Crystalina's Testimony

what is love well for me my father left when I was two and I was surrounded by aunts and uncles and even my grandmother who was divorced so for me love didn't last love was temporary and it wasn't a forever thing so that carried into my relationships when I was about a sophomore in high school I had my first serious relationship and after a while of dating we thought we were in love and everything was great and slowly the pressure started to set into the relationship and it came to the point where he said well girl if you really love me if you truly love me you'd prove it to me you'd show me just how much you love me so I needed advice so I went to my girlfriends and I said well he kind of wants to do this with man he wants to do that and they said well what's wrong with you everybody's doing it you love him right and I thought well yeah I love him so at the age of 15 I lost my virginity thinking it was gonna cause this huge great emotional bond between us and we'd be on cloud nine and so in love and in all actuality eventually it destroyed any love we had in that relationship and all respect was just thrown out the window because if I couldn't even respect my own body how is he supposed to respect it and after a while of Danan it seemed like he don't want to spend time with me anymore he was basically spending the time with my body and when a girl is being used she knows it she knows it in the depths of her heart she may deny it she may ignore it but she knows it and I knew it and after a while we are constantly fighting he was cheating on me and we broke up and went our separate ways now I will never forget the day when he walked away from me for the very last time and as he walked away from me all I could think about was that guy's taking something with him that never belonged to him in the first place but I can't get it back right what's the point it's already gone so there I was in the cafeteria talking with my girlfriends and I came to this conclusion okay if a guy can date me for about mmm six months without sleeping with me then he must love me then I'll sleep with them and I think you know six months six months is the price that I put on my body if he gives me just a little bit of that time just a little bit of that attention that's the definition of love and I carry this mentality all through high school he was the first guy that I slept with but he wasn't the last because sin took me further than I ever wanted to go or ever expect it to go now after a while living this lifestyle I got into the party and I got into the drinking I got into the clubbing I got into the drugs you name it I was into it Grande at the time yeah I thought it was a lot of fun it was very attractive and I know what that's like but I also know what it's like to wake up the next day when that party's over when your friends are gone and when you're there by yourself and I remember waking up thinking I can't believe I did that last night I hope I don't have to see his face on the hallway at school on Monday what if everybody finds out what we did all of these things constantly going through my head but the night before my friends would always say oh it's all fun and games don't worry about it it's not a big deal but the next day the fun and games were over and I remember one day waking up so disgusted and overwhelmed with the feeling of worthlessness and I thought to myself what's not the big deal here my body my self-respect my dignity what's not the big deal here and I wasn't happy and I knew I wasn't happy but I thought well I'm damaged goods it's already too late there's nothing I can do now after a while of living this lifestyle my mother had an idea what was going on with me and she said well there's there's a chastity talk at a church this weekend and you're going I said I am NOT going to a chastity talk to listen some guy talked about sex thanks but no thanks she said well you're going if you like it or not and I said okay fine I'll sit in the back of the church for 15 minutes and then I'm out of there I have a party to go to a friend's to see out of time but in that 15 minutes God had changed my life because he is the god of second chances and there was this guy that got up and he talked about of the parting of the sex all the pornography everything that he had been into and he just laid it out and I felt like that guy he had grabbed my hand out of the audience and he walked through my life like he could see the things I was most ashamed of in hiding and I thought well what's the difference he's done the same exact things I've done and I just watched him and he just had this peace and this joy and this confidence that he carried about himself that I didn't see that on my friends I didn't see that in the places I went to and I definitely didn't see that in the guys I was dating but he had one quality above all of him that I wanted more than anything and it's that he wasn't ashamed of himself i sat in my seat trying to figure out one day one day after I started living that lifestyle of just true peace and joy not worried what I'd done prior that night prior that weekend always worried but never any peace and I realized in that moment I need to get my standards out of the gutter and raised them as high as I possibly could and start respecting my body for once and start respecting my god now our God is the God of second chances and he he changed my life he turned me around and he gave me the grace to get out of that lifestyle and I tried so many times to get out of that lifestyle on my own because I was miserable I wasn't happy I was disgusted with myself and it I just needed to get out and I tried so many times and I promised myself I'm never gonna do that again and then the next weekend I was doing the same exact things but then I realized when you ask the grace from God and I begged him to get me out of that lifestyle he did and if you really want to turn your life around if you really want to start over you have to do it with Jesus or you're gonna fall right back in to the same old habits that you had now after I turn my life around well a lot of my friends they thought it was some big joke right they were constantly making fun of me and I went home and I told some what was going on the best advice they could give me so don't worry about it just ignore it you're doing the right thing well I tell you today if anyone makes fun of you for living out a lifestyle of chastity of purity of respecting your body and you get made fun of for that you remember it you remember every single word they say to you go home you make a book of it you write it all down because when you stand on that altar one day in front of your husband you tell me where is the laughter where is the mockery who will be making fun of you then nobody there will be complete silence in that church on that day and any of those people that made fun of you would pay a million bucks to be in your shoes and your life is so much more than what is going on right now in this moment and it doesn't matter who you are where you've been what you've done it doesn't matter all that matters now is where you go from here

Channel: Jason Evert

Views: 93,938

Rating: 4.9151673 out of 5

Keywords: Crystalina Evert, chastity, testimony, Jason Evert, catholic, secondary virginity, purity, abstinence, sexual healing

Id: 4DLxGiCFeY4

Length: 7min 54sec (474 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 07 2012