Brother Wished Me To Lose My Baby & Now Demands I Help Him Because He's Losing His - Toxic Sibling

what made you cut contact with your sibling i female 28 was five weeks pregnant with my son jack when my husband got involved in an accident that left him on a ventilator for a few days then he passed away this absolutely ended me i was going through the worst days of my life i had to go to the hospital i was suffering from anemia because i didn't eat for two days following the funeral i felt tired weak and pale all the time my family who hated my husband especially my brother showed up at the hospital and started talking about my health and how the pregnancy was probably causing this and he told me i should consider termination since being a new widow having health problems weren't suitable condition to raise a child in i was in disbelief i knew he hated my husband and hated that i was pregnant with his baby so he brought up the idea to get rid of him permanently i was so mad i asked him how could he expect me to let go of the last piece i have of my husband who was taken from me all of a sudden i told him how my husband was so excited to be a dad and how much this meant to him i called him selfish and insensitive for even thinking about it and i cut contact with them after that now my son is three months old there isn't a day that goes by that i don't wish that my husband was here with us it's so unfair and my son didn't deserve not having his dad around last week my mom called me she started talking about my brother's financial struggles and how he could no longer pay for rent because his work project that he put money got cancelled she suggested that he and his pregnant wife could come and stay at my place for a couple of months till he figured out something she said she has no room for them in her house because she already has her niece staying with her after she and her husband divorced i told her that i couldn't let him live with me after he blatantly told me to get rid of the baby just out of spite and hate for my husband and i told her how hurt i felt and how difficult it was to realize that my son was rejected by him and now he wants to be part of me and my son's life my mom lashed out saying that i should let go of the past and that i just can't refuse to let his pregnant wife in and cause them to be homeless i told her no but she tried to argue and pressure me into saying yes i hung up on her but she kept calling to shame me and guilt trip and say that i was being cruel and selfish info has your brother made any form of grovelling apology since and how was your relationship with him before the accident no he never apologized to me probably because he thought he said this out of concern for my health while my husband was alive my brother wouldn't visit nor attend any family events we host for the family he would always keep a distance then try to blame my husband saying he was driving a wedge between the whole family you are not wrong i don't know your financial situation obviously but you are a new widow with a three-month-old baby you deserve to protect your peaceful home while you grieve and raise your baby alone don't give your brother's plight another thought your brother is responsible for what he said the way you feel about it is not her decision your mum shows poor emotional boundaries here come to think of it your brother lacks respect for personal boundaries in trying to tell you to get rid of your son you are not wrong your brother can't be trusted around your son okay weird title i know basically my nephew has a pretty severe peanut allergy to the point where they carry an epipen around all the time just in case for what i know if he mistakenly eats a peanut or something they have to use the epipen asap my brother drops my nephew off at my parents house pretty randomly most of the time he'll call ahead but sometimes he comes without warning but my parents are usually there and responsible of course when we know my nephew is coming we put away all the peanut products today i do dash some chick-fil-a for lunch not knowing my brother and my nephew were going to stop by i left the chick-fil-a on the dining table while i finished a class and when i walked out i saw my nephew eating one of my nuggets i panicked because i knew that chick-fil-a uses peanut oil to fry their chicken so i ran and told my brother that my nephew ate a chicken nugget that was fried with peanut oil and he immediately used the epipen on my nephew when my brother's wife found out she was furious because apparently peanut oil is refined and therefore my nephew isn't allergic to it so they had just wasted an epipen my brother is blaming me and says i need to pay to replace the epipen since it's my fault it was used but i feel as his dad he should have been aware of what his son was or wasn't allergic to and stopped him from eating something if he wasn't sure he was allergic to it however that was their last epipen and my brother says they can't afford to buy another one i'm young so i do have a job but it's minimum wage and i only have about eight hundred dollars saved and it's part of what i'm saving up for college i can't afford to spend six hundred dollars on an epipen you are not the idiot you were concerned for his safety and alerted his parents of the possible issue it's always better to be safe than sorry sure in hindsight it was a waste of an epipen but better to waste it than not use it when it was actually needed the real idiot here is the pharmaceutical industry for making life-saving medications so expensive if the kid's own father didn't know peanut oil was okay how the heck were you a young relative with no peanut allergy supposed to know it's bad enough that these people are trying to force you into a role of parenting their kid removing all peanut products from your house really and not supervising what their kid eats but thinking you should know more of the allergen details than the kid's father is just entitled sorry no way to describe that level of awfulness you are not wrong can't believe it needs to be said but it's the job of the parents to parent i have a daughter with a peanut allergy we've been told that refined peanut oil is okay but we haven't tried it however you don't just use an epi pen like that he wasn't showing symptoms of anything and after you use the epipen you're supposed to call 9-1-1 the effects only last 15 minutes or so not to mention the side effects of using an epipen unnecessarily there's something weird about this story and not just that the dad didn't know what was going on i grew up in a single-parent household with my mother and my half-sister casey who is seven years younger than me my mother struggled with addiction for the majority of her life and as a result i have no clue who my father is casey's father was also heavily into sugar and only stuck around