Chatting with Lady C - Living With & Surviving the Narcissist

would i fall in love it will be forever hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome back to a new episode of chatting with lady c hi mom how are you hello honey i'm well thank you oh my dear we have mickey here with us hello mickey come on come on come on come on oh yeah mickey wants to be with her today she's she's all day she's wanting to be with me i'm not quite sure oh my oh yes oh yes mickey nothing beats matty and baby love nothing she's such a choice yes she really is there she is okay let's let's put nikki like this shall we yeah okay okay so oh now today you have a special treat in store for us don't you so today we're going to be talking about my mother's book a daughter of narcissus and um we're going it's one long question that we're going to say in one go and then we'll probably cut it or do you want to just bring it up intersection break up to sections yeah yeah so it's mickey mouse no it's fine i'm scared that she's making a bit too much noise with microphones with our microphone no okay yes mix come on stay away from there come on she wants to stay so yes okay we're going to start off with you have a written daughter of narcissists can you tell us what it was like to be brought up by a narcissist what the effects were upon you and the rest of the family how you broke free whether it is possible to have a relationship with another statistics parent or you need to cut them out of your life altogether oh yes well that sort of is pretty much covering the whole subject in one question isn't it yes one big long one yeah okay so shall we take it bit by bit yes shall i just tell you the first bit again oh it's okay honey i think i can just look at it um well i'm sure that many people who are listening are listening because they suspect or know that they have narcissistic parents or that they have narcissistic friends relations children whatever it's very difficult well it was difficult for me when i was growing up to spot that mummy was a narcissist because in those days people didn't really know about narcissism the way they do now i would recommend to anybody who's interested in the subject that they go onto the internet and avail themselves of the considerable body of knowledge that is out there from various psychiatrists psychotherapists psychologists who have been doing videos and youtube things and addressing the issue in a way that thanks to the internet makes the subject very accessible when i wrote daughter of narcissus which i forget when i wrote it let me see when i wrote it oh i wrote it in 2009 so i would have written it in 2008 into 2009. when i wrote daughter of narcissus the internet wasn't quite what it is now and the subject was pretty much uh buried and very few people had actually written on the subject and who had survived it wholly that's why erica freeman suggested to me that i write the book and it took some convincing for me to write it but anyway i wrote it and i got your aunt's permission to write it and i don't think i knew that mummy was a narcissist until really very late in the game it just wasn't a word that cropped up the way everybody now thinks is very aware of narcissism but in those days people weren't but everybody definitely knew that there was something wrong with her and that there had been something wrong with her all along so first of all if you can if you don't know that somebody's narcissistic it's a very difficult situation for you to be in because you know something's wrong but you can't put your finger on it so that's where knowledge is helpful and that's where knowledge liberates you and that's why i would i'm delighted that there's so much out there on the subject no which there wasn't even when i wrote the book 12 years ago 11 years ago it's very difficult to be brought up by a narcissist because narcissism is a lot of very healthy qualities taken to such an extreme that it becomes very unhealthy uh what do i mean by that for instance narcissistic people are very self-centered but you need to have a certain amount of self-centeredness to be productive to have good ego structure you need to like yourself to be uh a very productive positive a healthy person but they take everything too far now there are people who are on the narcissistic spectrum who are not narcissists and very successful people usually exhibit more traits of narcissism than less successful people the higher up you go in the social scale the more people exhibit traits of narcissism whether they are narcissistic or not so these are all issues that people need to look out for and be aware of because not everybody who fancies themselves is actually suffering from narcissistic personality disorder that is people on the absolute end of the spectrum well it makes your life a complete misery because narcissists are they use everybody they use everybody because nobody actually is real to them except themselves everybody is there to be used and they can be very charming i mean mommy was extremely charming as you will recall she had wonderful social skills she had many virtues superficially and i mean you will remember your cousin andrew saying last year that she is responsible for many of the virtues we of the family have superficially which is true you know she had beautiful manners very well organized did things beautifully but she was rarely ultimately i mean i used to say to her you you know you reduce everybody to a pair of hairs because as far as she was concerned the only person who counted was herself and what i found and i go into in the book daughter of narcissus is because it's it's it was done as a serious case study of narcissism and so i don't only place the narcissist in her world but i show how she got there because