000 a year so it was you know i couldn't pass it up is that let me ask you this is that why you thought it was your dream job just the money or there was actually the the description of the job and you looked at it yeah it was more the description of the job was kind of you know that that kind of led me down that oh this is awesome um so i'm a clinical scientist in clinical research is what i do okay and um the new position put me in the oncology research realm which is where i really wanted to be and my previous company i was but yeah but it's turning into kind of um not quite how they sold it to me uh oh i hear this a lot yeah and it's the old miranda yeah it's yeah there's no such thing as a free 50 000 raise right so what's the big what's the best sticking point what what is really causing you to go i don't want to do this uh well so i'm trying to help them out a lot more and increase some efficiencies and i'm seeing a lot of data that could be fixed a lot better but because of the setup i am i work for one company on i'm contracted to another you know it's i'm kind of running into a wall of you know they don't really want me to do as much and so i'm kind of getting the monotonous tasks versus my previous role where i was really diving in and had a lot more stay and was able to make a greater impact i'm kind of on the back line yeah they've given you the heisman stance they're going thanks but no thanks so what's your question for us yeah what's your question for john so my question is um i i had a counteroffer from my previous role at my previous company and so i've kind of been in talks with them but it may be a twenty to thirty thousand dollar pay cut to go back to that um well i'm currently 150 000 in debt so well hold on hold on though so when you took your current job john help me if i start mixing this up my brain is somewhat limited with my adhd agreed your current job that you don't like anymore you thought was your dream job you got a 50 000 bump did i hear that right yes so you were making 70. then you said they've counter offered and you're going well i'm going to take a 20 to 30 000 pay cut and you're not really at all you're still 20 to 30 up over what you were right you're going back to where you were and you got a nice bump from where you were so basically the way i'd frame that john and you tell me this is bad psychology but it's like it's really not a cut you're you're escaping what is essentially going to become a professional prison right and you got a nice little you got a nice little bonus it was fun for a few times try something you got a nice bump to try and you're going to tell them deuces i'm out and you come back to where you were and you're still ahead of where you used to be that would be the way i'm looking at it john psychologically it's going to feel like somebody took something from you that's right if you can get past that and that's where you want to be but what's the trade-off so the trade-off heather is i stay where i am making 20 to 30 more than if i go back and i need that extra 20 30 because i've got 150 grand in debt uh but i'm miserable so i guess my thing would be can you get back to the work you want to do eventually and can you put up with this monotony long enough to make it count in your debt-free journey if you can i would say i'm fine with you biting the stick yep but but but john i mean it's real yeah you keep going into work every day feeling like you're just moving a pile of rocks from one side to the other that's torture that is hard so what so what's the real real here heather yeah that's that's kind of like my hard thing because you know like i don't want this to kind of stop me from the momentum i had at my previous role because they had moved me into manager level i had direct reports and and they want you back you know it was yeah and they want me back to do that and to advance further towards my eventual plan of being directed together whereas here i'm kind of stuck you know the answer heather you know the answer i'm going to put you to the heart test what are you what you called us because you essentially said i'm thinking this you haven't come out and said it heather what is your heart telling you to do not your head what's your heart telling you to do to go back to my other company tell her what she's won john felicia just go heather you got it heather heather that's what john and i agree you should do don't even think twice about it here's the deal you're still making really good money really good money and you can get out of this debt and you're going to be on fire because you're not going to be miserable at work it's not even close take it and don't even think twice about it and you got an opportunity to peek behind the curtain with some more money in your pocket yeah and realize that's not what i want to do thought it was my dream it's not yeah you know it's actually becomes a really nice lesson you learn you got paid handsomely to learn a valuable lesson you know a lot of times it looks like this i got crushed but i learned a valuable lesson it's kind of like the oh that hurt but i learned a valuable lesson in your case it's like woo-hoo i mean well and i realized i learned i learned something good somebody else found reminded themselves or learned had some more value and we're going to be all right good for you man all right let's go to sasha in cleveland ohio sasha what's going on hi kim how are you today i'm living the dream what's going on oh it's so great to talk to you guys today um so i called you about a year and a half ago and uh your inspiring words that gave me the opportunity to reach for a job that i honestly didn't think i could get and i landed the job and all right doubling my income hey yeah i like that but then 2020 came along and that dream job was taken from me they laid off half this past this past year i'm so sorry about that yes so what's your question so i've decided to try to um go into business for myself um so i'm a single mom i bow down to barely 25 000 a year just working in small contract case you know customer service jobs what's the business that you want what's the business that you want to go into um recruiting which is what i was working in so i was working in recruiting in hr oh so you want to start out you want to do it on your own yes um i here's my thing from what i know of the business i can earn for doing everything i was already doing okay okay because that that i'm okay with i will tell you though while i believe you my question is what the timeline is going to look like because when you start this this recruiting business you have to be all in for it to be able to take care of you but it might have a ramp up time that could put you in a really really tough situation so my caution to you is and my actual advice is no i gave you advice before that you actually took and did something with and went and got a job go back and get another job get stable again let's let's build up some money and and let's get really stable and then go okay there's a season where i'm where i need to be financially and then i'm going to start the recruiting firm and i'm going to start the recruiting firm on the side so that i've got day job money coming in and then i've got the dream job the business whatever it's bringing in i'm not having to live off of it takes the pressure off and you're going to eventually slide right into owning your own business please don't go all in sasha right now as a single mom where you're in tight tight tight financial situations it's not the right time get stable just like you did before repeat rinse and repeat what i told you before you did it you know you can do it i didn't do anything and then we step into it i love it ken this is the dave ramsey show [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] this is the dave ramsey show i'm john dalony with my good friend ken coleman are you trying to find the perfect valentine's gift consider this your friendly reminder good folks in order to make real progress with your money you've got to be on the same page as your spouse you need to work together to create a budget and a plan that will help you reach your goals as a team to help you get on the same page we've gathered up our best-selling books budgeting tools and bundles for couples all in one big sale so you can save up to 83 percent on the gifts that will help you reach your financial goals and if you're like me here we are in february man i me again i made some good uh new year's resolutions oh yeah some identity statements here's what i'm going to be this year how you doing good good good good but if you're like me you can grind out 30 days february is the truth teller right february is when it's man it was hard to get up this morning and getting get in the gym you know why that second and third mile that first mile when everybody's cheering you on hey go jump it's all adrenaline and then you get out there and you the crowd's gone the cheering's gone and you're in mile two three and four boyle boy is it lonely oh who are you gonna be so we're putting things on sale up to 83 on the gifts that will help you reach your financial goals and you don't want to miss our money and marriage livestream event on february 12th early bird tickets are only 20 bucks that's a 10 movie ticket for each of you right now don't pass over that that's you and rachel me and rachel cruz right that's fine it's gonna be a blast you and stacy of course are gonna be there yeah you guys need a lot we need a lot of help a lot of help a lot of help a lot of help you're gonna learn how to have better conversations create deeper connections we're going to talk about intimacy make faster progress with your money we're going to go there in fact ken i had to get permission can we do this oh you did and they said permission from your wife no well i didn't do that because i got a feeling she decided to kind of check your talk did sit down with miss dolony and say yeah all right she's the mrs dr deloney and i said yeah thinking about talking about this and she vetoed a few things rightfully so good for her this is good for all of us but let's be honest it is but we're gonna go there right um marriages and relationships are hurting all over the country so uh february 12th early bird tickets are 20 bucks right now visit us at daveramsey.com backslash backslash store to get your live stream tickets and valentine's day gifts hurry the sale is february 14th if stacy and i come to this and can you can you pull a few strings a 100 i will i know a guy i can sit on the front row i know a guy okay it's a digital event it's all digital event oh it see glad i brought that up it's all digital really you're gonna do it from your couch watching this where are you guys uh gonna be uh live filming we're gonna be filming all over the studios it's gonna be a multi-layered event it's gonna be around the building lots of fun stuff with me and rachel cruz james i think what i might do is i slip in the building that night undetected and uh i will just show up in random places during the live event kind of a where's ken i don't say anything but i'm just kind of standing in the back of the set we got some tight security though i don't know he'll have to show his credentials but that's going to be awesome if you spot ken there's going to be some