Catholic Masculinity - Discovering Authentic Manhood

I'm Sam Baker from Catholic man UK a husband and father by vocation a teacher by occupation and a student of masculinity through well as you'll find out desperation I'd like to talk to you about the specifics of Catholic masculinity or makes a Catholic man and what makes the Catholic vision of manhood the only authentic vision of masculinity out there a tall order perhaps but manhood appears to being a struggle in this day and age we hear much about toxic masculinity rape culture the patriarchy male loneliness and suicide so what's going on manhood is an imitation game the best way to learn to be a good man is to watch one in action like father like son is firmly based in developmental psychology Jesus says in the Gospel of John truly truly I tell you the son can do nothing by himself he can only do what he sees his father doing because whatever the father does the son also does for the Father loves the Son and shows him all he does but we live in a culture that replaces the father with the detached male individual who carefully avoids permanent commitment to anybody and refuses to take responsibility for anyone except himself he leads an adolescent life filled with selfish pursuits there is a rejection of the masculine ideal of sacrificing oneself for others when authentic manhood is absent from society society perishes to paraphrase st. John Paul the great society goes by way of the family and the family goes by way of the Father the only remedy for masculine absence in society is masculine presence authentic manhood therefore is a state or condition of being present as an adult male having and carrying out the Associated qualities and responsibilities today's debate on masculinity has come about because we've lost a fixed point of reference for those qualities and responsibilities being a man is no longer about that you and duty tough physical work commitment to marriage and a family or sacrifices for the greater good of society true men exploits their masculine characteristics and strengths through violence to abuse rape imitate intimidate rob and murder good men must do their utmost to prevent this exploitation and on behalf of all men should ask forgiveness from our women for the uncountable occasions where this behavior goes unchecked and unpunished we also cannot take the blame for the families we grew up in anyone who had an absent father shouldn't lose hope that lost of the father can be healed by the father of all mercies but this juvenile behavior we're talking about is not manhood this is not what authentic masculinity is those many individuals who do abuse their power their strength wealth and sexual desires aren't men they're boys we aren't suffering a crisis of masculinity so much as a crisis of boyhood where more and more men in our society are crowding around the doorway of mature manhood unable to step over the threshold males gravitate towards extremes and when we allow these extremes to become our expectations for behavior we turn away from our real purpose on the excessive end of those extremes manhood is equated with brutality but on the deficient end we have mediocrity being unmotivated bland weak both of these extremes are considered by one group or another to be the norm for manhood and both result in inability to take on real responsibility to commit to a job or a relationship so let me tell you something of my own story one very much on the mediocre ends of masculinity I grew up in an odd Catholic community that bordered on a cult as with all cults our community attracted the vulnerable the damaged the broken and those seeking some kind of security or affirmation away from the awful world out there my own father suffered terribly from absent fathering from a man who was a sickly drug dependent alcoholic and she left him sitting for hours alone outside the pub while he sat inside drinking away the housekeeping that grandfather in turn had discarded and loved an impoverished bastard son given this absence of loving and responsible fatherhood it's no wonder that my dad turns for guidance to a strong charismatic visionary cult leader who seemed to hold all the answers when I arrived as at least the third generation of this weak lineage of manhood I was hardly prepared for a good masculine start to life I was a boy left to his own devices bookish nerdy lacking in coordination of practical skills prone to tears scared of getting hurt and totally inept when it came to making solid male friendships I had no idea how to act in the presence of other men I sucked my thumb until hitting puberty and compulsively masturbated for years afterwards yet deep within me from an early age there was a resounding desire to be more manly looking back much of my struggle was with my own insecurities and self-consciousness I remember many awkward moments of trying to measure up to other men and the shame of appearing to fail badly I had no manual no guide that prepared me for these situations and so like Jordan Peterson's lobster I crawled further back into my hole and awaited more humiliating defeats it was a way something elusive about being a real man that I couldn't put my finger on it never occurred to me that the lack of strong involved fatherhood was the root cause so like many in society having a lost or missed the points of reference about what it means to be a man I spent many years trying to reinvent the masculinity we'll eventually discovered that the Catholic understanding of manhood held many if not all of the answers and so here in my discoveries and by the way although I'm not explicit about this much of it applies to men who are spiritual priestly fathers as it does to men who are biological fathers firstly Catholic manhood knows its roots and in them a man finds his role with my masculinity so cut adrift I needed to find some absolutes was it possible to reach back to a fixed point where we can say this is my primordial purpose as a man the Catechism of the Catholic Church