Conan Helps His Staffer Sam Find A Date | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

hello and welcome to a special episode of Conan O'Brien needs a friend this is a little different today is the day after Valentine's Day special day did you have a nice Valentine's Day Sona I did did your husband get you anything nice yeah okay he got me a you're acting very weird cuz I'm almost as if we taped this before Valentine's Day and you're you are completely unable to pretend doesn't he usually get you flowers or something he got me flowers uhhuh then we and your favorite chocolate yeah yeah that's such good chocolate and then we ate at a restaurant and um wow compelling story no one tells it like you what about you Matt will you have a nice Valentine's Day even though we're taping ahead of time but was it a good Valentine's Day yeah we uh ate at the top of the Empire State Building and then watched Taken on a blimp nice okay oh we're making up then no no okay well I went to Paris and I just got back this morning oh really yeah we did you meet did you meet your frch character and what did he sound like yeah he was like welcome to Paris oh my God welcome Happy Valentine's Day to you America can't believe you didn't make it they don't do as an improviser they don't uh do Valentine's Day in in Paris have you ever thought of auditioning for sign out live just doing your French character and and just taping a big fake mustache under your nose yeah I should a fake mustache what does the mustache do it's just your French guy my my French guy doesn't have a mustache he's clean shaven oh then he's not French okay uh listen it is the day after Valentine's Day a very special day for many where they are are either sad about uh their lonely Valentine's Day or quite delighted with the romance of that very special time or happy with their non- relationship Valentine's Day that's the third one I was getting to I didn't mean mean to make it sound like there were only two oh no no that was just me getting to the big and I think the best one which is being being very happy being uh just on your own for the time being or forever whichever you prefer and either one's okay we have limited time anyway I should point out this is a 15-hour segment we have a special guest joining us today someone who uh works on the show The the podcast here at the podcast company uh podcast podcast Empire really if you will awward more of a conglomerate that's like saying standard oil is just an oil company well no it really is an octopus if you will what uh takes Teddy Roosevelt has to break it up but that's not the point the point is Sam is here Hi Sam how are you hi I'm good were you waiting for me to get around to the point of this show podcast I've been here a while yeah see watched you get older as you've been sitting here Sam you're quite young and you've been working here at Conan O'Brien uh needs a friend for how long uh like two and a half years I think yeah yeah you having a good time sure okay going to no but she meant no I know she she wasn't very enthusiastic at all very much behaving like a prisoner of war making a tape but anyway Sam uh what is your job title here I understand you recently got a promotion I did I am now the social media producer oh very nice very good well you do a terrific job thank you I like working with you and with Ruthie very much you guys are cool and you seem to tolerate me your Vibe very much is I will tolerate Conan yeah I feel that okay well anyway pleasure working with you as well Sam uh Sam we had you in here because rumor and you know how people talk in an office rumors that you are freshly single I am and um anything you want to say about that is backstory uh it's are you sad about this breakup was it time no it was time it was time yeah it was it was a short one okay well like I said you're young this is what you're supposed to to be doing just be uh meeting different people hitting it and quitting it hell yeah oh yeah plowing and okay take it easy chowing I don't know that wasn't going anywhere that was awful plowing and chowing that's fantastic Sam yeah you went through this breakup you are newly single I don't know I've been married for a long time so I don't know anything about the dating apps are you on the apps uh no no are you thinking of going on an app yeah yeah are you are are you averse to an app or you're you're ready to do it no no I that is how I historically have dated okay and I most people I most young people I meet today uh use dating apps and many of them quite successfully oh yeah my last two relationships were from the apps yeah is there an app that you favor in particular and this is not a commercial so you can say whatever you want we're not getting paid by anybody you know bumble's a good one I like that hinge is good tinder's bad stay away from Tinder tell me what is it I just want to know as kind of of a a friend an employer and a kind of a pervy Guy what's the problem what's the problem with Tinder it feels very like hit it and quit it kind of plow it and Chow it plow it and Chow it yeah right um it's just a little scary and bagot okay baggot bagot yeah baggot used to mean like let's get out of here you know you shag and then you bag you know no it sounds like you shag it and then you're murdering it and you put it in a bag