Future SIL Accused Me Of Flirting With Her BF So I Tell My Brother The Truth & He Breaks Up With Her

i grew up in foster care my parents weren't bad or anything they had died and there was no one to take me so starting at young age i was in the system when i was a bit older i moved into a new home and met my foster brother alan he's two years older than me but we became close he's always been protective of me and after we both aged out we remained close he's been there though everything from walking me down the aisle to being there when i had my baby i consider him to be my only family other than my husband and child recently alan started dating a woman named miranda i was super happy for him and he brought her with him when he visited last i thought she was great she was sweet she was funny she seemed like a great fit for my brother that was until my husband and alan went outside to talk about allen's new car miranda did a complete 180. she started accusing me of wanting to sleep with alan and steal him from her and said the only time a girl calls a guy a brother when they aren't related is when the girl is a witch i can't say i kept my cool i yelled at her that she was not going to disrespect me in my own home and if she was gonna be an insecure witch i doubt my brother would stay with her she tried to yell back but i told her to get out of my house and not to come back she made my brother leave with her he later texted me asking how could i be so rude to his girlfriend and i told him what happened he broke up with her my friends are telling me i'm the idiot for how i spoke to her and i shouldn't have stuck my nose in my brother's relationship more info miranda knew that we were raised together in foster care alan is close to his bio mom and she has met her but asked if i was his dad's child because there were no pictures of me and his mom is latino i look nothing like alan and i'm about as white as they come we told her at dinner that i'm an orphan and we were foster siblings she was also told of how we met and all the typical sibling stories my friends also know how alan and i are related i didn't expect them to be those types of people they 100 know that i have no feelings for alan and i only see him as my brother i want to talk to them further about this because i now see they should have never taken miranda's side she's not a part of our friend group none of us knew her allen met her online from what my brother told me she told him i started attacking her saying she was a witch and telling her no one could have my brother she told him i threw a pan at her and she fled my house my brother didn't believe all of it so he messaged me to ask me about it when i told him what happened he said he'd take care of it and he broke up with her you are not the idiot you helped your brother dodge a bullet yeah whoever's telling op she did the wrong thing is the idiot and of course the girlfriend is a mega idiot everyone needs a person like opie in their life opie you are not wrong you did the right thing and you should be very proud of yourself because you sound like a wonderful friend and sister and i'm sorry for your loss just want to tell you that as a mom i'm very proud of you too i'm 29 female sister-in-law is 46 female so i've been married to my husband for two years but we've been together for eight i have a son from a previous relationship i had him when i was 19 and he is my pride and joy my son has learning disabilities and is borderline autistic and he is the most generous and caring individual i have ever met now my son's father has never had anything to do with our son he terminated his rights the second the dna test came back he pushed for this dna test my husband loves my son and calls him his boy and whatnot my son also often slips up and calls him daddy dan my sister-in-law is obese to a point where it takes her a solid ten minutes to move from her chair and walk anywhere in the house the only time my husband and i have any alone time is when she or my mother-in-law have my son however two weeks ago my husband and i dropped my son off with my mother-in-law so we could have our anniversary dinner we find out a couple hours later that my mother-in-law dropped my son off at my sister-in-law's because she had to run errands she didn't tell us before she dropped him off so i started to freak out especially where i am not comfortable with my sister-in-law having my son for long periods of time due to her being unable to move around freely so if anything were to happen it would take her so long to actually get my boy when we showed up at her house my son was nowhere to be found she tells us he went outside to play 30 minutes prior so i looked through the window and i could not see him anywhere outside they have a 16 acre property that consists of mostly dense forest i panic and run outside to find him i'm screaming his name for a solid 15 minutes and he's not answering it's getting dark at this point by some miracle i hear him yell mom help and i run toward the sound of his voice coming from the forest i find him huddled up in the crevices of a massive tree he said a dog chased him so he climbed up but couldn't get back down i asked him how long he'd been there and he said very long mama so i grab my boy and i go to the house i'm crying hysterically at this point because i was panicking so bad my sister-in-law tells me she had no idea and she thought he was playing at the neighbor's house i told her she's never watching my son again and that she should have gotten off her butt to check on him instead of just assuming he was okay considering it was getting dark out my husband agreed with me though he said i was being rather harsh he understands though because i was panicked my sister-in-law on the other hand told me i was a dumb witch for fat shaming her and refusing access to her favorite child am i wrong not wrong i agree with other commenters there's no fat shaming here she failed to supervise your child properly and he ended up in danger what if the dog had attacked him instead of just chasing him she didn't even help you look for him when it became clear that he wasn't at a neighbor's house her reaction was likely to assuage her own guilt over what happened on her watch she has a disability due to her weight and her limitations make her an unfit caregiver for a child who has opposite needs due to his disability it's not shaming to point that out it's reality and it's you being