Cognitive Distortions: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Techniques 18/30

[Music] you know what's funny about our mind  it lies to us all the time our mind loves to   convince us that circumstances are the cause of  our emotions so for example you may think i'm sad   because i didn't get the job but here's the thing  it's not the outside circumstances that make us   sad or anxious it's how we interpret them it's  how we think about them if i don't get the job i   might actually be feeling sad because i'm thinking  oh i'm such a failure instead of thinking i don't   have the qualifications or i might be sad because  i'm thinking this career will never work out   instead of thinking i need to change  my approach in the next interview   or you might be sad because you're thinking  nothing good ever happens to me instead of   i'll try again soon when we get stuck in thought  patterns that are distorted or untrue or unhelpful   this can contribute to depression anxiety and  other mental illness and distorted thinking   makes us less successful in both our professional  and our personal lives in this two-part skill   first you're going to learn about 10 common  cognitive distortions these are ways that you   think that make you feel anxious or depressed then  in part two you're going to learn what you can do   about these cognitive distortions by changing how  you think so you can change how you feel [Music]   do you feel like you're never good enough  or do you put other people's needs before   your own to the point of getting burned out do  you change the way you act or talk or look to   please others but at the expense of your own  happiness if this sounds like you you may be   a perfectionist or people-pleaser perfectionism  and people-pleasing can fuel a host of issues   like depression anxiety eating disorders body  image issues low self-esteem and relationship   issues but you can learn practical skills to  change how you think and break these habits   in the online course overcoming perfectionism  and people pleasing i've teamed up with dr   carly lebaron who has 13 years of experience  helping clients who struggle with these issues   in her course there are five hours of instruction  on overcoming perfectionism and people pleasing   she'll teach you how to let go of  being everything for everyone else   and how to be more real and happy you can  really get back to your authentic self so   go ahead and start learning today check out  the link in the description to learn more   cognitive distortions are ways that our mind  convinces us of something that isn't actually true   but it feels true your thoughts twist  reality and you start to feel like you're   bad or broken or deficient or you begin to see  the world as dangerous or threatening or cruel   but here's the thing with cognitive distortions  you don't realize you're doing it you think that   the way you see things is reality it feels true  when you think or when you talk through the lens   of a cognitive distortion you sound rational and  accurate to yourself and it's habitual you've been   thinking this way for so long that it just feels  normal and natural to think this way so is there   anything you can do about this you can change  how you feel by changing how you think but the   first step is to learn what cognitive distortions  are and to notice that you're using them when you   can identify cognitive distortions you can also  gain power over them so understanding cognitive   distortions is the foundation of cognitive  behavioral therapy this is one of the most common   and very effective treatments for depression  anxiety and other mental illnesses now during this   episode i'm going to use the fictional character  of james to explain how cognitive distortions work   james is based on a couple of real clients but  all mish-mashed together so for this example   he's a manager at a restaurant but he would  really rather be a pilot he's in his mid-20s   he's single he wishes he was married he grew up in  an abusive home and his father and his stepfather   are in prison so now he's on his own and he's  trying to figure out how to live a good life   okay so using that example let's talk about the  first cognitive distortion number one is all or   nothing thinking all or nothing thinking is when  you think if i can't do it all perfectly or if   i can't fix it all at once i might as well not  even bother you think that you're either perfect   or you're a failure and this is common especially  with performance so you may say something like   i'm failing math when you're getting a c or you  think that if you can't do it perfectly why try   right it looks like if i ate one cookie  then i've already failed at my diet so   i might as well eat the entire box with james  for example he knows that he should save money   but he's in so much debt that it seems pointless  to try to get out he would say things like oh i'm   in too deep so i might as well buy this  fancy watch or the next big video game   thinking this way usually makes you feel  hopeless depressed and justified in giving up   okay number two over generalizing if you  over generalize you take one bad thing and   you assume that everything will be awful after  that so for example you may think things like   i'm never gonna get a good job or people will  always take advantage of me or i'm gonna mess up   every relationship or you may say i have the  worst luck in the entire world now with james   he got rejected by a girl he went out with once  and he says why does this always happen to me   there aren't any girls who could love me i'm  always going to be alone over generalizing uses   words like always and never and it exaggerates  one bad situation and makes it feel worse   all right number three black and white thinking  so are you thinking