Dear Future Wifey S3, E311: Before I Do (Quieran Burnett + La’Shara Jefferson)

and plus i knew like my time was running out so yeah the shot clock yeah yeah yeah let's talk about the shot clock yeah yeah i want to find out how to transition to that you're right we want the transition but you set it up thank you for that here we go so here we go so let's talk about this this transition this shot clock was going what happened um you know 2020 came and i was just like all right you know so i had a conversation i had a conversation with him and said you know by new year's of 20 wait 20 20 20 20 this is 29 yeah 2019. i was like you know by the new year like something don't have to have to happen or we could be you know friends i'm the tara sarwington and welcome to the dear future wifey podcast welcome to the dear future wifey podcast i'm your host letter s r whitfield man god has been doing some amazing things to this podcast hey if you haven't subscribed what are you doing stop shacking up with us and hit that subscription button and subscribe man i got a chance to run into my buddies i was out eating the other day see i always ask for god to bring organically guests that he's supposed to have on this podcast and i've been wanting to talk to my my friends for a minute and it just i said hey i ran into him and i said what are y'all getting married i saw the engagement video they said this week i said oh my god this would be great to have y'all on the podcast uh just days before y'all transition into holy matrimony so let me tell you something i'm excited to have them on the podcast because they're about to keep it lit they're entrepreneurs and business owners welcome to the dear future wifey podcast my homies lashara jefferson and kyren burnett how y'all doing y'all good ah lord y'all about to cross over that threshold of holy matrimony y'all nervous um more so just ready to get there just ready to get there yeah just the planning and then you know you just can't wait to see all the plans come together you know so it's like a puzzle it's a puzzle that's a whole production for you yes it's definitely a production you know what we're gonna call this episode before the i do before the i do so let me ask you this a lot of people you know i want y'all to keep it lit a lot of people you know when they're getting ready to prepare for wedding the devil begins to uh attack them with all kind of stuff did y'all face that over these last few months absolutely yes yes like what go ahead what are some things that challenge y'all uh i guess more so just learning because we never stayed together until we got engaged um and so luckily for us we we did marriage counseling prior to you know of course our wedding and it's just like within every course that we had there was like a challenge that related to the course that we had there yes um so whether it was community i think the biggest part is probably communication um because when you know you live by yourself you set in a certain way and you know you move a certain way but then when it's somebody else it's like it's like adapting to like their mannerisms yeah adapting to just different things so for me it's just like with every session we got tested with whatever that subject was yes so who moved with who no we just actually yeah we actually got a new space good good yeah he said yeah buddy yeah uh so what do you find the most difficult thing as y'all was preparing i'm gonna call you cute since that's what we call you that'll work definitely go ahead tell us tell us what you ran into uh really just you know stand in communication and uh i think that was probably the the ongoing lesson like throughout the whole thing and whether it was uh communicating like times or communicating how we felt it was really just that and letting it be known like it's okay to like express like you feeling you know because i think a lot of times like we try to either hold stuff in yes because it's like well i don't want to say this and it upset my partner or you know and this and i don't want to rock the boat or something like that but uh we we found out you know it's a lot easier like having conversations early on to really just kind of like set that foundation yes it helped out so what was the so the communication i'm glad that y'all said that because that is what they say the number one struggle in any relationship whether it's professional whether it's a familial relationship from a family standpoint but if you can't talk to the person about what's going on it doesn't disappear you know the problem just they say it's the little foxes that destroy the vines so it just grows it festers and it grows into bitterness and then you mad at her and she's like well why'd you tell me you was like right yeah man cause i i know how you was gonna act no you don't know how i was going you don't know how i was gonna act you know so it has this crazy thing so i'm glad that y'all guys are challenging uh uh or or overcoming those challenges early on so you have to face me in your marriage now why was it important for y'all to go through mayor's counseling um well pre-marital counseling uh just to kind of be honest like growing up i really didn't this is just like my my side of it but i really never seen a successful marriage likewise um i've never witnessed it like people being married for 20 30 i've never seen that so for me it was just like building that foundation because i feel because with me like i'm just getting married one time you know that's the idea and so it's kind of like well i need to learn the tools that's needed for me to be able to have that long you know powerful marriage um so and then also just learn about myself because like i said you know you've been by you kind of you said in your ways and some of your ways ain't right so or you know it just don't it just don't make sense yeah you know in a in that type of environment so for me it was just learning more of who i was as a person like what do i need to change because it's easy to point the finger at your partner yes when a lot of times it's you you know it's some stuff with you that you got to change as well so that's why i felt like it was important and so um we're going to put perspective about it how old are you 33 and how old are you 37. so when we say and i love you say like you know you've been setting your ways for x amount of years and uh