E;R: Deadpool is an origin story, through and through. This is unfortunate, because origin stories suck and shouldn't be a thing. You know why? Because they're not real stories. [Stamp]
Because they're not real stories. Because they're not real stories. That's why they have to tack "origin" onto it, to trick you into thinking that they are. But deep down, we all know that they are a framing device separating us from the real deal, like the chocolate wafers to an Oreo. DONALD TRUMP: No more Oreos! E;R: So why are origin stories a thing? Two words: Emotional. High. Because the main plot of the movie ain't enough to keep these oversized children in their seats, well, you gotta throw in some prior tragedy. In the case of, say, Spider-Man —the movies— it's by killing Uncle Ben and laying some of the blame on Peter. The main plot is never ABOUT Uncle Ben, or Peter's relationship with him, or even getting revenge for Uncle Ben —it's just a stepping stone in the main storyline, which is about beating up some mutated green guy who wants to kill Spider-Man really, reaaally badly, for no especially concrete reason. Every time they reboot Spider-Man, they include the Uncle Ben origin story, even though everyone is in their theater seats, already perversely anticipating his death. COP FROM Spider-Man: Stay back! Stay back! PETER PARKER: That's my uncle! CAILLOU FROM Caillou: Oh yes daddy! KAGEROU SHOUKIIN FROM Inu x Boku SS: Sadist! E;R: Why do they do this? Because Spider-Man's really fucking boring without it. Sans that, he's got no reason to do anything. He has no higher goals, except for maybe to bang Mary-Jane or Gwen Stacy or whomever the fuck. He doesn't give two shits about the Green Goblin in the Sam Raimi films. He doesn't put a whole lot of effort into finding his parents' killers in The Amazing Spider-Man films. There's just no emotional investment, unless you set aside a handful of scenes to kill a loved one. Because then it's personal; because then, there's an emotional high to disguise that lack of emotional investment in the main story. Marvel is a terrible offender of this. By the time we got to The Avengers, the heroes were all left hanging around with nothing to do. Iron Man didn't give a shit anymore about the proliferation of weapons, like what drove him in his origin story. Thor only mentions something in passing about (((Natalie Portman))), who was his focus in his origin story. Captain America didn't have anymore "Nazis" to defeat, and his love interest was probably in an old folks' home. And nobody cares about the Hulk. [Bass-amplified] HULK CRUSHED. [Normally] These heroes' stories just didn't matter anymore, but they certainly made these characters SEEM deeper and more three-dimensional than they would be otherwise. And this was, of course, Marvel's plan all along. They draw you in with a little bit of emotional investment, and then they completely abandon it for a blockbuster spectacle, and then introduce s'more investment, and then abandon it for a blockbuster spectacle. Ad infinitum. Congrats, Marvel. Ya figured it out! Deadpool is more of the same, only it's done in conjunction with 20th Century Fox. They're drawing you in now, but the plot elements of this movie will be all but gone by the sequel, I guaran-fucking-tee it. Francis—or Ajax—will be meaningless in the grand scheme of things; Deadpool will be completely over his unbangability; Wade's cancer's never being brought up again, except maybe as a one-liner or two. So, honestly, his "past" never needed to be shown, or told. It doesn't inform us of anything significant enough to carry a larger narrative. I know nearly as much about Deadpool now as I did when he jumped off a bridge to murder a bunch of mercenaries at the start, but NOW I know it's because he wanted his boyish good looks restored. You could've flashed that Krueger face at us for five fucking seconds and I would've caught your drift, movie. Real quick: let's go over One Punch-Man's origin story, which, by the way, LASTS UNDER FIVE MINUTES. [Kitchen timer goes off] Three years prior to the show's timeline, Saitama was just a young man looking for work, and having a rough time of it. In his area, there is a monster menacing the city-folk: a giant half-crab man in his tighty whities named Crablante. How did this malformed atrocity of man and crab come to be? Some guy ate too much crab. ["Correct!" sound effect] CLAW THE BULLY FROM Freddi Fish 3: The