a good parent for protecting your child i'm 24 female my boyfriend and i have been dating a little over two years i'm not pregnant but we got on the subject of future children since we want to eventually marry and start a family together he wants his first boy to have a family name understandable and for all the kids to take his last name since he's an only child and he wants to continue the family legacy yes he said that almost verbatim and yeah i laughed a little bit because it's a weird thing to say to be honest for the record i already know i'm either gonna hyphenate my name or not change it at all when we marry no shame to women who change their last name it's everyone's own choice i'd like your kids to hyphenate too my boyfriend didn't realize my policy extended to any kids we might have he's really adamant about continuing on his last name for some reason it's an uncommon name but he's not royalty or anything after going in circles about legacy and bloodlines and the family name i eventually told him it's 2020 and we don't live in game of thrones and legacy doesn't mean anything anymore he's been mad at me for disrespecting his family and is saying just because i don't care about my family name doesn't mean he doesn't according to my friends he's being silly but i probably could have been more nice about telling him no you are not wrong i disagree with one of his main points you do care about your family name that's why you want to hyphenate your kids names he seems to think that only men caring about their family name has any value it's interesting that this is you disrespecting his family but he doesn't mind how disrespectful he's being to you and your family my sister 25 and i female 23 were best friends our whole lives did everything together the year after she started dating her now husband 33 she moved out to be closer to him her husband is one of those guys who debates everyone about everything the way it comes off to me is that he's never looking for a common ground or solution to an idea or a problem it just wants to make you feel stupid very rarely had conversations where i walked away seeing him in a positive light while they were dating she would consistently come to me crying because he spoke rudely to her offended her spoke down to her after every fight she seemed resolved to break up but they never did and despite having only dated for one semi-tumultuous year they decided to get married my mother objected to this decision and asked if they would wait at least a year because we needed more time to get to know him and hopefully like him very little effort was made to get us all together and bond also my mom preferred that my sister graduated college first before tying the knot they refused to wait and my mother was uninvited to the wedding it's been a year since they've been married and my sister has tried to reach out and reconnect we all spent three days trying to talk it out and heal things every time we speak to her things go well after we hang up with her she calls back saying her husband doesn't like what happened he's furious and we need to talk again so we go over everything again and it's like he refuses to let us back into her life they subscribe to a form of christianity that we weren't raised with they believe that the husband gets to decide everything in their lives including whether or not she's allowed to come visit us after i patch things up with her again he called me back and said i was no longer allowed to call her phone if i wanted to speak to her i had to call his phone and ask for her i asked him what he wants and he says things like i want you to respect our union i don't know what that means then he said you can't have a good relationship with her unless you have a good relationship with me we are one so i'm supposed to pretend to like him i guess it's like a hostage situation i can tell my dad wants me to open myself up to all this drama again just because she's my sister but i feel like it doesn't matter what i do her husband will always say i can't have a relationship with her and honestly i like her less because she's allowed this to happen and won't stand up for us this is not part of christianity this is cruel he went from grooming her to isolating and controlling her and you have to get her out you don't have to but you sound like you care deeply for her help her set up a hidden bank account and get money into it without him knowing have her put together a go bag with important documents make sure she's not thinking of getting pregnant and is on birth control but most of all be there for her if you have to fake it for now do so and pretend like you like him but she'll need you for when she escapes i know it's hard for you but she does and will need you none is wrong here except for him i'm infertile pcos i 23 female was absolutely devastated i honestly felt like less of a woman because of it i've always wanted to have a baby and now i can't i spent two weeks in bed when i found out it's been a while since being diagnosed still hurts obviously my sister recently had a baby my boyfriend and i had been visiting my mother for her birthday when my sister asked me to change the baby i refused can't change a nappy for the life of me maybe i'm not parent material my mother said well you'll have to get over that soon i expect grand babies from you eventually frustrating whatever my boyfriend reminded her of my infertility went out to dinner everything going well when she once again spoke up when are you two going to give me grandchildren i stood up and left i've since been getting texts from the family about how i was an idiot for embarrassing them like that my mother didn't mean anything by it and all parents make comments like that not the idiot a lot of parents do they give me grandbabies shtick but twice in one evening is excessive doing this at all when she knows you can't bear children is downright horrendous if she doesn't have something like dementia you had every right to excuse yourself from having your open wounds salted i 33 female i'm in a lucky position i own my house outright i bought it with a mortgage seven years ago after several years of savings and after my five-year fixed rate expired i was able to pay off the remainder due to a couple of inheritances and savings from my bonuses and pay rises at work five years ago my long-term best friend and early days boyfriend sam then male 26 passed away shortly after which i