Dave On Jay Leno Vs. Conan O'Brien | Letterman

by the way did you hear this that  Conan O'Brien is taking over The   Tonight Show did you hear that when  when does that happen it happens in uh 2009 five years from now five years from now  yeah Jay Leno has decided he's stepping down   after in five years J Leno stepping down yeah  it's apparently getting to him so in five years   he's stepping down in five years but he does  nothing but work he I don't know I don't know   anything about this and there so they announced  that NBC releases a Conan O'Brien he'll be doing   The Tonight Show good for him that's fantastic  I was you wonder if I can get a tape over there   and U maybe a little late yeah a little late but  anyway all our best to Conan when he takes the job   in 2009 five years for now yeah I think Hal's  Comet comes back in 2008 ah no but it's great   that's funny about Jay L though I don't understand  any stepping down I don't get any of it I guess   he'll do play spend more time in Vegas I guess I  don't know I guess I don't know I think he said he   couldn't take it another minute so he's leaving in  2009 five years yeah how does stuff like that work   I don't know it's wonderful though C O'Brien's  great yeah he's a nice guy yeah you know you and I   used to have that show we had the old con O'Brian  the old con O'Brien show follow get that again CU   it' be an opening there yeah we' have some fun  yeah um having fun now oh we are I know I know   uh and so here's what happened they uh Jay Leno  of course had been the host of The Tonight Show   for like 17 years and and he said yeah I think I'd  like to do something else I think I don't know and   then he says uh you know what i' i' I'm having  trouble staying up this late is that how is that   how it happened that's exactly what it happened  I see he he said it's ruining my home life I'm I   so I can't he said is there any chance you could  put me on a little a little earlier so they put   him on at 10 p.m. with a fantastic variety show  it was it was a wonderful program and now they   take our old friend Conan O'Brien who who took  over our show and did our show they they gave   him the the old Tonight Show so now everybody's  got a show and then they bring in a likable young   newcomer Jimmy Fallon yeah he's on on the program  and and then now also out there in the osphere is   Carson Dy who I've never seen in my life you  never seen him personally show seen I have no   idea who that is either either way never seen him  in my life and he's got a show he's he's like the   the Pluto of talk shows it's like is it really a  show is it is it a planet is it not a planet is it   a show a show yeah we don't understand all right  and so now all of a sudden the the NBC says you   know what this is this is not what we want we're  going to take a Jay out of the 10 p.m. show and   put him on at 11:30 back on his old show and and  he'll go on for like a half an hour half an hour   show yeah and then that's what they used to do  on the old Dumont network isn't they just like   a 20 minute show that's right that's the kind  of thing that how much do you have well I got   about 18 minutes fine you got a show did an 18  minute show uh Conan wants to be on The Tonight   Show and all Jay wants to do we know two things  about Jay he likes to tell jokes at 11:30 tell   jokes at 11:30 and he and he works on he has an  old truck he works got an old truck he loves he   loves getting in there to Tinker hey amus bring me  some bring me some motor oil naavis bring me some   M bring me some Quaker State Mavis Mavis bring  me some you got any P state so here's what you   do you have Conan they come out together they're  co-hosting Nitro they're co-hosting I agree Conan   Conan comes out and he says good evening ladies  and gentlemen welcome to the night show and now   here's Jay to tell his little jokes and then Jay  Jay comes out and tells his little jokes and then   the show begins and then Jay will do a segment  and then Conan will do a segment and Jay will   do a segment and Conan now that's how you fix it  Tonight Show I don't know what to tell you to do   about Carson Daly I got no Solutions there I'm  sorry in the television industry there are two   types of talk show hosts Jay Leno and those who  have been victimized by Jay Leno these are their [Music] stories January 2010 Conan O'Brien hosts his final  Tonight Show March 2010 Jay Leno resumes   hosting the Tonight Show July 2042 NBC  converts Jay Leno into a cyborg so we can   host the tonight's show through the 23rd  Century folks it's Monday night time for   headline thanks for watching the local  news Starts Now I don't know if you're   aware exactly of what's going on uh at  NBC uh but we talked about it a little bit and U and it's it's h Jay yes it's Conan and  it's me and every now and then Jimmy Kimmel comes   in and causes some trouble which is great yeah  just fantastic so uh and nobody knows what to   do uh Conan would like to stay they said no you  should go and he said no I want to stay and and   so now they got to throw him out but to throw him  out he gets 30 million doll and Jay of course all   Jay keeps saying is yeah you know I think there's  room for everybody I think there's