Apostle Matthew & Dr. Kamilah Stevenson What Do Men Really Want? 2-14-18 Sex Toys, Alcohol, Dating

hey everybody happy Valentine's Day [Music] I just wonder hey what's up Facebook let everybody know we're on here let's go let's make it good what's up everybody alright so from what I can see we're about a thousand hey Chandra we're about a thousand and one or one point one K alright come I say love when we scope together it's normally always her idea hey Michael Hathaway apostle oh hey all right we're on let me make sure let's see the line right go ahead and share this let everybody know we're on this is my wife's idea so I don't know what to prepare for I'm just gonna answer Kyle how are you Lloyd I miss you so much I'm coming to the Bahamas we got to spend some time when I'm down there yeah hey Marva what's up everybody share this share this share this share this share this share this and share this some more yes we are live tonight with the Stevenson's and we don't do very many of these but when we do they get very they go viral very quickly so let's go ahead and make this happen this is my wife's project answer she was sexist no war round yeah yes we need to find out what y'all really think all right um so what we're gonna do is this is this is how this is gonna go I collect it I'm a woman so I pretty much know some of the questions that need to be asked for men to get their ideas on what they're looking for in a woman some of the questions that women may have some of these questions are from questions I collected um some that I just came up with and I'm going to be looking for questions that you may have where you would like to know a sober typical godly man's response to some of those questions and I want it to be real I want it to be transparent about the juicy fam I hope nobody gets offended they always be everyone Jimmy's it'll matter what the truth is let me prompt you and say this men and women think very differently very true and a woman cannot force a man to think the way she would so the way a man would answer some of these questions are totally different from the way a woman would answer them and we're not limiting this to you know maybe what a woman would think about some things so feel free to explore but I did choose to allow women to get some of these questions answered because I think that women typically have the biggest issues when it comes to relationship the biggest question mark I don't know why it is it's just women I believe there's more women in the world than men first of all so there's an overpopulation of women and there's not enough men as we all say and so we're always trying to figure out what is how I'm in thinking and how you know what is it that we need to know to have a healthy relationship and so really whether you marry serve them in whether you single be found by a man the proper way so I tip I know men have these issues too with finding women but I feel like women go a little bit longer I'm sorry men have these problems it just seems like they don't last forever you know they like I'm looking for a woman and they're like a year later they marry and women are like in their 40s and 50s and just you know 15 20 years I'm still waiting you know so I know sometime they wind up with questions like why what what's going on so we're gonna address all of that and again it's not limiting you can find out what women think you can find out what men think we both represent separate ideas all patterns and yeah I'm gonna ask somebody's question we're gonna be very very very very very very honest we will be very sober and very objective so yeah take notes and listen I want you to know too I pretty much agree with a lot of his stuff he says and maybe because I don't know what I'm gonna say but a lot of things that a lot of ways that men feel I've accepted it because it's just the dynamics of how God created men to think and I have lost the the need to be controlling so controlling that I want a man to think like a woman um so I probably agree with a lot of the stuff he says I'll chime in from my perspective from research from top of the men and things like that but I'm also going to try my best to play the devil's advocate on behalf of women so yeah we are right here yeah you know like I said throw some questions out I'll be trying to catch them some of the more juicy ones and I know we probably won't be able to get through everything but we are open to also doing like a part 2 to continue to address some of these issues with relationships happy Valentine's Day all right so here is I'm gonna start off going just go ahead and start off with your ooh do I got a few questions written down here oh you got notes now I've gotten quite question bambo you got a whole yeah I have a bunch of questions and I'm gonna be collecting some from here too I'll be looking to see what I can see all right all right here's one question here and I would we would like to know on behalf of the National Women okay what if you have a guy who loves certain qualities about you but he doesn't love everything about you meaning like he may think that you are man you know she's generous she's caring she takes good care of my kids she helps me out a lot whatever she does but I'm not sure if I'm physically attracted to her so he loves he loves you and he loves most of you but there's this one thing that won't make him I guess commit to you completely or totally secure the back when it comes to you so before I answer like can you give me a can you give me a scenario like are we already committed are we like flirting around and I just won't fully commit where we get with this or is this like I potentially like everything about you and I have not committed yet we're not dating yet we we are dating but it's clear that you feel like there's something missing like physically like you know maybe I need to lose a little weight it's just you not you not a hundred percent you'll come right out the door swing guy yeah I really am and we'll dab a little bit more into that actually okay so here's I'm gonna answer and I guess it's may delve off into some other stuff it is the general general consensus of most men that we are visual and we are we tend to be less forgiving of things that don't physically attract us than women are women are also visual and the myth that they are not is is obviously a fallacy but men are drawn by the mind ii unfortunately we are created and we are drawn by what we see so what happens is if we don't like what we see but we feel guilty about the quality of woman you are the traits you have will linger around you know to start engaging with the the invisible parts of a woman but it is very unlikely and if we don't like what we see that we're going to stay ok but or commit because what we've done is we have we have made you a sister right we have kind of people buddy but well what but should a man pass up a really good woman I mean this woman has great values she has the same you know vision that you have the same values you have financially spiritually you know she will make a good woman you know she will make a good mother she's already perhaps doing certain things that show those qualities she's very supportive she's very affirming but maybe she is a little overweight should a man and and maybe he's not physically try but should he really walk away from a situation like that when he really do have a good woman yes he should okay and that's a very controversial verse to answer his wife okay his ability to recognize that she is a good woman does not make her a good woman for him so what's gonna happen is they may be able to build a relationship for the first several months off of their intellectual equality their emotional equality all of the goodness about her and here's where the tension is gonna come when something better than her pops up his eyes is gonna roam and his heart his heart is gonna roam and he's going to end up almost feeling like he's been put in a prison sentence to stay with a woman that that did not appeal with him and and shout out to big girls I mean I'm not trying to be funny they're people who like they go women know I know if a man feels forced to be with a woman he's not going to bring him whole self there and unfortunately if you don't have the physical component in addition to the other elements that may make her attractive they're going to at some point probably not at the beginning at the beginning you know it's the top of the year they just get saved whatever at the beginning they'll stick around but if it's not really what they want then when what they want shows up in the form of somebody else is gonna put a lot of pressure upon that but I want to balance that and say that it is also a fallacy to assume that men don't want depth I think what happens is that because people know that men are visual and are physical that means that we are surficial and superficial and that's not true men actually won't depth I also know that they're women who are very very very superficial I know for example you you have a lot of women it is equally as superficial to be drawn to a woman because of how she looks for a woman to be drawn to a man because of how much money he makes irrespective of how he looks or where he is so both genders are very superficial men just get it real hard because I think we're a bit more flagrant with our superficial Mis okay so I know for women we are we are you know we like a nice-looking man but I think that emotionally if we wind up in an emotional attachment to a guy even if he doesn't look the way we want him to but he starts to treat us really well and and take care of us we will fall for a man who we weren't originally attracted to is that something that could happen for a man to I think it has happened to me but for me it's always a risk on the masculine side of things okay because you have to refer the rest of our lives men are gonna be in a war with their eyes if they don't have anything that engages them it is men are at war their eyes forever and so if they don't have anything that they like to look at then they are we are bombarded with options TV sports just our culture is so just intrinsically sexual that there's gonna be a competition and he may or may not cheat right but to wander and to roam and to acknowledge his