Disconnected - Part 2 - The Words We Need To Hear

yes what my recent check not thought 6000 like I'm going to be famous one day soon I'll be on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon I'm gonna be super famous and listen me so excited get all my friends now we favor so we can go up Lissa's together oh I'm going to myself later and mine even their mom's gonna be there Madeline's gonna be there Josh is gonna be there is it's gonna be there and it's gonna make some folks there's going to be so many people and so many people hanging out and it's just gonna be amazing okay I'm tired I see you later well good morning and welcome to STS a church online where we are in week two of a series called disconnected and the subject that we're speaking about is communication and what we're looking at is how God made us all uniquely and in that unique wiring that he put inside all of us it affects how we communicate both how we speak and how we hear when others speak and I just got a quick question for everyone right off the bat those who were here last week how many of you show of hands how many people couldn't stop noticing temperaments all around this past week like how many people walked around us at all I bet that I bet that guy's a yellow or no no she's probably a blue how many people said something to the following something like oh you're such a red you know stop being such a red or you sure you should thank god you're lucky that I'm a green I actually had several meetings this past week and and some of the meetings were with people that I'd never been in a meeting with before so I started the meeting by simply asking the question what color is everyone how many blues we got in the room how many yellows how many Reds how many greens and the reason why I did that is because I knowing people's temperaments allows you to communicate more effectively so I wanted to know you know who was the the the different temperaments in the room so I know which ones I might need at the end of the meeting to say hey what did you think about this you didn't speak up what are your thoughts and I wanted to know who I need to keep my my finger next to the mute button okay just case okay they started getting going and that's all based on because once you understand temperaments and the innate wiring inside all of us those natural predispositions as we spoke about last week it really does have an impact on every conversation when you understand it st. Paul says this in Colossians chapter 4 verse 6 he says let your speech always be with grace seasoned with salt that you may know how you ought to answer each one and the part that I want to emphasize there is that each one how you ought to answer each one certain words you know this ok you don't need to be very smart to figure this out certain words have different meanings to different people not everyone hears the same words in the same way that was that and that was kind of our key thought for this series is that even though we may all be using the same words we might not be speaking the same language and you again you know this to be true if I say the following phrase don't do that just those three words don't do that a read may here don't do that and they would here you know what there's probably a better way to do this but a green may hear the same words and say there must be something wrong with me a person must think lowly of me or I might not be good enough same words different meaning if I go to a yellow and a blue person okay and I say there's an event today an event at the end of the work there's an event today a yellow person and a blue person look at that completely different a yellow person woohoo excitement what's the event who's gonna be there what's the agenda a blue person anxiety and how long is it gonna be and who's good and who's gonna be there how about that forget about our word that we hear all the time these days the word social distancing okay social distancing to some people okay is a nightmare okay the word yellows your social distancing and it's a nightmare blues hear it and they feel like woohoo we won the lottery okay social distancing a dream come true because based on our temperaments our temperaments dictate how we hear certain words when people speak and that's why we're going to talk about today our topic is words we need words we need and I to emphasize the word need because usually when we think of needs we don't think of words we think of things like food and water and shelter those are the things that we need and without those things we can't live well I would kind of say the same thing when it comes to emotionally and relationally there's certain words that we need and they are like food they are like oxygen they're exactly what we need and if we don't have them we will not be healthy emotionally and relationally oftentimes if we look at why people act out or why people misbehave or why my spouse doesn't respond the way I think she should or why my dad always treats me this way or why my kids just won't listen oftentimes it comes down to this idea of words that we need and our temperaments dictate the words that we need to hear to feel loved and secure and safe and respected and valued and if we're not getting those words in our own language but oftentimes we feel suffocated and we act out accordingly and I want to make this personal like I want you to make this personal I want you to think of a relationship in your life that you know may be struggling these days you know and now that we're in this quarantine time we've been here if it seems like forever you know I'm sure it's not too hard to point to one or two of them and they may be sitting right next to you right now as we speak I think of a relationship that's struggling where you're struggling to communicate you're not seeing eye-to-eye is a lot of conflict think of maybe a relationship in the past that you know what what what what used to be and what was lost then is no longer round maybe there's there's a marriage out there that's hanging by a thread right now the majority of the time the