There comes a point in our lives when we might feel
that there's something missing. I was reaching that point
when I was 19 years old. Who am I, and what is my purpose in life? Shortly after,
it was as if the sky had heard my call. I met someone who offered guidance,
help and understanding. For the next ten years,
I lived a cult experience that wasn't fulfilling, but brought a lot of pain
and suffering instead. "Why didn't you just leave?" You might ask. Well, I eventually did, but leaving a cult
is one hell of a struggle. In my case,
leaving wasn't a conscious decision but the result of my survival instinct. Some members of the cult
drove me into the forest. They were given the order to punish me, to threaten me,
and to break my will again. Is it possible to make sense of all this? For the next three years,
I went on a journey. On this journey, I talked to experts
and former members of cults, hoping to find some answers. This is Jill. I was amazed by the fact that she seemed to understand
the things I was talking about. How long is it since you left? -A little bit more than two years.
-Not long, really? Yes, it seems long to me. Yes, it's a new life. It's wonderful. It's like an awakening from a bad dream. Now, I say it isn't long,
because in the grand scheme of things, two years is not very long
to get over an experience like that. I guess you're still on that journey. We're genetically programmed
to be group animals. Most of the time that human beings
have been on the Earth, we've traveled and lived our lives
in small hunting and gathering groups. The holy grail of researchers into cults was to find the cultic personality
or the cult-vulnerable personality. Many tests and measures were devised to try to find those traits
that would help us predict who was vulnerable,
seduced by or influenced by a cult. Those efforts all ended in failure. The conclusion one could draw from that is that we're all
potentially vulnerable to cults. There was a friend at college
who actually introduced me to a man, an Asian and a Vietnamese. His name was Fung. He described him as a spiritual master,
and I should absolutely meet him because he could
really help me to find my path. -I was interested.
-You were curious? I was curious. They welcomed me very well. The atmosphere was really warm,
friendly and almost euphoric, and I felt quite comfortable with them. There was lots of food, Chinese food, special things
that I never had before in my life, seafood and all that stuff. It was really interesting,
quite a different world. Before you met this master, you were in a state
that a lot of teenagers are in: asking questions,
searching for the meaning of life and where they're going
to go in life and so on. Somehow the idea of a spiritual person
who might help you find that pathway was very appealing to you. Then, I guess, particularly the warmth and the love
that they showered you with... There is actually a phrase
that psychologists use. It's called love bombing,
in which you often find when people are trying to get
new members into their group because it's very flattering
and it's very affirming. It makes you feel wanted and loved and in ways perhaps,
you haven't experienced before. This is Jim and Judy Bergin. Back in the '80s, they were the owners of a successful
publishing company in New York City. Back then, Jim and Judy had no idea that an author in the company
was one of the leaders of a cult. It was called The Gentle Wind Project. One time, we made the mistake
of asking her for help with our child because she was a counselor. The help that was bestowed on us
was a little bit weird. The help was based on
a piece of our son's hair. We cut a little piece of his hair
and sent it to her. She took this hair and did a reading
about the soul of our son. On the tape, she referenced that the information was coming
from another source that she referred to as the teacher. The teacher was telling her this stuff. We listened to it
and it seemed dead on knowing our son. We were enraptured by that. Then, once that happened, we wanted more information
from this teacher, and so we got tapes done of ourselves. What happens in that situation
is somebody is really interested in you. I can't spare too much here,
but I did send it. Now, I've got this information, and what's captivating
is this person really knows the real Jim. The teacher knows the real Jim. There's somebody out there, teacher and the spirit world
who knows me and is interested in me. It's very flattering. This is information for Jim Bergin
and the date of June 25th, 1987. Jim Bergin is someone who could
be thought of as moving spiritually by traveling his way through evolution. That is, that he is someone who tends
to take side roads and excursions. When he's on the main road,
he feels quiet and he feels calm inside, and when he travels
on his own excursions, he feels confused. He feels that his life gets chaotic
and it gets overwhelming. We'd say that this is a period
for him now to make a decision about which way he wants to go
and how he wants to use his resources. Here we have a metal ball
sitting on the table. Let's suppose that is the person, the object of the influence attempt. The ball is about to be influenced. Let's say my hand
is the influence, the agent... It's the one that's going to lead
to change in behavior and position of this target. Now, to start with, let's say that
this is what we call dependent influence. This is what we call dependent influence. Here you see the ball
moving across the table. Its speed, direction, and manner
of movement is very much affected by my hand. It's socially dependent on my hand, and this is what we mean
by socially dependent influence. On the other hand, let's try another form of influence. My hand will influence
the movement of this ball over the table, but now it continues to move in a direction
which is unaffected by my hand. No matter what I do, it doesn't change. It goes in its own way. That's what we call
socially independent change. One of the things
I've noticed about cult members is that there have been very idealistic
young people and very open to learning. That is, they'll meet someone
who seems older, wiser, perhaps, and be open to what
that person has to say to them about a better way to live
or what's wrong with the world. Really, the ones that I've seen
have been young people to admire. They're among the best
of the students that I taught. The ones who got involved with cults. What happened is that
once they were open in a beautiful way, someone who didn't have integrity used that openness
to the student's detriment. There's something to me
that cult members have in common, the young ones, which is this beautiful openness
to wanting to learn. The one thing that attracted me most,
I guess, is that he said that I would have
a really great or huge potential. He said, "I'm seeing
a lot of potential in you, but..." -There was always a but.
