Dating Chinese Girls

welcome to a friday video today we are going to be talking about dating chinese girls slash dating chinese women i would like to go into a little bit of detail as to these kind of relationships and the reason for this being that i lived in china for over a third of my life the majority of my adult relationships were had with chinese women and on top of that i have a huge amount of subscribers who reach out to me very often asking me for advice and telling me their situations and all the the trials and tribulations of their relationship so i have a lot of experience to draw on here and hopefully i can help you understand some of the big cultural differences when it comes to dating a mainland chinese woman now you'll find a lot of parallels between dating a mainland a chinese woman and somebody of chinese ethnicity so even if they grew up in the states or in australia something like that they will still be held by the same traditional chinese values family values and of course other asian cultures are quite similar too so you know if you maybe have a relationship with someone from thailand or vietnam you'll find some parallels here anyway i thought i'd start by talking about sort of the age of dating um what kind of time do people start dating in china and it's a little different from the west i found from my own experiences people of my generation and older don't have time for dating when they're in middle school and high school you know in china you have this massive rush your entire life is focused on passing something called the gao cow which is the sort of university entrance exam and there's a huge amount of competition in china to get these very limited spots in these big universities and so it's it creates a huge amount of pressure on young people to pass and it's no joke people i mean young children commit suicide over this there's a hell of a lot of pressure on these people to pass the gaucho and get a good spot in the university so what happens is they have to focus all of their spare time and energy on study and having taught the whole spectrum of people in china as my job for many years like i started at kindergarten taught middle school taught high school taught young adults i got to see that even now it's still the same young children even kindergarten children they finished kindergarten and the first thing they do is go home have a little something to eat and then they go out for their extra lessons be it piano or violin or extra math or calligraphy or whatever and i'm talking about four or five-year-old kids here so there is no real time to date until you hit college uh slash university and it's kind of the opposite i feel like in the west high school and you know middle school are kind of a breeze and when you hit university that's when things get a little harder that's when you start to have to really study but it's the opposite in china middle school and high school are incredibly difficult but once you hit university that's when you get to relax that's when people just kind of can turn up to class if they feel like it or not but you know they're pretty much guaranteed to pass and so this is when dating really starts now that's all good and well but there is one huge issue with dating in china and that is the lack of sex education it's still a very taboo subject in china and it's not part of the curriculum i mean at least in south africa when i was growing up i think we had sex ed class in high school but i must have been 13 about 13 years old when we had actual proper sex ed classes you know and our biology teacher put up slides and told us all about it and we learned all about uh different kinds of birth control and stds and all that kind of thing which is it's an important thing to know so i mean this changes the whole dynamic when it comes to dating in china because it very often leads to a much more innocent sort of a dating experience you know you're dealing usually with um people that are not exposed or have proper knowledge of of sex and how it all works so it can lead to some interesting situations but on top of that it's also very dangerous because the lack of education and the lack of especially when it comes to stds and birth control and stuff will lead to stds and will lead to unwanted pregnancies very easily um look out of the expat friends i have in china a number of them called stds more than back home you know my friends who called stds back home yeah that's because they were being unsafe with random one-night stands or whatever but in china i found the percentage of people that i knew who actually got stds were much higher and of course i'm not saying hiv but i do know one guy who got hiv in china but uh things like syphilis and um uh the clap uh various other you know things which were kind of horrible and unfortunately being the guy who spoke chinese and this happened not only to me but to uh see milk as well we kind of we've both got stories where we've had to help our friends go to the hospital and explain to the hospital what's wrong with them and be the translator in this very uncomfortable sort of a situation anyway um so the lack of sex education like i said does lead to some interesting situations um [Music] now i'm going to talk about something a little touchy here which also is a big part of relationships in china and that is abortion you know there isn't this moral battle in china which you find in most western countries you know you got pro-life pro-choice kind of people butting it out you've got christianity and other religions getting involved and saying it's not okay to have abortions etc but in china the state the government actually still carries out forced abortions on people who are not supposed to give birth so you know up until recently we had the one child policy and you weren't allowed to have more than one child and on top of that even now that they've relaxed it a bit it's still just a two-child policy also you're not supposed to have a child unless you're married and so abortion is a very normal thing that everybody grew up with abortion is even used as a form of birth control in in some of the more sort of rural situations which is disgusting as far as i'm concerned but that's just the way it is and in fact when you buy a pregnancy test in china inside the pregnancy test box you find advertisements for abortion clinics just in case you test positive i mean look it's it's a it's a video that i should make all on its own you know there's a huge amount of um focus on abortion in in