suggests it is it states in creation God laid a foundation and established laws that remain firm on which the believer can rely with confidence for they are a sign and pledge of the unshakeable faithfulness of God's covenant for his part man must remain faithful to this foundation and respect the laws which the Creator has written into it so what firm laws did the Creator right into the foundation of manhood let's go back to the beginning to Genesis here are the laws God told Adam to procreate be fruitful and fill the earth God gave him primacy or dominion over creation he told him to protect to keep or guard his creatures and the creation covenants and to provide for himself and his people to till the land procreation primacy provision protection those the laws stitched into the fabric of manhood and what does this still mean for men today Scot harm develops this in his book a father who keeps his promises by stating that God's first and foundational covenant was a marriage covenant between Adam and Eve the first couple the fruit of their covenant love was children it means that men are meant to be fathers of a family biological or spiritual men are meant to lead that family to provide for them and to protect them within the covenant of love established by God's by default father had also means commitment responsibility of fidelity much to unpack from this and will be usefully summed up in another talk our Father had truly recognized within sonship fathers as prophets priests and kings but for now those are your absolutes for being a man manhood is not defined by occupation that by vocation secondly Catholic manhood knows its reason why is it that men are designed to be fathers st. John Paul the great tells us in his familiaris consortio that human fatherhood is meant to reveal and relive on earth the very Fatherhood of God what does this mean it means that we men have the inconceivably terrifying and breathtaking task of transmitting the reality of God's paternity to others specifically to the children in our care so that they come to know who God the father is through us God's has let us loose on his paternity we are the primary manner by which others upon this earth come to know God the Father the American author Devon shut who runs the excellent fathers of st. Joseph writes about this in his book show us the father in summary he says the human father is a link between God the Father and his children he is the voice of the father that our children cannot hear the face of the father that our children cannot see and the touch of the father that our children cannot feel if fathers turn their hearts to their children their children will turn their hearts to gods if father's listen to their children their children will know who they're listening out of God if father's show mercy to their children their children will discover the merciful hearts of God's the human father is indeed the visible icon of the Heavenly Father why do we so desire a father's approval because we want to be approved by God the Father conversely when we struggle with our belief in the presence of God in the love of God and in the faithfulness of God it's because we've struggled to see presence love and faithfulness in our own father's Paul wits in his book faith of the fatherless the psychology of atheism discovers an interesting pattern atheism arises in people with absent deceased or abusive father's disappointment in one's earthly father frequently leads to a rejection of God by contrast prominent defenders of religious belief and includes Blaise Pascal John Henry Newman and GK Chesterton were blessed with attentive loving and caring fathers look around at the world today an increasingly father this world is an increasingly secular world look at the absence of men in church and the ease with which their children disappear from it once they hit their teens look at the research the shows that if the father is the primary churchgoer and living example of faith his children have a greater likelihood of practicing the faith into adulthood then even if both father and mother regularly practice their faith and we're just the mother attends church there is the least likelihood that the children will continue practicing their faith into adulthood while this occurring st. John Paul the great Cardinal Ratzinger provides an answer human fatherhood gives us an anticipation of what God the Father is that when this fatherhood does not exist when it is experienced only as a biological phenomenon without its human and spiritual dimension all statements about God the Father are empty fatherhood experienced only as a biological phenomenon this is sex without considering the consequences feckless fathers leaving behind single mothers sperm donors turning fatherhood into a commercial transaction any biological act that is not followed up with the commitment and duty of fatherhood all statements about God the Father are empty how can we say that God the Father is good if our own father abused us how can we say that God the Father is loving if our own father left us when we were children Cardinal Ratzinger continues the crisis of fatherhood we are living today is an element perhaps their most important threatening man in his humanity the dissolution of fatherhood and motherhood is linked to the dissolution of our being sons and daughters as an interesting aside one of the antonyms of dissolution is inauguration it's a wonderful thing that true manhood helps inaugurate invest or initiate others into the family of God it's a very majestic term and a very stately activity indeed simple says I bow my knees before the father from all paternity in heaven and on earth takes its name next catholic manhood knows its responsibilities that's returned to st. John Paul the Great's and the quote from familiaris consortio here is the lining context in revealing and in were living on earth the Fatherhood of God a man is called upon to ensure the harmonious and united development of all the members of the