Craig Ferguson & His Audience, 2013 Edition, Vol. 3 Out Of 3

[Music] go back that way and wait for me ladies when I tap you on the shoulder please state your name and your sexual preference please state your name and where you're from Briana Australia Ali Australia Courtney in Canada Shari Canada Chelsea Oh Canada Georgie England breath England [Applause] these as you can see is the entire lesbian rose this evening and from all different countries it's like International House of Pancakes ladies this is a very exciting moment for me not only is this is the largest collection of foreign ladies we've ever had on the show but I know how tense CBS are because they think I'm gonna send all of you to a restaurant on their cab and they're trying to send me signals right now not to do that but I'm going to know over time well different no different places are you gonna split them up that's colonial man you can't do that no they have to go to the same place no what the hell is this dude what Baltic regs you can all go to Craig's restaurant it creates a very good rich steak you your vegetarians don't you your English this is gonna be awesome for you poor part of England I'm from Brighton I love Brighton I slept on the beach Munson's right are you from Brighton - yeah do you ever go down and that there's a club rate at the beach and then you come out drunk you just fall asleep yeah now you guys are from Vancouver Island if you were really hating you would have done it like that you may be like that goober island that's nice and you're assuming from Brisbane on the East Coast oh yeah Brisbane did the Cobbers revenge I've never been to Brisbane don't rant about it come on over this is secretary I follow him to the end of the corridor and then go to the whole secretary I'd go [Applause] [Music] [Applause] goons fitties please state your name and where you're from my name is Christie I'm from Flint Michigan I'm Rachel I'm also from Flint Michigan oh hi hi what are you ladies doing in Los Angeles taking a Hollywood vacation Wow well I say you look great I love your dress and your cross and you've got lovely shoes on with the things on them and it's like it's like a fashion parade what are you doing on your holy bit of vacation where you going here okay we're gonna go to a Dodgers game oh good a Dodger dog yeah it's all Hollywood so far have you been to Hollywood before just one when one was about a year ago and you liked it mushy peas yeah yeah it's quite a tone actually the truth is I've never been to Flint Michigan what goes on in Flint Michigan murdered hold on a second excuse me I just have to speak to the audience that's not funny mergers yeah so you're here for the the good wholesome times that you can have in Hollywood California all right well what do you guys do when you're in Flint Michigan do you run a some kind of fashion store we're nurses really yeah wow I'm impressed thank you well then you want to come here and get a bit of frivolity must be quite hard work being a nurse yeah I feel chastised I feel like I've been punished in a sort of naughty nurse sort of know is that nurses aren't they kind of like when they party they really can up we work hard party hard I like these girls [Music] Gregg how are you how are you express to these ladies how much you like them legally well I shall spend some of CBS's millions and millions of dollars by sending them to a swanky restaurant where we going to send up two masters Tico's have barely [Applause] and are you just here on your own just the two of you alright do you want to take dates sure all right foot for Table four for ya but your dates aren't allowed to eat no you see table for four masters Beverly Hills CBS we'll pick up the tab and what else do you want dessert it's part of the whole thing yeah yeah this is Hollywood dessert comes with then what else you want to go and see a real show like the price is right or something yeah you can dress up for the prices you dressed up now you look great thank you I have to go to a commercial break and have him yell at me the size of this guy look at the size of him you go first Secretariat has shied shied away because sorry what's your name again Christopher Christopher I saw Christopher sitting in the audience and I thought this man is enormous this is where you're six before yeah and then you come out nothing well you know that much taller I mean but then I thought he is rather big before example look this is a regular sized hat wait no to give you [Music] give you a sense of perspective let me look at this your name Ian Alexa I like so now like sighs a regular-sized lesbian for bless beer oh right you were in lesbian ruin you and five five five five which what's the average height for a lesbian over the lesbian role I wait a minute I think we haven't a normally on lesbian right anyway we'll carry on you stand there with a hat you start there and then we'll do the beginning of the show just stand there I'll be fine when I tap you in the shoulder please state your name Alexa Chris well excellent Chris have you ever met each other before no have we ever met in the street no no okay now I'm just gonna do a trick but I don't know any tricks do you have you made each other before no have you uh did you come with anyone no I came by myself I see did