manhood above his husband obligations is very probable if you don't like it are there like signs that you know when you're in a relationship you know sometimes a man will sometimes a man will get you know in a relationship with a woman but know that he's not fully there because it's something physically he he doesn't is there are there signs to watch out for if it's like you realize okay he's not that into me he's not that attracted to me yeah things that that a man does what are some of those signs that you can watch out for that a woman in a relationship with a man who maybe you know got her there for companion's sake or whatever because she's I don't know supportive or emotionally supportive or whatever but he knows in the back his head I'm not really that attractive is that what are the signs to look for in that there's probably about eight or nine and I know that I want to go into all eight or nine but I would say for most foremost among them is going to be this man if he is looking for a way now and this is if he's a good man if he's a dog he's not gonna you know I'm saying I need much to get out right if he's a good man who is at war with his guilt right about the fact that he does not like that part of you then he's just gonna be full of excuses his that that's gonna be the number-one sign why would I going out as often an excuse why you don't seem as interested as you used to be an excuse why are you not as pursuant as you used to be because initially at the beginning of at the beginning of a relationship it can run off of excitement right but after the excitement wanes and what you got is commitment and commitment comes you know I'm saying after that initial that initial excitement I got a woman stuff right what you're gonna notice if he if he if he honestly does not want you he's just gonna throw you a bunch of excuses yeah you're just gonna notice consistent excuses for a sudden or sometimes not so sudden change okay does he it is it possible for him because why give all the excuses why not just break the relationship off and move because equally women are are afraid of not fine the right man or being without one men are also generally very fearful of being with the wrong one so we will hold you before only oh right yeah until we get the right one just to guarantee that we didn't we're not making a wrong mistake why and if they're Christian here's what the Christian plans do because I've counseled them to Christian players do this they'll go on to that foolishness god knows what I need even though it's not what I want so God be like you know the Lord sent me exactly what I need ladies please pay attention to that foolishness when men start feeding stuff like that God gave me exactly what I need right I understand it and that may even be true to some degree but if it is not what you want you know that's their theology if we're gonna call it that for being forced by the Spirit of God or whatever convict Christian convictions to stay in a relationship they don't necessarily want to be in why is he pursuing her if he doesn't really want her number of reasons it depends on the season of life but I in my experience men in their 20s do it differently the minute and 30s minute 30 is doing differently for a minute if 47 people who have been married do it differently for people who have not been married people with kids do it differently what I find is that they will pursue them sometimes out of curiosity okay sometimes it's out of boredom okay and they would be lying to you if they tell you that they don't date out of boredom sometimes if men feel underachieved or an aqua or unoccupied they'll do it out of boredom I mean I saw was another guy say to then he will pass her up if he just if she's a good woman in so I guess that's that's the thing like that it it's not a shallow thing it's just that you you all are visible visible creatures now can I go into this what happens when you do marry her and you were a try nobody Howard you before yeah you were attracted to her maybe she have a baby maybe some years past maybe she didn't have a baby um she gets bigger are we gonna make this Holgersson no I'm just gonna no I mean I got other questions but this is a real legit a question that you know I I'm wondering you know if I get if I gain a hundred pounds if I gain 50 pounds you can be honest what are we what now I'm not gaining 50 100 pounds cuz I I don't I won't want myself to be like I'm not used to that you know there are more problems than like like you know unless you know it's a medical problem or something but I don't want to but and I think some women look beautiful we wait on them but what happens when you are in a relationship and you love that person right what do you do then you're in covenant yeah you know you're in a covenant at that point um and I'm probably gonna answer this from like a non-traditional okay angle I think at that point what you really do have is an honesty problem okay um because in the event and we're just gonna put out there then you gain 150 pounds the way our relationship and our candor is set up I would tell you you to being mm-hmm I love you but we're not going to be sleeping together but a lot of relationships are not set up to promote that degree of honesty well I don't think that's a weight issue I think that's an honesty issue okay I think that a man or a woman should be honest with because women also have challenges with men who get big out of nowhere losing himself problem is when they hide that what you really have is a relationship that blocks right honesty I would just be very honest okay and and see some women would actually some wives would actually get offended at asking their husband like what would happen if I gained 50 100 pounds I'm gonna fight you with this do you love me yes but I don't like you right like you know what you so you ain't gonna love me no more after all I don't have three kids and deserve the right to you know I appreciate you know the honesty here's what I think I think that there has to be a balance because when that does happen you know what happens when it is a kid or when she starts to have a thyroid problem or you know like what when is there when is there some level of sensitivity can a man meditate his mind into you know I don't know maybe it's not let me I have an anomaly better predict you me know you can be op thats and I want to know is not is it's not his mind we worried about it other parts that's not gonna work I can't I don't get you Jesus I love my wife I love my wife but women it's just they're the other parts of me it's function well okay for me but there are other and and most men may agree last minute in like you know different bodies in like I think the real problem is not weight gain its conversation okay we should have the woman when we took vows that talked about for better for worse and all of that stuff then we're not saying that we're just gonna tolerate all this stuff a lot of that stuff needs to be talked through right you understand what I'm saying so if you gain weight I gained weight I think the problem comes when there's an initial silence so you don't wake up and gain weight in 24 hours right I think the problem is conversation you know I don't think relationships are as honest as they need to be I don't think they start trying to protect each other's feelings and I think what happens is they end up in a disaster and my biggest problems with anything not just weight whatever something you want is going to show up that's going to appeal to you and if you have not given your spouse that honesty or your made that honesty did you're gonna act on it particularly if you're not a crucified man or a woman I think I will be okay if you gained 75 pounds no more than that you told me to stop gaining weight now just so that I'm like just so y'all don't think that this is about skinny people versus overweight people my wife does not want me to gain weight I started getting big and I thought it was amazing and be transparent I laid on her one day to kiss her and she said oh this is too much weight on me so she told me I was too big and I'm I'm 180 right now it's the largest I've ever been she told me to stop so yeah I think he's at a great weight right now so but I'm honest which is all about honesty and and and it's not just about you know I think he's hitting on a really important crucial topic in any relationship which is that somebody I bet you a woman somebody autumn I said in the Bible women this is why y'all say i'ma tell you what's goin on y'all are not sober enough to have an emotional conversation so you want to use some so is that that's not love that's attraction you wouldn't know good he won't listen to how different God made us you wanna fight us through our differences is that a Bible people don't have to have Bible for what they taxi is lady I don't have Bible for the type of woman on like you ain't got Bible for the type of man you like it's what church ladies are crazy is that in the Bible it's not people know we're different in personality too my wife is a lot nicer I'm not really nice person no I think maybe about six smells six or seven years ago I would be offended by this information as a matter of fact there were conversations everything everything but there were there were conversations I believe I remember being there where there were a panel of men talking about how they think and how they feel about women and some women got offended by it just because of some of the things that men were saying and maybe about five six years ago I'd be I'd be very offended by some of the stuff that men say but I have accepted the way that God has allowed you guys to know somebody say what if a man's parts don't work should you check out yes [Laughter] well are we talking marriage what do we win I gotta let me let's go to your list are we are we talking marriage No no I mean you know I've learned to just accept how god I do think some men can be a bit much about this stuff but I think honesty is very important I think that there needs to be more conversation about honesty because I think women do get offended by touch touchy subjects like this and that's why I wanted to address them what qualities in a woman immediately turns a man off besides physical things it depends okay it