-There was a but, yes. You need to try to live spiritually and more spiritually
to be on the right path. Obviously the right path
was to be with him. -With him, yes.
-That was really clear. Therefore, if ever you felt
perhaps unhappy with something or a little bit troubled in spirit, it would be because
you were not on the right path anymore? At this age, I was also a really
passionate pianist and musician. I could become a really famous musician,
of course, with his help. That's encouraging you
to be dependent on him, isn't it? Absolutely. Yes, because you could be a great pianist
as long as you follow his pathway. You will be happy,
contented and fulfilled in your life if you follow him. -Mm-hmm.
-Yes. This is Lea. Her parents joined a cult
when she was 11 years old. The cult had several names,
including The Janus Project. My mother was looking
for a new meaning in her life. She wasn't fulfilled anymore by leading what she called
a normal materialistic existence. She felt euphoric
when she met a group of people who were on the same path
looking for the thing she was. There are many people
who hear the cultic message, who hear a message,
and it just leaves them entirely cold. They look on in wonderment
as to how can anybody believe this stuff? It's so obviously drivel. They can't imagine
how anybody can believe it. At the same time, another person just hears it and they're ready
to just give up their entire life. When my parents came back after the visit, we gave up our entire life in Switzerland. We sold our house, my brother and I left school, and we were moved to Austria. The leader of the group was called Benno. When I met him for the first time, he was rather unkempt and didn't
make much of an impression on me. We called him Tubby. The name Tubby displays some
of the characteristics of cult leaders because they will generally
portray themselves as being just regular people. Just a regular guy. However, the information
about this regular guy, the mantle that this person carries,
and in Tubby's case, was that he was sent from another place
and he was a spiritual messenger and that he was sent to,
in so many words, save the world. On my second or third week in there, for instance,
I was helping to make a salad. I was told
that he was coming over for dinner. Suddenly there was this whole thing
about being so careful about the salad, as if I wouldn't know how to make a salad. I mean, I was in my late 30s,
but you're treated like a child by a cult. Benno was very good at spotting
people's strengths and weaknesses and he used this to his advantage. He would manipulate people
by using their weak points against them. I went over in the workshop,
and he was there. He would do this thing with his fingers, which is, of course,
a hypnotic thing, too, but he's... -He'd point the finger.
-Oh, yes. -Oh, yes.
