Dating & Waiting | What I Got Wrong + What I got Right! | 29 & Waiting Until Marriage | Melody Alisa

i learned the hard way don't be  like me okay don't be like me   hey everyone welcome back to my channel my name  is melody and i make faith-based content here on   youtube i post new videos every single tuesday  so if that is something you're interested in   definitely be sure to subscribe i would love  to have you join the family and if you are a   returning subscriber hey guys welcome back let's  go ahead and hop into today's video so today we   are back with episode 3 and our godly relationship  series i had previously been titling the videos   29 and waiting until marriage but now your girl  is married so it doesn't really fit anymore if you   guys have any suggestions on what we should title  this series moving forward please let me know in   the comments below i've really been struggling  and for those of you that missed the first two   episodes in episode number one i talked about the  lies that i used to believe about relationships   and the truths that god replaced them with  in episode number two i talked about the five   mistakes i made during my single season and  today we are going to be talking about dating   and waiting i got so many great questions from  you guys in my previous q a which i will have   linked over here so much so that i wanted to  really answer and tackle those questions in a   dedicated video all about it so that's really  what we're going to get into today i'm going   to be sharing the three things i got right when it  comes to dating and waiting and three things i got   wrong so as always the point of this series is  really to just have a discussion with you guys   to share and be transparent and to hopefully  allow you to learn from me and that can keep you   from making some of the same mistakes i did or  even just encourage you as you are walking out   this thing called waiting until marriage so let's  go ahead and get started this might be a long one   so i'm going to get some tea and  a snack and i will be right back so all right guys so i have my tea here we are  sipping on peppermint tea and we have a snack   the snack i'm going to be munching on today is  a verb energy bar because your girl could use   a little boost of energy i don't know about you  i am really excited to be partnering with verb   energy on this portion of the video as well  i've worked with them in a previous video and   i genuinely love these bars they get me through  my work day and like busy filming days like this   the bars are only 90 calories but they contain  the same amount of caffeine as an espresso shot   but the caffeine comes from green tea so you don't  get any of the crash and also no jitters they have   six flavors my personal favorite is vanilla  latte definitely check that one out i just love   how convenient they are and you can just eat it  on the go or for me eat it while i'm typing away   at work or while i'm sitting here making a video  on youtube and get that energy boost i need to get   everything done so again thank you so much  to verb energy for sponsoring this portion   of today's video they have a link for you guys  in the description box so if you use this link   you will get 12 bars in a single flavor that  would be a starter pack and they will add in four   additional bars which are going to be their most  popular flavors on top of that starter pack so   a total of 16 bars for only 12 because they also  will be giving you free shipping which like what   everyone hates paying for shipping so i was really  excited about that to be able to provide that for   you guys so again if you are wanting to test out  these bars or get some more i highly encourage   you to check out that link in my description  box i'm gonna open up this one eat it drink   this peppermint tea and then we're gonna start  talking about dating and waiting let's get into it every time i try to eat and do a video i'm  reminded how hard it is to eat and talk but here we are let's go ahead and hop into the  first part things i got wrong so number one on   the list the first thing i got wrong about dating  and waiting was not being obedient i was in places   and spaces that i knew god did not call me to be  in and did not want me to be in specifically for   me this looked like being on the apps so i was on  dating apps and i knew without a shadow of a doubt   that god was telling me and convicting me  and getting other friends to tell me as well   get off the apps and i was so stubborn and  i felt like okay but if i'm not on the abs   like how is my man gonna find me like he  gotta know i'm here i gotta look available   so i was on the apps and i would tell myself  i would tell god you know i'm not gonna talk   to anyone like i'll just i'm just gonna like see  what's out there but i'm not gonna talk to anyone   and then a guy messages me and then now we're  talking and then we'll go on a date then   one day two days three days and now here i am  having to like break up with him even though we're   not dating and like dump him even though again  we're not dating dating and it was just like wow   okay these are one of two outcomes here i was  experiencing having to like dump someone and   like break up with them which i hate having  those conversations and i felt so bad too   or i was the one being dumped or ghosted  or like drawn into like a confusion   like a mess of confusion where like someone  seemed one way and all of a sudden they're   switching it up and now you kind of like them and  