Case of the Stolen Conch Shell: As president of the bully's club, I command you to leave! LUTHER: This guy is too mean to mess with! E;R: When Saitama runs across Crablante, he doesn't run away in fear. Why should he? He can't find neither a job nor a reason to live. Crablante even makes a point to call out Saitama's lifeless eyes, just like his, which is why he spares him, saying he already has a target —some big-chinned brat who drew nipples on him with permanent marker, and the fucker can't wipe it off because he has claws for hands. ["Correct!" sound effect] Fast-forward, and Saitama coincidentally runs across that big-chinned brat, who's got a fucking ballsack on the end of his face. The kid is so un-cute that Saitama contemplates just walking away, but he saves him by impulse when Crablante shows up out of nowhere. In a clever use of 4th-wall breaking, Saitama laughs at Crablante's ensuing monologue, because he reminds him of "a villain from an anime he used to watch." Saitama then doesn't turn to the screen and shoot finger-guns, though; instead, an infuriated Crablante brutally whips him across the playground for his impudence. Saitama gets back up. There are a few great lines about how he can't let the boy die because of "declining birth rates," and how he never wanted to be a salaryman—but a hero. He gets roughed up a bit, and then he KILLS Crablante by ripping out his internal organs through his eye socket. WITH HIS TIE. Deadpool's gore got nothing on this! We flash forward again, with Saitama breaking the 4th wall—I mean, narrating— that he trained so hard from that day on that he gained ALL of the power and lost ALL of his hair. So remember, One Punch Man achieves in under five minutes from a 12-episode TV show what Deadpool takes about an hour to fail to do in a movie. Saitama's flashback informs us of who Saitama was —a man despairing his own powerlessness— to the man he became —a man despairing how overpowered he is. One Punch-Man even has several scenes devoted to MOCKING origin stories, the most prominent of which being when the cyborg Genos exposits his tragic past to an increasingly frustrated Saitama, and it all culminates in Saitama losing his cool and shouting at Genos shut up and limit his description to 20 words or less. Genos' verbosity and Saitama's outburst are funny because we get that frustration. We're so damn used to being given these exhaustively detailed backstories for characters that last so long, the main story's essentially on pause until they're finished. A story that requires a pause button can't be all that exciting, can it? But because they've become such a fixture in so much storytelling, we endure it. So when a character like Genos launches into his comically emphatic backstory, and Saitama eventually snaps, well... HOMER SIMPSON FROM The Simpsons: It's funny 'cause it's true! E;R: And One Punch Man is true to its word. Backstories are brief and to the point, and Saitama and best-girl Genos make damn sure of it. This is smart. Less is usually more, and more importantly, it's not TOO much. Deadpool, on the other hand, does the opposite and gives us mostly backstory, simultaneously destroying any mystique the character of Deadpool had. After the terrific scene on the bridge, we have to put the movie on pause because —Didn't you know?— Deadpool has superpowers, and you really need to know how he got them in painfully drawn-out detail. DEADPOOL FROM Deadpool (2013 Video Game): It's so BOOORING! Deadpool has a girlfriend, and you need to know how they met and how she fucks him in the ass. MALE #1: That's so gay! MALE #2: Homo! MALE #3: You faggot! MALE #4: You're a queer, aren't you? MALE #5: Fag! MALE #6: Queer! MALE #7: Faggot! E;R: Deadpool is upset about his face, and he's really not the detached commentator you were led to believe he was. Not at all. MALE #7: Faggot! E;R: Watching this movie gave me PTSD flashbacks of Mad Maxine: Feels Road, [Woman screams] because both competently introduce their characters, but then proceed to tear them down. Only at least Feels Road had the decency to do it in real time. Deadpool should have been titled The Flash... -back. WARREN FROM Life is Strange: Whaddup, Max? How are you? MAXINE: Here's your flash—back—, thanks. WARREN: No problem... E;R: In conclusion, origin stories aren't only ABOUT cancer. They ARE cancer. I have a confession to make: I don't like the superhero genre... [Booing] for the most part!