relationship issues are not really the issues the issues are how we communicate and it's the language that we're speaking I always tell this to married couples now oftentimes the problem is and he doesn't love me or she done love me that's not the problem in fact both love each other and both want the same thing you both want peace in the household you both want to respect each other you both want there to that you value each other and you appreciate that the differences that you all bring the problems you're not communicating it in the same language is exact like one person who says I love you but let's say I say I love you but I'm speaking German and you understand German you understand French so I'm screaming I love you and I love you and you're in the French and you're saying what are you saying what are you saying now you're not hearing me so I scream louder I love you and you're speaking back in French how come you don't tell me that you love me we're screaming back and forth the problem isn't the love the problem is the language and I'm telling you 90% of the time 90% of the conflicts that we experience in our close relationships be it family be of parents be if there are co-workers okay those who we work with closely 90% of the time the solution is a lot simpler than we realize the solution is a lot simpler not easy we'll talk about that in a second there's a lot simpler than we realize and what it really boils down to more than anything else is learning to speak in the language that the other person hears learning about yourself and what your natural tendencies are your natural language is and then learning about those you're trying to communicate and what words they need to hear I'll show you a nice verse here from the book of Sirach chapter 33 verse 6 one of my favorite books in the Bible says prepare your words prepare your words and then you will be listened to draw upon your training and give your answer look what it says prepare your words and then you will be listen to what we're saying there is that we don't just start speaking about what we want to say it's not when it comes to speaking the goal isn't to say what I want to say the goal is to say what you need to hear and the one who's gonna be effective in communication when really I can say the one who's gonna be effective and successful when it comes to relationships is the one who prepares his or her words and learns to speak for the sake of the listener not for his/her own sake themselves so with that said let's jump in what we're gonna talk about today we're gonna go quick review over the four temperaments okay and the colors associated with them and and as I'm reviewing this okay if you did not hear last week's message if you missed last week I'm gonna encourage you to make sure that you watch that you're gonna benefit much more from today if you were here last week and you understand the difference between the temperaments and if you have taken the test and know what your temperament is as well as the temperament of those around you okay but just for a quick review okay let's go over the four real quick we have the sanguine the choleric the melancholic and the phlegmatic and you see that we connected those with colors and if you weren't here last week we talked about the four temperaments came from Hippocrates thousands of years ago the father of medicine and he basically examined people and he observed and he said you know what when it boils down to it people naturally respond in one of four ways and some people okay and he gave them those four names there's a Greek names and those are all based on bodily fluids things inside the human body because that's what they actually thought they thought that that certain people had a certain fluid inside them and that caused them to react a certain way that's why you see all like the word phlegmatic comes with the word phlegm okay all bodily fluids what we know today is that it's not a bodily fluid but it is a temperament that was hardwired into us it's our natural predisposition like some people are left-handed right-handed some people blue eyes some people brown eyes it's something that is inside all of us that we didn't choose and to be honest while we can improve upon our weaknesses we can't really change but what we can do is learn how to work within our strengths and improve upon our weaknesses each of these four languages let's see if we can if we remember all right we'll do a little review you can shout out the answer at home each of these four temperaments speaks a certain language alright one of them see if you shout out the answer at home one of these colors speaks the language of people and fun which one is people and fun those are the yellows yellows whoo-hoo okay that was the yellows these people and fun some one of the languages speaks language of power and control who were those those are the Reds okay who got some people told me Reds got a little bit of a bad reputation last week don't worry I'll clear that up for the Reds so stay tuned Reds I'll defend the honor of the Reds as a fellow red one of the temperaments speaks the language of calm and harmony and those are those are our greens we love our greens and finally we have one who speaks language of perfection and order and those are our blues and they are the ones who are the precision in the details of the four temperaments and I ended last week for those who aren't here I ended with a challenge and the challenge was to fill in the following sentence I based on my temperament I have a tendency to blank or I have a tendency to be blank but I will choose instead to blank or I'll choose to be blank so I have a tendency to blank based on my temperament my car pulls left naturally but I will choose to instead be blank and hopefully everyone's able to practice that throughout this past week now we're gonna take a step further this week and working it a little bit deeper into the temperaments and what we're gonna look at is the innate needs of each temperament what are those words that we need that are like oxygen or like water for each of the