DECEIVED: Lies Women Believe in Pursuit of Love 2-23-18 RELATIONSHIP WEBINAR

her selfies I put the time in and I'm not getting the results for what I put in so look the fact is yeah you maybe put the time in but the truth of the matter is listen honey run right right and I think that's very true because what happens when you're walking in that much deception you begin to create this false reality and you are like the only one who's believable and anybody that comes against it you're like you're crazy you don't understand so that can be a very scary place so how about for you pastor Kim what is the number one thing you've seen women be deceived by and how can they guard against it well I think that we can think Hollywood for a lot of the deception because we all want to where it was the damsel in distress or that woman and that man came into the picture and he just filled all the broken voids in her life and it was this and it was that was awesome and you know we think that I can get a man to love me that I would become complete Oh first the deception is that women need a man when in fact according to the order of Scripture it was Adam who was in need of a woman yeah the creation of God spoken it is not good that man should be alone we are out there trying to hunt and we really are the one being hunted I'm gonna say this that when God created Adam he created Adam because he wanted to but when he created easy credit Eve yeah he had to because man we bring forth life we are you know if a woman can ever find that place we are in this world now where the deception of we can't be a good submitted wife and have a be a CEO or FCO really boss girl we got a man for 17 years I totally dude and I woke up one day didn't have power we can't be ya hear him and still be a powerful person you can you have to be all that and the greatest thing about a woman is man seemed like a man with a paper good you better call the emergency yeah straight that we can get babies and then go back to work in two or three weeks you know we can go light and so I think the deception with the world is is that it's gotta be like a pretty warm man or a dryer situation you know we're just gonna be oh man we can still be that man's good thing yeah and powerful and it's either one way or the other there's never no happy medium or we're just all that and a bag of chips no it's good and I even it's listening to you what I thought is like you know it embrace your femininity you know what I'm saying I think in the world it's really been attacked our femininity and who we are and we are we're looking for you know the world to define that when the world isn't the one who created us God did so if we go back to the Word of God and embrace who we are and begin to you know place it in our lives and walk out of it then yes we can be that super woman but at the same time be vulnerable and be kind and be able to flow out of that so that is powerful that was great very great yes how about you pause okay so with my experience is one of the greatest level of deception that I've come across is where women believe that marriage is going to make them happy and bring fulfillment into their lives when they're dissatisfied or when they're lonely and what I try to get people to understand is that marriage cannot fix any one's problems no matter how successful you want your marriage to be your marriage will never be better than you and so I try to explain that often when people think that that mayor and let me backtrack and say this you know you have to feed the funk the the nature before the function and so you have to feed the nature of a person people is what you bring yourself into a marriage Mary does doesn't fix you the state of your marriage is never going to be better than the state of the people who are joining together and so one of the things I often tell people is you have to pursue your singleness just like Kim was talking about with Adam Adam was a single man he was about his work he had everything together and then at the time where he was fully single and ready God looked at him and said that he need that in so many words that he was it was not good for him it's not good for this man to be alone and you know I explained to people that you know you are unfit for marriage if you go into marriage thinking that is gonna fix a problem or a void in your life you're lonely or you're dissatisfied or you have low self-esteem you're going to be bringing all that into the marriage and you as a person will make the marriage what it is the marriage won't make you do what you already are well I think people need to go through greater levels of preparation before they get in marriage because when a person goes into a marriage like that it actually causes a lot of a lot more heartache a lot more pain and as a matter of fact 1st Corinthians chapter 7 Paul talks about how marriage brings many troubles so now you're going into institution where you think is going to make you happy and bring fulfillment and you got all these daydreams about walking on the sand and all this nonsense that marriage is not even all about I mean you have those moments but it's warfare you got two people who are completely different completely different ways of thinking ways of living two different experiences two different histories different households that you come from all kind of issues trauma and all kind of things and you bring them together with someone who thinks that this is going to make them happy and as a matter of fact it's actually going to bring more conflict and more problems and if you're not prepared for that warfare then you can close you know yourself to be a more misery then than you've ever been and and I I recently had someone come to me and say hey how can I fix my marriage I want to fix my marriage that's how you can't fix a marriage the marriage doesn't have a power to fix anything that's happening in your world you gotta fix you fix your own because you are the person that makes up this marriage and you can't fix him so the power to do is fix you and change you and change the things that are going on within you and when you change you then the marriage will be what it is and so the biggest thing that that I have that I've noticed is that women who feel like that there's a void or you know they feel like this just idea and sometimes it's more about the ideal marriage that it is even you know the work that it you know they're not really looking at the work that it takes to make a marriage what it is but they just looking at I love it and I think him here right on the nail Hollywood has done this and and his knee and and all these imaginary family you know illusions and and stories and stuff that in you know so wonderful and and it just it's just not reality it's just not reality and so I think that God has prioritized singleness first you remember even they came to Jesus asking him about divorce he took them backwards and say hey in the beginning I created them male and female and so God began to separate the two and address that I created them male and female there this is a single person this is single person from man K male and female and so the issue is that there's just not enough single people getting married yeah and I think even when people are married they still need to pursue singleness because then there's codependency and all this dysfunction that happens they're not for him to solve your issues that you're gonna you're gonna you know you know one of the things that people have to realize is marriage will expose all of that yeah it doesn't it doesn't yeah if it's a microscope on you as a person and so you still within the marriage still have to pursue singleness yeah that's so good that's so good and I think like even for me personally you know you know one of the things that I have seen and it even kind of piggybacks on what apostle kay was talking about is just kind of and and has to come in think about you know love being able to answer everything answer every problem answer every issue to where what I've learned is that you know what love is literally a choice and I heard that before you know what I'm saying but when you are living in a relationship and in a marriage and you're having to choose love versus you know just feeling it I believe that you know whenever I talked to to two young women or even like a young married couple and encouraging them is that something that I tell them is that hey it's not a fairy tale I was just actually had lunch with someone who's about to get married and I was telling her you know the reality of what it takes and it wasn't to scare her but it also helps her to see that hey love I don't want to say it's not enough but you're gonna need more than that and that goes into it about so Kay said about pursuing your singleness so if you're intentional with that and you begin to you know walk in your own identity and you know who you are you have passions you have hobbies you have desires that helps you to stay out of that place of making your husband you're a future husband your God okay and all those different things so this is power-packed information ladies anybody else want to add anything you know I think we know a lot of women think they are more prepared for marriage than they really are you know I mean just because of what society is saying and I'm a certain age in my biological clock is ticking and you know so let me just take that wait whatever next Joe he look at my way he must want to get married let's give Mary whatever you know and a lot of times when I listen to these women talking not just be like yourself is man you can do this just the sacrifices that it takes for women told somebody other day if someone called me to go minister I have to braid foreheads I have to cook meals and prepare and separate I have to lay our clothes as they being socks right here didn't go with this outfit I put the date but if he goes some week he just didn't you know if you get on a plane and he go it doesn't work and we have to know how to beat all of those things and you know and some things that we can work on in our singleness and it is okay and I think you know saying we have to pump the brakes I saw somebody put a comment on the post and Facebook was like you know I'm so sick of everybody talking about you know women coming over here talking about this is a 12 steps to get marriage you don't know what this is about this is not what we're talking about we're saying they're up things that you need to do to work on you before you get in marriage and we're telling you the pitfalls that we see so I must be for me that I succumb to because there were some things I just it was the only job training but you know there's some things I don't want people to go through some of those things and so on say hey like application oh you're role enjoy your singleness learn some things about you get that credit together get that attitude together can't you share you know that's a whole lot of things because what people say now is sugar you don't want to get married because I promise you it's gonna be more like 80/20 from see I feel that cool he said he could overcook cut his head up like an old I wanna hear from the kids don't wanna see you kid I'm sick nose running I'm cooking the whole course me that's not to say sorry that I'm just saying usually more times women give more you know I'm saying then they get in some regards in marriage then what you feel like you get