Book Release w/ Chacho Taylor | We Built An Empire Ep. 39

an interaction you had with your father but at that moment like he had been in either a fight or something and he had been stabbed like through his hand and fell are you listening damn things are good uh I have just been I've been I've been working a ton uh and had to drive out here to Bayfield and uh actually to Durango and I was dropping off a big sign for uh for a show I designed this happening in September and uh I thought man I gotta I gotta stop by and see Kyle I'm just gonna make it a regular thing if I'm around I'm gonna see if that was all good when you hit me up I was like oh yeah oh yeah yeah let's do this so happy Father's Day yeah and uh and thank you for meeting me on Father's Day I thought man how selfish of me to ask for for this on on fathers but I appreciate it yeah it's all good man it's uh yeah definitely kindred spirit there'll be a lot of people that would might hit me up and I'd be like ah man let's push it out the next week but I was like I was like I can't wait to catch up so it was good man um yeah I'm I'm super super glad to have you back on the show and and as you get closer to you know near that launch of the book it's like I I keep reading little little excerpts and selfishly like I thought about this the other day so like I mean obviously you and I are friends we talk on a personal level but you know when we try and you know support each other as best we can and I started listening again going back through some of the stories and I'm like hold on I'm like I almost want to be I want to be in the same time frame as everybody else like right so it's weird like I know that I could go listen to the to the excerpts that are that are on Spotify and I have the book I've got it right there it lives in Breeze here yeah I could read it but I'm like I keep asking him when are we going to release you know and it's like selfishly I I want to actually read and digest the book at the same time that everybody else gets the opportunity to right yeah so it's like I've been you know like I'll be like I shouldn't listen to this I just and it's it's a weird deal but I was thinking about it the other day because you put up uh you put up this reel and it like hey the The Cinematic way that you did it was was awesome like the angle cut that you had like the way that you're recording yourself talking through these stories and giving people that con you know contextual like feeling to how it like you know it's it's in black and gray and it's like you're talking like softly and it's like you but it would like that story you put up the other day was like I came across them like thumbing through Instagram I'm like all right here's Joshua what do you got going on let me see what's going on and you're like talking about an interaction you had with your father but at that moment like he had been in either a fight or something and he had been stabbed like through his hand and it like at least in the real obviously it's 30 seconds man I know the story is probably right could be an hour if you want to make it right it like went through his hand and came towards his face or hit him in the eye and I'm just again dude like I you know when we first talked on the show like we didn't know each other from Adam I was trying to learn who you were and it's like you know are we a good fit do we have chemistry and clearly we do because you know we we have continued that relationship like building that relationship you know off camera and I hear this and I'm like dude there is so many layers to chacho like I mean it's not just like I mean you're one of the nicest human beings I've personally ever met my life but then I hear you say these stories and and hear you articulate them in the way that you remember them or the way that they were and I'm like god dude this guy just has like it's like it's like a [ __ ] onion and we're just peeing everything is like you're peeling the back you're like I didn't know that about you that's so crazy so when you were like hey can I come on and I was like and I had just watched that reel I was like yeah I want to talk to you about that moment because it was like it was wild so take me take me into that like okay let's let's dive into that reel so uh so as a child I spent a lot of time back and forth between my grandparents and my my parents um and very quickly it ended up being a lot more of my grandparents um and then to the point where my mom would visit my dad would visit that type of thing um never through courts nothing like that my grandmother just kind of took charge and the reason was is that my parents were terrible drug addicts they're addicted to heroin and uh they call it you know the Golden Arm right and so literally their mission in life was to was to stick a needle in their arm and uh and everything revolved around that there's two they loved each other like crazy they did love us but they really weren't productive for us and and they chased a high right and so those were my parents that that's that's what I was born with born too and uh it's really sad and I see this in the world the the most beautiful people are you you know are destroyed by drugs alcohol um violence you know things it just seems to be like these beautiful amazing people it can be attacked by this destructive force and I know they weren't victims they made their decisions they made their choices but that's who my parents were and they were amazing all at the same time and so I say that to say that my dad was a really beautiful man he really was like he loved with every bit of his heart and uh he loved me and my brother like I remember seeing him with my brother like when he was a baby to getting older I remember him with me I remember how it felt to be around him and uh and it was tough sometimes too because he'd hugged me and he'd smell of alcohol and uh and I could feel that Vibe and it was almost like there was this evil presence but that was something that he would ingest that he would take in himself um untampered was amazing and I got a few moments of that not a ton and so there were probably two people three people in the world that my dad loved most now it's my brother my mom and me uh my mom was in it with him my brother is a baby so this night came that my dad and his brother went out and uh you know they were like that old school version of thugs they really were and and getting into fights and doing that was a regular thing and getting into gun fights or getting like that was in out of the norm for these two and so they went to a bar and uh a guy started talking trash to my dad and so my dad had a thing that he would play with his mustache whenever he felt like there was an issue and it was just a way to keep his guard up but he would he would play with it and he had this big red mustache full-man shoe like big walrus mustache and he'd play with it and he you know and if there's an issue and from there he would cause an attack and so as this man was talking to him and being aggressive with him and he knew something was happening to happen he started to play with his mustache in that same way while this man and usually my dad would attack first and that was his whole Mantra he taught me that you always hit first right this guy got to jump on him and so when you got to jump on him he came overhead to stab him with a knife and my dad luckily had his hand here and stuck his hand up in front of his head well when he did that the knife went through his palm came out the backside and into his eye literally stabbed him in the eye didn't hit his eyeball though so somehow he got stabbed in the eye and was not blinded uh from what my uncle saw he just saw his brother get stabbed through the hand and into the face into the eye and lost it so he attacks the guy the guy starts to run out of the bar has no no longer has a knife in his hand my uncle now has it somehow nope I don't know how that occurred but it did my uncle chases him out to the middle of the road on the island in the middle of the road tackles him down and stabs this man over 20 times in the street everybody sees it happen my dad runs out they get in their car they leave they go to Santa Cruz so they're in in Espanola Santa Cruz is a little I guess you would say suburb but it's a town it's connected espanol and it's it's tiny mostly dirt roads still to this day so they get to Santa Cruz my mom's there and she panics because my dad is stabbed through the hand and also in in the eye and she thinks something's wrong he says I'm fine I can see refuses to go to the hospital so my mom goes and picks me up so that me and I might have been eight so that I can go and talk to my dad and talk him into going to the hospital this was the whole purpose so I'm prepped as we're driving over there my mom's saying just tell your dad you love him and that you want him to go and ask him to go and don't stop asking until he goes and uh and so we get there and again man I remember these places and I think that he was maybe at one of his cousins houses or whoever it was but always dark and uh it's because these rural towns they don't have street lights um there was no Lighting on the outside of this house you know these people are poor it's just you know a little Adobe Shack almost and so I walked down these stairs and we open the door and I walk into the house and it's dark in there and he's sitting there smoking a cigarette he has his hand wrapped up and it's blood and he has something covering his eye and I see his blood so in my head he's lost his eye and and you know this is severe and he's probably gonna die that's just really what I'm thinking and I'm sure my mom was drinking she may be high whatever so she's heightened in the situation and so this is what I walk into as this eight-year-old little boy and I'm the only rational person in the room because I'm I'm now going to take charge and talk to this grown man my father into going to the hospital and so as I sit there and I'm playing with him to go to the hospital at first it's a short answer and it's just no I'm okay and I'm dead inside but I do my job Dad please for me go to the hospital please Daddy come on let's go to the hospital and he says I'm okay and so I did ask him can you see like is your eye there I remember saying is your eye there and these yes and Sarah I'm okay it didn't it didn't hurt me like that I'm okay and so I said then why can't we go to the hospital and he said hito and so he tells me the story and I remember this story from his lips and so he goes through everything that happened and how this guy got the drop on him and he stabbed him to the hand and how his brother and he explains to me that's why I cannot go to the hospital because we think that your Uncle Teddy killed him and if we go to the hospital they will link it to him so I can't go and I'm not gonna go and uh it was it's interesting to me now but I actually understood exactly what he was saying and I understood that that was time to stop asking he wasn't going to go because he wasn't going to do anything that was going to hurt his brother and it wasn't going to be him and so instead of leaving it there he turned it into a teaching moment and chose to remind me that if anyone ever wanted to hurt me I was to hit hard I was to hit first and not stop till I knew they would never come back and uh and I took that to heart because this was what I was looking at his injuries what what he had just gone through that was the alternative to this and so that stuck in my head and I realized that the best way to take care of yourself was to be on the offensive and if you felt like you were in danger be the first to strike and make sure that when you did it counted and that they would never want to come back and he said this and he would tell me time and time again there's nothing worse than to walk into a room and someone you've dealt with you have to deal with again