room for everybody and so and so now all of a sudden Comes  This outpouring of anger directed at Jay who is is   is America's best friend he's the guy next door  when you need to borrow a wrench to fix your   lawnmower or when you need your lawnmower fix J  come over and he's got his blue jeans on and he's   got his blue jean shirt yeah and he and he you  know got got that thing and he okay let's rolls   up his sleeve and he goes to work so now all of  a sudden this outpouring of people are upset and   leave Conan alone and you had your uh variety show  at 10 leave Conan give Conan his show at 11:30 and   don't be such a bully go somewhere else get your  own show get your own show and and now uh people   are jumping on Jay it's unprecedented I've never  seen anything and I keep saying to people well   what what has he done wrong he's just kind of  doing what the network tells him to do you know   they say Jay go to 10 yeah okay not a bad idea  right so they they say they say Jay all right   Jay the 10:00 didn't work come back to 11:30  okay sure if that's what you want right so and now and and now uh Conan will be free to go plus  he's got $30 million so it's hard to feel bad for   anybody you know because everybody makes out in  this deal uh and then I pick up the uh New York   Times uh on uh when is this this was I guess  Friday morning uh the 15th Friday January the   15th uh 2010 everybody is getting into the story  here's the headline can you see it right there   executive leaps to Leno's defense so I thought  well really now they got NBC Executives defending   a Jay who here to for why has he needed defending  he hasn't what has he done you know has they done   nothing so listen to this so it's a guy who runs  NBC Sports named dick everol now I've known dick   everol you've known dick EOL years when we worked  at NBC I've known dick EOL since the late 70s and   he was a guy and he was always a guy and he still  is a guy and and and he he he came in to NBC and   he's the one that said get the Olympics get  the Olympics get the Olympics and it's been a   tremendous success and now they got the Winter  Olympics coming up pretty soon in a couple of   weeks so now all of a sudden dick everol feels  he's got to get in there and help big jaw he   should be up there picking out sweaters for Bob  Costas he doesn't he doesn't have time for this so now Bob Bob turn around let me see the  one with the reindeer all right turn there   all right now try the Plaid one Bob all right  let's see what that looks like on camera what   about a scarf to go with that Bob kind of a thing  like that when you're out there with the bob sled   boys a thing like that why don't you look into  that get yourself a scarf gloves get him some   gloves so now here's what EOL says out of the  blue and I'm thinking oh dick dick dick dick uh   the verbal barbs in this late night War uh got  louder Thursday as a top NBC executive struck   back against onair attacks on the networks once  and future Tonight Show host Jay Leno now this   is what he said out of nowhere he didn't need  to talk about this he really doesn't you know   leave us alone we're having fun referring to  the pointed jokes made this week by Mr O'Brien   and David Letterman of CBS Mr EOL said it was  chicken-hearted and gutless to blame uh blame guys   you couldn't beat in the ratings chicken-hearted  and gutless that's what he said he's calling   me and cot no bran chicken-hearted  and gutless I can't speak for Conan o'b I for the sake of the discussion yes I'm  chicken-hearted and yes I'm gutless but   these two characteristics have  nothing to do with the current   situation I'm telling jokes and making  fun of Jay Leno over and over and over   relentlessly mercilessly simply for one  reason and that is I'm really enjoying it it's I don't know it's just [Laughter] fun Conan has been offered $30 million to walk  away from his NBC contract team Conan con I do I'm   team Conan I do like Jay Leno as well but Conan's  just hilarious we're Team Letterman though are   actually yeah well I won't say [Music] anything  that was great that's a CBS affiliate k o i n TV   Portland Oregon that is that is great yeah that's  traffic reporter Carla Kennelly well she's Team   Coco for her that's right yeah actually yeah well  I won't say anything okay she won't no she can't   Can You Feel The Love ladies and gentlemen you got  it baby I mean is it any wonder I pound out of bed   every morning with a smile on my face ah those are  our children your children that's right k o i n   Portland Oregon God bless you Carly thank you very  much so last night uh Jay gave his state of the   network speech he did and state of the network  state of the network and uh I I saw state of network and he said that we should not blame Conan  for what's going on don't blame Conan don't blame   Conan for what's going on and I said to myself  no one is blaming I was I was going to say no one and he he further elucidated that what who  who we should actually blame are Conan's   agents and managers we should blame  them because this is what they do and   then Jay pointed out that he himself has no  agent or manager so I'm begging you ladies   and gentlemen on behalf of everyone involved  please