Hey. Thank you so much for joining
us for this message from Fresh Life Church. If you haven't yet,
please take a moment to subscribe to
our YouTube account so you don't miss any of the
new messages as they come. Yeah, do that. Also, we're in this new series
called Yours, Mine, and Ours. It's a relationship series. We're talking marriage,
dating, love, sex, all of the above
and encompassing-- The whole thing. Enjoy this message
from God's word. It is a joy, and an
honor, and a privilege to get to open
God's word with you this weekend, all
across our church. Everyone in Wyoming, everyone
in Oregon, everyone in Utah, and all across
Montana, and online. We're so thankful
to be here with you. And I am week two of this
series, Yours, Mine, and Ours, and I was so
encouraged, last week, as my husband spoke on this
topic of sex, and love, and dating, and relationships. And I-- in this
message, this weekend, I want to talk more to the
married side of things. A few weeks back, I was
invited by a friend of mine to a dinner party. And in that invitation, it said
your "capital S-O is inviting-- is invited, also." And it just took me a while
to think, OK, what is S O? Maybe, she's really excited,
and said you are so invited, but she put the is
in the wrong place. But then I realized what she
meant was significant other. Oh, OK, significant other. I realized that,
but then looking into what that acronym
also stands out, and means for different things, is
special order, sold out, special operations, symphony
orchestra, shout out, sheriff's office, Shaquille
O'Neal, star ocean, system overload, school's
out, step off, shipping order. There was literally
like hundreds of things that S-O stood for,
and what I want to talk about this weekend
is your significant other. I've entitled this
message BYOSO. Bring your own
significant other. Because, well, anyways. But I just want to
talk, specifically, about your significant
other in marriage. And I know sometimes when
you're dating, or engaged, you call your person
your significant other. But what I want
to talk about is, something that has
really been something that I have been learning. That I have learned and
what it means to find the significance in your other. Kind of the big idea of
this talk, of this message, is when we choose to see
the significance in us, and in our significant
other, we will grow together in our purpose and our power. When we choose to
see the significance in us, and in our
significant other, we will grow together in
our purpose and our power. And I just want to start
at the very beginning, and that's always a
good place to start. So in Genesis 2, I'm focusing
on a few different verses and it's kind of random. I would encourage you
just to read through. It's just beautiful
to see the beginning, and kind of the original design
of our Earth, and who we are and who God made us to be
in marriage and everything. But, let's start in Genesis
2 verse 7, where it says, "Then the Lord God formed a man
from the dust of the ground, and breathed into his
nostrils the breath of life. And the man became
a living being. Now, the Lord God
had planted a garden, and there He put the
man He had formed." Verse 15, "The Lord
God took the man and put him in the
Garden of Eden to work it and to take care of it." Verse 18, "Then, the Lord God
said, 'It is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper
suitable for him.'" Verse 21, "So the Lord God caused the man
to fall into a deep sleep. " My husband likes to say this
is the first gift that God gave to man. It makes sense because
that is definitely a gift. "And while he was sleeping,
He took one of the man's ribs, and then closed up
the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made
a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man,
and He brought her to the man." Verse 24, "That is why a man
leaves his father and mother, and is united to his wife,
and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both
naked, and they felt no shame." There's a lot in
these verses, but one of the things that it brings
up is our significance. For you, looking at who you are. Our first point that we're
going to look at and unpack here is, number one, understand
the significance of you. Understand the
significance of you. This is so weird to me that
God made man from dirt. And I don't know
why, except that I do know that God is creative. And I do know that God loves to
make something out of nothing and He excels in that. I do know that He is a designer
that He is a fashion designer. It's in these words. In their original wording,
and original language, it says that God
fashioned the man, that God fashioned the woman. And He is a fashion designer. He is the master builder, and
He loves beautiful things, and He excellently
builds things. This is who He is. This is our God. He is our God, our
creator, our builder. But this is so weird to me,
because He made man from dirt and He made a woman
from the man's rib. And that is so weird. And I love this is kind
of like the OG, DIY. Like the original
gangster, do it yourself, create something out of
