BONUS: Interview with Sr. Miriam James Heidland

[Music] welcome back to the pew everybody i am your host john edwards and i am so excited to be bringing you another bonus episode of just a guy on the pew if you've been following us over the last couple of months you know that we've added these interviews as a way for us to just enjoy time with some of our favorite catholic speakers and presenters and religious and today is no different i'm really excited because today is the first time that we've had a female guest on the show and it's going to be sister miriam james hydeland and i'm so excited i've just had the the blessing to get to know her a little bit over the last year or so and i'm going to be bringing her up here in just a second but first i want to tell you a little bit about her sister miriam james hydeland is a former division 1 athlete she played volleyball in college she had a radical conversion and joined the society of our lady of the most holy trinity in 1998 her story has been featured on ewtn's journey home and she's been keynotes of seek you know with focus the last couple years she's been on all sorts of different media she holds a master's degree in theology from the augusta institute and she speaks regularly on topics of conversion authentic love forgiveness healing and sports she likes to talk about sports too she's also the author of the book loved as i am and she's one of the hosts of abiding together so without further ado i would love to bring up my friend sister miriam james highland how you doing sister hi john so nice to see you and to be with y'all today i'm delighted yeah yeah thank you so much what a blessing to have you and and what a blessing it's been over the last year to get to know you a little bit you know through virtual catholic conference and you've been so gracious to to host the the last women's one we had but you've spoken several times on them and it's just been such a blessing to read the comments of you know the things that the lives have been touched by what you know you allow jesus to do through you and and so thank you for that and and you know i don't know if you know this i don't think we've talked about it but i actually met you a couple of years ago at seek i wasn't doing any of this at the time i was working for uh cardinal studios this company that put together um strive for matt fradd his 21 day detox for pornography and so they sent me to seek and i was supposed to um just have a table and find matt and take these business cards so i've never been to seek before and so i said they're like just go in the vendor room and find matt give him his cards and i walk in this room and there's like 4 000 tables and people everywhere i can't find him and dr scott hahn was supposed to be speaking that year and getting an award at the same time so i'm walking around and i can't find matt and i'm looking for an hour and and all of a sudden as i'm about to give up and just go listen to dr han there's matt right by the door that i'm about to go out of so i give him these cards and i run in the room and and i hear dr han say thank you and he walks off stage and i was like i don't know i wanted to first time i was ever you know i could hear him live i wanted to hear him so i found my buddies i was with and and you know in the midst of sixteen thousand people which was a feat of you know miraculous feet itself to find somebody in that crowd but i sat with them and i said man i can't believe i missed dr han i said is there anybody what's happening next they said oh sister miriam speaking and i said who's that uh because i didn't know i wasn't i didn't know at the time a lot of people that were presenters or speakers and i remember sitting there we were about three football fields back in that room you know and and uh there's this gigantic tv and you walk out and that was the year you gave this talk on the gays the gays of our lord upon you and i i was sitting there the whole time like look at this tv screen just amazed by what the lord was doing through you and and so you did this wonderful wonderful talk and i got up afterwards and some of my guys were on the board of focus so we went across the room to the you know across the whole of the room where they keep water and all that stuff and so grabbed a bottle and i walked back out and here you came down the hallway and i was like oh i got to say something to her like that was just so amazing and i felt like such a dork you know i don't want to bother her and so i you know i'm six foot eight and you're tall you know you played volleyball everything so i see you coming and i'm like i gotta go speak to her so i walk up and and uh and i just said like hi very sheepishly and you're like hey uh just you know shared with you some words about how touched that was about your talk and i remember you're just so wonderful you said well it's nice to finally find somebody here that's taller than me or something like that you made some kind of joke and took a picture with me and i've still got that picture and i find it funny that here we are a year later you know after having spent some time together in multiple things but it just you know from that day on i've always been just a fan of what the lord does with you and through you with your podcast and everything else and i just as i learned more about you i started to learn about your conversion and the things that happened in your life and found out that we shared some some struggles with addiction you know i had a drug addiction you obviously you have spoken about your your issues with alcohol in college and stuff and i wonder if we could start there today a little bit and just kind of let you open up and tell the guys a little bit about you there's so many men that struggle with alcohol and lust and all of these things and just wondering if we could start there for a minute yeah well thank you for sharing that story it's just it's beautiful how the lord arranges things in providence and i i think even today is where you know here uh even via technology of the providence of that and just um praying intently of who whomever will hear this and whoever needs to hear it the most and i i just i think first and foremost i just want to start off by saying that you and i our deepest identity is um is beloved and and one who's delighted in and i think so often we define ourselves by our failures we define ourselves by our successes we define ourselves based on what other people say about us and the best that somebody can do when they love us the