because at the end of the day you'd be like you know i'm 43 years old so it's a lot of things that i have to unlearn or open myself up when you're you know linking up with somebody else instead of saying listen this is the way i am right i've been this way all my life right i'm saying like no that may be unhealthy right you've been that way all your life and nobody ever told you that was a problem right so you need to overcome that so uh q what about you uh i mean and so like we definitely come from uh two different backgrounds like household wise and so i wanted to do it just because i wanted to like she said set the foundation and really kind of bring in somebody to uh make it a safe space for us to be able to open up you know and so uh and coming from a household where my parents they still together have been married uh 45 years now 45 years yeah so you've seen the successful major yeah so like i know yes so i guess i know it's possible but it's like it's uh it's like just taking that example and like making sure like we have like a solid deep foundation and so i wanted to make sure like we both like going forward confident you know and just really kind of let her know like i'm okay with it like i'm for it because i don't know everything yeah and that was one of me main reasons why i wanted to do it because you know you don't know it all so what was the one thing that you learned the most in premarital class me or him i'm at oq over here uh for me i'd probably say not uh i guess not assuming you know yeah that would probably be like the main thing like not not assuming uh what i'm doing is like what she's expecting of me explain that okay so uh we one of our topics was you know our expectations of each other from during the marriage you know what we expected from a partner and so it's uh that was probably big for me because what i thought i was doing was what she expected me to do or what was going to please her like make her happy but uh coming to find out it wasn't what she was expecting or what she wanted from me as a husband so a lot of times like he was he was telling us people don't know that and so you'll be thinking you're doing the right thing you know you think well i'm doing this i'm taking care of this i'm taking care of it no they don't care at all and that's not what she expected at all and that's why it's so important to understand each other's love language did y'all get into that yeah we did we did so did that what you felt like you were providing for her was that in direct opposition to you know what her love language was that you know that before let you know her love language before uh going through uh premarital uh counseling uh yeah i did and uh so her uh love language is uh gifts and quality time mm-hmm so so which one's the strongest quality time okay is it these gifts right and so mine is a touch and acts of service you know so a lot of times and i feel like you know for a lot of me and that's theirs as well because we feel like if we're doing stuff around the house taking care of things you know trash or whatever it might be but your love language is acts of service yeah so you like for a woman to perform acts of services for you i mean sounded kind of freaky but i'm talking about i'm talking about like watching you know like acts of service like washing dishes like cleaning the house that type of stuff yes okay because normally that's normally like women kind of like that and then men lean towards physical touch and words of affirmation yeah that's interesting yeah yeah and and so uh look at me like that when i say action service i mean i ain't know where it was going i thought it was about to go left my mama watched [Laughter] so so you want it but what in what order was it um touch versus i mean the highest uh touch versus actual service all right it makes sense and yeah i mean like even early on like when we first started dating like that was a a thing because i'm a hugger yeah he's going to because i since i'm not a touch person yeah but you go to uh you know women yeah and he's like yeah he giving them nice nice country southern gentleman hugs i'm like you ain't got to be hooked for three folks like like you know it won't be you know it's right and i it i had to i just be like what like hold on because some women take that and be wrong yeah but i have to like like okay that's his that's his thing like yeah he loved hugging people yeah but it took me some years to really learn like to be okay with it now he don't he cut it sure he'd be gonna be three seconds he'd be like one if he decided yeah yeah you know what what's so interesting is that our natural things that we do become the biggest opposition in our in our relationships because you you feel like you disrespected me and he like no i'm not like i'm not even i don't mean nothing by it and you like you got to know something is wrong with that and in his brain he's just not like i've always done that you know and that's what i say is we have to be open enough to just learn and accept that other person's truth you know that's all right because it's so it gets that stuff can destroy a relationship very easily by just saying can you at least check my motives do you think my motives are with ill intent that i'm i'm hugging this person like that and then sometimes you gotta be like look at that look who i just hug you think i wanna you know what i'm saying you know you can get real like that you're like well i'm just saying she she you making her think she wants you and you like just hug okay forget it and then you start being real standoffish with people and then now he's not been able to full so he'd be like dang this this relationship is dimming my life and then yeah you just don't want to be there number one [Applause] okay that's what happens so much but when you have these open conversations and be transparent then you can actually get over that stuff that's just like who that person is and then you can always find little uh boundaries and set up some compromises or whatnot because i believe that you know we can always adjust to make that person feel secure but just understanding that person doesn't have ill intent behind it is what helps a relationship thrive and so what was the biggest thing you learned in um pre-marital counseling uh i have more of my mom in me than i thought mama watching it she probably said that's right she