nothing, and then post it on the internet. But something significant made
from something insignificant. From dirt to a human being. From nothing to something. And this is so
interesting to me. If there's anyone
scientific in here, you'll probably catch me
saying something wrong, so I apologize. The elements that make up dirt,
are carbon, oxygen, nitrogen, phosphorous, sodium, iron,
copper, and hydrogen. And there's probably
other things also, but the elements that make
up a human are very similar. Oxygen, and carbon,
hydrogen, nitrogen, and there's phosphorus,
and calcium. But I have here some dirt that
probably has other things in it as well. But, I am honestly
looking at dirt, amazed, that God would even
think, hey, maybe I should just put
some of this dirt together, and then make this
human being that is so complex. If you're a student
in school, and you're learning about biology, and
the human body, and anatomy, and I didn't consider
the dirt that would be getting in my
nails, but it is amazing how God made our bodies. But how He made our bodies
from something so insignificant as dirt blows my mind, and
shows us, and shows me, and should remind you,
that God created you, and that you have significance
because of that very same thing. I love so much. That God made woman
out of a man's rib. For me, one of my
favorite places to be is right next to Levi's side. And I love so much when we're
in even a big crowd of people, or he comes up and just
puts his arm around me, and I fit perfectly,
right there, next to him. I belong there. Matthew Henry, he
said, "She was not made out of his head
to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be
trampled by him, but out of his side to be
equal with him. Under his arm to be
protected, and near his heart to be loved." And I love that so much. That God designed
us so beautifully. Who are you? You are created by God. You are beautifully
created, beautifully made, uniquely made, there is actually
no other person like you. You're the only you. You're the only one. And God made you. There's nothing
special about dirt. I mean, it helps things
grow, and I guess you have to put plants in it. There is something
good about it, but there isn't anything
super special about it. But when God took some
dirt, and breathed into it, that is what made it special. So God's breath on you,
God's breath in you, is what makes you significant. You become a work of art
when God breathes in you. You become the masterpiece
that God designed you to be. And it's not
surprising, actually, that most of the human body's
mass is made up of oxygen, and that's God's breath in us. Our significance comes from
the very breath of God. Ephesians 2:10 says, "For
we are God's masterpiece. He has created us
anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things
he planned for us long ago." In 1st Corinthians
3:9 says, "For we are God's fellow workers,
you are God's field, you are God's building. Do you not know that you
are the temple of God, and that the spirit
of God dwells in you?" I've been reading in Exodus
and it's really interesting to see how much detail and
design went into building God's temple, the church. And build-- and even
creating the clothing that the priests wore. And I love so much that
God put so much detail into building up the temple. But how much more is He
into, and excited about, the detail of who you
are, and building you up. You are God's temple. The Holy Spirit
lives within you. And this brings me to this
point of understanding the significance of you. This is so important
for us in our house. Being a part of this house,
being a part of this church, not just coming
in on the weekend, and sitting, and listening,
and watching, and observing, and maybe judging, and
being critical, but coming and serving, and being a part. And intertwining your life with
other people in this house, so that there is that
growth, and that strength, and that accountability that
comes from being planted in the house and knit together. And that crash course
is such a beautiful way for that to happen. For you to get on a team
which is so amazing. For you to find out
more of who you are. And one of the things that
we do that, I love so much, is that we provide
space for you to take personality tests, and kind
of figure out who you are. And I am not an enneagram guru. I don't know all the things. We have some people on
our staff who love it and I'm very thankful for that. But I'm, right now,
learning more of who I am, of being a number
nine peacemaker. And I was literally
even just reading more about me, and who I am,
and everything lines up so perfectly. And then even seeing how
that, not compares with, but complements my husband,
who is a number three achiever. It's just so important for
us to be learning who we are. Because, if you can actually
be going through life, and I honestly feel like
I've I spent a lot of my life not knowing who I was, or
knowing who I was but feeling bad because I was a certain
way, and other people were a different way, and when you
can understand, and lean in to the gifts that