you come with anyone yes how what who Emma and Whitney a mann-whitney u t girlfriends yes dude this is about to get really awesome for you thank you for caring tell me what happens after day well Lex and you're too hot friends you're going all four of you are going to a restaurant well yeah all four of them yeah they're going to two of them and then the two friends that's all right right you can afford that right it's all right or or you could send me to con take your pack thank you Kaffee lava lamp that's a great restaurant I know it's gonna be a little awkward cuz the three of you know each other and you've never been there now you girls be kind because the thing is I remember you know when I was little I was big if you know what I mean I was like we use the biggest guy in your class and didn't you feel kind of awkward when the other other kids are like kind of having their life and you were like no that was like me - I was like that too what's up bad for you I think no not really they chased me on my Shrek but wait wait coach is right we're gonna get to me I even said like oh I don't care [Applause] it's alright so you're going to Cathy low BAM that's great that's French you know well that would be good are you guys excited are you from Otis home yes where you from I'm from Tennessee Oh Tennessee that's lovely which part - well Nashville that's the Vegas of Tennessee my right I got me a tornado warning once when I was in Nashville and the weather was fine [Applause] [Music] please state your name and where you from my name's Lindsay I'm from st. Louis st. Louis Missouri mm-hmm I say Missouri because I'm out of the cell you say you're I'm out of Missouri Missouri are you mocking me see Louis they that's where they have those things really cold again Jeff what's it are you even awake playing around man all right all right going on over there all right so st. Louis yes yes what are you doing st. Louis I'm a nurse a nurse we had nurses the other night is this becoming a nurse thing are they saying that you guys here as part of your training are you a psychiatric nurse is that what are they are you really sometimes okay you married no dating no you looking for something baby what you looking for skeleton horse kind of thing you after oh yeah let's stay with humans so what's your ideal man then if it is a man I mean maybe a woman I don't know like no judging I'm like I'm cool whatever it is the man woman man man okay what are you looking for in a man so I probably want to stay away from Scotland that look I go these when I came to America they meet you at the airport they're like well in America there's your teeth I was like thank you well guess what but good news okay I found your boyfriend yeah he's a animatronic and gay okay but he has a heart of gold and knows what to do with one of his hands it's a star no we're gonna send you to I've swanky Hollywood eatery aren't one sure that's the one Lisa Vanderpump you know that Beverly Hills housewife Lisa Vanderpump that's her restaurant that's where she Vanderpump's okay you ever seen a Vanderpump before no it's quite a sight these ladies will send you all you can all eat for free on CBS's dime and I really mean it when I say dine [Applause] please state your name for the folks at home Joseph Joseph amazing news you're no more do you know these two ladies that are sitting behind me Joseph I do sir who are they one would be my beautiful wife came in my lovely daughter Caitlin I see and why are you all here this evening oh because my wife is a great fan of yours why your wife is a great father the truth is revealed [Music] yes but you do not so much I [Music] what are you preferring late-night Joe something that you can find on your computer where you from Joe Tucson Tucson Arizona they've got one of the best air museums in the country thank you very much is it yours yeah are you in any way responsible for it not in the least well then don't thank me you're in no way responsible for that air museum what do you do there in Arizona on your computer I don't think we can talk about that on the air hold on a second you don't know the end of the hand sanitiser over there well good news Joe and family who are very understanding about Joe's computer thing we're sending you to a restaurant which is Cafe La Boheme it's named after a cafe and there you will eat for free thank you very much you're welcome I feel weird though that you haven't told us what you do on the computer but well and what I do on the computer is what most people would do on the computer I just look things up in read news and check out sports do things you can't talk about on television he's a spy ladies and gentlemen please meet Robin and her friend Secretariat Robin was on the show last night and she and Secretariat have become great friends Secretariat can't stop smiling hey Jeff you do some narration Morgan Freeman arational Sunbear you do well there's Robin gently gently stroking Secretariat's muscle permanent smile on his face because of plastic surgery in I think the Lighting's pretty bad down here Robin hold on yeah we have this trouble every time Toby Keith is owned as well here there there you go right Jeff keep your Craig adjusted Robin's hat but she looked like a strange pirate after that soit's interrupt if you didn't