so you make sure that when you walk in a room they walk out that's the impression you leave them with and you make sure that stays like that forever and uh or they're just not in rooms anymore of course my dad was never advising me to kill anyone sure but he didn't have an issue with those things and man Northern New Mexico at that point in time that was a wild wild west and especially that was like it was like a heroin vein so Santa Cruz shimayo Espanola all the way up in the Taos going further into Northern New Mexico I mean even Albuquerque and nowadays Albuquerque is super tough with all kinds of different issues but back then it wasn't much easier and so this was the life he was living and he was teaching me how to survive in that life and now that I've grown up I mean I mean he never graduated from high school I graduated from high school he never went to college never even probably never even stepped on a campus right I graduated from college uh I don't ever remember him he was a plasterer and he would work sometimes but I don't remember him having a consistent job I've built a whole career so there's all these things all these lights that I've lived since that moment my dad died when he was 34. I've outlived him by many years at this point I could literally give him advice so that's why I say like he was teaching me from the perspective of what he thought life was but it literally was just his world right life wasn't that way in every aspect and as a child I thought well that's life also but then as I grew and I learned I learned that man there's all this exploration there's all these things we can learn there's these these opportunities in ways we could be but the interesting thing was is that those things that I learned from him at that point I carried with me into those other worlds which no I wasn't an idiot like I wasn't getting into a work argument and beating people up or anything like that but I also would never fit in the same way because I wasn't from their world sure I was in their world that that's it I was I was in their world but I wasn't from their world yeah and I think that's what's made me different I think it's given me a lot of advantages and I think it's made things harder um and that was that story and you know and that's that's how they rolled and he did he healed fine his eye was fine his hand healed fine and uh my uncle was never caught and the man that was stabbed never died he actually lived and uh and and he never messed with my dad or his brother again either so it's that that's definitely the Mantra of the book at least for this this chapter right you know um of this series you know hit hard hit first and don't stop and so from from that being sort of really you know driven into you or taught into you at your core was this that that kind of Pinnacle Moment Like This this instant of seeing this and having your dad kind of turn this like sort of horrific thing for you know an eight-year-old into maybe what he felt is positive at that time was this that moment that like really instilled in you like hit hard hit first and don't stop or was was was this like I think that's straw has it has had it already been being built into you or was like this the moment that you remember the most being like hey this is it hit hard hit first and don't stop I think that that was one of the earlier times but it was combined with fear that time fear that you were gonna lose your dad fear that I could be in the same situation and the same thing could happen to me um I could see that he was strong I didn't think I was going to lose him and to be completely honest from a very young age I knew that I would get the news that my dad had passed and it would be within a short amount you just understood his lifestyle or that was something that I just it was it's kind of thought no I just I could see it I mean there is too many close calls from overdoses to flipped cars on the highway to to Violent acts and fighting to um gun I mean look when when I was a little boy like I think even a little younger around the same age um we had this little apartment or you know it was a small house and uh we're hanging out I'm with my mom and I'm with my dad and it was a chill night no drama was happening nothing was occurring we're laying down my mom loved to watch movies so she always wanted to watch a movie and it was around the time where we were you know people had VCRs so we had rented a movie threw it in and we're sitting there and all of a sudden the curtains are flying off the windows and there's glass and then I hear these pops it was interesting because I didn't hear pops and then see that I look up and I see these things happening and then I hear pop pop pop and my dad is holding me down and he's holding my mom down my mom's screaming I'm screaming because I realized that our house is being shot at and uh and so this fear is like it's unreal to to to be going through that and I knew what guns were I had been hunting with my grandfather I had fired guns I knew how dangerous they were I knew how dangerous it could be to be shot and I needed to kill you I remember with my grandfather he had a few 22 shells on the counter and I picked one up I said ah it's so small and he said it's very small but it'll take your life like this is not a joke these are not toys and so I had an understanding of all that so in this house is that we're in that's being shot at um it was absolutely terrifying to me and you know as they sped off and my dad has to leave because he's gonna go find his brother and they're going to figure out who these guys are and all this is and they're actually now chasing and figuring out who to go get so to me this is all crazy like no like these people are willing to shoot at us and now you're going to go look for them and my dad said he's like I have to go look for them because I have to protect my family and so he sits me down and he explains to me that God's protecting us and they were okay and so I felt some safety in that but at the same time we had just got shot at like this really happened yeah none of us got hit but this is terrifying so a lot of these lessons that I learned around that were around fear and so my reactions later in life were based on fear it's all fear right like if you see somebody acting tough It's because they're scared and they're now they are now having to to put on a different image of themselves right from professional fighters I mean unless they're just so good at putting on a show and that's what they're doing it for the reality is everybody's afraid right um Everybody's scared and so these lessons when they were taught with fear they not that he was trying to scare me but things were scary and so when I would be confronted with anything that scared me then I became more reactive and so I think that's how but that was super early on and I think I just stayed afraid right and it's scary on both ends because my uncle did find who shot that house and uh we were you know there's no cell phones no pagers no but a small town so you're driving and you know my uncle finds my dad on the on the street he's driving we're driving he drives up next and say hey I found this guy my dad said let's go and I'm thinking are you crazy like we're in the car my mom and me were in the car we're like we're gonna go look for these people and uh we get to this place and they have this downhill driveway and just as we're getting there they had just driven out and there's this man and he gets out of his car with his two teenage boys and my uncle jumps out of his car with a shotgun and uh my dad runs to actually they hadn't gotten out of the car yet I'm sorry my dad runs to the driver's side my uncle runs to the passenger side my mom's screaming to get Freddy no Freddy no don't do this and I'm terrified again and I can just see like this is going to go wrong this is bad and my uncle opens the door and pulls out the guy's sons and his two teenage boys and he puts them up against the trailer and he has them at gunpoint and my dad opens the driver's door and I remember he grabbed on to the door and the top of the car and with the heel of his boot he just started kicking into the car and he's kicking and kicking and the man falls out of the car and as he falls out of the car he just starts stomping on his head and he's smashing his head with the back of his heel on his throat his neck chest and I'm watching for the car my mom runs over and she's begging my dad to stop you're gonna kill him and he wanted to kill him he absolutely thought that that's what he was supposed to do and really if you think about it this man was willing to shoot at him and his family in there in our house in our home so in a primal instance it probably is the right thing to do this man's kids are watching this happen my dad is doing it so his kid is watching this happen and we're all being taught a lesson and he's just doing what he thinks he's supposed to do and so again I came from a different world and now I'm in this world and it gave me a lot of I was just very different fitting in has always been interesting and so I I don't know where I went with that but that was just you know these are just examples of of him and in that I can also tell you most loving guy like took care of us emotionally when we were with him cared about it if you stubbed your toe and you cried it was never out shut up I was come here pick you up hold you are you okay uh I swear my brother and I could do no wrong like really with him my uncle my grandmother loved my dad she did but she also hated what happened to my mom with my dad and him and so she would scold him and she would scold him for a long time I mean it felt like hours and he would say nothing he would stand there and he would take it and I remember one day my uncle even walked up and kicked him and he took the kick and he said nothing except for I know I'm sorry he had absolute respect for your grandmother really did no arguing back nothing and uh my uncle my uncle Julian my mom's brother my uncle Julie and him actually get got along great but my uncle Julian loved them also it's like man you need to cut your [ __ ] and uh and he did he kicked him and he just stood there so it's a really interesting character because he wasn't just a monster but he was also a monster it could be a Monster yeah absolutely so you know that that situation like seeing all these things obviously kind of builds who you are you know fortunately unfortunately whichever way you want to look at it you know at a very young age and you kind of so you say that you know you're you're you're in in their world but you're not from their world it's always been difficult for you to kind of fit in in a sense when when did when did you or or are you still struggling kind of with that fitting in to their world or or was it a light switch that said you know I I've got to figure out how to adapt to overcome kind of a situation right I I think that so this is a great story I just graduated from college so this is not in the book and this is just right so just graduated from college it took me a year to actually get work so I'm I'm a designer right and so I started off my careers just a graphic designer that's what I knew how to do I had a degree in Visual Communications and I could direct videography I could direct photography and you had a design uh desktop publish you know do some branding but I didn't even know how to create an entire brand I knew how to make some logos and uh and I thought okay this is what I'm going to make my career and I was serious about it and so I had to go back to New Mexico to do that because of family and uh and so I'm back in New Mexico I'm working at my grandmother's restaurant at the counter and I'm doing free work for anyone who will let me anyone free free graphic design work or just design work in general yeah okay for anyone who'll let me so you come and say you know