free prizes i think we should do that i'll talk to dave see what he thinks 100 i don't think he's going to like it he won't all right let's go to dominic in wilmington delaware what's up dominic how are we doing hey how you doing all right man how can we help i appreciate it oh you got it all right so so right now i am 22 years old i'm graduating college in may um i am currently in the process for a police department uh nearby excellent um so hopefully i'll be in the academy right when i graduate um i have 11k saved up um i live at home with my parents i have no bills no debt i'll have no debt coming out of college either very cool i'm kind of in this weird spot where i don't know what to if i should just leave my money in the bank or start putting into a roth or i i just honestly don't know if i should just save up for a house in the next few years but that's where i am right now i have two parts on two part-time jobs um and that basically is 25k a year but i that'll obviously be bumped in the next six months from um if i could get hired full time if you were gonna get accepted into the to the police academy when would that start it would start in may right after i graduated college yeah if i'm you and can jump in here if i'm you i just leave my money in a savings account i'd leave it alone until i got through usually the way police academies work is they give you a you know 65 75 of a normal salary until you're out of the academy at which point then they put you on on the beat and then they'll move that up to 85 or 95 percent when you get through a certain time and that's when you get into the the the additional money there and so i just leave it alone right i'd leave it alone and get through the academy it's hard and it will it will um you have a lot of studying a lot of run and a lot of working to do and then when you get out you can start making some some different decisions here how quickly do you start getting paid with the um as soon as i start the account they pay me through the academy they do okay so that's me but it's a it's a discounted amount right yes it would be uh yeah 45 yeah your mama first of all you're responsible you're not even you and the word loser don't even belong in the same universe i think i'd stay with mom and dad too if they're not if they are they trying to kick you out no not at all i'd stay yeah i i i'm a fan of that what i'm not a fan of is the kid who's using it as an excuse that's right to not fly a little bird and i think you are beyond that and you're an eagle you're soaring uh i'd stay with mom and dad to keep those expenses way low and just keep socking away more money then once the academy money and everything starts to feel right you'll know when it's right then then i would get out on your own but right now man i i'd hunker down yeah i agree i appreciate that you've got good appreciate it listen i want to say this appreciate you man that you want to serve the public in this way and i know that you're going to be a great public servant in this way and and um i'm proud of you man yeah i appreciate you man good for you that means a lot thank you all right brother good luck man and graduate strong yeah let's go to axel in san antonio texas axel how are we doing very good thank you for taking my call you got it man and being able to speak to you too so i gotta ask you really quick what's your last name uh bettencourt oh such a great name going for rose here man but that was good bettencourt's good i love it by the way he'll have the best name the entire dave ramsey show today there's no question about it axel wins the name award axel how can we help all right so this is background i'm 24 right now i just became that fee last year i got out the military when i was 22 i had like 20 000 in death nice i i started doing the uber eats and working my job and just working even on holidays i was dressed up like at santa claus on christmas to get those tips so finally at 24 as of today i have i have paid for emergency fund 14 000 dollars i open my raw off i'm matching my job psp but now i just don't know what to do from there you know like i have the emergency fund but i don't like is like for example last month you only gave me like five dollars you know i don't know if i should do something to that or just keep on changing there you know [Music] yeah man so your emergency fund is not a wealth building tool for you okay so don't you don't want to look at it say hey man how much how much interest are we earning on this thing um it's just it's just sitting there that's the point the point is to be there when you need it not to ride any sort of roller coaster yeah interest rates are so low you're never gonna make even when they're higher than they are now you're not as john said you're not going to get a bunch of money on this you look you walked avery ramsey's baby steps out you are you have you're there man so if you've got your three to six months and let's say right now that 14 represents three months if you want to keep juicing that and get it to six great that's not a bad thing but if you feel like three months is enough uh and you've already started the roth and it's the 15 percent uh towards you towards retirement and then if you feel like you got extra beyond that go sit down with a smartvestor pro go to daveramsey.com and go meet with somebody in san antonio we've got a bunch of them down there and go hey uh in my for my uh for my situation as young as i am i'm financially in a really great place what do i do with this extra money or what i do here and just just keep playing it out you are in fantastic fantastic shape my young man here dressing up as santa claus for some extra money he's doing what it takes that's like next level gazelle intense all right axel i'm going to tell you something and this is hard to hear you ready uh-oh you have been as dave would say gazelle intense you've been sprinting you saw a problem and you have done everything you can to get rid of that problem and now you're gonna face something that most people never reconcile with that the way to building wealth is not overly complicated but it can be boring so you're there you've got this emergency fund now you're in baby step four five and six now you just gotta lock it in and just keep taking step after step after step nothing sexy nothing crazy no fireworks just keep taking the next step and you're gonna get there all right like to thank you for joining us this hour's in the books ken fun stuff this has been the dave ramsey show [Music] welcome to the dave ramsey show you can be intentional about your character you can have money and a career you are the hero in your story [Music] live from the headquarters of ramsey solutions broadcasting from the dollar car rental studio this is the dave ramsey show where america hangs out to have a conversation about your life your work your relationships and your money sitting in for dave i am dr john dolone joined here with my good friend and colleague ken coleman the host of the world famous ken coleman show how are you doing good man if i was any better i think i'd have to check around the corner out i don't even know what that means but it sounds good yeah i'd be a little nervous as well oh i see what you're saying things are good things are good and you know my general position on that question is is you know what it's fine but if it wasn't you wouldn't want to hear it anyway nobody really wants an answer to that how you doing ken terrible i've got a you know got a boil in the middle of my back like really yeah no no we don't want to hear that just lie to me yeah that's right which which begs the question should we ask a different question yeah we we are not good you don't really want you're just a relationship guru we don't really want someone to tell us how they're doing see my problem is i kind of do on your show you do but not when you're walking into church hey how you doing well let me tell you terrible that's right that's right so maybe we can just say i hope you're doing well man it's good to see you that's the what that's the response hey good to see you herb it's good to see you ken i don't know why i said herb you know what i will answer it about anything no i knew you're not hurt i'm saying i was it was like it was like a general i like a herb i like a good herb you like that i do i like it yep we have a herb here we do have a herb he's a smart guy here really is well we're taking your calls on life and relationships money purpose work all of it anything that's going on in your heart and mind give us a call triple eight eight two five five two two five that's triple eight eight two five five two two five let's go to cynthia in rochester new york cynthia good afternoon how are we doing hi good thanks for taking my call you bet thanks for calling in how can we help um so a little bit of background story right the phrase of question i'm 32 i graduated college in 2010 and i recently decided to take a break from my six-year relationship with my boyfriend because it was kind of getting to the point of get married or don't i come with a significant amount of savings and assets and it's kind of always been the elephant in the room in our relationship and i just want to learn how to get over the fear and the i guess insecurity that i have of not being used or taken advantage of because of my assets even though our salaries are pretty similar like the take-home pay every month but it's just like i own my own condo and um i have investments and 10 years worth of retirement funds so it's just helping me you know come to terms with that and like letting it be okay and knowing that um i'm protecting myself so what about this person after six years are you still questioning um like the way you posed that the way you posed that cynthia was man here we are six years later and he wants to get married and i was like the way you said that it sounded like three months not six years right and you're worried you also said i'm really worried about being taken advantage of is he giving you any reason to feel like you couldn't trust him yes and no and we're supposed to talk uh in two days and i just want to come prepared and i want to come with thoughtful answers and questions and um you know like every relationship we had ups and downs and pressures from parents and his parents were always you know open arms they they really uh loved me and my parents were more taken to stanford of course look what they're getting look what he's getting so cynthia how direct can i be with you very this relationship will never work if you think you're superior to him especially if you think you're superior to him because of assets because of things you have in your bank account i think one of the great cultural curses of the modern world is that we have distilled down the question what are you worth to a financial number and we look at like we say hey what are you worth man that's a number the answer to the question what are you worth is never a number and so if you're sitting across a table at a nice restaurant if you're sitting on the couch next to somebody you have known and loved and walked alongside the ups and downs of six years and you think i'm still better than you i still have more money than you then honey don't do this to him don't yeah if you were going to enter this