God's given you, and the things that
God's put inside you, you actually see the beauty
of that with other people. And it's not you
being against them, it's how God blends us
together in our gifts, and our strengths, together. And it's so beautiful. And I just want to encourage
you, if you aren't on a team, if you're not in a small
group, would you please connect with your campus pastor. Find an impact team
leader, and just take that next step of getting
involved, and keep showing up, is the most important thing. But this stuff is
game-changing, as we learn that we are actually
so significant and so important and so valued by God. It's so important. Number two, it's so
important for us, in our married relationships,
but also in life, to choose to see the
significance of your SO, or your significant other. To choose to see
the significance of your significant other. You actually have a
choice as to what you see. I think so many of
us, and me included, when you look at your spouse,
when you look at people, when you look at the
world around you, you just see the negative. Because, I think,
that's the easy route. That's the easy way to go. You see something, and you
immediately find the flaws. You meet immediately see
the pimple on her face, immediately see
the untucked shirt, and the grungy pants
showing half the guys butt. I think we automatically
see the negative. And, I think, it's so important
to know that you actually have a choice, and you
don't have to choose to see only the faults. Only the negative. But you can choose to
see the significant. To maybe go back to when you
first noticed each other, when you first fell in love. And for Levi and
I, when we first met, that day in
student ministries, and we were setting
up chairs, and we both looked at each other,
and that was like, we noticed each other. Maybe you need to go back
to those early days, if you feel like maybe you've
lost that loving feeling. And you need to
go back, and just remember why you were even
attracted in the first place. What was it about
them that made them so exceptional, and so
special, and so amazing, and so beautiful? One thing that I have been
learning and growing in, that I want to
share with you, is being an expert in your spouse. And I have, on my
Evernote, a little note that says, "My Levi
Aaron Lusko expert file." When he sends me something
he loves, I put it in there. When he tells me something,
I put it in there. I try to just be
observing, and watching, and trying to figure out the
things that make him tick, and the things he loves, because
I want to be a Levi Aaron Lusko expert. And I want to encourage
all of us who are married to be an expert of your spouse. To be an expert of your
wife or your husband. To choose to see the good. To choose to encourage. To choose to love. To choose as, Alex Seeley
says in her book, Tailor Made, she says, "To speak to the
king, and not to the fool." To one person. And we all have a king or
queen in us, or the fool. And we can choose to speak life. We can choose to speak
up, and to bring them up to speak to the king,
not to the fool. Philippians 2:3
says, "Do nothing from selfishness
or empty conceit, but with humility of
mind let each of you regard one another as more
important than himself." And this is not disregarding
your thoughts, and your hopes, and your dreams. This is elevating the person
in your life to honor them, and to think well of
them, and to lift them up. And not diminishing you, and
not tearing yourself down. It's that meekness. It's that strength
under control. It's that being able to lift
up someone else without pouring contempt on yourself. Your spouse is significant. Choose to see it. And if you're having a hard
time with that, ask God. He'll show you. And just look and see. And a way to do that, too,
is just looking at yourself, with true humility,
and realizing, what are the things
that I deal with? What are my faults? What do I need to deal with? And that is so important to
be looking at your own faults, and not theirs. I love how Martin
Luther called marriage a school for character,
and that is so true. As we're learning
and growing together, you're learning
more about yourself. All the good, the bad,
and the ugly, and you're learning about your spouse. The third thing that I
want to focus on this week is love the significance
of your role. So I want you to understand
the significance of you. To choose to see the
significance in your spouse, but also, love the
significance of your role. See what you get to be a
part of in this marriage, and see that role differently. Look at your role. Choose to see it differently. You can't change your spouse. You can't change them at all,
but you can change yourself. You can change
your attitude, you can change your spirit from a
sour spirit to a sweet spirit. And you have the responsibility
for your own life. You can grow to be the very
best wife that you can be. That's something that
I learned in the book, and I've said it
probably every time I talk about relationships. Linda Dillow wrote
a book, What's It Like To Be Married To Me?
