We ended up frustrating the GM in our Dungeons & Dragons game by not playing characters that were... uh... heroes, exactly? We were in a town that the GM revealed to us was run by a nefarious family that was murdering humans. "Oh my gosh. They're killing humans. We're all at risk! Oh wait. I forgot that only Katia and I are humans here. Well guess there's only one thing for us to do..." [humming] "Wait, what are you...? What are you guys...?" "Packing my bags! Time for us to be heading on out of here." I mean why would I stay? That sounds really dangerous. People could be hurt! More importantly, like I could be hurt! In the GM's benevolence he let us leave town and faff about for three sessions before he realized we had to head back to town and resolve the plot. When we captured one of the major cultists we interrogated him. You always wonder what's going on in a villain's head. "You may have stopped me, But I am merely a servant of the Dark Lord, master of shadows who will come soon and bring about the end of this cruel world And then and only then will my work be fulfilled!" "What the f*ck is wrong with you people!? Seriously, what is wrong with you people?" After fighting our way through several continents, we started to talk about what we were doing and our purpose in the world "Are we the bad guys here?" "Pbbt. Of course we're not the bad guys. We've done lots of good person things." -"Like?" -"Uh... "Remember the ship that we saved? That was a good thing!" "The one we ended up destroying when you led the Kraken there and it attacked them, killing everyone on board?" "Okay, I genuinely thought we could handle it! What- what about the time we killed all those zombies at the manor? That was a good thing." "We thought it was good until we found out that one of the zombies yelling at us was just trying to warn us of the danger and then since we killed it, now it's coming back to us for revenge." "Well, Remember when the guy asked us to retrieve those four black crystals, and we did it for him. That was a nice thing." "Oh, the ones he's currently using to summon his Dark Master and bring about the end of the world? Those ones? "Oh my god! Are we the bad guys? I don't want to be chaotic evil!" "You guys aren't chaotic evil. You're pure." [hopeful gasp] "Pure evil!" "Oh noes. I don't want to be evil!" "Nope, you're evil now. Pure evil." "Well, maybe if we do something good, we'll go back to being the good guys." "That's not how alignment works." "How _do_ alignments work?" I think in the end of it all, we were probably villains in another party's game. It brings me no end of joy to think that in some future game There's going to be a ragtag group of adventurers That ends up trying to hunt us down and come to our dark fortress after we accidentally led to the end of the world. "If you guys aren't the villains, why are all the plants around your home nothing but blackened ash?" "Hello? Gardening is expensive! Swear to you, it's just a money home. We're going for a more Western look." "What about the lava sharks in that moat of fire?" "Alright, we were at a dungeon, and we saw these cute lava sharks, And I failed my wisdom save against their adorable charm effect, now they're our pets. I feed them snacky cakes." "And the dark, rising spire with pulsating evil?" "The view from up there is just to die for! Hahaha I mean seriously. We've killed people up there." Thanks for watching, and I'll see you guys next time.(acoustic outro music)
