(holiday jingle)
- [Steve] Here's a mistake that I made, it's before I got married. It's Christmas, like pre-college. And I had two girlfriends
that I was seeing. I didn't have the knowledge for this. I didn't have the experience for this. Only thing that saved me, in this relationship that
I was trying to pull off, trying to be the player that I wasn't, was there was no technology. There was no cell phones, Instagram. I got these two
girlfriends I kind of like. I'm a poor kid, so I
don't really have money for two girlfriends, so
this is like a dumb idea. So I'm in a store called
May Company in Cleveland. You know how they have like, tables set up in the middle of the aisle in the department store, 'cause Christmas they put everything out. So they had all these turquoise necklaces. They were all the same,
buy one, get one free. The chain was like six dollars. So I said, hey, problem solved. Hey, I like 'em the same, why would I not get them the same thing? Great idea, right? That's what I said. Oh, that's the real stupid player in me. So I get 'em to the house. I can't get my sister involved in this, 'cause she's gonna hate
me, so I can't ask her. So I decided to wrap the gifts. But on the gifts, I put a little note. And I put her name in
the box with the note. Well, I wrote the same
note to the other girl, with her name on it,
and I put it in the box. But, I ain't paying close attention, so on Christmas Eve, I'm
going to both of them, house, to deliver these gifts. So I drop it off, at
her house, I tell her, "Hey, I got to go, I got to make a run, "I'll be right back,
surprise yourself, yeah." So while I drop it off,
I take the other box to the other girl's house,
I deliver to her house, I'm gonna stand there and
wait on her, to open her box. Well, what I had not realized was, I had dropped off the wrong box. One of the girl's name was Brenda. And the other girl's name was Brittany. Both of the started with B, R. So I'm standing there watching
this girl open this gift, and she goes, "Oh my God, oh my God, "it's so beautiful, who is Brittany?" And I'm trying to figure out, how does she knows this other girl's name? Well, you know how she knew it? Hey, dumb ass, you wrote
it, and handed her the box. So I said, "Oh man, my brother put "his girlfriend's name in my box." She said, "I don't believe you." I got in my car, I drove to the house. The phone is just ringing. I'm living with my momma. "Steve, this girl done called
the house how many times?" I get on the phone, it's
Brittany, she got Brenda's box. She go, "Who is Brenda?" I ain't got time for this, click. I hung up the phone. I go get my big brother, who
had an answer for everything. I said, "Man, I messed
up, this is what I did, "I put the wrong name in these boxes." He said, "That ain't nothing man, "this is what you do, listen, listen. "The best defense is a good offense. "You got to get on offense, player." I said, "What, tell me what to do." "Call both of them and tell them "you ain't got time for this nonsense." I called both of them up that night. I said, "Hey, listen, y'all
have ruined my Christmas. "I tried to do something nice, "and here y'all tripping like this. "Don't call me no more", click. "Don't call me no more", click. I got two girls like that. I said,"Bro, I did it." He said, "Now this gonna buy you 24 hours. "They gonna come for you,
have a nice Christmas." I said, "But Bro, what am I
gonna do when they come for me?" He said, "Hell, I don't know, " 'cause I don't know how they coming. "They gonna try to kill you though." (chuckles) Oh they hated me. Boy, they ate my ass alive. They ate my ass alive, man.