back you don't say so you can't have a heart if I do this you better do this thing or everything I do in this house you better do something good information it it's reality we are all married women so we know what's yours benefit the women have single women have benefits there are benefits we're not kind of marriage in it I honor it and I write mode it but we're saying that there are benefits to being single and some people are more unhappy when they get married because they wouldn't prepare yes well why you can and do all you can and work on yourself and and and reap those benefits yes yes and there's benefits tip to each season single and being married alright guys so this was great great great I see everybody is interacting in the chat room they are saying that you guys are telling the truth you better tell it see on this is time for preparation it's so true I love it thank you guys for the interaction alright okay so so now I want to go into us sharing our own personal experience so pastor Bonita what is your own personal experience with deception and how did you overcome and learn to guard against it when it was something that I hit on earlier in the sense of at this time I was already in ministry right a full-fledged ministry I mean college ministry on time I was running there something like full fledge ministry you know every week lights camera action praise team all of that I ended up getting pregnant by the drummer of the ministry that I was over and you know it was one of those things am I going to hurry up and get married and cover this thing up and you know and people say hey y'all need to get married no one would ever know you just do it real quick you know his dad was a well-known pastor so it was like one of the things I thought shoot you know I come from a family like oh you don't do this then you didn't shame don't like it's like you cut off you know from from our family and the truth of the matter is I almost believe the lies from people you know people say oh you have ruined your life you did ministry oh you would never do Minister again no one would ever call you you feel like this you feel like this publicly yeah you feel like this you think anybody else gonna call you and and all of those pressures I've started to close in on me and I see my life must be over so you know what I'm going to cover this thing up so what we're gonna do is we're gonna go and have a real quick way and bam we marry that we're not gonna be any warning because I had let people talk me into saying this is something that you need to do if you want to right this wrong because you know where I'm from you know it's called your children bastards you know saying you don't want to be out here with this baby and maybe is uncovered you know and this was something that I was told my whole life in my family and so literally you know my grandparents was like hey what you're gonna do because of y'all a mayor don't you ever call I'm Dave a diaper of milk and this is nothing against them because you know we're good but but I almost walk down the aisle with somebody because I had believed the lies I knew we wasn't good for each other and I'm not gonna hear the bestest because he's good I mean we see just me and my husband we do when I see you know I mean we're good ever we were not good for each other and it was so bad because I was I was I was feeding into the lies so bad to God had to make it so bad for me until I had no other choice but yeah I mean this is the brother I had been with for years this is a brother that almost I mean we almost got into fistfights I'm at and bless the burgers mouth open it stitch I will type some dumb stuff right trying to force something that shouldn't be because when you do that you're angry with each other because you cannot satisfy the need that I have and you're not doing the things that I expect you to do so now I'm frustrated with you I'm frustrated with you but I'm frustrated with the choice of the deception of saying this is something this is something I have to do to cover it up and I'm tell you a lot of times people being frustrated in marriages they're frustrated in relationships because you mad because that's sister that brother is not who he's not dating down the street you didn't put your man together he was like this he look like this he was a song it's third guy I dated you know I'm saying it we didn't put all of these things together and we say well maybe I just you know I'm just on gone I'm just not going to get married because it's the right thing to do but is it the right thing to do when it's with the wrong person and so I had to say am I gonna let my you know what people thought about me my what's the word I'm looking for you know just what people thought of me or am I gonna go on with this marriage and I at the knife our remap I'm already spoiled people already know I'm didn't marry so at the 9th hour I had to say you know and and I tell people not if you can't get past the whispers if you can get past the gossip about you and if you can get past the slander listen you idiot listen listen because I promise you when your day calm and I know this ain't about deception but I'm talking about how God restore some things when people have counted you out there that you won't ever get a good man because you'll already mess up your life and you believe the deception and you say I should get a man oh no no I am living proof God still give you his best even when you feel like you messed up because there's nothing that you can do to make God take his hands off of you and that is a beauty that yes that is beautiful and just to hear how God has restored her and how she did go through a moment of having to overcome her past and even work through you know feeling ashamed but instead of you know going back to what she felt or allowing her feelings and emotions to overtake her you know God's truth and heart towards her she made a decision and said hey you know what marriage is a life-altering decision okay marriage is not just like okay I'm gonna marry you okay you know I don't like you anymore so I'm going to go do this no marriage it it has the power it it has a power to change your whole life so that is powerful pastor Seneca of just on how God has restored you and even just giving us wisdom of how we can guard our heart and what I was stopped trying to please people allow God's voice be the the loudest voice and not the whispers of man because if you think about it it's really whispers annoying voices that come to challenge who we really are a man so that is powerful awesome awesome good information I'm being blessed personally yes so how about you pastor Kim what is your personal experience of overcoming deception oh sorry okay I'm sorry how about you Apostle K what is your own personal experience with deception and how did you overcome it okay um so for me I felt like I was more like Jesus than my husband relationship Villa like I'm nice or unkind I felt like his personality was so shrewd and so aggressive I wanted him to be like me yeah I felt I'm God I know the right way that you should be and so I really thought that I could change his personality and change him and fix him up to be the way I wanted him to be and of course that that deception set in strong because really the more you try to fix a person in a really yeah the more there's resistance first of all and then sometimes you'll even provoke them to have resistance towards God just because of the way you're treating that person and what I had to learn to do I mean that was there were so many just instances where you know I would I would be come self-righteous and I didn't even know that I was being self-righteous with him and trying to fix him and trying to make him the way I wanted him to be and I was seeing things through the eyes of a woman I'm seeing things through the eyes of what my wants are and not necessarily what God's Will was for his life and for how whatever his journey was going to look like and so I had to come into a greater understanding of truth because I realized that it was prideful I was stepping in the way of being God and it's a lot of people who get you know they're dating a guy and they feel like well it's okay that they're this way when we get into the marriage I'll fix them you know I'll make sure that he gets this way or I'll you know do whatever to make sure that he gets to where I want him to be is so they settle not knowing that that's who he is and and a lot of times it's certain things that's not going to change about you know obviously we all change we all evolved and God is able to reach us but it wasn't him that was the problem it was really me and my self-righteousness and my pride and me feeling like I was better than God we're trying to put them path of change and evolution in my timing and the way I wanted it to be and really God had to speak to me one day and let me know that he placed his personality there for him because of his assignment and I had to get a greater revelation of the kind of aggression he had because of the kind of warfare that his life would work with involved and so I had to repent because what happened was that deception had got in my heart where I really did think that I I was like the sunshine I felt like I was the sunshine and when he came he was like the moon that kind of covered over this you know and I need to kind of bring him into some some different ways but I think God that God actually showed me my heart in that because God knew what he was doing with him God knew that he made his personality a gret aggressive and and that you know we what we supplement one another you know with just our personalities and so on and then the other problem was that if you're taking so much energy to try to fix your mate then you're not there's not really a lot of space for unconditional love mercy acceptance all the things that beautify a marriage and so I was void of those things and so I had to go on a journey first of all to understand and to learn what it is that he needed and not just what I wanted and and I had to understand I can't just fix him on my own terms because that was causing just a lot of chaos and our marriage to try to do that and so a marriage this is not about me demanding my rights for him to be the way I want him to be in the time and I want but this is a this is not a contract this is a covenant and this is a union where you don't do manual rights you lay down your life you lay down your rights to love a person just the way they are and so when I begin the two that belongs to me I started to get back the reward of that just from from journeying through and learning and and it was so difficult because when that pride is there when you really think that you have all the answers for your mate to be the way you want them to be when that pride is there is very deep and and and God has to really break you in order for you to really see yourself in the picture and learn that it's it's me I need to change it's not him that needs to changes mita needs to change and so I went through a discovery I went through understanding you know and learning about what men need and I even remember reading this book on love your respect and I remember going straight to the pages where it was all about the man having to fix things and I actually skipped over the part where I needed to learn things but that thing dealt with me so bad I had to really repent because there's it's one level of