way god loves us is they can reflect the lord's love of who we are but it's only looking we talk about the gays and i'm i'm and everything i'm going to say to you today i say as much to myself as i say it to you because this is something i take very seriously in my day-to-day life of it's only looking at the face of christ you're looking at the face of god the father where we find out who we truly are and everything else that happens in life you know as a response to you know either grace or sorrow in those places but the truth is is that and i think that's i think that's one of the foundations of life of as we go through life what we find is that i think as we get older and we also go more deeply into our hearts is that we find the truth that we are eternally loved internally delighted in and our addictions our sin the things that we go to those are trauma responses those are those are the places in our hearts that have been broken often when we're little like as little boys like our little girls hearts have been shattered and so we spend the rest of our life trying to run away from those things or make up for them and and really what jesus wants to do is he jesus doesn't come to fix us he's not here to fix us he's here to bring us into communion and that's a terrifyingly beautiful reality because because as you know um communion is about intimacy and it's about being seen and it's about allowing the lord and allowing ourselves to come home to the places that we don't like about ourselves that those little parts that we just can't stand the parts the memories we don't want to think about um i was just i was talking to somebody yesterday who er the other day who has like a raging addiction and they were they wanted tips and tools of how to manage it and i i said i can give you practical tools but really the ultimate thing we have to talk about is your heart of of why why are you doing what you're doing because there's a good reason why you're doing what you're doing and the person was like well yeah this happens a lot happened to me as a kid i don't want to talk about that and i was like well you know i just just to offer that to you i think i think we're going to have to if if because you know everything else is just symptomatic like we talk about what happens at the top of the tree right and the top of the tree are is our sin the way we cope the way we try to perform the way we strive the way i think especially as men the terrifying fear that you'll be found out as a fraud that you don't have what it takes that you're not strong enough that somebody's going to see right through you and they're going to abandon you you know all the places that we have in our hearts and so all the ways we try to manage that those are just symptomatic at the top of the tree and those have to be dealt with right because they take on a life of their own but i really believe in just all the years of work i've been doing this in my own life and just journeying with so many people and i think you could testify to the same thing is that it's only until we get to the root of why we're doing what we're doing and where our hearts have been broken and not just once but over and over and over again and allow the lord to come and and drain the pus so to speak out of that infected wound that the rage the fear to face our vulnerability there and just to to allow jesus to love us where we are most vulnerable and most dependent that that's the key to transformation and i know of no other way through there's no way through i could agree with you more i mean that you know i spent a lot of my time hiding all of these things in my life you know just not being secure in who i was when i went to college you know it's it's when i talk to high school kids and stuff they're juniors and seniors i tell them you know i know you're excited about freedom and getting to go off to school and getting away from your parents and having your own say in your life and all that kind of stuff but the thing is like freedom's a good thing if you know who you are but if you don't it's a very dangerous thing and and you know when we're not rooted in our identity as beloved sons and daughters of god and that's where we find our worth and everything else we search for it everywhere else and that's what i did in college a lot was you know oh if i drink then you'll like me or or if i smoke pot then then i'll fit in or you know all those things or if you know if i'm promiscuous then i'm seen as cool you know whatever it may be and i know you ran into some things in college you know where it sounded like a lot of the same issues and and i can imagine the pressures of being a college athlete and those things too in those situations but i couldn't agree with you more i mean vulnerability we talk about that a lot on the podcast and in everything we do in the ministry here because with men it's just so funny you know the world has that definition of vulnerability as it's unmasculine and it's weak and you're susceptible to attack and but god has that other definition that he told saint paul which is my power is made perfect in weakness and it doesn't make sense right strength and vulnerability doesn't make sense but i believe it's exactly the key as you're saying to being able to open up and to share because i hear a lot too from guys that i keep going to confession and you know and confessing my struggles with pornography for instance yeah but i never stop i never get better i never i never get to the root of it really and they never really say that but that's what they're questioning is is i can't ever get to to stopping this and i think it's exactly what you're talking about is it's it's it's a symptom of something else can you talk about that a little bit yeah sure and it it is really addiction really is a trauma response and so it's like us trying to either medicate or run away from something um um or try to it's also a reinforcement of our own self-hatred because every single one of us we know exactly what it's going to be like after we engage in our addiction we know exactly what that's like and so and yet inside is this compulsion and um there's a wonderful i have a wonderful mentor his name is dr bob shoots and he's given several talks on some of your conferences and and he says this and in the retreat there's a healing retreat we get for priest called holy desire and he has this saying and i'll say it a couple times for you so i just want to offer it to to your listeners he says behind every disorder desire okay so whatever