now they're being like so incredibly confusing   and your life is on this emotional rollercoaster  because you like this person but they're being so   confusing you have no idea where you stand with  them anymore and after about three to four months   of this i realized okay i hear you god i'm gonna  finally be obedient i'm going to shut the abs down   and it wasn't until i was obedient that my husband  slid into my dms and i didn't have to be on the   apps looking available for that to happen but it  just goes to show for me at least being obedient   it is saving yourself from hurt but it also saves  you from hurting other people that was a season   where i was not being obedient and i always  encourage all of my friends and now here on   youtube that if you feel like god is calling  you to be on the apps be on the apps but if you   don't think god called you to be on tinder and  god didn't call you to be on bumble or whatever   else there is out there don't be on the apps and  that goes for like anything right like don't be   anywhere trying to like find your person or  whatever outside the will of god like just   listen to him and be patient in what he is calling  you to do and being obedient i think is the most   important so i learned the hard way don't be  like me okay don't be like me so number two   the second thing that i got wrong i let loneliness  be my driving force to like wanting to meet   people wanting to go on dates and i think this  definitely influenced and impacted how i operated   and being disobedient as well i felt lonely i was  looking around comparing myself to my family and   my friends instagram social media and i'm just  feeling like the one last single person on earth   and i led from that place of loneliness as and i  let it be my driving force and instead of leading   from a place of being content where i am being  content in god being content in our relationship   and having that contentment overflow and wanting  to share and that contentment with someone else   i was trying to get someone and like date someone  and think that someone else can come in and fill   my cup up and i'm really grateful that god didn't  allow any relationship or any dates that i went on   during that season to be fruitful because it was  coming from a place of me not being full enough   me not being content in myself my relationship  with god and i really believe that is why he   wanted me to be off the apps and why he wanted  me to just like focus on him so then when i did   meet my husband it was from a place of oh i'm  good and now we can be good together instead   of like oh my god yes fill me up because i'm so  empty and i'm so lonely so i'm grateful for the   lessons of that but also i always encourage people  like don't let loneliness be your driving force   be full in your relationship with god be content  in where you are and in that contentment that   overflow of contentment desire to share in that  with someone else but don't expect someone to   come along and just fill you up that's not their  job last but not least the third thing that i did   wrong was being so incredibly impatient i didn't  meet my husband until i was 28 and my brother   who i've looked up to my whole entire life he met  his wife when he was like 24. so i really looked   at him and his experiences and i thought that's  how it's supposed to go so 24 passes 25 26. you   know what i mean all those years passed and i'm  like what the heck is going on where's my person   and that really amplified my impatience comparing  myself to other people and other um relationships   that i saw around me and that's not you know i  love him and his wife and i'm very grateful i got   to see their relationship up close but that wasn't  my story you know i didn't meet my husband till i   was 28 didn't get married until i was 29 and that  impatience that i felt really showed me and as i   look back it definitely shows that i had a lack  of trust in god if i truly trusted in him that   one my husband existed and was walking this planet  which i did struggle with that concept for a while   and two that in god's perfect timing we  would meet and our relationship would unfold   if i really trusted in that i wouldn't have been  i would not have felt the impatience that i felt   so whenever i do see people who are feeling  impatient or i myself get impatient about   something it's like a it's like um it's like a hot  light it's a hot light spotlight it's a spotlight   into your heart to show you like hey you're  not trusting god fully here so yeah if you are   experiencing some of that impatience i encourage  you to like you know see the spotlight that that's   pointing on and to really invite god into it  where are you not trusting god fully because if   you were like how would you be moving differently  how would you be feeling differently if you fully   trusted in god's plan in this specific area so  that is it these are the three things i got wrong   now let's talk about what i got right so the  first thing that i got right when it came to   dating and waiting was being very upfront about my  relationship with god and the importance that god   has and had in my life i think doing this really  allowed people to be filtered through this god   lens really you know like if you're not about  this you kind of know what you're getting here   you know god is my focal point and if you aren't  on that same path then you can just kind of like   you know go over here so being vocal about it  one it really just felt right personally and it   