china because for instance when you get married you have this option of getting a blood test when you actually go get married to see if either parent has some kind of a disease that could cause genetic issues with your child um they do tests to see if the child has any kind of down syndrome or anything like that and then you know nine times out of ten the child will get aborted if there is an issue and uh it's just so common and so normal um in china for abortions to happen that it can lead to some very heartbreaking situations in relationships and i'm going to relate one of those which didn't happen to me but it happened to a friend of mine um well i should say a subscriber not a friend i don't really know him he sent me a bunch of emails he's pretty distraught a guy in the uk who fell in love with a chinese woman who moved to the uk and was living there illegally and he met her through her work and they got together started living together she got pregnant and then she used the baby as a bargaining chip and basically said you know unless you help me buy a house in china i'm going to have an abortion and he couldn't afford it and so she just went ahead and had an abortion as if it was just something normal so i do want to warn anyone who's going to get into a relationship with a chinese woman that when it comes to abortion it's not a taboo subject it's a very common normal thing that will happen in china and it is something that could it could lead to a heart wrenching situation you know and you might find yourself in a situation which is beyond your control so i just kind of wanted to put that out there for you guys all right let's move on to actual dating because you know i'm talking about some fairly deep stuff here but let's talk about dating meeting women in china i found was very easy um and by by easy i mean uh what would happen is you would um basically be able to meet people through friends that's obviously the best way to always do it i found that the relationships people struck off by meeting girls in bars and so on were not good again remember that china still has a very traditional sort of a family setup and a very tradition it's a very traditional society so the kind of girls that go to bars and clubs and hang out there are usually um you know they've they've broken past that right so they're free and open and they've been out there and they've done a lot and you usually end up with the crazies and i'm sorry to say it that way but it's true the majority of my friends who ended up meeting their girlfriends in bars and clubs always had the worst relationships they were rocky and uh terrible and uh they didn't come out very well um but meeting through friends and through language exchange or through work or whatever is the usual way that it happens in china and you can very easily you know get into a relationship i found obviously being a foreigner that getting into relationships was actually very very quick and easy because you get a lot of attention and of course this is an unfair advantage that foreigners have in china uh a very big unfair advantage and it's not fair for the local guys and uh you know i feel for them because you very often be in a situation where i'd be the foreigner in the group and i'd be invited out and there'd be other chinese guys with us and i could tell they're interested in the girls but all the the girls were only interested in talking to me and only interested in in me because i was so exotic and made me feel really bad for those guys and i never took advantage of it you know that wasn't my my deal but the fact of the matter is that you are exotic in china if you're a foreigner and more so than most places because don't forget in china they have been cut off from the rest of the world for so long on top of that the heavy censorship um of western media and so on there are a lot of places still in china that have never seen foreigners and i found that out firsthand of course traveling around on my motorcycle i would turn up in a village somewhere somewhere in the the countryside and people would come out of their homes just to see this foreigner and they'd be phoning their friends to come from the local villages nearby also to come see this foreigner and take photos with this strange alien and it's still like that today even though china's been open for such a long time so the amount of attention you get in china leads to easy relationships because when you know when you've got girls just approaching you and guys too i mean it's not just uh girls find you attractive or whatever you're you're a foreigner so guys come to talk to and want to take photos too but because you've got this this um passive attention it means you don't have to work very hard to meet people you can be on a train and people will take a photo of you or come to us to take a photo of you and that's you're in now you can ask them for a number or say hey you know do you want to go out and have a meal sometime or whatever it is you want to do and that can lead to an easy way into relationships but bear in mind you need to be able to speak the language it's a huge huge thing before you speak the language it's difficult to get into it and also language barriers are one of the major issues that cause cultural misunderstandings and of course relationships to fail with mainland chinese women so i suggest that if you're going to think about having a relationship with a chinese woman you need to at least understand chinese at a very basic level you know go take a little course do an online thing whatever you have to do but at least try so yeah getting into a relationship is fairly straightforward the next thing is of course what happens when you want to take someone out on a date well the most common thing to do in china is to go to a restaurant you know going to see a movie or whatever it's not really the same kind of deal so what you'll end up doing for your first date is you usually go to a restaurant and another weird little idiosyncrasy idiosyncrasy that i found was when i used to take uh you know a woman out for a date they would very often without asking me invite their friends to come along as well which i found really annoying because and it makes sense they obviously want uh their friend to be along to make sure that you're not gonna try anything funny or get their friends to help vet you you know that kind of thing so what would happen is you you know i'd make an arrangement for a day to a certain place and i'd meet them and then they would come with you know