relationship and say we are all in and we're going to co-create a future together i'm bringing this he's bringing that we're going to create this together awesome cynthia i asked you earlier if he had done something to make you feel like you could not trust him you said yes and no i wanna i mean you don't have to bear all the details here but you gotta address the yes part whatever he has done that has make made you lose trust in him has got to be addressed between the two of you and if not uh just between the two also with a counselor right john i mean what is it can't leave that how is it well i think it's coming from mom and dad but what has he done that makes you not trust him um there was an episode where he uh cooked with drugs so that was a big red flag for me so that's not a that's not an asset thing that's a hey i'm that's a poor judge i don't want to be married to someone right and i i think i was using the money as an excuse honestly in my career yeah the same thing yeah what is that sweetheart you know you know you know money you know you can marry a homeless man down the street it shouldn't matter if he treats you well and he makes you feel you know what teeth and calm there you go cynthia okay you know on top of financial security i wasn't getting that emotional security so so so can i can i be direct with you again cynthia can i be direct again sure you've got permission to walk away yeah you're worth somebody's gonna love you and somebody that's um gonna share values with you and that's gonna keep you safe and keep you connected and treat you like you're a valuable special extraordinary human being regardless of your finances and so it's um you have permission to walk away and you're going to feel like i put six years into this thing you you're 32 now you think back to what when you were 26 you just met and you were in love and this guy's funny and cool and all that and now you look up and you're 32 you're not married you're making your way and you want to be connected and you are now coming to the honest truth this isn't the guy you've got permission to walk away cynthia you just gave yourself the truth that i think you called us for and that was you said i was using the money stuff as an excuse the reality is he wasn't giving you the emotional security that you long for that you deserve and also this drug thing wasn't an episode either we don't need to break that down but there's a lot of trust issues here and i i i yeah you don't need to feel guilty at all you you need to feel cherished you need to feel challenged wanted and challenged this is a partnership marriage is no joke um you guys can have a talk but i would have walked away power he needs to know that you mean business and that's not financial related not judgment related it's i'm worth this that's right good for you cynthia i know that's a hard conversation after six years go into it boldly humbly be honest you don't need excuses tell the truth and you deserve to be loved this is the dave ramsey show [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] folks it's an honor to tell you about the army national guard not only are they big supporters of our high school curriculum but they also give you the opportunity to impact your local communities whether your goals are to get an education serve your country or have a better life the army national guard can help get you there plus they offer unbelievable financial benefits secure your future today visit nationalguard.com to find out more [Music] [Music] this is the dave ramsey show i'm john doloni joined by my good friend and ramsay personality ken coleman we're taking your calls on life and work and relationships and money everything anything that's going on in your heart and mind give us a shout triple eight eight two five five two two five that's triple eight eight two five five two two five let's go to michael in wood bridge virginia michael what's going on brother how can we help hey ken how you doing i'm living the dream how can we help yeah oh i'm living the dream too oh that's good well hey i want to say thank you and everybody on dave ramsey's team for what you guys teach and the stuff you guys offer you guys do a great job of that i'm a huge fan uh i am working through the baby steps i have baby step one all done we're on baby step two we're almost to the halfway point of baby step two and we're just chucking away debt good um i just had a life situation uh come up that's kind of a big change for me i've been living with my parents for quite some time now and this past december i ended up getting a uh an apartment from somebody that i go to church with and um the only issue that i've just been having is i've already signed the lease i've made the security deposit on it but i've only paid like a small portion of the uh rent and i haven't been able to pay anymore because i haven't been able to live and my mom and dad think it's a waste of money if i just pay rent and i'm not living in the place so just kind of wanted to get your guys guidance as to am i being ripped off or should i just you know be patient and have them make sure everything's ready for the apartment uh there's a lot here yeah kind of back up a second when you i want to start with you said i've i've paid some of the security deposit some of the rent but uh i haven't paid any more because i haven't been able to live i i got stuck there what does that mean what's your financial situation right now so my financial situation is the next there's one other bill that i'm adding on to my budget which is uh rent and where i'll be renting is it includes everything in utilities except internet i've already got a separate payment for that but i've already paid the security deposit i've already signed the rental agreement um for the lease but um i haven't been able to fully move in yet why because they're still because there there was something with the water line that was going on that they didn't expect to have happen and so they're trying to fix that and everything if you sign the lease for a place to live and they're not giving you a place to live they're in breach of the lease yeah and so either they find you a new place or they let you out of the lease or they reduce the amount that you owe them on this lease but it's it's super super simple yeah and you walk straight into the office and say i need a place to live on the agreed date at the agreed price and you said this place there's a water issue so where am i going to live yeah you need to know you need to know what this water line you don't even know what it is that would freak me out what do you mean you got a water line problem i'm going to need like a four page report with a you know with a with a powerpoint presentation i i just think you call them and go hey let's uh i think john gave you great advice if if that's what you're asking i mean i would not move fully into this thing right now um i yeah and that's what i'm trying to do is like be patient with them trying to get this fixed out and then trying to work something out with the rent i just want to make sure just get your guys advice to make sure i'm not getting ripped off or not well if you've given them a security deposit for a place that they said you were going to live in on a certain day and a place isn't ready then yes you're getting ripped off now okay be a person of respect and dignity don't be a jerk and walk in and not not saying that you will but it's easy to get self-righteous and indignant in these kind of moments people are usually doing the best they can with the tools they got do this in person tell somebody you want to meet with them and say hey look we signed this lease and i was ready to move and i know that you like you said you're a friend from church you're helping me out but i need to know if we're going to move or not and i need to get my deposit back if we're not going to be moving because i got to find a place to live asap and hopefully they'll find another apartment for you or they'll let you know like they'll have the 17-page report due that ken needs and um for the water issue and then they'll get you squared away but don't avoid a conversation don't get your heart rate up if you've never talked to the person and just go straight in and solve this problem directly yeah i think there's a time to be patient i think now is the time to be persistent then once we get all the answers then we can be patient but i don't have enough details right now for me to be patient yeah yeah yeah especially if i've already put my money on the line there right all right let's go to jessica in cincinnati ohio jessica what's going on hi thanks so much for having me um i have kind of a complicated uh question and like life direction question i think you guys can help me with but all right bring it on so so i'm a nurse um by trade i've been a nurse about 17 years and about four years ago i decided to go optional and to be a stay at home mom and of course with the pandemic there's been opportunity for me to kind of like contractually like get back in and be at the bedside again and i'm making really awesome money uh which is such a huge blessing because my husband and i have been like dave esque for a while so we're really we got a bigger shovel to get out of our debt so and actually today we're paying off our second car so congratulations that's awesome yeah yeah it feels so good so the thing about it is is um i can still like continue on for like who knows how long right in this um this bedside nursing where we're making lots of money because of the pandemic which is awesome but it's actually not really like my passion anymore i have a totally different like direction that i've been kind of like side hustling in the culinary world and i love that so i don't know um trying to figure out like what to do with my life uh when i grow up even though i'm 38. um just do i keep pursuing like the culinary stuff or should i stick with this you know this nursing for a little bit longer and get a little bit keep that big shovel um i'm just not really sure i'm praying about it and i just i really just need some some design direction as well all right you ready here we go this is a you said this you said this was a complicated question and it's really it's not super nice i got two simple answers you ready i want you to write this down because this is so simple i'm ready i have pen and paper i'm ready the answer is yes and yes you keep okay stay with the bedside nursing because of the huge shovel that it is providing for you you add all that to this aggressive get debt-free plan that you and your hubs are on right you just keep crushing it momentum you've already started this culinary pursuit on the side anyway so it's not like you don't have the time you can do it keep doing the culinary thing keep testing it keep getting better at it scale it a little bit or if you have to just hold steady and then when you get that emergency fund paid off you know and then i think that's when you go all right let's reassess do i now walk away from nursing but i think this is a really easy decision because i think it takes the pressure off of the dream this oh wow think about this you are pursuing this dream this culinary side hustle and you're doing it in a non-pressure field environment you're not relying on it to pay