Day in my Life *depressed edition

[Music] so [Music] wow [Music] hello hello this is for my depressed girlies today that's your trigger warning i'm talking about depression today i honestly feel like this little depressive episode snuck up on me we're just getting into it we're just getting right into it guys i have struggled with depression anxiety my entire life i don't know a single day in my life when i haven't carried depression with me sometimes it just gets worse than others i'm not i want people to feel bad for me i'm not sad about it it's just who i am it's a part of my life there are great things in my life like i'm so lucky in so many ways but my brain hates me so today we're going to talk about what i do when i have fallen into a depressive episode when i came home from coachella i realized my house is a [ __ ] disaster and i have no i don't have the ability to pick it up i can't focus on anything i can't get any work done i can't complete like basic tasks to take care of myself so this vlog is me doing that and i want to thank you guys for giving me a reason to do that because i feel like if i didn't have this reason right now i wouldn't have the strength to just do it myself there's so many things i need to do like this apartment needs to be cleaned my laundry needs to be done i need to unpack my stuff but i think the thing that's stressing me out the most right now is work stuff and like just getting basic emails done that are really easy to do but i have been putting off because they make me have anxiety thinking about just answering emails it's like debilitating so i made myself a coffee because it felt lovely i felt like i was treating myself and now i'm going to go do these tasks that i don't want to do while i'm sipping my coffee and i just set out a time for it i'm going to put on a podcast and we're going to get that first initial thing done right now it's 9 30 a.m a little later that i'd like to be starting but at least i'm out of bed and we're starting [Music] okay so next i have to make something to eat though i didn't go to the grocery store when i got back because that's disgust very difficult to do basic tasks um and i didn't tell joe that i didn't go to the grocery store because if i did he would have ordered me groceries and i can't keep letting him do that he's very kind to take care of me when i'm feeling this way but i'm gonna make something that's in here because i need to eat i have eggs i have these kiwis from last week see if these are still good and eat those and then i have these epic everything bagels that are actually like protein bagels so i feel like there's like one piece of mold on this but this is this is like real depression guys i'm just gonna take it off shockingly these are clean because i did do that i was drinking water and stuff out of wine glasses two of my friends from l.a that i haven't seen in a while actually one of them lives in norcal now for those of you who have watched for a while it's iman and kelsey um they want to do like a happy hour tonight which i normally wouldn't suggest drinking when i'm depressed but i do want to participate with my friends and i do want to chat with them and catch up with them so i'm going to do something i might have a little bit of red wine and here we are now i need a big glass of water because that's very important and now i'm going to sit down and eat and finish just a few more things for work and then it's time to clean which i've been putting off because i just don't want to do it but i need to i think i'll make me feel better [Music] do [Music] the kitchen is done i still can't believe i did this we're clean we're good this is where i would also stop normally um if i wasn't filming this because i feel exhausted i'm just doing that there's a lot more to do and there's still stuff left in the room and i'm kind of on a little bit of a timer because i have been meeting in about 40 minutes so wait do i meet him right now no i've been meeting in like an hour okay wow relax let's go ahead and get the rest of the stuff cleaned i do have a lot of stock of full disclosure over here a ton of clothes stuff to unpack in there so i don't really know where to start but i'll just start somewhere and then hopefully it comes together [Music] [Music] [Music] all right so i feel very proud of myself for doing all the cleaning out here there is still quite a bit left in my room and in my bathroom but i'm going to take a very short break i do feel a little bit better after cleaning also last night i wore my aura ring to sleep i love this thing i will link below for you guys i think my link you can get 50 off of an order ring if you want one basically tracks like your heart rate and how active you are just like through the day and then it uh tracks your sleep so last night i slept five hours and 20 minutes not good i usually get around eight hours of sleep per night i got four percent rem sleep so i had room sleep for 13 minutes which you're supposed to have like 30 i believe let me click on it rem sleep makes up anywhere between five to fifty percent of your total sleep time on average the optimal amount for healthy adult starts from 1.5 hours so i had 13 minutes of it which is probably part of the reason i'm so tired i get all the deep sleep in the world i'm such a deep sleeper and uh it basically just will like rate your sleep explain to you like when you were sleeping when you were moving i just think it's interesting and it i think a lot of like your hormone fluctuations that affects depression and anxiety a lot so paying attention to when i'm falling asleep is helpful for regulating those so i'm really all about trying to regulate my hormones lately um for my body physically and for my mind another thing i want to note for anyone who's like going through this right now because i know you i just kind of like hunker down and deal with the depression when it happens like when an actual wave comes because like i said it's always kind of present but like sometimes it's just way more intense than other times i kind of let myself have a moment to just be and feel it like i do feel really guilty and i do feel anxious more so when