said that's right that's right baby that's right that's right you just like me i told you a spitting image of me yeah so when you say that what do you mean by more of your mama what what characteristics what traits i would say i was influenced a lot with my i guess because she was a single parent and so just watching her how she moved you know you think that's right yeah not that it was wrong but you know you think okay that's the norm that's how it should be so somebody mess up go to the on to the next yeah like you know so it she probably like oh god so like just watching how my mom operated i took that on and in my head like when i was growing up i lying on there you know i'm gonna be like like nah she ain't man you know she out here you know yeah moving hot girl summer winter fall so you know and i'm the oldest of the kids so i was always like next to in charge yeah so my mom always had to you know step out and and go hang out i was going watching the kids so my mama was always transparent with me where she was going what time she's going to be back so i was always that person to my mom yeah so for me going through counseling i'm like dang i got a lot of my mom and me like when it comes to just being independent yeah you know sometimes i feel like even learning through counseling you can be so independent that is like you have no space for your man yeah yeah like you know what i'm saying and so what i learned was that you know you have to let down the walls a little you know i have to like she's still struggling with that still struggling she's strong i'm still a little bit yeah that's progress right that's probably right it's just like years and years and even prior relationships where because this is not my first engagement okay i've been engaged before okay so even just being in that relationship is just kind of like being the you know like your money my mom will always say don't let your right hand know what your left hand do i know why they teach you all this oh it's just kind of i know i've heard that so much jesus i'm gonna unpack that finish your sentence oh you don't talk about it man just like you go ahead you know dudes ain't ain't no good man out there exactly um you know like just those [ __ ] those limitations and just being embedding your mind you got to be independent like you don't need no man you know like just hearing that all throughout my childhood it's like oh okay cool that's the that's the norm so when you got engaged the first time um when it ended that that confirmed the fact that there ain't no good men out there yes i ain't gonna say that it was just more so uh i was in a place where i dependent i was the i let the walls down and i was like okay well you know we're gonna make this happen and i became dependent on another person to help pay the bills and i became dependent on somebody else to help me keep this roof off my head bring food and it was like i was let down mm-hmm so it's like okay so i can't depend on them man so let me get it and that's where i really started going hard in my beach and that's what i want to talk about i'm gonna transition to that but i want to unpack this thing well well cause people say it all the time don't let your right hand know what your left hand know don't let you know what kind of deception that creates in a relationship just think about it that the person that's supposed to walk alongside of me they ain't gonna know how i'm moving they don't know what i'm doing like really you got my last name we live together but i'm not gonna know what you're doing and it's women that i used to work at the bank i used to work at the bank when i was 19 years old bank one god rest they sold laying around almost bank one was around and i used to work at the bank and this lady used to come up there and she's like yeah i need to put this in my my other account my husband don't know about this and i remember at night i said why doesn't your husband know about this account shoot in case something go wrong shoot i got my little old nest egg over here and i remember nighttime something is wrong with that idea that you literally have set up a nest egg some money aside that your husband don't know nothing about and you think that's okay but so when your husband have a woman on the side that you don't know nothing about is that okay so it's like because when you start creating and breathe you start breeding deception and lack of transparency in a relationship it opens the doors for everything and so i said couldn't you just tell your husband or whatever i got my little play fund over here and y'all just discussed he's like i don't care keep your money over there or whatever but what was so crazy about it she had more money in her size account he didn't know about that she had in her and they and they joined the count and i said wow that is and i remember at 19 i said that's actually scary because this lady could up up and be gone and she like and and then it would justify the fact that she had the money she said see i knew i should have had this money aside because he did xyz and if i didn't have this then i wouldn't be able to have this money to fall back on when i like to challenge the belief that if you didn't have that money and didn't have that idea ideology you wouldn't cultivated that yeah that scene in order to birth that in the first place and so it's a crazy thing that we teach each other and i think is such toxic understanding and belief you know what i'm saying we do it and when we really get down to it it's a fear it's a fear of saying i'm married to this person but if it don't go right then i need to have this security you know and it's like why get married then stay single as long as you can until you get rid of that fear because the most amazing thing which is what we're gonna go in in the next couple of episodes is unpacking those marriage vows that we say we stand up there we say all these powerful vows to having to hold for better for words through sickness and help we say this stuff and be like i don't really believe that i'm saying it right now i got this money on the side in case it don't go right it's like really like how does that make sense you're saying some really stuff to death do us part right right but just in case i'm gonna go ahead and have something like like add that into if you're gonna be real lit add that into your marriage vows and say