different temperaments you see them up here on the screen what we're going to do today is we're gonna go through this list of innate needs we're gonna go color by color temperament by temperament and I'm actually gonna invite some of the members of my family to join me here to give examples of how they define these words and what we're gonna discover is that not every red defines loyalty in the same way not every blue defines support in the same way not every yellow defines approval not every green defines harmony is that even within the temperaments we all have the same needs but we may define those needs and feel those needs being met in different ways and that's actually what st. Paul meant when he said earlier that you might know how you ought to answer each one is that our duty as Christians is to love our neighbors as ourselves our duty is to love one another as Christ loved us well what love requires of us what love requires of us is to get to know the other person and to speak to their need not speaking what I want to say it requires me to understand Who I am my natural tendencies again remember like last week the car that pulls to the left understanding about myself than understanding the person in front of me and what they need to hear in order to feel loved and respected and valued so with that said we're gonna jump in which one are we going to start with we're gonna start with the yellows and why yellow is cuz yellows woohoo yellows are the ones who want the attention well let's give them the attention right off the bat get a whoohoo from all the yellows out there yellows this is your list of needs right here and it boils down to four things approval acceptance attention and affection approval yellows are always asking the question do I fit in here do I belong do they like me yellows want to know that they are accepted for who they are without having to change their personality acceptance second one acceptance is all about feeling including you know I told you last week that we did this study as a staff with our spouses this past summer and one of the discussions the question was posed what would happen how would you feel if you found out that a friend of yours had a party or had a gathering and you weren't invited and the reactions based on the temperaments were interesting the blues okay what would happen if you were and if there was a party you were invited the Blues sense of relief okay one less thing I gotta go to the greens so harmonious gave him the benefit of the doubt there's probably a reason why I wasn't invited the Reds planned a revenge party okay we're gonna plan our own party not invite them and stick it to them and then the yellows the yellow said they'd be sad they'd feel left out not knowing any of the context around it but they if they heard that there was a gathering and they were invited they would feel bad the last two attention and affection attention and affection okay the stickers start with attention doesn't necessarily mean being center stage it doesn't mean being the center of attention yellow some yellows want to be the center of attention but most don't what it means is wanting the attention the full attention or the full focus of the person in front of them they want the person who's listening to them to be engaged versus distracted in their conversation so if you live with a yellow if a yellow is a member of your household and they come home and they have a story to share you need to put down your phone and you need to listen to that story and you need to make eye contact with that person because that's what they need to feel that attention a red may not need that a red may be very happy for you to tell the story while you're cooking while they're cooking dinner and red may see you or say like it's very efficient to do two things at the same time a blue person may not want to share the story when they come home they may have a great story but they may need time to process a green person will be happy to wait ok potentially and a green person would say it's not that big deal and I understand but if you got a yellow you got to make sure that you meet that need for attention now what we're gonna do now as you see right here I've invited a special friend okay this is my daughter Elizabeth who is joining us here and she's gonna speak to us about the yellows now Lizzie wanted to make it very clear that even though she's got some yellow in her her primary color is I'm 60% red okay so she's very proud of her redness okay so we're gonna talk about red should be back for the red but she also is 40% yellow so we thought that she would be able to shed a little bit of light on what it's like to be a yellow so Lizzie of these four needs right here approval acceptance attention and affection which one of those stands out to you the most definitely attention attention so what is it that makes you feel that need being met like when do you feel like you got that attention what when it comes to having that need met sometimes it's just like when my dad says I join to kick around the soccer ball or Michael plays like a board game with me so it's just like nothing big so it's it's focused attention and would you agree with what I said a minute ago about do you like to be like that if in a big party do you want to be the center of attention no and in fact uh for those you don't know Lizzie very well she's kind of shy okay in big gatherings but when you get underneath the shine okay there's a lot of yellow went there but it doesn't come across necessarily in big gatherings now if there was a story one time okay when you were younger that your grandmother asked you question and I think it perfectly displayed what a yellow is and the question was of the three other members of this household this is before our dog okay some of the three other members of the household which one do you like having at home the most trying to remember something along those lines okay which one do you like being at home with with you the most and your answer was what tell the people I said in the morning I like my dad because he