deception when a light penetrates your mind you're thinking your intelligence but it's another thing when the lie enters into your heart because then and I'll tell you how I had to overcome this because I really had to get renewed in my mind because when a lie will penetrate your heart the heart is the place of your identity so when deception takes root in your heart then it's even even when you're trying to think yourself out of it the mind will go to back to protect what's in the heart the unrenewed mind will go to back to particular the heart so I had all kind of justifications to why he needed to be the way I needed him to be and even in crazy relationships where you lose your intelligence you lose your sense of of just common sense because deception has taken root in the heart and this is why women will just even be in an abusive situations like or the fact that they're paying all the bills in and while he's at home being a bum in a relationship even before marriage oh well he you know they justify it because it's taken root in the heart and so when that thing took root in my heart I had to renew my mind and in an unremarkable four person I want to Romans 12 and to talks about renewing the mind and says don't be conformed to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is his good and pleasing and perfect will and so is saying that our mind as renew will be able to discern the will of God and so I'm not able to discern the will of God for my husband's life and flow in the will of God and flow in the same vein and flow in the same love and flow in the same mercy and flow in the same acceptance and flow in the same forgiveness I'm not able to do that without a renewed mind so I knew that I had to renew my mind to make sure that I was able to understand God's will and then I can marry that and I could team up with that and be the wife that he caused me to be because outside of that I was the one that that was an error for the way I was behaving in the marriage and so I know that a lot of people deal with that where if their husband their spouse their their whoever that person is that they're with if they're if they don't like the way they are because they're different you know and that's a whole journey of accepting difference but if they don't like the way they are they try to fix them they step in they become God they become self righteous they bring religion and they bring scriptures in the relationship and they use it and they extract love because the moment you extract love from the scripture it is no longer truth so you can choose you can fight and think they gonna help them but once love is extracted and you're doing it by playing religious games it's no longer truth and no you no longer have has any power to really influence your partner but it actually provokes resentment you ain't from God and so I would say that that was my journey and that was that was that was an eye-opening experience this happened early on in our marriage thank God I didn't take you know 50 million years to figure this out you know God God broke me early on and and from then now I I know how to you know I'm still growing but I know better how to influence him and he knows better how to influence me and we realized he can't fix me and I can't fix him it is what it is that's the reality of it and sometimes it just takes the Lord to reach people with things that you don't like about them and then that's just sometimes he's just gonna have to accept and you're just gonna have to love because that's what covenant is all about and that's why people need to be careful when they enter into covenant and by the way I have an amazing marriage and he's amazing man and and he has has flourished we both have flourished together and and I'm just excited that I yield it to God and what God was doing with us yeah that's beautiful and one of the main ugh 'its I got out of your personal journey is the renewing of our minds and I believe that's what's taking place and this evening is that our minds are being renewed so that we can have what's needed in our heart a man and that we have to get our minds to the Lord and allow him to renew in order to not be deceived so that is powerful yes pastor Kim what is your personal experience and how can you help people over how can you help people as a guard against it well I'm gonna go from the dating aspect of it you know it doesn't matter how great of a woman you are you're never gonna be good enough for man yeah you better see the red flags we pray so often for God to give us red flags and then when he gives us these red flags we ignore them and start praying for him to change the red flags you guys somewhere in there man a biological the only one going to this family were you and there's you know you might never get married and you're sitting there with all these people you know married and you're being told that you're never gonna get married and something makes you start really starting to say you know what maybe I can take on projects because we as women we're fixers you know where we can we can we can juggle kids we jumped job and juggle ministry we can juggle juggle we can juggle but the problem is you got to realize that you you you fall in love with their charisma but you gotta live with their character that yeah character thing you gotta pay attention he's in church about you every every weekend they're just shot in the house down the minute he gets you in a car he's over there trying to fill up on ya things you know and you're over there so he's a man of God and you're allowing your moles to come down and you're allowing yourself to be a seed and you've got to get to that place where you realize you are not created to be a man's you are a man it's not go project yeah when a man when God ordered a house you need a man that knows how to pray for you yeah they are and not PR Wow yeah we can get we can fussy for this in fact we have a what do ya'll come every 28 days on this little thing he's got a near that bad back 28 days yeah it's really bad man that was going to be at that place where he was not my project may he was the man of this house for me when you date him and he's over there playing Nintendo every day and your honor Ament trying to get job eating a branded agenda carrying all these cells he gonna be getting yourself ready you hear me yeah stop hanging out with single friends you need some mentors it's Mary because he sees something he don't want to lose and the one thing that I've learned about men man if a man is into you ladies he is calling you he is texting you yeah they're spending time with you too you heard his favorite pastime he wants to get to know you oh I know that he's the one for me we went out on a date last night and he just told me he's saying don't call me and I think he's still ain't called me he must be spending time with the Lord because he seemed really holy no he just don't like you yeah yeah for these people that we want to marry because we're trying to settle because we want to have babies yeah kind of getting ourselves in a position hiding ourselves in God and when God is ready he will make sure the man that's right for you know church and you'll see you across the room he will connect you but you got to get ready I intentionally y'all when I went through my divorce in 2006 I promise you I was the only one of my family it could not keep a marriage I was literally raised in a religion that said if you get divorced you're going to hell on a slip and slide I'm like oh my god I'm going to hell I can't keep a man I felt on where they had two sons that needed their father and here he has two preachers kids ones over here alcoholic and ones happen back there with her mom and d-36 is over kids and I told God that night this is for some of you out there I was laying in that bed in a fetal position mad and God is thorns that I created because I got ahead of God this lady not bad don't say God if you can put the stars in the moon you can create people in why can't you heal my marriage and I never one time asked me a change your man you never one time brought me into the situation and now he is not even trying to get to know me and I so identity my marriage is not gonna get better thank God take the pain away from me I gotta get up and live with him he said I can't tell you ain't away you gotta get up yeah you gotta quit stalking it on Facebook you gotta quit comparing yourself to everybody else quit comparing your story and all your truths yeah and that's when I did my recovery started I put a Do Not Disturb up on my heart and I said okay god I'll give you five I'll give you one year he like start getting yourself healed star getting lost in your passion don't go to bed every night who's gonna wipe my tail when I'm old yeah yeah exactly what I did Do Not Disturb and when I tell you I got so lost I learned how to preach I learned my call and he said where I'm about to take you you won't need a man that's that's that's anointed enough and confident enough you see it matters you have the wrong partner look at Delilah and Samson hello the wrong partner can detour you but the good thing about God is that he's got a call about him your life if you ever get in that place we're told he nothing nothing God is just like apostle just like we love is you choosing everyday cause yeah push each other to breakthroughs and not break down Jesus you know what I really felt the Spirit of God as she was speaking and a lot of freedom is taking place and one of the key things that I took was you know her her crying out to the Lord and asking God you know why did this happen to me why did this occur in my life and he told her clearly you did not even talk to me about it and how she says you know it's time for us to own our truth and that and that's what it means when you say no to deception and you say yes to truth is that you are saying I do not want to be in this false reality I no longer you know what to live in lies I want to walk in freedom and hearing a pastor Kim's story of her choosing to put a Do Not Disturb sign on her heart and she said when she gave God those five years of her life she intentionally sought out God and purpose was reignited in her and I believe that tonight that resurrect power is taking place where a lot of you ladies who have been dead feeling as if you had no word feeling as if your life was over from a past relationship or just what people have said about you that tonight you've been as sighted and we have just breathed life into you and it's not just us it's the Spirit of God inside of us that is speaking to you right now that you are not on this call you're not on this webinar by accident today is your day and because of her obedience and her laying down her life she was able to recognize her husband mark and looking at these pictures here you see joy you see excitement they are equally yoked they're pursuing purpose together no one is in competition he I love this picture here of him I'm just praying over her and that right there shows that he's a priest over his home that he doesn't just see her as you know like a best preacher he sees her as his wife and that is his first ministry so that is beautiful because of her yes and because of her being intentional she was able to acknowledge and recognize who God had for her and even with Pastor Faneca carrying her story of how she came from a broken relationship well as if she had thought is that she was indebted you know to