-You too get the pointed finger. You'd get a strange feeling suddenly? Yes, and I bet
it's going around in circles and it's maybe pointing at your abdomen. You will feel something really strong. At that time,
it was really a hard sensation, like an energy
that you would feel inside the body. Even now,
I don't know if that was kind of... Hypnotic suggestion? Yes, it was really strange feeling,
and I thought he must be a master. For example, he would separate couples and put them together
with other people from the group to try to test
peoples' limits and patience. John Miller,
who's ugly and fat is directing. There may be four
or five women there, maybe two, maybe... I never had a one-on-one with him, but I have since heard
that it did take place, which is disgusting. He would direct
who was going to be with whom and what they were going to do. When I was thirteen, we moved to Portugal. Benno began to take more notice of me
and pay me compliments. That's how it started. He would try to speak to me all the time. Then he unequivocally let me know that being in a relationship with him would be a huge step
for me towards womanhood. I was thirteen years old. This created a huge struggle inside me. I was repulsed by him. He was twenty-five years older than me. The pressure was gradually built up,
and I was called to many meetings. Other people also tried to convince me that I should have sex with Benno. I remember hoping
that the pressure would ease up once I'd taken this step. That wasn't the case, of course. We ended up moving
to Belize in Central America, where it was possible
to live a secluded life as a group. I was still struggling with having
a sexual relationship with Benno, but at the same time, I kept thinking
that this was the way it had to be. I kept trying to rationalize it, hoping that there would be
a sense to all this, and that I would learn something
from it in the end. If we go into a cult,
we go with a prior set of beliefs that have been inculcated
in us over many years. In order to make room for the new beliefs, the new loyalties,
the new attitudes of the cult before they can be programmed on us,
the old beliefs have to be washed away. This is Celeste. She was born into the cult:
The Children of God. She left at the age of 23. The cult was founded by David Berg. After Berg's death in 1994, Karen Zerby, known as Queen Maria,
took over the leadership of the group. David Berg very early on
wrote a letter called One Wife, where he said that
there were no small families and that parents
weren't to love their own children. The children were everybody's,
and that he was the father, Maria was the mother,
and then everyone else was their children. -That's why Children of God.
-Yes. He said that the Bible
had only one law, the law of love, and that there were no other laws. Everything done in love was okay,
and he applied this. That sounds wonderful and idyllic, but in reality,
the way he applied this was with sex, with children, that that was all right,
because he said, we're doing it in love. This led to widespread abuse. Certainly for myself. I was sexually abused, and the children
that were around me by the adults. Of course, we weren't told it was abuse. They were sharing God's love with us. We were to be unselfish
and to share love with them. Love was something that actually hurt you. When I was invited to go
to Queen Maria's home, I was about 20 or 21 years old. It was a huge honor because not very many people
saw Queen Maria. No one knew where she lived or even what her real name was
or what she looked like. It was all very secret, very hush. Even the date of when I was going,
they didn't want anyone to know. Even the time the airplane left, just in case anyone
could try to figure out where the destination might be. They said, we'll just pack. I pulled out the ticket and it said Porto,
and I had no idea where Porto was. It didn't say the country anywhere. I got on the plane and the first hour
and half-hour on the flight, I still was figuring out
where I was going. Quite a large house
with about maybe 10 or 12 bedrooms, and everyone lived in their bedroom
and worked in their bedrooms. You had a bed,
your desk right there and a computer, and that was pretty much
your world in that room. There was a certain wing of the house
that was where Queen Maria stayed, plus someone
who took care of her full-time and her secretary. There was a curtain
dividing that wing of that house, and you weren't allowed to go there
at any circumstances at all. The biggest shock for me,
going to Queen Maria's home and seeing how things
worked behind the scenes, was realizing that
the prophecies that we received and the way that they were got, when we read them, they were from Jesus. We were taught to respect
them as the words of the Lord. However, when we were there, I realized that Queen Maria
would ask questions and she would tell us
what to get in prophecy. She had her agenda and her plan,
and she never got prophecies herself. Obviously, she said,
"Well, I don't have enough faith for me." But she made everyone else get prophecies, and part of my job there
was getting prophecies. I didn't even believe
in the prophecies I got. Did I get this right? You all got your computer,
your room, your desk, and what you do with the entire day
is writing prophecy for the entire cult, the entire group throughout the world. -Yes.
-Is that right? Yes, that was what we were there for. What kind of prophecy did you write? For example, there was one prophecy
where she asked me to... There were followers or people
who wanted to school their children more, and there was a question about
whether maybe they should go to school. She asked me to get that, but she was saying,
"Well, I don't think that..." Basically, she'd tell you what to say. I sat there, but actually, in my prophecy, I said that it'd be really good if the children had more schooling
and learned to read and write. I sent it to her
and that was never published. Lord Acton once said, "Power corrupts,
and absolute power corrupts absolutely." I guess I'd agree with that,
if we change it slightly, "Power may corrupt and absolute power
may corrupt absolutely." It depends on the effects
that it has on the power holder, and often it's true. The power holder can be very affected
by the power that he uses or she uses. As such there's nothing negative
about social power as some people would describe it. It can be positive or negative. You can use it
for good purposes or bad purposes. We define social power
as potential influence. The ability of a person
to affect change in another person. He said, "You need to take
your life into your own hands." "You need to go work,
earn your own money." Which essentially is not a bad advice, but of course,
I have to give him a part of this money as a compensation for the seminaries,
for what I was learning from him. Yes. Were you still living
at home at this point? Yes, I was still living at home. Maybe after one year, a friend in that group
and I moved together. Yes, but that was arranged by him. -Right.