depends on what type of man okay I think that some of these answers are not going to be clear-cut because I'm assuming that this is a this is what the assumption that the man is astute like he has clarity on where he's going um he has his own professional stuff to him some need me give me that one more time some qualities that in a woman that turns a man off like maybe a desperate maybe she I think for the most part and a lot of this is generalized men typically don't like very aggressive women okay there are women who were cutthroat you know and who were direct but to be pursuant is almost an automatic alarm um when when it comes to most men now there are some men particularly men who have been feminized and who have been raised by all women who are used to women taking care of them and babying them and coddling them they may be more forgiving of a very aggressive woman but it by and large I think women men are one of them is too aggressive somebody said a loudmouth bad attitude controlling acting like his mother [Music] now know you talked a minute ago about well women are emotional so I don't know that an emotional woman is not enough to turn a man I think it's more so yeah well but if you dirty did a clean man it's not gonna come for you you're gonna find somebody equally as dirty okay wondering okay loud and aggressive would they come out sexless marriages Boyd oh please don't get me started on that okay this would make them sound like the crap out okay yeah we actually we can talk about that um but let me ask this before we get to that that's pretty juicy how long should a woman date a man whoo no I'm telling don't make me do this oh I am how long should a make a woman date a man who doesn't who loses a job and is not working like say he lose his job and okay cool you lost your job but how long should this go on you know like can this go on eight months where he's saying I've been looking I just saying I don't have you know how long should this last could it be possible that a man could lose a job for a whole year and not have any source of income and it'd be legit and you still want to love him should she know we are we talking about dating or we tell my marriage dating and dating in a day business I'll say in a dating instance first and then in a marriage instance so in a marital instance I think that we're dealing with different rules okay in a dating scenario you want to use that as an extreme learning opportunity because if a man is comfortable with the fact that he is jobless he is communicating much more than that to you right I don't know that you should wait if this guy is not being assertive about finding a way to take care take care of himself then he's showing you that in the event of a life crisis he's not gonna be as passionate about taking care of you I would say three to four months max before you've moved on and that's assuming that he is generally a good guy but to any degree it should never go to eight months to a year because what you're showing is that you are so willing to support him even in his lack of whatever that you will put yourself behind and how long should it if you are dating a man and you guys are you know in a relationship and it's a discussed relationship you all are both on the same page as that but he has not asked you to marry him how long should a woman wait for a man well I can't dare variables I think age matters okay um I think I'm assuming that this is for Christians yeah you know we'll assume is for in a Christian setting um although after like you can cross boundaries my opinion is this if you've been together this is my opinion mm-hmm so I ain't got when if you start having anniversaries ladies our first year anniversary our second year anniversary and there has been no commitment to war marriage I honestly believe you've wasted your time okay so I don't think my opinion is I don't really know that people should date longer than a year without some direction toward marriage it's me I'd like a year paced without sexual activity without the crossing of boundaries where you were your objectivity is skewed I personally think a year okay when when you date in two years and there is no direction towards marriage you've wasted two it is unlikely that he's gonna do what he wants to do okay men are generally impulsive age matters because psychologically men change when you turn 30 something happens to you right when you are 25 some happens to you when you are in certain career changes something happens to you I personally think no woman should waste their time talking to a man longer than a year if it is their attention to be married what about that girl out there who has been in several relationships she's a good girl but nobody wants to marry her like every relationship ends up in you that person not being the one to get married or to be asked to be married are there some things that maybe she needs to look into or is it couldn't legitimately be just a situation where it's just all the wrong guys I don't know you know you could be you know the thing is is because I don't I really believe and we've seen it in our own church there is legit somebody for everybody everybody you know I think we may be dealing with an honesty thing again you know generally speaking when when when men date women they are taking notes whether or not they're being honest about their perceptions outside of the context of an argument is beyond you know we don't know right but they're taking notes and I think that sometimes men just need to be very honest about their findings now if after the third guy the findings are consistent and these are adjustments that the woman may need to make because me and however different are probably going to run into the same types of issues that a woman asks we're we're we're engaging that area of your life so or your womanhood rather so yeah I think they should know or sometime it may just be the wrong types of people that they're choosing yeah okay now let's let's go into this because I know that in marriage there's a lot of women who makes more money than the man that's a big deal and find themselves almost being more of the provider or you know how do you make that right if he makes less or if he's kinda wants her to contribute to the the bills and that demand is on her to contribute is that something that a one at what point at marriage while they're married okay give me the scenario homework okay here's like a scenario you know she she she makes more money than him right I a marriage in marriage okay she makes more money to him maybe he doesn't make as much so when they're paying bills and doing things she's pretty much she has to carry that burden because her job pays more than he is and like if she gets fired and he's not able to provide for the house then is she really being the provider because she makes more should he look for a second job when that burden is placed on a woman should it be placed should he settle if he's not making more like is that I ma'am I just have to like these are really strong questions my opinion is this I don't think a man should ever be comfortable with a woman having more burdens than he does okay so I'm gonna put that out there I don't think when you think about the differences between men and women I just don't think that they are meant to bear the burden of the provision or the direction of a house in detail the functionality I totally get it but when a man is comfortable with allowing a woman to carry the burden and the weight of a house something is wrong with him okay and if a woman allows herself to function in that way something is also wrong with her I think the healthy thing for that man to do would be to create ways to alleviate the burden from that woman because here's the hard truth you know we live in a culture that is absolutely ruined and mutated the feminine role and women buy and are very much so they're so busy trying to compete with men and trying to be like their counterparts that I think they've abandoned the power of femininity and the power of what it is to be a female influence and people get upset with me for these views but I just think that I'm a traditionalist in the sense that I think the greater burden and then they brought the weightier matters of a house financial directional should be upon a man because I didn't think we were created to handle more we were not created to carry kids and most women are better with the details of the day-to-day houses but the weightier burdens of a home should always be upon that man okay so so you you think that if if this is the case and it's been the case for quite some time where the woman is making more money and almost like if something happened to her they they might not be able to pay their bills he should not be comfortable with that he should try to at least even if he's not making as much money it's okay but that's this should be something that's been going on for the last five years like he should create some kind of place because the part first of all I don't first of all first of all I don't think that anybody man wanting boy or girl should be making the same amount of money for over two years I think if you're not getting promoted if you're not finding more money making power then I think you have stagnated period somehow professionally you have stagnated somehow into personally your network has not changed so that degree of comfort is dangerous to any relationship because again what you're doing is compromising the future you should be making more money every year that has been the story of every healthy man every relationship I know because other than that if the man or the woman feels stuck then the marriage or the relationship is destined to end up collapsing somehow relationships are for movement and for momentum so I personally think that he should have been already looking for ways to make more money to expand their ability to expand their purchasing power and their saving power if you're making the same amount of money for five years you have not created a retirement you probably do not have investments you probably have no planning for kids so I personally think it should be just discussing is a strong word it should be alarming as a better term for a man to not be making more money annually because of