that's listen if your thing that's what happens you got to if you're going to murder someone you got to clean up after yourself so so so you like Bumble yeah you taking notes here remember if you murder always clean up okay I want to be that PSA if you murder I'll be the Smokey the Bear is to what we hope you don't have to murder but if you do if you do hey keep it clean someone else is going to rent that apart hey that crawl space might be needed by someone else okay so Bumble and I hear a lot of good things about hinge Hing is a good one Hing is great how can we help you I want to help you uh I know that you are indifferent to me but I like you I really like that you work at at the company and you're bringing your creativity and your social media smarts and and and benefiting us so I want to help you yeah what do you think I could do to help I don't know I think you know help me with my prompts and all that okay let's do that we can actually bring this profile up on the screens we've kind of done a little bit do we have that kind of Technology we do okay oh oh look at that you look great are beautiful photos thank you I think this I love that I love those photos Okay so I'm looking at your Bumble date profile and those are really nice pictures thank you uh and I would just like to put in my own comment about Sam which is incredibly cool and you seem like you have a very amazing sense of humor and so I think that's the cone and seal of approval but let's go through the prompts and tell me how I can help I'm surprised you're not telling her to pick up put a picture up of you I know well if you want to get some clicks what would be the best version of you in her photo not just a selfie but how can we be creative where it's like um maybe you're like deep in the background staring down the camera or something like that so it's just an odd like he's a lurker like could take that now we could take one now you know what be would be funny what if Sam is pushing me in a wheelchair and like her hobby is taking care of Conan O'Brien who's much more infirm than you think he is it just raises a lot of question it would get first of all you come across as very caring in this hobby a hobby is there one we could shoot right now what about I'm bringing you a drink like I work for you yeah that'd be great you want to do that mhm uh you're going to help us out here I could be handing this mug yeah the mug yeah sure and then um I'm going to be bringing you a drink like I'm your do I have the headphones on for this absolutely okay I don't want and uh bla you you do this away from my microphone but I think my dulet tone still here we go I love your hands ready to accept oh look at this that's good there we go okay that is me humbly humbly serving you Sam and I look I'm obsequious I'm hoping to that I please the almighty Sam we should choose that as the main photo I think yeah no do that as the main absolutely I think that's what that's what you leave okay so that's going to go on as a photo that's very good and then what's next you young people and I'm including everyone in this room who's not me okay everyone here who uh so Joe you just just just just so you're clear I did purchase over 50 vitamins the other day oh my did you really yeah 50 I'm 50 what do you over 50 Oh I thought you me that's what I thought you me you I thought you just bought a quantity of 50 of the same kind of vitamin I'm like so what I bet in a bottle there's 35 what's the big deal there's I got the 15 Extra Value uh okay so um what's next guys all right so uh interests you want to add some interests yeah here are the different uh categories of Interest we have self-care Sports creativity going out staying in film there's a lot of them can I quickly say something I worry that if there's too much stuff in the selfcare area it's going to send a signal that you know I'm neurotic do you know what I mean like I spend a lot of time taking care of myself and thinking about myself that's why and this is I'm a complete novice this is just me shooting from the hip sure what do you think I do care about myself though you do but but I would say let's just not go crazy on this and check everyone so maybe just sleeping well no you could you could do more there could be more than one you could as many as you want I go to therapy okay well so do I yeah mean clearly if anyone's listening to the podcast they haven't been in a while uh sleeping well in therapy I think those are fine ones what if what if a guy's like God I really want a girl who can have a deep chat because I feel like Sam's deep mhm yeah okay we can do that never mind okay I'm not going to force it no but deep chats this is so preliminary that I would worry that deep chats implies that that's going to be expected on the first date okay hit it and quitted on there no wait I'm guess what I'm seeing sex positivity if I did this I'd be sex negativity I'm very sex negative yeah it's the whole thing just freaks me out what a freak Show okay uh Sports what are your sports uh none okay I don't do any sports all right already you'd be a hit for me yeah oh this one you're going to kill cuz you're very I know you're creative thank you um I you know I like uh art yes you do and crafts M uh making videos that's a big part of my job what kind of videos you I know you make