Black people are very afraid
of the police. That is a big part
of our culture. It doesn't matter how rich
you are, how old you are... We're just afraid of 'em.
We got every reason to be afraid of them. You know, I mean like,
you're a white lady, you ever been
pulled over before? You know, and what'd they say
to you, "Let me see your driver's
license and your registration,"
right? See? See, I'm just guessin'. (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) That's not what they say
to us. You wouldn't believe
what they say to us. "Spread your cheeks
and lift your sack." Like, what the fuck? Excuse me? "You heard me, spread open
your cheeks and lift your sack." I got a driver's license too.
There's easier ways to prove who I am
and shit. What does that prove? I can't go to the bank
like that. Cash my check, "What do you mean
you don't have any ID?" Wait a minute! "Oh... Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Chappelle,
right this way. Why didn't you spread
your cheeks in the beginning?" Scared of 'em. I'm serious man,
you ever been at a red light, the police
might pull up next to you. it won't be no big deal
for you but, I fuckin' fall apart,
"Oh, oh, nigga. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) Oh, don't look over there,
nigga. No, no, no." But I didn't always know
that was a black thing. It took me a while
to figure that out. I learned that shit
in New York. -I was in New York City...
-(CROWD CHEERS) Now I was hanging out
with a friend of mine, he was a white guy,
you know. We was just hanging' out and we were lost in the city
and you know, we were smokin' a joint. Now, I don't know
if it's a coincidence that we were lost and high
and shit but... (CROWD LAUGHS) My white buddy, he was
smokin' a joint, you know... (PUFFING) "Dave! Dave!
It's the goddamn cops." (CROWD CHEERS) "I'm gonna ask 'em
for directions." (CROWD LAUGHS) I said, "Chip! No!
Chip, don't do it!" It was too late.
He was walkin' over there, this man was high as shit.
"Excuse me... Excuse me, sir."
Touching him and shit. "Excuse me. I need some information. Uh..." Start to confessing things
you shouldn't confess. "I'm a little high. All I want to know,
which way is 3rd Street?" The cop was like,
"Hey, take it easy. You're on 3rd Street. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) You better be careful.
Go ahead, move it. Move it." That's all that happened,
that's the end of the story. (LAUGHING) Now, I know that's not
amazing to some of you. But you ask one
of these black fellows, that shit is fucking incredible,
isn't it? I'm saying a black man
would never dream of talking
to the police, high. That's a waste of weed. (CROWD LAUGHS)