a man because of a sin that was that happened and the enemy wanted her to believe that it was sin that he would never be able to be restored but God came in and restored her and that beautiful daughter of hers and on all of her children are a representation of a God's redemptive power she is now she has always been gorgeous but look at her now with her family her amazing husband these people oh my gosh my husband and I talk about them all the time they are the most realest most genuine people that you will ever meet and and they exude so much wisdom and so much hope I love their journey of meeting each other of how of how they were best friends and and and and how they came into her [ __ ] but finito would not be able to recognize her now-husband if she had not chosen God's heart if she had not chosen to get free if she had not chosen to believe what God said about her you see all of this it was because of her yes you guys this is powerful powerful powerful and we look at Apostle K here you guys oh my gosh each woman on here has just been releasing power nuggets but what I love about you know just these pictures and this hearing of the journeys of these women even Apostle K of her journey of God taking her through a season of her realizing that you know what I cannot change this man God you got have placed me in his life for a reason and for a purpose God showed me how to love this man show me how to take my pride away God show me how to know that my strength it's able to help his weakness and vice versa and what I loved about her journey as well was that when you understand that you know it I cannot change this man you know I cannot try to make him into who I want him to be that we need to renew our minds in a marriage and knowing that God I can only be the wife that he needs you can only be the husband that I need if I renew my mind in your word and I ask you how to do this all right you guys this is just powerful powerful and look at her now with the beautiful family walking in purpose I mean these are my pastors you guys they are literally changing the world one of the fastest growing churches in the world a movement to where they encourage family they encourage healthy marriages and all of that good stuff and if it wasn't for her yes if it wasn't for her - guess you guys she would not even be on this call right now you guys so thank God for her submitting hurt her season unto the Lord and even with me I was briefly able to share some of my journey of you know walking out of deception into truth and I am happily married and with my husband and learning how to serve Him and learning how to even let my pride down and be the wife that God's called me to be so with all of these stories you guys you see that we're married we have families were happy and we're smiling but we all have different stories in different journeys but the one thing that we have in common is that we had to go through receipts preparation a season to where we had to die to ourselves a season where we had to say god I don't know what to do some of us went through a season of being broken and being put back up and being put back together again some of us had to get divorced and and relearn ourselves but you know what we are standing here today and we are filled with wisdom and we're here today strong saying okay God thank you for the pressure thank you for letting go of that bad relationship thank you Lord Jesus for holding me and the moments where I didn't know what to do thank you lord and even for me personally you know with being married now that you know looking back at my single season and coming into marriage I've come to the conclusion of like man if I had a true community of women who were around me or if I had you know mentors and people that were pouring into me during my my season of singleness if I had intentionally prepared and you know got my soul healed and went through the proper process of really figuring out okay who is Natasha I went through a process of that but looking back I'm like man it could have been more in-depth I could have learned more about Natasha I could have even been able to establish a greater level of wholeness and I know that you know God is faithful because I'm Mary now and I am flourishing in that but what we want to do as women and as your sisters in Christ is let you know that you do not have to wait until you're married until you will figure out who you are or know how to prepare yes with marriage and when you get into covenant yes things are going to change and you're gonna have to learn how to be a wife but why walk into being a wife not even knowing who a wife is what a wife does what god says about marriage if you're able to go into that season of your life prepared and ready and strong and securing your identity and your role in God and role in this marriage just think how how amazing your marriage will be and that is why we you know just want to ask you guys a question right now okay I just shared my journey of man I wish that I had a season of my life or something to give me to help me intentionally prepare for marriage so I want to ask you guys if if you have the opportunity to have access to something that would help prepare you to walk into marriage would you sign up for it would you say yes I need this help if somebody were to come to you and say hey let me walk with you through how to be a woman of God how to be a virtuous woman you hear all the time proverbs 31 woman let's be a virtuous woman but you know what you need someone to come in and to show you how to do this you need to be able to sit at someone's feet and to be able to receive the wisdom it's not just going to come from book knowledge it's not just going to come from going on social media and seeing pictures you need to sit and be intentional and be a purposeful in wanting to get this information so how many of you guys if you guys had access you had access did something like that would you be interested in it I see in the chat room it is blown up people are like yes yes yes yes yes well you guys we have something that is spectacular the online singles conference 2018 is a conference that my husband Jamal and I host every year and as you can see we are very passionate about equipping you all singles to be ready and prepared for marriage if you guys have enjoyed what pastor Kim has shared what apostle kamila has shared what pastor Bonita has shared you guys want to be a part of this you may so I'm gonna bring my husband on with me and we want to go through what the online singles conference is how excited were about how excited we are about it and all of that great stuff so the online singles here's my husband my god this is just I was literally over here like pacing back and forth I was like oh right now and so I mean tonight has been phenomenal and like Natasha said perfectly baby did amazing being able to really show the essence of what this conference is all about is truly being able to take you from a place up I don't know how to do this I don't know what to do I'm sick of the same old thing I'm sick of being frustrated of my singleness I'm sick of people telling me lie tell yes and being scared of making the wrong decision in dating I'm scared to put myself out there how much should i do what should I not do these are the things that we want to help you tackle or most important I'm Natasha said fall in love of Jesus are the most important things you can do with your single season yeah but the next level of falling love of Jesus is refiling in love with you yeah right and so that's the only thing of people you gotta realize is we got to know and learn ourselves newly in Christ and this is what they don't last news conference is all about so we're gonna be very quickly just walk you guys through the conference so you guys better understand what this thing is and we want you to know that this is your next season and looking right in front of you right inside this conference is God saying I want to walk you into use yeah and so one of the things that we've done with all iciness conference is that we believe that it's pivotal for you to master three seasons right it's the single season the dating season in the marriage season and people say well how do i how do i master those and i'm not in those that's wisdom pragmatism is for you to invest in yourself now to already understand what a season is going to take for you to master before it even comes so that's what they wanna see this conference is going to do so one of the first thing we're gonna focus in on is the marriage season a lot of people always say that you have to learn from other married couples how to be married and the thing that we have to face in our reality is we're coming from more broken marriages today than ever before so you did not learn it at home it's will be much more difficult for you to learn how to have a successful marriage because right now you know who you studying from you studying from brown sugar and studying from notebook you studying from all these Hollywood movies that I'm sorry they not getting the information from the Word of God they getting it straight from the flesh of what they think a fairy tale love is but we're gonna give you guys the truth the merits seesee session we talked about FeliCa free le'Bryan they're gonna be laid out typical roles alright what is the role of a man and a woman husband and wife in the 21st century and they're gonna break that thing down because the reality is y'all it's evolved it is real life yeah if anything was saying was so important that you talk about man and a husband get sick he already put the head you know he put the cup over you to come over there but the thing is like looking at it now you got women that's working 9 to 5 yeah they got multiple children what does that role look like today with twenty years ago nobody were working women were at home how does that work today in tea keeping in contact of the word of God they're gonna be teaching on that session then our pastors our parents apostle magic community person when the biggest thing we found coming into our marriage mother father I mean mother fathers is real life I mean your parents marriage or lack thereof is gonna show up in your marriage whether you like it or not and they're going to help you to deal with those wounds before your marriage comes so that session is going to help walk you through a process of healing forgiving and knowing how to now process how is it going to work when I get married knowing that I did not have a good marriage and I am a good marriage that I saw growing up and how do I make sure that I don't let that thing come into my marriage breaking the cycle is key and that's what they're gonna help you to do there and then me Latasha one of the biggest struggles that we've had in our marriage is being completely 101,000 alright and in this session we're going to talk about being naked and unashamed not just the sex part y'all because reality is anybody all y'all in here know what sex does and what how it works and all that good stuff but there's another part of sex that we don't talk about enough transparency yeah and that is sex in itself and may Natasha really breaking this down of why it's so important to learn how to truly be 1,000 with your future spouse and what does that process take this is the work heart of marriage I'm sorry you can't prepare for being able to be there before your spouse is something that really does take