what they're not doing and I and I think that's above and beyond what you do for your job you need to be figuring out ways to broaden their reach and the experience the lifestyle of your family and a lot of people do not do that so it does end up being that if the woman gets hurt so goes that so do you feel like so no house whole period should ever be struggling for five years oh no because at that point baby there's not a struggle that's a lifestyle okay no that's not a struggle somebody that is the man's job to turn that house that would the woman is the enhancer she is the recipient of seed the recipient of vision and she supposed me the cultivator of a direction that that man is determined but unfortunately because the type of men women let choose them women end up having to be the brains behind the whole operation and then complain when they find a man or they realize or have accepted that their husband can't lead them they started the relationship not leading you so what happens is you get into it because of how he looks because it's convenient or because y'all knew each other and then you find out that the guy has no life direction in in year two and you want to compare him to your pastor or compare him to somebody else that has direction you know the problem is how it started there's a fundamental issue and how we date and one of them is that women have not thoroughly scoped out the leadership and the directional potential of that man Wow no I think that's excellent I think it's excellent because even if you don't make the type of money you when we met I wouldn't make the type of money right but you have vision I had direction and I was going and I need you for that no I need you to enhance what I was doing or what I wanted indecision in men should be always alarming you've always that that's one thing that I think is a quality trait of manhood is decided and it's the ability to make a decision and stick with it and when you end up marrying an indecisive man it's going to end up panning out in more ways than one yeah I mean I remember you know when I when I married my husband we both were working I had a job and at the time I wanted to actually help out with with everything and my husband told me no I don't want you now I'm not saying that this is the story for everyone or should be I know when you're just getting married you probably need to put your money together and figure out the best budget but I remember him saying I'm going to pay all the bills because if something ever happens to you when I'm pregnant you then we're going to live I knew that was gonna happen he's like I don't want our household to crumble because you're knocked up pregnant and you're sick somewhere and now your income isn't there and that was he had caused a community that actually happened and we had no way to know that that we may be his profession yeah I don't know but it happened with my second son and I actually got on bed ridden didn't tire pregnancy from about I don't know 18 weeks up into the end I was sick the first four months I probably had about two good weeks and then I got on bed rest from a placental abruption so it actually and and I could not work during that time so my money was extra money in the house and we utilized it doing extra stuff like saving and buying furniture or taking vacations but my income did not go towards the bills because he didn't want something to happen where I couldn't work for whatever reason and then now we are struggling financially so he wanted to make sure that whatever he was doing he from the very beginning and that's I think while I was easy for him because in the beginning he put the entire burden on him and anything that I made was extra and was good the icing on the cake maybe we can say more whatever and that's just kind of how we one thing the Brillion we counsel couples like this all the time it is so important when you're going into marriage I was trying to hours just set up I was trying to prove I was trying to prove to her that I did not need her to live I wanted her to live and there is a difference if my wanting to be with her or my choice to date her was out of need my car notice behind my Ridge is not behind I can't get through school I need you to co-sign for this crap then what's gonna happen is I'm going to strain and pull her into a maternal role and I didn't want to marry my mother so I made sure that I lived in such a way that whoever I married and when she came in she fit perfectly for the way I designed my own life I don't need you I want you I am surviving I know where I'm going I know what I'm doing I know what I want and I want who you are but I'm not gonna build my life around and my manhood life my professional career my educational stuff around your presence in my life and that's a difference some people do get married because they need to get married they're overwhelmed with life they're overwhelmed with birds and all of that another that's really healthy yeah now and I would take a couple of qat also [Music] it's just real like real questions and I'm you know again I've been catching some stuff sexless marriages we got one have that ain't gonna happen no we get it on there marriages that don't have enough sex um either from the woman's standpoint or the man's standpoint what do you what do you think about that when someone comes and say hey you know we not having sex for you know three months at a time or you know a year or you know what do you feel about marriages that they're they're not engaging in sexual relations but then I don't think they marry okay I mean like how do you want me answer that very tall I have very strong opinions about sexless marriages for whatever reason I feel like I'm continually hitting this honesty issue I feel like somebody is not being honest or and if somebody is being honest or somebody is being negligent okay if you are not having sex and I mean regular sex whatever that looks like for your marriage then you have an issue that is not a sex issue um even if you're not having good sex and one of the spouses don't know what they're doing then the real issue is somebody's not being honest about what they like what they don't like what they want what they don't want all of that I personally think that sex should be just you know that's a black people couples are very dysfunctional you know they are generally okay we're talking about everything but their sex life and I think you should talk about sex just like you talk about bills just like you talk about what the kids are wearing just like you talking about all of it if I need something I'm going to do we're going to make that a matter of conversation we're going to have a meeting about it and and the reverse is also true so I just think we approach it without having to make it a matter of conversation and then that it becomes a disturbing pattern where you've gone one month two months three months and now it's a matter of life that y'all or not being sexually evolved they tie my erectile disfunction could be but if if you have physical or health issues then people need to talk about that and be honest and upfront with that but I what about a so if a man is having erectile dysfunction and he doesn't do anything about it what what should the woman do if he's not addressing it and they're maybe they do try but he's not able to perform like how long should a woman deal with something like that without him you know men don't like going to the doctor they don't like I mean it may be an embarrassing thing I don't know a machism that's a hard place I'm not a woman like because not like he's holding anything back it's he just need to get surgery or replacement or right but what if he doesn't what if he just doesn't address it and you're just constantly having to deal with this as a woman if he doesn't address it yeah you just you know he's not honestly think that's grounds for separation okay and I want to put that out there because if what you're dealing with is a brutal restriction on your intimacy on two levels sexual and communica Tori like we cannot talk about this if you avoid this if I can't tell you that this is a problem for me or this is your I think this is a real honesty issue but if if a man is not physically able to perform sexually and will not go get treated or won't be assertive amount about making sure the Bible talks about being a kept woman remember that uh one met a lady what take them to the elders for healing so that thing has got to work in the context of marriage and if it does not they you need to get medical treatment you know right because when you when you live let me do something when you live in a house with an uncapped woman mm-hmm whether she's not kept because of cancer or diabetes or physical challenges or whatever that woman is going to start to change and that change in that woman is going to affect the quality of that relationship right I think it is the man Zuri's possibility I think it's the woman's responsibility to communicate yo I'm frustrated is the irritate me right and I think is the man's responsibility to take it from there and go get him some I believe that something you know I think I think there's sex and even be honest and say since we're having a real conversation about it and orgasms in something healthy for her hormones like film release like you know it's the truth you know for Mary people it's the truth you know and we just and we're talking the truth but if a woman is not able to have that and experience that then she is gonna change something is you know she's gonna be frustrated so hello how long should you know you you're in a relationship for example now now we're going back to not just him having a erectile dysfunction but maybe him or her not engaging in sexual activity she's not giving it up how long does or he's not giving it how long do somebody wait it's six months what do I do do I have grounds to start to I don't want to be you know cuz people are gonna sound by this is I'm gonna say what I would do okay at six months downtown with my money make sure you not going to a six-month sexual abstinence without talking to us because I'm not gonna be reminded about I'm just so I'm just saying what I would do some of you people are way too forgiving uh let me tell you something that