[Booing] [Booing] I just don't get it. Why do only retarded cosplayers get powers or crazy-abundant resources? And why don't they ever use their powers to take out the root of their problems, instead of going after petty thieves all of the time? Unless you're Saitama, where you literally have to find petty thieves take down to retain your "Licensed Hero" status. But, take for instance the case of Batman: Bruce Wayne is a billionaire playboy philanthropist in Gotham City. After witnessing the murder of his parents, he swears vengeance on evildoers and... instead of using his tremendous wealth and influence to FIX Gotham City's corruption and rampant crime, he... dresses up like a bat [Smacks lips profusely] and waits on street corners to swoop down and... mug the shit out of muggers. But he won't kill them —except in Batman v Superman— so it's okay! In reality, Bruce Wayne comes off as a violent sociopath, rich enough to beat up on other violent sociopaths with no legal repercussions. This is kinda hilarious —except every Batman adaptation I've seen plays this COMPLETELY straight. Look, I'm not asking for hyper-realistic standards from comic book heroes or anything, but let's be honest: The Joker has nothing on old Brucey-Boy. THE JOKER FROM The Dark Knight: You're just a freak, like me! [Batman slams The Joker to a wall loudly] E;R: This is why, out of all the Marvel movies, I like the first Iron Man the best, because it's just about an industrialist who gets ass-blasted by some Afghanis. So he builds a robot-suit, and blows the towelheads the FUCK, OUT. It's hilarious... fuck that ending though... But I digress. Here's my main issue with the superhero genre: the setting never makes sense. Why doesn't the world ever give a shit when they are CONSTANTLY getting attacked by monsters and aliens and supervillains? Why don't they start mounting their own defenses? Superheroes are CLEARLY for clean-up duty, because by the time they arrive on-scene, everything's a fucking mess already. So why don't these universes ever invest in preventative measures? Superheroes make people so goddamn lazy! CHILD: And I wanna die! NERD: You're getting really nitpicky, man. E;R: I realize that, but, hear me out, because I'm not asking for fully-realized universes that effusively integrate superheroes and monsters. I just want a little more done than, you know, nothing at all. Now, Deadpool takes place in the Marvel Universe —except not really— but since I don't read the comics —because why fucking would I?— and I have barely seen any of the X-Men movies
—because why fucking would I?— and I have barely seen any of the X-Men movies —because why fucking would I?— we're gonna have to use the setting from the MCU movies for this one. Now, the Marvel Universe is chock-full of superpowered freaks and equivalent superpowered monstrosities and threats, and it all seemingly takes place in our world, so what difference do these things make? Well, they have this Illuminati security council of holographic talking heads, S.H.I.E.L.D., Stark Industries, and yes, an approximation of our current geopolitical environment. But is any of this really connected to the regular, everyday people that supposedly populate the setting? That is to say, is any of it REALLY connected to the world? Not really... EXCEEEEEPT when these people are being attacked. Then, all of the sudden, S.H.I.E.L.D. and The Avengers and what have you step in and matter. They save a couple of faceless people, stop the bad guys, and then they're out of the picture again. But they don't really live among these people; they don't interact with them. They might as well be hanging out on the Moon, waiting to be called upon... or on a heli-carrier. FANDRAL FROM Thor: The mortals worship you as a god! JOHNNY BRAVO FROM Johnny Bravo: Man, I'm pretty! E;R: And this is kinda the point, actually. I know all of this IS the core of the superhero fantasy: the desire to have gods swoop down and rescue us from ourselves, from those who seek to destroy us, and to willfully discard their own lives to prop up our failing, decadent societies. The ultimate in self-sacrifice; a higher power, personified; in service of the weak, of the feeble, for the sake of order and justice. But there is a subtly fascistic element to this, too, as these gods, more often than not, uphold the laws of the society they are beholden to, and do so with or without the public's approval. When the public disapproves of their vigilantism, this is generally