them for us but you do it on your on your free time yeah okay for myself yeah all right but does it ever impinge on what I'm paying you for oh my God maybe maybe I post from here sometime okay well that's something we have to discuss okay so that's an a meeting um photography out oh going let's go to going out yeah uh well everyone goes out right I don't go out very often do you go to bars not really do you go Cafe hopping does that mean what if you go what if you go what if you go to one Cafe and just hop up and down that's the kind of Cafe hopping I do a Miss please if you can move on where's your fake mustache is your call back to son's French impression yes it is it's called a call back so no Cafe hopping no bars clubs no I haven't been to in my life concerts you like music yeah you could put concerts that's fine put concerts down oh wait guys you can only we've reached our limit you've chosen all five what you can only have five interests are you kidding me and do you are you able to enter your own or you have to choose theirs I think you have to choose theirs this is a scam traits pets traveling these are your most wait a minute most so we did this all wrong I didn't realize you can only put in five yeah how do you date you can only say five things about I think there's leave it blank I don't put anything in here oh this is Joe the engineer I think we should have been talking to her all along you sound like you know very cool I trust her yeah Joe is super cool what's the strategy so for putting in nothing so I just do photos all from the same room what why what do you mean it just you know just use the same room like just different parts of the room and then a bio and that's it so like the zero effort adds an error I think just people ask you more questions about why you're in the same room I like what I'm hearing maybe we don't check any of these yeah take them off take them off I trust her Joe why didn't you say anything while we were completely screwing this up you're so chill that you neglected to help us but some people like to put the their interest in there and then you just have to answer a lot of questions about like basketball okay even if you're interest just Cafe HPP yeah Cafe hopping that's weird that's really weird I don't know I love it you love it I love Cafe hopping it describes my life uh in my 20s was Cafe hopping yeah okay we got to move along we don't have much time for this Joe do you think we we have profile prompts and then uh do you want to add a prompt yeah I would add a prompt okay now this says pick a pro profile prompt it's the perfect opportunity to show a little more of your personality I'm hoping you but keep it simple guarantee that nonnegotiable you pick one me yeah pick one out a non-negotiable would be if you're not a Conan fan no that's fine no actually it would be weird if they were a big Conan fan but don't you think wait hold it why because then I would feel like they're trying to date me to get to you I think that's going to happen already now that we've done this no I know no that was always my big thing was I never was sure what what guy's intentions were Tac is always trying to talk to me and write me and hit me up for various Conan memorabilia yeah sometimes he he makes me put a Conan mask on we oh my God I'm kidding I'm kidding I ask to wear one that out see when I took this job my wife left me Liza put on that Conan mask um no uh listen no I we won't mention me at all I mean I'm in the photo a non-negotiable what's that sounds negative okay let's not do nonn another prompt I'm not feeling that non-negotiable favorite let's break dating stereotypes by I I'm a great number one because oh plus one sorry I don't know the lingo we'll get a long if what's your what's your my real life superpower is it has to be clever how about x-ray vision it's like a real superpower she's got one my real life super that's actually my favorite real life superace is I can fly at the speed of light and if I circle the Earth backwards I can go make it go back in time I always heal and have adamantium bones yeah that's a funny one oh that's giant andem mantium spikes come out of my knuckles I am [Laughter] Wolverine andum just say no powers no superpowers okay we're being told by Joe to knock it off take it out take it out the goal here is celibacy forever isn't it is just isn't the goal here to live and die alone that's what I thought we were doing the Only Hits you're going to get are me and yeah that's what you want to say no that's what I have on mine yeah but Joe come on I'm serious how's it working for you it literally worked I have a boyfriend oh my God you didn't tell me you had a boyfriend everyone's supposed to report this to me why would tell you new that's creepy rule number nine in the con and code oh what you're you're in a bathtub in an empty bathtub the description says don't hate me if I and your answer is just don't Joe can I see I I don't think that's going to work for me for Joe though yeah but notice how all the photos are in the bathroom when you said a room you meant the bathroom but Joe you have a very specific thing going on and I'm worried that it's not Sam's thing you know oh my God yeah that's true I'm not as cool as Joe well no you're cool in a different way you're just cool in a different way oh my God