and I actually I'd pitch it like I give a card and be like hey man just graduated if you need any help let me know you know and and uh and every once in a while someone would take me up on it and when they did it stuff that in my portfolio and add it to my resume and so uh I finally get this opportunity and it's a guy he owns Z-CoiL shoes and uh he comes to me and he says hey I need you to design me some uppers can you do this for my shoes the hell's the upper so the way a shoe is constructed is you have the soul which is the bottom of the shoe and the upper is everything that wraps over the top of your foot okay okay so they being Z coil have a whole patented bottom part of the issue as the spring on it has all the stuff right now the upper is well let's be honest it's not the most attractive shoe anyway it's the sea coil but the upper is how you try to make it more attractive yeah and so he came to me and he said hey um we want to do a more athletic look because right now we're great with nurses we're great with doctors waiters and waitress it's fair utility we want to do a more athletic look so people feel comfortable running walking and we want to do a sprinter which the silhouette of the Sprinter is badass and so I said all right I'll I'll I will apply the the creative process and uh I should be able to come up with some designs I had never designed shoe before I didn't know how to design a shoe but he hired me to do it he said what do you charge I said I charged 25 an hour very different than what I charge today and uh and he said okay you're hired 25 an hour so nah and I was like oh I made it 25 an hour like this is great and so I got to work and I started copying ideas comping ideas and so I put together about 20 different ideas that I thought were strong and I met with him and uh and I did it quickly you know I wasn't soaking them on hours I did it fast I showed him the ideas and he said okay we like this one this one and this one can you take those a little further so I said sure so I went back comped out some more and this is how you do it this is a creative process right nobody's a hero you have to you have to put in the work and so I go back to him he said ah these are great I want to look at this one this one and this one but can I take these three ideas so that I can show my son and you know see where we go and you go ahead and you know mock them up in color these are the colors I want you know blah blah blah I said sure so I'm super excited to go back and I finish up my designs I come to him before I can pull my designs and shown to him he hands me these beautiful airbrushed versions of my designs and they're gorgeous and he says this is what we're going with I brought you your copies so I said oh that's great now I had worked about 12 hours on the project so what are we looking at 250 bucks sure yeah 250 bucks right I didn't even break 300. and so and I thought that was fair I really did and uh and so I said all right great well I guess it's time to collect you know and so I asked him do you want me to send you an invoice and he said oh no I have a check for you right here I said all right great and he snaps the check down and I pick it up and the checks for 25 dollars and I said well what's this for he said it's for your designs and I said I told you 25 an hour and he said oh I know I know you told me that but if I pay you any more my son's gonna be really mad at me and stands up and walks away so now I'm at a place where the world that I come from you follow him to his car and you whip the [ __ ] out of him and you take your money and you bounce because he just ripped you off and he deserves that but I'm trying to be professional and trying to be professional I had no idea what to do yeah like do I chase him out and argue with him do I it's only 250 bucks I'm not going to hire an attorney sure like writing up a contractor would have taken more time than worth 250 bucks like and so all of a sudden I had no idea how to behave to the point that he left and it was left sitting there with my 25 check and the copies of my designs and so that's when I started to realize man I'm not really from this world like the world that I'm from you act very different but acting that way will take everything you're trying to build it'll take it from you and you'll just stay in that world I didn't want that and so that's really when I realized the difference between where I wanted to be and where I was and also my grandparents are great examples but they were already established so I didn't see a growth story I didn't see a struggle I didn't see them my grandmother I saw build but she was going from restaurant to restaurant she had already she had already built that she was just now furthering it right um so you know how to how to be an entrepreneur how to how to how to handle contracts I still struggle with that like I'll do a I'll do a job on a handshake in two seconds yes two seconds you're gonna be like hey bro you're yeah no problem how much I don't know five grand all right cool no problem I'll get started and it's a mistake I've been I've been robbed you know I've been screwed over many times yeah but uh but yeah that's what I say like it's different it's a different thing it's a different world yeah I mean I think that's that's true from maybe anybody who's not born or bred in that world you know I I going back to it what you say is it's like I struggle with that too you know and it's it's weird and you think that it's the honorable thing to do like the handshake like I'm your person you know I'm I'm here for you um I mean I've got it to to where you know I even have contracts with people and they still trying to cut you out of something and say oh I don't owe you this I'm like I mean you actually do like legally it's it's legally binding and they're like yeah I'm not gonna I'll pay you this no no you're going to pay me X and they still it's it I I go into that Primal side of my mind like I don't live here anymore like I'm not I don't want to attack you but if this were a different time I would cut your head off and take what's mine and we would be done right this conversation I'd be much better off but yet in this world this very you know primed and proper and very comfortable life you feel that because you're excerpt whatever Echelon you know or whatever you know money status you're in as far as earnings you get to think that you can do that to a person and I'm like it doesn't work like that so it's right uh that that does kill me I mean it just happened to me like there's a guy he owned some radio stations out in the house uh wanted to start a dispensary right and I've gotten a lot of work from New Mexico opening up and so I had already done some logos and my my starting logo starts at five thousand dollars now so I won't turn on my computer for anything less um it'll go up to forty thousand fifty thousand depending on what the client is how big they are where where they are but I work with people if you're starting up a business you don't have a storefront ready you're getting things going all right cool I'll work with them we'll start with half up front when the job's done you can pay the other half I do everything I can so I knew he had money I know he has money but I still it's a still it's a new business I know he's gonna make money but hey he came to me recommended from a friend I said you know I said look this is what I did for the last guys I can do the 5000 for you give me the 50 up front when we finish the job pay me the rest would be good this man went through the creative process that I just explained like the shoes but for his logo we got all the way to the end of the process and then asked me to send me the files and refuse to pay the rest of the money I promise you he has said in the files no absolutely not absolutely not but I probably and I promise you that man has a table in his dining room worth more than the money that he owes me for the rest of that logo yeah his chairs are worth more than that right but for whatever reason to him he's playing a game timel I got him right um I have text messages you know I have things that I could but I don't have the time to go chase twenty five hundred dollars I gotta I gotta keep moving and so I was talking to my girlfriend and she she's like you got to stop this get these get these contracts together I don't care how small it is well I said well it's hard because sometimes these small projects make my month and if I stop the moment of momentum of a negotiation and say all right let's get this contract done this and that some people will move on others other times I spend more money in the process of getting that done than just going through the work because that work really isn't that expensive and so then you get that whole thing and combined it with the fact that you can have a contract and someone can still say yeah I'm not going to pay that yeah yeah take me to court what do you think people I mean like you know I wanna I wanna dive into that for a second what do you think people get off being like that you know I mean there's there's definitely people that I feel like are cut from the same cloth as me where it's like your word is bond and you know though you know those people up front and you can shake hands with some of those people that seem like they're like that but you also have that you know Spidey tingling neck that's like this dude is a [ __ ] shyster I can feel it but like where do you think people get off of today's world being like I can I can do whatever I want and you can't do anything in response I think that some people um maybe their money is multi-generational uh maybe they just had an easy time coming into where they are financially whatever it is and this is me giving them the benefit of the doubt to them money isn't personal it's not like like oh I really need I think they never had I need this cash moment right yeah and so when they're doing business it literally is what can I take from your pocket and put into mine um and it's not personal they're just trying to win and they're playing to win that's it and if it wasn't written down in a certain way and if they find that loophole in their head they played Fair and uh then there are other people that know the difference and know what it feels like when 2500 bucks can change your entire life when it can make it so that like you know you're gonna have power electricity you know you're gonna have a car because it's not going to be repoed I've been in situations where like I have 200 bucks to my name it's a Friday I'm not making any more money till Monday and I have four kids 200 bucks doesn't go very far sure 100 bucks I mean I've I've so I know what it feels like so if I make a deal with someone and I say hey do this work and I'll pay you and they do it and it's right I'm paying them that's what it comes down to and if I don't it's either because they really didn't do the job at all literally I'll pay people who didn't even do the job like the first person that did the the uh the rewrite of my book did a terrible job did nothing I paid her yeah because she still worked she just sucked yeah my fault I hired someone sure yeah so I mean look there's been hard times in my life where I borrowed money and it's taken a long time to pay someone back but I never acted like I didn't owe him I knew I owed him right I know like I'm not saying I'm perfect but I would never ever from a place of power hurt someone like that I don't know why someone would except for that they don't understand what that can cause in someone's life they've never been at the bottom yeah I've never truly been there yeah I could see that man I mean being from a different Walk of Life the way that you handle the interactions but I I go to that in my head and there there's you know we talked about the first time you know I'm like there's that and maybe it was off air but you know there is that