wakes me up during the day I like Michael because he plays with me and I know I like my mom because she tucks me so you see her answer okay it was it's all about attention in the morning dad is the one who's in charge of waking me up and this was a long time ago but now we hopefully wake ourselves up so she likes having dad around because dad as one was with me and then Michael during the daytime because he plays it to me Michael's her brother and then her mother at night she's learning tucks her in so I'll ask you one more question what happens as a yellow if you don't get that need man if you feel like you're not getting attention from the people around you well I'm really stubborn so like all annoying Michael if he says no to playing with me and then I'm just like we'll get into a fight or something about it mm-hmm because what you'll see with a yellow okay you can agree with me or not is that conflict okay it is better than ignoring so much so how many times yellows when they don't feel that need being met they will create a conflict because having a conflict is at least some form of attention and it's better than being ignored so if you got a yellow at home okay four yellows probably this quarantine is probably the toughest on them so go ahead and ask them after we're done how they're feeling these days and what you can do to help meet their needs okay thank you so much Lizzie we appreciate it now let's go on to the greens for greens it boils down to harmony feeling of worth lack of stress and respect let's start with harmony for greens the best way that you can help them is creating a peaceful environment they struggle with tension they struggle with conflict they struggle when things are combative and in this house for example we have two reds and two greens those are primarily two of us a Reds and two of us our greens and what we'll notice is very clear is that when it comes to any kind of conflict the greens are quick to say okay I'm sorry I was wrong the greens are quickly they just want there to be peace they want to be resolution whereas the Reds okay so the Reds the Reds tend to know fight for truth okay and the right Reds want you know to make sure that that equality and fairness and things like that where's the greens not so much because the greens are more affected by the conflict than maybe other temperaments greens also have a feeling a need for a feeling of Worth and respect as well and what that comes down to especially in like a work environment if you work with someone who's a green you have a green teammate they're the best teammate that you can ask for because they're all about creating harmony but you need to make sure that even though they're not speaking up all the time that they feel valued and appreciated and that their contribution is necessary to your team last one lack of stress when it comes to stress is not about necessarily a stress from the environment okay because greens are hard workers and greens don't mind working hard but it's more about stress in a interpersonal way and conflict and like I said that people stress that combative nature of sometimes our environments it affects greens more than it would other temperatures we are gonna bring in my son Michael right here welcome Michael thanks for joining us thanks I'm fighting me and and Michael's gonna talk to us about the greens okay because Michael is a green so Michael on this list right here harmony feeling of worth lack of stress and respect which of those needs is the strongest for you definitely lack of stress okay and what does that look like for you just like whenever I get a lot of work or there's just like a lot of problems going on I don't want to do any work I don't want to do any work because like if I get stressed and I just don't want to do anything so when when you have you know I know that you're a hard worker and you've proven that many times but you you tend to be more successful when the work is spaced out as opposed to when it comes all at once right yeah for sure so so we all understand this let's say you were to get a project okay and all of a sudden and it's due tomorrow or there's a lot of stress how are you most likely going to approach that what are you going to do in that situation not to buy anything probably you're gonna procrastinate right okay which seems like the opposite if you have a lot of work you you think you want to get into it but for agreeing that stressful nature of that situation kind of causes them to react in an opposite way okay and I'll tell the story the other green that we have in this household is actually my wife Marianne is a green and I got her permission to tell this story is that Marianne handles all the kitchen duties here for us in the family and she likes to cook and she can cook man can cook all day and all night shouldn't need to thank you should mean appreciation she just needs to not be stressed so how there's some times where I may say oh I can help okay if I'm on is the reason I'm honestly usually helping is because I'm hungry and I want dinner to hurry up so I come and say okay I can help I usually do this and you can do this faster and there's more efficient way to do that and you do this and I'll do this and I just start so as a green okay you can imagine this does not create a peaceful environment right so what Marianne says Marianne is willing again all day all night No thank you no nothing just let me work at my own pace would you agree that that's our short as our green would say they don't mind to do anything they are hard workers but they do not appreciate the stressful environment correct correct great thank you so much Michael we appreciate it let's go to the Reds Reds are all about loyalty sense of control appreciation and credit for work let's start with loyalty loyalty is not about blind obedience it doesn't mean listen to me no matter what it is that I say it's not about submission or anything like that but loyalty is means give me the benefit of the doubt trust me and this is super important if you've got a red in your life Reds need to know that you got