Christian Dating Boundaries (kissing, touching, etc.) & Why Should We Have Boundaries?

now the next thing we're going to talk about is kissing temptation is subtle there's certain things that aren't explicitly said in the bible and it's all up to your conviction and your guidance with the holy spirit and hold each other accountable hey guys we're back again with another video and today we're going to talk about why we have boundaries why are boundaries important especially uh when you're dating yeah so if you're interested in hearing on some of the boundaries we personally have and also just generally speaking what boundaries um you should have in a relationship definitely keep on so before we jump in on you know what people should and shouldn't do there's always going to be a lot of like speculation about that or not everyone's gonna agree but one thing we can all agree on just because biblically speaking it's what jesus talks about is that when having boundaries when dating when doing anything in your life but specifically when dating i would say it's very important to be intentional about what you do when you don't do not because you're afraid of god's punishment not because you think that if you sin you know god is going to throw you straight into hell but rather because we should all value our relationship with god to the point where we want to obey him not just with what we do or don't do but most importantly with our hearts and that's why it's important the intent behind what you do and you don't do because as jesus says he sees our hearts more than he sees what we do and there's a specific verse that i wanted to read in the bible that for me really you know proves why people should have boundaries in relationships so it's the verse in matthew 5 verse 28 and it says but i say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart and jesus is saying this after making it clear that although the commandments say you shouldn't um commit adultery or sleep with a woman who isn't your wife he's saying that even more so than that even if you look at somebody with lust you already sinned so what does this tell me or what does tell us that god sees our hearts and what we do and if you're dating obviously the purpose of dating is for marriage and when you're married there's certain benefits right that you get to enjoy one of them being having sex with the other person but when you're dating you can't do that does that mean that the desire is not there of course not it is there because your goal in dating is to one day experience that and that's why it's very important to have boundaries because one thing could lead to the next and as much as we want to wait until marriage if we're not actually putting parameters in place that can help us resist that temptation we're gonna end up falling so it's about glorifying god not saying okay how far can i go but does this glorify god okay so first thing i would say for anyone who's dating or considering dating is when developing boundaries the most important one and the one that will like legit like save your life from falling into any sexual temptation and stuff like that is the context in which you guys spend time together so for example if you're alone in a free crib with your boyfriend in your room with the door closed or just in your room in general on your bed that is a very tricky situation because you're literally putting yourself in a situation and a context that is like kind of made for you to just easily be able to fall into having sex or if you don't have actual steps like doing something that you know god is not going to be okay with you're doing with your boyfriend right because another day he's your boyfriend he's not your husband and i i've realized through time by that i mean like through seeing other people's experiences i've realized that as much as you hope that your boyfriend will be your future husband that isn't always the case not to say that's our case because that is our goal and that's what's gonna happen being that that is so you need to be like clear about the fact that this is my boyfriend's not my husband therefore you shouldn't be doing anything sexual with your boyfriend because that is reserved only for your husband exactly we need to remember that we are weak our flesh is weak a lot of times we think we're stronger than what we really are but what we need to remember is that temptation is subtle you're dating somebody you're with somebody and little by little if you don't have certain boundaries you're going to let certain things slide and before you know it you're going to be committing certain acts and certain sins that you're going to look back to and you're going to be like how did that happen i never thought that was gonna happen to me but because temptation comes slowly because temptation creeps up on you you end up doing these things and then you later on regret it and that's why it's important to establish boundaries it's important to you know be strict about it because you don't want to end up in a situation where you're disappointed and you've sinned against god yeah and hold each other accountable like if a boundary is crossed or almost crossed if none if neither of you says anything is gonna happen again but if you both are like holding each other accountable like okay that happened maybe we shouldn't do that again then that will help us now the next thing we're gonna talk about is kissing right a lot of times this is like a question some christians have some people think no you shouldn't kiss all dating and some people actually successfully do that some people think yes you can kiss etc um personally in our relationship we do kiss while dating however it's very important to be aware that in doing that it could lead to lustful thoughts or it can lead to certain things so therefore even though you should or you can if that's what you feel in your heart that the holy spirit is leading you to do like okay when you date this person you could kiss but don't do this then when it comes to kissing is something that you have to be very careful with it all comes down to personal conviction there are christian couples out there that they're okay with kissing and they kiss but they have certain boundaries that they establish when it comes to kissing their christian couples out there that they decide not to kiss until they get married so it's something that when you have a partner when you're dating you should pray with them you should talk about it and just ask the holy spirit to guide you in that our advice is to just pray about it speak to god about it and if the holy if the holy spirit convicts you of it then you already know what to do another thing a lot of people could think about when it comes to like physical boundaries is literal like physical boundaries okay what can we touch or not touch for us personally i felt extremely before we started dating before any of that when we sat down together we both agreed that there's certain areas we will never ever touch until we're married because although you are dating this person and you know things could happen there's just a line so i would recommend personally to be very clear about reserving for example private areas for when you're married definitely pray the holy spirit to convict