see the show last night are you Robin was on in the audience last night and she came out and she was so perky when I was talking to her at the beginning of the show she said a phrase what was it Robin hot hot dog and Secretariat was just charmed I was charmed Jeff was charmed the three this the three amigos the three wits always just menage three guys but now Yoko Ono is here I know we mean that in a derogatory term to man the hell's wrong with me tonight all right Jeff now reap their friendship a little bit and then we'll go to a commercial break I'll stay out of the way over at the back they're great Robin you continue to be perky and adorable although now you've been in show business for over 24 hours I've got a feeling you're gonna get cynical sure Robin brought the sunshine made everybody's day better but once she showed up the three amigos were never quite the same Kraig looked on in anguish he realized he wasn't wearing any underwear then he felt nothing about it but okay [Laughter] [Applause] [Music] welcome back to the big show where tonight we're celebrating everything what we doing well we get the Gay Pride weekend weekend stuff horses stuffed horses we would never agree to that unless we love horses and we don't want to see them stuffed which is good man soon as that camera goes up yeah I know because the thing is the camera goes on her and she smiles and then but but when the camera is not on her she's going like this to me did she did she just mouthed the words I own you Fergus yeah I own you that's what she said how do you think there's long do you think the stupid vampire phase is going to last I think it's over and it's done yeah yeah second area is still until you still like the Twilight don't you what's that you've got on your stall there I think secretary has moved on as well she couldn't do Ezard from Lena in Overland Park in Kansas who says a deer Craig does Jeff hang with tiny drew Carey when you're not making the show no no Yang's with their Robin and secretary why you laughing wrong because I remember Drew when he was fat those were good times weren't they yeah he's thin uh yeah good for him good for him yeah yeah I'm not saying it's bad you know it's healthy and stuff but you know gets angry too doesn't he does he get angry not if you still if you still call him fat I don't know I never tried myself you would you know I don't think we should do that do you should try it open no don't make him angry he's my friend don't just call them up be like hey man you look a little little trippy I'll call them in the comedy phone all right no I'm doing it no let's do it hey drew oh yeah oh yeah hey who's that about like Jay Leno you sure you're not JLo what have you driving through let me get in front you know I think oh hey man hey man what's going on my god alright listen you know Robyn it's on my show Wow she called you fat no she was just checking to see if you go angry if you go cold fight even though you're no longer fat it's not worth it I own you [Music] [Music] [Applause] well thanks for visiting with me in the family do you have a nice time oh how did the lightful time she loves soup she said delightful I know I wish you a bit more like her Oh what the hell man don't make this about me to st. Robin seems to you know bring a certain kind of Giada vivre to the events as opposed to your cynical horse aten ways well you're no Little Miss Sunshine either pal I'm sorry you had to see this Robin I'm sorry you at Sears good night [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] - no night on the very special Late Late Show we tell the story of Ashley Ashley and Rika and they're touching attempt to balance on one roller skate what happened I actually was going up the escalator at the metro Vermont and oh oh oh here do you use the underground railway unless they're crazy apparently so and I had really high heels on cuz you know you men love those no yeah yeah stock in the escalator good stuck in this plane you know no and this cuz I got a big chunk out of my shoes no uh-uh and what happened to you lag then broke my fibula dislocated my ankle oh yeah I'm so sorry but good news the other ones fine how long do you have to wear this another two months oh man so you'll be wearing it all the way through September well the good news is this CBS in their wisdom have decided to send both of you you are friends right I didn't just like do it yeah I all right how friendly are you if I may ask fine fine okay you know just just wanted to know just being nosey anyway CBS have said that they will send you to sewer sewer not the sewer we're gonna sit you're going back down under Drive and this time you're gonna get it right no the sewer it's a French word for that something and it's that restaurant you know the Beverly Hills housewives like Lisa Vanderpump the lady whose name sounds like a penis enlargement Jeffrey where's my Lisa Vanderpump David right over here yeah of course I don't need it anymore but will the they'll say and you can go there and and wheel around like of course well you know it better be because that's important do you notice that if you said in a wheelchair people treat you like you're stupid yes it's weird right it's really weird I think yes of course but the you know when you talk to people who are in