is a form of abuse if it's if it's within that man's power to control or to do something about it that is abusive Wow to me I would rather you smacked me in my face and we get into a physical altercation than to say I'm not getting down for six months it is the same exact I'm just being honest that's abuse to know you need to have the cops called yeah no I agree I couldn't I couldn't have okay um ya'll said no bag like you nothing wrong no sir no we just in a bed at night looking up the Stars uh-uh no God shall we is good I will probably angry I will probably be angry or angry woman okay so last question and can you a divorce for abandonment someone saying it the Bible save the unbelieving depart let him depart so it just depends on what you think abandonment is yeah um you're dating somebody they are legitimately separated or going through a divorce from their spouse maybe the divorce has happened and you know sometimes divorces can take years but they wind up dating somebody else is that it is if the divorce hasn't happened and it's been four or five years because maybe there's a fight or whatever should that person not date anybody or not and get into or get involved in a relationship scripturally alright I know that's a real thing yeah because people yeah but I I always think it's dangerous I understand that there are people who do that but I always and they do it out of loneliness and sometimes even to cope with the effects of a difficult or complicated divorce right but I think that you're still married and I'm always very cautious about that because of the principle of sowing and reaping I think that you're gonna reap what you sow in one way or some form you've got to be real careful about invest in yourself with a man or a woman that's not done with their former lives so I think you should just not date until they are divorced okay cool well um I did get out I didn't get out all the questions but I did get out some of the questions that was heavily-armed on the heart of women and just kind of wanted you to go yes we've been married for 13 years yes this year did I have any thought I saw a couple last-minute questions but I just wanted to get your you know your responses to some of these so there's some of the women can hear again from a man's perspective and you know you guys are very delicous sad that people think that men don't want depth I think the weight like they really think that we want hips and thighs and stuff and we do right but men also want conversation okay and when women Christian women in particular live or act or talk as if men are only physical no it's not the way only physical we're first physical but they're men who really do want depth and if you are engaging with men who don't want depth then there is a problem with where you're finding them or where they're finding you or the type of man you're getting men do want conversation men want to be understood men want to be supported and all of those are relational issues so I don't think that it's fair to label men as shallow because I know a tremendous amount of man saved an unsaved who actually still want death they want conversation sometimes on their own terms but conversation on the lease somebody say can you do this every week well look we have on what we did was we put up a link on periscope and Facebook live for the conference TOS C 2018 conference that is coming up that's going to deal just with learning about from different aspects from finance to soul issues we'll be talking about getting healed from mother and father wounds me and my husband are actually gonna do that that workshop that seminar on how to get healed from mother and father wounds because these are all things that affect getting into relationships it actually affects the way you look for a the way you know some of the desperate things that women do some of the ungodly things that that men do to settle for women so we're gonna be hitting all of that we're gonna be dealing with some generational things and just um just allowing you to have the education that you need because knowledge is important when it comes on to relationships a lot of people they will study everything else their study investments their study whatever the topic is that they want to study but a lot of people will not they leave it up to their own experience or what they mama did or what they friends doing or just whatever their inward pleasures are to make decisions based off relationships so this conference is going to help to teach women how to properly be found and to teach men how to know how to look on for godly wife because things don't end wrong they start wrong and if you don't start off with education you'll find yourself in the world of trouble and it is misery when you wind up in a bad relationship so here's what we did on and we'll be speaking at this conference we put the link up and whoever gets or whoever signs up for the conference through our particular link they will get a book from us that we have written and it is not a book that will be given to the public I know last year when when we did this everybody keeps even now emailing me about that book but it's only being released for those who signed up for the link and and so we're going to give away that ebook for free and the name of the book and and we don't talk about y'all think this is something we give some real intimate detailed information in this book and we do not hold anything back what he or she will never tell you that's the name of it what he or she will never tell you the raw truth about love sex and marriage so we deal with the this whole honesty thing that that's underneath the layers of relationships we pull them out and we talk about the very thing that most people are too scared to talk about in a relationship because like you said they too busy trying to protect the other person or protect their feelings or whatever and so and so we help you to process through these how to look for the signs and if you identify yourself as one of those people who need to be honest we tell you how to take to approach the situation so that you can bring things to the table so that you can better your relationships and so the only people who will get this book is those who sign up through our link bit that leaf forward slash learn to love yes it's on the title bi t dot ly somebody can put it up bi t dot ily forward slash learn to love the number two learn to love bi t dot ly forward slash learn to to love learn to love yes some people have put it up so if you check out that link just check it out got some amazing things that's gonna be covered on the conference and I'm listen I'm excited I can't wait to talk about these mother wounds I know he's gonna slam the father wounds but I can't wait to talk about these mother father guys I have a father's heart so it's a big deal to me some of these issues that we've put as father wounds our mother wounds too and so I look forward to talking about that he lives forward to dealing with these father wounds but there's a plethora of information that you'll learn from it and so we will I'm going to continue to collect more questions collect more information more information and we'll we'll I know with us information and and we'll do some reversing friends with an ex no talk to any of my exes they were all in my pain if they ever show up at church you better tell me something that promise to God they've not none of my I some ammonia but women of men are different man generally don't invite themselves into stuff like that yeah I didn't date that many people actually but I appreciate you saying that but what I'm going to tell you is that if any one of them ever show up right I'm doing I don't even know how they looked at this point good yeah I bet not found out I'm not so yep so I won't continue to collect some questions I love this this this talk of honesty I love this research when I think about um be friends with exes no I don't I don't think it's safe you know and then you know even on top of that we don't have secluded like opposites or opposite sex friendship meaning he doesn't have like friends that he run off with and do lunch with by themself I don't know if you beautiful you don't have a friend that's not my friend you you are friend but you're not just gonna be his friend as a woman then what one female friend not as many Bethel away we're friends with aren't you yeah we're we're married couple friends you know we're afraid I can talk to the husband he can talk to the wife but we're all in relationship but it's not a secluded thing where I don't have any male friends where where they're not attached to the both of us either and you know I have no male friends no and the one you had he liked men so you have to tell me that the point is is I wouldn't worried about him he won't you know sorry but you know um but no we and and some people think that strict and it's not strict is just boundaries these are things that you put in place to be preventive because is it what if they eggs joys then what oh man that's I guess it can be weird you know you just got to make sure you completely over them cuz that no weird yo and go to a different service if she started coming to 10:30 then you go to 8:00 yeah not yeah being friends with exes that's just a setup it's a boundary issue and if you're trying to make sure that things you know let me tell you something innocent good people fall into bad traps because of a lack of boundaries nah it ain't about somebody you know like you not trusting necessarily but you know things can the lines could get bluer very quick you can be in a volunteer and if you got those boundaries out of out of whack then you could set yourself up for some some danger in the future so it's a it's about its and what you layin either X's join all nations me I wouldn't care as long as they have no no they ain't trying to get to him like you know cuz you know women are slick you know how women can be they sleep I need to talk to you know it ain't like elda BJ or somebody else some another elder in this church so no you know and the same is true I'm not meeting with some X that come from you know no you know it's not gonna happen listen now y'all know how women can be women are slick and influential and seductive what about as a pastor having a