Don't Die Before Your Death - Muniba Mazari #IronLady

whoa I'm running short of words right now but I cannot afford this because I have to speak thank you so much for all the love for all the warmth thank you for accepting me thank you very much [Music] well I always start my talk with a disclaimer and that disclaimer is that I've never claimed to be a motivational speaker yes I do speak but I feel more like a Storyteller because wherever I go I share a story with everyone well it is a story of a woman who's perfectly imperfect life made her who and what she is today it's the story of a woman who in Pursuit offered dreams and aspirations made other people realize that if you think that your life is hard and you're giving up on that because you think your life is unfair think again because when you think that way you are being unfair to your own self it's the story of a woman who made people realize that sometimes problems are not too big we are too small because we cannot handle them it is the story of a woman who we time realized the real happiness doesn't lie in success money Fame it lies within real happiness lies in gratitude so I am here and I'm going to share the story of that woman that is my story the story of gratitude [Applause] I love you too I love you all I Believe In The Power of Words many people speak before they think but I know the value of words the words can make you break you they can heal your soul they can damage you forever so I always try to use the positive words in my life Wherever I Go they call it adversity I call it opportunity they call it weakness I call it strength they call me disabled I call myself differently able they see my disability they see my disability I see my ability there are some incidents that happen in your life and those incidents are so strong that they change your DNA those incidents or accidents are so strong that they break you physically they deform your body but they transform your soul those incidents break you deform you but they mold you into the best version of you and the same thing happened to me and I'm going to share what exactly happened to me I was 18 years old when I got married and this thing I'm sharing for the very first time on an international level I was 18 years old when I got married I belonged to a very conservative family a Baloch family where good daughters never say no to their parents my father wanted me to get married and all I said was if that makes you happy I'll say yes and of course it was never a happy marriage just about after two years of getting married about nine years ago I'm at a car accident somehow my husband fell asleep and the car fell in the ditch he managed to jump out saved himself I'm happy for him but I stayed inside the car and I sustained a lot of injuries the list is a bit long don't get scared I'm perfectly fine now radius ulna of my right arm were fractured the wrist was fractured shoulder bone and collarbone were fractured my whole rib cage got fractured and because of the ribcage injury lungs and liver were badly injured I couldn't breathe I lost urine and bowel control that's why I have to wear the bag Wherever I Go but that injury that changed me and my life completely as a person and my perception towards living my life was the spine injury three vertebra of my backbone were completely crushed and I got paralyzed for the rest of my life so this accident took place in a far-flung area in the outskirts of a very small Province Balochistan where there was no first aid no hospital no ambulance I was in the middle of nowhere in that toppled car many people came to rescue they gave me CBR they dragged me out of the car and while they were dragging me out I got the complete transaction of my spinal cord and now there was this debate going on should we keep it here she's going to die where should we go there is no ambulance there was this four-wheeler Jeep standing in the corner of the street they said put her in the back of the Jeep and take her to the hospital which is three hours away from this place and I still remember that bumpy ride I was all broken they threw me at the back of the Jeep and they rushed me to the hospital that is where I realized that my half body was fractured and half was paralyzed I finally ended up in a hospital where I stayed for two and a half months I underwent multiple surgeries doctors have put a lot of titanium in my arm there's a lot of titanium at my back to fix my back that's why people in Pakistan call me The Iron Lady of Pakistan sometimes I wonder how easy it is for me to describe all this all over it again and somebody has rightly said that when you share your story and it doesn't make you cry that means you have healed [Applause] those two and a half months in the hospital were Dreadful I will not make up stories just to inspire you I was at the words of despair one day doctor came to me and he said well I heard that you wanted to be an artist but you ended up being a housewife I have a bad news for you won't be able to paint again because your wrist and your arm are so deformed you won't be able to hold the pen again and I stayed quiet next day doctor came to me and said your spine injury is so bad you won't be able to walk again I took a deep breath and I said it's all right the red stay doctor came to me and said because of your spine injury and the fixation that you have in your back you won't be able to give birth to a child again that day I was devastated I still remember I asked my mother why me and that is where I started to question my existence that why am I even alive what's the point of living I cannot walk I cannot paint fine I cannot be a mother and we have this thing in our heads being women that we are incomplete without having children I am going to be an incomplete woman for the rest of my life what's the point people are scared they think I will get divorced what is going to happen to me why me why am I alive we all try to chase the stunnel we all do this because we see light in the end of the tunnel which keeps us going my dear friends in my situation there was a tunnel that I had to roll on but there was no light and that is where I realized that the works have the power to heal the soul my mother said to me this too shall pass God has a greater plan for you I don't know what it is but he surely has and in all that distress and grief somehow or the other those words were so magical that they kept me going I was trying to put that smile on my face all the time was hiding it was so hard to hide the pain which was there but all I knew was that if I will give up my mother and my brothers will give up too I cannot see them crying with me so