wheelchairs or the Titan it's like because people go hello like Stephen Hawking's the smartest man in the world and he's the wheelchair like hello Stephen Hawking it's really it's odd to me but there you go so would you feel okay all right then well I'm sure they are handicapped accessible and and next time you know I was gonna say don't wear high heels but no just be careful because hmm maybe not drink you drunk I didn't say drunk human you would you can't go to the restaurant nah be very very quiet I'm hunting Canadians [Music] which one of these wait is I said a bit like Barbara Walters a little bit which one of these wadies is a Canadian [Music] which one tap or with your snut Rome yes well ladies can you and I'll tap you on the shoulder you state your name of Rome Lisa from Ottawa Canada from Chicago North Canada you sir are fired and now the shows all my the horse isn't fired the ladies are up here because what happened was this was your name you Laura Laura and Lisa yes Laura Lisa were sitting like look behind like behind each other like exact for example Canada is behind sort of Chicago look there were certain behind these uh and I and I said hey I like your haircut and the boys went Thanks I've been around women a little bit in my life and I know that you don't want to separate them out I don't you know what I mean by that but I'm saying this I didn't want to insult anyone by saying that was somebody's haircut was better than anyone else they're both spectacular haircuts you both look great and one of you isn't from America that's all right what's neither am i originally why are you here vacation really what's wrong with Canada Canada's one of the great vacation spots of the world why are you here you're both an L ever vacation that's like have you seen this done yeah no coming back again next year well good news we're said how many people you here with my mom and my dad great and how many are you with you just your husband so that's just like what did you five I didn't finish high school when we ascended you all together to one restaurant which CVS is gonna pay for that restaurant is Craig's right so that's a good restaurant it's gonna do me it really is good get the the chocolate pizza it's really good and we're gonna send you and you can get together and and you know and talk to each other and maybe we can end the strife between Canada and America go right back everybody guess what boy yes there are some people here in the audience from Iceland they see them from Iceland busy look just like regular Americans to me let's check out using your special powers of guessing where people are from oh that's funny to you this I could hear you laughing inside your own hands are you listen can you hear no no he stopped all right all right tell me if they're Icelandic go [Music] they are great okay all right okay Icelanders if that is where you are from when I tap you on the shoulder please state your name and your town and Iceland so I am sorry yes from very weak Iceland Reykjavik yeah first it I I could at it Eleanor's can study cohort thank you look I know this seems a little frightening but an America this happens all the time are you guys on vacation here yeah yeah are you in a band you look like you might be in a band are y'all related yeah Oh everyone in Iceland related to me a little bit sort of kinda yeah no not really no so you're on vacation in California yes yeah not very many volcanoes in California rather disappointing lack of what the some what do you guys do in Iceland then uh I work at a kindergarten school a kindergarten school for little Icelandic children what do you do sir ah music school music school yeah so you are a musician yeah my my favorite band of the moment my favorite favorite band of the moment are from Iceland Of Monsters and Men do you know this band and they a great band awesome see I know buys lend wreak havoc oh and there have been 400 polar bear sightings in Iceland even although polar bears are not native of Iceland did you know this well polar bears are pretty scary so I'd keep an eye out for them but they're all in the north and you guys are from the south right I think I've figured out where our show needs to go next good news everybody we're sending you to an American restaurant what's the cold Michael caffee Lubo ham it's French but they're but they they pay their taxes here it's a great restaurant we will send you there for free and anything you don't eat you can't take back to Iceland [Music] [Applause] I know this feels kind of awkward but I'm really enjoying myself [Applause] one of these men is Bill Hader one is Ted McCarran and one is Donald Trump and now wait a minute turn around turn around turn that Donald rah I'm suing mr. Trump that was a complete nonsensical drive-by I do beg your pardon sort of oh yes enough do it don't you agree you guys look alike yeah yeah yeah how much you hate me right now attack oh no I like it fun really yeah it's so bright up here he's never seen daylight he's a television writer well that's our show everybody let's stand like this [Music] [Applause] check them out see if they're really Belgian all right good [Music] [Applause] ladies when I tap you on the shoulder please state your name and your home country Margaux Belgium Jasmine beltram Oh Margaux and