single admin I don't think that's a problem again it's about boundaries is this a single admin where y'all up in the room together by y'all selves with the door closed all the time and nobody knows what's happening you know it doesn't matter if you have a you know a lot of people have single admins or single people working around them and stuff but again you just got to put the parameters in place he doesn't go in a room with women and close the door you know why because women alight on you too you know you don't know women can get really crazy especially if they got a secret attachment you don't know you wind up closing the door and then they come out and say you rape them it stay against yours this is these are true story lives so is to protect again the pastor's to protect you I'm not going in a room closing some door with some friend or some single man you know without you know some parameters in place cuz you're not gonna say i winked and blew a kiss at you so mm-hmm yes and D okay well just get ugly get ugly way just like I told him if we get a house people it ain't gonna be mighty ya ain't gonna be 25 euro Maria no it's gonna be BAM it's gonna be 69 Yas like you're not gonna like be around here like no this is real y'all seen the hey these are real they are no I'm not getting if you if you a housekeeper you come up in here and you mm-hmm cuz I gotta trust you in the house with my husband back about him and I don't want you it ain't him I don't trust women can be I don't know you know you ya know some i think this lady's that she'd been saved 25 years in a virgin you need birthday right she say what would you tell her she's waiting on us bouncing ha how old is she I don't know she there's been saved 25 years she's still a virgin oh I think that's amazing um Mabel well 25 years I don't when you say 25 years I don't know how old you are but I mean I would continue to love and enjoy myself and my single life somebody be honest it can be very discouraging yes when people want relationship it just you know we end up have there is nothing there is not one sentence for people who are waiting on spouses it can be very discouraging but I would just say it's better to wait than to settle and a lot of people settle because they're just tired of waiting but sometimes waiting has really really really good mother down five benefits to it it can you know you honestly you yeah I mean it takes a lot of meditation to be single that long but you cannot look at the negatives or I want I want I want because you'll find your place yourself in a place of being dissatisfied and unhappy with the life that you're living and there's so much to be joyful about when it comes to the life that you're living and so it's how long do you think so much being gauged I don't think more than a year I think a year is Animax engage because you gonna set yourself up to be tempted if you love somebody and you ready to marry them you go longer than a year y'all might wind up falling into and then you give it too much time to change your mind um you know any you know so that it winds up not working out probably most of the time and because it you don't get serious enough and really start to put forth that intentional effort to make this relationship work if we're going longer than a year so I think a year is is the longest I would tell somebody to be engaged especially if you're attracted to them but then do you like stay in a relationship because there are people who call it the marriage and then stay in a relationship I think you did move on I definitely do because if he ain't ready to engage already and he ain't ready to say all non woman you ain't going nowhere I mean when we are let's just plan this now then something about it has maybe shifted it's a massive integrity issue yeah integrity lady eloise look they still going with this house-made stuff I'm telling you save women have a sugar daddy a sugar daddy that's sugar daddy gonna want some sugar laughter Wow good you ready to get some sugar - sugar daddy no I don't want some sister get some sugar decision yes called a prostitute then you send yourself up to be this in the position of a glorify process oh is it perversion for a married couple to use toys in a bare room you psychology is even go you go look at the screaming not answer that toys when you say toys what kind of toys you know what are the toys this is what I think I think sometimes when people get to UM say man I'm st. if I will give my and then we can exit out I'll make sure you sign up for that school please um I think this is my personal opinion I know it's some freaks out there all right I don't know what kind of toys but you ain't bout to be bringing nothing no nothing crazy up in here I think that a lot of times that's why I am gonna take a screen shot or do come on I think a lot of times too many objects and toys and things that you're using in the bed chambers to try to spice up your marriage can actually work against the level of intimacy that a couple can establish together what about handcuffs I'm not against I'm not against having I'm not against having a little oh okay I'm not against that at all what I'm saying is that there are people who they have to use certain things in order to bring order to bring themselves and what you what you teach yourself how to do is have to need other things other than your spouse in order to reach whatever pleasure zone when really you should be able to do this you actually be able to enjoy his body his body is my body it's meant for my enjoyment really spiritually speaking that's my body and I've got a heart my body belongs to him and soul I got and so we should find a place of enjoyment and intimacy with each other okay now I'm not saying you can't have a little fun and be creative and all of that but I'm saying that I think that some people go a little too far with having to need all of those things in order to have a good sex life if you need that stuff and you're dependent and reliant on it then you might want to check to see how how vulnerable y'all really are together in your sex life I think sometimes it can make you objectify each other and have to need stuff and that don't that's not gonna make me feel bar you saying it Christians cannot I'm not saying they can I don't know what kind of toys you're talking about there are some that I would say no I don't I don't I don't think that you should do that but at the same time I think you know I think a little fun times I mean you you're naked and you're unashamed but I do think people go too far with it and I think people start to need it and they can't they can't you know a man if you got you dressing up like nurse Sophie you know it's a role play doctor nurse I definitely do because if I if I say Bay I want to play doctor nurse today you say no I would wonder who you saw I was going on your imagination what you want me to dress up like I can take care of you so that's not a problem but if he wants you to dress up and come first of all turn the lights off come up in here with high heels on with fishnet every time if he needs you to perform or you need that that becomes a bit much you know can you take me for who I am can you can we what do we know we don't have excess weight but what about a we're giving out what if I wanted you to well I'm definitely not wearing a wig because cause you got drill eyes I just I'm not in two weeks personally I think they look amazing on people but I love your man say yo pull out I want you to put on a blonde no we ain't even starting at no all right just you got to have to love me so much realize I can take my hair down I do you don't so a faucet a role play is healthy listen again I'm just saying that some people take it too far and they'd have it when they become dependent you know when they become dependent hear what I'm saying there are people who become dependent they have to do that in order to feel like they can be pleasurable if you can't just be in bed with you and your spouse and have a good time if there can't be one night like that then that's a problem you know they asking it is oral sex in a marriage listen I don't I'm not gonna answer well I I don't judge people for what they do and they be it you know they they they got their own convictions you know I tell people I've known people whose husband wanted oral sex but the wife didn't want to do it and it was a problem and it was like a pressure I don't think he needs to go that far where you know you're pressuring your spouse to do something they just don't want to do wait till they get comfortable enough to do what to explore whatever options they want to explore but as you know so in those instances no I think that you need to have a conversation and figure that out together I think that's between the couple I don't judge people for what they do and they bare chambers I don't even judge people for how many toys they want to use but what I am saying is that it can make you stray away from intimacy because you have to rely and depend on other things to make this work and and that doesn't become healthy either if it's an extreme measure of it but I do believe and creativity in the bedroom it is so I do and having fun I do believe in having fun and being creative that's different for everybody what that looks like for everybody is yeah that's a great point so I said they should have conversations that's a marriage counseling thing yeah yeah to be able to figure out people's sexual vision and ideas of sexuality and intimacy and what they want what they see and all that stuff it's all about communication that's I mean this is this all boils down to healthy communication about sex y'all shouldn't be just having sex and nobody's talking about what's good maybe you think is boring maybe you think we do need to spice it up what can we do to be create let's talk you know maybe don't feel good maybe she ain't having an orgasm you better ask your wife if she's faking her orgasms because women do that now I don't I know women glory for years who have been married and have we have counseled people who have you know over the years who have said that they haven't had any orgasm I'm like why don't your husband know that or maybe they're just not having them very as often as you think you need to make sure before you