portrayed as foolishness or outright ignorance, because the hero knows what is truly best for them. And for some superhero fans, this is a self-insert fantasy, because what guy wouldn't want to kick society's dregs to the curb with insurmountable, authoritarian force? That said, there is an implicit understanding these gods are NOT US, no matter how relatable they are made out to be. They are either born with powers beyond the capacity of man, receive these powers, but still accept the responsibility of becoming a savior, or they are filthy fucking rich. And that's all well and good, but it makes the world-building fantastically boring. Since the people will just leave everything up to their gods to handle, and the gods will do it because... eh... why not? Age of Ultron kinda had a neat idea going where Tony dares to suggest, "Hey, let's mount some actual defenses, in case of another alien invasion!" ...but then generic robot army. Winter Soldier had a similar idea, with a dangerous anti-terrorist aparatus, but then... Jewish super-"Nazis." You're trying to tell me that this Jew SPONGEBOB FROM Spongebob Squarepants: RIP. E;R: is a Nazi? Mahvel, what are ya doin'? Captain America: Civil War would have been interesting, if Iron Man weren't so fucking unbelievably WRONG. But One Punch Man, of course, reverses this entirely. In a world where Japan is one giant supercontinent, they have fucking nationwide tryouts to become heroes. Everyday people TRAIN for the chance to be an officially recognized hero. Some everyday people ARE heroes — One of them is the best. There are superhero classes depending on ability: from S-Class —gods— to C-Class —dedicated cosplayers. There are early-warning alarm systems for monster threats, rankings for disaster threat levels, and fortified anti-monster shelters for people to flock to. There is a S.H.I.E.L.D. equivalent, creatively named the "Hero Association," staffed by regular-looking people. And it's not like any of this is realistic, but One Punch Man is not aiming for that. It is just parodying a bunch of cities —literally named after alphabet letters, they're so disposable— responding to constant molestation by monsters. And with sheer parody, One Punch Man has a more realized universe than anything Marvel seems to offer with its bundle of holier-than-thou gods ROBOT: (and token ass) E;R: waiting to descend from the clouds. One Punch Man takes its world building even further, by having Saitama, well, actually live in it. Saitama is, outwardly, just like everybody else. He has to buy his own food at the local supermarket and keep tabs on when there are sales, lives in an apartment in a dilapidated, monster-infested part of town because rent is cheap, and he’s that weirdo bald guy that people stare at in public. The city folk don’t see him as a hero or even respect him, instead going as far as to call on other heroes to deal with him like he’s a deranged lunatic. He’s not anything like a higher ideal —he’s just a freak in a cape— who happens to routinely save everyone’s asses. ["Correct!" sound effect] Deadpool is not totally dissimilar. He also lives in a cheap-ass apartment and is even seen as a pest by his blind landlady. He goes to the laundromat and he has to take taxis to get to his bad guy beat-downs. Over the span of the film, he even develops a relationship with the Indian cab driver he uses as a chauffeur. These bits are good, if a bit overwritten… by a lot… but they lead me to believe the writers had some idea of what they were doing. It’s when we go a little deeper that One Punch Man and Deadpool's settings really diverge. Let’s take these scenes from them respectively, where Saitama jumps in at the last minute to punch out a freak meteor and where Deadpool attacks the convoy of cars on the bridge. Not exactly equivalent scenarios, but they’re important events in both narratives. Now, when the meteor’s on the approach to City Z in One Punch Man, the Heroes Association is trying to bring in whatever heroes are in the area to stop it. The early-warning alarm system is going off, and people are trying to get out of the city in a panic, but in reality, City Z has been written off. The city folk have been, more or less, left to die. Genos is not content to leave these people to their fate and attempts to stop the meteor himself, but in the end, he alone can’t do anything. So when all hope is lost, Saitama shows up with the timing of any good superhero and one-punches the shit out of that