and it's those questions, where you are pointing
not the finger outward, you're pointing the finger
inward, and you're asking, how can I be the best
wife that I can be? How can I be the best
husband that I can be? Love the significance
of your role. Number one. So this is like a sub point. Love the significance of
your role, on your own. Galatians 6:5 says, "Each of
you must take responsibility for doing the creative best
you can with your own life." Take responsibility to do
the creative best that you can do with your own life. And when you are becoming
the best spouse you can be, you are automatically
going to start seeing the best in your
spouse, and encouraging that. Colossians 3:17 says,
"And whatever you do, whether by speech or
action, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus,
giving thanks to God the Father through him." And this verse here, that I'm
bringing up next, As For Me. This is Psalm 26, verses 11
through 12, and this is so key. I love throughout the Psalms
David will say, but as for me, he's maybe focusing on
his enemies and like man and my enemies are
da,da,da,da,da. I hate them. I hate them. They're bluh. But as for me, I
will serve the Lord. But as for me, I will
walk with the Lord. Psalm 26 says, "But as for me,
I shall walk in my integrity. Redeem me, and be
gracious to me. My foot stands on a level place. In the congregations, I
shall bless the Lord." So we have to be at a place,
spouses, married people, where we say, "As for me." And I realize, that in a
church with so many people, that there may be some who
have unbelieving spouses, unbelieving husbands,
unbelieving wives. And I think for us
to remember that we have to choose, first and
foremost, our relationship with Jesus. To be satisfied with Him. To be seeking Him first. To be allowing Him to
meet our deepest needs. And then we can be in a place
where, like the Bible says, it's the kindness of the Lord
that leads us to repentance. But for us to be showing
that kindness and that love of the Father to our
spouse who may not believe, you never know what is going
on inside their hearts. So keep praying, keep
loving, keep investing, keep being the strongest
spouse that you can be. As your spouse is on a journey
as well, as we all are. But just don't give up. I just want to
encourage you with that. The second sub point under love
the significance of your role is your role together. Your role as man and wife
together is so significant. In verse 24 in
Genesis 2 it said, "That is why a man leaves
his father and mother and is united with his wife,
and they become one flesh." And I love this word unity. In the Hebrew,
it's to be united. To designate exclusively. To concentrate fully. So united is coming together,
exclusively, with no one else in the mix. It's a concentrated
relationship. It's a concentrated
effort, and I love this. In our home, Levi and I
talk about the same team. When we're arguing,
or we have an issue, we remind each other we
are on the same team. That's unity. We are on the same ship. This is not battleship where we
are trying to sink each other. This is us in the same
ship, doing life together, and we're fighting
forward together. Matthew 19:5, Jesus
is talking about, it says, "At the
beginning the creator made them male and female. For this reason, a man will
leave his father and mother, and be united to his wife, and
the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer
two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined
together, let no one separate." What God has joined together,
let no one separate. My husband last week mentioned
sex inside of marriage, and that saying I give myself
exclusively, and completely, to you. I belong. You're saying I
belong completely, and exclusively to you. I wanted to show you
a picture of a rib. And this, apparently, is what
God made the woman out of. He just decided to
take it out and fashion a woman with some curviness. There she goes. But what I love
so much when I saw this picture is that
it's half of a heart. And I just, in my
mind, picture as God designs us to come together,
and we make a heart together, I love that picture that we come
together that we are one flesh. And I love that so much. And just talking about
sex within marriage. It's such a gift. And this sexual love
ought to be enriching. And like Levi was
talking about last week, of the excitement of it,
and the newness of it, and being outside of marriage,
and doing whatever you want. Sex is meant to be enjoyed
by one man and one woman for one lifetime. And there's such a beauty
of growing in that, and it should be
enriching, and it should be something that is all
about giving, and not taking. And I love so much
that it says in Genesis that, Adam and Eve,
they were both naked and they felt no shame. They were both naked
and they felt no shame. And as you read this, that's
the end of the chapter. And the beginning
of the next chapter talks about, and then the snake. And you just, there's
the change, and the turn. But God's OG design for us was
to walk naked and unashamed. And just that idea,
Christine Cain talks about this, but that
idea of being unashamed. Being fully open, fully
vulnerable, fully intimate, no shame. Can you even imagine being in
a place where there's no shame, there's no guilt? You're just walking
naked with your spouse in this beautiful garden
that God designed, and literally that's
what we were meant for. To walk together with God. Everything open and out. Nothing hidden. Nothing secret. Nothing shameful. But walking in that intimacy. Vulnerability is
the key to intimacy. And to be able to be in a place
where you can share everything. Where you can share
what matters to you. Where you can be vulnerable,
and share your dreams, and be honest of all the
things that are in your heart, and ask those hard questions,
and ask your spouse what their dreams are, and
what their heart is, and where they are. That is intimacy. To share, to listen, with
your significant other. To find that significance
of your role together. And I want to kind of wrap this
up here talking about conflict. Talking about
conflict in marriage. Which is very difficult.
