Are Chinese Women Heartless?

a Chinese woman choosing a foreigner is not their first choice our Chinese women heartless well from a Western perspective actually yes so are Chinese men but it has a lot to do with family and I'm going to explain it to you in this video so one of the weirdest questions I got asked when I first got to China I was sitting with a bunch of guys I just met having a couple of beers and they asked me this question they asked me if my mother and my wife had fallen into the water and I had to choose which one to save um you know jump in and save them who would I choose and I thought it was a weird question apparently it's a very common question in China anyway I thought to myself well you know obviously I fairly confident I could say both of them but I told them obviously I jump in and saved my wife and they were horrified because apparently that is the wrong answer and I thought that's really weird because you know sorry mom but you know my mother's obviously lived her life she's had me she's done everything she needs to do type thing and my wife is the person I love it's a person I'm married and it's the person that I want to build a family with and so of course there's a lot more invested in that but that is the wrong answer in China in fact so much so is it the wrong answer that in 2015 there was an entrance exam for lawyers and one of the questions they changed it up a little bit but one of the questions was if you had to choose between saving your girlfriend or your mother from a fire who would you choose and if they chose their girlfriend and not the mother they got the question wrong and they'd failed which is kind of silly and this brings me to the whole sort of point of this video family here comes way way way above personal relationships so what triggered this video I got a very concerning or concerned message from a subscriber who's in America now the gist of his story goes he met his wife in America she was over there studying and you know they fell in love and decided to get married they had a child and her well his wife wanted the parents in law to come and stay too you know see the child and look after the child for six months that was the deal get them over on a tourist visa and they can come meet the new child and they can stick around for a couple of months and you know have you know have that whole thing and then go back to China so they organized it got the tourist visas and all that parents parents-in-law came in started living you know close by and looking after the kid and stuff and six months ended and they were still there he was like hang on they were supposed to leave and you know the student tourist visa only allows you to stay for six months anyway but what he didn't know is that behind his back his wife had actually gone and extended their visas and in fact put in a petition for green cards that he has to sponsor and of course he wasn't happy about that because he wasn't consulted but the worst part is is that when he said he doesn't want to sponsor their green card because he didn't know about it and that wasn't the deal she threatened to divorce him so it's either sponsor my parents to come and stay here and get green cards or we're getting divorced and he couldn't understand how she could be so heartless because you know it just didn't make sense now this is where there is this massive culture clash and this is something that I have to tell everybody who's going to get into a relationship with a Chinese person be it a man or a woman you have to realize that you're always going to come second and play second fiddle to the family that's the way it is it's an unfortunate situation it's terrible I don't like it it makes me uncomfortable but their parents and the family is always going to be more important and that's because it's baked into the society this filial piety stuff the whole way the family unit works here and also the fact that in a sense children are an investment to the parents you know it may sound harsh but all you need to do is look at the recent history of China to understand why we have this situation you have to understand that just in the very recent history I'm talking about the 70s here 70s 80s you know like when I was growing up people were still starving here in China people were still coming out of like serious poverty they still are obviously not in the big city like where I live but I see it all the time when I go into the rural countryside there are people living in like squalor and poverty and it's it's got a long way to go let's put it that way so when you have children here because you don't have sort of social systems like you have in a lot of developed countries I mean there are some pension programs there are systems there but it's not to the same degree you basically cannot count on the government helping you out when you retire right especially not in the rural areas so what do you do you have children and your children are your investment you pay for the best education you can for them and you know they get they get their education and once there if you can educate them better they can get a better job so if you spend more on their education you can expect more returns so it's really just a Retirement Fund really having a kid here and I hate to say but it is heartless and I've seen situations and I know people that are so controlled by their parents it's not even funny you know like 36 year old women who are told that they have a curfew they have to come back their mother won't let them you know do anything that they enjoy their mothers won't let them date they won't let them go out and do other things because they expect them to look after them first you know I've seen this firsthand and it has a nasty side to it you know it does have a very controlling nasty side where people are merely possessions of their parents of course that's a generalization it's those are exceptions I should say that's not the rule you know you do still get very healthy parent children relationships here of course however back to the whole point it's a very big different in culture between east and west and it's something you absolutely have to know and understand before you you really jump in and for someone who's grown up in America say or someone who's grown up in Canada one of these sort of developed countries it can be very difficult to swallow and understand where these people are coming from but that's that's simply because you most probably haven't experienced sort of real strife or real poverty or you know like life hitting you with that massive big stick of unfairness which it likes to do from time to time so you know I'm not trying to say that you don't understand what it's like to be in a bad position but at the same time it's difficult to put yourself in the shoes of of these people and they're they're family units and things like that so you may get very upset that they're putting the family in front of you rightly so because that's your culture but you have to understand from their point of view that it's normal and they get upset that you don't put the family in front of yourself and in front of your personal relationships now as a result of this whole situation this whole sort of cyclic or cyclical family situation what you get is you get a lot of loveless marriages it's something I've seen with my own eyes all over China a lot of my peers you know people my age they've married someone because their parents have forced