meteor. All’s well that ends well. Except for the meteor debris, which showers down on the city and leaves it partly in ruins. Afterward, the public is goaded into placing the blame on and harassing Saitama for it, and all the while, this arc is used to introduce and develop several characters. Cause. Effect. Cause. Effect. Now, when Deadpool takes out the convoy, killing the baddies and probably a few innocents in the process, well… nothing happens. The police don’t show; the Army doesn’t show; S.H.I.E.L.D. don’t show, not that they legally could. Only Colossus pops up with Negasonic Teenage Warhead in tow, because he saw DP on the news while he was eating his cereal —which is kinda funny. But other than this newscast, there’s no response from the setting. Deadpool’s not hunted down by the authorities for being a crazy psychopath, smashing up an interstate highway. He’s not made into public enemy #1, or even acknowledged as a criminal, or at least dangerous. Colossus just… lectures him a bit, like only he, the Xavier School, and Deadpool are all that truly exist. Cause. Effeeeehhhh..? It’s things like this that make or break a setting for me. The presence of Deadpool doesn’t change his surroundings; [Man's screaming muffled in background] he’s only real in a very secluded, roped-off section of freaks. There’s this one part where he jumps out of a garbage truck after using it as a free ride, and the driver doesn’t even bat an eye. He’s a dude dressed from head to toe in red and he’s got swords strapped to his back. What is he, your friendly, neighborhood kook? MARY-JANE FROM Spider-Man 2: Who are you? PETER PARKER: You know who I am. MARY-JANE: I do? DEADPOOL FROM Deadpool (2013 Video Game): Deadpool! Marvel anti-hero extraordinaire! E;R: He’s so ordinary in this setting that he might as well not be the costumed freak he parades himself around as. ["Correct!" sound effect, but at half-speed] Hell, even Saitama prompts mothers to drag their children away from him. Hey, you know what did the superpowered freak in a normal setting format really well? The first half of Hancock. You know what did the superpowered freak in a normal setting format extremely poorly? The second half of Hancock. You know what did a superhero-infused setting extremely well? Not to fellate Japan’s teeny weenie any more than I already have, but Tiger & Bunny is one of the few superhero stories I genuinely love. And that’s because its world building is its bread and butter. In Tiger & Bunny, heroes are so mainstream, they’re reality TV stars, and their shtick is taking out bad guys for TV ratings and points that essentially preserve their careers. Their positions on the show dictate their ability to get sponsorships by companies, even real-life ones like Pepsi, Bandai, and Amazon. By the by, this is how you do product placement, folks, instead of having a character randomly bring up TGI Friday's because “ha-ha, real-world references are funny.” WADE: They have wonderful TGI Friday's! [Retarded girl does something retarded?] E;R: My favorite part of “Tiger & Bunny” is that if the heroes accrue property damage, their sponsors have to pay out of pocket for it. A small detail, but it’s what sold me on watching the rest of the show. This all takes place in a fictionalized version of New York City called (((Stern))) Bild City, and just look at it: it’s fucking cool! And better yet, the characters, in fact, live in it! You have Kotetsu Kaburagi, or Wild Tiger, a veteran superhero who’s just struggling to keep his job with his fading popularity and his sponsor company being taken over thanks to the collateral damage costs he’s racked up. He’s one of the older heroes amongst his peers, a romantic with old school ideas about heroism, who’s being left behind by a changing, more competitive work environment with its photo-shoots, posturing, and the commercialization of his childhood aspirations. But he’s also a lovable, scatter-brained goofball who’s trying to maintain a relationship with his younger daughter, whom he adores. And as he balances all this, he must deal with his new upstart partner at work: Barnaby Brooks, or "Bunny," the quintessential young, go-getter superhero, complete with a tragic backstory and everything. They’re polar opposites, which makes their dynamic —the focus of the show— so entertaining to watch. It’s not a perfect show —far from it, with certain plot lines that go nowhere and a lackluster ending— but it’s up there, and I can’t recommend it enough. See? I