but if it don't go right i know that i'm gonna have this money on the side and i got this other chick that i'm gonna go to that i really want the married other than you invertebrates so let's go and do this we're going to see if this works you know what i'm saying like let's let's keep it real and so that's interesting i want to transition in the fact that because of that bad relationship and how it um awoken or yo yo brain and i got to make sure i'm in a better position uh financially uh which is powerful because a lot of women have that and there's nothing wrong with that i think whatever motivation you need to level up dog gonna take it but what did that do how did that make you level up and what are you doing now in your life um it made me level up because i didn't want to have to want for anything like i didn't want to have to ask anybody to you know help me with bills buy me this you know do this or whatever so i decided to take on that responsibility and say if i want something i want to be able to get it like i don't have to ask nobody for no money have to sit here in bed and do all it no because i've been down that road and it don't feel good so that's when i really just got into you know owning my uh starting my business and really just putting you know all that energy because that's the thing like with women because we're so emotional when we go through things it can either take you it can either break you or make you and what i see a lot is women let things like they break them yes when in fact you can use that energy and turn it into a business or turn it into something you know to make you feel better but for me it was channeling that energy into my business and what is your business so i have two businesses so i am a full-time herbalife distributor um i've been doing that now for eight years um and i'm in the top one percent of the company leveled up what i'm talking about i don't know what you did ex uh ex beyonce but you lit a fire up under this girl and this girl done leveled up on a whole nother level and and top one percent of freaking herbalife and uh thank you yeah he said thank you she said thank you thank you praise the lord and then uh i also uh just opened well not just uh it'll be two years in december a plant-based smoothie shop in cedar hill texas which i love so much that's how i met her i met actually i went up there one day and then q was leaving and i was like dog he was like yeah we leave but you come here tomorrow whatever and i was like you ain't gonna turn around and make me a smoothie all right i guess i'll just come back on oh it was monday because it was on saturday come back monday i came back monday and i've been going ever since and so and so it's interesting you call me your uncle you know he's like hey uncle uncle's here i was like wow it's just like we just clicked from day one or whatnot and so so you leveled up you know top one percent of uh of herbalife how did you meet your boo thing over here okay so our stories when you ask him it may be different okay this is a different perspective so i just graduated from college um and we were the first time we were at a omega pro omega probate so if you've been to like a greek party you know it's crowded in there um the deltas and omegas you know if you see one you gotta introduce yourself and whatever so i don't remember him but he said he came up to me and was trying to like talk to me and i just kind of was like all right it moved on and then the second time we went to it was another omega party and then um like that's when we kind of just started talking about him because he had all black and it was i'm like i know you hot you know and then we just started talking and he found me on twitter are you a link up on twitter all right so now you're telling me because uh the first part is right but it wasn't because like i don't know she wasn't paying me attention but let's just say she had all the attention yeah so i just want to tell you yeah yeah so i just you know i said hey how you doing he said oh okay [Music] you know and dismiss me you know you just curled him right yeah pretty much yeah that's what happened yeah and then uh but after the second time uh i met her for one she was by herself so she didn't have like it wasn't a crowd to get through yeah and it was either uh be entertained by me and my jokes or be there by herself and sitting off to the side so she chose to be entertained thank you uh but we was already friends on twitter so yeah we was already following each other on twitter so i just so happened to like recognize our name so what did you see in her when you first saw her what did what did you think i want the first thought that crossed your mind wow she's tall all right and then what happened um i spoke but i mean like she was tall she had on heels she got long legs and you could see him it was a skirt yeah i don't know she on the skirt yeah yeah so you're looking at them legs yeah yeah yeah so yeah i mean that's true right that's right yes yeah so when you hit up on twitter what was you thinking i said oh i said we literally i said oh i said so we already follow each other and she was like are you stalking me but we were already yeah yeah he was just making like general conference like basic i'm so like like basic you know basic conversation so you just wasn't you just wasn't amused you was kind of like i was just like you know because i mean you used i mean i'm used to she's used to it so i'm like oh okay like oh let me just you know let me just be a nice and communicate back that's it you didn't think nothing of it didn't catch your interest at all not like no because i mean i was out you know all right so when did it transition from being in the you know tweeting each other back and forth and then the dms to actually saying let's go out on a date let's get pick up the phone and talk to each other um probably a y i would say a year like to date dating wise but y'all was communicating yes okay yeah we was communicating it took a year for y'all to go meet each other face to face no to be official it took a year how long did it take for you to take him serious enough to go have a bite to eat with him um lord it was a long time like a month or two about a month yeah about a month so when you took out the first time what were you thinking were you like this somebody i'm interested in or just i just want to