primal there's that Primal switch and there's been many times where I'm like If This Were a hundred years ago I would stop you to death and we would go on about our day and it's it's weird it's like you almost like trigger that section of life well it's absolutely true my uh it's and and here here's the thing is that if it was that time right like let's just play along with this okay if it was that time yeah that person and usually those types would never even think to do something like sure exactly but they get to they get the privilege of it now because it's comfortable and there's these laws obviously and the laws are there for a good reason but to be able to act in that manner is not right so it's like I I always struggle with like when did this become acceptable right it's just like when did you being a piece of [ __ ] and and being able to just willingly take advantage of somebody right and it being okay like because of your power or because of our you know society that we live in like this is like no it's not you know what I mean and then and then the other thing of that is like you say like the case in point with the Z-CoiL shoes if you would have acted in that Primal manner you probably would have got your money there's a good chance I mean you could have got something right but you also could have lost everything that you could have potentially built over the next 25 years right I mean I could have followed this man to his car right and I could have bent him backwards over his car held him by his neck and I would have put the fear of God God in him and he would have written another check right then and there and nothing may have happened or he may have rushed to the office called the police they rushed they know where to get me he knows where I am he knows where my family and now all of a sudden instead of moving on to my next client figuring out my next move I'm trying to figure out how to get out of jail so what that taught me is I can't win that way it's just not the way it's gonna happen um the hard part about it is I really am a nice person so I I literally trust everybody first I don't make anyone earn my trust sure if you're a nice that's all I need now if you're a prick I might even still trust you even more be like at least it's been real right yeah at least he's open he's up front about being an [ __ ] and so and so yeah that makes that openness does make me a Target and the fact that I can't go and whip the [ __ ] out is like that makes me more of a Target right but uh I actually much rather be that way than not because many opportunities have come into my life because I have been that handshake day and uh I don't know if I'd be where I am right now without those opportunities so without that yeah that you put out right that element of yourself is like you know I am I'm gonna trust you first yeah you know trust first and then you know shame on me if you if you [ __ ] me over right and I think it like so then if we go to that we were talking about fear a while ago so if we try to wrap all this up into a bow like if if we're talking about fear and fear causes you to respond aggressively quicker faster harder right so you're in control and then you have this openness that you could move through the world with instead and uh that opens you up to possibly being hurt but it also opens you up to opportunities I think the transition there is I went from being afraid not to not being afraid anymore but to being brave and saying all right this is scary but I'm gonna do it anyways and as I've learned to apply that into my life because there is no such thing as not having fear like any human that can say they don't have fear then whatever instinctual properties that you have as a human or have had generation like that got wiped out of you somehow like literally the way we survive is through fear so but Brave New World right if you can be brave and push past that yeah you might be kinder yeah you might be more gullible yeah you might be a little more open but that's also going to bring some awesome opportunities it's going to bring really cool experiences and it's going to make for a great life thing is finding the balance and I I can't tell you I figured that out yeah well so I I'm still just curious as to I mean because you hear these stories these excerpts that that I've listened to hear you talk about you know on Instagram kind of giving people like what's to come in this book you know when you drop it and I'm not saying that all the stories are bad right there's just a lot of crazy [ __ ] that happened to your life and hearing you talk to me in person about these two examples um it's like you know you're witnessing this insane love from your dad right right feeling that you're witnessing this insane amount of fear that's like building you like this this character inside of you you know as you're young so to hear you make this like huge leap to to you know wanting to go to or wanting to to finish High School wanting to go to college wanting to kind of better yourself you know what what was that moment I mean because you could have easily probably taken the exact same path and it happens more often than not with with kids that see a father figure or even their own father or their their you know companions in the streets are doing things like when they see that they think that that's acceptable and that just is the way that they have to live and that's their life you saw that you grew up with that first hand but you didn't take that path that wasn't that wasn't the life I'm not saying that you didn't maybe dabble and attempt to go down that road and realize but what was the moment that you realized like this isn't the life that was that I was designed for like what made you say I want to finish High School even though my parents didn't what made you say I want to go to college and and I want to be a designer from a small town in New Mexico yeah probably how many other people in your town wanted to do it nobody you're taking a huge leap of faith in yourself you're investing in yourself so what was that moment that you knew chacho that I I either I can't or I don't want to go down the same road it was a collective example that my grandmother and grandfather said and uh my grandfather was great and I could see that that man but my grandmother was right there with me and I didn't want to disappoint her and I saw the pain that the problems that my mom was having in life and the way her shoot I saw what that caused my grandmother so I wanted to be something different and uh and I took that seriously and I learned work ethic early because because of my grandfather I started singing about five and I was singing professionally and so I'd go with my parents I'd come back and I'd go do stuff with my grandfather and then I'd come back and then before you know it I'm with my grandparents full time and now I'm singing with him and then before I know it I have this producer and I'm in these groups and we're doing shows everywhere and then before you know it I'm solo and I'm recording an album and it's on the radio and so all this stuff is happening in music and I'm getting a view again of these different worlds um and I just I could see it I I was I was fortunate enough to have my feet in two boats or live on Two Worlds right two different planets almost like I knew I knew the difference and I could see it and it was very clear to me where I wanted to be and that that was it and so I continued in that and it was like I had obstacles it was like so I it's funny I told my girlfriend that I said changing your stars is the hardest thing you could ever do your stars yeah like realigning yourself like your stars right like I think and and uh she said well what do you mean by that and I said well just changing your stars like looking out there out into the world what's what's aligned for you what what what is easy for you to walk down the paths that are already created and then changing that and making that a whole other picture it's the hardest thing to do and she said I understand but it really is and even as a kid like being dyslexic made it so I was terrible at school so School wasn't going to be an easy path to change my life I was doing music but I didn't realize how impactful and great what I was doing was I just didn't um and nobody really took the time to stop me and be like this is amazing keep this let's let's push this right um I was extremely creative but my uncle who was a painter was always broke so being an artist was terrifying to me and uh I didn't want to just continue what my grandmother was doing to work in the restaurants I wanted to do my own thing I wanted to create something and so it was just really really hard and every step of the way I felt like I was failing and so I'd push harder and I feel like I was failing and I'd push harder and I feel like I was failing and I always say this I say I've I've failed my way to every championship like and it is so true there's a lot of Truth in that yeah you you have to fail you gotta fail a thousand times before you get one microscopic win no it's crazy and like like even in my athletic career the things that I've done like anything that I've done that was like recognizable or or good I literally lost my weight I almost last all the way up to that but just good enough to move to the next step and then last and I wasn't and then right at the end somehow I pull it together and you know and and so that's kind of the way life has been for me but it's created like a rock hard character and work ethic and like the the one thing about me right I might not be the smartest guy in the room I I haven't read a thousand books I can't even read a book um I know how to listen I do I'll pick things up I'm quick with that um No One's Gonna outwork me and maybe you'll out Sprint me maybe you'll come out of that gate and you'll be way up but I will go not for days not for I will go for years and years and years and if I say I'm gonna do something I will do it and I won't stop until I do I'm relentless on that and uh and I think that's why because everything was a struggle like until I graduated from high school I was sure that I was gonna have to drop out until I graduated from college I was sure I'd never go to college just kept putting one foot in front of the other every day going oh man yeah the uh the work ethic thing is is crazy it's uh it's something that I feel is unfortunately in certain aspects of society is is leaving us right and maybe it's not necessarily the work ethic I'm not saying people don't work their asses off to get where they're at or once they get the the dream job they think they had it's not the dream job and they want to do something else and they continue to work but uh I I think that people case in point you know you you graduated with a degree you didn't have a job for a year you had to go back to live with your grandparents to work at the diner you took this huge like first loss with this guy it's like okay again I'm defeated okay dust yourself off keep going but that work that time that it takes in anything right it doesn't matter whether whatever that is music playing guitar podcasting artists like whatever you're doing it takes time it takes hundreds and thousands of hours to become you know proficient at it let alone an expert at it oh yeah that work ethic and and the aspect of longevity has left a huge bulk of society because we're such an instant gratification people want it they feel as if they deserve it right they feel as if you know like they they get this degree or they get this thing or they just believe in themselves enough that they deserve it right now right right and it's like that's why I'm so sometimes like you you see these documentaries or whatever it is like especially like in the fighting world like that [ __ ] is a hundred thousand percent earned every single step you know it yeah you know far better