in extremes do you only see   the negative in a situation or in yourself with  black and white thinking you may say something   like i'm a complete failure or my parents are  such idiots or you never listen to me or i'm   the only one around here whoever gets things done  right you can catch yourself doing this when you   use extreme wording like always never completely  terrible etc if you're using words like that you   are speaking in black and white now james works  at a fast food restaurant right james thinks my   boss is the biggest jerk ever she is so mean to  me she doesn't even know how to make the food   i hate her and i hate my job it's the worst job  ever in the whole country and this makes him feel   angry mistreated discouraged and victimized  okay number four is mind reading mind reading is   assuming that people don't like you or  assuming that you know how they feel about you   you might say things like nobody likes me  everyone is judging me my boss must think   i'm incompetent in session james would sometimes  say to me you must think i'm a terrible person   mind reading makes you feel insecure anxious  fearful and sometimes angry vindictive or upset   but it's not really based on reason okay number  five is catastrophizing catastrophizing is all   about assuming that your fears and your worries  must be true you believe the worst case scenario   in your head is the most likely outcome it's what  if thinking it's imagining catastrophes it sounds   like like this is never going to work i'm going to  fail and make a complete fool of myself it sounds   like oh she's late it's raining she must have  crashed her car and she's upside down in a ditch   and with catastrophizing you assume that your  prediction is fact james would say things like   i'm never going to be successful i'm going to be  stuck working fast food for the rest of my life   now just to be clear these are his words not mine  there is nothing wrong with honest labor i worked   four years in a fast food company i worked in a  treadmill factory i've worked manual labor for   a good 10 years there's nothing wrong with it  and also remember james he's in his early 20s   and in a matter of a couple of years he could  get a new job training a new career and he could   change his entire future but catastrophizing  made him feel like everything was hopeless   catastrophizing makes you feel fearful anxious  hopeless and it prevents real helpful action okay   number six is emotional reasoning it's thinking  that your feelings accurately reflect reality   so for example if you're feeling stressed out  about school you might think the teacher must   be giving us too much homework or if you feel  hurt you think the other person must be a jerk   when you're on your period you think oh i feel  terrible so i must be a terrible person or here's   a really common one if you feel anxious in social  situations you might think i must be an awkward   person there's a difference between feeling  anxious and actually acting awkward another thing   people might say is like i must be stupid i am  stupid when they just feel stupid they feel dumb   right james felt discouraged and worried about  his future ability to succeed he felt hopeless so   he decided to believe that it was hopeless that he  would never be able to do much emotional reasoning   basically takes any emotion and it makes it bigger  okay number seven is labeling labeling is taking a   behavior and turning it into an identity this  is putting a name or label on something so   instead of thinking you know he made a mistake you  might label your neighbor as a complete idiot or   you might think that because you've made mistakes  that i'm a complete loser i'm broken i'm a failure   or you might label others right he's a complete  jerk she's a monster etc or if a kid makes a bad   choice you might say oh they're a bad kid etc when  james wasn't able to find a new job right away   he started to say things like this he'd say oh  i'm such a loser i'll never be successful remember   james was in his mid-20s he had his entire life  to learn the skills he needed to be successful   but he's already labeled himself as broken and  as a failure labeling is all about creating   hopelessness if something is our identity then  there's nothing we can do about it we're stuck   right but the truth is we aren't what we  feel or do we all have an immense capacity to   learn and to grow and to change and to improve and  this is why cognitive distortions are so harmful   they create a reality where change isn't possible  they make you feel trapped and hopeless when the   reality is that with the right help or with the  right skills or support or effort you can change   your life you can live a good life okay number  eight is mental filtering mental filtering is   only seeing one side of a situation usually the  negative you tend to filter out the positive   so for example you ignore the good things your  boss does and you feel constantly annoyed at him   or you minimize all the good things that you  do and you only dwell on your mistakes so you   can see this um a lot with how women often take  compliments right often they immediately downplay   it by saying oh you're so kind but if someone  gives them criticism they take it to heart and   they dwell on it and they worry about it for days  james would often dwell on his failures especially   with women and he would remember his mistakes over  and over especially with one girl who he really   liked and he would just keep thinking about what  he did wrong and this led him to feeling like he   was a really bad person when in actuality he was  quite kind and he tried to make the people around   him happy and that was just one relationship that  didn't work out mental filtering can make you   feel like a bad person or it can