their back and that you believe in them and that you trust them even if you don't necessarily understand it and if you let's say you're married to a red and if it's a godly person obviously if it's a godly person okay you give them your trust and nine out of ten times they're not gonna fail you they are not gonna let you down they're going to take that loyalty that you give to them and they're gonna bend over backwards to make sure that you and your needs are met and taken care of sense of control we'll leave that one for a second because I'm going to have my daughter speak about that line okay appreciation and credit for work not in a selfish greedy not like and I need a cookie or someone to clap for me for every time I do something but Red's they they're all about truth and they need to know that if they did hard work it's about acknowledgement okay and and and just recognizing the fact that Reds work hard and they want to get stuff done and just recognizing the effort that they put into it now I skipped number two sense of control for a reason welcome back to my daughter Elizabeth thank you for coming back to us and I like your new shirt that you're wearing this time okay so Lizzy loyalties sense of control appreciation credit for work which one of those stands out to you definitely definitely sense of control definitely sense of control so why is that what does that mean to you well of course I like to be the boss but I don't have to you the boss as long as like there is control around there's just control so what what Lizzy is speaking to is something that is important for you to recognize if you have a red in your life is that Reds don't need to always be in control they like to be in control okay but they don't need to be in control at all times what they need to know is that things are under control and when they feel like it's reds or again their sense of fairness their sense of equality their sense of this is right and this is wrong Lizzy what happens when you feel like things are out of control and unfair and let's say parents are favoring one child over the other what will you do in that situation I will like become stubborn and like not want to say sorry and just kind of like throw a temper tantrum the expression that all we always uses the word dig in and then we're both wearing the black okay but we could both you were in the red right here's the wheat to dig in okay and I we even joke about their prison there was a fight that we had when you were like three years old okay and I remember that it was when you wanted first haircut and there was honestly from age three like she was digging in and I was digging in and each of us is digging and I'm like you know what age three I've lost my daughter for life I'm never gonna speak to her again because she's not gonna apologize and I'm not gonna apologize and thankfully been able to find her way through there so yeah Reds Reds are all about sense of control but it doesn't mean needing to be in charge in fact I would say this if you got a red in your life the difference between being in control and sense of control Reds just need to feel like everyone is doing their job and if Reds feel like everyone is pulling their weight and things are under control and we're following the plan and the plan is working Reds can sit back and they're not worried but it's when things seem like they're out of control that Reds are naturally the first ones to jump in like Reds the further the verse from first Corinthians 14 let all things be done decently in an order that's their favorite verse and when they feel like things are out of order or things are chaotic that's when they jump in when they feel like someone is letting down the team and not carrying their weight this is extremely extremely extremely difficult for a red person to swallow and what I wanted to do is actually got an email this past week from a red because like I said there's a lot of people listen to what I said last week and and they look down at the Reds so we said we're gonna I'm gonna read this email from from one of the red members of our congregation and I'll just read it exactly as it says it's coming across as if Reds are the bad guy the ruiners are fun and calm even our color is a bit devilish I think because we're not yellow-spotted so even our colors a bit devilish I'm interpreting this control as a need for a sense of control this is what this person is saying before the from last week I personally have zero desire for control but I sure do need things to be controlled I can't do chaos and go with the flow if no one is around that will give me that sense that things are under control I will absolutely step up to the plate but that does not make me controlling all cats typical red okay I don't like feeling delusional so I wanted confirmation that that's how you interpreted this control thing which I absolutely agree with and then the last line of the email is classic read the last line okay the last line says this also it isn't our fault that we're always on point on most issues and therefore we're the best smiley face and that's that's exactly how I read things so if you got a read in your life then you can speak to them after this is over and find out what it means to them all right thank you so much Lizzy we appreciate you joining us let's go to the blues blues it comes down to safety sensitivity support space and silence let's start with safety safety doesn't mean just a physical safety while of course that is very important to Blues in particular it's more about an emotional safety blues are the hardest to crack and to get on the inside and it's hardest for them to trust and to open up and if you haven't blue in your life that does open up to you and does trust you you have a great responsibility because it's not easy for them to do so and if they open up to you and they feel like all of a sudden that they can't trust you or you've left them down then man oh man are they gonna shut down and and cause there's a lot of pain that could be caused there because their second need as you see right there there's