-By the guru. It's closing the boundaries, isn't it? It's beginning to put a fence
around you and him and the rest of the group and cutting you off
from the rest of the world. -From the rest of the world.
-From your family and friends. -Yes.
-Yes. It's because that's how
cults will control. They'll look to control everything
that is in your life, your time, even what you eat,
when you go to bed, sleep, and what you do during the day. Sometimes,
they'll deprive people of sleep. Yes, that was later. -That was later?
-That happened as well. There was intense seminaries talk, hearing him talking
all night long without sleep, then go to school afterward. That always happened at the beginning. The sleep deprivation, the confessions,
the alternation of love and disdain, and the various other techniques
that you find repeated in one cult after another, after another. Whether they're religious cults,
political culture or psychological cults, they all seem to find their way
to the same bundle of techniques. It's really important to become a master
over the material world and the body. You have to work hard
and discipline your body and your mind. It's like a meditation,
and work is like meditation, so go to work, and you also resolve
your karma whilst working. That was also a good point. A good trick to say: When you work and earn money
and give me that money, by the way, you are going to decrease your karma, which means decrease your guilt
towards whatever, the universe. It's a win-win situation,
you go to work and... The whole thing
about the rewards and punishments because that's what you're talking about, "I'll be pleased with you"
is what he was saying. "I'll be pleased with you
if you do what I say." Mm-hmm. According to him, when you strayed
from whatever path he wanted you to follow then he would withdraw his attention. That meant that the love
that you felt at the beginning was actually very conditional. It was conditional on you
doing what he wanted you to do. We lived on a farm
and life was seemingly normal. There was someone who did the laundry, someone who did the cooking, other people busied themselves
building a workshop and a tree nursery while Benno coordinated everything
from the comfort of his room. The group bought a little Cessna 182 just for Benno since it was this dream
of having his own plane. People continued to explain to us why it was necessary
to do things like that making it seem like it was done
for a higher purpose. To me, this seemed more and more absurd. Benno was building his own little kingdom. One of the main aspects of this kind
of leaders is his omnipotence. What does omnipotence mean? Yes, omnipotence
is a trait of personality. It's: Myself, I'm grandiose. I'm the best, of course. I'm unique in possession of the truth. The TRUTH, in capital letters, of course. This is one
of the main traits of a leader. We can see that the leader, in some sense, tend to establish a perverse relationship
with the followers. I will introduce myself into your mind, and later I will remove your history,
your relationship, your identity... -Suck it out.
-Yes, of course. Later, you will depend on me. You will depend more,
and more and more on me. It's a parasitic type of relationship. I absorb all your life, and that's mine. You are nothing. There was a prophecy given
where inaccurate information was given. It was a prophecy that supposedly said
that Elvis Presley's wife was in heaven, whereas she's still alive. -She's still here, I knew that.
-Somebody made a mistake. -Yes.
