CPTSD & HIGH MASKING AUTISM SERIES: 5 SIGNS YOU MAY BE AN UNDIAGNOSED AUTISTIC WOMAN | DR. KIM SAGE

foreign [Music] this is going to be a very different video than what I normally post but I hope it's going to be a safe place and I know this is the internet so we'll see to talk about something that I am at the beginning of an incredibly Deep dive on that I feel compelled to share with you and I might be posting like little videos on Tick Tock alongside this here but I just I feel like I can't look away from it many of you know that I had a very strong passion for talking about complex PTSD specifically childhood PTSD and the nature of what I've often called Silent trauma toxic hyper vigilance basically a trauma personality that when you have a certain childhood it's sort of hard to understand who could you have been what traits and qualities might you have had had you not grown up in those environments and for me I don't know both my parents were what I've called eggshell type parents who really struggled with their own emotional regulation my father had severe trauma as a child which I believe led to him deciding to not be here anymore when I was 23 that was of course incredibly traumatic for me and not to mention the relationship or lack thereof one we'd had my mother as I've talked about I do believe although I'm starting to question a few things about her difficulties I do believe lived has lived her life with undiagnosed borderline but she did not really have an identifiably traumatic childhood not in the ways that we talk about even complex PTSD or the types of traumas that might create borderline now that being said we know that these disorders whatever you want to call them I don't love that word they're incredibly complex and I do not think that we are anywhere near I think we're at the very beginning of understanding the Dynamics between our brains and our environments and how things play out and there's been a lot of conversation around the overlap and often misdiagnoses and confusing diagnoses around borderline complex PTSD autism ADHD and even narcissistic personality disorder and so I've been doing a deep dive specifically on understanding autism now the dive I'm doing is specifically targeted to understanding what I guess would now be called level one autism the way that autism might be related and not related to what we would think of today as often symptoms of complex PTSD especially around things that I've talked about like hyper vigilance sensory issues being sensitive and I sort of you know I've spent about 20 25 hours in the last several days doing a deep dive I just I read that book the book called unmasking autism over the weekend I've been on a ton of websites a ton of research articles I've ordered a couple more books I've got the book neurotribes I'm reading right now and I got two more books on ordered two more books on the presentation of autism and females but the books are a bit older and so I still think they're valuable but they also don't necessarily seem to address what I'm trying to understand which is what is the possibility that someone like myself or any of you may have in addition to or related to level one types of autistic traits maybe they're just subclinical traits maybe they're the actual full diagnosis as it relates to our complex what we thought or maybe related to our complex PTSD symptoms and you can see how I'm kind of like fumbling over my words because I am at the beginning of this inquiry I as a psychologist you know what you need to understand if you don't know about this field is that it's so Broad and vast that in our programs for example with something like autism unless we're seeking out a specific training or course we don't get an understanding of that in fact if that is going to be your specialty let's say as a psychologist you're going to do a lot of extra trainings and coursework and books and reading and so for someone like me I've done a lot of trainings on childhood trauma on complex PTSD on anxiety relationships things like that in fact it's part of our being able to renew our licenses to have continuing education but for someone like me is making content I feel like that's all I'm ever doing and to be honest psychology has consumed so much of my life since I went back to get my doctorate that I've had to really neglect things like fiction reading books I still watch a lot but I do have my down time I do watch a lot of streaming you know movies and shows I love film and love storytelling and all I always have but I've been really wanting to understand and people ask me so many times to to explain and dive into complex PTSD and autism for example or those two things alongside borderline and now I'm learning more about even the possibility of that being related to narcissism and you know with narcissism being such a pathologized dynamic in our culture while not excusing intensively hurtful behaviors it's making me wonder if in some cases we're missing more information I'm not saying that you have to accept it or it should be okay but it's even making me rethink people in my life who I thought were just narcissistic it's making me rethink even my mom's own diagnosis which I absolutely do believe is borderline but as I'm doing more reading and I don't have the answer to this yet and this is why I was debating putting this out here but I kind of want I believe that going on this journey together might be really powerful as opposed to me just sitting up here and spitting out everything I've learned at some point in the near future a part of me doesn't want to say anything until I feel like I know it all but I don't know that that is actually realistic given the topic of autism for example especially because even things like which we know that the DSM which is what we use to diagnose is so deeply flawed and even when we look at the criteria around many many and the majority of our diagnoses how they were developed they were developed on very specific populations in fact they were developed often on white males certain levels of affluence certain levels of economic ability right or socioeconomic status I should say and a lot of the research and really everything mental health related has been really not about people of color and women and you know those of us who were outside the box frankly and I think it's a problem and I've been learning more and more about these Dynamics frankly through things like Tick Tock and other books but when