discovered i was pregnant i adopted sam's small son and later gave birth to boy and girl twins so it's been an up and down few years my older boy and the twins are still little kids and although their father isn't with us we've built a very happy home the cozy house i originally bought for its solidity and proximity to work is now full of toys and memories and love for just over a year i've been seeing joe 29 male it's been going really well he's funny kind interesting good with my kids joe's normal living situation is that he shares a house with his brother their parents own it but they retired to spain several years ago joe's brother is a nurse so when global stuff kicked off we agreed joe could move in with me for a while so his brother didn't have to worry about transmitting germs to or from his home we soon got into a good routine joe and i have both been working from home splitting our hours so we can both pitch in with child care and homeschooling joe still pays his share of bills at his own place and pitches in with shopping costs at mine my utility bills haven't been noticeably affected by him staying here we've got really close and started some preliminary conversations about possibly making it a more permanent arrangement i thought we were on the same page but then he started talking about getting his name added to the deeds for my house he offered to make a significant payment to make him the part owner edit he offered to pay half the value of the house part up front and pardon installments i don't want to share ownership of the property the security of knowing i can't really lose the house is really important to me and the money that bought the house was for my hard work plus money left to me by my grandmother and sam i feel like the house is a legacy for my children and worry that sharing the ownership with joe would mean that if we broke up i might have to sell and uproot the kids joe says i'm being selfish and controlling that my reluctance to commit financially means i'm not really in the relationship emotionally and i'm denying him his opportunity to get on the property ladder everything's gone so well with us until now it was a huge step for me to bring someone into my family i do tend to be emotionally reserved and take some time to open up but i can't imagine changing my mind about this you are not wrong i agree that's a big red flag especially this soon in a former long-term relationship i agreed to joint banking we'd been together over five years so i thought i could trust him it was the worst mistake i ever made he drained my savings and racked up my credit card set me back years after i left he signed an agreement to a payment plan to return what he owes me three years later he's still paying me i am now a firm believer in keeping separate finances in a relationship if you went into it with your own property keep it that way i have a hard side eye for anyone who says you should agree to something that is a big risk to you but benefit them simply for the sake of trust or emotional connection there are plenty of ways for you to open up which don't involve risking your home ownership update hi everyone thanks for sharing your opinions and perspectives last night after the kids were asleep joe and i sat down and had a long chat about this i explained again why it was important to me to maintain financial control of the house he apologized for calling me selfish and explained a bit more about his circumstances apparently his parents have decided to keep their spain house as a holiday home sell the uk house where joe and his brother have been living and use the proceeds to buy something smaller but nearer to their daughter joe's brother is cool with this as he'd been considering moving into a rented house with a couple of friends anyway joe can't afford to buy his parents house on his own and they'll need full market value for it because joe's sister and brother-in-law live in a much more expensive part of the country so he needs to move anyway and as we were getting along so well he thought he'd bring forward his long-term plan a little by moving in with me and he's a bit wary of living somewhere he has no stake in again i asked what his long-term plan is and he said that within three years he hoped we'd be married with shared assets and he'd adopt the kids although i haven't ruled out the idea of ever getting married i don't feel like it's something i want anytime soon and financial independence would still be important to me even if i was married he said i'm a commitment phobe and if i don't change i'll always be alone i told him the kids and i managed fine before he came along and the four of us would always be able to cope then he said that one of the things that made him uncomfortable in our relationship was how little i need him and if i'm being honest that set off more alarm bells than anything else and he says he thinks i'm still in love with sam and he resents that i talk to the children about sam and show them pictures of him sometimes it's true that anyone i'm in a relationship with needs to be able to cope with the background presence in my life of my best friend the father of my children and a relationship that never had a chance to go sour but i'm not going to stop helping his children remember him however i feel about anyone else and i don't truly believe that this would be a problem if my current relationship was really love so joe and i agreed he should move out and that's the end of us i think we just had very different ideas about where our relationship was and where it was going maybe it was my fault as much as his but i just can't give the ground he wants so it's just me and the kids again i feel pretty cut up about it but i think it's the right thing to do luckily the relationship was young enough when he moved in that we introduced him to the kids as a very good friend who'd be staying for a while rather than some permanent father figure so although they were sad to see him leave so suddenly they've taken it much better than i have and i expect they'll soon be over it

Channel: ASK GURL

Views: 157,127

Keywords: askreddit, r/askreddit, reddit, askwomen, reddit women, askreddit real voice, reddit stories, justnomil, r/aita, r/tifu, reddit sil, reddit temper tantrum, reddit sister in lae, reddit relationship, reddit broke up with sister in law

Id: dX6NKqrqokc

Length: 19min 8sec (1148 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 07 2021