can be positive! I love things, I swear! One more thing: The crazy power level variability. Yes, MCU fans have to pretend that guys like The Punisher are on par with heroes like Dr. Strange, as if the former is not some vigilante asshole with a peashooter and the latter is not a super sorcerer who staves off extra-dimensional beings of evil. You’d think Edgemeister here would be totally irrelevant to the grand scheme of things, unless he can riddle a nigh-omnipotent monster of psychic energy with bull— [Man screaming from Death Note] [Gunshot] [Screaming] [Pistol cartridges hit the floor] [Gunshot] [Screaming] [Glass shattered by bullet] [Man screams, but starts wheezing, and coughs] It’s like how I simply cannot take Black Widow seriously. Her power is LITTLE BABY GLOCKS. At least Hawkeye has fucking explosives. BLACK WIDOW FROM The Avengers: I'm always picking up after you boys... E;R: Fuuuuck Black Widow SOOO MUUUCH. If I hear one more sardonic little comment out of her stupid little mouth… BLACK WIDOW FROM Captain America: Winter Soldier: Did I step on your moment? SPARKLE JOHNSON: Yes you did, bitch! E;R: But you never see these two getting wrecked for being, you know, mortals. In a sandbox of fucking demigods. In fact, they seem even more competent than the gods at times, as if to conceal the fact that they should dragging everybody else down because they [Distorted] DON'T HAVE SUPERPOWERS. [Normally] Now, One Punch Man has similar power level variability with its hero ranking system, where you have crazy-powerful psychics like Tatsumaki in S-class, all the way down to a guy riding his bike in C-class. Here’s the difference: What happens when Tatsumaki takes a monster head-on: [Explosion] [Trey Parker's AMERICA F*#K YEAH playing] ♪ FUCK YEAH! ♪ What happens when a certain Unlicensed Rider takes some bald socialists on: [Punch] [Woman screams] ["Correct!" sound effect] With Deadpool, like I said in Part 1, everybody’s just about equally competent in bad guy take-downery, except there’s slightly more girl power at play. COLOSSUS: I'd prefer not to woman, so please— [Colossus groans in pain at half-speed] E;R: There’s no parody, there’s no real stakes. There’s just nothing interesting here. [Steven Universe's Stronger Than You playing]
♫ Go ahead and try to hit me, if you're able ♫ [Colossus groans in pain at half-speed] [E;R sighs] Moving on. This one’s gonna be quick, because this is easily one of the more “subjective” elements. And while “subjectivity” is the biggest get-out-of-jail-free card there ever was, that’s another topic for another video. I assert that Deadpool is not that funny. DEADPOOL: You only worked for that shit-spackled Muppet fart! E;R: Now, don’t get me wrong: those opening title credits were amusing. The character’s carefree quips when he’s taking out dudes are chuckle-worthy. His interactions with Colossus and Negasonic Die-Cis-Scum are gold. But his narration and the scenes where he runs his mouth on random tangents in an attempt to sound halfway clever… Deadpool loses me there. And he does these a lot. See, the comedy with Deadpool is mostly that... Deadpool IS a comedian. WADE: Okay! Hey-ho-ho-ho! Hakuna his tatas! E;R: He talks and talks and talks until something he says will prompt a laugh, or at least a light chuckle, and there you have it. Funny. BLIND AL: I don't mind the Kullen. It's an improvement on the Hurdal. WADE: Please. [Stock laughter] anything's an improvement over the Hurdal.
[Stock laughter] anything's an improvement over the Hurdal. I'd have taken a Hemnes or a Trysil over a Hurdal. [Stock laughter] [Wade sighs] But I didn’t get excited ‘til I saw the Kullen. [Stock laughter] E;R: One Punch Man goes for a slightly different angle. The comedy with Saitama is that his very presence breaks every scenario he’s put in and that he’s tragically bored during all of it. I plainly think this is cleverer by far and that it requires more set-up for more pay-off. NERD: But doesn’t the joke get old? It’s the same thing every time, right? That Saitama’s too strong? E;R: Yes, that is the joke, every single time, and if One Punch Man hadn’t played its cards right, it would’ve gotten real old, real fast. Luckily, Saitama makes up only a fraction of the show’s runtime. Instead, One Punch Man has the cunning to not focus solely on him, but a fair bit on the surrounding cast. For instance, a lot of the internal monologing in the show is not done by Saitama, but by Genos. Or Speed of Sound Sonic. Or