off debt you're not relying on it to pay the bills it's gravy right now am i right yes absolutely so here's the deal oh that's the word that's the magic here's why here's why oh this is so exciting listen most entrepreneurs start a business and they put all their eggs in the basket and it creates all kinds of stress it makes them lose their patience and right now you're in a place where you can persist and be patient and you got a great day job and you and the hubs are rocking you're paying off debt and we're seeing the dream and you're going to get to a point in the very near future where this day job is going to actually possibly fund an expansion of the dream job so i think you will be the one to determine when you leave the bedside nursing but right now do both you already have been yes and yes i wish that i had some wisdom on top of that but i think that's awesome we know john sometimes i just really nailed it and that was that time that was about us that was that was just about as good of an answer as she could have possibly hoped for you were the guy yes and yes somebody you are dating and as you were about to drive off you rolled the window down and said that was an amazing date just we all needed to acknowledge that was an amazing date and i love that about you ken coleman this is the dave ramsey show [Music] what makes our show unique is that we genuinely care about our listeners we're intentional about choosing the best advertisers to recommend blinds.com is no exception they offer high quality window treatments at unbelievable prices and they make it simple to shop blinds shades and interior shutters with easy online ordering free shipping and a guaranteed perfect fit go to blinds.com and take advantage of this week's special savings [Music] [Music] so [Music] blinds.com's 100 satisfaction guarantee means even if you mismeasure or pick the wrong color they'll remake your blinds for free you get free samples free shipping and with the new promos they run every month you'll save even more use promo code ramsay to get the best deal rules and restrictions apply john today's question comes from daniel in california he writes i've worked at my current job for almost five years since the end of my second year my manager has been teasing me with a promotion by saying promotion pending on my annual reviews i sent him an email late last year asking what i needed to do before i would be eligible for a promotion and all he said was i would be eligible january 2021 january is come and gone and still no word what is the best and most respectful way to go about asking for a promotion well uh normally john what i would tell folks is don't ask for a promotion don't ask for a pay raise ask for a growth plan where you sit down with your leader and you say hey i want more yep and i know more means i want to get better i want to be more valuable to the organization so uh what are some areas that you you see that i could improve what are some additional skills or training that you think that if i got that makes me a a better a little bit more valuable in the current role or or ready for others and then um what does a growth plan look like in the organization if we measure my work do we have a key results area like we do at ramsey solutions where we all have a one page document this is a win for john delaney this is a win for ken coleman is what i need to do is what i'm expected to do and here's the results we need to create that with a leader that's the growth plan and when we do that it becomes a very natural progression into if i grow my responsibility and my influence then my income comes with that so i want to grow professionally and i want to grow financially it doesn't put the leader um on a defensive tilt as is when you go and say i want to talk about a raise but based on this question folks um this has already been talked about this guy's been writing promotion pending on i kind of don't like that i don't either that irritates me hunt man that's switzerland dude you gotta make a call it's also kind of a mean little carrot to dangle out in front of somebody just because we're adults doesn't mean we aren't still that little kid that says do i matter right do you see me that's what workers long to know that's what we all long to know so in this situation because he said january 2021 and no word i'm having a meeting with him scheduled a meeting hey yep here's the history of what we've discussed i want to be here i want to be more valuable i want to grow i want to do all the things i've got dreams and listen if if this isn't where you see that being possible just let me know yeah i'm down with it but we've talked about and talked about talked about it what does that look like for me to be able to get the promotion can we put a plan together because here's what's happened when you talk promotion with a leader who isn't ready to deliver on it it's easy for them to punt yeah they kick the can down they'll go oh we'll talk about it later no no there's no talking about it what we say now is can we sit together schedule a meeting can we do it right now if not right now can we schedule a meeting in the next week to actually put on paper a growth plan that would allow me to not just get promoted but also to begin to make more money if the answer gets kicked down the road then then you know what it's time for adios out there you go i'm looking somewhere else and i never give advice to just jump off a cliff get something else the minute you got the contract or you got the signed deal on something else then you walk in and say it's been great i'm out so tell me if you hear this on your show a lot ken um in the past i've experienced this i've been guilty of this and i've led big teams that have experienced this a promotion or a raise should be reflective of this journey of work right what is your your value to this company we need you we want to recognize you we want to increase your scope here but we've turned promotion into a destination and what i see people's with their mental health is if i can just get to be associate director my life's going gonna be okay if i can go from 50 to 57 000 and my problems are gone and it never works that way and i i don't know if you hear this on your show i love the way you twisted that because you're asking somebody what really is important which is how do i get more outstanding at this work how do i help our downstream customer which is the only thing that matters here right how do i help them even more and on the way you're gonna get promoted the money's gonna take care of itself because you become such an asset but the the focus is on the work and not this imaginary not true destination that's supposed to heal you right so glad you said that so you said destination and i had a thought that might get to in a second i gotta write it down so i don't forget it okay so i'm a fan of meritocracy okay so is dave right now we're getting political yes no see he thinks that's political it's not political right meritocracy just simply means this is merit-based that's what that's what a workplace should be merit-based meaning i am delivering results and i am delivering good results and i'm continuing to deliver great results and as i add value to the organization then they should in return reward me well that's not near as fun as i was thinking i agree with you yep okay so here's my point though a lot of people not only i thought was a great point you made that a lot of people think that the promotion is the destination oh i'm going to be better i'm going to feel better about myself and all that we know that's hollow you're not however a lot of people i'm going to step on some toes right now so everybody get ready and a lot of young people and this is a function of age so don't pick on millennials and mosaics here you were like this too you xers and boomers so shut up but we think that a promotion it's become an expectation i've been here 18 months been here a year where's my meeting where's the meeting i've been here a year that's right uh i've only been late three times uh i've not punched a co-worker um i have done everything you asked me to do it's time for a raise let me tell you something this is that's a hundred percent this is absolutely right i hear this all the time i get these calls from young people hey ken listen um i need to ask you a question about asking for a raise i get this call every week on the ken coleman show and i say okay well tell me tell me what's your background well i've been there a year oh okay instead of i'm crushing it i've developed such a rapport yeah with these customers they keep coming back they want to know how my kids are doing they i want to know how their families do it right i'm adding value yeah it's time i wanted to unpack that other side of it and john's right don't make your promotion this destination and also don't allow it to become an expectation here's the point this is a meritocracy folks it just is work is a meritocracy and sometimes it's a really crappy one yep that's why people leave companies they don't leave companies they leave leaders yeah and if a leader won't recognize an individual because we all long to be seen yes this is a core human need do you see me do you notice me and we want to add value not just to the company but we want to see our work make a difference in the lives of others that's why i call it meaningful work that's what we all along for so in this situation if you've got to put your leader who may be really kind of not good at this at ramsey solutions everybody's got that kris we know what is expected of us we know how we're measuring results against the expectations those are two key things that are very different folks and and so if leaders don't do that for you got to sit down with them and don't put them on tilt and on defense and go hey i've been here about a year i'd like to talk about a race uh they're not even ready for that so what do they do kick the can down the road we'll talk about it and they're going i don't know i don't know what to do yeah this guy i think that's what's going on in that question and so you've got to sit down with them and go hey i just i want to be here i want to grow let them see your human side because everybody has that same feeling i want to grow but i want to add value first tell me where i can get better yes how do i help this customer how do i help their family how do i help like the roofer that is helping yeah how do i help protect this guy welcome even talk about how you can grow value you want to provide and after you do that then you can go and i'd like to measure that because what you're saying is i want to be accountable how are we going to measure me because i believe in me and i believe if we measure me we're going to see the results and so i'm saying when we measure me what's the compensation tied to the output but let's start with value let's start with excellence and here's the real genius behind this idea if you bring your leader in that way and they're semi-healthy or healthy they're gonna jump on that and now they've got input they feel like it's their idea of course and leaders if you've got somebody in your organization that is adding value call them in today and look them in the eye and say you're adding value thank you we're gonna figure out how to help you out too