God uh your POS these look like American Apparel ads yeah they really do you're wearing a lot of people are like why are these in the bathroom then you can talk I live in a bathroom want to date me yeah did you ever mention that if you kill someone in the tub the cleanup is very easy oh yeah all right let's just move on uh okay Sam you got to help us out here what are you seeing here that what makes me feel grounded I'm a real nerd about uh yoga I I I'm a yoga teacher that's cool I like that that is good but but are you cool attracting yoga dudes is that a breed okay I would like to go to yoga with my partner okay okay or or whoever you like yeah I'll take anything okay okay uh yoga a real nerd about yoga oh that's this is good yoga you know what I don't like the exclamation point I know I know blade I know that you love exclamation points I'm sorry I'm trying why do you always put exclamation points every text from blle is like sorry your dad died exclamation point I will say I will say I emailed you about something and there was an exclamation point you said hey I'm getting you some I'm allowing this exclamation point because it's your birthday and then you send me a follow-up email like two hours later here here's your birthday present it was just a bunch of exclamation I put a lot of thought into my put Downs uh okay I like that I'm really Le about yoga yes this is good I don't think you need to put all that oh do so I'm gonna put I'm just a real nerd about yoga period you tell me this is your dating I like the teacher part okay thank you I like that's cool yoga I'm a yoga teacher you put an emoji instead of a period oh no okay well I also Sam style yeah we got to keep it Sam okay so here we go okay here we go okay so now the next section is my opening move starts your start your chats with an opening move okay so I don't know this says you're in control set your move once and we'll take it from there we'll add it to your profile and send it to all new chats is that what you want auto reply yeah that's crazy I think this is a nightmare I think you people live in a Hell skape let's get to apocalyptic hellc let's get to the meat of this which is your bio we want to write a fun and Punchy bio this is what people are going to see they're going to see your photo and they're going to see your bio so this is important oh boy okay well it's cool you work at a very cool place it's okay to mention that start with that all right work at a really cool place yeah should I just brag in the whole bio no I don't I think that's but Joe you I shouldn't mention we shouldn't mention about her working with uh I wouldn't put stuff about work yeah okay so it's safe to say there's nothing about Conan in your bio yeah okay you don't have your job on your profile I have my job yeah feel like you need to disclose that you work here sort of like you knew I was working you know you knew the next thing you knew I had been in prison oh the next thing work okay so what's your bio what do you want them to know about you God I don't know no I I feel like I'm a very chill and like you are the chillest person I've ever met really yeah I feel like that's important because I can't have someone with like really intense energy and I'm why are you working with me then it's hard when I I mean I come into a room and I'm I come into a room and there's heat coming off of me and I'm babbling like a chimp on crack and I always see you in the corner and you're always shaking your head slowly like no grasshopper no so uh that's good she you should say that she's yeah you could be like don't be like Conan just yeah oh don't wait don't mention Conan but if you do mention Conan it's don't be like Conan yeah that's great so yeah but like I work for Conan I'm looking for someone who's not like Conan yeah okay we can do that and I'm looking for someone who's not like Conan um then how about parenthesis keep in mind Conan is very kind generous and sensitive oh God but his energy sometimes uh is a little tightly coiled I think you got to you know put something in there so people don't think I'm a monster we can't have anyone saying I'm a you're a very kind person yeah he's very kind and generous and then can you put in Brackets he made me right yes thank you that's what I was looking for that's not something a normal person says so it's important for people to know you did this Conan made me write that last part yeah say that Conan made me write that last part mhm he's crazy please help me I never wanted to do this I I'm in a relationship it's it's it's right w r i t e what' you say to me oh that's embarrassing sorry sorry oh uh made me write that last part I just think it's a it's it's good if it just keeps going with with Conan just making you do this he's here with me now yeah call the police he's here with me now he may come on our first date on our first of pressure on our first date just come in our first date gross this is a nightmare if he what happens this is a nightmare profile that's good did you say I'm DTF no I said if he does he's DTF for me like in my stad okay okay okay how's this how's this uhhuh how's this okay uh your bio I'm very chill I work for Conan and I'm looking for someone who's not like Conan parenthesis he's a very kind and generous person un parenthesis arrow pointing to that Conan