it even comes to the criteria for autism if you look at how it might present a lot of really smart people are saying we are missing out here we're missing out on the variations of autism in every population but what I've really found is that understanding trying to understand you know what role could someone having like let's say mild level one autism a low support need so like a person who didn't really need a lot who could pass who could mask through the system what would that look like if they had lifelong chronic anxiety which is extremely common what would it look like if they had complex trauma but also autism how would that show up and especially how might it show up as I'm looking into right now in in those who were born or assigned female at Birth specifically because the research has been on males first and foremost which has affected the diagnoses the the ratio of diagnoses but what would it look like in a of dynamic or population where from the time we're little we're taught to be Pleasers we're taught to rotate around the needs of others we're taught especially in many you know dynamics that fitting in is the most important thing and yet the number of women I know who struggle with friendships and you know just all of these nuances including myself as making it's making me want to understand this more notice is a very long intro but I I'm going to share more and more especially from the book I just read called unmasking autism in future videos if this is something you want to know more about I am finding myself really fascinated by it and I used to think that autism was this whole separate thing that I'd have to be trained in and have a passion for and be specialized in not knowing that maybe there's a possibility that not just people in my world but my patients or those who suffer might also be under the radar in this area and might benefit what I'm not interested in doing is trying to start saying this is autism and this is not outside of you know what we know would be understandable ways what it's helping me do is I'm doing all this reading to be honest with you it is giving me answers to things even if they are just some clinical traits for myself to say oh that's why I've always felt so different for example maybe it's not just my complex trauma from my childhood and my adulthood but maybe it is I don't know why have I had why do I have so many so many significant sensory issues what about all the Social Challenges I've had in terms of my anxiety and how I relate to people or don't what about things that I didn't realize that may have been stimming behaviors in my childhood and in my adult life it's just really fascinating and I don't have all the answers like I'm saying and I don't know where this will end up for me I don't know but I feel like it's really important to share and it's it's making me so excited that I don't want to wait and I also don't want to sit up here you know and say well this is what it is because I've been watching all these videos on YouTube and people are saying even from two years ago well this is autism and this is not and I'm like wait a minute I just read something completely different and another research article this morning you know and so that's where we're at so I know this is such a long intro but I really I really do want to share you with you on this journey it makes me nervous because um I don't I don't like people to say mean things and yet I feel like I had somebody who posted I I will you know who you are who said to me a few weeks ago hey with love Dr Sage have you checked out what used to be called Asperger's and um I you know I told my kids that and we've talked about it and it does tend to run in families and so I just felt like you know I'm rambling now but what what it's giving me is no matter why if I just said okay forget about a diagnosis which I'm not really looking for but if I understood that my brain that I thought everyone is like that but I know that they're not what would that do for me and for example one of the things I've just in the last 48 hours realized is that I have set up my life in a way that is really bad for my nervous system that my living in fight or flight and survival mode and still feeling it literally financially and physically and emotionally like no matter where I'm at you'd think I was going to be you know out on the street tomorrow at times the way I operate and it is not serving me and it is burning me out and as I've shared a little bit here I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease about five years ago but my whole life I was a sickly kid I got ear infections a lot I I've always struggled with like feeling lazy on the one hand you're like hyper productive on the other so then I was like okay is this ADHD you know what could it be and so that's what I wanted to share so I think my son is actually about to pull in the driveway and I may have to pause this video you're supposed to be at work today he's actually working in a research lab which is super exciting oh maybe that's not him oh it's not him okay sorry for that um Okay so number one I found this article and it and there are a lot of research links to this website so I'm going to list it down below I don't want to say I'm holding this up as like this is the thing I just want to share it with you because I could not believe that I hit all five criteria and I've been clicking on the Articles and reading them and like I said I'm going to go into a lot more research information but here's what it says five signs you may be an undiagnosed autistic woman and this is from a website called the other autism and it is written by a woman who claims and states that she was diagnosed I think in her 30s and without autism and classically for most people they've been misdiagnosed as borderline and complex trauma and anxiety disorders and ADHD and we can all have those things as well because what I'm learning is that let's just take cptsd and autism that undiagnosed autism in many regards is inherently traumatizing someone called it traumatism on some I forgot what page I was on so just the idea that you would have let's say your brain not function in a world that doesn't necessarily make sense to you that would require you to mask which is to basically put on a view of yourself that others don't see behind which is why people will say well you know everyone's saying everyone's autistic now it's like well you don't seem autistic well what