what kept me going was one day I asked my brothers I know I have a deformed hand but I'm tired of looking at these white walls in the hospital and wearing these white scrubs I'm getting tired of this I want to add more colors to my life I want to do something bring me some colors bring me some small canvas I want to paint so the very first painting I made was on my dead bed where I painted for the very first time it was not just an art piece or just my passion it was my therapy what an amazing therapy it was without uttering a single word I could paint my heart out I could share my story people used to come and say what lovely painting so much color nobody could see the grief in it only I could so that's how I spent two and a half months in my Hospital crying never complaining or whining but painting and then I was discharged and I went back home and I went back home and I realized that I have developed a lot of pressure ulcers on my back and on my hip bone I was unable to sit there were a lot of infections in my body a lot of allergies so doctors wanted me to lie down on the bed straight for not six months for not one year for two years I was bedridden confined in that one room looking outside the window listening to the birds chirping and thinking maybe there will be a time when we'll be going out with the family and enjoying the nature that was the time where I realized how lucky people are but they don't realize that is the time where I realized that the day I'm going to sit I'm going to share this pain with everyone to make them realize how blessed they are and they don't even consider them lucky they are always turning points in your life there was a rebirth day that I celebrated after two years and two and a half months when I was able to sit on a wheelchair that was the day when I had the rebirth I was a completely different person I still remember the day I sat on the wheelchair for the first time knowing that I'm never going to leave this knowing that I won't be able to walk for the rest of my life I saw myself in the mirror and I talked to myself and I still remember what I said I cannot wait for a miracle to come and make me walk I cannot sit in the corner of the room crying cribbing and begging for mercy because nobody has time so I have to accept myself the way I am the sooner the better so I applied the lip color for the first time and I erased it [Applause] and I cried and I said what am I doing a person on a wheelchair should not do this what will people say clean it up put it again this time I put it for myself because I wanted to feel perfect from within and that day I decided that I'm going to live life for myself I am not going to be that perfect person for someone I am just going to take this moment and I will make it perfect for myself and you know how it all began that day I decided that I'm going to fight my fears we all have fears fear of unknown fear of known fear of losing people fear of losing Health money we want to excel in career we want to become famous we want to get money we are scared all the time so I wrote down one by one all those fears and I decided that I'm going to overcome these fears one at a time you know what was my biggest fear divorce I couldn't stand this word I was trying to cling on to this person who didn't want me anymore but I said no I have to make it work but the day I decided that this is nothing but my fear I liberated Myself by setting him free and I made myself emotionally so strong that the day I got the news that he's getting married I sent him a text that I'm so happy for you and I wish you all the best and he knows that I pray for him today my biggest fear number two was I won't be able to be a mother again and that was quite devastating for me but then I realized there are so many children in the world all they want is acceptance so there is no point of crying just go and adopt one and that's what I did I gave my name in different organizations different orphanages I didn't mention that I'm on a wheelchair dying to have a child so I just told them that this is and she wants to adopt a boy or girl whatsoever but I want to adopt a kid and I waited patiently two years later I got this call from a very small city in Pakistan I got a call and they said are you manipa mazari there is a baby boy and would you like to adopt and when I say yes I could literally feel the labor pain I said yes yes I am going to adopt him I am coming to take him home and when I reached there the man was sitting and he was looking at me from head to toe and in back of my head I kept thinking that oh my God he is going to say she's on the wheelchair she doesn't deserve it how is she going to take care of him and I looked at him and I said do not judge me because I'm on the wheelchair but you know what he said he said I know you will be the best mother of this child you both are lucky to have each other and that day that was two years old two days old and today he's six [Applause] you will be surprised to know another bigger fear that I had in me it was facing people I used to hide myself from people when I was on bed for two years I used to keep the door closed I used to pretend that I'm not going to meet anyone tell them that I'm sleeping you know why because I couldn't stand that sympathy that they had for me they used to treat me like a patient when I used to smile they used to look at me and say that you're smiling are you okay I was tired of this question being asked are you sick well a lady yesterday at the airport asked me are you sick and I said well um besides the spinal cord injury I'm fine I guess but those are really cute questions they never used to feel cute when I was on the bed so I used to hide myself from people knowing that oh my God I'm not going to see that sympathy in their eyes it's all right and today I'm here speaking to all these amazing people because I have overcome the fear thank you you know when you end up being on the wheelchair what's the most painful thing that's another fear that people on the wheelchair or the people who are differently abled have in their hearts but they never share I'll share that with you the lack of acceptance people think that they will not be accepted by other people because we in the world of perfect people are Imperfects so I decided that instead of starting an NGO for disability awareness which I know will not help anyone I started to appear more in public I started to paint I always wanted to I have done a lot of exhibitions I'm Pakistan's first wheelchair-bound artist I have done a lot of modeling campaigns different campaigns for Brands like Tony and Guy I have done some really funny breaking the barriers