doesn't have to be like you you know getting  on this date and like preaching a sermon but   asking those questions like oh like what church do  you go to what sermons have you been listening to   what devotionals are you reading what is what is  your relationship like with the lord like really   leading with questions like that it kind of sets  the tone for the type of woman that you are and   what you are also looking for so we are flying  through this number three the third thing that   i got right when it came to dating and waiting  was being very upfront about my desire to wait   until marriage now i didn't lead with this okay i  wasn't sharing this on the first day not probably   the second date but at least by the third date i  would have that conversation and let the person   know that that is my desire now this statement and  sharing this fact really allowed me personally to   filter through people depending on their response  to it i would know are we on the same page i would   know is this a person i can actually see myself  being with is this relationship going to work   is this potential relationship going to work and  if the person responded by saying something like   okay well i guess i can support you in  that but that's not what i'm trying to do   that can kind of be like a red flag or maybe like  a yellow flag like is this something that can   actually work because it's one thing to be walking  towards celibacy by yourself and kind of dragging   someone else along but it's another thing that  if you are walking towards celibacy and walking   towards waiting until marriage walking towards  honoring god with your relationship that way   and the other person that you're you're with is  walking that direction too already and you're not   dragging them there so that is something that i  feel looking back i'm really grateful i had those   conversations early on it wasn't something  that i kind of popped up after we're like   fully together or something like that because  again during these dating seasons it was really   just going on dates we were not in like any type  of courtship we weren't officially dating it was   really just going on dates to get to know each  other so last but not least the fourth thing that   i got right when it comes to dating and waiting  is allowing my friends to hold me accountable   i think it is so important to invite your  friends who are on the same path and who   know what you're trying to achieve as in pursue  god and honor god through your relationships   really inviting them into the dating process with  you it can be easy to make mistakes or slip up   especially if you had operated more uh not in this  way in previous relationships like if you were   dating in a different manner prior to coming to  know the lord and then now you're trying to walk   out something different it can be hard to make  that transition and to hold yourself accountable   by yourself so i really invited my friends into my  dating process sharing who i'm going on dates with   sharing what they look like what i like about  them what i don't like about them and them   really being able to speak life into that  relationship if it was a great relationship   or speak their concern into their relationship if  it wasn't a great relationship because sometimes   you can be blinded by just the emotions that you  feel towards someone so i personally found this so   helpful when i found myself in you know going on a  few dates with a specific person and it becoming a   very confusing situation and my friend  really just being able to let me know   god is not the author of confusion i don't think  he's in this and like having him speak that over   me and that relationship and kind of giving me  that insight was so helpful and allowed me to look   at it through a different lens of just my emotions  and like but i like this person blah blah blah so   highly highly highly encourage you to just  invite your friends invite those people into   that relationship or into your dating life you  know while you're going on these dates and holding   you accountable for walking it out and honoring  god through the process all right guys so that is   it this is my list of the things i got wrong and  the things i got right when it comes to dating   and waiting so now it is your turn if you are  currently walking through the season of dating   and waiting or if you have made it to the other  side and you are now in married land like me   let us know in the comments below something that  you got right and something that you didn't get   so right i think this is a great opportunity  for us to learn from one another and really   just encourage each other as we are walking  this thing out i encourage you to leave a   comment and also take some time to read through  the comments i will see you in my next video next   tuesday and again if you enjoyed this video be  sure to give it a thumbs up and yeah bye guys

Channel: Melody Alisa

Views: 142,812

Keywords: waiting until marriage, waiting until marriage christian, dating and waiting, christian dating advice for women, christian dating advice, boundaries in dating, christian dating, christian dating boundaries, boundaries in christian dating, christian boundaries in dating, dating boundaries, christian dating tips, melody alisa, boundaries for purity, physical boundaries in dating, setting dating boundaries, advice for christian dating, boundaries for christian dating, purity

Id: 09p8WaWJgcA

Length: 16min 58sec (1018 seconds)

Published: Tue May 11 2021