make you more  depressed or see the world more negatively on   the other hand with some people mental filtering  leads to defensiveness right highlighting their   own virtues and putting other people down either  way mental filtering distorts reality and harms us   okay number nine is personalization it's thinking  that everything others do is about you so you   think that if anything bad happens it's your  fault or if someone's upset it's because of   you right you blame yourself for circumstances  that are beyond your control um this is taking   things personally right you you incorrectly might  assume that you've been intentionally excluded or   targeted so for example mom might think oh if my  son misbehaves it must be because i'm a bad mother   or when you take things personally you think  oh if my if my boss yells at me it must be   because i'm messing up or if the cashier is  rude to me they must not be respecting me   when in reality your boss might be yelling  because they have poor management skills or maybe   the cashier's dog died that day right we don't  really know why people are acting the way they do   but it's false to assume that everything they do  is about us this is a true story about one of my   clients who i based this mishmash to james off  of so one of my clients said this when he worked   at the register taking orders when people came  in and said i need three cheeseburgers three   fries three drinks you know anytime they started  off with the words i need he felt like they were   being rude he would think in his head you don't  need cheeseburgers you want cheeseburgers and so   this made him mad every time they did it which  was like of course dozens of times a day right   or if a customer came in and treated him badly  he would take it personally he would think you   know what did i ever do to you sometimes it made  him mad sometimes it made him discouraged but   he had a hard time seeing that sometimes you know  customers are usually just dealing with their own   stuff their own stress and it wasn't about him  taking things personally makes you feel guilty   overwhelmed out of control burdened helpless and  it can lead to depression and anxiety number 10   unreal ideal this is the plague of social  media we look at others and we compare   ourselves unfairly so comparisons to others will  always let you down the unreal ideal sounds like   susan seems to handle this job just fine  how come i'm struggling or bob seems to   have it all put together he's got a perfect  job perfect wife you know i'm such a loser   james would compare himself to all his old high  school friends especially the ones that he saw   on social media he would tell me things like they  were all married he would say they all graduated   college they all served missions for their church  they all had great jobs in his distorted thinking   their lives were perfect and his life was the  only mess comparing ourselves to others usually   leaves us feeling like we're never good enough  like we're an imposter we may feel shame or   discouragement we may feel broken or like we  have to constantly compete to be good enough   so there you go those are 10 common cognitive  distortions did you recognize any of them in   your own life in the next section we're going to  learn how to challenge cognitive distortions but   the first step is learning to notice when you do  it when you learn to notice how you think then you   can change it and it can be really hard to notice  your own cognitive distortions so i encourage you   to get another's perspective use the chart in  my course to ask a close friend family member   or therapist to tell you which of these cognitive  distortions you commonly use when you feel upset   check yourself for distortions catch yourself  when you say words like always or never or when   you're making assumptions identify it and say to  yourself that's black and white thinking or that's   mind reading in the next episode we're going to  work on the next steps which are you know explore   challenge the thought and then choose which  thoughts going to be most helpful for you when it   comes to challenging distorted thinking basically  it comes down to this don't believe everything you   think challenge your thoughts look for exceptions  or evidence to the contrary now this is going to   require you to be a little vulnerable but it will  also open you up to joy when you learn to change   the way you think you can change how you feel you  can fight depression and anxiety and you can live   a happier life this video is one skill from my  30 skill course how to process your emotions   where i teach 30 of the most essential skills for  resolving depression anxiety and improving mental   health emotion processing is an essential skill  for working through intense emotions but most   people have never been taught how to do it i'm  putting every single main video lesson on youtube   for the world to access for free you watching  these videos sharing them contributing to my   patreon and my sponsors make this possible if  you would like to access the entire course in   one place ad free with its workbook exercises  downloads extra videos live q as additional   short readings and links to extended resources the  link to buy the course is in the description below you

Channel: Therapy in a Nutshell

Views: 430,030

Keywords: therapy in a nutshell, cognitive distortions, cbt, cognitive behavioral therapy, change how you think, cognitive behavior therapy, thinking errors, mental health, cbt therapy, cbt for anxiety, cognitive behavioural therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, psychotherapy techniques, what is cognitive behavioral therapy, cbt for depression

Id: aAVGyRMS3gE

Length: 17min 23sec (1043 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 17 2021