see what it you know who what's she about or what because i want i want the viewers to understand the mindset of a man you are about to marry this woman how did you make it to this place so uh we met uh kind of like at a you know mutual spot and really just you know trying to get to know her you know so it wasn't anything like i wouldn't say i had like just you know high expectations yeah you know i just really was just trying to see and like literally like get to know her exactly so uh i think we went to buffalo wild wing so we went to buffalo wild wings and literally like talked uh over lemonade like like no food was ordered just lemonade you know and so i don't know she was trying to be cute or uh or what i think she's trying to be cute what was it uh no i don't you wasn't trying to be cute cause i ain't gonna think it was a date so you had walls up so you had walls up right so so so so because this is real so you had these walls built up you're you you were engaged before how much time lapsed between the engagement and then going out with him probably a few months a few months so yeah that's definitely wild yeah you like i ain't what well i'm like which is good which is good so then how long did it take for you to actually what did he do that's a better question to make you say hmm maybe something here um oh okay so this is when we kind of started building like we was into herbalife okay so all working together so in herbalife you know we're still friends um but just the fact that he was like supporting the like the vision the goal um like he was just like i'm in let's do it and i'm like oh okay i'm like because at this point you know i've you know went out with people i'm like i ain't trying to be doing all that like i need to get my money you were focused on yeah i need to get my business right i need my money up and if you in my head i'm like and if you're not trying to be trying to do that i really have no room for you so it was a perfect thing then for him to be in the same business that you're focused on for y'all to just level up together well god is interested you know what i'm saying he just brought you in the same business it's like hey we just friends we just working there and they know you look over like you're right right you know what i'm saying that's what's so cool because he couldn't have you couldn't have met him any other way you know i'm saying you're focused that's where you're spending most of your time i'm gonna say most all your time is spent in that and then he so happened to be where your heart is and then it cultivates something great right and that's why i call it purpose partners i call once you get married to somebody and you marry the right person it's purpose partners it's not just a marriage your husband or wife you are serving the purpose that god has for y'all together and y'all both level up together right and so how long was that how long was it before uh you know y'all were doing herbalife together uh what you mean from the day when y'all met oh what a year probably probably like a year who's on the first both of y'alls so i was invited to uh a meeting and i was like i don't want to go by myself and you invited him yeah i said come on yeah boy this is something what is all right so you invited him to the thing okay i didn't want to go i didn't want to go by myself i'm like i don't know these people just he was like okay and i was like i knew he was gonna come because he wanna spend time with you yeah yeah dude to follow you to church they've been in church all right y'all up at the meeting together that y'all both joined at the same time yep why'd you join well she was already uh a part of but she was already a part of it oh yeah a clown yeah yeah so for me i uh i honestly like i was at a spot in my uh in my business or my job at the time where i really didn't see myself like growing or like you know going in higher up and uh just wasn't having fun wasn't you know interested and so i just honestly kind of caught the fire caught the inspiration from the environment and people being motivated and inspired and i was like why not you know i didn't see like anything to lose and decided to give it a shot so that's what really kind of like made me decide to do it and uh from there we i always tell people it was just crazy enough to think that it would work you know like we just like yeah cause in that field and network marketing you don't see a lot of african-americans right especially women so you know we're already standing now because we're like okay well we're finna change it you know change the dynamic of it so yeah so so and that was how many years ago uh eight eight eight years ago so about eight years ago and then so then when how did y'all flow into this is my boo thing we're in a relationship together well we we decided that just because we just got out of relationships we didn't want to get into jump right into our hours ended good so we took a year good and that was actually his idea good q good he said i'm talking oh let's do a year so right at the year mark i said so what are we doing there it is yeah oh boy you better keep that energy probably gave me a month of grace she gave me a 30-day grace after that after that yeah but yeah but not in it and it's crazy because uh around that time like i said like she said both of our relationships ended and my mom my mom what'd your mom do she said uh this is her exact words boy you need to be by yourself like you need to be by yourself for a year that's good and so i was like okay cool and then with the church literally like either that sunday or another sunday and a pastor was talking about relationships and kind of gave the same advice of like you know giving it a year and so i just kind of took it as confirmation i was like yeah i said my mama's saying this you know my pastor said this and she looked at me she was like what and she said okay all right and that was it no other words she was like all right and like she said after 30 after that 30 day grace after the year she was like what we doing what'd you say we doing this facebook statistics put it on facebook put it on facebook he said they ain't on facebook it ain't real people put it on facebook you had no problem putting it up there and there it was and so and so and so that was seven years ago yeah yeah so how did y'all transition from boyfriend and girlfriend to saying