(upbeat music) - [Steve] Yeah it got better but then one of my
daughters needed something, or wanted to, why's she
calling me with this (bleep). My daughter-in-law wanted
to drop my grandson off for me to watch him for 30
minutes while she did something. I don't want to watch (bleep) kids. I don't give a (bleep)
if it is my grandson, I ain't the (bleep) babysitter. You can't leave a child with me, this (bleep) is five months old. I just held him for the
first time two weeks ago. First time. Cause I don't like little kids that ain't got (bleep)
control of their head. (audience applause) I had my grandson, I was
talking to him the first, and his head was so far
back I thought it came off. Scared the (bleep) out of me then I slapped him forward. I'm not a good person to watch the kids. My other grandson,
little Noah, he's three. He loves swimming right, can't swim, but. Bought him one of those little
rings that you sit him in and it's a floaty. And they went shopping, and
they left me home with him. It's my off day, it's Wednesday. I got a cigar out at the pool and a glass of scotch. That's not how you watch a kid. Scotch and cigars is not baby material. So I put him in the
water, he's enjoying it, so he paddle his little
(bleep) over to the edge. So (bleep) that, I kick him back out in the middle of the pool. Here this little (bleep) come again, so I just. That (bleep) was pretty determined though. Come again, dang. And I could tell he was tired but he don't never cry
so he was exhausted. So this (bleep) I said one more time oughta do it. Pushed his little (bleep) back out. He got in the middle of the
pool and just went to sleep. They came home and said why
is he sleeping in the pool? I said (bleep) I don't know, he tired. Pick him out the water,
he's a little prune. That (bleep) skin had shriveled up so bad. My (bleep) wife was so (bleep) mad at me. What the (bleep) did you
let the baby in the water that long for? That (bleep) was asleep and I didn't wanna wake him up. I do (bleep) like that so they
don't leave the kids with me. (audience applause) (upbeat music)