i'm not busy and like doing everything i need to be doing but i also know that like i do need to give myself that moment to just relax for a second and sit with it for a second instead of trying to like cover it up and distract myself because i feel like i just deserve a little mini rest so when i got home from coachella that was on monday evening pretty late and then i'm filming this it's thursday right now so i had like two days of sleeping and being a little bit lazier the first day i just like laid on this couch forever another thing i think is really important that you've seen me do already today and what i'm doing right now is have little moments of like celebration for what you just did or what you're currently doing like in the morning when i find it's a treat to make my coffee and sit down and drink my coffee because i enjoy that process i'll do my emails which were giving me so much anxiety this whole week and while i was doing them i was having anxiety just like fighting through answering these things they're not like logically they're not anxiety-inducing like it's nothing crazy but there's something about it i just had so much like resistance to it so i had my coffee and it felt like okay i'm doing this nice thing for myself while i'm doing something i don't like that meeting i was talking about earlier is actually happening in 40 minutes so that it was happening much earlier so maybe i'll take a little power nap real fast am i gonna let myself i think it might be good for me maybe so one thing i wanted to note that i realized in the meeting was it would have been easy for me to just lay down all day after i took that little mini power nap which was great by the way i only slept like 20 minutes but it was nice and had i not had this meeting and like a full team of four people waiting for me on the line i don't think i would have gotten up to do it and now that i did it i'm happy that i did it but i don't think i would have had i not made a commitment to other people so that's another thing i do when i'm depressed i don't try to make too many commitments but i do try to make at least plans with people either meeting-wise or like to leave my house and go see friends because i know i'm going to enjoy it at some level but getting there is just so [ __ ] hard so if they're waiting on me i have to show up and i do that a lot when i am feeling like a depressive episode because the show must go on like i still have to work i still have to have meetings i still have to make a paycheck so i can pay my rent so that's one thing i do to kind of pull me out of it and keep me going is plan out social interactions so i'm one prepared for it and two so i'll actually do it look who it is squinch hello all you people i ordered dog bees because it was gonna get here so fast so that's what we're doing today i've been eating pretty shitty for the last couple of days like just so much ice cream and sugar not helpful so today i got something healthy i got a salmon i got cucumber tomato salad with with feta it's like actually so good and then instead of eating a bunch of sugar which i probably will still have some ice cream later i got some french fries wow this is luxury and now i'm going to find something to watch that's like a little bit happy with watching a serial killer thing but it's kind of bumming me out so let's watch something else oh i've been watching life in life and beth on hulu with amy schumer and i think it's really cute it's an easy thing to watch she's she's honestly so funny as like a writer she's so good [Music] hmm [Music] time [Music] i have about 10-ish minutes until my friends are gonna hop on a facetime and we'll see if everyone's like on time but i'm gonna start putting away these clothes and then i gotta put away all the stuff from last weekend [Music] say hi to the vlog just say hi i'm helping peyton cure her depression by explaining [Music] [Music] [Music] all right so i got as much done as i could but like we talked about earlier sleep is really important i really should go to sleep but i didn't quite get to unpacking my suitcase yet and normally i'm so hard on myself i feel like for my whole life i've been so hard on myself because i have this like internal to-do list that i have to do that i make up for my own self and now i mean at 28 i'm like what i mean what are you doing why are you making your own self miserable i'm gonna say i am proud of myself today i feel like it would have been super easy and just very natural for me to not do much at all and i feel like i've got a lot done i feel like i organized a lot i feel like i've started the process of making my day-to-day life better which i know brain chemical wise is really going to help me with the whole depression thing even though today felt really really hard but thank you guys so much for watching this vlog i feel like i've never done a day in my life depressed because i don't worry that it's going to be a downer because i know so many people are like i love when you do something like this because i relate to it so much but sometimes i just don't want to add to negativity and i feel like some people might misconstrue this as negative i talk about a lot of this stuff on tick tock as well as my podcast the podcast is more like long form obviously and i talk a lot more about depression actually if you guys have any like specific topics regarding depression that you want me to cover i'm happy to do so just comment them down below but definitely go listen to the podcast about lifelong anxiety and depression if this video is resonating with you because i feel like that episode will also resonate with you a lot uh otherwise you can find me on instagram at peyton starting and i will see you guys in the next video [Music]

Channel: Payton Sartain

Views: 79,561

Keywords: depression help, tips for depression, life with depression, Payton Sartain depression, depressed day in my life, mental health month, mental health vlog, day in my life dallas, day in my life, dallas vlog, Payton Sartain dallas, living with anxiety, anxiety help, anxiety tips, anxiety vlog

Id: u4chDqIcNbw

Length: 16min 48sec (1008 seconds)

Published: Mon May 02 2022