don't let that be one-sided we're telling the kids to stop with the hey i've been here four months with my raise leaders across the country got to step up too and recognize value don't just pull them into your office and tell them tell them in front of their co-workers yeah that's even better this is the dave ramsey show [Music] [Music] [Music] this is the dave ramsey's show i'm john delony with my good friend ken coleman we are taking your calls on life and work and money give us a shout at triple eight 825 5225 let's go to adam in cincinnati adam how are we doing man hey i'm good how are you doing guys very very good how can we help so um my wife and i recently finished paying off all of our consumer debt except for our mortgage and at the end of this month we're gonna have our three months of uh emergency fund very cool man way to go thank you how's that feel i thought um that's kind of where i'm calling so i thought at this point i would feel more of a sense of accomplishment but i almost feel like i've checked one box and i'm on to the next block of trying to pay off the mortgage early is that kind of normal does it take you some time to kind of re-equilibrate i don't know if that's a word re-equilibrate a little bit and just you know be able to enjoy the accomplishments that you've had after being that in that gazelle mindset for a while i'm just curious john i want john let to john tackle that the psychologist here but i'm just curious did you all celebrate in any way uh no we haven't not like not even like a nice dinner to say man we just paid off our debt no we haven't yeah you've really adam you gotta kind of been yeah that's kind of been crazy you know it's been an up and down describe that for me because i think there's something else here when you say my life's been crazy what else do you mean so like about a year after we started the process i left teaching and went back to school um at night while also working and then she got an engineering degree so for like four years i was busting you know 90 hours a week between work and school my wife was working 50 to 60 hours a week we had our first kid about two weeks after i started going back to school and then a couple years ago i got my promotion once i started my career in engineering my wife left her job so we took like a 25 000 pay cut about three weeks after we moved we found out we were unexpectedly pregnant with our second child um when i got a promotion last year another promotion last year in july my wife started working part-time again so we're back to making almost 100 000 a year and it's just been life has been crazy yeah it's been a high speed role taking time to focus on ourselves we've just been trying to you know keep our head you know above water and just trying to make sure we had a little all right adam you just said it brother i gotta ask a question on behalf of adam love it so adam you've given us i gotta ask john is he in a situation i don't know what you call this but see a situation where he's been biting the stick so long his jaw's locked and he doesn't know how to just let off that stick well you can here's the thing you can be in survival mode for so long yeah that you start creating new environments for yourself that you've got to survive that's a better way of saying and then the then you start to get to the end of that tunnel and then we are going in to survive something else right and adam here's what's going to happen and you know this so i'm just saying it for everybody listening because you're not the only person who's experienced this you're one of the few people with the courage enough to call it out you're going to look up brother and you're going to be 35 or 40 and your kids are going to be in their late teens and you're going to have run from one thing to another thing to another thing to another thing you're going to look across the kitchen table you're not going to really know your wife your kids are going to be staring at their phones they're not going to want to talk to you and you're gonna realize i spent all of my life in gazelle intensity and i missed it and so here's the thing you know you just said it here and you know what the deal is the deal is man you have had a crazy time the last couple of years going back to school changing life direction changing purpose uh your wife is going running and gunning oh and you bring a kid in and so that's just a hurricane blizzard that just hits your house and then whoa surprise we got another one on the way we're not sleeping here we go no sleep no it's all chaos yeah here's what i want you to do adam will you do me a favor yeah you got a pin you're an engineer you don't even need a pen all right here we go ready number one this weekend you're gonna take your wife on a date i don't care how much it cost i don't care if you can't find child care figure it out okay your kids are one and three they'll be fine i'm just kidding don't do that right so you're gonna take your wife on a date and i want her to get dressed up i want you to get dressed up i want you to start the date by opening her car door and i want you to re-imagine re-falling in love with your wife starting this weekend and you're going to date her again and you're going to start there because that is the most important relationship in your life and this weekend is going to be about celebrating this extraordinary accomplishment of becoming debt free except for your mortgage you're going to have an awesome time dreaming together about what life will be like when you pay the mortgage off you're going to say that start that dream conversation at that nice dinner that's right start that dream and by the way buy her something nice not just not just don't you just iron your shirt dude put on some khakis whatever dress up is buy her something nice do something great you can afford it bro you're the engineer this isn't going to make sense in any of your dumb little spreadsheets i'm giving you permission this weekend you re-fall in love with your wife intentionally and on purpose okay and then you're going to talk about what how are we how we taking care of our kids what's the trajectory of our kids what kind of house do we want to have you're going to re-learn how to breathe and then you're going to write down together what are ways we're going to insert into our lives on a regular thing we got to practice this and they don't tell you this in marriage therapy and they should shame on them you got to practice intimacy you got to practice being connected you got to practice remaining in love and i tell you what ken titanic lied to us the notebook lied to us romeo and juliet lied to us what we just walk into a room and we're like there she is and i don't have any more work to do we're just gonna be in love we're gonna have two kids seven kids change jobs get laid off have have a have a pandemic or two have a chaotic election cycle where i don't know you believe that i believe it all that's going to be okay because we see each other and we're in love and that's not how it works and we've been told that there is external solutions to internal holes right there is and i and and that's a lie it's a lie and you just gave some beautiful advice i'm just gonna i'm just gonna add that um one of the things that irritates me about our world that we live in this performance based because everybody's looking at us and and it irritates me when i see these football coaches or basketball coach they win a national championship and and you know oh the next day the next day we started for next season and i always go this is just so stupid why don't you go on a freaking cruise and celebrate the fact that you worked your butt off you fought for everything you had to win and this is what's going on here adam worked his butt off he and his wife fought and clawed to get debt free now they want to pay the house off well great there's a reason why dave by the way put to pay the house off at the end of the baby steps it's six yeah there's a reason it's hard and it takes a while it does and so we cannot live all the time in this fight claw scratches just it's not who we are and so when you do what this couple has done folks celebrate it now that doesn't mean you go crazy but celebrate it and not just celebrate it with stuff celebrate it emotionally mark the moment i love the idea of going to dinner or maybe go on a walk and sit there maybe sit by a lake and just hold hands and throw rocks in there and go wow do you remember when we did this remember we ate mac and cheese for seven straight days or whatever or here's mark the moment it's a mile marker as we've been sprinting for the last two years here's ten things i've discovered i love about you yes but you don't even know here they are that's weird you know why because any man or woman who's ever accomplished anything significant and by the way when you folks who listen and watch the show you've gotten debt free or you're close you've done something significant you're doing something that's going to be this is nothing to do with notoriety and fame and power i'm saying anything that is a significant accomplishment you talk to anybody after the fact there's a euphoric state at first kind of like oh my gosh i typically did it we did it you know it's kind of like is this really happening and then you realize something you're the same person you were before the accomplishment there's the letdown right well it might be it's not so much to let down neutralizing it's that it's like wait a second i'm still the same guy i'll tell a story on that maybe maybe some other time on the show together but here's the point is that when we get there we realize wait a second it was about the journey to this moment that made it euphoric it wasn't about the status that i'm debt-free it's that what i did and who we became on the journey it's the journey not the destination adam we're proud of you good job you be proud of you yes love your wife let her love you celebrate love those two little kids and we fall in love together this weekend we're excited for you brother this is the dave ramsey show [Music] [Music] welcome to the dave ramsey show you can be intentional about your character you can have money and a career you are the hero in your story [Music] live from the headquarters of ramsey solutions broadcasting from the dollar car rental studio this is the dave ramsey show where america hangs out to have a conversation about your life your work your purpose and your money sitting in for dave i'm dr john deloney joined here with my good friend and fellow ramsey personality ken coleman we are taking your calls on anything anything going on in your heart in your mind in your home in your relationships at work in the mirror give us a call triple eight eight two five five two two five that's triple eight eight two five five two two five let's go to lisa in charlotte north carolina lisa what's going on how can we help hey good afternoon hope you guys are well and also with you yeah i am calling today to um just get some insight from you dr delany and um your thoughts of the current i hate to say trend but i question if it's a trend of prevalence to label teenagers with anxiety specifically girls so um do you have a particular story yeah there you go so what's going on here yeah we've got a senior girl who had um