you know what let's go ahead and get married um that's your question yeah yo you have to say i do i mean let me ask you because you have to get into your mindset of actually uh wanting to take that step which is one of the hardest steps for men to take women don't understand how difficult we talked about this at the restaurant a couple days ago um is that it's hard for a man to say because in our mind we're so taught and it's so unhealthy that you're giving up so much to get married like man the first it's a crazy thing you get married and the guy's sitting while you're getting ready to step out there man you sure you sure man you sure you're like do you think i want to hear that right now are you sure man you know you're gonna give up man you finna be like that's only that's gonna be the last vagina you ever had you know what i'm saying like you wanna hear that right before you get married and it's like it's so depressing to act like you're giving up so much good to get something that's not greater and if we can understand that yeah i'm giving this i'm giving up this independence so to speak i'm giving up this but i'm gaining so much because the bible says he that finds the wife findeth a good thing and obtains favor from the lord so that means that yeah you've been doing good all the stuff that you've been able to get on your own great job done a great job well now watch how you explode on a whole nother level after you link up with your purpose partner now you get favor from the lord and then god begins to bless you abundantly above all you could have asked a thing i ain't gonna preach right now but just tell me how you transition to that and so uh for me it was always uh wanting to to be married you wanted to be married yeah i mean like i said my parents and so like seeing the longevity they have and i always looked at it like you know finding that one person that uh is okay with putting up with you especially like my mom my dad so like knowing that like if my mom can put up with my dad for that long then i know it's possible to find somebody that can put up with you they can put up with me and so that was the first part and just you know going throughout the throughout the years and i could even say even as a man or even in my business she's done nothing but add value there it is and so and it's funny we were talking about it the other day uh because everybody always talks about like multiple streams of income and so we talk about like these different you know people having like different jobs and like because that's like you know they're making money this way there's one other and so it's like you putting all this energy into like all these different jobs but if you put that effort into one job or on one field like you can have so much more yes and so we literally like and it's fun herbalife has you know like multiple streams of income in one versus like me trying to like do a whole bunch of other things yeah it's like literally the same thing with the relationship so it's like versus like being all over the place if i just put my energy and my focus into this one relationship then i know it can be so much more mm-hmm and so you know having wise counsel around me and so you know talking to them and them asking me questions and like really putting a thought on my mind and uh just you know being i wouldn't even say like necessarily like being completely ready but being ready enough to like pull the trigger because it's one of those things where you'll never be fully ready yes and if you wait on yourself to be ready then you won't never do it and so it's just it was just doing it and then knowing that god is gonna catch us like if we stumble i'd rather stumble with her than to stumble on my own yes and so it was just different things like that to like every time i thought of like you know this happens it's like well i know we gonna do this yes and i know if i do this i know she got me there it is and i know ain't nobody else gonna have my back like she got my back because she's she's done it time and time so it was like why not you know why why risk it so and plus i knew like my time was running out so yeah the shot clock yeah yeah yeah let's talk about the here we go so here we go so let's talk about this this transition this shot clock was going what happened um you know 2020 came and i was just like all right you know so i had a conversation i had a conversation with him and said you know by new year's of 20 wait 20 20 20. this is 29th going yeah 2019. i was like you know by the new year like something don't have to have to happen or we could be you know friends and business partners and so what month did you tell them that was it i think it was new year's day no 2019. no 2020. going in the new year of 2020. like you just proposed you were in 2021 so 2019 yeah 2019. yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah of 2019 2018 whatever and you say i'm gonna give you pretty much a year and that was 2020. and that would be 2020. right and then when did you propose no first of all what did you think when she said you sound just like your mama yeah first thought yeah second thought was she don't even know like it's already on my mind to like propose this year so it was like i already had a set like in my mind did you have a month set uh didn't have a month set i just uh had like an idea of like what it would be and so that was that was really it so when she received that that when she said that to you did it make you get a little like you don't tell me what to do or was you like you're about to mess up what i'm about to do or was you like oh baby i got you yeah literally like no that's what i told her and so uh and so for the longest like i told her i wouldn't like uh go in detail or like you know drop hints or anything like that or talk about it because i said if i talk about i'm gonna give you too much information you're not gonna be surprised yeah but you know when she said it i just like i said okay you know it's i said it's gonna happen this time this year i said i'm just gonna say you win yeah oh he actually told you that yeah i said i'm just not i can't tell you when because that'll spoil it i said but don't worry it's coming what'd you think when he said that you think he was just lying uh trying to buy time yeah cause that's it i remember i talked to her before i talked to her uh when i was at her