Die Hard with a Vengeance Review

hello worldwide web I'm D Shadow the internet personality with the best hair and gamon 3 is so close that I really should avoid spending any more money on new movies before that is taken care of so it's a damn good thing that die hard was in a box set and watching each film in chronological order it's time for Die Hard 3 Die Hard with a Vengeance which marks the first time we see John mlan of the NYPD actually set foot in New York during one of these movies interestingly enough though this movie wasn't actually supposed to be a diard movie The Script was Simon Says a completely unrelated film and for the first hour or so of the movie It's the exact same as what we see spare one or two more details such as the fact that of course they had to change the protagonist to Bruce Willis as John mlan and Samuel Jackson's character was originally supposed to be a woman which might explain the changes in the second half of the film I think it would be a little out of character of John mlan realized that after fighting with him for all this time in fact truly he loved Zeus all along now someone to started writing that fanfic let's take a look at Die Hard with a Vengeance and see if they can post it before this review finishes we open to New York it's so New York and New York New York it's the new yorkest New York in Olive oh [ __ ] it's so New York even the explosions are rude the aftermath we go to is the oddly Swift police respon introducing inspector Walter Cobb played by Larry Brigman briggerman Brigman played by Larry the investigation is luckily one of those extra easy ones as a perpetrator calls him up first thing said Simple Simon to the pman going to the fair give me your pies probably because he's crazy the man on the phone explains that he has more bombs to play with and will do so unless they dig up officer mlan and have him follow the caller's instruction exactly call me Simon what do you want I want to play a game what kind of game Simon says whatever we play it's going to have to be the title of this movie so no Dungeons and Dragons I'm afraid that's trademarked and cops and robbers would be far too generic a title for an action movie point is we reintroduced Bruce Willis as John mlan whom evidently got transferred back to the NYPD between movies became an alcoholic got suspended and separated from his wife which sounds like one hell of a series of events why aren't we watching the movie that showed how the hell that happened why do that when we can talk about obviously will be important later bits of info still betting your badge Rick yeah 6991 every week n it would be a shame if something bad would happen to you and the only clue we have is linked to the fact that conveniently everyone in the audience now knows your badge number nevertheless they reach their destination where Jon must go off alone at the Hest of Simon then they pull an illegal U-turn right before mlan start jaywalking on the bright side I think they drove down the right side of the street to get there so let's introduce our second half of this film a random electrician played by Samuel Jackson who we see reciting a quiz to the local kids so who's going to help we're going to help ourselves and who do we not want to help us white people that's right jeez movie could you get a little more racist wow noticing this right away Jackson moves in to try and figure out what's going on and prevent a situation that will obviously lead to this man's death John barely has time to explain he's a police officer before the local population takes note of his oh so colorful sign what the [ __ ] lots of things I could say hear humorous in one way or another but I really don't feel like waking up tomorrow with less than 20 subscribers obviously this situation escalates immediately more so though when they knock Jon down and Jackson sees the gun deciding to diffuse the situation by holding everyone up and initiating a car jacket just run all the lights drive you got it bus isn't that how you normally get around the city anyway right now chill chill out what the [ __ ] are you trying to relate to me talk like a white man okay Zeus I'm sorry you got why you keep calling me Jesus I look Puerto Rican to you he's going to get a little more racist I didn't say anything Jackson explains his character's name is Zeus so still a deity but whatav point is they head back down to the Police Plaza where the overpaid shrink tells everybody the shocking Revelation about Simon he's a crazy [ __ ] named Simon more interestingly the bomb Guru Charles Vice played by Kevin Chamberlain explains that the bombs being planted all over New York are a special kind that are completely harmless while the chemicals are separated but once mixed they have an uncontrollable urge to rearrange office furniture with that out of the way the psycho calls back to toy with mlan some more but he also seems interested in keeping Zeus involved with this game of his you interfered with a well lit plan yeah well you can stick your well laid plan up your well laid ass and so he did the [Music] end ah too easy so he calls back 10 seconds later to tell them the next plot relevant scene is at the subway station doesn't mean mlan can't grill him a bit though what' you do shoplifting purse snatching crossdressing why [ __ ] that's illegal the course goes nowhere but on the plus side mlan is reinstated just like that and Zeus gets to go with him