for three years i basically raised casey i am now 31 and have no desire to have children after spending much of my youth caring for casey casey unfortunately followed in my mother's footsteps in that she began excessively drinking smoking partying etc she enrolled in a university that's known for being a party school but dropped out during her first year after getting pregnant with my niece fourteen weeks into casey's pregnancy we learned that the baby would likely be born with intellectual and physical disabilities i am pro-choice and discussed ending it as an option with casey who at the time refused and assured me that she would love her baby no matter what disability she was born with my niece is now four years old and is non-verbal with pretty severe cognitive delays and motor sensory issues my mother has been sober for about five years and has since come around to help out casey with my niece she feels bad about our poor upbringing and as a result enables casey to continue partying and being an irresponsible parent casey is hardly ever around while my mother is left alone with my niece she's pretty much become my niece's 24 7 caretaker both my mom and sister have asked that i help babysit from time to time but i've politely declined because i know nothing about caring for special needs children i also work a lot so i don't see how they think i would be able to do this recently i learned that my mother is planning to move a few states away as her boyfriend would like to be closer to his family meaning she will no longer be around to help take care of my niece now casey has asked that i become my niece's godmother and that i move back to our hometown and in with her to help out i declined because i know that what she really means is that she would like me to become my niece's primary caretaker she then asked to compromise by having me pay for a home care raid and for assisted living for when my niece turns 18 again i refused my husband and i both have well-paying jobs so technically we could afford it but i'm sick of everyone rewarding casey for her poor choices this resulted in a screaming match between her and i wear in the heat of the moment i told casey that she should have gotten a procedure if she knew she was unwilling to step up and be a mother to a child with special needs now i am receiving daily texts from both her and my mother stating how terrible of a person i am and that if i truly cared about our family that i would help out am i the idiot in context i'm going with you are not the idiot it's a harsh thing to say about any child and i'm fiercely pro-choice but you weren't really saying it about the child you were saying it about the mother making choices you are a little bit wrong in my opinion about saying you know nothing about caring for special needs children because that doesn't matter you could learn if you wanted to but the point is you don't want to babysit and that's fine you don't need an excuse and the one you're using is kind of crappy i'm not interested in babysitting making the time or shouldering casey's poor choices is all you need you should be calling cps like yesterday my mom has actually shockingly taken really good care of my niece it's just that now she is moving away both her and my sister feel like i should be stepping in to help out and i feel like it's not my responsibility my sister has been trying to have a baby for years now in that time my wife and i have had two children the oldest is nearly four and the youngest is approaching two as a result of her fertility struggles she has totally withdrawn from the family removed herself from the family whatsapp group and stopped attending most meetups including birthdays she has had very limited contact with my oldest and no real contact with my youngest it's never bothered me hugely we were never that close and i've sort of understood why she doesn't want too much exposure to kids before my wife became pregnant with ass second i did try and engage with her more to see how she was doing we spoke a bit about her struggles and i was glad our relationship seemed like it might have some future however when we told her many many months later that we were expecting number two she got extremely angry with me and we didn't talk for months anyway a few days ago i get a message from her saying that she is pregnant i immediately congratulate her and tell her i'm happy for her next thing i know she's messaged back saying better brush up on your uncle skills you're going to need them i sort of just look at the message in disbelief the same person that's basically ignored me and my kids for four years is now telling me to brush up on my uncle's skills i decided to ignore for time being no point upsetting a newly pregnant woman then she texts me saying shame global issue has meant she couldn't see the kids as much as she wanted to i felt like saying i didn't realize global issue had kicked off four years ago but again i said nothing later that day she texted my wife she never does this asking casually how the kids are am i wrong for finding this very hard to deal with i am happy for her but deeply resentful at how she treated me and my kids and her expectations that i'm supposed to snap back to normal now she's got what she wanted her interest in us seems so conditional on her own mood i'm not planning on disowning her or anything but i feel like i need at least some acknowledgement that while she's obviously gone through a lot she has been pretty nasty to us that said i don't want to get into a fight with someone in the very early stages of pregnancy speaking as someone who went through years of infertility and failed treatments her withdrawal from the family wasn't about you it was about her and the overwhelmingly devastating feelings of watching people you know get pregnant while you want a child so badly and it's just not happening for you she behaved as she did to protect herself not to hurt you i withhold judgment but would very very much encourage you to try to let go of past resentment and start over with a clean slate hopefully your sister's pregnancy will go well and she'll have a healthy baby which will do much to relieve her of the grief she's been carrying around for years and it is a kind of grief but for someone who doesn't exist yet rather than someone you've lost now that she is no longer weighed down by it she may very well start being the sister you used to know again instead of the sad angry withdrawn person her grief turned her into for a while like okay i have a few questions here my best friend of 23 years straight up told me we can't be friends anymore after i told her i was pregnant she said some horrible things to me i understand she hurts because she and her husband had tried for years but she treated me like i got pregnant to spite her i understand fertility issues and i'm likely projecting