there is some doubt as to whether narcissism is nature or nurture most responsible psychologists psychoanalysts are coming to the conclusion that it is a combination of the two and i think it is a combination of the two that some people are predisposed to being narcissistic uh but that their circumstances then enhance it and i try to show in daughter of narcissists how mommy's circumstances and my grandparents circumstances encouraged her to become the rampant narcissist that she was narcissists create an awful lot of suffering for everybody who is within their orbit they are especially good at playing their life partner i can see looking back how my poor father was reeled in and reeled out like a rather large fish on the end of a line and just when the fish thought could take no more and thought he was going to sail off into the sunset forgetting that he was hooked she'd reel him back in with charm and seduction and i mean narcissists are the ultimate phonies they are the ultimate frauds they will use anything to get what they want and basically what they want is to be the center of attention at all times to be adored and worshiped and praised and admired for doing absolutely nothing except existing and they will use every trick in the book to achieve it they are they negate every human being so you end up feeling that you do not exist because as far as they're concerned you don't exist it took me years to figure out what was going on because of course when we were growing up first of all nobody thought or spoke in terms of narcissism and mommy had a drinking problem and that kicked in but then narcissists often do have drinking problems they often also have drug problems because they love being euphoric if they are inclined to be euphoric they love dominating everybody they love creating havoc you know you find yourself in a conversation with them that everything is going along perfectly pleasantly and then all of a sudden it's derailed and you're in the middle of an argument and you how the hell did i get there you learned i mean i used to try my utmost not to get sucked into arguments and i would do my utmost and still nine times out of ten she'd now manage to suck you into an argument they are awful people to have to deal with because rarely you are just father you're not a human being to them nobody is a human being to a narcissist except him or herself everybody else is somebody to be used exploited abused and sometimes you'll think everything is going along brilliantly and what is also interesting with narcissists is that they are very susceptible to the mood of the moment for instance you if you're in a good mood you're in a good mood if i'm in a good mood i'm in a good mood and usually i am in a good mood you will admit unless of course something happens in which case i respond to what has happened and so that is an acknowledgement of reality but my natural default position is to be in a good mood as is yours yes well a narcissist's mood is variable in a way that a healthy person's is not because they are basically empty they basically are waking up on a daily basis and trying to fill that void the easiest way to fill void is with havoc so they will be dramatic they will be chaotic they will be entertaining and before you know it they're off on another path because it's all about what makes them feel good and what makes them feel good isn't only that you have to be always pandering to them and giving them what they want and validating them and admiring them but you also have to be made to know your place that you are an inferior to them that you have to be subservient to them so they have to play all sorts of nine games with everybody in their lives so i mean i my life with my childhood is littered and my teenage into my twenties is littered with incidents where everything is going along swimmingly and all of a sudden we're all involved in the most huge row all of which was engineered by money narcissists have a trick as well of what's called triangulating they are the victim and you whoever you are if you're close to them are their protector and the third person is effectively what i call fodder and the next thing you know is everything's going along happily and all of a sudden they have set up the situation where they are being victimized by you even though they're not being victimized by you at all me mummy used to do this with daddy and all of us uh so daddy was always being her protector you know she was always complaining we do things like i mean there were one or two incidents that stick in my mind i remember oh i would have been in my early twenties and we asked mommy if she wanted to go to the pictures with us because of course mommy never had anything to do except sit down all day and drink and create havoc and we asked her we were going to go to the movies and we asked her if she'd like to come with us no she said i'm not interested when i got home how is it that you left your mother alone i mean my mother was 43 years old when i was 21 but of course we had to babysit her as well she could never be left alone oh how is it that you left your mother alone i said she i asked her if she could want you to come with us and uh she said no well she felt abandoned daddy said i said daddy we asked her and i was going out with uh the azan cousins so it was a whole group of us who were good daddies net great nephews and great nieces a whole group of us going out another it's the same thing happened a few weeks later when we were going crabbing oh now you've never been crap crabbing i can tell you is great fun in jamaica in crab season you used to go and you and thousands literally tens of thousands of crabs are going they're migrating from i forget whether it's the road to the sea or the sea to the to the bushes about