them into marrying them they've had kids young because their parents and grandparents have forced them into that situation they're not happy with who they're with there's a lot of cheating going on I mean it is what it is I like to tell you guys what I experienced and that's what I've seen and experienced here in my during my years here in China it's it's far from a perfect system but it definitely gives a lot of stability to the family unit so if you're going to get mixed up in all of this you also have to realize that a Chinese woman choosing a foreigner is not their first choice all right there has to be a reason why why they're willing to go against their family go against the traditions of China because China still a very very very traditional place sure you got a Shanghai or you go to Beijing you go to some of these bigger cities you'll get some very progressive sort of out there people who are you know they're fine dating foreigners and things like that but on the whole you know Chinese people would not consider having a relationship with the foreigner unless there was something wrong with them and by wrong with them I mean that they're divorced or they've had some kind of a huge falling-out with their family and their parents or that they I don't know they've just strayed somehow and they see that there's no other choice for them other than to choose a foreigner and I mean these words may may sound harsh but you know I'm straight up with you guys and I tell you I'm telling you the absolute real truth and for instance with the situation with my wife the only reason she's married me is because she's divorced right because she went through that whole get married on a special day marry the person that the parents sort of vetted and that the families kind of agreed on you know and he was like a police but a police chief for something or police knew as a policeman basically and they went through all that nonsense fortune tellers all that crap and it didn't work right and so once that it all failed it was like really difficult for and she didn't want to obviously get married again but her parents would try to force her to get married again and it was impossible for to find anyone to marry because the stigma of being a divorced woman in China is you know it's too hard to get over in a lot of cases and so what choice did she have but to start looking at foreigners and that's kind of how she ended up with me so I can 100% say that if my wife hadn't been divorced before she wouldn't have married a foreigner of course it was only after she got divorced that she kind of woke up to the whole thing and realized that she was you know incredibly unhappy in that whole situation and so you know it was definitely a boon it was something good and she's happier for it of course I'm happier for it and you know everyone all round is happier for it but you if you're gonna be marrying a Chinese girl and let's just say if she hasn't been married before she hasn't been divorced Wow are you gonna be in for a hell of a long ride and like I said a lot of it seems incredibly heartless and that's because they are going to use you as a tool you're a part of the family machine you're there to help the baby arrive you know you're there to kind of make sure that the parents have a place to live after they retire you're there as this cog in the machine and if you are defective in other words you're just not interested in having them over you're either going to get fixed are you going to get replaced and it's a harsh harsh reality guys but if you're going to get mixed up in this stuff is something that you just have to accept so anyway Chinese people seem very heartless because they are it's simple when it comes to relationships yes you'll get your normal infatuation periods you'll get the sort of the love you'll you'll have the excitement of your relationships you'll have fun together everything will be fine and dandy but when it comes down to the family matters your hearts going to be put second and the family is going to be put first so be prepared guys I hope you learned something oh and I absolutely forgot to mention parents can actually sue their children here if the children don't visit them in their hometown during like the Chinese New Year holiday or they don't visit them X amount of times a year or give them enough attention they can actually the government can actually find you and force you to go and visit your parents so you've got to keep that in mind as well it's entrenched in the law here and it's entrenched in people's minds so good luck guys all you guys out there with your Chinese wives and girlfriends and all those girls out there with your Chinese husbands you actually have a lot more pressure on you to be honest good luck and remember there are always exceptions to the rules you can always get lucky like I did meeting my my wife is absolutely absolutely stunning and just the right set of circumstances so yeah it goes wow it's hot until next time you know the drill stay awesome so I actually decided there's a little supplement to this video to ask a real Chinese person what they think about the whole family thing in China now is it true that family is kind of the most important thing in China well it's super important the family thing is super important for example if you if your girlfriend is Chinese are you you're from the west and you think okay and according to the Western standards individualism I like my girlfriend I like my wife and that's totally okay and that's everything about that but the truth is you have to you have to do with the families your girlfriend is family the family don't like you that's not a good idea yeah I mean they they might well not might they will probably pressure her to leave you because yes I've got friends like I got a good friend in Beijing he dated a Chinese girl for five years they were living living together but her family kept pressuring her every time she visited family to break up with him and eventually the pressure got so much that even after five years of them being together she broke up with him because the family made her stories so upset and disappointed because the two people you love each other that's that's a beautiful thing yeah but because of the family issues that the the the girls family they don't like it they don't like you well you're probably gonna never get her even though she likes you she loves you yeah yeah well it's good to know that so thanks it's always good to have a little bit of a you know speaking to real Chinese person helps cuz a lot of people out there they see me and they're like ah but you you're not Chinese how do you know yes that's always good to get a real opinion so I appreciate it so can you do me a favor and tell everyone to stay awesome well you know what stay awesome [Music] [Music] [Applause]

Channel: serpentza

Views: 975,122

Rating: 4.7028556 out of 5

Keywords: what chinese girls love, dating chinese girls, chinese girls dating, dating chinese girls online, dating chinese women, winston sterzel, chinese girlfriends north vs south, china (country), how to pick up chinese girls, are chinese girls easy?, chinese girls, chinese women, what do chinese girls like?, chinese girl reaction, marriage in china, chinese girls easy, chinese girl, asian girls, asian women, chinese woman, asian women white men, living in china, serpentza

Id: iJm0ZsvQuAI

Length: 15min 57sec (957 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 28 2018