family he will perform this task by exercising generous responsibility for the life conceived under the heart of the mother by a more solicitous commitment to education a task he shares with his wife by work which is never caused of division in the family but promotes his unity and stability and by means of the witness he gives of an adult Christian life which effectively introduces the children into the living experience of Christ and the church so let's pick this apart for the next few minutes what actual duties of mature Catholic men are described here firstly he ensures the harmonious and United developments of all the members of the family the Catholic father corrects disciplines teachers treats everyone justly with fairness he exhorts encourages and provides opportunities to experience new things in life he allocates chores and duties and provides rewards and celebrations he looks for the strengths in his children and develops them he looks for their weaknesses and strengthens them he establishes a family culture family times and seasons and helps to contain any extremes in the urban flow of family life next he exercises generous responsibility for the life conceived under the heart of the mother a Catholic father is present and committed he welcomes Concepcion he kicks his selfish boyish habits and gives the ensuing time and energy to his family he settles the baby feeds it wipes its Bama changes it's nappy he gets down on the floor to play he takes his children into the garden that workshop the countryside the resources he has and the money he earns he pours into their needs rather than his own he has a solicitous commitment to education the boys successful transition to manhood comes about from learning how to be a man from other men and then having his masculinity affirmed by those men the girl will learn likewise from her mother in practical matters a father and a mother should teach skills and virtues necessary for the rounded education of both sons and daughters however it is in spiritual matters that the father has a primary responsibility to educate st. Augustine emphasizes the father's spiritual headship of his family in his sermons on selected lessons of the New Testament he goes so far as to compare the father's role in the home to that of bishops in the church and he says discharge our office in your own houses a bishop is called from hence because he super-intense because he takes care and attends to others to every man then if he is the head of his own house or the office of the Episcopal to belong to take care how his household believe that none of them fall into heresy neither wife nor son nor daughter do not neglect them the least of those belonging to you look after the salvation of all your household with all vigilance or so Paul to the Corinthians if you like be watchful stand firm in the faith act like men be strong that all that you do be done in love next a man's work should never be a cause of division in the family but promotes his unity and stability the modern working world doesn't make it easy for us but a Catholic father will try and find a job close to home a career that allows flexible hours or opportunities to work from home he will make prudent decisions about how much overtime he does about how much travel he undertakes about whether the extra cash from that promotion is really worth the additional hours away from the family men have a tendency to define and affirm their masculinity by their careers and incomes or use their hard work to excuse their lack of presence to their families remember that man is not defined by occupation the by vocation next a man gives witness of an adult Christian life an adult Christian life is a life of virtue did you know that a Latin word for man is via which is at the root of the words virtue and virility in using via to denote a man it also implies those qualities and properties which constitute a man there is used in the Latin as a term of respect and it often signifies emphatically a hero virtue and virility are the core foundations of becoming an authentic adult Catholic man virtue is about being a good man and virility is about being good at being a man virtue is what makes virility noble virility is what makes virtue active Aristotle's golden means states that any virtue lets take courage as an example sits between two extremes a deficient and an excessive vice the deficient side of courage for example would be cowardice and the excessive side recklessness giving witness to an adult Christian life is a continuous heroic determination to move away from those extremes and towards virtue or as the Catechism of the Catholic Church defines it a habitual and firm disposition to do the good virility brings us back to the four divinely appointed laws of primacy procreation provision and protection and to some extent also describes our capacity in each area the degree to which we have developed our capability in all four roles is the degree to which we might be considered virile or good at being a man again this is a topic worthy of a whole other presentation but to conclude a man introduces the children into the living experience of Christ and the church this is the final point from John Paul the Great's comment on masculinity what is the living experience of Christ in the church it is the unrestrained limitless unbidden and unprompted gratuitous abandonment and sublimation of oneself and one's own desires for the good of another in short complete self-sacrifice and how does a father introduce his children into this living experience of Christ and the church through his love of their mother marriage as someone once said is an ongoing and vivid illustration of what it costs to love an imperfect person unconditionally just as Christ loved us through a selfless love of their mother the father shows his children how Christ loves us and his church as the venerable Fulton sheen says suffering and responsibility these are the hallmarks of masculinity and it ain't easy my own marriage