anywhere ever and we'd go and we'd catch crabs and bring them back home and get our owing how was our head gardener or leslie the undergardener to do a big uh pot of our salt water and put them in the saltwater and just eat the crabs with nothing just wonderful so we asked i asked mommy if she could would like to come with us no again the same thing happened so she was always causing trouble for us with daddy always and she also and this is classical narcissism as well narcissists they are you they always have to have an enemy and they always have to be the victim and the enemy is the person who is making their lives a misery the enemy of course 20 minutes before could have been their best friend 20 minutes later if you haven't stormed off in disgust and it suits them could become an ally for something else so they have you on the hop it's complete chaos emotionally and if it's like an egg beat in your brain and you end up being you know you end up being in a state of whatever next is going to happen and i remember when i went into therapy and i think you do need to go into therapy if you've had a narcissistic parent because i don't think it's possible for you to work it through without being in therapy i don't think it's fair on friends that one would impose one's burdens upon one's friends to that extent so i went into therapy and i had a wonderful therapist to have mentioned before called basil panzer who was wonderful absolutely wonderful man and he got the whole picture very well and he knew exactly what to do to sort of relieve the pain and the pressure of dealing with somebody like that but narcissists also play peter off against paul within the family situation and with mommy she hated mickey according to her she told me this when we were in new york uh when i she was checking me into school that she'd hated mickey from before he was born because she had discovered that daddy had a mistress daddy had loads of mistresses as did all of the men of that era and that background you know oh and i have to tell you i didn't see disturbing her on julian i don't think she loved him at all and she was quite clear about the fact that uh it was not going to affect her position as wife and therefore but but mommy would have grabbed at any straw to try to make out that she was a martyr and a victim even when she wasn't but and also it was an excuse and she that was her excuse for hating mickey from before he was born this is what she told me and i thought i'm 18 years old and i'm thinking why on earth is mummy telling me such an awful thing i mean too much information but of course it was to make you feel sorry for her because she was the one who was suffering well excuse me i had 18 years of mummy abusing mickey to the extent that he spent half his life down at my grandmother's or at my aunt's house seeking refuge from mummy's abuse and but that's the sort of thing and and you know she'd set daddy up against us uh in other ways as well you know she was very mischievous and narcissists are mischievous they play peter off against paul they create havoc because basically what they are doing is creating drama and excitement they are the playwright the director the producer and the star of the show and the name of the game is that they are empty and they are filling their lives with drama as psychiatrists and psychologists will tell you that narcissists want admiration above all else i don't agree with that i think they want to be deified i think that's completely different they want to be worshipped they want to negate everybody so that they are supreme beings that's not the same thing as wanting admiration there are parallels to it but they because if you tell a narcissist how wonderful they are and you can do it take it from me 20 minutes later they're still sucking you in to some abuse because they don't want only admiration what they want is everybody filling up their empty vessel and everybody being used to stuff them and their emptiness full while at the same time you are subservient to them they are very very very deeply disturbed people and they create havoc big and they're very cruel i mean mommy was a real sadist but people often didn't know it because she could be so charming but she could play the nastiest head games and it's all in the book you know so now what is another part of the question oh first of all before you answer do you think that's interesting yes i think it is do you i think it's just a normal day person nowadays to be honest just sounds like anybody could be like every anybody's like that today do you think so yeah god i hope not because they probably should call it a different name now normal person really yeah you think people are so self-centered and exploitative and using other people for their own benefits yes you do well yes who doesn't nowadays no of course anybody would do and you could say it yourself like anybody would use anybody to get it their own way like not to the extent of this well that depends how far they want to go and it looks like grandma went to the beyond and she didn't care because some people probably have limits because they just want to stay there and they don't they don't go forward oh no that's the difference between a true narcissist and somebody who just exhibits narcissistic traits these other people have a conscience they have feelings there comes a point when they think um i better put on the brakes i'm being a bad person i'm being exploitative i'm using someone else i've crossed over an invisible line so they pull themselves back and that's more the human condition i mean you know there are two degrees there are on the one hand there are no absolute narcissists and on the other hand there are absolute empaths so they're people who are basically takers and people who are