shop and she was like oh yeah i'm telling you i said you ain't gonna go nowhere oh yes i am yes i am no you're not no you're not and then i tell i tell dave y'all said hey give me his number i want to talk to him so we can help plan it i want to help plan you know and uh i said i want to plan it and then uh and she's like i'm gonna talk to him cause he gotta do it right he gotta do it right and i said i think he's gonna do it so i think he's gonna do it i think i'm gonna do it she over the time and that's when you know that and this is interesting because there's nothing wrong with her being skeptical because it's based upon the choices that she made in her past and so and and she don't want to get herself hopes up high because it's like if it don't go right then here it is men always disappoint you it's echoed in her brain it's embedded in her brain from her upbringing and so and and while i don't suggest that everybody gives an ultimatum i do believe that every woman should have a shot clock she should be like listen i'm not feeling because women can women can expire their healthy levels or time frame of childbirth and all that type of stuff and they'll get guys that they'll be in these 10-year relationships with and you know if you want to marry that woman something like hey i haven't met a man yet that said you know what for the first 10 years of daytona i want to be my wife but year 13 i actually started thinking that that should be my wife like no you knew you you knew you was like you know what i could see as my wife we got to work through some things but i can see her as my wife that's different could you see her at your as your wife early on yeah i i did and um but and she she said it early on like i knew that she uh needed some time and she might say that i needed some time but i knew like uh she needed some time like to be had that independence yes you know and i just really didn't get her on the security that you wanted yeah cause i always lived with somebody right yeah so that's good and so you know i just knew like that was it and so she had pretty much done like everything else so but i knew like it would have been because we've always talked to like talked about like even though we're together like we're still individuals yes you know and she know i i've never like wanted her like always under me and she don't want me always up unto her but you know a lot of times like if you don't know you know how to be an individual then you think like that's how i supposed to be like i'm supposed to be around you 24 7. yeah like we we married now so it's like you know we joint at the hip yeah nah we can you know you know take some time apart you know we can separate for a little bit and you know come back together at the hip like there's nothing wrong with us still being individuals yeah good good um and so when he did propose to you which i saw the beautiful uh engagement i'm a sucker for that stuff well i knew it was coming but i didn't know how right but i always told him he could never get to know me because i pay attention to how the thing how he moved because he's very like he do the same thing so he's very time like like yeah so if anything is out the ordinary like if you say hey we get dressed put on something nice we're going to eat them uh what's going on you know what i'm saying because we go out to eating gym clothes yeah you know so it's just like little things i'm like uh something's going on so um but i mean i like the movies so from there i'm like okay cool you know we're in the middle pandemic anyway i'm like okay been to the movies in a long time yeah and so we went there i mean it all made sense because his cousin is a producer and all this stuff okay it makes sense because he have little showings and stuff yeah so it made sense so you know i didn't expect it at all it was just kind of weird because nobody was moving in the audience i'm like dang this is this movie studio like you know what i mean where's the people with the food because i was hungry and i'm like okay why ain't nobody in the audience moving and then where's the people i pushed the button nobody could nobody come and then i guess they threw them off and so somebody ran out there and was like uh take your order and i'm like this is weird it was i'm like some this is some weird stuff and then that's when the the video came on and then i was like oh okay then the lights came on i said oh okay that's why y'all went moving they my family how'd you feel oh well i was like dang he he took his time to do our list you know because i've seen some you know different type of engagements where it was no thought you know it was just kind of like sitting over there at spaghetti spaghetti so what's up we're going to do this tonight what we're going to do yeah so for him to um because his persona he's not like a plan like a planner detailed type person so for him to do the details and plan it even i know he had healed yeah because i told my friend like we was we playing this on the whole back end like she knew my ring size she knew what kind of ring i want like we already had that planned out a long time ago just in case because we know he he was gonna go to the hood that's what he's supposed to do so we already knew he had all that solidified um but like i said for him to have to stop playing being up like being their time and like i was just like oh okay so i was like dang you know you feel like special because i'm like oh okay wow i was just shocked did you cry yeah mess up all your little makeup yeah i want to see some tears fall like this i need to see those photos because she's so like you know what i'm saying that's interesting it's going to be interesting but that was beautiful man i love it when the man steps up uh crowns his queen uh with a ring and that was so dope like it's like it was and when i when i saw the video on ig i was like yes yes yes yes i sleep right in the dm's like a freaking chick or something oh my god it's so dope but i love that i love it because one thing about it i don't know how hard she acts but she loves the mess out of you you know what i'm saying and i knew it from the first day that i i met her and uh even to see you leaving i met you before i met her which means that you were covering her even in her business i people all that stuff so i was like you know they business on this together it's like not as