If you are married, you know that
conflict is so hard. But what I want to talk
about, and kind of maybe switch your perspective,
switch your thinking, is that conflict is
actually really important. Conflict is so important. If we are on the same team,
we have to think differently about conflict. We have to kind of change
our perspective here. Conflict is actually necessary
and needed for growth. Conflict is necessary
and needed for growth. The word conflict means to come
into collision or disagreement with. To be contradictory,
or in opposition. To clash, to fight, or
contend, to do battle, to fight, to struggle,
especially a prolonged struggle. Strife, controversy,
quarreling, discord of action, striking together, collision. And that is when you are
married, conflict is collision, conflict is clashing, I am
number nine, I am a peacemaker. I don't like conflict. I hate conflict. But it's actually so important. Marriage is kind
of like Fortnite. And if you are into
Fortnite I will probably say things that are
incorrect and I am sorry but I'm trying to
speak your language. Apparently, you get dropped into
an unknown land of treachery, and darkness, and difficulty,
and incoming storms, that make your world
actually close in on you. And so your world is getting
tighter, and tighter, more closed in. And so you actually have to
run into your opponents more, and you have to
contend with them, and you have to fight with them,
and the battle is against them. And marriage is
so much like that where it starts off like the
possibilities are endless. This is amazing. We get to have a
sleepover every night. Naked and unashamed. This is awesome. And then the world slowly
starts coming in on you when conflict
happens, and you don't know how to deal with conflict. Because that is one
thing that I want to tell young people who are
not married, deal with conflict. Know how to deal with conflict,
because as you do that, you are preparing yourself
for your future relationships, for your future marriage. You need to know how
to deal with conflict, not to run from
the conversation. Not to hide, not to flee,
but to be vulnerable, and to talk it out, and to
come to conclusions together. But apparently, in
this Fortnite game, the goal is that there's
one man standing who has killed everybody off, who
is now in this small tiny world all alone. But the goal in marriage, which
is the opposite of this now, is that the goal is that
you come through together. You come through
the incoming storms, you come through
the conflict, you come through the difficulty,
you come through the challenges together. And Levi and I always say at
the end of a fight, we'll say, let's never fight again. But we know that there's
going to be another fight. We know that there's going
to be another conflict. We know that there's
going to be another issue. But our heart is that we won't. Our heart is that we want
to come through shining. We don't want to fight
like this, we hate it. But it's what happens
on the other side that makes us stronger, and
causes us to cling more tightly to each other, and
to realize that we are not against each other. We are not fighting
against each other. We actually have a real enemy
who wants to take us out. We have an enemy who
wants to divide us. Who wants to put
children in between us, and credit cards in between
us, and all of these things. To take us out because
He knows that us, that Levi and Jennie together,
is so much better and so much stronger than apart. And so for all of
us this weekend, I want to encourage all
of our married couples. You're better together. And there is
significance in you, and there is significance
in your spouse. And you have to
choose to see that. And there is significance
in your role together. Individually, yes, but
together, as God's called you to reach a world who
needs to know the gospel, who needs to know that Jesus loves
them desperately, and has a plan for their life, and who
has his best in store for them. And as we close here,
our ultimate role is a loving and
intimate relationship between Christ and his church. Our ultimate role
as a married couple is to show the beautiful
picture of Jesus and the church. And how many, I mean, how
many times, I know for me, I have couples in my mind
who I look to, and I say, they're a beautiful picture
of Jesus in the church. They're not perfect. They have issues. But the way they
love each other, the way they work
through things together, the way they honor one
another is so beautiful and that is the point, honestly. That is the point. Our marriage points to
the greater marriage that's going to happen
in the future of Jesus marrying his bride, the church. And that's who we are. We're his bride,
and there's going to be a marriage
supper of the Lamb where we get to celebrate,
and be reunited, and be with Jesus forever. We get to be with
Him face to face. There's no saying goodbye. There's no death, there's no
sorrow, there's no sadness. There's celebration for
the rest of our lives, in heaven, together,
