Cheech and Chong's Hilarious Stand-up on Gotham Comedy Live

[Applause] what are you doing man oh man I'm trying to write a song about Santa Claus man yeah I played with those dudes man what Santa Claus yeah the Soul's a band no from Venezuela what 15 guys horns you know no man Santa Claus is not a group man they broke up yeah you can't make money with 15 dudes all right good music though man [ __ ] I love sauce Santa Claus is not a group man Santa Claus is one guy one dude one dude you know he's got like a uh like a red velvet suit and black patent leather wrapper yeah I played with him too man yeah he said he was 50 Cent's cousin you know but he raps so bad man we used to call him nickel he was good though he had a lisp and a stutter man oh I remember that guy today no man Santa Claus is not a rapper man you don't know who Santa Claus is well I'm not from here man oh yeah well where are you from Hoboken well that explains that [ __ ] man oh yeah yeah I had somewhere to go I would have been pissed off man yeah I don't know the story about Santa Claus I'll tell you a little story about Santa Claus okay oh yeah yeah so like once upon a time like about five years ago there was this dude and his name was Santa Claus man and he was a real groovy dude man he didn't like act like he he said ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho it's even like Charlie Sheen hey ho ho Charlie says no more holes down yeah but he was cool man he had that like a hat that went over there man he was cool he had a big ass white beard man and he used to live next door to me in the projects man he was a cool dude and he had a wife named Mrs Santa Claus man oh yeah she was cool man she a big fat go to that too man but then she didn't have a beard no I said well a little bit but mostly a mustache man you know yeah but she was cool you know what she used to do man she used to make tea and brownies for us man what yeah how'd you do that all right I took a little bite man but you can only you can't just have a little bit of a brownie man when you're messed up you know so I ate the whole thing it had three kilos of weed in it but I know because I made it I was in a coma for like three days man wow but the good news it cured my cancer thank you yes as a school man how do you do that why don't know the scientific thing but I think what happens when you treat uh cancer with marijuana the cancer cells get so messed up they forget why they're there and they just want to rock I mean that's my theory you know yeah well that makes sense man well you should have been hanging out with us in the projects man we used to drink tea and eat brownies all the time man Mr Mr Santa Claus oh we still in there yeah yeah out there man because they were in the cool man you know they lived in the project yeah the nickname store in the apartment next door man and they were cool man you know what they used to do they were so kind they used to take in midgets man taking midgets yeah yeah but make them smaller what no no man give them give them some place to live you know they were like Foster midgets oh they adopt them yeah yeah like Foster Miss and they were cool man how'd they live man well you know they had a bunch of houses back in the back I mean like Shacks or somebody but they used to live and sit there and live there for free man they call them stay free mini pads man you know they're all the Foster images used to it and they could live there no strings of town all right I spoke to Tampax once man really it looked like a joint you know it wasn't bad had a real Familiar Taste but it gave a new meaning to cotton balls old man and I think I got BMS because I started crying for no reason I'm bad that's probably the reason but you should have been with us back because we started we used to eat brownies and you know all those stuff and and they were cool but so I'll hear the the Foster missions man they used to make toys manual like airplanes little cars man you know everything and then at the end of the year Santa Claus would take all the toys that the Foster images made man Santa Claus put these little to work huh man you took all the toys and they put them in a big chopping Bag Man I can do it had a big chopping bag here they would take it and you put it in his sleigh man hold on what's a sleigh slave uh it's like a low rider with no wheels man you know it's like right on the ground man and it had a motor and all that no no man didn't have no motor man use the reindeer man what's a reindeer it was like a deer that got left out in the rain or something man because because they were little man they were like showing big ass horns man but a little little rain dirt man and what we this is a weird dude man when he was stand up in the Sleep hold on what would he do with the reindeer well he would hook him up to the to the sleigh man you know like hook him up I'm the harness like getting like a horses yeah like gold you know and they go and then you whip them well no he would just like whip the thing in front like in the air freak man well that's where the black boots came from man [Music] all over the sky and they would go all over and they would deliver toys to all the boys and girls all the way around the world and check it out they did it in one night man now how did they do that man they took the freeway no man how do you get all that the fly in the air like that man oh well Santa Claus had magic dust man yeah a little bit of magic those for Santa a little bit for the reindeer a little bit more for Santa a little bit more for the reindeer and a bit more of his animal for that and then together and they would fly all over and they would land on your roof man and by that time it was so skinny he just went right down the chimney man so you're telling me this dude's a tweaker yeah living room man grinding this guy's a meth head man what the hell you know that makes sense man because those Tweakers they're the only people I know would break into your house and leave your [ __ ] you know yeah well that's what it was man after after you drank all your milk and cookies and everything else you had man then they would then they would crawl back up the chimney and then get in the sling go to the next place man but you know what he had to hit and knock it off man because it got to be too dangerous man why what happened man well he got it was over Afghanistan got hit by a drone man whoa yeah so he doesn't do that he quit yeah well he didn't really man but he just comes back and disguises now like what kind of Disguise well you've seen him in front of the department store ringing that Bell in front of that black pot man dressed like Santa Claus yeah just dressed like Santa Claus but that's brilliant yeah just come back dressed like who you are yeah who would who would have thought man yeah Santa Claus they were cool yeah I know the dude man I played with him man last Christmas what we we made a lot of money man but Santa Claus is not a musician man tell me buddy dude he didn't know any tunes man oh man ding ding ding well come on

Channel: AXS TV

Views: 602,764

Keywords: Music, AXS TV, Classic Rock, Rock Music, Concert

Id: foKlxlR5idY

Length: 8min 43sec (523 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 06 2023