has been a crucible of sorrow and I've struggled for many years expecting my wife to love me as I wanted to be loved and resenting her when she didn't love became conditional I would only repay it if I felt I was receiving it well I didn't realize this that to love as a man like Christ he's always to make the first move to be the first to express sorry the first to forgive the first to show a sign of affection the first to break the cold wall of silence as Saint John the Evangelist writes we love because he loved us first st. John Chrysostom exalts husbands and even if it becomes necessary for you to give your life for her yes and even to endure and undergo suffering of any kind do not refuse even though you undergo all this you will never have done anything equal to what Christ has done you are sacrificing yourself for someone to whom you are already joined but he offered himself up for one who turns her back on him and hated him he continues in the same way then as he honored her by putting at his feet one who turned her back on him who hated rejected and disdained him as he accomplished this not with threats or violence or terror or anything else like that but through his untiring laughs so also you should behave towards your wife so the church was not pure she had blemishes she was ugly and cheap whatever kind of wife you marry you will never take a bride like Christ did when he married the judge he will never marry anyone as estranged from you as the church was from Christ despite all this he did not a boar or hater for her extraordinary corruption it's easy to wallow in resent resentment and self-pity in our relationships it's easy for men like the first Adam to blame the woman for all the trouble and strife in their lives but that's a boyish response the battle between the sexes will only ever be over when we men love first when we take our computer games our fast cars our banter our addictions our lewdness our desire for power and nail them firmly to the cross of self discipline and self denial then with our arms open wide and our hearts pouring out our love we will hear our wives and our children say behold the man like committing to the gym after years of inactivity committing to authentic manhood and after years of juvenile indolence is a challenge firstly we don't feel like we have the energy this all sounds exhausting where do I start secondly once you hit the gym it's depressing how much further ahead other people other people appear to be and how much work you have to do to get there but it's not until we put ourselves in a position of duress and vulnerability that we find the righteous anger and inner wherewithal to deal with and root out our apathy but start small sin has a Murray or even rights willpower a very important quality don't despise little things for by the continual practice of denying yourself again and again in such things which are never futile or trivial with God's grace you will add strength and resilience to your character in that way you will first become master of yourself and then a guide a chief a leader to compel and to urge and to inspire others with your word your example with your knowledge and with your power even if you're not yet a father all that time seems a long way off there is much you can do to prepare to cast off your boyish habits and to take up your responsibilities but know this also to take your fitness for a manhood seriously you need to be taught how to do it correctly you have to start light you need a coach to guide you and to hold you accountable you need to work on areas that are injured or weaker than others and you will plummet to depths you never knew were there and rise to summits you never imagined and you'll need buddies along the way to conduct to cajole and motivate you to laugh acts and with you and you push you to achievements beyond your expectations manhood is a challenge but men are built for four challenges through my work with Catholic man UK I want to raise up a band of Catholic men ready to meet these challenges men fit and healthy and mind body and soul men willing to change their lives so they can change the lives of others if society goes by way of the family and the family goes by way of the father then society's future is in the hands of courageous self-sacrificing men there are no more stirring words in this regard in the recent speech made by Jim Jay Caviezel the actor who portrayed Jesus in the Passion of the Christ the world needs proud warriors animated by their faith warriors like Saint Paul and st. Luke and on today's feast day isn't Thomas Morris and John Fisher who risked their names and their reputations to take their faith their love for Jesus into the world God is calling each one of us each one of you to do great things but how often we fail to respond dismissing it as some mental blurp it is time for our generation now to accept that call the call of God urging all of us to give ourselves entirely to him to see that gentle hand guiding our path but first we must make that commitment to start praying too fast to meditate on the Holy Scriptures to take the Holy Sacrament seriously for we are in danger of succumbing to our excesses we must shake off this indifference this destructive tolerance of evil that only our faith and the wisdom of Christ can save us from but it requires warriors ready to risk their reputations their names even our very lives to stand for the truth set yourselves apart from this corrupt generation be Saints you weren't born to fit in you were born to stand out my friends to end by paraphrasing another good American man the age of casual manhood is over the age of heroic manhood has begun we can no longer be men by accident but instead be men by conviction thank you

Channel: Catholic Man UK

Views: 1,944

Rating: 4.9560437 out of 5

Keywords: Manhood, Masculinity, Manliness, Men, Masculine, Authentic, Catholic, Catholicism

Id: RBpo9ZcASpE

Length: 32min 13sec (1933 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 19 2019