I'm learning is that if you're actually pretty good at masking you wouldn't think that so I want to say publicly I am not saying that I have autism I am saying that I am in an inquiry and understanding autism in myself and others in neurodivergence because remember even complex trauma is a neurodivergent basic concept uh how do I say that because complex trauma inherently changes the brain and so in that sense it can make us neurodivergent no matter what but this is what it says it says that that so many of us these adult women are hitting burnout and getting diagnosed later in life with what used to be called high functioning apparently people don't like the term high functioning and they prefer terms like high needs or low needs and I'm learning that too and I kind of knew these things but doing this deep dive is really helping me understand it and because the reason why they say that is that I think I'm like nerding out on this so hard but that just because you don't seem like it's because you seem high functioning it doesn't mean that you're suffering is not equal to somebody else who's who appears less functioning it's just a different type of difficulty that makes sense so I know this is like I'm still rambling but I I wanted to start this by really being clear okay number one you were labeled as highly sensitive now many of us have heard the term highly sensitive person developed by Elaine Aaron there's some debate about whether or not the highly sensitive person is actually a one type of a profile of autism and that apparently I don't know that there's a whole lot of research into this HSP Dynamic and apparently down the road I read later the people that Elaine Aaron based some of this information on were later diagnosed as autistic now don't like quote me on that but that's what I've read and the idea is that her Elaine Aaron not talking about this actually is harmful in some ways because it doesn't open a dialogue about what it could look like in a different way and therefore potentially help people so I'm not judging any of that I've always identified with the idea of being highly sensitive so what is that so number one you're highly sensitive or you identify with that profile these are the things just submarine are easily overwhelmed by sensory stimuli Bright Lights rough Fabrics loud sounds are highly affected by the moods of others experience very strong emotions both positive and negative and have a rich emotional life are highly conscientious and detail-oriented have a difficult time coping with change love to learn for the sake of learning require a lot of alone time in order to recharge get sick easily especially when a lot is going on in Life or after travel take a long time to heal or reset after a traumatic or upsetting event dislike small talk but can pretend when necessary and can exhibit startingly intense focus on subjects and tasks that they love special interest so there's a lot if you Google HSP controversy and autism there's a lot of information there but if we just said okay for example do you relate to those things okay a lot of those things also can be under the category of autism like sensory issues being you know dysregulated and not being able to settle is as easily um requiring time alone loving to learn things like that okay that was number one so you identify as an HSP number two you prefer a lot of alone time or with only one person at a time and what she's basically saying is not that you don't like people it's that being around too many people has an overwhelming Dynamic to it both from your from your kind of cognitive self and your sensory self and that people who have let's say autism in general regardless of level do actually like people and can have strong bonds it's just that the way they experience friendships can be different than those who are non-autistic who are neurotypical and so it talks about conversations being overwhelming with too many people I think as I've talked about in so many videos you know I was terrible at and this doesn't mean I'm not saying that I have this diagnosis I'm going to keep saying that but that I don't do small talk well and it gives me a lot of anxiety and it's intolerable for me especially with people that I should like know like I've had mom friends after years I'm like why are we still at the surface like I don't get that and I don't enjoy that number three you work you likely work in or have special interest in art psychology or science so there's a linked article here about autistic females are very imaginative artistic and highly capable in the Arts this can include interest and talent in writing painting drawing sculpture singing acting theater music and so on and then it talks about how autistic brains are also really good at science and analytical thinking and that a lot of us end up in Academia and that there are a lot of common interests in Psychology for many of us so our special interest is psychology and she says here since they grew up feeling different from everyone else they often looked at Psychology for answers often reading self-help books and psychology texts long before their peers so that is definitely true for me watching Oprah all those self-help books in my early 20s and that even though they're they are they have a diverse range of interest of course the people with Autism are over represented in the Arts Sciences technology and psychology by the way I read a whole other article about the increase of autism in Silicon Valley families as people who are engineer Tech brains having babies it's a whole other thing I mean it's just been blowing my mind I mean I knew that but like I did not know that but just looking at research research has been interesting okay so psychology as a special interest number four you have probably been diagnosed with anxiety depression PTSD BPD or similar so she talks about which I think many of you can relate to if we said it is possible to have level one autism and it to be really undetectable because as I keep saying I think we're at the beginning the beginning I can't even find new books on level one female phenotype autism like I just can't really find them I can find articles and things like that and they're I'm sure there are some but I just think we don't understand this yet and that's why I'm so interested in it I know I'm talking fast that's why I'm so interested in it because I really want to share it with you and no one else in my family gives a crap