investing into you now to learn the value of it later this is the marriage season y'all how many y'all said on me mind God we need this in my life today alright you come tell us the wisdom because I mean we've been married you know Tim she is y'all got 20 years on you guys y'all like 20-plus years their sessions called love ology the truth of how to sustain love after 20 years all right now we're gonna move into the single season all right so the thing that we want you guys to know as many of you are in the single season now we want you to master it we have you to true to go after that thing and be able to know I successfully completed this season we took this that these sessions are built from the place of what we've seen the majority single struggle with most because most people I know stuff some of y'all are still struggling with one-night stands some of y'all are still struggling with sex and giving your bodies up but most of you aren't most of you have made vows and commitment to your body mostly we wear a purity ring say I'm married to Jesus ain't nobody touching me and you're proud of you but when we bound isn't you're still giving your heart away yes you may not be having sex with your body but you show having sex with your mind you have all the motions you going through and I call the emotional sex so I actually talk too much like can you come here and talk about this can you teach these folks how to protect their heart not just say bodies because everybody's over here putting their rings up and reality is you got soul ties all over the place I ain't just spread out all right so she's gonna come and teach on emotional sex how to protect your heart from committing adultery and really give you guys some real truth about this concept that I believe is missing in the church next is our good friends Jared's Misha flowers y'all know them very well the next thing I'm gonna be hitting on because if you're not if you are not struggling with emotional sex that you are truly struggling with lust and less some that we are not talking about today the real the realness of it and have a battle I'm talking about masturbation all right a lot of your shoving with this I'm talking about you know everything from we here at all man we hear people you know throwing out sex toys you have thrown out you know vibrators we were going out these things when they begin to hear the truth about what it's doing to them in their future marriages pornography it's just not men anymore it's women y'all women are struggling it's just as much as men are we are exposing the devil and we're calling them out and we're saying no more let this thing go on so my friends dear TV flower-like going after a spirit of lust and they're breaking it next is going to be if you're not struggling with these things y'all the next thing you're gonna do a sugar compare and these are this is for my ladies I know Britney Morin is an amazing communicator and teacher and she's going to be talking about you are not here you are not hurt how to overcome comparison find your true self and if you can overcome and get free from comparison or jealousy and envy in your single season it is going to help you a lot in your marriage okay because you want to be securing who you are and you have to be secure even in your marriage because even when you're married you cannot compare your marriage yet if someone else's marriage so she's going to be hitting that and talking to us women and so she's going through the churches of this nation yeah understating city is amazing amazing here in the next thing about fine is communication between the sexes how do men and women truly communicate in their single season to where it's done healthy so I'm asking my good friend Jerry to come in and decoding the silence the silence between men and women I do believe many women should learn how to have healthy friendships in their single season because I believe that's where majority folks for me you're gonna meet your spouse's possibly in old friendships in the friend zone so we're gonna code the silence there and teach you guys that concept it's gonna be really calm all right now let's go into the dating season y'all ready for this dating season alright so these are for those of you that are saying I want to date God's Way when he comes I want to be able to do this thing right I want to be able to honor God it's successfully transitioning to a healthy god centered marriage how many guys have heard of Michael Todd he had a series go viral recently his sermon series was called relationshipgoals and this thing has gone viral so I pulled them in to God I said brother we need you to come and set this thing up for us talk about the realness of singleness and the myths of dating what are the things that godly men and women should not be doing there ya know we're doing in dating season a lot of people that honestly y'all like man I'm just trying to get a date right I didn't shower I'm trying to get out there and he's only talking about him breaking that down and being able to really break down the whole concept but even getting a date and the miss of how it's done because I believe they don't take you having to you know I think being go out in groups that's another form of dating is how much they're thinking about this thing we're gonna talk about it today next he's gonna be by Tim and Breeland Bowman they are I mean I love their journey in their story but they're gonna talk about boundaries all right can we go there how to remain pure Wow lady that's enough right there setting it to it in etosha it successfully they pure and it has made all the difference in marriage and we pray that they can come and help you guys to give that concept and help impart that into you the next thing we're finding is a lot of people asking about and I've had a lot of men this is for you ladies if you have a France a male this just a lot of question that the guys are asking how much money does it really take how much more does it really take for us to have a successful marriage so I want them to come and break down what does it take the transition from a dating engagement to marriage how much money should you be making with the practicality of that how much money should he be making what should be the qualifications of this piece because it's very important because I think a lot of people are stopping from getting married because they think they're not ready financially yeah and they're gonna come and really break the truce down that it's not about what's in your bank account as we know us in your mind it's about your behavior right that's the thing because you can have maze of dollars in your bank account it still not be ready for marriage yet so we're gonna come and really give that truth to you guys and last but not least we have our good friend Cornelius and Heverly beautiful friends of ours that we want them to come and talk about the first year how did you transition from singleness to marriage without losing yourself y'all like this has been huge for live folks asking us like a lot of people say me I'm scared to lose my identity get married this is a huge problem we want to help you guys know how to do this and do it God's Way yeah how many I like my recession you like it's worth everything for me that was a session right there I'm everybody's raising their hand in my life so let's just continue on as we kind of just break this thing down and they say I want to talk about its bonuses all right so we are big about illnesses because we like to celebrate action all right the Bible says without you know without works good that's a place without works is dead right so you can believe God for all this stuff and you can you know and all that great amazing things but what's cool about the bonuses for us is like we want to celebrate your Ash and we want to celebrate you putting your work to your faith and being an aside believe in God for this I must step out on this but if you do we're gonna give you some bonuses alright and we have some pretty amazing bonus they're going to give tonight we're gonna be giving away a fast action bonus that's gonna be for those who they're registered by the time this webinar is over we're gonna be giving you guys three of our one about premier courses and work some of the people you heard tonight right the first one can be by Natasha Miller she taught a session called how to position yourselves to be found this is a one-hour jam-packed workshop teaching you how to position yourself to be found the next one y'all this this session right here prostates off this two years ago and she's learnt about most requested sessions ever I mean this thing many people still comment on I'm still receive emails how I become a woman worth marrying I mean and she just came for lives on that session so y'all just getting ready for that because she truly lays down what it truly tastes to become really worth marrying and last bonus for tonight with real talk in her session last year have folks knees crying out to God how to successfully move on from a fair relationship when you register tonight you're gonna get this bonus in your life and have it you immediately get it soon as you register to take it and consume it right away alright so that's the only for those who register tonight next week all to make me ready package this is for anyone that registers at any time you're gonna be getting for e-books whether you're a single parent whether you are a guy that needs to learn how to pursue whether you need to learn how to dress on the first date or you want to stage the relationship now this is an amazing content we're gonna be giving you guys out tonight just because you said yes to your season of preparations and for those of you that register within the next 24 hours bonus he's not you know it's better to give it is the receive right I won't be deceived bonus package this yeah packages that we believe we put together especially for those who are saying I will not be the seed so we're gonna break down first thing the man I want versus the man I need this is an e-book that I have specially written by my content team to break down how do we know the difference between the man I want and the man I need and knowing to get centers of what I should be getting the next thing is gonna be the sixth thing that should be acts out acts on the first date what are those questions that you should not ask y'all be on here on the first day asking every question social security number Lucia we're glad we're last three places you say how much Mike when was your last free jobs the other certain question you should not be asking y'all stop you know she'll enjoy so let's call me that BJ all right and the last thing is 12 ways to break it out the sole time when they had that book Cup I was like my god to always recognize are so tired six ways to break free and I say this is the steal how many got right now right so we're gonna quickly what you guys are listen to a story Oh last but not least breaking the cycle we are making a limited time only bonus because this is so much value right here too much value to even talk about each and every one of these sessions but if you do register tonight we are gonna get this guy get this over to you guys as well I want you to watch this story very quickly we're gonna tell you guys where to go register children because I had taken on that stigma team and I wasn't ready because I had children outside of marriage but