than I do but you see it and it's like you cannot become the best at that until you have literally fought your way to being the best you have to sacrifice everything in life you have to but that mentality Take It Outside of the fighting world that's the case with everything right if you want to be an electrician you got to start somewhere you know nothing the day one you start right you're not going to be paid what that journeyman or that Master electricity makes you know you're a graphic designer okay cool you can use canva can you do all of this other stuff on actual programs that that they're meant to do this can you do a storyboard can you build a portfolio for somebody no you can't you have to start here but it's such an instant gratification uh mentality with a lot of people in society that if they don't get that win fast enough then they either decide to quit or go another direction or they're disgruntled they feel like they were cheated that they didn't get the opportunities that maybe their peers have gotten but they don't acknowledge the fact that maybe their peers have spent decades literal decades doing that and they deserve and they have the ability and the knowledge and the skill sets to rise through the ranks and so that's that's what I feel like that work ethic you talk about I think that I also believe in and practice to the best of my ability it's it's almost fleeting it's leaving the the younger demographic it's even people my age it's we're being so immersed in instant gratification and Rapid Fire you know like you know doing a real oh my God if you're real gets a hundred thousand views and all of a sudden your viewership goes through the roof you feel like you've made it no you just had one reel that just popped off right like you got to build your fan base you got to build time you know what I mean you make the wrong comment and 50 000 of the hundred thousand are gone tomorrow you know and so that's where it's like you know I feel that that's an unfortunate thing that people need to instill in their co-workers their employees their children their spouses that it takes time it takes time to become proficient it takes time to definitely become an expert in that trade whatever that is and I don't mean swinging a [ __ ] Hammer I mean legitimately whatever you're doing podcasting uh being a musician whatever it takes physical time and people don't understand that but part of that is work ethic you have to get up every [ __ ] day and the bigger thing that I I truly believe and I'm a huge candidate and I I can see this in in your reels I can see this in the way that you talk about your stories in your book I know that you believe the book is the book your your Instagram is your Instagram I know that without ever speaking to you the first time I saw a real I knew that you have belief in yourself Above All Else above all else you may question it from day to day but I know that in somewhere in this path you've told yourself I am going to [ __ ] do this yeah regardless of what the neighbors think regardless of what my even my own friends think I'm going to do this and that's the thing that I can tell is like absolutely for real especially in in the book going back to it but that that belief that you have to have in yourself as you are number one and you're like that that has to be on the Forefront now you can be an idiot and tell yourself that you're going to be an astronaut and you're never you know it was like okay good luck with that I don't know if that's gonna happen right but the things that you can control and you say I am going to do this that's powerful that's powerful to the world that's powerful to yourself right and I but I I feel that I feel that when you're telling your stories I I don't know what conversation you had with yourself like when you embarked on this book right or when you do a reel that just pops off and it really has like it resonates with people but I I know that somewhere in that path you you've told yourself and you fully believe that there's a lot of people that don't they're out here as a snake oil salesman you know they're charlatans in this game they're they're making these reels because it's what everybody else is doing and it seems topical and it might it might pop off it might be you know topical enough to get them through but you didn't put enough time to have you know sustainability right you haven't given it you haven't failed enough to learn what works you haven't failed enough to learn from your own mistakes you haven't failed enough to have that conversation in the mirror to go what the [ __ ] are you doing man like what are you doing right do you still believe in yourself are you just going to fail and walk away right you know what I mean I I think like so I have and I I identified this real early well in my early 20s I become extremely insecure if I'm stagnant so movement is my medicine absolutely 100 my medicine my mental health my emotional health my ability to be confident all based on my movement and so what I learned was is I need to always not say I'm going to do something but just do it and that will keep me confident enough to get there even doing it and failing I'm at least doing it staying still for me it gets into my head like I will question myself it'll come who do I think I am why do I even think I could do this why do I but movement that is my medicine 100 it gives me the confidence I need it gives me like it gives me the courage I need right and all these people you're talking about they're like yeah some of them are Hustlers they're out there hustling and and they're faking it and they're doing whatever they're going to do and for them I hope they find the real place and I hope that they can actually be productive and and give to the world right because I really believe that's why we're all here in our own way um but there's a lot of people out there that are just scared and they might have that idea they might have it in themselves that they know they can probably maybe hopefully do something be more um you know make a Mark and I don't care if it's making cupcakes and selling them online or whatever it is that's in their heart that they think man I think I can do this most likely they can and yeah they might suck at it at first and it might be super scary and that's my entire Instagram page is about that I say it as many ways as I can I try to stay current I try to talk about current things I try to talk not current things but like Father's Day right I made a point based around fathers um and I try to but really what I want people to get from this is you absolutely can do what you want to do you just have to do it not wait for it do it and you can accomplish it and I I don't either I know that's a message that's a common message but I think that fear is the big thing that stops people from trying and so that's what I'm saying like Chase your fears and they will disappear and I really really do believe that 100 percent and so that's the whole metaphor right like this entire book the whole reason and I'll I'll tell you right now the whole reason I'm telling these stories of difficulty these scary stories all of this stuff is because all of that transforms into an attitude of hit hard hit first and don't stop but not in a fight in a path of growth and a path of creation chasing your dreams building that business doing those things hit hard go for it hit first and don't stop right don't ask for permission don't wait for something to happen to you don't wait to get fired from your job if you hate it quit that job and move on go do something with yourself so I'm telling these stories but it's because I learned this based on a very physical Primal space in this world and have learned to apply it to my ideas and my aspirations and what I want to share and how I want to be of use to this world and uh and that's going to be when it's all said and done that'll be the entire point but I'm not giving it to him in one book because I can't teach it that way if it's it's got to be a path it's got to be the way I learned it and I didn't learn it in a year you know and uh and so this is step one that's that's yeah so that's how I can relate to that that's that's what it is yeah I I you said something kind of triggered a thought I had the other day I watched this video and it was um you know I do talk about this I'm a huge advocate for somebody taking a leap you know it's the the very worst thing that can happen is that you will fail you're not gonna die your family's not gonna die you know but we're stuck often times in these jobs that we don't necessarily want to be in and maybe we have this thing on the side that we're passionate about but we can't leave that job because either we don't want to admit it to ourselves that we're that we're broke you know is that that thought of being broke is horrible it's something that we don't even want to align ourselves with you know we never want to tell anybody I don't have any money you know that's a horrible broke is is a horrible five-letter word right right so but the thing of it is is I I always say yes if you have an idea absolutely go for it take that risk take that leap but I watched this thing the other day on this interesting Twist on it because I've had people on this show and people in the comments reach out and be like well must be nice for you to be able to do that well hold on you know I have a job but this is a passion for me this this show is a passion um but the way that this gentleman talked about it he's like look if you have a job and you have to provide for your family that's awesome do that job you may not want to be in that job but keep working that job and if you have the passion every single hour that you can carve outside of your work hours and outside of the necessity of spinning with your family to make sure you're you're upholding your end of that bargain right put it absolutely towards the passion and don't waste those hours feed that passion with those hours and it may be burning the candle at both ends but it's a really good concept of like you don't necessarily have to quit the W-2 you don't have to take this crazy leap right but you do absolutely owe it to yourself to in those times instead of scrolling through Instagram or doing something that isn't promoting back into your passion if that's learning how to play guitar or something or something super simple like making cupcakes it sounds stupid but if that's what your passion is start to work on it start to work on it in the wee hours of the morning start to work on it here and build into that passion and it might take way longer because you don't have 100 hours a week because you're working at a job for 40 hours a week you've got you know you've got 60 hours left and then you give 20 of that to your family you've got this other 40 hours it's like what am I going to do the time for me it's like okay now you now you're met with the question right do you focus on you or do you focus on your passion which which one is the side of the coin that you want to worry about right do you do you want to move forth and Chase that dream that you have and had had forever or this idea or do you want to sit back and say oh man I had this idea I wish I would have done it when you're 70. [ __ ] that right [ __ ] that I agree you have to chase your dreams now right and this life is short time is absolutely fleeting and I'm not saying take it away from your family or anything like that but you're not going to get another opportunity to take a risk and if you if and if you don't have the physical means monetarily to to leave your job to really really pursue it every waking hour chacho you better be focused on your [ __ ] passion that's true and here's the thing so we tend and I don't know why to segregate things like for example family time dream time work Time Fitness time right but imagine this this a man he works all day in an