get up like did you you know okay just just confirm there needs to be some confirmation you should just bomb and just do its thing and then be I'm done whoa Jesus yeah so yeah and some men do that they do what they do and then they're done they don't even ask any questions there's no communication how did that feel let's talk you know there needs to be healthy communication and I think what he goes back to honesty and constant communication on these things and people are silent when it comes to their sex life and they just having sex and that's it like we're just gonna have sex and nobody knows what's happening or if it even feels good that is not god we talk about our sex life all the time yeah actually well it's not it's real we we evaluate sexual events you know is that good the improve well we we talk abouts a normal part of conversation in our relationship absolutely we don't just like go get busy doing ladylike like Oh total waste of my time we talked it through some somebody said why fake it again it's all about trying to protect your mate you know you you you may feel like you might hurt his feelings if you didn't or you know but that's just to be honest nobody I don't see how to get fake it he should know know they're people no I know no I know women who do that they have they they have you know they they do it you know just because they just you know either want him to just go ahead because they don't really you know but we counsel women what about R&B music in the bedroom don't ask me that I am NOT a black-and-white person so if you are super like religious you might not like my answers because I love I love me some Toni Braxton I love Luther Vandross Freddie Jackson I'm old school Lynn Jones Whitney Houston I like healthy love songs though back in the day they made healthier less I listened to a lot of the freaky deaky every cover huh Thank You Ann hey twin I got a twin yo your mom is a twin yes I have a twin so no I don't I don't see might want to get back to the young and I mean y'all gonna listen to some worship why y'all gonna turn some worship me nah fam I mean but no just healthy news your mother got healthy um they got healthy R&B music so but some women some Christians feel like oh you should listen to R&B we're married like if we're talking about love why not soundbite this yeah and they gonna talk about us so bad so yeah um there will be so much in the class it's not even funny I mean is there's gonna be so many you know you got phony Kandla Brian friend is married couples healthy married couples that'll be talking about different aspects different things dealing with deliverance and soul and finances and how to be found in how to prepare and all of it will be talked about in the the singles conference so and if you marry and you you know I think it's good to know this information also just because if you're someone who you know teaches or you're you're in leadership or you have teenagers or whatever I think you should learn it - I sure do I listen to everybody and I take good notes on doing this woman I got she said kind of man fake it no I don't think so I'm - I'm one I know absolutely not no I don't think a man can is very clear oh how about why I again I think that's that's an issue of conviction well what I do is I promote what the Bible says and I don't promote to it um you if somebody was to ask me should you be drunk no I think that's against the Word of God as far as wine is concerned you have several different opinions and not like theological groups there's a lot of Isis on wine yeah there's a lot of different and and again is really based off your convictions is based off a wisdom your history you know where you are ex alcoholic you definitely I could tell you a hundred percent no to that but that's not something it's not a black and white question for me it depends on the person as to how I will probably answer that and if somebody came and say hey me and my husband we have a glass of wine every anniversary and there is no history or whatever and you know I can't necessarily tell them that is wrong if they're okay or they're comfortable with it I know some people are dogmatically against why and I agree with them too so I can agree with whatever their viewpoints are so I can actually I am again I'm a very great person and I don't mean great to the point where I'm compromising the Word of God I do not believe that you should compromise the Word of God but I've heard arguments that you shouldn't and I agree with the arguments that are said and I arguments where it's okay to have a glass you know where and I agree with some of them and their their stance on it so it depends on the I wouldn't Paul told Timothy to drink wine so it's tell me where to get better yeah and and he did and it was because and here's the thing because I know the context of that scripture also is that the the water was polluted and wine is fermented so I said this before water is polluted fail I said this before and one of my health scopes if you get sick and you're somewhere in another country or you have a book or you know are you eating something bad and you're you don't have no apple cider vinegar you have no lemon you have no pickles olives or any fermented food around like sauerkraut then your next best option is to go get you at least three ounces of maybe some rare fermented wine to get rid of the bacteria in your stomach even as a health precaution so but how do you tell Timothy to drink wine because the water was polluted and that's why he was saying Allu I will be good for the belly because it has probiotics Krishna's not supposed to drink alcohol period uh well when you say period I don't I don't necessarily agree when somebody say period but I agree when you say Christians shouldn't drink wine because I think that statement can definitely be true but I'm open to both arguments three out no I didn't say three glasses I said three ounces if you got sick somebody said a whole bottle but that's my stance on it so nothing should be done in excess listen if you overeat you're just as guilty as someone who drinks wines if you have every reason to think that they don't do and promote that but you probably you know most people eat too much and that's the spirit of gluttony is not biblical either so I don't what I have to say about wine I don't argue it I don't argue this stuff because I can find something wrong with everybody I get you everybody has fallen short ain't nobody perfect so you probably eat too much somebody else probably watch too much TV some people on addicted to social media so I don't get stuck on one thing like oh the wine thing know some of you guys are addicted to social media and addicted to love and hip-hop and all of these perverted shows that y'all watch with a bunch of you basically watching rated X stuff you know but I'm not here to judge you I'm just giving you a principle is that we'll do stuff ourselves and not commenting on it and then the one thing that somebody else do that we don't agree with and our doctrine we persecute them for it so I'm saying I could probably find something wrong with everybody including myself you haven't asked a question I didn't go to hell do Christians go to you for drinking a wine and I don't think so I just like I don't think a Christian would go to hell for overeating it's just it may not be a wise thing but you know it depends on if you are alcoholic I don't know I don't know go to hell the night I mean at the end of the day I'm nobody's do it I don't know I don't know anyway why are single men in the church scared to approach single women Oh what church you go to boo I don't I don't know that that's the truth in my church what you say they want to know I know they pop most people probably don't agree with me because I am not dogmatic I can be very dogmatic he's more dogmatic my shoes I am NOT because I can find something wrong with every desk laughs I'm gonna be dogmatic on the issue imma shut up you see I've not answered none of this stuff yeah don't be handling you know who was dogmatic in the scriptures the Pharisees was dogmatic it is the same people who tell people what seeing all day long and this is seeing and tattoo the sin and this this you know these are the same people who are stingy unloving angry unforgiving stubborn you know people got inner issues that may not show outwardly and so I you know I think above all we were made to love and to have mercy and most people need help with a mercy life while we trying to talk about somebody going to haven't seen from a glass of wine or from a tattoo I'm not saying it's right or wrong but I'm saying down deeper issues like unforgiveness half the body of Christ probably got some unforgiveness they try to persecute me to tattoo Bob here I was on the news for it yeah it's a Pharisee it's I don't get into that Pharisee type stuff I believe that going learn this you know I desire mercy over a sacrifice I think people need to learn how to have turned over this wine issue didn't you oh no no I started the revival because because people get dogmatic on stuff like that just like I don't like the whole tattoo dogmatic thing either I just I don't like that aggressive Pharisee type stuff because I you know I just think I think there are so much deeper issues to worry about with people you know I have the body cross have mental illness and I mean from trauma well I do women love church man because Church me and most of them love Jesus some of them love Jesus because of you feels like dating a woman absolutely should a should a woman ever pay for a date though my opinion is know what the only exception being if she trying to do something for his birthday okay all right like if if we were dating and you wanted to do something for my my own my birthday that I didn't know about and I can't pay for please don't say that Brittney come on I'm about to get a tattoo because y'all church no make sure that's your personal decision miss cotton how you doing anyway please make sure that your personal decision we don't advocate for we don't I know they say we do we don't have I was making a point I don't vacate for any other I don't advocate for none of it I think everybody had the on position and convictions some things can be sin to one person that's not sin for another oh yes