because of Jesus. And I just want to take a
moment now, and pray together. I just want to speak
before we pray. I want to speak, specifically,
to married couples in our church. And I am so, so, thankful
to be a part of a church where we see marriages restored. Where we see marriage
is strengthened. Where we see people meeting
each other and getting married. We live in a healthy,
beautiful church where we get to see these
kinds of things happen. And I know also that there
are so many of us here who are hurting within marriage. Who are having a hard time
connecting with their spouse, having a hard time
working through conflict, and I just want
to encourage you. Just as God made
humans out of dirt, He made something
out of nothing. God can bring to life
something that seems dead. God can bring something
out of nothing. He can bring life
to your marriage. If you're married, would
you grab your spouse's hand and hold it tight, squeeze it. I just want to pray for you. Father, I pray for every
single married couple all across our church. And I'm so, so,
thankful that they're here right now, together,
holding hands, here in church. And I just pray over them. I pray over those who are
struggling, who are hurting, who are having a difficult
time in their marriage. God, I pray that even right
now, that their hearts would be softened. That maybe the tenseness
in their shoulders would just kind of go away. And that they would see
that all of this strife, and all of this clashing, and
all of this confrontation, and conflict-- In all of that there is the
potential of great strength. There is the potential of great
love, of great vulnerability. And I pray that over every
married couple who are hurting. And I pray for just every
married couple, in general. I just pray for an
increased awareness. Individually, of
their significance, of who you created them to be,
of their individual amazing personality, fun, who
they are, but also the significance
of their spouse. I pray that you would
just open all of our eyes to see the beauty, and
the worth, and the power, and the wonder of the
person that we sleep next to every night. And I pray that
they would be aware. Lord, right now, open their eyes
to see the beauty of their role together. That they get the opportunity. The special, unique
opportunity to be a picture of Jesus and the church. To be a picture of God's grace. To be a picture of your love. And I want to pray
over married couples, but whose spouse isn't standing
next to them right now. For whatever reason it is. Maybe, their spouse is on a
trip and wants to be here, but can't. And maybe for those
whose spouse is at home, and doesn't want to be
a part of the church and doesn't want to have
anything to do with Jesus. I pray for those
sitting here now. That you would give
them a renewed vision. That you give them
a renewed strength. That you would show them
just as they're on a journey, so is their spouse. That they wouldn't give up. That they wouldn't give
up praying for them, they wouldn't give
up encouraging them, that they wouldn't
give up inviting them. Give them boldness and courage
in this season that they're in, and I pray for their spouse,
that their heart would be softened. That they would give
their heart to you, Jesus. And I pray for every person. Single, old, young,
that they would see these things of what
a marriage is, and desire your best for their lives. That they would wait for the
person that you have for them. That they would see
the beauty of marriage, and not see just the
negative, the heartache. Maybe their parents
got divorced, or all of the heartache that
this world offers and gives, and even within the church,
the heartache that there is. I pray that they would
see that there is hope, and that there's beauty
even within the hard stuff. And now, if you find yourself
in a place where you don't know Jesus, or you don't have
that relationship with Jesus. I want to give
you an opportunity to give your life to Him. To be part of the
bride of Christ, and in that relationship
of, this is the church. This is who we get
to be before Jesus. And God so loved
us, God so loved us, that He sent His son,
Jesus, from Heaven to Earth. To live a perfect life,
to die a sinless death, and to rise again from the dead,
giving us that resurrection power. And if that's you,
if you don't have that relationship with Jesus, I
want give to you an opportunity right now to ask and to pray. It's all about your heart of
faith before God saying, God, I need you. I need Jesus. I need a Savior. I can't do this on my own. I can't save myself. And so I want to
give you a prayer that you can say after me. I'm going to have the whole
church say it with me. You can say, "Dear God, I
know that I have sinned. I know that I've messed up, and
I know that I can't fix myself. But I believe that Jesus
came to die and rise again, so that I could have life. So that I could start new. And I give my life to Jesus." And it's in Jesus'
name we pray, amen. Amen.