their sensitivity and that sensitivity is like a two-edged sword again like I said last week blues they are the most compassionate they're the sweetest people on the planet and they're the most considerate blues are detailed people so they notice things they notice hurt they notice that people are upset they notice things and this is a great thing but because they are so considerate and they notice details they also notice when you don't respond in the same way and when you may not be as considerate back at them that's why okay one of the combinations that's that's dangerous is the red-blue combination it's a dangerous combination because glues tend to speak quickly and Blues tend to speak off the cuff and Blues tend to to process thing I'm sorry Red's red speak quickly and red speak off the cuff and Red's kind of processed things out loud but for a blue the words that are coming out might be hurtful and they may not be able to brush them off as quickly as the red would be able to do that's why often times this red glue combination the Reds are seen as rude or insensitive or not caring and the Blues end up with a lot of hurt support blues often feel unheard no one sees me no one hears my voice that's why if you work with a blue there are urine meetings with blues it's always good to ask them particularly at the end hey anything that you wanted to add to the discussion I noticed that you had a quiz ative look on your face anything that you want to say because blues won't always be the ones see for reds Reds don't have a problem feeling heard if Reds don't feel heard they speak up they raise their hand they interrupt excuse me excuse me excuse me okay and they speak up yellows have no problem either they'll be heard by their by just the quantity okay then just keep on talking until you you have to take a breath at some point in time so that's when the yellows will get their word in edgewise greens they're laid back there okay they'll wait for a better time but the blues okay the blues are the ones that you have to make sure that you go out of your way to make sure that they feel heard space and silence is the last one the worst thing that you can do for a blue is put them on the spot the worst thing that you can do is tell the blue okay we're gonna do this and you go first blues need time to process time to think about things before they're ready to share alright so we welcome back to the stage here my son Michael who also seems to have a new shirt okay so thank you so much for joining us Michael Michael safety sensitivity support in silence for you this one's a no-brainer which one stands out space and silence for sure so what what does that look like for you like after a long event I need my space and silence to recover because I'm it's tiring even if I had fun at the event I need my space and and so this is one where Michael and I both share this okay I got a little bit of I'm red but I lean towards a little bit of blue as well is that both of us like on a Sunday afternoon is that we get to church early and we're there and people who see me you know and I'm socializing I'm speaking and I'm hanging out I'm full of on top of the world and then both of us when it comes home okay we need our space in silence and that's how we recoup and one of the differences between us is blues versus my daughter who has the yellow is let's say we're out as a family together and you know we went to a visit or we did an event or whatever it may be both of them might ask the same question in slightly different ways so my daughter might say what are we doing next and no matter what if we did 15 events back-to-back her questions as soon as we getting the cars what are we doing next where are we going next and Michael you might ask that question slightly differently how might you ask that question I would say we're not gonna do anything next right so it's the same question but Michael always wants to make sure that you know what we're done the activities for the day so I can get to my happy place which is rest and relaxing so thank you so much Michael for joining us you and Lizzie did a great job of reminding us of our key thought for this series which is this even though we're using the same words we might not be speaking the same language even though we're using the same words we might not be speaking the same language I hope by now you've been able to see how different colors need different words and that's again based on how God created us all differently in the link in the in the comments to this video below there's a PDF and that PDF is a is a document put together by the author Kathleen Edelman of the book I said this you heard that and it's titled words that build up and I would encourage you to take a look at that PDF download and maybe hang it up on your fridge and it basically gives us some reminders of if you have a blue in your house these are words that blues need to hear or greens or yellows or reds and it reminds us of ways that we can speak to them as each one needs to hear and I would encourage you to practice those words and I'll just give you kind of a warning up front is that anytime you learn a new language it's kind of clunky at the beginning but the more you practice and the more that you try it out the more it can become second nature to you so think about your first day of Spanish class when you were in high school your first day of French class or wherever it may be it's difficult I'm never gonna learn this but if you stick with it and you keep on practicing it you can become fluent it'll never be your first language your first language is your language that's your temperament that doesn't mean you can't become proficient in speaking read or in speaking yellow or understanding the blues or in communicating with the greens like everything else it gets easier with practice and what I'll say to you is that you know what if you have relationships in your life and you're trying to figure out what's going on in this relationship how did we get to this point where did we go wrong then maybe these languages maybe they're the