I'm not jumping through hoops for some psycho that's a white man with white problems you deal with it is it just me or his racial tension kind of a thing in this movie I I I'm not sure but there seem to be a few subtle hints here in there on that note Zeus says he only saved mlan to prevent a white death in Harlem from sparking a much harsher backlash from the white police force but John convinces the man to continue helping the police by telling him that the bomb that would have went off had mlan not complied was set in a park and in Harlem instead of chinat toown where it actually was this guy doesn't care about skin color even if you do okay guys did you hear that skin color is not important I'm white he's black but it doesn't matter it's not important we'll remind you all again in about 10 minutes but when Ebony and Ivory work together in Perfect Harmony get off the damn phone lady Police business I love her I can get used to this you had better stay the [ __ ] out of their way if you're wanting plot progression at this point well too bad instead we get a riddle as I was going to some Dives I met a man with seven wives every wife had seven sacks every sack has seven cats every cat has seven kittens kittens cats sacks and wives how many were going to suiv you can pause the video and try and figure this one out on your own I'll wait okay that's long enough the guy his wies aren going anywhere what are they doing sitting in the [ __ ] row waiting on the moon how the hell should I know who going to St IES in the guy just the guy if you want to be technical the riddle never said that the man and his wife weren't going so really don't know yeah piece of cake give us something harder next time but you're 10 seconds late you gave them 30 seconds and it took them over a minute I can see why you went with the trick question math really isn't your strong suit fortunately for them he didn't say Simon says so this whole thing was a song and dance and completely pointless the real challenge for them is to travel 90 blocks in under 30 minutes or else Simon will blow up the number three Subway drain 90 blocks in 30 minutes that's easy haveen any ever played Grand Theft Auto requisitioning you beening what the [ __ ] you doing my [ __ ] are you doing get out of here are you aiming for these people no maybe that mine apparently yes before reaching their destination however mlan has the idea to split up so he can hop on the train liter literally and Jackson can reach the pay phone on his own mostly anyway what you don't like white people 112 Wall Street you got [Music] it you're supposed to hand him me a wallet and tell him he's a great driver tips for nearly running into hring traffic while mclan locates the bomb on the train Zeus has slightly more difficulty trying to answer the pay phone I have to answer that bom just shut up and get them in the air well they already are so perhaps keep would have been more apt but there will be no exploitation of aut made collect calls on my watch in any case Zeus does get his phone call but because mlan isn't right there with him that's not good enough for Simon trust me guys du and but you don't have to cover it's not like it's a nuclear explosion or anything at least mlan manages to get the bomb several feet away before it goes off which somehow means that the Damage Done is mostly structural taking out the subway tunnel and Street above but not mlan whose magnificent form is impervious to concussive forces unfortunately though he's not exempt from dealing with a necessary interrogations which brings us to the FBI involvement in this case did you recognize the voice on the phone sure it was Jeremy Irons voice of Scar and The Lion King he kind of stands out yeah yeah I I saw the movie though in this instance John has no idea so the FBI explains the plot connection to the previous film turns out this man is Simon Gruber brother of Hans Gruber who has targeted mlan due to the fact that Jon killed Simon's brother in the first movie and the connection to the second film good question almost comes off like the studio is embarrassed over it as the FBI aren't helping progress the plot Simon calls up to take over it just so happens that he planted a [ __ ] ton of exploding goo in a random school so they better run off and find it oh but don't use those pesky radios to communicate or it'll go off and don't evacuate and mlan and Zeus have to complete all future tasks on foot and Simon Says make him a double decco patty melt with extra onions lightly toasted or well maybe not that last part but the rest still stance I just really want a patty melt responding to his word and request without question the police move out to save the children of the city however wouldn't you know it this happens to be the point in the diard movie where we see the big bad guys rolling in on M hiding in plain sight and setting up one hell of an operation Heavens to Betsy if anyone knew along with the classic Die Hard characteristic of not taking itself too [Music] seriously and Star Trek technology because [ __ ] it thus while the police are out chasing the bomb in the schoolyard Simon leads his merry band of terrorists into the Vault of the the Federal Reserve stealing tons of gold out from under their noses Fort Knox H it's for tourists scar Federal Reserve offers free tours of the Vault 14 times a week never mind all this massively important twisting of the plot though let's go back