that is whatever disorder desire it is whether from serious grave disorder desires to to mild just i mean all of us have disordered desires desires that are not ordered so he said behind every disordered desire at the root is a good and holy desire an unmet need an unhealed wound and a hidden pattern of sin so i'll say that again okay so behind every disorder desire is a good and holy desire an unmet need an unhealed wound and a hidden pattern of sin okay so for all of us in our life if you look at all of us you know all of us like we said have disordered desires and so they're coming from somewhere but at the heart if you look at what you're looking i mean it's like what jesus says in the first you know the first thing he says in the gospel of john he asked the disciples what are you looking for so and i think if we could be really honest and this we're getting let's just i'm let's just be very honest about this okay so if we could be really honest of what we're really looking for in our hearts which is a hugely personal intimate thing that's going to give us a clue to the rest of what's happening okay so say for example i mean any addiction but say i mean so i know so many men struggle with pornography for example you know behind that disorder desire what's what's what's at the heart because it's revealed in um in in the in the unfolding of the heart is it communion is it intimacy is it power is it being seen is it being appreciated is it is it meaning looking for like meaning and purpose and something like that um and many times um even for pornography where the heart has been broken is revealed and what kind of pornography somebody's looking at like what's happening in your fantasy life i know that's really personal but really it's until we go into these places with the lord and ideally with somebody who knows us who can help us in that that's telling us something about ourselves because many times you know pornography is a response to a man feeling powerless or man feeling he wants to be affirmed he wants to be received and he's experienced deep wounds either as a child or as a teenager where though there were there were lies inflicted in his heart or unmet needs needs of affirmation he need needs that show him that he's good that he's a blessing that he can do this and all these things and so all those needs don't just go away they just go underground they go underground and so like it's coming from like what what's happening in life when did the addiction start i know for me my addiction to alcohol started when i was 12. and a lot of times for people i was introduced to pornography around the age as well you know so it's like for for many of us these these addictions start young and they grow in these all these places and so what happens is you know then we become adults and then there's a whole biological reality there's neurology involved where you know those dopamine responses and so you're dealing with a multi-layer a multi-layer kind of issue at that point but really at the heart until we can understand like what am i really looking for and you know psychologists call it a window of tolerance like before we even if even if right now whatever addiction people have if they can't like go to that place yet if you could just ask the holy spirit right when you're about to do that ask the holy spirit okay holy spirit what's going on here like what am i really looking for because i tell you i mean john i don't know about you but i mean sobriety for me is a huge it is a daily walk and i take it very seriously and i know myself like i haven't had a drink in a long time think and i'm so grateful for that like god certainly did for me what i could not do for myself but i know very well when that temptation comes back around it is not about alcohol it's about a part of my heart where i'm afraid or an emotion i don't want to face something in my life i don't want to admit to and i have to sit with the lord right there and say okay what's going on because i know myself too well to know it's not about it's not about this at the top it's about what's happening in my heart does that make sense yeah it's it certainly does it i mean i i can remember looking back you know it what happened in my life with it just exactly what you're talking about hiding things um you know running to it and so the lord you know i walked away i was raised baptist and and uh became catholic when i married my angel of a wife uh you know she's she's appropriately named angela so you know angels are part of that name but yeah there was a part in my life where i just where i walked away from as soon as i joined a fraternity in college and all those things and then it was just hiding one after another um these things and not dealing with them and you know followed me for 17 years of my life you know these things we think well this is just a temporary thing or i'll grow out of this or eventually i'll mature and you really don't you know it's for me it came you know it came down to being arrested put in jail on a holy thursday um to you know to to getting my really hitting rock bottom and having my eyes open to the fact that like this is this is not normal this is not okay this is you've known this for a long time and it's time to deal with this and and what you said earlier is like i what i've done on my you know stopping with my addiction has not been anything i've done on my own only jesus could do that for us and that's the truth i've reached out to people all the time they they say well don't you ever have you know an inkling to do cocaine again and i'll say look you know i'm in the car and eric clapton's cocaine comes on you know there's a uh the hairs on the back of my neck will stand up every once in a while but but i look over at my children i look at my wife i look at where jesus has taken me in my life and i go no way would i ever give this up like no no no matter how strong that is um and and a lot of it you know we talk to the guys about this too is is this temptation versus sin like you said a minute ago um you when you come to that point pray to the holy spirit and i think so many of us fail in that moment because we look at temptation and sin is the same thing right you say well i thought about it so therefore i've got to do it now because i've already sinned but if temptation was sin they would call it a sin right it's an opportunity to choose right to choose virtue or vice and and i think that's where we struggle a lot is is guys have that built in their head no i've thought about it