Do You Know a Perfectionist? Watch This. [New Personality Disorder Series]

[Music] you can watch the best parts of this series at met circle comm do you know someone who is controlling overly focused on details or closed off to new perspectives or ways of doing things they may have obsessive-compulsive personality disorder or OCPD which is often confused with but much different than the better-known condition OCD welcome to the med circle original series OCPD coexisting with the perfectionist and coping with control dr. Robert II thanks for being back with us hello callie it is so special when you walk through that door to me because i just like we're going to learn something we're gonna make our lives better we're gonna get an education and let's start with OCPD what is that okay OCPD like you said probably one of the most misunderstood of all of the personality disorders largely because the name is so similar to a very commonly discussed mental disorder obsessive-compulsive disorder or OCD OCPD stands for obsessive-compulsive personality disorder honestly it's a very different animal so it's a pattern of you know a chronic pattern a chronic maladaptive pattern of orderliness perfectionism control mental control emotional control environmental control and an over focus on details there's also a real rigidity to it a moral rigidity a financial rigidity these are folks who are not open to any kinds of new perspectives new ways of doing things they lack flexibility they're very inefficient and it's that's an interesting kind of we'll talk about it it's an interesting thing they look efficient to the world because everything's so orderly but in fact they're really not and they kind of lose the plot a little bit they like they'll make lists but they won't get things done that's the that's the inefficiency so it's it's an interesting disorder because it's not an easy one to be in the presence of quite frankly there's a there's sort of a little bit of an antagonistic feel because they're so caught up in sort of the details people with this people with this pattern people just disorder often present his workaholics if ever there was a place that the workaholics probably land in the sort of our diagnostic lexicon it would be OCPD when you started explaining the traits before you got to the rigidity and the the orderly nests that they enjoy it sounded like a lot like narcissus what's interesting you're bringing up something very interesting here because and it's not talked about it a lot but because there's such a focus on control in these folks control of the environment control of other people control of the rules they're very controlling as it were controls a huge part of the dynamic and narcissism the other pieces that they're so focused on the orderliness and the control that they'll favor that over the needs of the people around them that can definitely be experienced by those other people as a lack of empathy you know I think the best example I could give is that lets say you're told dinner is at 6:00 and you had a little bit of a late meeting and you had a sick child and then you were running late in traffic and you end up and you'll even text and say listen I'm gonna be a little late and you show up at 6:25 the host the OCPD host will say I said six dinners done so they don't even hide it oh hey I know that's and there's no very interesting Thursday there can they can feel very cold you know they can feel very cold very clipped and it's this sense of I think people don't know what to do with it because most of us are a little bit sloppy life is messy and so it's the they're more concerned with having a white sofa and having plastic covers on it than having their grandchildren over I get it why then is this related to OCD yep it this is where it gets interesting in fact this is a very fine teaching point I end up having to make with my students and they always get it wrong on the students come on so but here's the difference there's some common top notes in the sense that there is a sense of trying to control things there is probably a little of anxiety a little anxiety in both disorders but honestly that's about where it begins and ends one key difference and I'm going to use a term that feels very technical but then I'm going to make it very familiar there's a term we use called ego-syntonic a little bit of an old-school term what ego-syntonic means is when symptoms or patterns are kind of consistent with who we are we're actually kind of okay with it okay people with OCD obsessive compulsive disorder not ego-syntonic very uncomfortable right the obsessions are very intrusive very anxiety producing the compulsions they even know in many cases this is a waste of time I'm not fitting in with people this is ruining my life OCPD different game very ego-syntonic that they are like this is Who I am look at my clean house look at my clean schedule look at how everything so orderly everything in my refrigerator is labeled you know it's that kind of a situation and these are the rules and this is what I believe in either you believe it or bye-bye you know so they're actually kind of like they sort of run a very clear it's almost like addicted dictatorship yes they're very clear on how it is so these are seeking out therapy then very often what is a rule no the in fact where you might see them is when I reflect on the times I've worked with clients with this pattern it was either kind of embedded in more of a narcissistic picture or they were struggling with another clinical issue like anxiety or like major depressive disorder so I was managing that issue and then I was starting to see the sort of rigidity kind of come up I'm not really a good rigid person's therapist so I think that a lot of folks would probably kind of go away I'm I'm a there's something I don't know you feel like you're kind of sitting in a living room with me so I have a different feel there are therapists out there that sort of do do well with this and may even resonate with it a little bit more but I'm not your gal so I'm not gonna see it that much so why do you think there aren't more people who are aware of OCPD first of all and the patterns we see in OCPD perfectionism orderliness control strangely their patterns society kind of values right like closeted porn or a refrigerator porn like you walk you know at first I go what is closeted porn now I understand everything's organized and labeled and we I mean there's entire YouTube channels devoted to that kind of thing and we take photographs and we think I want all my shoes alphabetized you know so there is this sense that when you are orderly there's a virtue there you know the person whose car is so neat and clean and gets detailed regularly and has the schedule color-coded on the wall these are viewed as almost virtues we don't tend to look at sloppy people and say you go you know we're like get it together and so those are looked at as virtues and I would still look at those as virtues but if that person is is lashing out at people but that's where it's a subtle point they're not