office but his passion really is to build a race car and he doesn't have a ton of money but he may have enough to go buy a six thousand dollar bug and he's going to turn that into a Baja racer right now he has two choices he gets out of work he can crack open a beer and the day's over it's done he's gonna hang out with his kids drinking his beer watching a movie waiting for his wife to make dinner maybe he makes dinner maybe they order in whatever it is that's one scenario the other scenario is he gets home he changes goes out to the garage now that could cut from family time but not really because all he has to do is say hey kids come on what do you think is going to create more valuable memories for those children than being out there in that garage working with their dad to make this dream come true and when that car that that thing actually does hit the track if it ever does maybe it never ever does but if it does and they can watch that together as a family now they have an integrated dream it was all together it doesn't have to be separate it really doesn't you saw I brought my girls here they hung out in here they they still talk about it to them it was awesome yeah right um I've had him in music studios with me design stuff they both know how to design their their learning brilliantly I work with them there's times that I have to work and I have them all right maybe you're going to work on this illustration you're going to do this and we're all sitting there and we're jamming together it's integrated a we need more family time anyways and we need more family time away from screen time completely necessary in our country and this world for our future it needs to happen so if you have a dream make your family a part of it if you have an idea make your family a part of it it doesn't have to take away from that the other thing is your children will see there's 24 hours in a day look at that he came home and he ain't kicking it he's still working but he's working on his thing he did that for money for us now he's doing that and we're doing it together so I think that you're right you don't have to quit the job if you can't quit the job keep the job put an hour a day two hours a day whatever it might be like whatever you have put it in there and focus on it before you know it you're gonna do great if your kids slow you down but that's how you spend your family time if you didn't do it you wouldn't be getting anywhere anyways sure so in all reality they're probably speeding you up because you can actually get it done in the days you don't want to do it they're going to be the ones like that let's go work on this yeah yeah that's I mean that's a damn good way to look at it man yeah it's just like it's it's I don't know like it being Father's Day and all I think about it I'm like man fathers are important now our kids are being inundated with information and lessons from everywhere and there may be things we agree with don't agree with I'm not going to get into that but what I'm saying is if anybody should be educating our children it should be us and if it's not happening you can't blame anyone but yourself it is your job if you have an unpopular opinion but you believe in it you need to be sharing that with your children and if they disagree with you you need to be having those conversations on why sure I do it's hard they're smart they're intimidating but we get through it man and they might hear me they might not but at least we have those conversations and and you know as fathers we got to do that we got to set that example we have the hard conversations and we need to be the ones teaching them by their side by example it's it's it's really what our country will hinge on in our future will uh because if we continue like at first it was a television right so kids are being raised by the television now they're being raised by a screen the amount of information that is popped in you know shared into their little brains in minutes from that screen it's never been like that before then they go to school and there's a whole other set of information that has nothing to do with school that they're learning so if you're not chiming in a little bit on what you think that's a mistake sure yeah I mean it you know to to go back to real quickly you know your kids may not understand but you're having the conversation I think a big a big thing that and this is just from me being a father and having conversations with people um is is teaching someone how to have a conversation like that's that seems you know minuscule to most people like what do you mean you just you just talk you get through it well if that was the case you could say whatever you wanted to on the internet and you wouldn't get ostracized right right but we as a society we as a lot of people especially face to face it's nearly impossible to have an open and honest conversation with somebody and be like look I know that we don't agree with each other on these things but like let's just let's hear each other out you know I'm not sitting here trying to force whatever down your throat you know and it's like but why do you sit on this line of that and like let's if you can sit there and have that conversation and go okay man bam light bulb off like I didn't really I've never looked at it from that perspective and now I've actually gained something because even even if you didn't change my mind and I still believe I understand why you believe what you believe right but the bigger thing is is that if you can teach somebody to be able to have that conversation that piece of the human characteristic of getting getting to work with somebody right back and forth and get in gaining something from it um that's that's huge and that's something I think that's unfortunately being missed with with all kinds of people especially you know in the social media argument platform where it's it's like I'm going to argue and this is what I'm going to say and [ __ ] you if you don't believe right and even if I come in and say Hey you know I'm so sorry like or you meet somebody that completely disagrees with you you give them a hug and go you know what you were right they're still so angry that they're not even willing to accept you saying that they were right they just want to be mad they want to be so upset at something and so I think teaching a child teaching people that are coming out of college to have those conversations can have huge huge results and bettering a work-life balance and bettering you know their ability to navigate these Waters right like they're going to be met with confrontation in their world they don't teach you that in college right yes if you're in like Debate Club or something that's a debate that's not what I'm saying right that's arguing to prove your side of the case what I'm saying is that if if we teach people how to have a conversation it will inevitably better their life and how they navigate the waters that are going to happen the arguments the you know the the shitty boss that does something because it you know instead of just having a temper tantrum and flipping out like you know F this guy and we're walking away well hang on if if you have the skill set to go up and say hey what what happened let's get through this and have that conversation without allowing your emotions to come to the surface you've talked about that on your Instagram before it's like if we allow the emotions to get up here we've already failed you know we already failed so it's the the the the the thing that I truly honestly believe is teach in the manner of conversating with your children or with your employees you teach them by having those conversations and it will become a part of their skill set moving forward they will understand to you know you can have a difference of opinion even if you're my 11 year old son or you're you're 16 year old daughter or whatever they'll understand that you know yes we didn't agree dad didn't agree and maybe we don't believe in his point but he had a conversation with us and we heard how he you know spoke to us and how he allowed us to speak and at the end of the day we gave each other a hug and we walked away neither one of us were pissed off and we didn't have to prove a point right we just talked it through and it's like that's something that they're going they're going to move with for the rest of their lives they're gonna understand like yeah there's obstacles but we can work through it we can work through it with conversation it's the only way to learn you want to see that you want to see the the dumbest group of people like the stupidest group of people I promise you they're all right and they all agree yeah yeah and then the next thing they say is we've always done it that way yeah and you put like we've always done it that way is probably the most dangerous thing you can ever say um because it kills 100 any chance of of progress but like the inability like right now it is the most terrifying time to disagree with somebody oh yeah absolutely especially if you do it publicly it is terrifying it it's terrifying to State an opinion it's terrified to stay amongst this side or that side of a track or because we can't just disagree I remember when Jesse Jackson was running for president as a little kid and uh my grandfather was in politics you know we know that and Jesse Jackson came to Santa Fe and came to visit my grandfather at the at the restaurant my grandmother's restaurant and I was in the back playing with my cars and all these black cars drive up one after another and uh Secret Service gets out and they're walking Jesse Jackson into the restaurant and I look up and he looks right at me and he nods at me and keeps on walking by and it was really cool I was like the aura that was occurring in that moment right of this man and the power and knowledge and confidence that I saw was something that I really never seen before and so obviously my grandparents are supporting Jesse Jackson to the point where he came and visited my grandfather at the restaurant and uh well that was interesting so anyways a few weeks go by my aunt at the at the restaurant and they have little more conservative views than my grandparents and uh my grandmother and her sister they're talking and she brings up Jesse Jackson my grandmother and my aunt says I can't believe you would even consider voting for that man and I'm so sick of his blah blah blah and goes like and they have this conversation where they completely disagree with each other and nothing nothing happened no they didn't now they don't not like each other and all that I can't believe that someone's changed they just disagreed and that was okay they got through the conversation they moved on to something else and that was that they either both learned something or they didn't and most likely they did they're very intelligent or they were you know at that point um they both passed since but I remember when people could do that they could talk about things and then move on now with whatever's occurred like if you have a different political view than someone else they you can't be friends anymore and you could have been close at one time now you can't be friends anymore um say you don't believe in Pride anymore holy cow the opinion that could be created and you could just not believe in one part of it or maybe that's something you do believe in then the exact same reaction in the other direction and uh I remember a point in the 90s like you could have a conversation about that I just it's it's just gone to the point where nobody wants to take time to hear someone else out take that information and say okay some of that may make some sense here so we can't grow we're stuck we're stuck yeah it's it's a huge tribalistic mentality you know it's like you're either you're either part of this tribe or part of that tribe but the thing that like is funny to me is that the these tribes were there