to mlan and Zeus following the insignificant breadcrumbs what is four legs and is always ready to travel a camel with a hump full of Red Bull what's the matter with you don't you have kids does Terra count oh l because trunk funny they find their next bomb along with another random puzzle they must put exactly 4 gallons of water on the scale but only using a three gallon jug and a 5 gallon jug the [ __ ] is going on did jigsaw take over Sesame Street give me [ __ ] jug start over start over we can't start over can't start over put my foot up your ass you dumb [ __ ] say it say it you were going to call me a [ __ ] weren't you no I wasn't yes you were why were you going to call me [ __ ] I'll tell you what your problem is you don't like me cuz you're a racist what you're a racist you don't like me cuz I'm white did you get that racism is bad very bad and you can be racist against white people which is also bad yes yes you can yes it is what that out of the way they quickly solved the puzzles of the water dungeon and Reed their next arbitrary task to make it to Yankee Stadium and find a note when you undertake the trip it suggests ask yourself this question question what is 21 out of 42 well clearly the answer is [ __ ] it this mov is going to tell us eventually however while on the way to the stadium and trying to figure out this problem mlan learns that some kid already knows the plot of this movie it's Christmas you could steal City Hall thus at this moment McLean decided to make a quick stop off at the Apple Store well that's too damn far so he just steals the kid's bike Instead This bit of information lets John figure out that Simon probably wants the money on Wall Street and diverted the cops to schools as a means to prevent them from interrupting his Heist therefore he heads back to get to the bottom of this which evidently must lie in the Federal Reserve Vault on his way down with the very helpful guards mlan notices something oh no that's not his cop friend with that specific badge number that we conveniently established at the beginning of this movie therefore gunfight noticing then that obviously the man has already got away with the gold he and Zeus used the remaining gold to get a new car still more cost effective than solar freaking roadways damn good resale value too as they traded up for a Mercedes that guy was pissed he feel better when he looks in the back seat [ __ ] that was my go bar welcome to the world of Cooperative multiplayer they eventually catch up to a dump truck sure to be loaded with gold but instead they just hold up John Everyman no bother McCain goes with him to the new place there sure the bad guys went while Zeus continues on onward to Yankee Stadium God damn it it could be worse this part is phase three of Tunnel 3 planning for it began back in 1954 you could be stuck in a small truck with a construction worker incarnation of TV trash routy SE Moore before long though they run into a second truck and really lucky out that it did turn out to be bad guys I'm imagining that Jerry doesn't feel too safe around mlan anymore I'm good thing they separate here is McAn goes to find the bad guys and Jerry gets to Solve the Riddle tell him to find out who the 21st president was arur 1881 to 1885 nominated vice president 1880 did you know he was collector of Customs right here in New York you might want to cut it short before mlan remembers he has plenty of bullets left in that gun nevertheless Zeus locates the special note waiting at the stadium ah so Simon meant to kill them really makes me wonder why even bothered with the 21 out of 42 riddle if in order for his plan to even work they had to not be able to find the bomb in the school in time and be able to get back to Wall Street and find him in his Heist I mean what what was his plan was that his plan why on top of that he has something against killing them one at a time allowing Zeus to get out unharmed unfortunately after mlan is arbitrarily inconvenienced and manages to barely survive escaping the oncoming Rush of water somebody was following you I'm telling you he's backing us around does this mean that if had just drowned in the tunnel they would have just let Zeus go home and have a Salsbury steak doing about as well as them the police find the bomb at the Chester A Arthur Elementary School which means they can go through the motions of trying to disarm the thing quick question though um if the chemicals are inert until they mix couldn't they just cut the tubes and walk away did they ever establish a reason why they couldn't do this come on movie work with me here and gives him something to do while JN and Zeus track down the the trucks to the river quick thinking and convenient Hollywood physics allow them to use a truck's wench to lower themselves safely onto the [Applause] boat I'm safer than visiting Chicago in any case as he's here for Action mlan shows Zeus all the ins and outs of wielding an SMG this yank back on that and pull a trigger that's it that's it that's it just ignore all the knobs and dials I pretty much never use them as we can probably expect Zeus finds Simon licky split but there's a problem going take safy catch if mlan had given Zeus an unloaded gun like he did Hans at least the man would have had a chance to [ __ ] run not that things are going great on John's end as he does battle in the ship's cargo bay and back at the school Panic is high as the bomb is set to blow in [ __ ] immediately pancake syrup remind me never to go to a New York IHOP yeah it turns out the bomb is not in the school but on the boat and now JN and Zeus are on it Simon announces to the world his intention to end the West's strangle hold on the world economy by proactively redistributing the wealth to various marine life this is all well and good but mlan has a final request got any aspirins I've had a bad [ __ ] headache all day long must be a lucky day ah sure might seem nice now but the jok's on him that was Tylenol after he leaves John explains the next plot twist to Zeus that they aren't going to blow up the gold but in fact scrap metal grber was pulling a grber all along so he pulls a spare piece of shrapnel out of his arm allowing Zeus to pick the cuffs and the two of them to escape before it goes off which based on how close they were should have still still killed them after the Smoke Clears it looks like Simon managed to slip away with the gold and no hint as to where he has gone to obviously they can't just watch for any ridiculously massive shipments of heavy minerals that would be too easy what they can do is realize that the Tylenol bottle mlan received was from a specific truck stop and said truck stop is obviously exactly where the big bad guys would go for their evil Victory party hey [ __ ] did I come in a bad time here didn't mean to climax that fast obviously this results in panic amongst the bad guys who gear up for war but that's not important so instead we focus on mlan and Zeus flying against Simon whom is also flying what the [ __ ] oh [ __ ] it's not quite as exciting as a midair duel in Dragon Ball Z but it gets the job done funny thing though they didn't prepare for getting shot at so mlan only has a pocket revolver to shoot back with this is less than effective and doesn't even work to deter Simon causing the police Chopper to take enough damage damage that it is forced to land [ __ ] belt stuck I can't get it off the Insidious safety belt strikes again leaving it solely to mlan to take Simon down with only two bullets left reference unnecessary on top of it as he only has to hit one target that manages to seriously [ __ ] up Simon's ride thoroughly ruining his day you be [ __ ] did anyone else notice the bandage on his forehead keeps changing is it going to turn into a SpongeBob or Hello Kitty bandaid for the credits all nah but we do see Zeus managed to undo the seat belt off screen and the story comes to a close with the terrorist Army something happened to them off screen and mlan probably reunites with his wife off screen I think which is effectively the same as walking out of the theater 5 minutes before the movie closes and saying yeah they got out okay well that was Die Hard with a Vengeance and certainly a hell of a lot better than the second interesting as Die Hard 2 was written to to be so much a follow-up to Die Hard it almost comically followed suit with how the first movie was done while this one was actually a completely different movie until the studio decided to turn it into Die Hard 3 of course this film was directed by John mcternan whom did the original die hard and Predator so there's your connection to the alien and or Predator franchise I like to point out wherever possible back on the topic of Die Hard with avengeance it works as a Die Hard movie because mlan has been demoted from Super cop back down to normal ass flawed human being so much so they almost broke the character but Bruce Willis managed to pull it out and make him someone we can sympathize with Zeus certainly is memorable on top of it as Samuel L Jackson spent time getting into character by studying Malcolm X and fortunately while racial tension is a pretty big part of the conflict early on it's actually allowed to progress naturally dropping off as a non-issue by the end of the movie overall for the plot and story though what can I say the progression was interesting and while some nursery rhymes were pointless they were still entertaining The Twist near the end though did get a bit ridiculous bombing the school oh wait there's actually a heist and that's me really a lie to distract you oh no wait there is a bomb in the school oh no it's it's a fake bomb no no wait there is a bomb but it's on the boat going to blow up the gold no not wait we actually just keep it it's a constant back and forth that's really hard for any movie to pull off right and while Die Hard with avengeance still does a damn good job with it I can't say it comes through completely unscathed ranking four fun enhancing explosions out of five I'm surprised after a movie this good that did as well as it did at the Fox office it took Fox so long before they decided to keep milking the sequel machine some more but that's a review for another day thank you all for watching I've been deer Shadow and remember racism is bad really bad don't know if you know this yet but we're going to repeat it another 87 times or so so you get [Music] [Applause] [Music] it [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] Ze as a father of Apollo Mount Olympus don't [ __ ] with me or I'll sh lightning broke up your ass Zeus

Channel: Decker Shado

Views: 84,594

Keywords: decker shado, die, hard, with, vengeance, a vengeance, die hard 3, Review (Media Genre), movie review, action, cop, police, mystery, review

Id: 8QWkdMR7gf0

Length: 23min 0sec (1380 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 18 2015