basically disappointment and sadness when they did not go back to school in the fall and you know you acknowledge it and i mean how can you not um but has developed into the point where she asked for counseling so okay you go and the counselors are very eager to label anxiety and my husband and i we you know we question is it is it disappointment is it situational stress is it things that we view more as life moments just life yeah versus mental health label kind of thing and it's interesting talking with other moms the prevalence associated whether it's stereotyping or are we not teaching our kids life moment yeah um so i just wanted some insight on it and and you know how you how you view that yeah lisa you uh you just made in one call you pushed most every button i have and i'm a pretty laid back guy and you pushed them all so i'm gonna just put it all out there can't you hop in at any point by putting me over i'm gonna referee i'll throw a flag if it gets out of hand so here's the thing a couple of different things and i'm saying this i've worked with thousands of high school and college kids over the last almost two decades 16 17 years i don't even know how long um we have a culture that has over pathologized discomfort we are quick to label anything like you mentioned you said it perfectly any life situation so i'll give you an example i can't tell you how many kids freshman sophomore in college would come into my office heartbroken weeping real true deep pain it's real it hurts and they'd say hey i'm depressed i've got anxiety and i'd say what's going on and they say well my dad just moved out my parents are getting divorced my granddad died and often i would say thank you for sharing that i don't want you to walk around saying you're depressed you're sad and you're supposed to be sad because your parents are getting divorced because you lost a dear grandparent and so we are obsessed with putting a label on discomfort as though it's something we can um anesthetize ourselves to that we have somehow figured out this perfect pain-free life it doesn't exist it's not real so i'm a hundred percent with you on that i think we over label kids i think kids who have been stuck at home and realized oh my gosh i'm not going back to school i can't see my friends i'm not going to get real human interaction absolutely it's devastating and we need to sit with him and not um not brush it over oh shake it off in my date that's not helpful right let that those feelings be real and a year into sitting at home when our kids haven't seen anybody those anxiety alarms get louder and louder right because these kids are disconnected they're trying to learn in an environment if you look at maslow's hierarchy they're not safe they're not connected we've got parents who are fighting and yelling in the home or they are trying to figure out how to navigate their own work situations and financial situation all that so the anxiety alarms are real and then on top of all that we've got a culture that says that the insurance companies drive these counseling sessions and say if there's not a diagnostic we're not helping you pay for this so counselors i my heart is for the with them too they are forced into a situation this is psychologists and counselors and marriage and family therapist social workers everybody that they don't get paid unless they give you a have a label right so everybody's hemmed in on this thing and then there's a fourth complexity which is sometimes it's helpful to name the dragon sometimes there is some peace looking at a kid saying hey you're not broken your body's doing exactly what it's supposed to do when you find yourself alone and scared and frustrated and angry it sounds the alarms and that's what anxiety is there is a time and a place for a quote unquote anxiety diagnosis but i am real real slow to do that real slow to do that every good counselor that i know is real slow to do that and is real open to talking through especially in your situation where you've got a minor that you should be involved in those conversations too i am terrified of 20 years from now what it's going to look like with all these young people who have these medical charts much of it digitized with these mental health diagnostics when they try to go get a job when they try to get health insurance when they try to get life insurance when they try to get militaries to fill in the blank right so i'm with you what i'll tell you is this even with an anxiety diagnosis as a mom or a dad unless i get some very clear guidance from a therapist that says your kids got some severe pathology your kid is really struggling and it needs some um intervention that's more than a regular counselor can offer i'm going to handle it the same way i'm going to be over intentional about connecting with my kid i'm going to be over intentional about listening walking alongside um people laugh and i get email after email about i thought you were crazy and this super works um putting my hands on their on their hands on their face looking them in the eye and making sure they know that i love them figuring out ways that i can they can be around people their own age if we've got to do outside events depending on where we live or we have to do them safely whatever that looks like but going out of our ways to curate connection with these kids because their anxiety alarms are real but i don't think it's a forever label that needs to be attached to them right like a like a tattoo right ken what do you think i think what you said is absolutely right and i think that just like anything if you go to a doctor many times you'll get a second opinion and i think that parents need to feel okay sometimes trusting their guts you know we know from a lot of research that when somebody trusts their gut it's actually their head as well just some good old common sense and as a parent i've got three teens there are times where i've had to sit with it for a little bit and i go wait a second if i remove my emotions and i use my common sense um i'm gonna give my kid a second opinion i'm gonna love on him and i'll just mention this because this is how we roll at the coleman house i found that the biggest breakthroughs come when we pray and we pray without ceasing we just pray and we pray and we pray and we don't stop praying uh i think that's the wonder drug well i i appreciate your heart lisa your kid's not well wimp your kid's not uh weakling she's gonna be fine your kid's not broken forever either get her connected and stay connected [Music] [Applause] [Music] cliff and i joined christian healthcare ministries because we really like the concept of christians sharing each other's burdens and we really experienced that firsthand when cliff was diagnosed with heart disease it was just such a relief to know that financial burden was going to be taken care of chm is the original and longest serving health cost sharing ministry get started today and check us out at chministries.org [Music] so [Music] do you feel like you'll always be stuck paying off debt or that you'll never have extra money to save and spend how you want it doesn't have to be that way and i'm talking to you yes you who's just vacuuming and you got your headphones in right now or you're driving across the country in a long-haul truck or you're just scrolling through youtube i'm talking to you it doesn't have to be that way you have to believe that you can get rid of this debt and take control of your money because you can and it's not going to take as long as you think i've got so much in debt i'm so much into i know and we've talked to millions of people with ramsay plus we'll kick off we'll kick you off with 90 days of guided help so you can put more of your money back in your bank account you'll learn practical ways to get small consistent wins that add up to big results and better habits and that means you'll get where you want to be faster debt free and spending your money get this without worry another way to say that is with peace this year you can make more progress on your debt and saving than you ever have get ramsay plus and start living the life you want faster to start ramsey plus get this for free text trial to 33789 that's trial t-r-i-a-l-33789 all right let's go to chris in dayton ohio chris what's up how are we doing hello hey chris hey how you doing i'm doing outstanding brother how can we help uh got a quick uh just some advice questions so um i uh 33 uh a wife and three kids and we bought my parents farm last january okay and uh to operating small uh fruit and vegetable farm about 20 acres here um i've been transitioning we rented the farm from them for a few years and we finally bought it i've been transitioning from working a regular job as a diesel mechanic to being self-employed for probably about three years now and last year i went full time on the farm and this fall i've been doing like remodeling stuff so my question is um i'm trying to figure out if uh like i'm trying to figure out so my dad sold me the property for 350 000. it's probably worth about 450 to 500 probably so he gave you a pretty good deal on it right so i have some equity in the property okay but i feel like i'm working my butt off just to try and stay afloat here so i'm trying to find out if i should try a land contract also when you say stay afloat when you say stay afloat you're running the farm and the money the farm is making isn't covering your bills well it does during the summer time but i have to do something in the fall which is fine i don't have a problem doing that but and this is like my passion and the only reason that i bought it is because i got a really good deal on it and my dad was going to sell the farm which i grew up on so um i didn't want it to be gone you know so let me ask you again let me ask you this um during the summer when it's paying the bills does it also throw off enough profit to to pay the bills for the whole year on the farm are you having to do this remodeling to help pay the bills during the off season no the farm pays for its own operating costs and pays us during the summer months that's fantastic now let me ask you this when i do the remodeling none of my remodeling money goes to the farm only goes to painter bills great and does that include you paying down the mortgage on it yes so you called us for a reason i'm not quite sure what what are you having doubts about you sound like you're really thinking through this hit me what do you what do you want us to speak to um so i'm just trying to find out like what would you do in my situation like um i'm working really hard should i just and so here's the thing so we've kind of done the daisy rmd stuff on and off we've never really stuck with it okay so i guess my question is do i just stay with this farm and really stick to the budget and all the baby steps and make this happen or do i try and get out of this and get a job i can get a good paying job and get a small house and like save money really fast so chris did you buy this thing because it tugged at your heartstrings because you had fond memories of this place and now that you're now you're doing it full-time you're looking at hey i got 30 more years of this and i'm i just don't like it it's not what i want to be doing have you had a moment of clarity and honesty no he loves it he said it