i've done it i've already you know looked at that woman in this way in my mind and now i need to you know i might as well go through with the act or whatever it is because because i've already sinned um you know when i think that's such a struggle where so many people fall and fail that's true yeah and i mean temptation is like you know a cent on the breeze right and it's where it's where the enemy comes to to to whisper lies to us where the enemy comes to take us out and it's also it reveals also places where our hearts have vulnerabilities right where uh just where our hearts are open to those places so just kind of noticing what happens because the enemy prowls like a roaring lion and i just i just i was with a exorcist a couple weeks ago i was giving a retreat uh to his seminarians at the diocese he's a record of this diocese and he said something john that i've been thinking about every day since and i i really believe it's true he says that after doing so many exorcisms and working with people he said he really believes that the enemy when he wounds us he said it's not arbitrary he said your deepest wounds he said think about your deepest wounds he's like those are not arbitrary those the enemy's like a sniper satan is like a sniper on a hill who is trying to take you out at your deepest places where he knows you're going to be most life-giving and so he said most of these wounds happen in childhood so if you think about your deepest wounds is a little boy and mine is a little girl that came from being um you know given up for adoption and you know being conceived out of what like to high school students and putting in a foster home and then being sexually abused like i mean you just i like those are not arbitrary like those are where the enemy has come to to steal kill and destroy to take us out and he is absolutely relentless and so that is why there that is why there's no coping mechanism there's no like i'm just going to get over this the only the only way to salvation is through it's through the cross it is it is allowing all these things to come to the surface it is allowing every moment of our life to be brought into christ healing power there is no magic formula there is no seven steps to a better life it is you know this like it is the paschal mystery it is you and i getting up every day it is us going through life with the lord it is us allowing him to reveal our hearts it's you know facing the deepest places of our brokenness and the places where we're trying to do it on our own where we're self-reliant and and where jesus wants to come and love us we're we're most vulnerable most dependent why so we can live a life like him because he he is vulnerable and dependent on the father and he's also strong and he shows us what it means to be human especially for men he he shows you what it what does it mean to be a man and you're looking at the man jesus christ like what is stunning like it's so glorious we can't even fathom it it's just it's just amazing you know yeah no you're exactly right and that's excuse me that's what i when i talk to men about this stuff but you see look at the person of jesus christ like if you a lot of times he's painted as a meek and and very uh almost weak appearance sometimes in people's eyes but he's such a strong just virtuous man because it takes so much more strength to live in the way that he did than just to live as a whatever you want doing what you want and and taking what you want kind of what society tells us today right like do what you want get what you want don't care about anybody else it's all about you sort of the message that men here today and that's why we see so many men that we're struggling for promotion and power and money and things and everything else because that's what the world tells you it takes to be a man but jesus shows us you know vulnerability we've talked about it a couple times here and and you look at and go that's gross man i'm a tough guy i'm a big guy i've got to be the alpha dog when i walk in the room i need everyone to know what a man i am but yet christ is sitting here and he's crying in the garden right i mean the most vulnerable man you've ever seen is a guy on the cross hanging like this saying here's everything that i am right everything that i am and and i think that when men find that vulnerability they find freedom we've we've found that in our in our men's ministry here is just even the night when we started a group at my parish i mean that was the lord prompting me to walk in a room full of men one night and tell them everything that happened in my life that none of them knew and that night every single one of them stood up and started saying i'm addicted to pornography i smoke weed and my wife's about to leave me i'm a terrible father because i spend more my time with money and work and all these things and it just freed these men and so when we look at jesus that's what i tell guys all the time is what is he doing when you're reading the scriptures like what is jesus doing what what virtue is he projecting you know what is he teaching people by the way he's living like don't just read it as black words on a white page but look at what he's trying to show you and what he's um what he's experiencing or exemplifying in that moment and you know that's something that you and i were talking about before we came on air that we've you know the men here and that are following the ministry a lot of them are doing this narrow road program that we started that's on virtue and and you know humility just happens to be this month and uh you know i couldn't i couldn't miss this opportunity to ask you about that you know just the role that humility plays in healing because a lot of this stuff that you're talking about you have to either be brought to your knees either the lord brings you to your knees or you're introduced to some sort of humility in your life to where you say i need you lord and i think that's where so many men especially say i don't need anybody if i can't do this on my own if i can't figure this out then i'm not a man you know so many men that are my age i'm 42 and older that's sort of the mindset our fathers had was just you know work hard never complain put your head down uh you know don't ask for help if you do it's weakness uh no one cares about your problems don't have emotions just figure it out on your own and so we walk around as like these you know one man armies through life and this is where we get caught up and we fall and we have this pride that wells up