praying to this conference I wouldn't even have the capability of identifying those root causes and what had caused so many fail relationships we have to identify and overcome our core issues before being prepared for me and as a result of the conference I know that I am redeemed I know that I don't have to be embarrassed because of our past or our mistakes I would say the most powerful thing ever why should register for you walk away knowing your identity and price your self-esteem will skyrocket you will train yourself work and of course so guys like you see it man like this thing is life-changing we've had literally over the last three years thousands of men and women transform because it is calm and before we talk about you know this you know how to go register I want to cross okay just quickly just to share her nugget of why you need to learn how to invest in yourself yes you know so you know when you're investing yourself you're even making yourself an expense or an asset so I do believe that when people are not in the habit of investing in themselves and and the best thing you can invest in yourself is wisdom and knowledge there's a scripture that talks about how people are destroyed from a lack of knowledge knowledge is the issue and if people are destroyed for lack of knowledge then that means relationships are destroyed from not having the knowledge as needed to invest yourself in yourself because you are part of that relationship I often love the scripture also in proverbs 4 7 that talks about the beginning of wisdom is to get wisdom but I love the second part even more where it says though it costs you everything it understanding and the reason why is because a successful marriage is not is not just about the exchange of love it is but there are some people who love sincerely but you can ask people who've been divorced love was not always enough to keep the relationship together a successful marriage is the result of the application of knowledge and even with my story you know this whole platform of having a culture to learn and to have and to gain wisdom and knowledge that wasn't around before I got married and so when I encountered some of my issues I had to search to learn something I did not know how to do marriage the way I needed to for it to be successful and I am extremely happy at just the result of that and I really feel like if I didn't get the knowledge that I need it I don't know what what our marriage could look like right now because my husband is such a wonderful guy right now I could have created some kind of monster and it would have been just because I didn't have the right knowledge in order to apply into my marriage so I believe that when people take time out to invest in themselves they become an asset and not an expense for a relationship and it's something that can it can really help you to eliminate the risk of having an unsuccessful marriage because at the end of the day you don't really want to experience an unsuccessful marriage and so to eliminate the risk of that you have to have platforms and systems that educate we get educated on everything but relationships but I believe that there is no greater entity ever that destroys people's lives more than relationships there is no one can ever name anything greater that will destroy a person's life other than relationships and so I think it's the it's the the least entity that we really spend time on getting educated about and getting knowledge and wisdom and I do believe that whether it cost you you ever that you should gain some understanding if it's somewhere in your video in your future if you plan on dating giving a relationship or you desire marriage you need to be educated period so everybody you've heard it from the Apostles mouth alright opportunity now to do this thing and really take this next leap of faith we know for a lot of you investing in yourself is new and we know that investing is something like this is going to be new for many of you but I believe all of my heart when you make this decision you're gonna feel the shift in your life so how many of you are ready right now to go and register many of you probably get insane [ __ ] for five six hundred dollars well if you look at all the bonuses it is like seven $800 for bonuses but guys tonight it's only a $97 investment to be able to take your season and ship it into a new place so once you go ahead and register everybody you can go ahead and go to TOS c18 comm like we said for those of you that want to access the fast action bonuses which is what's to the left you know the register before this webinar ends all right before the webinar ends and we're going to spend about 30 minutes doing some Q&A with you guys for those of you that did desire to go and get the ebook that you stay to the very end I want to say thank you guys so much we're going to add that I'm gonna get the sum I'm gonna get that is I'm gonna get the link put up here but while we're doing that we're gonna go ahead and start feeding out some questions to you guys um and and before we do that I do want to just want to just personally thank pastor Kim yeah house okay passive Anika thank you guys so much for being a part of this and rocking this with us we are so grateful for you guys in the journeys you guys have been through to get to this point in your lives and to be a part of this journey with us it's amazing and everybody like we said not only we be able to hear pastor Kim again pause ok again impassively yeah but some of the most world-class speakers in the world that are in relationships tongue our relationships are going to be able to transform your life in this online conference and so I'm going to go and let you guys go register now and I'm sorry I answer some questions and we're gonna throw the link up with the ebook very quickly and I'm gonna let some questions start going will feed them out to you guys PASOK imposter Capon I guess you guys you guys want to go ahead and jump off how everyone yeah bow and go love you everybody give it a fast game she's rolling out I guess we're gonna link up and everybody just answer some questions here and and get you guys some questions answered give us a quick second as I um get this link put up for you guys well I think it I have it oh there it is there is the link there guys creepy it bit dolly / just take a little quick arm take a quick a quick screenshot of that guy's is bit dot Lee / 5 red flags gift all right that's for the free ebook alright for the free ebook you can go ahead and get that screenshot it thank you guys so much for being a part of it tonight we're just going to go back to the links you guys can see it is TOS c18 comm TOS C 18 calm and I'm gonna let you guys go ahead answer some questions and then we've got 30 minutes for Q&A guys and then tonight will be over basically that means you have 30 minutes to go and register for the conference to get the fast action bonus package all right okay and in four - screenshot on Mac Luke I just happen to see that question properly yes yes like I think shift command 4 okay guys so I'm just gonna go through some questions then you guys can just feel free to to answer which one okay so okay so do you guys believe that a woman can communicate interest to a man I never recommend it I think I think they used to go first I think it's okay but I think that it should be a response and not an initiation towards a man huh am i saying that people haven't done it more power to them but I really just feel like I'm from the old school mindset where I think men should pursue and because sometimes you know it's my theory that you know the way things start is the way they pretty much in and if you start off pursuing or initiating or being aggressive in a relationship you might have to keep doing that in order for things to be the way you want them to be and so I like the whole paradigm of a man pursuing a woman and showing interest in her initially first and then a woman can respond back after there is a clear picture of what it means for him to initiate not something that's very vague or him just saying like oh I really like your shoes because some women take that stuff the wrong way you have a real clear picture I'm interested you know that's good I agree how about you passive Anika I agree you know old school too you know my grandparents raised me she always always chase the cat you know and so you know I I agree and like you said in this day and time and you know I'm a Southern woman you know we say sweetie and baby and darling and I I know guys that a country like me and I've seen women take some small things they said we oh they like me if you just try to pursue them no sugar that a high words you know cuz if you have any interesting even the shy is man wherever I have some strength and he was yes what it was something that he likes I love it you know just like a pastor Kim has shared to that man if a man is interested in you you will not have to question that injury you know you won't and that's what we all experience with our now husband's is I never felt as if you know he wasn't interested in me he made that very clear in the beginning of us me and to me that had yeah and it's helped in our marriage and knowing that man okay he did desire me you know what I mean he was intentional with pursuing these that helps everything okay let me another one question okay so if a man a lot of question is you guys ho sorry ha okay so I'm getting a lot of questions of people that are wanting to know how can they date or like put themselves out there I had and there was someone who said that you know she's 46 years old and she's never been in a serious relationship and and she wants to know how she can date and I know that within like the Christian world and everything that we can make it like super spiritual and I know at the same time that it needs to be a little bit more practical um and I know for me you know when it comes to putting yourself out there it's not like you know just you getting eye contact or you know responding to a question and your countenance being calm and you being approachable I think can go very far in regards to putting yourself out there what do you guys think I mean you don't have to be like oh yeah yeah just be regular you know you gotta go into this one instead of like hey you see me you know you know just be regular and you know and I think one of the the sad lies we have told people these I know me you know you got to find that brother you know like this Lou tell you something all the brothers in church they ain't there for the right reason and I'm saying so you have to watch further than a churchgoer I mean you know we just saw this big article where this lady met a young man I think it was in st. Louis they was in church in ministry and they went to church hair community he went home a shot husband she met him in church you know and they got married very quickly it seems as if the article you know saying so a lot of times we feel like oh if this in church is just right you're not I mean that's that's not the case and sometimes they might quote a million scriptures you know I'm saying but they don't make them not be right you know I'm saying so I think that's the beauty in it I think when we keep it on the forefront of our mind yesterday gonna be the day that I find a man you have to say you know what the body said they then wait on the Lord right he will renew I think every day you say okay god I