answer you know I hear sometimes some things that that a break break my heart I hear horrible stories of things that people say to each other not realizing the impact that it might have things that parents say to kids or kids say to parents or spouse to spouse or friend to friend or brother or sister and people say things have no idea on the impact and here's the thing let's say let's agree on this okay as children of God ignorance is not an acceptable excuse it's not enough to say well I didn't know that he would interpret it this way I didn't know that that would hurt her that much that is not acceptable I've seen things from teachers or coaches and we all have again in the in the effort of I'm gonna motivate them and I'm gonna push them but in the end you end up destroying them and cutting them to the heart I've seen wives tell their husbands how dumb they are and repeat it over and over and how they don't think they can accomplish anything and I say we're just joking or they say I'm just trying to help them be better now you're killing him you're killing him I've seen parents unable unable to have more than a two-minute conversation with the child without picking up the phone or checking the social media and you don't realize what you're communicating by that action you're communicating you don't matter to me and what I'm saying is Church ignorance is not an excuse we got to be better than that and we can't say that it's not that we didn't know it is our duty to know because if it is our duty to love you cannot love someone that you do not know if I truly want to love you I will take the time to get to know you so that I can speak to you and communicate to you in your language it is not an option Asians chapter 4 verse 29 we looked at this verse last week let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth but what is good for necessary edification that it may impart grace to the ears you know when we were younger we were taught a lie and it's a lie that's so commonplace that I'll just start the sentence and you can finish it for me sticks and stones we were taught that sticks and stones may break our bones but words will never hurt us well the truth of the matter is that isn't true words can hurt us words can cause extreme damage to relationships and that is because we are all wired so differently because we are made uniquely the same words that may motivate you may crush another the same words that may encourage you may destroy another person and if we are going to be successful when it comes to relationships if we are going to love our neighbor as ourselves we are going to be the body of Christ in this world then it is our duty to learn how to speak the right words to the right people it's our duty to learn how to speak languages other than our own so we can communicate with people whose native language isn't like ours and you know what I want you to think of some of the relationships some of the the tense relationships or some of the conflict in your life at home at work whatever it may be and who knows maybe learning that language maybe this key to the solution maybe the problem with that brother who moved away and we haven't spoken maybe learning the right language can solve that maybe that heated dispute at work which we just can't seem to resolve maybe that conflict at home which just seems like we're at a stalemate and everyone's kind of digging in maybe learning the right language is the key to moving towards a solution and breaking the stalemate because our goal is not just to talk it's not just to say words but it's to communicate effectively and I want you to remember this every word you use is a word you choose every time you speak you have a choice every time you open your mouth that you can choose words that build up a words that destroy you can choose to take the time to get to know someone to understand their temperament understand their needs and understand how they feel loved or you can say I'm gonna speak what I want to speak and it's up to them to understand me in the way that I meant to be understood my prayer is that we can all take these concepts and the same way I had my children up here and we had this discussion in front of you I pray that you would take the same concepts and you would have the same discussion with your loved ones but after we finish up right here that if you're in families sitting around or if you're a group that's gonna gather together on zoom' or maybe on someone's deck later today or whatever it may be I pray that you'd have the same discussion and say hey you're yellow how do you feel loved you're a blue tell me what these words mean to you I'm a red and you're a red but maybe we define these words differently I pray that we can invest in our relationships and get to know the people around us and what makes them feel loved because that is what Christ want us to do let's bow our heads for a prayer the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit one God amen Heavenly Father we thank you that you communicate to us in the language that we can understand and you took flesh so that we could understand you and we could know you and you took enough the initiative to get to know us Lord in our state and I pray that we would have that same mindset that we would not be like stuck here and say that I'm gonna speak what I'm gonna speak and they better understand it but that you would help us in our relationships Lord to bridge the gaps and to understand one another and to speak in a way Lord that brings reconciliation and peace into the many relationships Lord that need it so desperately these days we pray these things in the name of your son with the intercessions and the prayers of all your saints here says we pray thankfully our Father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the evil one in Christ Jesus our Lord for thine is the kingdom the power and the glory

Channel: STSA Church

Views: 5,205

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Id: toscsE31j5c

Length: 42min 23sec (2543 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 07 2020