Jasmine are you in town for the new Smart's movie they opened this weekend that's Belgian you know yeah it is did you guys grow up I'm sorry I do a flag on the ground it's fine there so do you have that thing about the Belgian flag like we can't put the Stars and Stripes on the ground you're not allowed it's our walk people crazy yeah we don't know we don't really know Belgians done a lot for the world you get waffles jean-claude Van Damme fries fries yeah that's chocolate all right now get off the Bragg so what are you doing here we're road tripping to California road tripping through California how lovely we're gonna send you to an expensive restaurant CBS is expensive and when I say we I mean maestro steakhouse Mastro's master that's a great place not Belgian though Italian Italian we're fine with that you don't like you don't like Belgian food yes we do what's the best thing to eat in Belgium like if you're an American tourist what does it taste something particularly Belgian food wise what would you we would say store fleas store fleas yeah did I see it right yeah you did stuff Liz yeah correct yeah if you have to lean back and open your eyes about who's there yeah so does anyone wants to lose its ass - yeah what what is it well it's it's a student I know why I said that's because you told me what it was I thought let's mess with the space-time continuum with these like you answered the question before I even asked it and you know that's what makes Belt in the nation that it is today well done Belgians walk with me all right walk with me go at the same time I'll hide behind you like they used to do [Music] check and see if there really I [Music] when I taught you on the server please state your name and where you're from Murray Ireland Katrina Ireland which part of I love Rome ladies the West style Slagle that's one of the great parts [Music] is it no no new mail me both that's delicious have you tried you've been in America it's that I you on holiday in America where we're on like a gia one of these that's the thing in Ireland so you come on I know what you're doing here that's how I go here oh yeah I'm just taking a be holiday for about five years of course ice no but you're doing I like your dresses you look very summery thank you very much you couldn't wear these in Sligo a lot are you enjoying life in Los Angeles it's beautiful it transpose it stressful stressful the traffic I know she not long for the days where you can take your horse and buggy down to the public [Music] people give you a very hard time with the lepre corn thing and everything oh yes we just have to say potato a lot so potato for everyone just like too cool right there juicy potato right that I know is weird though cuz my father's mother was from Donegal and although of my family are from Ireland and when you said potato I kind of go turned on I love potatoes we're gonna send you to a restaurant for free where is it Michael what mice Mastro's that's great they've got the best potatoes there you can get steak and potatoes and we're gonna send you there for free have you got your boyfriend's or something here no boyfriend [Music] you remove American use alright boy one of our guests back there is an Australian I know using your powers of horse eNOS you have to detect which one the other two aren't Australian they're German don't be afraid we have two Germans in an Australian and they walk into a bar right you have to tell me which one's the Australian all right all right go [Music] [Laughter] yeah [Applause] [Music] what when I tap you on the shoulder please state your name and where you're from what is your bill okay I'm Karina if I'm dissing off in Germany [Music] and use it I'm Jacob from Melbourne Australia Jacob from Melbourne alright my I don't know I was originally gonna have just the two German guests on the show over there no they're not in any way related are you your Justin okay I'm not a magician or anything I'm just checking okay we've never met before though have we anyway the thing is I was just gonna have the two Germans and then when you guys were coming out Jacob yeah from Melbourne Australia he was over there and he went all that German birds alright so are you guys all here on holiday yes well on a break a break yes from what from what my wife [Applause] yeah [Applause] [Music] take that stereotype and you young lady what are you doing here I'm studying English here you're doing a great job it's the best English I've ever heard in my life and you sir I'm here for a vacation really well why don't you all get together and go to a restaurant it seemed who else is with you my brother up here your brother is here and so that's just you and your brother just begin monkey that's two who's my friend over there you have a French friend yeah so you guys patched it all up then your friends from the big international pancake well that's good so you and your French friend the two German gentlemen and you here you've got to be here with like five dudes or something right I'm just one all right so you're sailing - all right - two stallions yeah that's through six of them you gonna send them to arrest don't look at me like you got money man [Applause] Kraig's that's a great restaurant is nothing to do with me but it's freaks and they have this chocolate