lashing out okay if I say to you you show up to my house at 6:25 and I said Kyle dinner was at 6:00 dinner's done yeah I I would never come to dinner no no no and it's already been put away like if the dishes are lost yeah I'm just saying to you if somebody said that to me I go yeah girls like I don't like that yeah and you know but the thing is though you know what many people would do say I'm so sorry and they'd be very apologetic and it sets into place a very uncomfortable dance and so you know nobody's gonna say you know get combative with somebody they were in fact late right um there's a real moralistic overtone to this pattern too if you do one misstep that they don't agree with like I don't know let's say you I don't know you find an extra movie ticket on the ground and you're like let's just dance there I know they'll say hello this is a rule you're stealing you're stealing from the multiplex I'm not comfortable or even worse this is one thing I have seen they will have very very moralistically rigid rules about things all of us struggle with like things like infidelity or even in their own friends and I remember once it was actually I heard this more conversationally it made me think on this that somebody knew their friend was quite rigid then the front and then this the person was sharing a story said you know listen I had a sloppy night in Vegas you know I did and I was probably a little in the woman who's telling the story was married and I probably a little bit more flirty than I should have been with this guy nothing untoward but the very rigid friend noted it and said yeah I'm not friends with cheaters friendship done like they will dismiss people who are not in line with what they believe to be right and wrong and they're not they don't tend to have that open and flexible personality style to try new to try new things new experiences they'll go on vacation to the same place every single year you know they're not gonna try there they're not gonna be open to new perspectives are they predictable very predictable not in a nice way right very but we know what's likely of going yeah yeah what are some misconceptions about people with OCPD well here's here's what's in it here's interesting and the interesting observation I was thinking about that when I was driving over to this shoot is that a lot of people like let's say your car is super clean and you're like ah don't put your soda can in my car or something like that you might say oh you're so OCD mmm-hmm they're talking about this we're using these terms and sometimes you sort of bandy around some of these mental health sturms this is what people are talking about that really rigid really controlled and controlling person controlling their space controlling their environment the labeled refrigerator the you know hyper organized closet that's not to say all organized people are like this I don't want people to say I don't have a really organized closet I have this issue no because this some person may also be very open and flexible it's fine if you show up at six-thirty they'll be fine with those other kinds of things they won't be antagonistic in that way they won't be so controlling over everything that they can't let in a different they can't be flexible you know sometimes you know sometimes you miss the flight you know sometimes you're late and to be able to cope with that I understand all of that and the the point I am unclear on though is because this is a disorder it has to negatively impact their life and their you highlight the biggest struggle we have throughout the whole personality disorder lexicon in in any diagnostic manual is that the pattern has to be causing social and or occupational impairment or market impairment or distress which is a fancy way of saying the person is uncomfortable with this pattern and so you're gonna not gonna find a lot of people who were gonna show up with this unless they say they may come into therapy and say you know what my partner and I'm a husband and I'm my wife and I we keep fighting because I need things to be a certain way and this is I can't let go of this but I guess if I don't let go of this we're done all right so what about the people who are living with someone with OCPD or know somebody who has that what will they get out of this series that will benefit their lives you know I'm hoping that people who watch this series will sort of understand this is an interesting you know kind of octopus-like pattern because it doesn't just go down that one path of control it takes in some other territory like this sort of this inefficiency this inflexibility this rigidity so while they're all clusters together it does go in different directions to understand the sort of how wide this pattern is this isn't just about the organized closet so before people want to sort of label out to understand it takes in more territory than you think that it's you understand that it doesn't feel good and it's okay to get frustrated that this may feel uncomfortable um some workarounds you know for how to deal with this this is not an easy this is not an easy pattern to coexist with if you're not like this also and might even help people understand for example why this person and this pattern is causing lots of rifts for example in this person's extended family it might be turning holidays or birthdays into a nightmare it might be even causing interestingly for how efficient these people look they're not yeah and it could be making it difficult for them to keep a job or it's causing workplace strife so it might help people understand how all of these patterns play out in people who at the face of it may just look like they're very buttoned up very rigid very controlled very tidy but there's a bit more than that and to distinguish it from OCD which is an entirely different phenomenon we have a lot to unpacked yeah we better get to it as a med circle member you can access this entire series on OCPD you can also access the series on OCD that will give the exact education you need to make those differentiations I'm Kyle Kittleson and remember whatever you're going through you got this thanks for watching your next step is to go to med circle comm and finish watching this series there you can also access other series and get actionable advice and simple explanations continue your mental health journey at med circle comm and I'll see you there [Music]

Channel: MedCircle

Views: 330,063

Keywords: personality disorder, personality disorders, obsessive, compulsive, disorder, personality, medcircle, kyle kittleson, mental illness, mental, health, discussion, ocpd, ocd, dr. ramani, dr. ramani borderline, bipolar, borderline, interview, ramani, durvasula, psychologist, psychology, expert, identity, mood, fear, relationships, behavior, antisocial, good, evil, emotion, depression, anxiety, suicidal, thoughts, behaviors, documentary, podcast, conversation, talk show, trait, help, perfectionist, mental health, video, youtube

Id: 4ZCU_RxyCiY

Length: 13min 38sec (818 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 08 2019