Control The Outcome of ANY Negotiation | Brandon Voss

i'm probably looking at this and rolling your eyes right tone of voice the old cliche it's not what you say it's how you say it and i gotta tell you i actually i i really don't like that that cliche right it's not which states how you say it maybe because i am i'm a recovering assertive right my default type is i'm a natural assertive i tend to be very aggressive and very direct and and make counterparts feel like i'm overbearing and so in my use right in my youth i i had a tendency to hear that a lot and maybe that's why i i hate it so much right however there is some truth to it and and i actually like um you know there's a there's a saying that they have in the uk in england i'm probably gonna screw it up but it's something along the lines of basically you can be as rude as you want as long as you're nice about it and that's one thing i got to give to europeans you know that culture i feel like that's one thing that they have on us as far as like when it comes to sarcasm or being very aggressive and i think a lot of it's based on tonal voice they have a way to approach those things without us necessarily feeling like as americans like we need to pull out our sick shooter and take him down and so how do we use this for our own peace of mind well first thing to be aware with tone is it's generally going to be an easy indicator of what kind of negotiator you're dealing with and so we don't have time to get fully into what our three negotiator types are they are listed in the book we also have some free resources on the website uh we have an ebook on our negotiator types we also have a one-page pdf that is in chart format it's really easy to read and digest it's for all intents and purposes it's kind of like a a very short cliffnotes version of what our ebook is why is this important depending on the type of negotiator that's sitting across from you and being able to pinpoint their type is going to inform you on what your communication should look like and so these are our three basic types my natural types and assertive the analyst is described as someone that could be very standoffish sometimes even coming off as cold however they love to prepare they prepare through the years and then the accommodator is someone as a lot of you already know relationship focus that is paramount and so why is this important for us if we can start to recognize the tone of voice that coincides with these particular types it's going to help better inform our strategy and then also it makes us aware of what they want that's actually more important than making a deal to them and the reality is all negotiators have something that's more important to them than actually making a deal and a lot of it is rooted in what their default type is don't get me wrong making a deal is likely a close second but for this person to feel good about making a deal the first part has to be satisfied and so if you've identified their type it gives you some insight into what that is for the assertive what's more important than making a deal is knowing that you understand exactly what they wanted and why even if you couldn't give it to them an assertive can walk away from a table and go you know what they knew exactly what i wanted they knew why i wanted it they knew the implications of what i wanted they just couldn't give it to me that's where the assertive comes from the analyst what's more important to them than actually making a deal is confirming the information that they had before they even came in the room was all accurate i mentioned the analyst likes to prepare through the through the years right they will prepare until their ears bleed and then walk into the negotiation and think oh my god i hope i didn't miss anything which is funny to me but i think it's probably because i'm not naturally an analyst however confirming the research that they did wasn't for nothing is what's more important than making a deal they can walk away and say you know we couldn't make a deal but all the research we did was absolutely accurate we hit all the points we knew what we were doing we didn't we didn't miss anything and now here we are and then for the accommodator as i mentioned very relational they want to have a good relationship more than they want to have a deal with you they can walk away and say we didn't make a deal however going out for drinks later we're friends we're actually our kids are gonna hang out we're gonna have a play date next weekend right they can walk away and say those things and feel good having not made a deal at all and so the tone of voice assertive is gonna be aggressive default analyst is going to be the late night fm dj voice many analysts do the late night fm dj voice naturally it's a telltale sign of who they are and then the accommodator more often than not is going to be that bubbly friendly cordial happy to interact type of person the one thing to be aware of the analysts sometimes are accommodators in disguise and so i won't get into all of those reasons as to why there's plenty of stuff out there i don't want to bore you with it doesn't necessarily relate to the confrontational tools of today but you got to be careful tone isn't always foolproof but it's a great place to start brandon yes there's a question in the chat um how do we deal with assertives when we know we can't give them what they want up front great great question so first of all the number one tool to use on an assertive is going to be a mirror we talk about rapport and info gathering in the last session we will go over mirrors then why is that good assertives have a tendency to talk a lot they have a tendency to brow beat you with their point of view they don't like to be interrupted and it's very counterproductive mirroring helps them connect their thoughts together lets them know you're tracking the whole time and gives the implication or the understanding that you get it without having to do a full summary or with it without having to say the words i get it or i understand or please go on what do you mean by that you can use the mirror so first of all you have to have mirrored them a bunch the other part of this is not every negotiation should be turned into a deal part of any negotiation is essentially a qualification process should i be doing business with you we talk about in the book all of you have seen this no deal is always better than a bad deal no deal allows you to free up your time and attack the next great opportunity that's actually going to help you a bad deal will put you to through three to five sometimes i feel bad for some of these people in the corporate world 10 12 years of heartache and pain i got a i got a client right now trying to break loose from i won't name the company but wanted to get in bed with them because they are who they are they have had a year of heartache and all we talk about in our coaching sessions is how to amicably sever that relationship because they have performance things that got to get done there's demands that need to be met and they can't stand dealing with these mfers anymore and so if you can't give them what they want maybe that's a good thing and so not every deal should be made when dealing with assertive mirror get a that's you hit the nail on the head before you start laying out demands in the form of eye messages or potentially thought shaping questions so caviar you're probably wondering why that's up there it's an acronym that we have that is really centered on mindset i'll give you a quick rundown of what it stands for curiosity accept event identify accusations audit and then remember the two i want to focus on is the i and the r i has to do with identifying your mindset should be as i'm navigating information and managing emotions i need to identify their type i'm going to start with their tone first to help me figure it out and then the r is remember who the adversary is who is the adversary by the way if you could throw that in the chat who is the adversary in the situation that's based on the black swan approach or the doctrine next let me open the chat up here and see what kind of answers we got there you go thank you marcus you're right on it man the adversary is the problem it's never the counterpart never never the counterpart it might feel that way hence people are emotional beings the problem is always the adversary and it's your job as team mates to come together and figure out how to collaborate to solve that adversary to solve that problem flip side of tone as sandy referred to earlier especially in using imessages and no oriented questions alike why is tone so important because people have a tendency to judge what it's like to deal with you based on how you sound that was rather aggressive somewhat unpleasant you would imagine dealing with me might be difficult simply because of my tone and if i were to repeat it as tones important because people are going to judge us simply based on how we sound and make a decision on what it's going to be like to deal with this as a result same words very different tone very different feel to the reception of that we all know first impressions are important not as important as last impressions but they're probably second best people are gonna make up their minds about you simply by how you talk do you sound like someone that's worth doing business with the tone is going to be an indicator of that and so 80 20 rough guideline eighty percent of the time we want to be in the accommodators tone happy smiling friendly easy to collaborate with actually putting a smile on our face helps us control that in the moment if you get angry and you feel your internal temperature starting to rise you're gonna hate doing this a quick way to get out of it is to actually force yourself to smile sounds stupid there's a lot of neuroscience out there that actually proves this and so something to keep in mind very simple tool other twenty percent of the time probably is gonna be the late night fm dj voice

Channel: NegotiationMastery

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Length: 11min 38sec (698 seconds)

Published: Fri May 14 2021