basically givers and then there's a whole lot in between it's also like the argument bit like a lot of people argue to play the victim as well nowadays i would say yes yes but i've noticed an awful lot of people playing victim when they have no right to do so you know i mean i just don't get it you know i really don't get it i think it's such an ignoble invidious position to try to adopt far better to play on your strengths simply on the strengths of others you know but i do know we live in a world where victimhood has been revered and you know everybody oh to put it another way everybody's a victim and therefore i like critics critics are like just being a victim basically they didn't like it because one bad thing happened to them it's like i was reading a comment they were saying we've been coming here for ages ages and one bad thing happened and now it's like they wrote a comment like don't go it's the most horrible place it's like out of all those years you've been going it's been lovely until you had one bad thing was this a restaurant yes this would have been a restaurant so it's just been like you're playing the victim just for one thing one little thing you see people need to understand what the purpose of life is to live and let live and be the best person you can be and give love and be loving also you know embrace life life is not about perfection life is you need to accept the fact that there are mistakes that people do make mistakes okay so the next bit i think we should talk about is whether it is possible to have a relationship with an artistic parent or or you need to cut them out of your life altogether i will answer by speaking from experience mommy did two things that were so awful that i refused to speak to her except in the most cursory manner for over 20 years and i refuse to stay in any house she was staying in that she owned in 1972 susie knickerbocker said that i was one of the most beautiful girls on earth which was ludicrous i mean it was very flattering but it was ludicrous because of course i'm not and i mean the difference say between me and mommy was that mommy was good looking and people made much about the fact that she was glamorous and good-looking and well-dressed and well turned out and all the rest of it all of which she was and uh but i did she she was what i call a professional beauty and it was all about vanity and about society and about blah blah blah all the superficial things of life i was have by then a lot of people were making very nice sounds about my looks but i took it with a pinch of salt because i used mummy as an awful warning of what i should never become and i saw that if i went down the professional beauty route i stood a chance of ending up like mommy and already at 21 years old i knew the one thing i didn't want to be was anything like mommy and anyway susan nicobarca said this oh our granny auntie was staying with us at the time which was a miracle because she practically never stayed with us ever because she couldn't stand being around mommy for any length of time but for whatever reason she was staying with us this time and she came from the hairdresser and she brought news of this article and she said oh veronica has said this blah blah blah one of the ladies had uh brought in this copy of the newspaper that isn't it lovely well i took it with a pinch of salt i knew that you know it's a gossip column uh the jamaica tourist board had said that i was modeling in a show to promote jamaican designers it's hype i mean it's nice to be called it but you know and whenever people used to make the most extravagant comments or compliments i would say to them well it's all very good and well but you know there if you walk down any street there are 25 other girls who are at least as good looking which is true you know i mean what i had going for me was aside from being very slim and being the archetype of a certain type and i'm not saying to some people i'm not good looking but nobody's good looking to everybody number one and number two there are always others equally good looking they may not be as chic they may not have the advantage of birth and background they may not have the advantage of the social setting where they're going to be acknowledged as great beauties in quotes but they are equally good-looking so i was very aware of all of that you because in life you need to have a sense of proportion and what mummy and what mommy had taught me was that she had no sense of proportion and that in life if you were going to have a good life you needed to have a sense of proportion and that you needed to not only know how important you were but how unimportant you were so i was busy learning lessons just by observing mommy anyway to cut a long story short two weeks afterwards she is drunk she's made the latest house-made clean what we call the breakfast porch was that but was actually the family dining room uh i think i counted at 32 or 36 times i mean just tormenting the poor woman just because she had nothing better to do she was a sadist i mean there are no two ways about it she was a sadist and she's tormenting the woman or or and you know and the woman said please then can you tell me what i'm doing wrong you are going to figure it out for yourself do it again and finally i thought i can't bear this and i walked into my bedroom and i started to wash my hair and then in those days you had the dryers where you had the big thing over your head and uh so i'm drying my hair now and i've given up and just cutting myself off from the drama because there was always some drama going on with money of one sort or another and she comes into my bedroom bursts into my bedroom and i don't even remember what she was saying and over something to do with the woman i think i must have said