if God tells you won't do something you're messing with and you do it what do you message you metal you know so just make sure that that's your all said to him that is saying my god yeah it could be so when someone if the questions ask is drinking Watson it could be yes the answer is yes okay they ask you a lot a lot of single people they say we left the singles we left the singles we were we did Dayton we did the approach of how long shall woman wait we did the issue of physical physicalities yeah so we we addressed a lot for the any other questions for the singles where's your brother my brother you know my brothers are probably watching this I have to I'm gonna tell you who they're cuz yeah Micah Carter Amen how are you so ultimately get the book and somebody said nipple piercing I would never forgot so impressed uh yeah I guess I'm in there yeah I mean I again if you choose to do that would never tell somebody to do that would probably discourage something like that but I don't judge people based off of that type of stuff honestly I'm a very forgiving I don't know it's I'm a very accepting person um so you know if somebody came and said that that was there already or whatever I'm accepting I'm not gonna be like wrong child look as you got I'm not that kind of Christian I am NOT I'm totally not that kind of Christian and and I don't think Jesus was either Jesus be sitting right there probably very people who we talk about if he was walking the earth today um and not because they wouldn't he would only be a couple because they're perfect not because they're you know but that's the people he loved and he died for so but I would never encourage that I just I you know baby daddies and boundaries of children and that's a good one baby daddies and promise with their children and problems with their children but oh we talked about question 2 right no we didn't oh I did I said what about when they have issues with baby daddy oh I had that written down think I asked it I don't I don't know that I know what baby mama drama is I don't think there is a such a thing I think if if we have a blended family and I think you have again a marital problem is that I think the root of your issue is going to be what is allowable or not for the comfort of your particular somebody say that we kiss while dating not once not once and and not not not that I I do discourage kissing while dating I do but I'm not saying that is horrible I'm just saying that that can lead to other things and so it's best not to because you're about to get married anyway and you don't have the rest of your life for that you don't need to even do the physical stuff while you're dating say that for the boss the stomach that's what makes it so special we didn't kiss until you asked my tongue kissing while dating I don't know I don't think you should I don't think is wisdom you know now are you condemned well we listen we were not gonna do that because either we she to ended up pregnant yeah you open up all kind of feelings when you're doing it with somebody you love and you're attracted to so at least two other things it's just wisdom okay and if you have you should probably stop because it's going to lead to other things somebody asked about no springs it's so sad that 2018 um I don't care about nose-rings like I don't see the big deal with a lot of these I don't know I just think there's so many deeper I think people are better I stuff them really works on the inside there's a man pursue a woman I just think honestly so Sunday I'm teaching on that yeah yeah Sunday at 10:30 through our relationship our series I'm teaching all the levels of intimacy and how you approach a marriage what he said what about addiction to marriage you won't meet a wrong candidate to get married if you have an exact dollar tree of marriage that's what I'm assuming it means how long do we date before we got married we have a very unique story we only dated four months until we were engaged and then we were married in 10 months I would encourage that for everybody either see you know to each his own but God did a special work with us I think it was a special work but I don't I don't encourage that for everybody because sometimes you don't know people in four months I this was a risk it was ERISA just wind up working uh but you know it was a risk for him a risk for me you know um but it did work and I do think it was the Lord um but I don't I don't think it's the Lord for everybody so did you get married and live with your mama no no do you promote dating for the same church sure what about forehead kiss can't kissing um I was I was a minute I was ministering before we got married somebody just asked was our ministry before we got married I was ministering with my mentor we were traveling on prophetic teams I was part of deliverance I did a lot of evangelism so yeah I mean but not like a pastor I wasn't a pastor I was at a church but I was a part of a lot of the ministry teams um there and I had a really really come because they should you leave your church event with single me no not unless you supposedly so yeah I administered before yeah yeah yeah well hey it's y'all questions so you asked them and where we were answering them yeah I mean the Saints really do have a lot of questions on this stuff somebody said how do I know he was the one uh you know what I have to answer that on another is you know I pray okay and I didn't I didn't necessarily think he was the wine wait a minute wait a minute oh no I just felt like I was supposed to marry him I mean like the one like there is no one like if if we didn't marry I don't feel like I missed him like I'm never gonna get married again you know if I had a chose to not marry him and if he had a chose to not marry me then it wouldn't be like I'm the one like there's no more coming so um how did I know that I was making a wise decision I saw counsel I pray worship I did delighted myself in the Lord how do you do that you breathe a couple of times and exhale man I pursue God about it I just want to make sure I was making a comfortable situation a comfortable decision and the situation was in so um because we was getting married so quickly I wants to be comfortable with it yeah so and then I did a lot of research on him I asked him questions I had notes y'all I had a whole no pad full of stuff fam I found it a cup of them I was interviewing her mean even though he was a regular conversation I'd be on the phone taking notes from throwing arrows and stuff like okay this he got this problem you got okay let me can I handle this okay I was doing research okay cuz I was not marrying apostle matthew stephenson I was marrying Matthew Stevenson y'all get apostle prophet I was Matthew Stephenson the third I was marrying the man okay that's a whole nother story so y'all better not look at these giftings on these people and then think like you you that's it you you know hit the jackpot yeah he could be a horrible man it is so a gifted horrible man they do exist well what I closed my book for the rest of questions and we battle spill oh yeah check out yeah check out the link again we're gonna give you the free book if you sign up through this you can only sign up through this link in order to get the free book sent to you right before the conference and it's what he or she will never tell you the raw truth about love sex and relationships and we talked about very detailed intimate raw stuff in this book because we just feel like we need to talk about the things that most people within the marriage are too scared to talk about because they too busy self protecting in addition to that it's still on sale it's still the conference is still on sale and it's gonna be amazing check out all the speakers and what you'll learn you are gonna learn a lot me and my husband are actually like I said doing a session on getting hear from mother and father wounds and so only place you can hear that teacher and all the rest of the teachers finance the soul issues deliverance breaking curses all of it will be talked during the conference so make learning what it means to be single and be single healthy and be found right and finding the right one and all of it will be discussed check out the link be ITL y /y earn to love the number two learn to love vit ILY forward slash learn to the number two love learn to love alright so we'll do another part of this and we enjoy it always talk about I know y'all got a lot more questions I have more questions even that I collected and I'm gonna continue to collect some more questions I know why she put me up to this family this is not my idea if y'all gonna YouTube and attack me the landlady who did that actually died I found out that attack me on youtube she said don't take the next day so my Samia or [ __ ] with you out of here what my point is this this is my wife's idea and not my idea I want the truth so we need the truth when it come to relationship this why relationships are so dysfunctional because everything is so hidden and not talked about so I love it we'll do it again and I hope you guys all enjoyed it I know some of you all are angry at some of our answers but so what let us disagree I mean let us disagree it's okay yeah I I respect you know whatever your pain is people get on their period this is - no this is the money this you know and it's like okay I respect that I do but yeah I'm just not as dogmatic as some people are wait what you trying to save me it's all right I'll be right I still love it if I'm da Matic about something I'm right it is so I love you guys hey happy Valentine's Day is 10:14 we'll enjoy the rest of our night together and and I hope you guys do the same all right ah we love you guys and you'll hear more from the Stevenson's all right make sure you share this send it out replay or watching it take notes do what you got to do learn love and grow all right so you guys later

Channel: Gina Barcourt B!rkoo

Views: 16,512

Keywords: dr matthew stevenson, labryant friend, phineka friend, all nations, worship assembly, chicago, relationships, Sex, should Christians drink wine, alcohol, Kamilia Stevenson, Gina Barcourt, Brian Carn, gee renee, sex toys, dating, Christians

Id: mnO_Fku3fIU

Length: 97min 46sec (5866 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 15 2018