you on that but i just want to make it clear like for example some people think look oh as long as we didn't sleep together then it's fine but as jesus says it makes it very clear like he sees our hearts and when you are touching certain areas it's not like you're just hugging each other for example it's something sexual it's definitely something so yeah it is awkward to talk about but i i definitely like have no issue talking about it because i do know that there might be some christians out there who are doing that and don't realize why they're feeling convicted why they're feeling guilty if they're not you know going all the way but you know god sees our hearts it's just better not to touch certain areas not to do certain things because you're just gonna you're just gonna go down a deep hole and you won't be able to get out of it a lot of times people start dating they start kissing okay they start getting more comfortable and then they're like oh oh it's not a saying i mean we haven't had sex let me touch this and let me touch that let me do this and then before you know you dug a huge hole and you're like whoa how did i end up over here and that's what we want you guys to avoid that's our advice to you guys because it's some it's a place you definitely don't want to be in yeah and even though for me like it's a little awkward to talk about because obviously i don't know who's gonna watch this video but i think it's necessary because sometimes you can hear in church oh sex is bad like we talked about in our last video don't don't have sex but you don't think about the things that you can do that can be sexual that aren't actual sex and you know if you have the mentality of okay god doesn't want me to do this and do that so i'm just i'm just gonna go as far as i can it's not just about what you do or don't do it's really about your heart and your intent exactly and even though it's not sex just think about it you're dating this person you're not married to them what if you end up breaking up with them and then in the future you end up finding somebody that you love that you care about and then that out awkward conversation comes up about oh i did this and i did that in the past it's gonna be embarrassing why is it embarrassing because it was wrong and it wasn't right and that's another reason too in order to truly wait until marriage in order to honor god with your relationship with your body it's important to acknowledge the fact that it's gonna be difficult acknowledge the fact that what you're doing and the boundaries you're setting in place are going directly against your desires and your flesh and your natural just attraction to that person and if we don't acknowledge that we're gonna think that we're stronger than we actually are we're gonna put ourselves in situations like being alone with our partner thinking that you know because i want to honor god and i have self-control i'm gonna handle it but that's not the case um jesus was tempted and jesus was the son of god god himself god and a human body so do not think that you will be the exception temptation will always be there it's about what you do to get out of it and the way to get out of it is how jesus did with the word of god having the word of god guide your decisions and your actions and also with having discernment and not putting yourselves in situations where you actually feel like you have to resist right and obviously having boundaries is not an easy thing it's not always the funnest thing but what helps you keep those boundaries up and actually follow through and keep each other accountable on it is knowing like this isn't forever right boundaries are there while you're dating to get to know each other better to obey god and his commandments to not fornicate to you know just do things god's way but ultimately those boundaries when they aren't going to be there when you are married which is why when you think about that and you put yourself in perspective if you're struggling to not fall into temptation if you're in a relationship right now where boundaries are being kind of blurred i ask of you and i like i pray to god that he can give you perspective of knowing you know you're only going to keep these boundaries up for a bit so hold on to them when you pray to god about it you already know that okay we have all of these boundaries right now but one day we're not going to have them one day we're going to be able to enjoy the gift and this covenant that we're in but if you're dating somebody you're creation and you're dating someone and you have no idea if you even want to marry them or you see them as a husband or as a wife for the moment you're going to feel those butterflies you're going to like them but then because you don't have a plan of like okay i see myself dating marrying this person you might fall into temptation with them right there and then besides having boundaries the most important thing is to have a good prayer life and to know that my love for god is above my love to fulfill my own desires or to fulfill their desires and that's why it's very important to have a good relationship with god a great good and great prayer life especially when you start dating because feelings can be very deceptive the bible says above all else the heart is deceitful i'm messing up that verse but it's right there um like the heart is very deceitful our feelings are very deceitful our feelings are always going to push us to fall into temptation but jesus says pray so that you do not fall into temptation pray so that that doesn't happen um so make sure you have a good prayer life and a good foundation in identity in christ so if you are dating someone who might not even believe in boundaries you yourself won't fall into it because you know god is more important to me than them right god is more important to me than him my job has his girlfriend isn't to please him but to please god so that means saying no to certain things or you know restricting yourself in certain areas that's part of it and also know if a person is trying to force you to do something they don't truly love you at all exactly so it's about being with someone who understands the boundaries and also holds them up and obviously we're speaking very very general but if you want like specific questions or specific things to be talked about we are planning on doing a q a video just in general to talk about these topics that have to do with dating based off of biblical insight and also our experience you know we emphasize biblical because obviously anybody can have their opinion right but the bible is the thing that should direct all of our paths and that should be the standard which is why we don't go too into specific because there's certain things that aren't explicitly said in the bible and it's all up to your conviction and your guidance with the holy spirit so ultimately we want to guide anyone who's watching this video considering dating or dating to go to the word themselves read it and see what conviction they feel in regards to what they should do or shouldn't do thank you guys you

Channel: Kat D. Perez

Views: 61,738

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Id: Ka5TuTaceBc

Length: 14min 16sec (856 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 09 2022