made me write that last part he's here with me now he may come on our first date um I think there needs to be a little bit more Conan no he's very kind okay uh work uh see above out a j here we go yeah yes uh when you when we say just Conan do you think people will know that's you oh like she works for Conan gray I don't think so okay that would be great that would be pretty cool he's really cool he's pretty chill okay so so uh do you want to put in what you're looking for sure yeah okay cool you're looking for oh wait this no that's about me oh wait no this is stuff about you I don't 53 okay no uh this says looking for a relationship something casual don't know yet marriage or skip who puts down marriage I'll put marriage Oh serious I'm serious are you are you ready to get married yeah are you serious maybe this will happen I'm 31 I was about to be 31 what's your height five feet five feet I like it just five Perfect all right do you want to answer the rest of these questions yeah do it all right do you work out yeah yog instruct she is she's yoga instruct zodiac sign do you think this is important oh yeah yeah you got big time yeah um I'm a p pces I was going to guess Pisces oh okay were you yeah M you seem like a Pisces thank you that's a compliment yeah I have an undergraduate yeah all right that's good good do you drink rarely okayo do you smoke do you smoke is that a cigarette I know yeah what cannabis is its own can okay so no MM how do use cannabus yes well frequently frequently feels dramatic they don't have like a yes oh my God ideal plans for children yeah what do you want you want kids yeah that's nice great we to say this this first date convo well I don't know Jo I mean what about this did you get into this with people yeah I think if it's it's better to just say that especially if you don't want kids oh I do yeah it's good it's good if people find you don't want to be telling someone 3 years in that you never want children if they really want kids right yeah it's got to come up all right so I think we're done I think we got it here let's should we recap there's the main photo there I am serving you your oh no it's cut off C no wa I got to perfect though cuz they got to know they got know it's there yeah oh that's true yeah they could right they could see I'm cut off I love it that's so funny oh and then just for work it says see above oh my God I work for a fraction of a man I'm very chill I work for Conan and I'm looking for someone who's not like Conan he's a very kind and generous person Conan made me write that part he's here with me now he may come on our first date and then your Basics 5T active you're a Pisces undergraduate degree drink rarely smoke never you're a woman you're socially can about can oh yeah soci can and then you want marriage and here's some other great photos I'm a real nerd about yoga I'm a yoga teacher right yoga great all right there we go um maybe what we can do is if you have any hits we can do a second followup for this you know mhm I will say I think it's good that it cuts your face off cuz it makes you want to tap into it like I just did you know you're like o who is that that looks like Conan yeah it doesn't look enough like me there it is there it is yeah there you go yeah all right I can reenter it so it's more in this you cut out Sam so that Conan's in the picture yeah and then and suddenly I'm filling out the questions 64 200 lb uh wow this is I think you're going to I think you're going to get some interesting responses yeah we'll see I will say seriously and I'm going to say it again Sam's uh wonderful and uh you have a you have a very cool Aura thank as to you Joe by the way I have to say though and and Sona we have won't you say the women that work here are very cool oh yeah yeah just go through the whole you know Tanisha and EB and Ruth we've got a squad here that is very impressive a lot of very strong very you know opinionated and everyone quite happy to give me yes all the time yes I think you do that on purpose I think you are drawn to to women who because I think who loathe me who lo you yeah well I think we're g to get some and then uh you should come back and we'll you know we'll see what happens okay we'll see what happens but I'm excited thank you because I know nothing about dating apps and I think this was the worst thing you could possibly do so I'm curious to see what what do you wait what do you mean dating app is the oh coming here forting coming to yeah coming here for advice this terrible a terrible decision you should have gone right to Joe because uh and so you should probably talk privately to Joe and you guys will straight a lot of things out yeah okay I'm scar um all right Sam best of luck to you and I look forward to the recap I look forward to meeting your future partner I know my husband or wife or wife whatever it doesn't matter man it's all good

Channel: Team Coco

Views: 290,744

Keywords: team coco podcasts, team coco podcast, podcast, conan obrien needs a friend, conan needs a friend, conan o’brien needs a friend, needs a friend, conan o’brien podcast, conan o’brien needs a friend podcast, celebrity interview, comedy podcast, conan podcast, matt gourley, sona movsesian

Id: fnqM9N_uFnE

Length: 27min 58sec (1678 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 15 2024