within us because we've been taught all our life you're a failure if you can't do it on your own and so as as i found out you know the hard way and as i'm sure you you found out in your life in different ways humility seems to be the key to starting a lot of this healing and i was just wondering your thoughts on that and the role that humility's played in in your life and in the things that the lord's done in your life yeah well thank you john now that's so well well articulated obviously this is the struggle of men and i think that's one of the the the consequences of the fall in the garden right where adam is now tills the soil and he's by the sweat of his brow and it's like he's by himself now right it's not it's not it's like that's the break in the garden was like he feels like he's all alone by himself and now he's ostracized and so you know you see men turn to work like men are more linear thinking they're more outward thinking so you see them turned outward and now it's like instead of being in communion with god and eve and creation now he's by himself he feels like he's by himself and i think that's the man i think especially that's a perpetual way or where the enemy where satan is the sniper where he comes to tell you that that here's what masculinity is you have to be independent and self-reliant and you can't have any or you're like kind of a blubbering mess it's just it's just like this characterization of really what what masculinity is which is the the beautiful thing about of who christ is is you know he comes back as the new adam where he is in the garden like he's literally the gardener coming to through the sweat of his brow water the garden and you know changing the the the thorns into into beautiful things and so i think especially from i think it's especially difficult for men to really talk about these things you know and to really understand what's happening and and you do feel like a failure like if i ask for help i'm a failure and so i think understanding the truth of who we are and how like you're saying how christ shows like christ shows us how to live because humility is really nothing more than living in the truth it is it it's living in the truth of who i am who i am and who i'm not of who god is of who other people are it is the reality that i'm meant for communion that if god is a family and i came from god that means i'm meant to live in communion so that means the isolation and self-reliance and self-protection all those things mitigate against what it means to be truly human and truly alive and truly life-giving you know because you look at the masculine genius for for a man his masculine genius is to be to use his strength to bring life to others to use his physical his emotional his his psychological strength his spiritual strength to lay down his life so the bride can live so others can live that's that's the genius of a man and so he's called to do that in communion to make a gift of himself in communion and so jesus isn't a lone ranger he's he's never alone from his father and he's never alone from the holy spirit he's never i mean even though he goes to pray with his disciples he's always living in communion so he's showing us what it means and so the places in our life where i think that those are great you know kind of telltale signs the places in our life where we're like nope okay i got this or i'm going to control this as soon as we start having to control something it's already it's a sign that wow we've got some you know areas that we're just trying to manage on our own and and jesus christ did not come to earth and suffer and die to teach us how to manage he came to earth and he suffered and died and he rose again so we could live life to the full which means that our hearts are totally open we are open to every emotion every experience of our lives that we're not running from places in our hearts anymore that it's all laid out on the altar so jesus can come and and touch and heal and bring every part of it into communion and then that's humility like where we where many times i don't know about you but i'm just reduced by my own poverty i just sit at the foot of the cross and i i and i like i just can't fix my i can like i can't fix myself here like i i need you just to come and love me i can't i can't do this like just come like come and love me like those are tremendously vulnerable places you know that we all have where we just i just need you to love me your lord i don't love myself very much right now i just need you to teach me like i i need your love here and gosh he's so gracious john like i've jesus is so he's so beautiful and he's so kind and like just how he he's so respectful of us as human beings like he's the most respectful man i've ever met and like how he relates to us and how he sees us he doesn't see us as a compilation of our sins and our brokenness he sees us for who we truly are and he speaks life over us i guess that's the god we serve and who loves us like that's who loves us you know yeah hey man sister what a man what a blessing you got me crying over here oh man thank you for your vulnerability in that that is so true i mean we you know it's men and women i don't care what what gender you are we all feel that right where you just feel that that shame and that guilt and that loss and and we just feel so unworthy and you know we we a lot of times we look at god as just this and a lot of times it's because the way we were raised i mean our upbringing like you said maybe we had our parents that were very you know authoritative and judgmental and and that's the viewpoint we have of god right it's just this there's no way he can forgive me i i remember um you know along this the story of what happened in my life you know i was already doing the drugs and things and was given this beautiful gift of angela and then children and i kept thinking you know this will stop this will stop this will stop and then my mother died of cancer right there in the middle this beautiful holy woman that was in church all the time and the nicest person in the world and i remember like i told god in this driveway the one time that i went to a doctor's appointment with her i just had this feeling one day i need to go to this appointment you know they lived out of town a couple hours out of memphis but she came here for her cancer appointments and it had been several years she'd been fine she always you know it was always in remission or you know it had moved away and she'd had good checkups but this one day i decided