and so it's like especially with this the the uh whatever you want to call it you know commonly referred to as like woke culture right right so you know there's there's the the tribalistic side where there's always been let's just say the right and I'm not saying right or left with with with policies or politics but I'm just for simplestic reasons you got the right that's been doing these things in this manner because they've just always done it that way right right I think if you say it that way you're gonna be edited in the future and they're going to think you said the right okay all right so let's call it the purpose we got the purple side over here and they've always done it this way right and so but you've got the yellow side on this and they're going well we don't believe in the tribalistic manner that that the country or that this whatever has been operating in right so we need to create our own tribe to then to then say that we don't we don't agree with the tribe right and so they're combating so but now what that's done is that's that's created like this huge gigantic riff between the both sides or whatever whatever ideology you believe in and and you're sitting over here and you're in this very much this tribe and it's like if you've got people that are like you say you might have some friends that you you may disagree with but if they're part of that tribe they've got this way bigger community that all of a sudden maybe they were disconnected in real life right but they feel this connection to that tribe you know however powerful that is I mean is anybody in that tribe going to pay your rent or buy you milk or bread if [ __ ] valleys up no they're gonna whatever no I'm not gonna help you as a real person but if they're they're so connected in this weird way and we all need this weird form of connection we all need somebody's we all need somebody to say good job right we need we need that feeling as Society so it's like if you if you disagree or if they show that they agreed with somebody outside of that tribe then they're fearful of being kicked out of the tribe right and so all of a sudden it's like well man I want to be I want to be part of this but I I I can't afford right I can't afford to lose this community that uh that I've invested in or that I feel like I'm a part of because if I do so then then what I'll have and then I'm lost and I'm out here in the world all by myself you know so so it takes away that concept of like let me just talk to these people and figure it out but the reality of it is like you have a a group of people that are trying to fight a tribe to they create another tribe right in a very tribalistic manner to fight each other right now all you've done is anybody that's like out here in this we'll call it the gray area right that's right that's right yeah it's like you're just you're floating you're out here aimlessly because if you have both types yeah yeah and if you if you believe on both sides you're like uh you know so it's it's such a weird uh weird time to be open about your honesty of like yes I have beliefs in both of the tribes but I don't feel the need to be Associated it's either one of the tribes that makes no sense this is I want to live here and I want to have conversations with people because that's what's inevitably going to dismantle the tribes and bring us all up right you know freaking Rising tide lifts all boats not just not just the yellow or the purple it's like we can all get better but it starts with conversation it starts it ends with conversation if we can't have a conversation then we're [ __ ] we're screwed it's never going to go anywhere and also realize that we still have a choice like it's uh so I don't know if people know this or not but if you're a registered Democrat you can literally become a registered Republican instead and by the next election be a registered Democrat again and then by the next local one beer you can jump back and forth you can flip-flop whenever you want to support whatever primary right election candidate you want to whenever you want you can actually look at the issues and if you find somebody that you absolutely believe in like if you're a Republican and you see that now Kennedy is interested and you decide you want to you want to support him you can go over there and you can do that and you can support him all the way but at the end of that presidential election if you no longer you can go right back to you want to be there there is no team there is no we're all Americans trying to do our thing and the reality is is rather the red blue right or left it is their job to earn our loyalty it is not to be given blindly because we're on the team absolutely not they should be terrified that you'll change parties if you feel like it yeah they should be doing everything they can to be as truthful and honest as possible during their terms to keep you where you are but they don't have to do that anymore because we choose our team and rather it's right or wrong we'll go down with the ship to the point where we won't talk to family members anymore we won't talk to friends anymore and here's the thing like the ship is sinking so let's start figuring out some things that's what makes this country amazing is that you can do the research learn for yourself have the conversations agree disagree whatever it takes to get there and really support what you support not just choose a team and run with it and uh and I don't know if people get that and I don't know why they would because nobody tells them that sure nobody ever told me hey you can be whatever political party you want to be and if next year you want to change it cool yeah I really thought if I'm a Democrat I'm a Democrat for life my grandfather was and my grandmother switched from Republican to Democrat when my grandfather ran for office and and uh and that was like this big huge deal and it's like not a big deal yeah support who you support sure support who you believe in but do the research and then have the conversations believe me there's so much you can learn it an educated world is so much stronger and we're just not anymore and what's our what are our kids doing they're thumbing through tick tock like I was on the road with my daughter and I noticed she wasn't talking to me and I started watching her and so I was like all right I'm not going to say a word she's stunning to tick tock she's not even watching these videos she's just stunning I'm like all right I'm sure I say a few words to her she like barely answers me like man she must really be watching something I know she's not I'm being sarcastic but so an hour goes by and I say honey is your thumb okay yeah she says why with a little Trash attitude uh because you just been going up on your phone like that for like an hour straight I just want to make sure you're not sore or anything she rolls her eyes she's like she knows what's coming right and I said do me a favor tell me about one of those videos tell me the video she couldn't do it yeah she spent an hour sewing through Tick Tock and couldn't tell me about one video she watched I said why do you do that she said because I like it I said you don't like it you're not even paying attention last night we watched a movie you could tell me the whole movie right now if I ask you you liked that this you're just doing so like if our Generations can't even talk anymore we can't communicate the Next Generation can't even think anymore they're just swiping through stuff and walking around in a in a a uh a fog sure we really are a sinking [ __ ] yeah um yeah I mean I still think that there's a lot of work to be done here a lot of work there's still a lot of good that's that's the thing is I'm a very I'm a very uh hopeful hopeful person you know that's that's the uh I think that's why you and I kind of struck off the friendships like right off the bat it's like you know again cut from a bit of the same cloth and and I think that we uh we have a positive outlook on it and I think that both of us believe that hey it's we're we're not too far down the rabbit hole to be like hey all right we clearly have problems everybody has problems you know but it's it's not something that's completely insurmountable it's not no we we we can we can you know whatever the the terminology fix it maybe I don't know I mean fix what you know change it maybe that's probably a better phrase of a word this is what I think it is I think first we look at ourselves and so this is another thing that I been talking about a little bit so I I had been a little bit of a crybaby thinking not talking about but thinking about God it's so hard to be a man I feel like you know and I talked to my friend my friend Sean we get on the phone be like well it's you know someone's pissed off at me again he's like yeah well dude you're a man of course right and uh and so and I started to really get into that pity pot like oh and this whole toxic masculinity thing and it's hard just to act like a man be a man if you have any type of aggressive behavior in any way if you're not emotional and and or maybe you're you know they'll talk about a dangerous man is not is is a good man and all these teams are it's like man I don't know how to fit in anymore because all these things that I am that used to be good things are now taboo they're not good things right I should like be different and uh and so I started feeling that way and I started thinking I said well how did we get here first of all and um in that I said all right well let's start to take a little ownership as men how do we get here what is toxic about men how did this happen how did this occur and still there I select few of men in the industry that are at the top of the top of that Hill playing things on their chessboard to make things work exactly for them in a very toxic Manner and taking advantage of everyone else yes that agrees but where are most men doing they're working their asses off for their families to earn the love from their wife from their kids from their girlfriend from whatever loved one they have whatever situation they have and to make sure that they're taken care of and they're struggling through that now what's the visible stuff a lot of it might not be that positive so it's the job of the masses to say no let's stand up we're here and we are good men and we do love and so I started thinking about masculinity and why are we masculine what do we do and what makes that necessary in the world is it even necessary anymore is masculinity necessary and so as I was thinking about that I realized that it is still necessary absolutely and it is still valuable and most of it should come in a form of teaching we need to be involved with our kids we need to be involved with each other we need one to be the ones to set the example and create Safe Community so that people can talk can be understood we need to be protective and for the right reasons like if a man becomes violent but it's because he's protecting his family that's a good man if a man raises his voice or or pushes a little bit of his masculinity in his situation but it's to calm maybe two other men or to help somebody else feel less uncomfortable or whatever made that's a good man so is it necessary absolutely um but does it have to be toxic I don't think so most of the time I don't think it is but I think that if we really focus on delivering that masculinity from a point of love then it can't be toxic yeah because that's impossible and so I started talking about that and I started thinking about it and it's like man you know are all of my points of masculinity coming from a piece of place of love and uh and I'm starting to hold myself accountable in that right and I think that that that would be a huge Improvement to the world and that's something that this big population that's feeling like man things are kind of tough for us like acceptance is rough first of all if if you're