-They didn't Google well. Obviously, Queen Maria
doesn't even look on the internet. She relies on people
to give her information. She's been so cut off from society
for so long, right? We thought of these other cults
as being weird and that they don't get it. The reality is the strangest cult
that's out there... We were being very sophisticated. We're exactly the same as these guys
with the shaved heads and the tambourines,
dancing on the sidewalk. "Here I am with my button-down shirt." I am no different than some ninny looking for money on the streets
of New York and singing Hare Krishna. My family never knew
what I was going through. We had very little contact
throughout these years. Now, they support me
in every way they can. This is my sister Teresa. Together, we are visiting
my lawyer in Zurich. Your brother came to me when his experience
was still fairly recent. What I did in the beginning
was to try and untangle the story. I have been working
with ex-members of cults for a long time. What I heard concurred with a number
of other stories I had heard before. When you first hear
a story like your brother's, and he tells you
how he was abused and exploited, how he was forced
to pay thousands of francs a month, you ask yourself
if any of that can be true. Then you go to where it all started, and you realize
it follows a pattern that you know well. The first step
is to pique someone's interest. Then you gradually make him
dependent by making promises, telling them how they will be
more intelligent and successful. The man captivated
your brother with tricks and thoughts on spirituality and also religion. At the same time,
he issued different threats. He took special pictures with smoke
surrounding your brother's hand, and told him
that it was a sign of impending illness. After initially gaining somebody's trust, the next step is establishing
discipline within the group. The leader made your brother
show personal letters and to always tell him what he was doing
during the time he wasn't with him. He instructed all members
to report your brother's behavior. This also worked vice versa
so he installed a surveillance system. In larger groups, this monitoring system is planned and enforced
to the smallest detail. In smaller groups
like the one your brothers was in the control was mainly established
by personal contact, endless talks
and emotional and physical retributions. Essentially, it's torture. In some cults,
it is done without any physical contact but the result is same. Leaving seemed
like a really hard thing to do. It would be like admitting
that everything I believed in turned out to be a lie. After ten years of going in one direction, albeit a dead end. I would have to turn around
and go back to the beginning. In the end, that's exactly what happened. There's something very basic too
about the way the cult sets up a culture. They come from the same root, and in the culture,
some things become okay, that really are not okay. Like harming and abusing people. Often, the leader of a cult puts himself
or herself above good and evil, and says,
"The normal rules don't apply to me." For that reason, they get away with doing things
that in a normal human context, would be seen as absolutely wrong. Ecstasy comes from a Latin word,
extasis, standing outside yourself. There's nothing more ecstatic
than a large group feeling the same thing. People get this sometimes watching sports,
and there's a dangerous side to it, too. We see that Hitler's Germany. Ordinary people
doing extraordinarily horrific things, they were outside themselves. There's a continuum
in our human experience of these things. When they're boundaried, in dance and sports, there can be
these wonderful moments of ecstasy. The cult experience can be very ecstatic. They ended up beating me. He had a revolver, a gun, and we were at his home in France,
in a living room all together, just the five of us. He would take out the bullets, and would slowly put in
the bullets in the gun and say, "Yes, just go on,
say what you want to say." Then, slowly put in the bullets
in that revolver. Suddenly he got very angry. He would come to me
and put the revolver on my head, saying, "I'm going to kill you right now," "at this very moment" "because you're not worth living." That's what he said,
pointing the revolver, and it went on like that for hours. He kept coming back to me
and pointing at me, and going back to his desk. He'd come back
and yell at me all the time. Eventually,
maybe five o'clock in the morning, at this meeting, I signed
an agreement that I owe him 3 million. -That's an incredible story.
-Yes. They would fill up the bathtub with water, tighten my arms and legs, and just put my head in it
for just 30 seconds, take it out again, again,
and again for one hour. I can't imagine,
something more exhausting. You just want to die. You just don't want to live
in that moment anymore. That's also an experience
that really breaks you inside. Any thought of opposition
to that environment really is drowning literally in the water. You don't have the strength
or the power to resist. You accept anything
and that's how they broke me. Almost every day or every week,
they broke me again. This inner force couldn't emerge. My will to go away
couldn't emerge even so. In the last half year, almost every day
they managed to break my will. He has just gone down there. I did tell him I'd be there,
and he was a bit taken aback... Here he is. -No, that's not him.
-That's not him. God, I can't recognize... It is him. I can't recognize my own brother anymore. I can't recognize my own brother anymore. -Strange feeling.
-Yes. He's just come up to speak to me, Graham,
but he was so nervous. -He dropped everything.
-He was very nervous with me on the phone. They can't touch you. Yes. What do you expect? I don't really know what to expect
because Roger's here as well. -Sure.
-He's my brother. It just feels slightly weird. Graham's my brother too,
but he's different. It does feel very odd giving a paper in front
of the people that I'm talking about. We worked out the first time
we've been together in the same building for 47 or 48 years. -Yes.