i needed to go she'd had a heart issue and had to stop the chemo for a while and when i walked in the doctor uh had walked in right after me and said you know it's moved your brain and you've got a couple of weeks or a couple months left to live my father was there this giant of a man that the first time i've ever seen him cry and i remember in the driveway that day i i went back to their house they still had a house here they were trying to sell to move to their other place and you know i was just devastated you know i thought like here i am this guy that's i'm a liar and i'm you know i'm addicted to pornography and i'm doing all these drugs and why do i get to live and somebody like that gets to die if somebody like that has to die why do good people like my mother have to die when scumbags like myself get to live like that's exactly what i said i remember kicking the porch and and just which wasn't smart because it was cinder blocks and my foot was not but i remember kicking it and and yelling just like god i hate you like i hate you i'll never love you again i'll never worship you again like you have i had been 10 years alone of my own doing walking away from him but i remember that day saying that and when i was brought to my knees and that arrest and jail cell on holy thursday and i remember that it just washed over me and i thought lord like i've lied so much in my life now at least everyone will know the truth but like how could you ever love me again and i felt this just overwhelming feeling of love like this god that no matter what i had said and done to him he was still there right in this image i had in my mind of this god who was just had his back turned away from me and was disgusted by me was always standing there like that father in the prodigal son waiting and yearning for us to come home and i think that's such a i think so many people struggle with that is seeing god in this way of he could never love me if he's known what if he knew what i've done which is insane if you think about that because he knows everything he was there he knew you were going to do it before you're born he was there when you did it and all he does is wait for you to turn back to him and see that he doesn't have this grimace and this hateful look and and he's not there with a whip or a or a belt to punish you with he's there to hug you and to love you and say i'm so glad you're home right and and i think that's what you're you're feeling there when we go to those vulnerable places and that we have a god no matter what like look at the links of what he did i mean today's the day after easter and what he did for us and and a god who who is judgmental and who is disgusted by you and who doesn't love you doesn't go to those links to bring you home and it's such a tremendous you're so right like god and jesus himself are so loving and amazing and all of that and the links that they've gone to just to to make sure that we know that yeah yes that's so beautiful john in this yeah those places right the honest places were like oh my gosh and and the truth of it and that's really like what you're talking about you're talking about humility of like you know here's what i've done or here's even how i define myself or here is how i've been defined but here's what the lord said the lord the lord saint julian of norwich says that when god sees our sin he sees our pain and so he he see he's the only one who sees us totally like he he sees us better than we see ourselves like i don't even understand myself half the time like forget about everybody else you know it's like but he sees me so he he will speak the truth to me and love and he will remind me of who i am and call me to the deepest part of my identity as beloved daughter and as you as beloved son and and this is the truth and this is this is the beautiful thing about knowing christ like we can't just know about him we have to know him because he's alive he is alive and every day he's revealing himself to us like he's teaching us who he is and who we are and who other people are and what life is about and and i love it i mean often say like i love it because jesus he shatters the paradigms that we have of god because for most of us our idea of god is not too big it's far too small and it comes from the little it comes from the little tender places of of childhood of where we form judgments about ourselves about other people about who god is and many times we can be chronologically 30 40 50 60 years old and we're still operating out of a a very fractured view as a child a five-year-old child and so what the lord is doing he's tenderly coming to heal those places so so we can grow with him as saint paul says we can mature in christ so that we're rooted and grounded in love and when we know who we are and that's a lifelong journey we're rooted and grounded in love then the rest of our life will flourish and so this is why we always talk about going back to the roots like it's always going back to the roots of like lord what is happening here you know heal this place what am i looking for heal this place because that's the truth right and come and speak to me and that's what jesus says you will know the truth and the truth will set you free it's not just intellectual knowledge it's not just a theological knowledge it's the the know the intimate knowing of of jesus and when i know christ in a place in my life where i didn't know him before it sets me free it sets me free and that's how it works that's exactly how it works well it's the beauty of our faith journey right it's just like you know in a budding friendship like even you and i in our interactions the last year each time that we get to spend a few moments together we learn more about each other we you know we we become more friendly we we become more comfortable with each other and and that's the way it is with christ you know we so often we look at like well i converted right i was baptized or i've been confirmed and that's it i'm catholic now i'm christian and i'm good for the rest of my life but it's this constant conversion this constant seeking of the lord right to where i just every day i wake up and i hit my knees and i thank him for allowing me to breathe and for everything that he's going to do in my life that day the good and the bad and just say lord i want to know you better today like let me find something else in you that i didn't know show yourself to me in some different way today and it's that constant chasing right that chasing after the lord who's always by