Bang, or, really, just about anybody else when the show can get away with it. Even characters that show up once and never again, who’re scared shitless by threats that Saitama wouldn’t even blink at. Because those characters have a concrete stake in this world, so the show focuses disproportionately on them. As the show progresses and the threats escalate and become more dangerous, they are the ones most affected, not Saitama. They are the set-up. Saitama is just the one punchline. One-Punchline? ZIM FROM INVADER ZIM: Yes, yes. I'm a master of comedy! E;R: That’s just my thoughts on that. You can disagree if you want. But then you’d be wrong. WADE: What is that? WEASEL: That's a shit emoji. You know, it's the turd with the smiling face and the eyes? I thought it was chocolate yogurt for so long... [Bolin from "The Legend of Korra" laughing nervously] BOLIN FROM The Legend Of Korra: So... so funny... [Red panda squeaks painfully]
BOLIN FROM The Legend Of Korra: So... so funny... DEADPOOL: But some of the best stories start with a murder. And that's exactly what this is: a love story. COACH GUNDY: It's garbage! E;R: Here’s the romance in Deadpool: “Hi, I’m quirky.” “Hello, I am also similarly quirky like yourself, perhaps even more so. I also fuck strangers for money.” “Can I get a discount?” And then they bang, okay. They bang a LOOOOT. Welp, this is as real a depiction of a modern day relationship I’ve ever seen put to film. Which is why it’s boooring. I’m being a bit facetious, but it really is boring. For one thing, I don’t really know why these two are attracted to one another, aside from them both being attractive people. All they did was trade some one-liners. Romance! For another, she pegs him in the ass. Hurr, because it was International Wymyn’s Day. It’s funny because modern men might as well be castrated... MORENA BACCARIN: It's incredibly refreshing to see a female character in a superhero movie like this, um, that is just as strong, you know, as the guy is. Kind of amazing for the first time to see a character like this in a superhero movie. She can throw down with the boys. MARY MALEY: I'm going to pepperspray you in the face! [Man screams in agony] That's what I'm gonna do to you! HAROLD HOGAN FROM “Iron Man 2”: I got him! MORENA: ...Just as strong as the guy is... E;R: Remember when men were the men in relationships? MORENA: By the time I put on the strap-on, RYAN REYNOLDS: Yeah?
MORENA BACCARIN: and I was behind Ryan, we were fairly comfortable with each other at that point. MORENA BACCARIN: and I was behind Ryan, we were fairly comfortable with each other at that point. RYAN: I-I-I so wish you were kidding... she's not. E;R: Yeah, me fucking neither. I guess this is all s’posed to be subversion of the usual romance plot in superhero films, where it takes the entire movie for the superhero to get the girl, whereas Deadpool just bangs her immediately because… whores. Or, well, she bangs him. [Man screams incredbibly loudly] Here’s the romance in One Punch Man: Genos. Best. Waifu. [R.E.M.'s It's the End of the World as We Know It playing] ♫ It's the end ♫ So, of these two, which do you think has a happier ending? [Think! from Jeopardy! playing] If you chose Deadpool, unequivocally, you’d be right! Deadpool's ending is disgustingly happy and subverts nothing at all! He stops the bad guy in an admittedly humorous way, gets the girl, doesn’t get his face, but luckily it’s one of those “you wasted everyone’s time because what really mattered was inside you all along” bullshit endings. In fact, his girlfriend doesn’t care about his fugly face (YEAH RIGHT) and so, he suddenly doesn’t care, either (YEAH FUCKING RIGHT). Then the camera pulls back and Deadpool tells us what a happy ending it is. Literally, he tells us. [Fast forward] DEADPOOL: Who doesn't love a happy ending, huh? E;R: Contrast this with One Punch Man, where the ending has the top heroes locked in combat with a regenerating alien-monster while, unbeknownst to them, Saitama faces Lord Boros,
E;R: Contrast this with One Punch Man, where the ending has the top heroes locked in combat with a regenerating alien-monster while, unbeknownst to them, Saitama faces Lord Boros, the first threat to not have gone down with a single punch. What follows is one of the most epic showdowns put to TV animation. [THE HERO!!'s Ikareru Kobushi ni Hi wo Tsukero plays] ♫ One punch!!! ♫ ♫ Three! ♫ ♫ Two! ♫ ♫ One! ♫ ♫ Kill shot! ♫ ♫ Sanjou! ♫ ♫ Hisshou! ♫ Has Saitama finally met his match?