kind of modeling there was this one by the name clown town where I became a clown because I know that clowns have hearts too and then I also decided that if I really want to make the difference I am not going to let people use me for their polio campaigns where they will make you a victim at an emblem of misery and mercy and we'll say that you know what give polio drops to your children or they'll become like this girl I decided that I'm going to join the National TV of Pakistan as an anchor person and I have been doing a lot of shows for last three years [Applause] so when you accept yourself The Way You Are The World recognizes you it all starts from within I became thank you I became the national Goodwill Ambassador for U.N women Pakistan and now I speak for the rights of women children we talk about inclusion diversity gender equality which is a must I was featured in BBC 100 women for 2015. I'm one of the Forbes 30 under 30 for 2016. [Applause] and it all didn't happen alone you all are thriving in your careers you have bigger dreams and aspirations in life always remember one thing on the road to success there is always we not me do not think that you alone can achieve things no there is always another person who is standing behind you maybe not coming on the Forefront but behind you praying for you and supporting you never lose that person never [Applause] no matter how much I say that I couldn't find a hero so I became one I still want to recognize those three people in my life who literally changed my life completely and I get inspiration from them every single day Waleed Khan many people know about the terrorist attacks in Pakistan we have lost many people and I'm sharing this with a very heavy heart because we actually have lost a lot of people in this huge turmoil of terrorism these people are barbarians they do not see people they are they're they're even worse than animals they have killed people in mosques they have killed people in churches temples even in schools there was this terrorist attack in army public school Peshawar where these terrorists entered in an examination Hall and they killed our children and in that attack that day this beautiful boy Waleed Khan who is my hero my real life hero was the proctor who was taking care of the students was keeping an eye on the students those barbarians shot him three times in the face five times on his body and he fell down I was asked to give a talk in the school after a week of that terrorist attack with a very heavy heart I went there and I spoke we sang a few National songs I thought that maybe I've done my part but deep inside it was killing me I could see children injured I could see children sitting on the wheelchairs looking at me wondering what next what was our fault just because we were here to give examination we have been shot so many people so many children lost their friends their classrooms were empty the next day they went to the classroom so this kid Walid Khan I was asked that he is in in a hospital right now and you have to go and see him and motivate him and tell him that it's going to be okay and when I saw valid Khan coming on the wheelchair for the first time in front of me face was all deformed his leg was fractured his arm was fractured he couldn't talk he lost his teeth he cannot sneeze he cannot smell he cannot eat and I kept thinking what should I say that everything is going to be all right no nothing is all right and while I was juggling with the words what to say what not to say this beautiful child Waleed Khan came to me and he said are you muniba mazari I said yes he said bhaji let's take a selfie and with that beautiful toothless smile of valid Khan we took that beautiful selfie that I still have with me I don't share that here because he was in a very bad shape that time and that is where I realized that when I was thinking too much about his deformities he's happy with himself he doesn't even care because today he goes in the same school and when somebody asks him that what happened to your face why so many scars you know what he says these scars are my medals and I wear them with pride and how beautifully he says the terrorists wanted me not to study I am going to study I will become a doctor one day and this is my way of taking Revenge from those terrorists another like real life hero of course my son his name is Niall n-i-l-a River Nile I learned so much from this kid the first and foremost thing is patience how to be patient when you know that your mother cannot walk when you know that your mother is different from the other women when you know that your mother cannot go out and play with you how to stay calm he loves football and when we got the very first football he was four years old he was super excited I still remember he came in the room and he said Mom let's play football and he kept the ball in my feet and he said let's kick it and that day I felt disabled I said I cannot kick the ball and I was down with the same face he looked at me and he said well that's all right your legs are not working but your hands do let's play catch the ball you know with that day he made me realize that when you think your glass is half empty come on your glass is half full it's all in here and here last but not least the woman who made me realize that Heroes have no gender the woman who believed in me even when I was completely at the words of Despair where everybody left she was there and every time I looked at her without saying anything she used to look at me and said this too shall pass God has a bigger plan and one day you will say that oh my God that is why God has chosen me she never cried in front of me she's always said that there will be haters there will be naysayers there will be disbelievers and then there will be you proving them wrong my mother whatever I am today I'm nothing without her I'm nothing without her thank you Mama I wish you were here thank you for making me who I am today [Applause] you know what we human beings have a problem out of many problems there is one more and this is self-created one we always expect ease from life we have this Amazing Fantasy about life this is how things should work this is my plan it should go as per my plan if that doesn't happen we give up so my dear friends let me tell you one thing I never wanted to be on the wheelchair never thought of being on the wheelchair I was always aspiring to do bigger things but had no idea that for that I have to pay the price to be where I am today it's a very heavy price this life is a test and a trial and tests are trials are never supposed to be easy so When You're Expecting ease from life and life gives you lemons