the way chasing after us too it's not a one-way thing he's always it's like a game of tag you're running after him one minute and then he's coming after you the next but it's just it's that's the beauty of our faith and i think so many times we just think like catholicism in our faith is just another thing we do right i gotta go to the grocery store i gotta go pray for a minute i gotta go to mass for a minute but it's just this whole intertwining of our life and it starts with that humility because that humility is is i there's a god and i'm not him right like i i need i need that god in my life so i surrender and leads to trust which leads to that love and that relationship that you were talking about so beautifully and you can see it on people that have experienced that like sister there's no way for you to hide when people see you that you know jesus that like you know him not just about him and can give me the details on a you know bullet pointed you know details of his life but you know him intimately and it's just it's such a difference in our faith and it's hard to explain that all the time to people it's like it's something you have to feel and you have to invest your time in but it's the difference of when you see someone on fire for their faith and i don't mean like that they're a speaker or something but just people that are living as a living example of christ light in the world it that's the difference is that relationship that they've come to know the risen lord and that their life is never going to be the same i love that line from the chosen that that mary magdalene says like uh you know when nicodemus is asking if she would if she knew him if she saw him again and she said yes like i will know him for the rest of my life i was one way and and now i'm different and all that happened in between was him right and it's such the story of our life and our lord wants to be that for each and every one of us if we're humble enough and we allow ourselves to surrender and and to say i need you and i know and i want to know you and actively seek that in our lives each and every day oh that's so true john it's really very simple really you know it's it is really simple that the god is very simple and and he always pursues us he's always inviting us every response we have is just that it's just a response and he waits to be invited he will he will speak our language he will sing over us he will draw near to us but he's so respectful he will not force his way into our hearts and you know just he's so he just gently invites and invites and he's just so gracious and so yeah it's a matter of us what is our response you know how will i respond now you know really ultimately my father jacque philippe says this and a lot of other very well wise people you know so often in our life we say you know why this happened to me why why me why this why this and those are natural questions and and sometimes on earth we get answers and sometimes we don't but really the ultimate question that to ask ourselves is now why does this happen to me or what's wrong with me really the question is how will i respond now how will i respond now so like as our viewers today are listeners today hearing and i'm sure they've thought of you know we've all thought of many things in our lives over these last 30 minutes we've been together like many moments or maybe points of roots might be issues or things like that and and the question that all of us can ask ourselves in the holy spirit he's like how will i respond now like what do we want to do now like what's what's the next right step i believe all of us have a next right step you know and and that that journey is the continued journey and that like you said this that's the journey of love that's that's the journey of love of the continual discovery of the other and allowing our hearts to be opened and discovered and it's it's a grand and beautiful adventure and you know in good times and in bad and sickness and health and and this one is forever it's for eternity and it's the best one ever you know your father john ricardo i remember i was watching something one day and it was a program that he was doing in his parish our lady of good counsel when he was still there and uh i will never forget he showed a video of of um save it private ryan when the older man is walking into the cemetery at the end and and he's thinking about all the things that have been done for him and he he said this is the way that we should walk into the church every single time that when we see that tabernacle that we immediately are overwhelmed with what's been done for us and not just overwhelmed but the response and ever since that day i mean i've tried my best to remember to do it i mean i'm human so i fail a lot but when i'm sitting there praying afterwards you know i always i just want to say lord help me respond like to what you've done here for me to what we're reminded here again that you've done for my life and and not you know obviously his sacrifice on the cross but uniquely to how he pulled me out of the gutter that i've allowed myself to fall into in my life and just lord let me respond let me respond to this and so i was just reminded of that when you when you brought up the response there sister i know we're coming to the end of our time here i i wanted to give you an opportunity um just you know i remember the first time we talked at the first virtual catholic conference a year ago when i said sister would you like to speak and you said yes but i want to speak to the men i don't want to just speak to the women and i was like all right i hear you okay we can do that you're the boss whatever you want to do is follow me you're saying yes i'm cool with it so um i just i want to give you an opportunity here we live in these in crazy times now you know i hear from guys all the time that are struggling in fact i'm giving some talks over the next couple weeks and the almost every single one of them have been can you talk to us about how just men in the pandemic and how to continue to be the man that we're called to be and we're lonely and just at our wit's end of all this stuff so i want to give you a second here just to like if right now what would you say to men in anything what would your message be to men right now when you look around the church and there's still continues to be a a lack of male leadership in a lot of places uh men are still living in the worldly sense instead of the spiritual sense what would you say to men right now in your message today