-Wow. When I was a child, I believed that
having roller skates was evil. I made this assumption
because I didn't have any. My world seemed to me
to be a dichotomous one, not technicolored at all. The things I had, I assumed were good. The things I didn't have,
I assumed were evil. It wasn't until a few years ago
that I discovered that my parents actually
didn't regard roller skates as evil. They just didn't know I wanted some. I was born and raised in the brethren, and left when I was 15,
when my parents left in 1960. Now you can work out how old I am. The then-leader of the group,
James Taylor Junior, had brought in a doctrine that stated that we should not eat
with those not in fellowship with us. To make this clear,
as I was still at school, this would have meant I could no longer
have lunch with my school friends. Now, it's this doctrine of separation that former members say
has led to many difficulties. Children need to play with other children
in order to develop social skills. Here are some quotes from leavers
about their experiences of friendships and how they now feel the lack
of the necessary interpersonal skills. Sandy talks about the fact that, in the brethren,
she didn't learn how to make friends. She just inherited them. You don't learn the rules
of friendship making. I can speak to that, actually, because I have a real struggle
in knowing what the word friend means. I actually find that really hard. There is continued stress for many people
from the division of families, children not able to see their parents, parents not able to see their children, husbands and wives separated. I met several fathers last year
who had left the group, and they were not being allowed
to see their children. I would like to thank all of you, those of you
that have been in contact with me for being so supportive because I haven't
just got one brother here, I've got two brothers here. My other brother is back there. I love you dearly, Roger,
and I miss you like crazy. This is the first time in 48 years that we three have been
in the same room together. When I saw him
sitting there in the audience, it was really quite unnerving because I'm used to talking
to a group of academics, not people from my own family, especially not somebody
I haven't seen for a long time. It was a bit difficult, but I think I had to find a way
of bracketing that off so that I could continue with the task,
which was reading my paper. Still, there were times
when it got very difficult. I was quite grateful
that I had the paper written out because that was
a security blanket, in a way. It helped me control my nerves a bit
because he was sitting in front of me. He wasn't even to one side, so whenever I looked up,
I could see him there. When he came up to me at the end,
at the front, just behind the desk there, it felt very strange because normally,
when people come up to me after a paper, they've come up to ask me questions. He came up and it was as if the family
had never been apart. He wanted to know how things were, and we were talking about the things
the families would talk about, "How's your mother, your daughter,
how're your children getting on?" It really felt almost surreal, as if some time warp
had suddenly happened, and as if the past 48 years
just hadn't been there. He seemed strangely
very pleased to see my daughter Jane. He gave her a huge hug. That was the only spontaneous
piece of behavior and speech that I actually saw. I introduced him to Jane and instantly
there was this sudden hug from him. This year has been quite a journey for me,
as I believe it has been for you too. Going out of the cult
was like an opening in an unknown world. At first, it was big struggle. I was really ashamed of my experience,
and I didn't want to talk to anybody. Also, I didn't know what to believe because there was nothing
to believe in anymore. I had to discover that many people
actually had similar experiences, and that was quite helpful
to get to know that. It can happen to anyone.
It's innate in humans. If you're in a group of people,
we might experience moments of ecstasy, and in these moments, we might get lost. That sense of self has to remain. You shouldn't relinquish your own power
to another human being even when they're helping you. I'm almost immune
to getting trapped again, and yet I know that
it's such a subtle process and requires a lot of awareness. Self-awareness. That feeling in yourself
in which you are grounded in this moment, which is all the reality there is. This moment. There's no future. That's a story. There's no past that's present. That's a story, and there are many
different stories of the past. This now, which is all we have,
is also extremely wonderful and precious, and when you can be in that present, the world opens up. Judy and I started this jail project where we go into the jail
and work with inmates. We call them jail residents. That's doing something real, you see. We've now moved in that direction
where we're trying to provide real service as opposed to nonsense with plastic healing instruments
and spirits and all that. We try to provide
something real for people. It's a startling contrast
to what we were doing over that period. It's just something
we do together as a couple. Oh, okay. Do you like this? It's okay. That's better than hand-holding. Throughout my journey, I have met some brave
and wonderful people. Sharing our stories has helped me come to terms
with what happened in my life. For me, there's only one thing left to do. For the first time in three years,
I'm going back to Caen, a small town in northern France. I want to see if the guru
still lives at the place. I found out that he disappeared. Wherever I go, I take my past with me, but it will not keep me
from living my life.