my own hurt feelings here but why does this sister get a pass now that she is able to conceive i do agree it depends on how close op wants to be with her but i think she's a bit of an idiot so the situation goes as i 29 male and marrying the love of my life 27 female next may it is pretty much a big deal in the family as this is the first wedding in my generation i also have a sister 27 who i'm not really close to due to us being really different people the reason for it being us reacting very differently to the same childhood traumas but the relationship is not horrible either my sister had a boyfriend 27 for nine years they got together around 16 or something i wasn't really around that time and they had it great for most of the time the guy and i got pretty close as he was with us on all family occasions we shared similar hobbies and he helped a lot in our family issues by simply being there as an independent onlooker altogether for long years are part of the family they eventually broke up almost two years ago which was understandable due to how much people change in such a young age different views on having kids etc it wasn't even a problematic breakup i talked to my sister about keeping in touch with him and she was fairly understanding about it no fuss time passes and turns out my sister left him for a guy 19 years older than her not a big problem she has always had an old person's soul which was not especially cool but whatever i kept in touch with her ex even had better times with him without them being together he handled it great he moved to the same city where i lived became an integral part of my group of friends friends with my fiance all fun and games and now the effective problem i'm organizing my wedding and somehow during a conversation with my family i slipped that i have invited him to the wedding that's when all broke loose my sister simply stated that if he comes she will not my mother said that i'm a traitor to the family because i choose another person instead of my sister who i only talk to a couple of times a year she also threatened me to back out of the wedding financially and emotionally not that much of a problem bloody nuisance though i've told them that my responsibility goes as far as handing them their invites what they do with it is entirely up to them but this is our day and i'm not willing to let anyone guilt trip or blackmail me into choices i don't want to make this has a long story running in the family regarding the event so read it was i right to stand up or should i act along the family's concept i don't think it's valid for that person to say you make the guest list the way i want or i'm not coming and i'm going to tell grandma and she will give me the family castle not you that kind of thing is manipulative and evil and forcing you to choose between certain friends especially when the bad blood is a decade old is unfair to you my only knit with what you've done is i think you should have told both your sister and her ex up front that both of them are invited to the wedding and that you understand if one of them chooses not to come however you are in the right in every other respect you are not the idiot have a good wedding and an awesome marriage for background context my sister is in her 30s she got pregnant a few years ago by a man she had barely been dating for a short while he told her he wasn't interested in being a father and would not be active in the child's life and asked for a termination she accepted to be a single parent and continued on with the pregnancy more background information growing up me and my sister never got along as kids we never played together because we simply did not like each other when she left to college she never called me and she rarely spoke to me when she would come back home i got pregnant at an early age 20. and when i did she told me not to expect sympathy from her since i was a young unwed mother when she was pregnant she was bitter because of the father being absent and took her anger out on me the tables definitely turned current situation she is constantly whining about not having free time to herself and she always needs a break from parenting she basically manipulates my mom and dad to babysit for her because she feels like parenting alone is too much mind you i now have three kids our other sister has three kids and we never get breaks or time to ourselves because this is what we signed up for if my mother does not babysit she calls her out and says she isn't being a good grandma for not wanting to spend time with her granddaughter my mom works full time and she is made to always babysit for my sister because she needs a break this is what really put the nail in the coffin my sister's birthday was recently and she wanted to go out because she needs another break from parenting she asked my mom to babysit of course my mom agreed but told her to pick up her child early the next day around 6am because my mom had something to do at 7am my sister got upset and told her that's too early and she needs more time she said she'd be hungover and doesn't feel like getting up that early so my sister called me and asked if i could babysit instead so she can stay out later the following morning i told her why can't she get up at 6am she should be grateful that her mother is even offering to babysit at all she went on to vent that she never gets time to herself and that she deserves to sleep in and be hungover without waking up early i said i haven't got a break away from my kids in years and that she doesn't deserve special treatment because she's a single mom that she is clearly using her situation to gain sympathy from everyone she hung up and we haven't spoken since am i the idiot not the idiot if she is unhappy about the pickup time then she can pay for a babysitter like normal people i do feel a lot for this kid he is growing up without a dad who didn't want him and a mom who constantly needs a break if it hasn't already that will eventually weigh on him a lot if her kid gets along with yours i'd want to watch him or her more just to give the kid a break from your sister but that's also not your responsibility and you don't owe it to the kid or his mum i just really hope there is one person in this whole scenario that loves the kid unconditionally [Music] you

Channel: XO

Views: 242,918

Rating: 4.8980126 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, reddit stories, ask reddit, askreddit, reddit girl, reddit woman, reddit real voice, r/aita, r/mil, ask guru, reddit sister, reddit narcissist sister, reddit siblings, reddit toxic siblings, reddit toxic brother, reddit toxic sister, reddit pregnancy, reddit pregnant, reddit family, reddit family drama, reddit pregnancy drama, reddit siblings drama

Id: 2lAqGWfUxvc

Length: 19min 1sec (1141 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 16 2020