a true man and you know what's right you shouldn't be worried about acceptance which you need to be worried about is what's right now how you're going to deliver that to the world you should be worried about that because people need to be approached in the way that they can accept it that's where the love comes in so I'm still figuring it out I'm still working on it but to me I think us as men can take a huge step in leadership to making this a much more friendly place to live which will help us to learn yeah you know and one thing to add about that is is that with with all of the click baitable messages right so let's just specific toxic masculinity right the the vast majority of people that may be on Instagram as far as an account holder right if you look at the vast majority of men they're probably not toxic right they're also not in the Limelight or in in the in the realm to where they're on social media whatever platform acting toxic right there you know the the the online presence of toxic masculinity is looking at one percent you know the these these account holders that are saying outlandish things for whatever reason it doesn't matter right it doesn't their reasons are kind of irrelevant and and the thing is like if people say okay well that's spreading like you know hate or disinformation as far as you know what it is to be you know a male okay we're talking one percent right the vast majority of people you know a person like you say that doesn't that goes to work every day to provide for his family and maybe his wife also has a job or whatever the case here is but he's trying to do his absolute best that that is a a thing that is absolutely needed and is studied wildly in many different social uh you know levels where if the man is not in a relationship the outcome of the children is significantly reduced you know whether it be for Crime whether it be for success in life so there's an absolute need does that mean that everybody is going to be male or female in a relationship you know as far as a you know a marriage or you know boyfriend girlfriend or whatever hell no absolutely not we we know that as a society right we're not getting around that but I would like for the the masses right the one percent that are on social media that are are kind of have been engulfed in this toxic masculinity it's like that's not the real world right that is a world and I'm not saying that it doesn't exist but that's social media media and that is a world that oftentimes things are said for whatever reason or another it could be click bait it could be to get views all kinds of things so I would love for people to to look at it from a different perspective and going okay there are good men there are good women in this world and they're not necessarily on social media saying some dumb [ __ ] they're not out here being outlandish but that's what I hate about the topic of toxic masculinity because I'm like hang on that's a social media click baitable term that we're promoting this right it has absolute negative connotation to it but being masculine and being a father and being a husband and a leader in the community and a pillar in your friend group there's nothing wrong with that there will never be anything wrong with that just like there's not anything wrong with a powerful woman that rises through the ranks there's not anything wrong with a person believing what they want to believe it's not our job to interject and change somebody's beliefs if they don't going back to the conversation because I don't care what you believe chacho I'm not going to ever disown you right and ostracize you because you know you think this way and I think this way no I'm a human being and you're a human being we're sitting here talking about that so I believe when a person is in their own mind saying I am a man and I am a leader of my family and I'm doing the very best that I can as a husband and as a father that is needed in this world more than it is needed to be out here you know on on social media you know and and it's not that I don't believe some of them but what I'm saying is that like if you put that out there in social media immediately the masses go this is toxic hold on it's not toxic right it is absolutely necessary to a promote you know population right like man you know male and females have to [ __ ] exist so that we continue to exist as a species right and it is needed from huge data sets to have that I'm not saying necessarily I'm not I'm not saying anything regarding same-sex marriage I'm I will go on record saying this has nothing to do with that that's not this topic but what I'm saying from a male and a female relationship the father needs to remain in the household to to statistically have a better outcome for his children moving forward absolutely that's [ __ ] truth there's so much data behind it so there's nothing wrong with that and that my friend is not toxic so it's unfortunate that the rest of the world has all of a sudden labeled anything that appears to be masculine anything that doesn't allow you to sit behind a computer all day and you look weak and you look you know disparaged you know right or like whatever it whatever you want to say like okay that this this element of this type of person is what a man should be you know if you're not that and all of a sudden you're you're working out or you're you know you're driven to be muscular you're driven to to be more of a father figure that that seems wrong on social media but it's not wrong in the real world it's not [ __ ] wrong it's not wrong it's it's actually right it has proven [ __ ] data yeah so that term toxic masculinity kills me because that's a social media [ __ ] term that they just defined anybody who doesn't look like what they want the yellow Camp to look like or what they don't want the purple camper look like right that is so true like and it's weird it's like so two two instances so I hurt my knee and uh I wasn't healing and I needed to get more active I was gaining weight I was I was not happy with the way things were going on top of that I was so into the book and I was doing what you said I was working my day job running my Creative Marketing and branding company and I also have a school so my time is going there and I'm writing a book at the same time so I'm I'm at my computer day and night right and uh my knee's not getting better and so I say you know what I'm gonna try yoga and it was the most unaccepting Vibe I've ever experienced in my life walking into that like you went into yoga studio yes and it was terrifying like I've been in fight gyms all over the country and these people are so nice and uh and I mean it was just like I was like a repellent like they'd like nobody wanted to be around and and hey maybe I had some insecurity too and maybe it was just scary for me to go to yoga but it was uncomfortable and so I started working on them and I smile and hey how's it going guys and how's this and how's that and I probably talked too much but I made sure to let them know I'm a safe nice person you're okay you can be nice to me and I'll be nice to you and uh little by little they started to warm up and it was cool and all of a sudden I get along with everybody and Sunday came it was Mother's Day and I didn't have my kids they were with their mom yeah my girlfriend was out of town with her daughter and so I was like I wonder if there's a yoga class so I look and sure enough there is so I go to yoga and uh there's like three of us in there the yoga instructor was a smaller lady a little overweight short short haircut tattooed and as I'm walking in I try to get eye contact with her she won't look at me I'm like oh so I say Hi how are you I'm good but she just no eye contact the vibe was so incredibly uncomfortable she just did not like me and so um kind of getting ready and I'm putting on my mat and doing my thing and getting my water ready and I'm like all right well I mean I'm here so we're working out and she starts teaching class and she's awesome like she might be a little overweight not what you'd regularly see and maybe that's judgmental me maybe I'll buy whatever it is I'm a little overweight so the way I'm moving I'm like oh but I'm watching her and she's sick like she's doing all the moves she's talking through them she's not out of breath she's killing it and I'm dying in this yoga class because I suck at yoga right and so I'm impressed like at this point the way she acted when I find that that's gone to me I'm just impressed by how awesome of a teacher she is and then the class ends and she says bite it okay bye guys thank you and she's talking to everybody and still will not talk to me and so then I started to put my stuff away and I'm about to write it off and it is what it is and uh she starts talking to someone else and she said yeah my son's Not That Into The Mother's Day thing and she's talking about her son and so I use that I say oh really well how old is your son yeah she well he's 12 years old and I'm like oh that's cool I have a 14 year old I have a 17 year old and she's like oh but not really that I didn't know what I'm saying and then she says yeah I asked him to go to a market like a farmer's market with me but he didn't want to go he's just so 12. and the first thing I thought to myself was I'd love to talk to that young man and let him know he needs to appreciate his mother like instinctively appreciate your mom dude it's it's Mother's Day hang out with her yeah but no acceptance No Love No I mean and it was this whole reverse thing where it's like we're cool I'm I'm cool yeah and so I talked to my friend Sean about it and uh he's like dude she sees you six foot two with a beard she assumes you have an American flag hanging off the back of your truck and this is like should right away immediately you are the enemy bro that's just all there is to it and I'm like first of all there's nothing wrong with the American fight as a matter of fact I don't have one hanging off my truck but I love this country so if I did that's a positive thing most people with American flags on their trucks defended this country why would we have any issues with them thank you we appreciate you but he's like and he's like I know I'm just explaining to you how you're viewed and uh and so it sucks and so I could very easily take offense to that and decide that but I promise you next time I see that lady I will continue to kill her with kindness because I can take it and little by little through my masculinity she will see that I'm a good guy and there are a lot of us there's a lot of good guys out there they would gladly take her little son upside and say hey appreciate your mom dude yeah life's hard and she's still here and here's the thing maybe things are tough for him it doesn't sound or look like a good or I'm not I can't say good it might look like a confusing situation for sure sure but still it's your mom my grandmother would tell me like no matter what your mom does that's your mom yeah so you gotta have respect for him man so it's just it's hard yeah it's hard it is rough man thank you brother I appreciate you coming back on man when's the uh when's the when's the book drop are we close Okay so Kendall has been the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life um and I have again I'm failing my way to the championship but I'm not gonna stop till I get there and so I have now as far as I know past their last requirement and hopefully within the next few days I will know my exact due date but I think that book will be ready for purchase this week all right brother appreciate you man thank you so much you guys heard it first chacho Taylor you guys be kind to each other give somebody a damn hug bye [Music]

Channel: We Built An Empire

Views: 180

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Id: IMkZw_Vv9TA

Length: 100min 31sec (6031 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 25 2023