mine and then you went and got your own you know what i'm saying it's like it's when y'all i'm i'm letting y'all understand something i want this to be encouraging to people who are dating people and you don't feel like you can you know level each other up or if you feel like y'all i don't care what you guys are doing if y'all's professions are total opposites there's still something you can do to help that person out if they have a nine to five you can pack them a lunch to go to work you know it's something you can do that you can actually hey you need to help you while you're working on this if they're a school teacher hey you want me to read some of these papers with you to you like you can always do something to help out that person and that and what that does is add value to the relationship the next thing you know you're looking around they're like you really got me don't you you know what i'm saying to be like yeah you got me too huh and and that's how you can actually build something together in purpose um so what's what's so what what are some things that's crossing y'all's mind you said something about you're looking forward to marriage uh and i want to end on that note what is the one thing shower that you're looking forward to the most uh y'all getting married this friday right yeah yes this friday what's that date august 6th august the 6th what's the one thing you're looking forward to the most uh i think more so just like having somebody there to like do different things and experience like the world or experience things that i haven't yet experienced like traveling um just doing different things and you know the awesome thing about it is like when you marry somebody that's actually you were friends with first yes um because before you know before we were together we were like friends you know what i'm saying so with that like we already had like a foundation so it's kind of like we can switch hats yes like we can go from business partners to friends conversation to like if like we can switch those hats and a lot of people in different relationships can't do that yep so i think for me is is exciting when you can have a friend conversation or you can be you know you can be this person with one person yes all these different people with one person so that's that's what it is passing the ball to uq what are you looking forward to the most uh kind of the same thing like she said and uh family i'm not gonna lie yeah he want to build a family i'm gonna give you some time [Music] [Laughter] god bless you in the top 1 god bless you hey man amen amen but she knows she know her her mom wants some grandkids mine do too there it is but uh and like she said man traveling uh and just really like going to another level and like making making this thing fun you know and understanding like you can do this is like another chapter yes and so just really create memories you know a lot of memories so that that's the plan what i'm looking forward to absolutely beautiful well thank y'all for keeping it lit on the dear future wifey podcast make sure that y'all follow them on their instagram pages that's the best way to connect with y'all right yes yeah so uh connect with them on the instagram pages hey if y'all want to learn more about their business live in their dms hey maybe they don't share something that makes you want to become a part of uh herbalife so there that is uh so reach out to them dope dope individuals listen i'm proud of y'all i speak blessings over y'all matter of fact i'm just gonna pray for y'all real quick is that okay heavenly father i lift up my brother and sister before you right now before they embark upon this beautiful thing that you've instituted called marriage and holy matrimony god we thank you right now the name of jesus continue to cover them lord i speak right now that no weapon formed against them shall prosper and every tongue that rises up against them shall be condemned for this is their inheritance because they're servants of you protect them cover them in the name of jesus satan we bind up every demonic attack that tries to come against their marriage no weapon formed against them shall prosper and we thank you in the name of jesus in jesus name i pray amen amen thank you all so much keep doing what y'all doing and i'll keep y'all lifted up y'all be blessed i hope y'all gained value from this podcast it's interesting i always love uh talking to people and hearing their journey to the altar so y'all be in prayer for them as they embark upon their numptuals this coming up friday dear future wifey do you know how it feels to give your all to someone that you'll never give up on yet feel unappreciated and used by that person i know your mind automatically went to a lover but i'm speaking of parenthood you see i love being a dad however for me being a parent continues to show me my sacrifices for my children are rarely acknowledged and at times i feel taken advantage of i have an interesting dynamic with my children i'm the biological father to a daughter who's in her mid-20s a father to an 18 year old son i adopted two years ago and a father to an about to be teenage nephew i adopted in 2017. raising teenagers is well mind-boggling to say the least dealing with my kids mistakes and shortcomings always make me consider the unwavering love i'll have for you see i find most people are more forgiving tolerant committed and exemplified foreverness with their offspring but don't foster that same mindset when it comes to a spouse i've been guilty of that my future wifey we will be forever our commitment will withstand the test of times my goal is to reflect the commitment christ has for us as stated in deuteronomy 31 verse 6. i will never leave you nor forsake you your future hubby thank you for listening to the dear future wifey podcast remember be lit live intentionally and transparently and don't stop loving make sure to subscribe to our dear future wifey youtube channel we're available on apple podcast google podcast spotify and stitcher we welcome your support simply share our podcast with your friends

Channel: Dear Future Wifey

Views: 19,055

Rating: 4.9340401 out of 5

Keywords: dallas, love, podcast, relationships, black love matters, black men, Christianity, healing, weddings, marriage

Id: HWVaYQS8JpA

Length: 56min 14sec (3374 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 04 2021