then you make the lemonade and then do not blame life for that because you were expecting ease from a trial s make you a stronger better person life is a trial every time you realize that it is okay to be scared it is okay to cry everything is okay but giving up should not be an option they always say that failure is not an option failure should be an option because when you fail you get up and then you fail and then you get up and that keeps you going that's how humans are strong failure is an option should be an option but giving up is not never we have this thing in mind we call it perfection we want everything perfect we want ourselves to be perfect there is this image in our head about everything perfect life perfect relationships perfect career perfect amount of money that we need to earn no matter what nothing is perfect in this world we all are perfectly imperfect and that is perfectly all right that's all right you were we were sent here not to become the perfect people those people who tell you how to look perfect even those people are imperfect trying to fight this fear of looking imperfect I used to be perfect I still remember I got this compliment years ago when I used to walk oh my God look at you you're fair you're tall you're perfect Look At Me Now [Music] only the perfect eyes can see that only the perfect eyes will see that only the perfect eyes will see that so yes in all those imperfections you have to listen to your heart you don't have to look good for people you don't have to be perfect just because other people want you to be perfect if your soul is perfect from within that's all right this is all what you want this is all what you need to be our society has made very weird very weird kind of norms to look perfect and great for men it's different for women it's different we think too much about what people say with we listen to ourselves too little you know what makes you perfect when you make someone smile you know what makes you perfect when you try to do something good for the people around you you know what makes you perfect when you feel someone's pain and how beautiful pain is that it connects you with people no other medium can connect you with others but pain that's why I always say that I'm in pain and that's a blessing in disguise for me today just because I'm in pain and I'm on the wheelchair I work for children being the head of CSR for a company we conduct medical camps in far-flung areas of Pakistan where so many kids die because they don't have medical facilities and I personally believe just because they cannot afford to live doesn't mean we let them die so we give them many we give them medical treatment we try to heal their wounds physical and emotional and I also work for The Beautiful People we call them third gender the transgender community of Pakistan you know what connects me with them all my imperfections when I go and I hug them they never judge me and this very good friend of mine her name is bijli bishlim is electricity she calls herself electricity and I said are you electricity she says no I'm lightning I'm as strong as Lightning [Applause] we have because we have very bad power outage so she doesn't want me to call her electricity so she says I am very strong I am Thunder I'm lightning she came to me and the first time I hugged her she said you are just like me and I said yes I am like you because to people we are so imperfect so how beautiful these imperfections are that because of these imperfections you can connect with people then why are we all running after being perfect what's the point [Applause] every time I go in public I always smile it's always a big toothy smile on my face and people ask me don't you get tired of smiling all the time what's the secret I always say one thing that I have stopped worrying about the things that I have lost the people that I've lost things and people who are meant to be with me are with me and sometimes somebody's absence make you a better person cherish their absence it's always it's always a blessing in disguise I always say that people are so lucky they don't even realize you must be thinking okay you're lucky in what sense well the breath that you just took was a blessing embrace it there are so many people in the world who are dreaming to live a life that you are living right now you have no idea Embrace each and every breath that you are taking celebrate your life live it don't die before your death we all die oh we live this one routine of a day for 75 years and we call it life no that's not life if you're still thinking why you have been sent here if you're still juggling with the concept of why you are here you haven't lived yet you work hard you make money you do it for yourself that's not life you go out you seek for people who need your help you make their lives better you become that sponge which can absorb all the negativity and you become that person who can emit beautiful Positive Vibes and when you realize that you have changed someone's life and because of you this person didn't give up that is the day when you live always we were talking about gratitude why I smile all the time I cry all night when nobody sees me because I'm a human and I have to keep the balance and I smile all day because I know that if I will smile I can make people smile that keeps me going be grateful for what you have and you will always always end up having more but if you'll cry and if you'll for the little things that you don't have or the things that you've lost you will never ever have enough sometimes we are too busy thinking about the things that we don't have that we forget to cherish the blessings that we have I'm not saying that I'm not healthy and that makes me unlucky but yes it is hard it is hard when I say that I cannot walk it is hard to say when I wear this bag it hurts but I have to keep going because never giving up is the way to live always so I'll end my talk on a very short note live your life fully accept yourself the way you are be kind to yourself be kind to yourself I'll repeat be kind to yourself and only then you can be kind to others love yourself and spread that love life will be hard there will be turmoils there will be trials but that will only make you stronger never give up the real happiness doesn't lie in money or success or fame I have this all I never wanted this real happiness lies in gratitude so be grateful be alive and live every moment thank you so much everyone thank you

Channel: Inspiring Minds

Views: 2,673,194

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Id: meOWV1w2GE8

Length: 38min 47sec (2327 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 16 2023