just know what you have for me and listen when you start saying that you'll get so lost a brother show up and you even know what to do my husband and I had big dreams for years even before I had my daughter I mean we were so close friends until he was in the delivery room when I had her and she wasn't his father and we were there and he proposed and we never went on a date okay there's how much he meant that he wanted to be you know say with me but I think we have to be very careful when we say X Y Z this is how you be back this is how you you know I mean just just be regular man he'll just you'll just stumble upon you'll stumble upon him in the field like Naomi did I think she's right you know don't don't go into your idea of finding the right person we're thinking that oh because he's gifted or he's in church it's automatically you got to make sure that those values are lined up with each other he may not be like she said the most you know the person who quote all the scriptures but he's a man his credit is good he's take good care of his family or be a good father so you gotta pay attention to all of that but it's okay to just be normal and you know I just think people are anxious and they just don't trust God constrain relationships you just got a lot of know that you just and and then you will be found there are a million testimonies about that I'm one of them I wasn't looking man I wasn't looking for marriage as a matter of fact I didn't think I would get married in school I think I was gonna get married until about right now and that was in my mind um so don't you know don't feel like you know God can't make this thing work you know is you and your anxiety can delay the process of what God wants to do because you're unprepared and you're anxious and you'll make dumb decisions and God doesn't want to know do anything that's gonna destroy your life you know so sometimes he will with certain things for your own good but you can be normal you can be natural you can I even believe that a woman can cry on a diet I think she can do it in a smart way she could do it in a way where her brain is involved and not her heart but if you do want to crushing on a guy don't in fog your heart steer your actions which are brain don't let your intelligence get Rock because you don't wound up in some fantasy world where you dreaming about you and him and he ain't even asked you out on a date or anything keep your brain and your intellectual capacity at the forefront we wanna God I think it's okay I think it's normal I know women look at guys and say oh goody look whatever but just make sure that that that those seeds don't wind up filtering all the way through your heart and then all of a sudden you in some relationship by yourself which old fantasy ran yeah set you up for failure also yeah and I think I know for me when I was single I mean when I was in those desperate moments I'd go to church and some guy like a new guy would come into the building and he didn't have no ring on and yeah all the women in there like what okay is he all come sit by me he don't hug me and I I follow and I even though pray don't like man he's opening the door for me he lifted me you know a second longer and then you just and then when you don't come back to the church you like where is he at god that's my husband's soul I mean that's very dude have to be sound and we have to be sober and there was a note yes yes yeah who never even asked him out who never even asked for their number so it it turns because you a lot of times we we trust we trust God with other stuff but we don't trust God with our heart and our money you know me that's one of the things we struggle with trusting God with our heart and we struggle with trusting God with our money you know your instant oh man quick enough so I'm just gonna make something yeah you know if your money funny angle because you know I know it's impossible but they ain't gonna do that because I need this money to survive I always tell people that we trust but we don't trust with our heart and we don't trust them with our money we say God what do you have for me you know as it pertains to my heart and I think what a lot of times these people don't even know how to pray and X things a guy because people have been told oh that's silly the eggs God no no no God is concerned about the matters of your heart and the matters of your heart a lot of times he won't be dropping on you know not dogs and you know I'm saying that you depressing cloudy stuff because you put a horse before I made the cart before the horse is my grandma say you you try to you try to make your own way of how to make something go for it you know and that's just the way it goes trust God even with your heart so good you know I just want to go ahead and shout out some people that have registered for the online singles conference who have said I want to enter into my new season we have Angela young welcome we have Anna tinea Cornish we have Regina Latoya Elyse royland we have amber we have Javy oh we have Angelica Claudia we have grace you guys and that's my daughter's middle name grace Cassie we have Marlene Chiquita Kenya Lakeisha kaliesha we have so many people that have said yes to entering into their new season tonight ladies I am so proud of you guys I am personally so excited to hang with you guys for two days march night through the tape we have a blast you guys are going to be able to really interact with us and learn more about us I also want to welcome Nina anta Felicia British or Rhonda Jenelle say Ivy Devi all these beautiful names jazz me Deborah Cynthia shakeela Tabitha Jasmine actually all these beautiful beautiful song beautiful hearts that are hungry after truth and that want to be prepared for their future you guys this is beautiful I feel like man we're just all in a room together just having fun together right this is great great great great great great you guys so let me go ahead and look on and see if I can find any other questions I'm seeing too that you know there are some questions about you know what God send you a mate that you're not attracted to you um we hear this all the time to where some women feel like okay well here's what I want but when I hear preachers teach certain things it's like it's not what you want it's it's what you need so how does that kind of you know move in marriage and kind of you know choosing who you want to spend your life with like I know for me I believe that you need to be attracted to your spouse I believe yes you need to want to be with them you need want to look at them but I believe that there's negotiables and non-negotiables and I believe that you know once you become mature and you begin to even get healed from some dysfunctions and heal from old mindsets that are not you don't align with God's work you're able to you know process guys differently you know cuz for me it's like oh my husband it's like yeah I had dated other guys before that were taller or they were a certain complexion but they didn't have you know my non-negotiables so for me I was like yo you look good but you don't know Jesus you don't live for God you don't have any boundaries you know and your character isn't in line so I'm not gonna just marry you because of your looks I want to marry you because of your character so like how can women kind of keep that balance and not feel as if they're compromising or suddenly I answer that you know it's bumpy I mean my husband often tell the story because we were years before uh I was not attracted to him when I when I first met him I'm a big girl you know plus-sized woman I like a big man and in that's typically I you know I like a linebacker you need to be like 300 pounds I like it wouldn't you know look you know a little flat tire on the side a little meat something to hold on it's what I like that was my preference right yeah and what was something we talked about later is I would always say that to him like never the skinny man the skinny man is not attractive to me not now this man has fallen in love with me but I didn't know it and Here I am pursuing a man that that doesn't mean me any good and this man is already here in the wings and I friends on him me cause he wasn't what I thought you know that's something that was attracted to me but later when I began to ask God about it because it was crazy because when he into proposing to me and people said well what made you say yes it was a whole bunch of other things but I but God began to do with me and tell me that because I wasn't ready he had to put blinders on my eyes as it pertained to him so I wouldn't do what I had normally do and allowed my flesh to make a decision with him because that was my one weakness always been a church girl I was in it but I always had me a man sugar I always had me a man you know but and so because that was that was my issue it was God was like I'll let you see this brother you know saying in the eyes that you don't saying that he's attracted to you because this is the one but I have to shield him and how you even view him so when the time is right your eyes are gonna open and listen I'm telling you and I know people's like really you will say you weren't attracted mom and let me tell you something now he's the most beautiful mustaine available sing but I am grateful yeah I didn't see him like that because God had to work some things I need me there was something I was such a runner I had such an orphan heart I dealt with rejection just because of not being raised by my parents you know my biological parents and so you know I often struggle with me and if I felt like they you know said something it was you know track correct something I couldn't understand it I to get real personal you can't do that in a marriage because we should all be striving to do better so yes God had to Bly the way I look at him and I tell some of these women y'all gonna quit pretty you know it's still harming these brothers you know because but give you what you need for your future and for you don't say mayors that come together we have a vision and God gives us something that we supposed to work on specifically in our marriage right he has to send the right person because hey you marry somebody else you might not be doing married in y'all but this is your purpose this is the trajectory you all are on and so a lot of times I say listen god I gotta thank God you shield it me because I was still a fool you know I'm saying and he had to work some things out but when the time was right those things fell out and I saw him in a total different that's and you know attraction is different for women and men yeah well men may have a pass or innate and they approach it differently they're there their body parts are different they function differently what turns them on is different I'm so for a woman it is it is easier for a woman even if she doesn't start off being attracted to a guy to see you know find her way being attracted at some point especially if she can at some point emotionally connect to him yeah as long as at some point you do become attracted to that person it's okay I would never say marry some just like I'm just not attracted to you why come up and you should be attracted to them but it is it but it's sometimes worth dating even if you feel like at the beginning you're not attracted to them if they're a good man yeah that's really good and I think like understanding the science of that too of learning what a man you