pizza and you guys should all go and get together and the Australians and the Germans and the French and everybody'll just like this figure it out there you're welcome future generations of Earth oh oh oh my friends are here yeah here's the thing we decided that we were going to make an international party of the whole thing we've got what's your name again sorry Mary oh that's lovely from France and then Karina from Germany and some other dudes and stuff and Tian ELISA and the two Irish girls from last night sure bill who's from Germany I just wanted to say that he doesn't fight love his wife and the joke he made at the beginning of the show should in no way cause some trouble at home later no you'll be fine it's all right is your wife German Italian Italian you're screwed man I know you're thinking Craig why are you sending everyone from other countries out for a dinner CBS's expense and not sending any Americans oh well you're wrong I am sending America's out there's two parts of the horse going on this trip tonight as well and and we're gonna give everyone in the audience a free stick of gum which is all the money that's gonna be left after we pay for all of these people to go for dinner be honest who here likes to drink a lot of alcohol I'm looking at you Australians now here's the thing now that we're on the air and the you know and CBS are committed to paying for this I'm looking at you guys to make me proud all right I want about mammal going around CBS tomorrow that says Craig if you ever do that again your ass is fired that was beautiful a letter say good night [Applause] all right you guys ready all right one two three four what these ladies claim to be German yes these ones so let's test them test them boys test if they're really Germans [Music] all right please take a name and your reason for being here this evening my name is Nadia and I'm studying Business Administration in San Diego I see my name is San China and I'm here because I like your jokes wait wait wait wait wait wait I'm sensing a certain amount of insincerity here see when when I do the German accent on this short like I you know I'm only kidding right I was like I don't mean any harm to you no but I will ask you is the does the German accent that does it sound reasonably authentic yeah this to me makes me very happy indeed what about Jeff's German accent yeah we enjoy your being here very much it's great oh yes in that case please accept this small German flag [Music] if you can answer one simple question we will send you for a free slap up meal at a restaurant called look at the Vinita it's Italian right oh you guys get along yeah I'm sorry it's a stupid joke alright here's the question name the southern you have 30 seconds no three seconds no five new 88 seconds to answer name the southernmost province of Germany southernmost province province of Germany from your promise all right I said it wrong all right very funny province province the area the area what's the area called the zone but that's more than eight [Music] [Applause] that's nice you to say I want to say something naughty actually if she's still here yeah yeah Nadia the German Nadia foul off the new sir Paulo I think what she saying it's what's happening here what is this lot of weird pubic thing on your face power of the new file of the new sir am I saying it wrong that's the one thing I know how to change what is it it means hit me in my nuts oh yeah [Music] so here's the thing this - this - here claim to be from Brazil let's find out [Music] [Applause] but all right stay there now yeah pretend you've seen the show before or just use evidence it'll be fine when I tuck you on the shoulder please state your name for the folks at home not necessarily in Brazil katchoo is you're funny I see fala portugues si si sadly I don't so here's the thing if you really are from Brazil and can prove it then we will send you to a fantastic restaurant in the los angeles area what is it master Steakhouse which is fantastic not not Brazilian food [Applause] you are from Brazil as you claim to be you will be able to name three people in the 1970s National Soccer side from Brazil three hmm pehle of course toss down yes Jackie knew what Dean you know yeah yeah for my money the best soccer say that ever existed pillar I think we have a language problem however these people are clearly adorable and demand free stuff which I'm going to give them Craig why are you giving that away because it's cbs's and I want to so you have won the prize of the soccer ball signed by Secretariat [Applause] [Music] [Applause] we pre-recorded the cold-open at the beginning of the show most of the shows live but we now only have 40 seconds for these lovely people oh boy am I glad it's only 40 seconds before we got a prize what's the prize dinner at 3:00 [Applause] quickly we only have 90 seconds to introduce a show today's show is going to be great Rosie Perez is on it these people will not be on it I'll be on it but only a little bit it'd be worth coming back if you wanted if not you watch Fallon I don't care all right are you ready okay we'll get started when I tap you sir on the shoulder please state your name for the folks at home Mikey Mikey friendly little spud aren't you where are you from Mikey if that's your real name Lakewood