something along the lines of you know please mommy can you please just tell her what it is or something like that and she bursts into the room and how dare i interfere with her and blah blah blah and then maid and on and on and on and i just completely ignored her and the next thing i knew was she had changed she tore off the thing off my head with one hand and with her other hand which was her right hand she took the cigarette to stab me in the face with it and i dodged it and i won't go on about the outcome of that beyond to say that when mommy died i realized that she had died to me from that moment on i just didn't realize that the corpse was dead i gave her all the chances but that was the first thing she did and it took me years of therapy to figure out that the reason why she had done it was because susie nicobacca had had the unmitigated goal to say something nice about me in the newspapers and the whole incident is in the book and she did one other thing that to me was absolutely unforgivable was about six years later no it wasn't it must have been well it was 1976. it was christmas 1976. when i was the chairman of something for raising money for the university hospital of the west indies which i had very successfully raised money for before and hugh winter who was the head of the who was the head of the omg department and who loved me and i loved him he'd asked me to raise some more money and i was in jamaica for six weeks and i thought i have nothing to do i'll do it and i did it and just to be nice because mommy had given up drinking at that point and i thought oh well i would be nice so i asked her she'd like to be co-chairman she did absolutely nothing until the day of the event she came back from the bank and she said to me oh i need to speak to you and uh called me into her bedroom and said you know i've been in the bank and i'm missing my ruby bracelet she i was supposed to be left the ruby bracelet by the way she left it to your sis to your aunt phibi instead which is bad i mean because i didn't want it after what happened so i said um how would i know i have no access to your to your bank vault oh she said well i'm missing it are you sure you didn't take it knowing that i would explode which i did cookie kincaid was there at the time cookie can tell you all about it i tore into her i traced her up down and around for the next six hours back then i was so heartily sick and tired of this abusive [ __ ] and the lies the games and the cheating and the nastiness that she had done with everybody servants family friends always abusing everybody and playing really nasty head games with everybody i knew that she was playing some game i didn't know what the game was i would find out very shortly but i knew it was a game but she didn't expect me she expected me to be upset she didn't expect me to explode and spend the next six hours abusing her roundly in front of everybody which i did and cookie took me up to the pool and said georgie calm down and i calmed down for about 10 minutes and i went back and i was like the sea and i told her every single thing that anybody had ever said about her i just took a mirror and pushed it in her face figuratively speaking and i let her have it and at the end of it i said to her and we were both going to be at this event that evening and i said to her don't make the mistake of speaking to me in public because i'm going to cut you i said i don't ever want to see you again or have anything to do with you she said oh well you can leave now if that's the way you feel i said i'm not leaving my father's house i said why would i leave my father's house and go to the inconvenience of finding somewhere else to stay i said i'm not leaving this is my father's house you are just a wife you are expendable i said my relationship with my father is life enduring i said yours is not i said i'm going nowhere if you don't like the fact that i'm here you can leave i'm going nowhere i said and don't expect me to speak to you again because i'm not going to and i didn't speak to her for years and do you know the only reason i spoke to mommy ever again properly because of you children i guess when i got you children i thought all children deserve grandparents and whatever mommy's faults as a parent she had not been a bad grandparent because i saw that with phibi's children and as you know they liked her yes and you and emma liked her as well i did i mean i think gabriella is not so crazy about her with good reason but today is too young well also gabriella was a girl and mommy didn't like the competition of girls my mommy loved playing up to boys and men so there was that element to it as well but anyway also gabriella was getting too much attention for a mog from year-round margaret which mommy felt that she should be getting while i was very careful to not make too much of you children in front of her because i knew that would have set her off because i learned how to plea her but that's the only reason why i would never have had her back in my life and i have to tell you i do not regret having let her back into my life but i also suffered the consequences of letting her back into my life because when granny auntie died how mommy stole her beach house from under phoebe puss and myself was a complete disgrace she went behind our backs it was our house left to us by her sister she stole it sold it out from under us pocketed the money then tried to pocket the rest of the money her behavior was disgraceful she didn't need the money but just because she figured why should they be left everything and i get nothing she's my sister and so she not only went into the bedroom and she stole the will but having stolen the will she then stole the beach house and tried to steal all the money and would have succeeded and