was his passion you love this yeah this is what i want to do how much debt let's do a real quick analysis how much debt do you have besides the home besides the farm don't don't give me the farm i have 20 000 uh credit card and unsecured loan that that's it that's it 20 000. and you said you're off and on so you understand and you have at times had momentum you've been working the baby steps you know what to do on the debt snowball correct right um and you've got the farmers throwing off money to be able to pay you and pay its mortgage uh and all the expenses i i don't see it being a millstone i don't see this being a problem i think during the off season you're getting with it you've already been working real hard as a farmer i don't know anybody works harder than a farmer no so i'd be getting after it right now maybe a second remodeling job maybe a better paying job in the off season crush the 20 000 and then go all in on the farm unless i'm missing something i think you will regret selling the farm okay and i also i also don't know again i i coming from a farming community i don't know many farmers and i i can be way wrong i don't know many farmers personally that do not also have something that they're doing in the off season right yeah but i have no problem doing that i mean is that land worth a lot whether it's a farm or not um as farm ground it's it's worth a decent amount in our area yeah about ten thousand an acre okay because what i'm saying what i'm thinking through is is what happens if that particular you know because farming has been hit hard pretty you know pretty hard by some of the economic policies you know we're kind of like in uh we're we're kind of a little bit different because we're more of a specialty farm we grow vegetables and we pretty much sell to the local economy which is perfect that's awesome see that was one that's perfect at all see that's great and see you know more about it than i do and that's what i was trying to get at is this a risky uh or very stable type farming product that you are putting down and the answer is it's stable so i think you bust it really hard in the off season and pay that 20 grand off and then you know you could still keep side hustling it for a while you know and uh get that emergency fund where it needs to be uh put that extra on the farm i try to find ways to make more money on that farm and pay that 350 off i think that's your goal i think you're i think you get gazelle intense man i don't think you sell the farm i think you get gazelle intense and realize that this is my dream and i can make this dream more stable if i actually go all in on dave ramsey's baby steps makes sense yeah so hey chris are you answering my question pretty much chris you're married yeah when's the last time you and your wife went on a date a couple weeks ago all right so here's a boy here's what i'm gonna do um we love farmers and i love giving away other people's things so if you will commit to going all in all in on following the baby steps starting from start to finish you're in a rare place where your family had a farm it was able to pass through to you you got a great deal on it you love the work it's hard every day hot and cold and dusty and dirty work but you love it i'm going to give you ramsey plus for a year hey hey and you're going to sit down and watch that with your wife y'all going to go through it together and i'm going to give you a ticket to date night mer money and marriage live stream february 12th that's next friday 7 p.m me and rachel cruz we're going to be um it's a it's an all-in date night you and your wife is going to sit on the couch turn on the tv and it's going to be romance we're going to make you all have to have some hard conversations teach you guys how to dream together about money and then i want you just to let the shackles go we can hear it in your voice man be certain you're going to be in this together and then grow this awesome farm and then pay it off so you can hand it off to one day they're going to come here and do their debt-free scream and bring us some fresh fruit that's what they're going to do that would be huh you like where my head's at i love that this is the dave ramsey show folks it's an honor to tell you about the army national guard not only are they big supporters of our high school curriculum but they also give you the opportunity to impact your local communities whether your goals are to get an education serve your country or have a better life the army national guard can help get you there plus they offer unbelievable financial benefits secure your future today visit nationalguard.com to find out more [Music] this is the dave ramsey show i'm john delony with my good friend ken coleman give us a shout at two 825-5225 triple eight eight two five five two two five let's go to lindsay in woodbridge virginia lindsey how are you doing i'm good thank you for taking my call today you bet thanks for giving us a shout what's going on so i have a question about baby step two and whether or not i need to put money aside for a possible divorce so i've been married for eight years i have several young children i am the working mom and then my husband is a stay-at-home dad great dad really good dad um and we are really great roommates we're best friends we do everything together but from the day we got married i knew there was something wrong i initially thought there was something wrong with me because we had no intimacy no you know cuddling just that there was something wrong i found out during my last pregnant just a couple years ago that he crawl stresses and he has been in a relationship with at least one other man prior to getting married to me nothing after getting married to me that i know of um i can't be attracted to someone who is actively cross-dressing and he is not interested in anything without it okay and so while we are really good roommates i am very very lonely very lonely and some days i just don't think i can do it but other than that we are a really you know we're good friends our kids are happy i don't think our kids have any clue that we have any relationship problems and so with us being in the middle of baby step two we've paid off about two hundred thousand we have just under two hundred thousand to go uh are you a doctor yes i am okay there you go i was gonna say man that's a lot of student loans right great guess yes but we're almost done yeah um i i don't know should i stop it and put money aside for a possible divorce or if i am content enough should i just keep going and keep working on the baby steps and just ignore that aspect we have tried counseling he's not interested in any changes he's not interested in following up and counseling so where does that put you when you say possible divorce he's not interested in any counseling you've already expressed your emotion and where you're at so what's where are you at when you say possible divorce while i'm content most of the time i am so lonely sometimes i don't know how long i can stay married to someone lindsay what kind of testimony what kind of doctor are you i'm primary care okay so i can i'm gonna speak to you like a fellow geek for a second is that okay um you know the the jama the journal of american medical association you know the diseases of despair data don't you yes we are amidst a loneliness epidemic that is killing us through all sorts of chaotic inflammatory responses right whether it is addiction or whether it is people taking their own lives or whether it is what the articles are calling long tail suicide through organ disease failure right and so i'm just speaking geek to you for a second as a way to to soften the blow here but you can't live a life of loneliness just because he's a great father just because y'all are great roommates doesn't mean that you've got to stay married and you've got to stay lonely right part of um part of a marriage is two people working together to co-create a future and i don't care what the other like the the the fact that he has been with other people the fact that he has a way of um showing his authenticity to himself to his core group of people and you have said i don't want to be a part of that moving forward and he has said well tough luck then i don't want to be the one to tell you this lindsay but you called the show he has said my authenticity in this moment is more important than being married to you yeah that's a really nice way saying that i'm going to jump in and say he's made it very clear he doesn't want to be married to you he doesn't want to fix it this is a whole different deal or he wants to be married on his terms right i can't i just don't that's not being married so there is a relationship contract it's not a legal document me i think married is we are together that's right that's right no it's not just in the same house this guy made me a fantastic fantastic roommate but you're gonna crash you're going to crash hard you have crashed haven't you you might have uh-huh i was admitted for depression a couple of years ago but i've gotten to the point where i recognize it wasn't my failing in the marriage i gave it everything i had sure yeah so yeah so what's left what are you waiting on it's hard to do it looking at my kids yep it is yeah that's that's that's true uh let's talk about the financial piece john here because you've got 200 000 left so yeah we want you to pause because you're in the midst of a really big storm and so you need to pause paying off the the debt snowball until we until we figure out the when the how yeah what's that going to look like i mean it's just too uncertain so we want to pause right that's the financial piece the financial piece is um yes you got to pause the baby steps and because you have a as in to use your words because y'all are still best friends because you've got a good relationship you can sit down and have this it's going to be a very hard very challenging but a factual conversation here's where we are at and i'm not willing to continue to be lonely inside my own home anymore and you've made it clear that you're not interested in co-creating a future together with me and so as ken said as i said your husband's painting the picture for you right and now not by your hand but in your lap now you're forced to make some hard decisions and here's where we are and i don't know that you're going to find two people more high on marriage than ken and i um i'm not in the business of telling people in their marriage but i am in the business of telling the truth and the reality is lindsay you've told me your marriage is over and that it is at this point it's drowning you yeah and i'm not gonna sit by and watch a friend be drowned right so yeah as far as the money goes hard conversation you got to pause the baby steps you're all going to have to um make some hard decisions about how you're going to move forward together how are you going to work out the parenting all that stuff's going to have to happen together this is not going to be an easy road moving forward i hope everybody can act like an adult and y'all can work together in this transition and i always always always i'm going to circle back to my hope for reconciliation for people to come together but you've been doing that for a long time and so it's time to call what it is what it is and make