California Lakewood hey check him out okay and Secretariat is moving across the floor so Mikey from Lakewood what do you do for a living I work in graphic arts really you surprised me what are you doing graphic arts I create promotional Flyers and graphics Ferrara has enough so when I came out earlier on I need to have my eyes checked because what I said was used through the goat when I was coming out and I said oh the lady who threw the goat come on dad you are in fact to do don't you I am yeah yeah well that's alright hey hey don't give a round of applause from just being a dude unless you had to go through a lot of procedures - all right so Mikey I want to ask you about your beard yes sir it's a small pointy goatee yes sir is there any significance to that could be what is it then is it some kind of game or thing No is it some kind of graphic design thing could be are you a spy if I told you I'd have to kill you maybe putting me over misery all right one question for you if you get this question correct you will be able to go for a free dinner at love cafe La Boheme oh you love it there Venky it's a French restaurant right have you ever been to France no well this is like going to France but better all right here's the question yes sir Iceland is in the North Atlantic its capital city is reka Vick correct correct that's the right [Applause] don't stand too close to that fire you set your clothes on fire it's so cold in here tonight but members of the studio audience are gathering around the fire to stay warm you probably don't recognize me I had my hair cut you see I have a haircut looks really good yeah thanks I it's going the other way did you know what's that where you would light my hair my whole life my hair is going this way and then suddenly I'm going the other way I'm going the other way everybody I think it's time yeah have you ever gone the other way hold the doll all the time ladies what are your names my name is Jaclyn Bishop hello Jacqueline bishop and you are Maria Maria Maria is a little more mysterious than Jacqueline I think that Jacqueline's bishop is open and friendly and tells you things about herself Maria has no time for you [Applause] but she's a Russian are you rushing yes oh well believe it yeah yeah absolutely Maria is plotting my assassination are you visiting from Russia no I studied with her oh you do you teach Russian know I almost oh you know some Russian so you just thought oh you're your film students I see how's that going it's fabulous we're here with you this is not really a film right this is it normally TV either isn't really more just a creepy public access show however the good news is we're sending you to a restaurant are we yes but you have to go the other way because of my hair what are we sending them sewer oh sure not a sewer no don't worry it's not like you're getting said to the sewer like in Russia it's this sure sure is that that's Lisa Vanderpump's race Lisa Vanderpump's one of the Beverly hits the one Vanderpump sounds like right and so she and we're going to send you two and two friends of yours before you're welcome Bernardo [Music] that's Julis let you know that even although my hair's going the other way it's still the generous warm-hearted shoe it's always been join us after the break when we take a serious look at the mayor of Toronto don't worry everything's gonna be fine this gentleman here is from Hungary he doesn't speak very much English he's a guest in our country and so we must treat him nicely this horse fortunately speaks both Hungarian and English but can only translate in thoughts in the voice of Morgan Freeman bet you're glad you skinned up before the show aren't you alright let's begin hello what's your name zoton zoton ohh my name is Zoltan [Applause] [Music] Chilton you're from hungry yes yes yes and why are you visiting the United States I visit my uncle I got lost and had nothing better to do you're visiting your uncle in California yes I see and what do you do for a living in Hungary what is your job your profession yes yes yes I'm a professional wrestler really you uh do you work out no no no I do not but perhaps you'd like to some time with me what what is he sick why do you why you moving around so much oh sorry Zoltan I think I got a lost control of habit so [Applause] [Music] you watch the commercials we'll try and get it all sorted I feel a little bit bad I feel like I maybe you know I might I didn't mean to but I think I might have embarrassed Zoltan a little bit at the beginning of the show know you've got thought about it you're in the monologue across the audience must be very quiet and I think that's what that's what put them in a bad mood with me they were like you were such a jerk - Zoltan it didn't mean to be so so what I'll do is we'll send Zoltan and his girlfriend who wouldn't even come down from our seat - at Craigs restaurant right that's that's a really good rest great place yeah [Music] see I we wanted we wanted sometimes girlfriend to come down and she was like no she's a very smart girl she well that's what the Hungarian girls are very clever they are this man was sitting in lesbian row so please state your name and for the folks at home Todd Lundberg Todd Lundberg Swedish yes correct actually from Sweden or of Swedish descent Swedish