one two three friends and i'd be like great you know and as the man you're also expected to pay because there's still a lot of traditional value in china values i should say so you still have gender roles it's not like in the west where everyone's supposed to be equal and you know divvy things up the same way as the man you will be expected to pay for the meal or whatever it is you guys are going to go and do and it kind of sucks when suddenly you have to pay for not just two people but four five six people and this is a big cultural issue that i've found another thing as well is dating in china is not cheap i mean living the cost of living in china is cheap no joke you can if you want to be a scumbag you can live off five rmb lunchboxes you know which is like a dollar for a thing with some rice and some expired meat or whatever it is on top of it you could do that if you want but you know if you're going to take someone out on a date especially down south the way things happen is it's all about being opulent right it's kind of like your caligula or something you've got to go out there and put on this huge spread so you walk into a restaurant you sit down and they don't expect you to order one dish for them and one dish for you because remember the way people eat in china is you share dishes so what happens is you end up buying probably minimum three maximum like five six seven you can actually order a lot of dishes but the thing is you want to order good stuff so you go to a restaurant and you'll order like a roast chicken you'll order a duck you'll order you know these vegetables that kind of meat etc and it can be fairly expensive especially if you go to a nice place and i made the mistake especially when my language ability was very poor in the beginning of asking the girl to order food right so they'll go like oh this is my chance now and they'll be like i want this this this order a bunch of tur specialties which is usually stuff you're not going to want to eat anyway as a foreigner it'll be something that's weird but because it's a specialty it's going to be expensive and you end up with a massive bill and in the beginning when i was in china i was poor i was poor as dirt and i remember getting in a situation where i took a girl out on a date and she ordered more than i had to my name in money that was that bad and i had to really like worm my way out of that and uh got some friends to come bail me out um but i'll tell you one thing you got to watch out for the price because you're going to end up paying for it and also a lot of people make this mistake when they go to china they think oh china's cheap just go ape do what you want you know go and buy this buy that it's not going to be much you know everything's cheap in china that's not true if you go to a restaurant and they've got like a specialty mushroom or a specialty fish or something like that it can cost huge amounts of money it can cost like hundreds of dollars us dollars for that one dish because it's so special and that's how chinese people like to show off to their friends is go to restaurants and order these exorbitantly expensive things to show that they have money so just be careful don't go into a restaurant in china and think it doesn't matter or whatever it's not going to cost too much because sometimes it can cost way more than you would ever spend back home so just a little warning there okay let's see let's talk about gifts here for a minute um i had a couple of fairly heartbreaking situations when i would buy gifts and you know because i grew up in a situation you know in western society when if you buy a gift for someone even if they don't like it they'll still say thanks you know they'll you buy them a necklace or something and let's just say it looks like [ __ ] because you've got bad taste they'll at least say well thank you very much i really like it something like that you know they'll never wear it and probably throw it away or put in the back of a drawer or something but at least they won't to your face say they don't like it but i found chinese girls to be very pragmatic and very blunt and a number of times i bought something which i thought looked nice and was expensive etc give it to them and they're like no i don't like it or no you can just keep it or you know that kind of thing it happened to me a number of times and i was uh not gonna lie kind of uh hits you right there you know it's not very uh not very pleasant so uh those are some of the basics i did not make this topic so to try and um denigrate anybody i just wanted to share my experiences and the reason i'm also not trying to brag or anything like that please please that's the last thing i want to do i'm actually not that kind of person at all and at least compared to the majority of other expats that i know in china i actually did not have very many relationships and uh the majority of my relationships are actually um very long-term ones uh it's just just my personality i'm more like that you know it's not to say i didn't have a lot of experience but uh you know that's that's what happens when you're in your 20s and so on and 20s and early 30s and uh you know i did have a failed marriage and i have now a very successful marriage so i've i've been through a lot i've seen a lot when it comes to uh cross-cultural dating and so i was just hoping i could help some of you who perhaps are struggling dating somebody or are married to someone and don't really understand and i hope i managed to answer some questions i mean if not we'll uh pick this up next time anyway guys it is friday it is time to go crack crack open a beer or have a whiskey or whatever it is whatever it is you do or if you're a tea totaller it's time to just relax and and do whatever you want to prepare for the weekend i hope you're all having a wonderful time i absolutely can't wait to see in the next one so until then you know the drill as always stay awesome

Channel: serpentza

Views: 778,095

Keywords: dating chinese girls online, dating in china, chinese girls dating, chinese girl, china, chinese girlfriend, dating chinese women, yellow fever, winston sterzel, advchina, adv china, dating chinese girls, expat in china, moving to china, life in china vlog, living in china as an american, serpentza, laowhy86, move to china, teaching in china, teach in china, living in china vlog, expats in china, china vlog, cmilk, teaching english in china, china how it is, adv podcasts

Id: km-eGSyOeFg

Length: 19min 41sec (1181 seconds)

Published: Sat Sep 19 2020