know you know what a man who a man is and what a woman is and how we work books are not always primary for getting yeah good and he and he's a great provider and he's woman's emotions will connect and they will become attracted to gas about them and they'll love that man yeah I love that man yes yes yes so I want to welcome some more people in welcome Terry Moniz Christie Elizabeth key compen Alicia Kiva Monique Monica Stephanie Rose Barry H oedema Lisa patrina Nikki Angelique Brittney kind all of you beautiful women that have said yes welcome welcome welcome welcome as you start the journey of becoming a queen okay Queen Queen Queen Queen we have Britney our t-shirt Alisha destiny treszura and nakisha rock me all of these wonderful women that have said yes to their new season so you know what we only have four more minutes left but I really think we need to answer what I what is your guys's opinions on online dating we're getting a lot of questions in here of like hey my friends have done it and you know they've been successful in it but I'm still kind of eerie with it what is your guys's take on dating well first of all of you Erie with it I just wouldn't do it if you here you know obviously it's probably not for everybody right there's a lot more risk involvement that you need to do a lot more background check yeah and and I would say if you are doing an online dating thing you still shouldn't go into a relationship with somebody unless you know them face-to-face being online I don't I wouldn't necessarily encourage somebody who's online to go into some kind of verbalization of a committed relationship because I haven't been around you I haven't been around your friends I haven't been around your family I don't even know if you look the way you could be this could be your cousin on on on the on the online you know profile and watch times to figure out that P not much people live yeah and so you know that that that why and very you know heartbreaking whatever you please lie you know and then find out this is not even it um so I would say even if you are I'm doing the UM my connection is is nice enough even if you are doing the online dating thing I still think you need to find ways to to to meet in person and to build still that relationship in person before you make some commitment and make sure you you have a crew around don't don't mean nobody alone or anything like is this to the world is just too dangerous for that right now folks come up missing people wanting to murdering you you know it just it needs to be in a place that that is safe a daytime environment where there's a lot of people and you need to have some people with you when you go or whatever you know so if you are doing it I don't necessarily always encourage it it is very risky there's some successful people who've done it I I'm just not a specialty I don't have the specialty of wisdom in the area of online dating yeah that's I I agree I really feel like if you do online dating you really need to be very open you don't need to do it by yourself you need to people into the process and talk those things through I know for Jamal and I we met on Facebook but even with that like a month after you know we started community fight we actually saw each other so I and I remember there was there was some face-to-face there way no you coming in his environment and no at a cop with people you know it was a and then involving you know his pastors and I thought you know like so it was there was a of protection around the whole journey of it and some people they go made it these isolated dating scenes online and is coming in a meet up somewhere about themselves and you know and I'll come you know things can happen once a so you just got to take a lot more precaution if you're if you're going to do that yeah okay okay you guys so we're gonna we're gonna keep up the website and everything for you guys to register because right now you guys are literally breaking the Internet of our webpage because everybody who's wanting to register so that's a good problem yeah that is a good so we're gonna keep the fast action but this is up and available for you guys to be able to access and you know it if you guys have like three more minutes I really feel like we can hate us because a lot of women are saying that they're in a relationship with someone and they are still struggling with lust and having sex and they're putting up boundaries but it's not working and then another woman also stated that before she married her now-husband they were sexually active so like do you believe that you know sex you know before marriage can ultimately affect your like current marriage in a negative way I know that's two questions in one but I mean we can just hit the hole was I like to answer that you know someone who had a child before I was married and and I saw how I went down a downward spiral and like I said I was with this this this guy for five years and here we are fighting and ponies calling and and not you know say and we it was never any type of violence before you know because that's like a flash to do it makes you a crazy and and and I said this went so wrong said I can't do this like this normal you're not I mean and so even though night when I was on fire I had to say listen fam on five got you something you got you know I'm saying I'm grateful for her don't get me wrong but what I'm saying is I know the repercussions and I know what it did to a child too because I put a child in the situation without having a husband so I had already put her in a space where she would deal with rejection at a young age and I can't put that on him that was me you're gonna say I put you know every time you lay down you take the chance I don't care how much control on camera condoms you use honey because I had it all you ever say I'm saying when before they broke forth yeah you know it so for me I said hi I can't do this number you know I'm saying so pledge I had to literally look into myself and tell my listen listen when you let your flesh rule it turned out real real bad you know I'm saying it like I said I'm simple I'm grateful and God shows me over and over and over why he had to allow it to happen ever I said then I got to do something different and every time I was at you know every time I was struggling I had to do some different now I am also grateful my husband proposed to me in two weeks later he moved to Tulsa Oklahoma to get his master's and I said God you know and that's just the truth but every time I see it when I made flesh decisions how did it leave me in shambles how was I sitting there crying because one thing about God never took my condition which was crazy I was it was crazy and I was sitting and be weeping like God what is wrong with me like you know I would be like God you saw you I would see the church just just looking slow you know I'm saying like why put yourself through those things well you just you got to get to a place where you tell a whole lot of trouble and get yourself prepared for when that brother do come cousin listen this nation will rise up and I'm not gonna say it because we're mayor women and I know how people say oh y'all married you get you go to bed with biceps and triceps you can't tell me yes I can't honey because I haven't been then I've done it wrong and I turn around and do it right and I am thankful but I think had I not done that into that still I don't think some of those things that happen in my marriage now would have survived you know what I'm saying yeah and I've done it the way I had before if you want a different results you got to do something different and you got to tell this flesh disobey when people get to telling me that that lets me know that their flesh is getting the war it is one of the war it you know with their spirit man that you're not doing the things that you need to do to fight it you don't I'm saying and so we say that all you thinking about is how hot you are you ain't got time to be worrying about God I mean so you telling me you easy out nowhere where you can fight you got to have a way you can fight only way you can fight only way you can fight this fish isn't worried about oh yeah and I believe we should say you so in the flesh you will reap in the flesh you know just says sometimes you just have to cut it off you're not strong enough to be in the invite in the same environment you know so when people are still trying to put up boundaries and still trying to have that attachment it is just gonna set up a ways for it to keep happening over and over you wind up in the cycle and the soul tie gets stronger and stronger and it's harder to break away from it and yes I do think that God is a God of restoration so someone's Mary who already did I can restore but yes I do think that I'm having sex before marriage can sew into the marriage and what it can slow is distrust see I'm together and they demons come together to do with dude a dirt they're not thinking about that but when you get into the marriage and you have a moment of conflict or argument or something happens you start to raise question because you realize okay this person cause their standards and their values to come down with me so I wonder if they're doing it with someone else you know and so those questions the enemy is start plaguing on your memory and on what happened and start being in you and so it can sow seeds of distrust down in the marriage even before it ever starts you know as course the reverse is true we say pure you stay holy during your marriage then that can sow seeds of trust between both partners because you you have you've shown yourself to be someone who can be disciplined who can be self-disciplined with with your your morals your values and you put them on display even in the I may be possible temptation so I don't think it's a good thing I think if somebody is involved and and they can't stop then they need to cut the relationship off you can't even really process right when you in a soul tie so you don't even know if that person is for you you probably in love which again love doesn't mean that that's the person for you and that you know you're gonna know how to do marriage and so you need to even take a step back to even see if this is a relationship even worth trying to preserve or even trying to take into the future because a lot of times it is really not as you know people's flesh is talking and that carnality is coming out and so you can't really be objective when you're sleeping with somebody yeah that's very good that's very good and I know that it's getting late too so if if you ladies have to jump off that's completely fine but you know those were great answers because I know that there's like a question in here where she's asking about the saying that they want to do it right but I really think just to put together what was just shared is that you know what your flesh has to die and you have to be willing to say okay look at the relation

Channel: Gina Barcourt B!rkoo

Views: 4,032

Keywords: dr matthew stevenson 3rd, labryant friend, phineka friend, all nations chicago, relationships, all nations worship assembly, kamilah stevenson, natasha miller, real talk kim, deceived webinar, february 22 2018, gina barcourt, gee renee, married and young, saved and single, christian singles, christian dating, christian marriage, Kim Pothier

Id: wrAWV9U8d_s

Length: 100min 1sec (6001 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 28 2018