don't blame con don't blame con please okay I know a lot of you people think that Conan  pushed himself out of a job well don't blame him he's not that kind of guy he would  never do that to himself you're saying   this is vintage J please don't blame okay  that's all I got tonight all right that's Jay also let us know last night that Conan is  a family guy apparently yeah good he said he   was a good family Good Family Guy good family  man that's right I hope you're not planning on   blaming Conan are you well I wasn't I mean in  the thousands and thousands of words that have   been printed about this mess who has blamed  no one I don't think so no one has blamed Conan yeah yeah whatever you do  don't blame Conan it's it's just   business okay no not please kind of  like a family he's a decent Family Guy when when NBC said said uh they sent a couple  of guys they sent a couple of guys to my office uh   one was uh the the redhaired guy with the beard  and the other was their attorney John aolia war   in Littlefield yeah oh I remember this yes they  they sent these guys uh to my office to tell me   I wasn't uh going to get the tonight's show  and so I thought it over and said okay fine   well enough let's settle up uh Paul and I Paul  got fired well I yeah stealing stealing office   supplies white out and things like staplers so I  said well it couldn't be more clear that there's   no room for me here at NBC so uh the folks at CBS  the good dear Folks at CBS said Dave come on over   come on over come on over do your little show  here yeah uh so when when five years ago when   NBC said to Jay you know what Conan's going to  take over your job in 5 years that's when you   say okay fine no hard feelings you call it  ABC you call Fox you try to get my job you   leave you don't you don't yeah okay but if I'll  be in the lobby you know if you need don't hang around you you you go across the street and you   punish NBC and you make them eat your  words right right and and then and then then Conan has a job Jay has a job I have  a job that what's his name Lonnie donigan what's   his name yeah guy Jimmy Fallon Jimmy Fallon has a  job I know I think Lonnie Lonnie donagan and and   and he has a job too yeah and and Jimmy Kimmel has  a Jobim yeah see that's the way these things are   supposed to work it's it's just part of evolution  Darwin it's an early darwinian precept darwi you   get fired get another gig don't hang around  waiting for somebody to to to drop dead well I   feel I've gone too far yet again tonight people  now uh are and this is how people are they're   upset with me well they're always upset with upset  with you yeah upset with me because uh they say   there's an an inequity in my attack on Jay Leno  versus Conan O'Brien they say that I've been   telling way too many jokes about Jay and and not  enough jokes about Conan in the interest of fair   play and and Lord knows if I don't stand for fair  play what do I stand for what huh if I don't stand   for fair play then then what do you stand for what  do you stand for if you don't stand for something   you'll fall for anything that's right hey I heard  that yeah so uh in the interest of equality here   we're now going to we had one of our writers Joe  grman we said Joe yeah listen you got to help us   out here we need some jokes about Conan uh we've  had plenty of jokes about Jay oh big jaw Leno but   now we need some jokes about uh Conan big hair  O'Brien yeah he does have a pidor yeah so he said   I'm your guy I can write jokes here he is ladies  and gentlemen Joe Grossman how you doing how's   it going everything good yeah feeling good yeah  you working hard yeah you playing hard yes that's   all I need to hear my friend uh you got anything  planned for the weekend I'm seeing a play in a basement now Joe you understand what  we're talking about people are saying   too many jokes about Jay we need some jokes  about Conan you're the guy uh you spent some   time you put together a list there of jokes  about Conan OB Brian take it away my friend   knock him dead blow the roof off the dump  here we go con O'Brien's chin is so big it   was just hired as the new spokesman for  Jenny Craig conin O'Brien owns so many   cars every Valentine's Day he sends a floral  arrangement to his mechanic Conan O'Brien's   voice is so high pitched doctors use it to  dissolve kidney stones now Joe Joe Jo Joe um though I know what that is those are  just jokes about Jay that you put Conan's   name in now uh if you don't have a joke  about Conan O'Brien I'm going to have to   ask you to leave now do you have a joke about  Conan or not hold on all right hold on hold on that's okay got one okay all right Joe Grossman  Conan O'Brien is so old every night when he   finishes taping cbs's Late Show his staff  wraps him in mummy bandages and puts him in a sarcophagus get out get [Music] no B

Channel: Letterman

Views: 256,007

Keywords: letterman, david letterman, dave letterman, interview, letterman interview, letterman official, letterman late show, letterman late night, late night, stupid pet tricks, stupid human tricks, top ten, late show, top ten list

Id: VaJgLYyKbFQ

Length: 19min 37sec (1177 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 17 2024