- A few months ago, Will
Smith ran up on stage and slapped Chris Rock across the face for a comment he made. He immediately apologized
during his acceptance speech for an award later that night. A lot of people feel, and I agree, that that really wasn't
a good apology at all. Not unusual, because it came right away. The next day or so, he apologized on social
media for a second time. That one was a little better, but still had some missing pieces, and now, several months later, three months later, I believe, he's finally apologizing a third time. Now, keep in mind, sometimes
it takes a couple of attempts to get an apology right, so he's not unusual in that way. We're gonna take a look at his apology and see if it checks all the right boxes, and also judge the extent to
which we feel he is sincere. So a good apology does
at least four things. First of all, the person
apologizing names the mistake and takes full responsibility. Second, they apologize directly. They say the word "I
apologize" or "I'm sorry," and they express remorse for
the harm they have caused. Third, they explain what
they'll do to make it better, the corrective action that they can take to try to repair the
harm that's been done. And the fourth step is they
follow through on that apology. That's really how you know
whether it's sincere or not. So keeping those tips in mind, those talking points in mind, let's take a look at Will Smith's apology. (people conversing indistinctly) (Will exhaling loudly) - Why didn't you apologize to Chris in your acceptance speech? I was fogged out by that point. It's all fuzzy. I've reached out to Chris, and the message that came back is that he's not ready to talk, and when he is, he will reach out. So, I will say to you, Chris, I apologize to you. My behavior was unacceptable and I'm here whenever
you're ready to talk. I wanna apologize to Chris's mother. I saw an interview that
Chris's mother did. And, that was one of the
things about that moment I just didn't realized. I wasn't thinking about
how many people got hurt in that moment. So I wanna apologize to Chris's mother. I wanna apologize to Chris's family, specifically Tony Rock. We had a great relationship, you know? Tony Rock was my man, and this is probably irreparable. I spent the last three months replaying and understanding the nuances and the complexities of what
happened in that moment. And I'm not gonna try to
unpack all of that right now, but I can say to all of you, there is no part of me that thinks that was the right way
to behave in that moment. There's no part of me that
thinks that's the optimal way to handle a feeling of
disrespect or insults. - So, so far, we are off to
a pretty good start here. If you're asking me, I'm
the one reacting to this, does he seem authentic? I think he does. He does not seem like, for example, he's just reading off a
teleprompter some prepared statement that his public relations
people have created for him. He's looking around, he's
still searching for thoughts. He's speaking conversationally. It seems to me that he is
speaking from the heart. He's also checking a lot of boxes that we mentioned at the
beginning of the video about what a good apology
looks and sounds like. He's accepting full
responsibility for what he did. He's not pointing the finger at anybody. He's saying this was horrible. He's really has seemed to come to terms, for the most part, with what he has done, and the impact of that. He specifically said the
words, "I apologize." Not everybody does that. Some people swerve around it, but he did, he apologized to Chris, to Chris's mom and family,
to Chris's brother, who, it sounds like, Will
Smith is friends with. So he really is now saying, "I apologize," and it sounds relatively heartfelt to me. I think we're off to a
pretty good start here. And it looks like, as you can tell, I've watched this already once or twice, but he's going to apologize
by using these questions that people have been asking, and he's using those questions to structure this conversation. So let's go on and look
at the next question. - After Jada rolled her eyes, did she tell you to do something? No. I made a choice on my own, from my own experiences, from my history with Chris. Jada had nothing to do with it. I'm sorry, babe. I'm so sorry to my kids and my family for the heat
that I brought on all of us. To all my fellow nominees,
this is a community. I won because you voted for me, and it really breaks
my heart to have stolen and tarnished your moment. I can still see
Questlove's eyes, you know? It happened on Questlove's award. "I'm sorry," really isn't sufficient. - So, here again, Smith's
apology has a lot of qualities that we usually say a
good apology should have. For example, he has a
chance to pass the book. A lot of people are asking this question, "I wonder if Jade made him do
it or said something to him?" And he's saying, "No, this was my choice." One of the key parts of a good apology is accepting full responsibility and not passing the book, as we mentioned, saying, "I apologize. And here, he's also
expressing a lot of remorse. He's saying, "I really screwed this up," and it screwed it up for a lot of people. He's apologizing to his family. He's apologizing to the
other nominees that night, the guy, Questlove, I think
it was, who won the award that Chris Rock was supposed to be giving. He's realizing the full impact of this. He's done a lot of thinking about this. This is not someone that sounds
like they're still in denial or someone who's trying to
sugarcoat or smooth over, make it look like he didn't
do something that bad. We call that minimization. He's not minimizing. He's really saying, "Look
at all the ways, in fact, that I screwed this up and
all the people it impacted." So, this seems pretty authentic to me, again, on this question. He's still searching for words,
thinking out loud almost, and really feeling the
full weight of his mistake. So we're doing pretty well here. Let's take a look at the third question. - What would you say to the people who looked up to you before the slap or people who expressed
that you let them down? So there's two things. One, disappointing people
is my central trauma. I hate when I let people down. So it hurts. It hurts me psychologically
and emotionally to know I didn't live up to people's image and impression of me. And the work I'm trying to do is I am deeply remorseful and I'm trying to be remorseful without being ashamed
of myself, all right? I'm human and I made a mistake, and I'm trying not to think
of myself as a piece of shit. So, I would say to those people, I know it was confusing,
I know it was shocking, but I promise you I am deeply devoted and committed to putting light, and love, and joy into the world. And, if you hang on, I promise we'll be able
to be friends again. - I really like that he
answered this question worded this way. Now this is the first time
in any of his apologies where he has mentioned the word "slap." The first apology during
the Academy Awards, he didn't mention it. And in his social media posts, he just used the phrase "my behavior." This time, through this question, he acknowledges that
he slapped Chris Rock. It's really hard for people
to name the actual mistake in their apology, but he did. But more than that, he used
this question about the loss that his fans and the public felt in him. That they might have looked
up to him as a role model, and he really let them down. And he did, he let them
down with what he did there. And, essentially, he
said, "Yeah, I screwed up, and I think it's one of the
worst things that I could do to disappoint people and let people down, and it feels awful." Now, I really appreciate the
fact that he added a detail that he said he's trying not
to let this make him feel like his identity is a piece of crap, because that tells me that's something that
he is struggling with. In other words, this
is three months later. He's probably been feeling pretty awful about himself all along, and everybody, you, me, Will Smith, everybody has to get to the place where they pick themselves up, no matter what harm they've caused, try to do the right thing, apologize, and not let it keep you down, not let it beat you down into the ground and sideline you for the rest
of your life, for example. And he's saying his vow, his promise to the public, to his fans, is that he is going to, basically, sounds like he
wants to earn our trust back. He's gonna do the best he can. And he wants to quote, "Be friends again." I think that was a really
nice way to word it. So I think this was a great
apology through and through. Was it perfect? No. Was it flawless in every word choice and every way he might have said things? No, we could pick it apart, but I give him credit for
coming out one more time and trying to get this apology right, and put his best foot forward, and move forward with his
life, with his career. So, well done, Will Smith on this. Now we'll see the public,
you, I, we all have a choice if we're going to forgive him,
so to speak, in our hearts, to put this in the past as well, and to try to look at him without thinking or dwelling too much on his mistake. So we'll see. Of course, I would love
to hear your comments in that section of the video below. Looking forward to that, and suggest who else I should react to. I always appreciate your suggestions. I can't get to all of them, but I certainly take them seriously. So, thanks, God bless, and
I will see you all soon.