♫ Hisshou! ♫ Has Saitama finally met his match? BOROS: No, not yet! [Slam!] [Sonic boom] [Aliens screaming in terror] [Rapid-fire punching action] [Wham!] [Electric sparking] E;R: Nah. Turns out, Saitama was holding back all along to give this guy the fight of his life, the thrill he himself so desperately craves. Boros was never a threat. He wasn’t even a challenge, as Boros wretchedly realizes moments before his own demise. Saitama is just too powerful. While the show ends on a handful of hopeful and comedic notes, it’s tinged with a taste of bittersweetness, because ultimately, nothing’s really changed for Saitama. Probably nothing ever will. God, it’s like the whole thing was subvers-- You know what’s really hard? (Editor's note: My dick) Creating a fictional world that feels unique but lived in, populated with relatable, but exceptional people, with fantastic problems that are somehow believable, and during all of this, persuading audiences, if only for a little while, to forget that what they’re seeing isn’t real. You know what’s really easy? Placing characters in a box and having them point to the 4th wall and say, “I was just bullshitting you this whole time, but you already knew that, didn’t you?” One Punch Man made me smile, made me laugh, got me pumped up and excited, and it even made me tear up. This scene right here warmed a heart I never knew I had. Deadpool gave me whiplash. In one scene, it would be throwing back the curtain to proudly display how meta and self-aware it all was, but then in the next, Wade has cancer now and no, he’s not parodying how tired and clichéd such an origin story is. He’s taking himself… super seriously, and it’s supposed to be sad and tragic and emotional and, —haha— wait, now he’s killing bad guys with reckless abandon, and —ohhh— now he’s depressed about his terminal case of Forever Alone mug, and —LOL— he’s moving the camera away and pointing out studio constraints, but —Oh no, his girl got kidnapped and now he’s forgotten the audience can see how he’s genuinely upset about it! Deadpool made me confused as it broke the 4th wall and then, as quickly as it happened, pretended it didn’t exist. It promised me one thing, DEADPOOL: You're probably thinking, "My boyfriend said this was a superhero movie!" Well, I may be "super," but... [Chuckles] I'm NO hero. E;R: and then unknowingly gave me the opposite. [Coin collecting sound from Super Mario Bros.]
[Starman Theme from Super Mario Bros. playing] [Starman Theme from Super Mario Bros. playing] [Bump sound effect from Super Mario Bros.]
[Starman Theme from Super Mario Bros. playing] [Starman Theme from Super Mario Bros. playing] [Coin collecting sound from Super Mario Bros.]
[Starman Theme from Super Mario Bros. playing] [Starman Theme from Super Mario Bros. playing] [Coin collecting sound from Super Mario Bros.]
[Starman Theme from Super Mario Bros. playing] [Starman Theme from Super Mario Bros. playing] DEADPOOL: I may be "super," but,
[Starman Theme from Super Mario Bros. playing] [Chuckles]
[Starman Theme from Super Mario Bros. playing] I'm NO hero.
[Starman Theme from Super Mario Bros. playing] JOHN CENA: Are you sure about that?
[Starman Theme from Super Mario Bros. playing] E;R: It delighted in its ball jokes and colorful cursing and raunchiness and off-color, glib obscenity, COLOSSUS: Language, please! GRUNT: SUCK A COCK! E;R: and then asked me to care about its crude caricatures as if they were real people. Deadpool left me bitter and unsatisfied. The reason I was so floored by One Punch Man was because it took a genre that I find intrinsically lazy and it flipped it on its head to make a fun and, above all, SMART action-comedy. Deadpool, however, was just a nihilistic reiteration of superhero themes and tropes, so enchanted by its own meta insight that it forgot to provide any real depth. One Punch Man will be remembered fondly as a tongue-in-cheek love letter to a genre beloved by many. The Caped Baldy standing on the shoulders of giants. [Saitama laughing maniacally] And Deadpool... Deadpool will be remembered for being rated R. Its popularity, I promise you, will only spell future disenfranchisement with superheroes. No, you haven’t seen the last of Deadpool, but eventually… you’re gonna wish you had. I don’t want to end this video on such a negative note. So, uh... I liked the recent Boku no Hero Academia anime a lot. FUCK YEEEEEAAAAAAH! It was decent. DEADPOOL: Superhero landing. She's gonna do a superhero landing, wait for it! [Shockwave] WHOOO!
[Shockwave] [Shockwave] Superhero landing! You know, that's really hard on your knees. Totally impractical, they all do it.