okay so it talks about how that can happen how we can obviously have increased risk for self-winding um you know being misunderstood feeling like we've been misdiagnosed and in those treatments let's say for OCD or ADHD or borderline not working for us right uh some saying us but for those who may be on the Spectrum and then the last one is this is the one I was like what you have a high chance of having allergies autoimmune disorders fibromyalgia and or connective tissue disorders I have all of those okay so it says for many women and girls autism has a long history and there's a great article here connected to it of digestive problems connected tissue disorders like Ellers demos syndrome food environmental allergies and autoimmune disorders IBS fibromyalgia and you know I was thinking also when we know that complex trauma increases our risk for developing we know that childhood trauma increases our risk for things like chronic illness fibromyalgia IBS autoimmune disease diabetes cancer so who knows how all that layers right is it is it and I have just begun to read the full article on the science behind the autoimmune Dynamic but the point is all of this is so fascinating at least to me and I want you to say to you if you're an expert if you are I'm talking fast again because I'm excited and I have a patient soon if you are someone and also I feel like I'm not being like oh let me just give you the perfect answer here um if you're someone who's an expert on autism I'd love to hear what you think but please be gentle in the comments saying you don't have this or you don't have that for example if somebody says to you and they watch let's say my video and they're like I think I have that and you say you don't have that you know you don't have that go first of all go educate yourself to go do a bunch of reading and look at the research flaws and the populations but more importantly than that it is a very vulnerable thing like I can almost cry right now because it's such a sensitive issue for me to be up here saying this but I like I'm here because I want to help people like me and you because so many of you that are here have trauma and all my life I've been like what the is wrong with me I'm so different why am I different I felt like an alien in friendships in relationships around my sensory issues my daughter and I were my last thing I'll say my daughter and I were out and my daughter as you can imagine is similar to me in many ways she was like God like everything bothers you and I I was like kind of horrified but like I know that's true in fact back when the Harry Met Sally movie came out and that was a whole conversation about your high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance like I remember relating to the fact I knew I was high maintenance but I'm not someone that you would I don't think like if you hung out with me it wouldn't you wouldn't necessarily see that uh it's that I feel so disregulated at times like stupid things bother me in ways that they shouldn't I my whole life I've had issues around my sensory triggers like the smell thing can put me into a rage like I have a dog that has God bless her some kind of thing she said her whole life and it's just it's it's so triggering and I can make videos about the neighbors smoking you know whatever um I'm not saying these things mean I am this thing I'm just saying that trying to understand that my brain maybe the way I think isn't everyone else thinks or experiences the world maybe it is but it's giving me a lot of like thought and Power about if I want to live you know the rest of my life in a way that I don't feel like I am hyper Vigilant all of the time so I have to always be doing all the things that I share with you if I don't want to be like that I'm going to have to change some things and I don't have to have necessarily a diagnosis for it but to know that it may not just be my complex trauma what if the way I came out of the womb and it's making me question my mom and many of you have been here for a long time know about that my mom what if parts parts of her because parts are like very harmful and don't seem related to autism at all but what if some of these things that she does I'm so sorry my phone is going oh hold on what if some of the things that she does were like this and the last thing I'll say is I as I think I've shared I don't know who my biological father is we still can't figure it out even with all of the apps and all of the ancestry.com and 23andMe and it seems like I came from an alien and so I don't know the family history so it could be there it could not be this is less about me but I'm going to use myself in my understanding and share with you what I'm learning so that's it um I hope you find this helpful I hope you will just you know if you just want to go along for the ride if you want to do more research I'm going to link a lot of things down below that I'm looking at and reading and I I'm about to go somewhere soon and I'm gonna be gone for a little while and try to post videos while I'm gone but I was thinking about maybe posting like on Tick Tock how I really feel about a lot of the things that when I'm traveling and how I respond to things because I think that it just maybe validates us right as human beings but maybe there's an intolerance and a masking that's been going on just because of the way my brain works and maybe it would be helpful to be more aware of that so that I can create a life and therefore you can learn to create a life if this applies to you too that doesn't feel so constantly like nails on the chalkboard like I feel like that is how my life has felt and I've had a ton of trauma childhood and adulthood I mean literally as much an adult as childhood so maybe this is all just my trauma brain I don't know but I want to share it with you and I'm curious to hear what you think so I'm scared to post this but I'm gonna do it and um I thank you for being here and I will see you soon okay take care bye [Music] thank you

Channel: Dr. Kim Sage, Licensed Psychologist

Views: 274,451

Keywords: cptsd, complex ptsd, asd, autism, autism spectrum disorder, high masking, high masking women, misdiagnoses, women with aspergers, aspergers symptoms, women on the spectrum, cptsd and asd, ptsd and asd, ptsd, asd and adhd, asd and bpd, high masking autism, high masking adhd, dr kim sage

Id: hTD4CbLZ114

Length: 27min 41sec (1661 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 08 2023