to say I see so Todd are we leaning to the side a little bit tonight todd todd this at any point we may break into a hip-hop song [Music] Oh God Todd what are you do for a living other than your hip-hop career obviously well I'm an actor slash paralegal an actor paralegal yes okay now Todd you realize you were sitting in lesbian row yes which disappoints me because as you can see this evening lesbian role is a spectacular array of female beauty and I was looking at it and then just at the very end as my eyes waved across the stunning ladies of lesbian row they fell upon Utah I'm sorry don't apologize I I just wonder if anyone had told you that you were you were sitting on lesbian row no well good news Todd and the beautiful girls of lesbian row because all of you all of them you cheap bastard all of them are going to go out to a restaurant and we will eat for free Locanda Veneta it's an Italian restaurant it's a very good one too isn't it obviously let me ask you very quickly by nodding of head or not ladies of lesbian row have you ever met Todd before you're welcome [ __ ] fruits all right come over and have a snappy day for real all right go so please state your name when I tap you on the shoulder Greg Greg and Lisa Greg and Lisa what do you do for a living Greg and Lisa I'm a retired police lieutenant than an attorney I see and you Lisa I'm a retired police officer two cops do cars in the how did you guys meet on a stakeout no I walked in and said you're driving me oh really you were her boss yeah let me put it to you mr. Sokoli that this is in fact a case of sexual harassment you're right they sit with him but she didn't sue me well but she married you yeah and that means she gets more of your stuff [Music] [Applause] [Music] you want to hear my New York cop story here's not like I was drunk in New York once on a motorcycle it was a long time ago statue of limitations is up I thought this motorcycle and I boom I come off the motorcycle in an intersection this New York cop comes over he goes give me your driver's license you're drunk and I give him a driver's license then it's a British driver's license right did I just come in and open up it's got a picture of the Queen and I you know a drawing of Hogwarts and some he looks like it's this it's a British driver's license he goes I put out in your pocket drive away take care you'll be all right we figured that it would be about three days worth of paperwork was that you know I pulled off a Jill Clayburgh meaning yeah driver's license no license no ice I just said have a nice day and that's when you retired wow I think everything's worked out rather well oh we're gonna send you to a restaurant what restaurant we're gonna send you to sure oh no sir is the restaurant owned by Lisa Vanderpump who's the ladies in the you ever seen the Beverly Hills hose waves things she's the lady and that one's the restaurant ah well here's another story I ran into her in another restaurant the other day and apparently she was mad at me I never told you this she came over and she was mad at me because I said her name sounded like a penis enlargement device [Applause] you know it's like like for example and she was really mad at she was like I'm gonna make fun of you in my reality show and I was like oh no but but it does sound a bit like anyway when you're there giving my best officers of the law better respect that all right please state your name for the folks at home would you janae Henry today Henry yes so when they were calling out your name at school they'd go Henry janae and every go as your name Henry okay where are you from janae Arlington Texas Arlington Texas that's one of my favorite Arlington's some of the cowboys exactly well to be honest many places in Texas are home of the Cowboys janae what are you doing in LA it's going to school for television production I see please don't do anything you see here in your ad now janae yes there's been a crime here at CBS today and we want to help you we want you to help us solve it are you ready ready all right what are you laughing at go ahead all right it seems Jeff's favorite yellow flower has been stolen and I for the life of me can't think of where it might be Jeff is beside himself aren't you jack I am I was driving through Texas when I lost it if only we could see where that sucker was if only we could see where that sucker was dude great Jeff my wife is in the face where she keeps telling me I'm wrong about pretty much everything can you give me a good comeback dude that's not a face that's your wife and you are wrong about everything she told me over lunch I had lunch with her and your mom what am I going [Laughter]

Channel: The Jayleno Fly

Views: 1,214,504

Keywords: クレイグと女の子の女性, ロボットをゲオフ, craig ferguson, craig ferguson and the ladies, flirting masterclass, funny late night, best talkshow, funny talkshow, talkshow compilation, talkshow moments, flirt talkshow, geoff the robot, the jayleno fly, funny moments, super happy fun time hour with robot and old man, craig ferguson his audience, craig ferguson investigates cold open, craig ferguson restaurant, cold open craig ferguson audience, craig audience 2013 edition vol 3, hawthorne effect

Id: uVMmVlw2-Y4

Length: 71min 43sec (4303 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 08 2017