do you know the one thing that got because with narcissists they everybody else is in you is not a human being to them so they are the only human being so to put it another way narcissists are the ultimate in inhumanity because since we are all human and they do not regard us as human and they regard themselves as better than us they are really the ultimate in in humanity but i realized that mummy had one thing that actually mattered to her she believed in god and i remember when i discovered that mummy had stolen all of that money from us and i phoned her up she was living in canaan in my house and refusing to pay a proper rent on it even though i needed the money and she had the money and didn't want to do it again just because she was a power crazed cow as well because mommy had long since gone beyond being charming where anybody close to her was concerned because when she was young she used charm as she got older it was just the raw exercise of power which is often a progression with narcissists and i figured out that the one thing that mummy respected was god because she genuinely believed in god and i phoned her up and i said to her i said how are you going to feel i said you are 77 years old you're gonna die soon i said because she'd been diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver i said you're gonna die soon i said you're gonna meet your maker i said how are you going to explain and i listed every single member of the family i said and after you've lied to them how are you going to explain to god i'm not going to have you speak to me like that i said well you have no choice i just did i said that's the question i need you to ask yourself i said how are you going to square it with god i said because mommy i had you pegged for being a [ __ ] and a stinker and a liar but i never had you pegged for being a common thief but you are nothing but a common thief that's what made the difference she actually and so finally after all those years i had actually found a way to reel her in and she then although she took much more of the money than she had any entitlement to because she had no entitlement to none at all but i think she kept something like a half for herself and divided up the other half between the three of us and i thought god did i go through all of this to be ripped off by this [ __ ] because that's what we used to call her we used to call her the [ __ ] because she was a [ __ ] and but she used to proudly say i don't if you remember mommy used to say very proudly and the biggest [ __ ] you'll ever meet and don't forget it she was do you remember that no i'm not taller she's right she won't say it she was very proud of being a [ __ ] but looking back on it i do not regret having not spoken to mommy for the 20 years i mean once or twice when i saw her i'd say hello oh and very icely uh but otherwise i didn't speak to her no i actually thought if i continued to interact with mummy she was going to destroy me because she would destroy everybody around her she was an extremely destructive person and i saw the only way i could get out from under this tremendous abusiveness was to have nothing to do with her and i think when you're dealing with people with disordered personalities sometimes the only solution is avoidance oh and i didn't need her and i had nothing to do with her until you children came along and i don't regret that and as you know once she got really ill i'm the one who ended up with full control of all of her money which was ironic you know because there she had been stealing money from us or just being a complete really dreadful human being not because she needed to be just for the sake of being able to so that she could let you know that she had dumped on you that's what it was all about it was the raw exercise of power yet when she was dying i still went once a week every six weeks you're both aunts went once a week every week and she had been abominable to one of them and she had been completely avoid with the other but they still did because in life you you know you rarely only have one pair set of parents or in your case only one for you but that's beside me in real life you have two sets of parents well you normally have a father and a mother yes and then you meet up with someone and then you have their parents that become sort of their parents yeah but they're your parents in law they're not your parents still can act more like your parents than your own parents yes in a lot of cases yes but that's family yes and and we have and one does have respect for and reverence for fam i don't regret having not spoken to mummy for 20 years and i do not regret having started to speak to her again what i will say is leopards don't change their spots and it would it came as a great shock to me when after all that had happened between us and we were speaking again and we were supposed to be getting on so well that she spun around and ripped us off for no other reason except than she wanted when she could and then spun around and gave a hefty percentage of our money to somebody who didn't need it and who she simply wanted to shine brightly in his eyes and i'm referring to mark i mean honestly you know but that's what happens with narcissists because it's all about them and nothing to do with you and you are just there to be used and exploited and i will conclude this by saying if you really want to wade through the dreadfulness of it all i we will put up the book daughter of narcissus at the end and it explains the whole situation of narcissism in a way that this doesn't because of course one gets emotional and upset reliving or the dreadfulness of it all but having said that she could also be very entertaining and amusing and she did have many virtues and one tries to counterbalance the bad