that you want men to take away yeah i first of all i would say to you that your your masculinity is not toxic it's glorious like your masculinity is a glorious gift and men we need you like we need you to be the man that christ has created you to be like your strength your vision the way your emotions are ordered your your willingness to fight your willingness to to see the long-term picture your willingness to protect and to provide and to be a blessing to to offer wisdom to offer guidance to offer care we we need that like we we need you we need you and you see the strategic attack on men and masculinity so prevalently in society right now it's because we have really no idea the true gift of what masculinity is and that revelation of how god loves us of how god protects how god god prepares a place so that we can be at home like this is the heart of a man and when a man knows who he is and he sits in his rightful place in the home in society in the church then order is restored it's like aragorn in the lord of the rings you know when when he takes his rightful place order is restored but when he abdicates that throne out of fear or he abdicates it out of dominance where he's trying to dominate in a way that's crushing instead of life-giving chaos reigns and you can see what has happened and so my heart for men is the restoration of of the glorious gift of who you are and that glorious gift is found first and foremost in your time with christ because he's going to reveal you to yourself it is also revealed that how you give the gift of yourself to women in your life to to men in your life to your kids to your families like how you show up to life every day matters and so people ask me all the time like sister how can i be a better husband how can i be a better priest you know how can i be a better co-worker or whatever and i say this in total truth the best gift you can give your family your marriage your church your co-workers the best gift you can possibly give them is to allow jesus christ to come and heal you every single day that is the best gift you can possibly give them and gentlemen you are alive on earth for a time such as this as men and that is such a good thing it is such a good thing yeah amen thank you sister thank you so much guys you know we've been blessed with this tom if you are a patron of the show sister is kind enough to join us for a few minutes there we're going to do an extra interview like we do a lot when we do these interviews uh if you're not you can sign up to be a patron of the show it's just a guy on the pew.com support because i want you to go out and check out more of what sister miriam's doing get her book check out her and her friends on abiding together they're amazing it's not just a show for women just because there's women on it right like it's for guys too so go and enjoy that and everything that she does sister you're such a blessing uh you have been in my life and i know so many others and i just thank you for being so gracious today with your time thank you thank you john so much can i recommend two books would that be okay before sure yeah please yeah yeah i would love to recommend uh the number one book i recommend across the country for people is called be healed and it's by dr bob shoots and that is that is hands down the best book bob shoots is a marriage and family catholic marriage and family therapist for about 40 years and his book on the restoration of the heart of it's just outstanding so i would highly recommend number one be healed and it's just a wonderful book to journey with you can do as a book study or by yourself the second book i would recommend is by a christian therapist named jay stringer and the book is called unwanted and it's about healing sexual brokenness and so he talks very honestly in there about what the roots are and about the manifestations of sexual brokenness and what your heart is actually seeking it is such a good book and such a hope-filled book about the healing of sexuality especially for men so unwanted by j stringer and be healed by dr bob shoots so that's what it is doctor bush is a gift he was on here a couple of weeks ago he's amazing and i know you do that work with him at the jp2 healing center and they do retreat specifically to help people heal so go check that out too sisterhood yes stupid healingcenter.org thank you for that could i ask you to to pray real quickly over the folks as we leave here would that be okay oh sure yeah be delighted let's do that in the name of the father and of the son and the holy spirit oh jesus we just thank you for how you love us we thank you for seeing us and revealing yourself to us and who we truly are and just ask a special blessing upon all of your sons here lord i just pray that you would heal them in the places of their hearts they needed the most i ask you jesus you reveal to them the glories of being men of their hearts of where they belong of who they are their strength and all the ways you create them i just pray also jesus for deep healing upon each one of them and all the places their hearts have been broken where they have been dismissed or not listened to or not valued not affirmed places they might feel hopeless or despondent i just prayed jesus that you would come right now with your healing love and you would come and heal those places i pray that you would unite them as brothers that they would be a brotherhood of men walking together lord toward eternity just pray for and just a special blessing upon all of them and we ask you mother mary you you whose heart heals you whose beauty heals i pray that your beauty would heal each man that your maternal beautiful healing love would heal them i pray mother that you would watch over them that you would bless them and protect them and we just thank you jesus we thank you for everything that you've given us and we just ask that our hearts will be open to you draw us closer to your heart to your home to where we live and we just make this prayer through christ our lord amen amen the father son and the holy spirit sister what a joy it is to be with you and thank you for all the wisdom you shared and just that your your vocation in your life uh i really appreciate your time and i look forward to being with you here on the next segment in a few minutes thank you thank you so much god bless you all happy easter

Channel: Just A Guy In The Pew

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Length: 46min 37sec (2797 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 22 2021