the hard hard decisions together and then continue to honor each other around your kids don't ever ever ever be in the badmouthing game either of you honor each other in front of your kids and this is gonna be a hard hard season to walk um and i want to thank you for honoring us with your trust here i know this is a hard call to make and um we'll be thinking about you moving forward yeah and i would just say this that you know you've done some great things in in paying off 200 000 worth of debt you're going through some extremely extremely painful stuff personally pressing pause don't feel guilty for that for a second you work through all this that john said and then there's going to be a season where you'll be able to pick back up and you'll get there and uh hopefully it's whole uh in a in a healthy relationship where you're not alone so and i want to call it we'll second guess it let's let's um in key i think it's important to not let people off the hook here it's easy to hear a call like this and go i don't know anybody who dresses in women's clothes or who feels this way or is attracted to people i get this call all the time ken about video games and about alcohol and about spending money and about have to have another car and a house this size where you get somebody who's married and the person they're married to says i'm doing my life this way without you that's right that's exactly right without yeah that's right the really the details and the sensational whatever you think is sensational whether you don't think it's sensational the fact of the matter is is when one of the spouses says i'm not interested in counseling which means i'm not interested in reconciliation i'm not interested and they've been unfaithful [Music] then you know it's not by your hand but in your lap and you've got some hearts so you've been forced to deal with it and so you don't quit living you keep moving i hate that for i really do and the kids stay in there lindsay stay in there this is the dave ramsey show [Music] [Music] our scripture of the day is first john 3 20 for whenever our heart condemns us god is greater than our heart and he knows everything rosa parks says stand for something or you will fall for anything today's mighty oak is yesterday's nut that held its ground that's a great quote all right let's go to curt in columbus ohio kurt how are we doing how are you doing today outstanding brother how can we help um so i'm fairly new to the whole dave ramsey program trying to figure out the best way to attack my debt i am currently engaged me and my fiance are going to get married in june um and so i have roughly about 8 000 in a car loan that i'm working on paying off hopefully without getting crazy with that i should be able to cut off like a year and a half she's going to have about 40 000 in student loans i know i have about 18 000 in investments that i've been thinking about selling off to pay off the car and she is about 10 in her savings account my question was should i hold on to selling what i have in the stock market to wait to pay off her student loans because we have six months of interest free with those or should i go ahead and sell to pay off pay off the car loan faster and then we'll be paying on the student loans for i'm figuring for about eight months to a year after after we get married what's do you have single stocks in the stock market or are you talking about cashing out a retirement plan uh no that's separate from what i have in my retirement that would that would just be non-retirement investments like what uh it's just uh uh s p uh uh i don't know that's the stock spy it's just a mutual fund tracker so how much is it worth if you cashed in today what are we talking about that stock uh it's just over if i sold everything it'd be just over eighteen thousand yeah but you're gonna take a hit are you gonna take it no no hit on that okay so he's gonna get that so i how much is the car worth uh the car i owe like i owe about eight on it but the car if i would sell it i could sell it for about 15. hey i like that better yes uh i like that better um but you could sell the single stocks yeah i'm selling every single stock i got and i'm gonna pay off stuff if you can get money for your car and get into a cheaper car but yeah sell your single stocks today and get out and pay your debt off smallest to largest don't over complicate this system you're somebody that loves the adventure and the risk and coming up with a scheme aren't you um hey brother i'm the same way dude like i can't tell you when me and my wife were going through this i had hey listen honey i figured out a new way to sideways this deal and to go around the loopty loops and do somersault here's the thing man put your debts in order smallest to largest get a thousand dollar emergency fund which is going to freak you out cash out your single stocks and pay this stuff off yeah so let's run through these numbers okay so you said you can sell the single stocks and get 18 grand correct yeah all right so the cars you got 8 000 debt so that's going to leave you 10 left over you're going to put the thousand dollars into the emergency fund so that gives you nine grand right right okay and the cars paid off and and and you know the fiat i'd save the nine and when when we actually walked down the aisle i'd put the nine put the nine on there for her and do you have that's going to knock it down to 31 for her student loans and then you guys attack that remaining 31 000 with a vengeance you guys are going to pay that off quick you had a payoff date of about eight nine months i thought you said correct for the forty thousand uh yes it's yeah she had she has about ten and saving in her own savings and i've talked to her and she's getting on board done oh hello so now we so so now we take her ten because you've got the one thousand yep that john had you put away and so now i've got that at about 21 000 if i did my math right and then you got two incomes y'all are going to crush this you're not going to do anything dumb like go buy a eight bedroom house your first two weeks of being married you're going to go be smart you're going to use bedroom house you're gonna use both incomes you're gonna knock this out and asap yeah and then you're gonna be able to breathe and then you're gonna be able to enjoy your marriage debt-free with no strings no chains no nothing that's how you do it all right yeah man now it's 21 000 after you make all those moves you're only gonna have 21 000 to attack together that's great or you can do this curt you can hang on to that stock and in six months it's going to drop in half and then you're going to be calling us back going hey how do i figure this one out too right hey you know what to do you're a smart guy put all your creative energy in wooing and falling deeper in love with your wife follow the plan that millions have followed step by step by step and i want to point something out because i misunderstood for a second but it's like i heard that retirement never ever ever cash out retirement no never ever ever ever cash out 401k or retirement funds to pay off debt okay that's where you take the tax hit and you end up not doing it so that so just want to be clear because we have a lot of new listeners come in there uh you don't touch that but the stocks yes that's a good move single stock selling yeah that's risky as it is most people lose their shirt on that deal yeah so there you go all right let's take one more quick call to luke in meridian idaho luke are you anywhere near pocatello uh about three hours away that's what i'm talking about hey hold up listen we had a good friend here from pocatello that called his name is nick flowers he sent us some pocatello high school we needed to give quick context and then get to the call we had nick on what a week ago when we were on together and we loved the name pocatello so much we got excited about it because we both have adhd and and i said is there a pocatello high school he said yes i said i'd love some memorabilia i was totally goofing off nick sent you a t-shirt and sent me this hoodie they hooked us up so shout out to nick uh for the free hoodie that's right so luke that's not why you called i just got excited because you're near pocatello my third or fourth favorite city in the country now but you can uh save meridian here how can we help um yeah so i'm just looking for uh for some advice on some opportunities that uh opened up um so basically uh i had a internship over in the uk that opened up recently um that i got into um about something i'm like pretty passionate about okay um but i also have applications currently in to uh west point and the naval academy whoa um and so basically i would leave in april and then um if i got into the academies i would come back in june so i was just wondering if i should take that um or just like stay home and enjoy my time before i make a pretty big commitment to west point or the naval academy well you applied to my home for like eight years yeah but luke you applied for this internship because you wanted to do it you thought it might be good for you yes or no yeah it's in the uk that's pretty cool too great experience yes or no yeah i think you do it i you haven't given me one good reason why you shouldn't do it other than you're going to be going away and i understand that so it's like if you're worried about friends and family and if that's your heart tugging at you i think you listen to that too what's really making you doubt the decision to take this internship and go to the uk um financial part of it i guess is part of it um i have the money to do it it's just going to come to my savings because i have about 15 000 saves right now does it put you on the path does this internship is it going to help you in the future uh yes kind of okay i mean here's the deal if if you've got the money for it and it is a good experience for you and it actually is something that will add value to your long-term goals i'd do it but if it's just a pure fun thing and you then you've got to weigh it you've got to weigh it what would you rather have at the end of this time the experience and less money or more money and no experience i think that's what it boils down to unless i'm missing something so what are you leaning towards right now i'm leaning more towards just doing it for at least two months and then uh going to west point or the naval academy i just come home a little bit earlier than i normally would do it john what do you think for sure man yeah great experience you're gonna miss out on like all right bros let's all go hey or an awesome opportunity right okay i think one of the greatest greatest experiences that any human being can have is to see the world to go to other cultures blew my mind i got out of america and i got to see large parts of the world and i was like i'm really small not in kansas anymore toto that's exactly right like to thank james childs and kelly daniel for putting on another great show thank you so much for being with us america ken appreciate you always fun this has been the dave ramsey show [Music] [Music] [Music] you

Channel: The Ramsey Show - Full Episodes

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Id: cPZJXS0qub4

Length: 122min 35sec (7355 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 04 2021