with the good although i have to tell you i would soon have skipped every single virtue just to avoid devices so so basically to conclude it get away as quickly as possible unless you have a good reason to come back exactly exactly exactly and do it and do it for yourself because i used to say to mommy uh i remember in when i went back the the time of that terrible uh trip wrench about with the ruby bracelet the first night were in this library and she always had to have the room in darkness and then before you knew what you you it was always you listening and she talking and and anyway uh she then spun around and she and she knew i disliked sewing but because i had been to the fashion institute and she knew that i disliked sewing and she knew that i was trained up to cut your standard every time i went to jamaica she would oh please you are so gifted and so talented and you make such beautiful can you just make one or two things for me and she knew i hated them but it's because i hated them that she had to get me to and also while i was sewing she'd be there eating off my ears about something and so i was not only a trapped audience but i was also trapped doing something i didn't like which to a narcissist is heaven on earth and she's asked me to to oh you know i've i got some wonderful material that i said mommy i you know i hate sewing you know i've been working very hard and i'm just here for a few weeks so uh you know why don't we uh give this a miss oh no no no she started oh please i said mommy why is it that you always set up the situation that everybody has to choose between you and themselves and when i said it i realized i had hit one of the main truths with her and in fact this is one of the main shows with all narcissists they set up the situation always for you to choose between them and yourself and if you don't choose them they go ballistic or it infuriates them or it annoys them oh but anyway but usually with people like that people choose the narcissist but i by then was on to her enough so i said i asked her the question oh you're so selfish and i said to her i said well actually mommy i would have thought it's more selfish to ask somebody who spent the whole of their year working and is out here on a holiday to do something they dislike then and you are the person who never works who does nothing and you don't dislike it so why would you want me to do it i said who's being selfish i said anyway i i've had a long trip and i think i'll go to bed good night oh don't go you know it's such a pleasure to see you come on sit down you don't want to go on this look and then keeps me for another two hours but that's typical narcissistic behavior as well because no matter what you want they're going to do what they want and as soon as they don't want it to continue any longer they just drop the axe and you're discarded narcissists are the ultimate abusers and the ultimate users they use everybody and they abuse everybody and my recommendation to anybody who is involved with a narcissist unless it is your child in which case you would have to cope differently is cut the ties have nothing to do with them jump ship abandon them the way they abandon you on a daily basis because they abandon everyone as and when it suits them and on that note have you enjoyed yes i have you have yeah i have really actually was it interesting it was reminds me of about a lot of people um not on a big scale more of a smaller scale of how people act i would say and yeah it's interesting i i was actually just wondering there how narcissistic and the narcissist would get along with each other well this is the interesting thing every now and then you do have relationships where both parties are narcissists because of course what narcissists do is they put their best foot forward and they dupe people into thinking that they are nicer than they are you know the the charm of the narcissist or they they understand that charm often works i mean i saw it with your grandmother even when she was dying towards the end of it i thought wow you know she's really good at this you know when she wanted to turn on the charm and the need and this and and i used to think because i could see through her but i thought wow she's really good at this no wonder people like my poor father was hooked for the whole of his life you know no matter every time he tried to escape he just couldn't escape so yeah anyway thank you pleasure as always thank you so we hope you enjoyed that episode for next week like we said in our previous video we will be starting with more videos during the week with short times based on different subjects because we've been getting a lot of comments and people we want to get in all of that and if you enjoyed this one and hit us a like hit the subscribe button and tell your friends and i hope you enjoyed it mom well enjoy is not a word i would use to describe what i've just gone through but i think it's hopefully productive and useful for some people and interesting to some people and if it reaches at least one or two people who've who are suffering because of what they're going through uh there is life after the narcissist take it from me i know what i'm talking about there is life after the narcissist you just need to find a way of getting away from them because narcissistic personality disorder is incurable it is not curable and a leopard will not change its spots and you are dealing with very greedy leopards and you are dead meat to them and on that note nikki says that she's come to give her motty kisses so thank you so much and goodbye you

Channel: Lady Colin Campbell

Views: 72,848

Rating: 4.9541736 out of 5

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Id: UA84emVuOcA

Length: 61min 2sec (3662 seconds)

Published: Sat Aug 22 2020